Chapter Text
Iruka wakes in the hospital, and almost immediately knows something is severely wrong.
It starts when he isn't sure what day it is. Like gaining lucidity in the middle of a dream, he doesn't know how he got here or what he was doing beforehand. He and Naruto had gone to lunch a few days prior, because Iruka wanted to see him off before he left on his big journey galavanting across the countryside with Jiraiya. Iruka only cried a little to watch him go, thank you very much, but that's about where his recollection ends.
Then belatedly it dawns on him that he doesn't recognize the view out of the window. It's early in the morning, and the curtains are tucked aside to let in the waxing sunlight as the sky turns from black to blue, and not a single silhouette in the distance is familiar. If it weren't for the white and green color scheme that seems to be a tell-tale sign of the inside of Konoha's hospital, he'd be forced to wonder whether he's even in the village at all. Tsunade and Shizune arrive together very shortly after this which at least confirms that he is thankfully still within the safety of Konoha's walls. But almost directly in her wake is Kakashi, who sits down on the side of the bed and looks visibly worried about Iruka's disposition, which catapults him all the way back to square one for a number of reasons.
Surely in other circumstances he might just faint to know that Kakashi, the object of his recent (and longstanding) infatuation, the recipient of Iruka's horrible prepubescent-like crush, is fawning over him. Asking him if he's okay, how he's feeling, holding his hand and looking at him with such pitiful concern in his eyes - except that, last week, Iruka was still working up the courage to even talk to him in public following the very stilted awkwardness that still sort of lingers after the fiasco that was the chuunin-exams nominations, and then of course the actual fiasco that was the actual chuunin exams. So their semi-established friendship rests on tenterhooks at the moment, and isn't anywhere near being at the point where this sort of behavior is appropriate.
That, and the fact that Kakashi has two eyes that are both the same color, and neither of them are a sharingan.
"Kakashi-san. I think something is wrong with me."
"Somehow we've gathered," Tsunade replies. She turns to Shizune, who had until now been hovering on the sidelines. "Fetch me Ino after all. And one of the Hyuuga medics - see if Ayano is around somewhere."
He's not exactly sure what help Tsunade expects to find from a thirteen year child, but he supposes there are bigger questions at the moment. Shizune quickly departs the room to hunt people down.
"Iruka," Kakashi says once it's just the three of them. Kakashi is still holding his hand, and Iruka is starting to get over the initial shock of the last few minutes and at least some part of his brain is quickly catching up with his body, and, oh shit, Kakashi is holding his hand. "Why don't you tell me the last thing you remember?"
Iruka frowns and blinks a few times as he attempts to recall the answer.
"I got up this morning... then I made breakfast," he says slowly. "I was walking to the Academy, and... after that, I don't... I'm not sure. I woke up in the hospital. It felt like I had just closed my eyes, and when I opened them I was here. And then you showed up, and I'm really confused."
"Tell me a bit more about the days before what you remember last," Tsunade prompts.
"Okay, well, Naruto and I went to lunch not long ago," Iruka continues. "I wanted to see him one last time before he left, so we went to Ichiraku's."
"Left where?" Kakashi asks, still gently.
"The village," Iruka answers. "To train? With Jiraiya-sama?"
Tsunade and Kakashi share a worried and very loaded glance.
"But that was-" Kakashi starts to say. Tsunade holds up a hand and cuts him off.
"Iruka," she continues. "Can you tell me what year it is?"
"What year?" Iruka asks. "What kind of question is that?"
"One I need you to answer," she says. "Tell me how old you are right now."
"What in the-? Tsunade-sama, I'm twenty-three," Iruka replies. The line of questioning is starting to frustrate him and it's clear they know something they are choosing not to clue him in on. Kakashi stares at him for a full fifteen seconds before he manages to say anything, and when he speaks, despite the fact he doesn't peel his eyes away from Iruka's face, it's clear Kakashi is not talking to him.
"How is this possible?" He asks.
"I don't know. I've never seen something that can so thoroughly erase that amount of time," Tsunade says. "Minutes, or hours, maybe. Not...."
Kakashi squeezes his hand, almost unconsciously, like he doesn't mean to.
"But where are his memories?" He asks. Iruka has never heard him sound so close to something like panic. "Are they just gone?"
Tsunade puts a hand to her chin and grunts in frustration. "I don't know. Ino should be able to tell."
"I'm right here," Iruka says hotly. "Can someone just tell me what's going on? Why are you both acting so weird? Why is everything so weird?" He rounds on Kakashi, pointing a finger at him. "And what happened to your eye? Why don't you have a sharingan?"
Kakashi takes a deep breath before he replies.
"Listen, Iruka," he says instead of answering him. He doesn't use an honorific and Iruka's name sounds so good coming from his mouth, soft like the way a pair of leather gloves wears down over time to perfectly fit onto your hands. Oh, it's definitely doing something to his head. Aside from whatever is already wrong with him. "You don't remember it, but you were on a mission until yesterday. You were hit with a jutsu that has-... tampered with a large portion of your memories-"
"Why did you hesitate on the word 'tamper'?"
"He's trying not to say 'erased'," Tsunade adds. "Though we've yet to rule that out entirely."
"His memories can't be gone," Kakashi argues. "They have to be somewhere."
"Not necessarily."
Iruka decidedly interrupts. "So I'm- what, I'm missing time or something?" He asks. "How much?"
"About five years, if my math is correct," Tsunade supplies helpfully.
"I... uh, come again?"
"Five years," Kakashi repeats, almost sadly. "The day Naruto left the village to train with Jiraiya was almost five years ago."
Iruka tries not to gape, but he's pretty sure he doesn't succeed. For a full minute he sits in stunned silence and attempts to remember anything following the moment he stood and watched Naruto's shadow crest over the hill as he walked away. But there's nothing. And after a minute of this he realizes the attempt is tiring him out. A headache is starting to form behind his eyes and is quickly gaining steam.
"Five years?" He says in disbelief. "There's no way I just forgot five years. I- I mean, wouldn't I feel like I was missing something?"
"Not necessarily," Tsunade says. "It depends on how well the jutsu was cast and how cleanly your memories were erased."
"Or blocked," Kakashi corrects. "They're not- they can't be gone."
"They very well might be," Tsunade says sternly. "We won't know until someone looks. Ino is on the way here. Actually, Iruka- tell me who you've talked to since you woke up in the hospital."
The rapid fire questions are not helping his headache much.
"Um, a few of the medi-nin, mostly. But otherwise just you and Kakashi-san."
"No one else?"
"No, why? Should I have?"
Tsunade shakes her head and then turns to head towards the door without an explanation.
"Don't move," she says simply, and she leaves.
Iruka heaves a sigh. "I don't understand," he says into the quiet room. "How can I not remember the last five years? What did I miss?"
"... a bit," Kakashi says, and Iruka glares.
"Not helping."
"I'm sorry. I can explain everything."
"What happened to your eye?"
"It's, well-... I lost it," Kakashi says carefully.
Iruka scoffs. "Clearly you found another."
"It's a long story. I promise I'll fill you in."
Iruka has nothing to say to this. Truthfully he's got plenty to say but doesn't feel like he knows how to particularly articulate himself at the moment. Tsunade is gone for less than two minutes before she comes back, and somewhat inexplicably she's brought Sakura trailing behind her. Iruka gasps quietly and claps a hand over his mouth to cover the sound as she comes into the room, because she's no scrawny pre-teen like he's expecting. In her place is instead a young woman, taller, fuller, her hair a little shorter and more neatly kept, and she's grown into her wide eyes a bit some too, though right now they're narrowed in a guilty smile.
"I figured it might be better to ease into this one at a time," Tsunade says. "You're about to meet a lot of people you haven't seen in a while."
"Hi, sensei," Sakura says with a small and almost nervous wave. Iruka stands and steps away from the bed. Sakura holds out a hand for him to take as he mentally wrestles with the idea that the grubby little girl he used to know is now a young adult. He just saw Sakura days ago - though he supposes that's not exactly true.
"Oh my goodness, Sakura-chan, you're-... it's really been five years, hasn't it? But look at you! You're grown! How old are you?"
"Ah, I'm actually turning nineteen in a few months."
"Nine- teen?"
Sakura chuckles quietly and squeezes his hand. "I know it's all a little weird, but we'll get to the bottom of this," she says.
Iruka nods somewhat wistfully and lets her go. He sits back down on the bed, still feeling stunned just as there's a soft knock on the door. It takes him some effort to do so, but Iruka keeps his expression neutral as Ino walks in the room, just as tall and full and beautiful as Sakura is as a young woman and Iruka still can't believe his kids have grown up so fast. Ino shares a glance with Sakura and gives a polite nod to both Tsunade and Kakashi as she stands at Tsunade's side.
"Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-sama," she greets. "I promise I'll do my best."
"'-sama'?" Iruka repeats. Ino pulls a face.
"Oh, damn," she says. Sakura claps a palm to her forehead.
"Why did she call you that?"
Tsunade speaks up when it's clear no one else is going to. "Because I'm no longer the Hokage," she says. "Kakashi took over last month, as Rokudaime."
Iruka's jaw practically hits his chest. "They made you the Hokage?"
Sakura bodily turns around to hide her snort but Tsunade does no such thing, and barks a laugh into the room at Iruka's too-honest reaction. Kakashi simply sighs.
"Believe it or not, yes."
"Sorry, I'm sorry, I just- I never would have- I mean, I can't believe you'd agree to that."
"It took some persuasion," Tsunade says, wiping tears from the corner of her eyes. Iruka regards Kakashi's sharingan-less expression, clearer and more readable now than it's ever been before.
"And your face is on the rock outside?"
"Sure is."
"Geez, is there anything else I should be aware of before I find out the hard way?"
Tsunade's mirth suddenly sobers, and Iruka can almost picture the way that Kakashi thins his mouth into a line at whatever his immediate answer to this question is.
"Well, actually..." Kakashi says. "Since you asked, yes."
Then he pauses, and from underneath his flak-vest he pulls out the thin necklace that holds his dog tags. He takes them off, and he puts them in Iruka's hand for him to read. And the name on them isn't Kakashi's. It's his. Iruka's eyes go wide, and he hurriedly reaches for his own neck to find the tags tucked under his shirt and pulls them out, reading the embossed name. Not his own, but Kakashi's.
"Why am I wearing these?" He asks quietly. "These are yours. Why are you wearing mine?"
"Because we traded them," Kakashi says carefully. "You aren't a fan of jewelry, and you didn't want a ring. So this was your idea. I admit, I liked it more anyway."
Iruka clutches Kakashi's tag in his fist and takes several agonizingly slow seconds to put two and two together and realize what Kakashi is trying to say. The longer he sits and thinks about it, the deeper his face reddens.
"There's no way," he says. "There's no goddamn way."
"Should I be concerned that this is so unbelievable-?"
"We're married?" Iruka interrupts. "We're married and you're the Hokage? I'm married to the Hokage!?"
"Yes... and, yes," Kakashi says. "Happily, I promise you."
Iruka thinks he might just cry from the ridiculousness of the whole thing. Six days ago he was practicing 'Hey Kakashi, do you want to grab lunch sometime?' in his bedroom mirror for twenty minutes before bed every night and now, inexplicably, he's skipped everything that might possibly come after that and has jumped right into marriage. Which, okay, if he ever allowed his fantasies to run rampant (not that he did too often), then maybe this is in the ballpark of where they would have ended up. Kakashi being the Hokage wasn't really part of the picture but that matters less than the larger picture which is that, somehow, they managed to get over their awkward post-fallout no-talking stage and go back to being friends. And then some. And Iruka can't remember a single minute of it.
"This is insane," he says. He's still holding both sets of tags in his hands. He knows his face is horribly red and there's no good way to hide it. "This is- it's- I- I actually don't know what to say."
"I know this is a lot to take in," Kakashi says. "I promise you, we'll figure it out."
"Which we can't do until we get started," Tsunade adds.
"R-right... of course, my apologies Tsunade-sama," Iruka says. Somehow his blush manages to get just a bit deeper. He hands Kakashi back his tags - Iruka's tags, the ones with his name instead of Kakashi's own - and Iruka tucks Kakashi's tags back under his own clothes. Kakashi then stands from the bed, resting a hand on Iruka's shoulder as he does so.
"I'll stay out of the way," he says to Tsunade, he somewhat reluctantly leaves the room.
"Alright, sensei," Ino says carefully. "Let's see what we can find."
As it turns out, the Yamanaka mind transmission jutsu is, in a word, unpleasant. And that's putting it mildly.
Iruka's perception of time is perhaps a little messed up but it feels like he sits there with Ino's palm on his forehead for a solid hour while she digs her fingers into his brain - metaphorically speaking of course but it doesn't feel metaphorical to have someone who doesn't belong waltzing around in your head, especially when they're actively searching for something and not making a great show of being subtle about it.
His headache goes from mild to debilitating in short order and they're forced to stop so Sakura can relieve it for him and he isn't struggling just to breathe through the pain. But it doesn't seem like Ino was able to find much, if anything, not from the frown she wears as she makes one last sweep and then declares she's done. Sakura rests a cool hand against his temple to remedy what remains of the headache, and by the time she's done he is exhausted. He's definitely not in the mood to entertain further conversation, but clearly they aren't done talking about this. Kakashi comes back into the room shortly and behind him is Tenzo, for some reason, and now there's five people packed around the bed which starts to make him anxious. Ino skips the preamble.
"Well, his memories are still there," she says. Iruka starts to get his hopes up- "But it's almost like they're... locked away." -and then they are quickly stomped on.
"What were they trying to accomplish by altering his memories like this?" Kakashi asks. "And to this degree?"
"These were rogue Iwa shinobi, but they weren't missing-nin, not as far as I could tell," Tenzo says. Iruka has no context for their conversation but assumes it has something to do with whatever mission he was on prior to this entire fiasco. "Maybe they were disillusioned by or unhappy with the alliance and didn't want us leaving with information they consider proprietary."
"What alliance?" Iruka asks. Kakashi regards him with something uncomfortably close to pity, though that could just be Iruka's own frustration messing with him. He sits down again on the edge of the bed, but he doesn't sit quite as close as before nor does he take Iruka's hand.
"Iwagakure and Konohagakure are currently in an alliance," he explains. "Your mission, the one you were on just before this, was to visit Iwa and speak to their Academy sensei, to trade information on our curriculums and see where improvements could be made."
"I still teach?"
Kakashi nods. "You do."
"...okay," Iruka says. "That's good."
Kakashi grasps his arm in a somewhat consolatory gesture before he turns back to Tenzo.
"You were able to dispatch the rogue shinobi?" He asks. Tenzo nods.
"They engaged with force well outside of Iwa's own territory. Their bodies were collected and are being kept in T&I."
"Then have word sent to the Tsuchikage," Kakashi says. Tenzo snaps to attention at Kakashi's sudden change in tone, recognizing that he's being given an order. "He's free to have the corpses retrieved if he so chooses, but make sure he understands I expect an investigation. Iwa shinobi attacked my own within our borders. This could have been the actions of a handful of individuals, or it could be a larger force of brewing unrest. If there's lingering tension between the villages then I want to address it sooner rather than later, before this is only the beginning of something worse."
"Of course," Tenzo replies. "If you need a team assembled for any reason, let me know. I will gladly captain it."
"Noted," Kakashi says, and Tenzo quickly departs. Kakashi doesn't drop the Hokage cloak just yet, and instead turns to Ino.
"Say more about how his memories are 'locked away'."
"Oh- well, honestly Kakashi-sensei, I'm not sure how else to describe it, but that's what it feels like," she says somewhat hesitantly. "Imagine if you will, a loud noise from behind a closed door. You know it's there, you can hear it, you can maybe even guess how far into the room it is because of the sound or the echo. But you can't see it, or tell what made it. And you can't open the door."
"Can anything?"
Ino rests a hand on her hip as she mulls it over. "The block isn't permanent, but it's strong. To me it seems like someone was going for a specific period of time, and... vastly overshot their target. It aligns with Tenzo-san's theory of rogue Iwa-nin trying to wipe his memories of the entire visit, but they miscalculated. What they wound up with was a much larger period of time locked away instead of entirely wiped clean. Which is what would have happened otherwise."
Tsunade makes a contemplative noise. "If the block isn't permanent, then what are the chances we can access the memories behind it?"
Ino frowns. "My father used to have a saying: you can't break open a door without splintering some wood. He's talked about cases similar to this. Sometimes there's very little that can be done outside of simply waiting for the strength of the block to start to fail, so it takes less effort to retrieve what it's hiding."
"If we try anything," Sakura pipes up. "It needs to wait until tomorrow. I'm not generally comfortable with subjecting anyone to the mind transmission jutsu more than once a day. It's not a gentle technique."
"...seconded," Iruka adds quietly. He covers his eyes with the heels of his palms to block out the bright overhead lights, or maybe just the room in general. He's finding it hard to keep up with the conversation when there's a degree of context he lacks. Right now the only thing he wants to do is go to sleep - preferably until this all smooths over and he's got his brain situated correctly again.
"Not my favorite plan, to sit around and wait," Tsunade says. "But I agree that we need to give it at least a day. Iruka needs to rest before we continue. He's on medical leave until I say otherwise." She spares a glance at Kakashi. "Though I suppose you're welcome to give the order yourself."
Kakashi hesitates before he replies.
"Let me have the room for a few minutes," he says. Ino obligingly follows Tsunade out of the room and Sakura trails after them, giving Iruka a gentle pat on the arm as she departs. He takes his hands away from his face but hasn't opened his eyes. When the door clicks, Kakashi walks over to the window and draws the blinds and the curtains to hide the sunlight, and then flips off the harsh fluorescents. Iruka peeks open an eye as Kakashi sits down on the edge of the bed.
"Thank you," he says. "That was... taxing."
"I know this is a lot to take in."
"I just can't believe there's so much I've missed." He clasps his hands in front of him, nervously wringing his fingers. Kakashi reaches out and covers his hands in an attempt to calm his fidgeting before he seems to realize that Iruka may not be comfortable with that sort of familiarity - not that he minds, definitely not, but it is weird.
"Sorry," Kakashi says. "Habit."
He withdraws his touch, though Iruka's face has already gone beet red and he groans in annoyance. "This is my worst nightmare."
"Why's that?"
Iruka has very little to lose at the moment and, hell, they're apparently married, so he figures he might as well lay out his cards since he can.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe it has something to do with the absolutely disgusting crush I have on you at the moment." He says this while pointedly avoiding looking Kakashi in the eyes. "Last week I was still working up the courage to talk to you, and now! Now you're telling me we're married?"
"You did, for the record," Kakashi says, no longer hiding his fond smile. "We started dating a few months after Naruto left."
"But I don't remember it," Iruka says in dismay. "And it doesn't even feel like I can't remember anything, to me it was just yesterday I got Ichiraku's with Naruto, and you were... geez, are you okay? I mean, I get that it's been a while, but... you were in bad shape after Tsunade-sama was finally able to wake you from being comatose after the Akatsuki came to the village."
"I was fine," Kakashi says. "I am fine, Iruka."
"Mostly," Iruka argues. "What about your sharingan?"
"It's a long story-"
"-you said that already."
"Well it is," Kakashi insists gently, which is also still weird. There are a lot of ways that Iruka could describe Kakashi but gentle has never been one of them. "I promise I can and will explain everything you've missed in as much detail as you want. But not right now. Right now you should rest, and tomorrow, we can talk."
As much as Iruka is dying to understand what's happening he's also severely wrung out, and maybe Kakashi is right. But the hospital is not his favorite place to be.
"Do I have to stay here?" He asks, but realizes he doesn't actually know where he'd go otherwise. "I mean, I guess I don't live in my apartment anymore."
Kakashi shakes his head somewhat sadly.
"You and I live in my estate, the one that used to belong to my father," he says. "But accommodations can easily be made otherwise. There's always the Hokage tower. It would certainly shorten my trip to the office every day."
"Wait, what? But I couldn't kick you out of your own house."
"Our house," Kakashi corrects.
"Oh, you know what I mean!" He says. This entire conversation feels so ridiculous to actually be having aloud.
"If it's uncomfortable for you, we can figure something out," Kakashi says. "Naruto has an apartment nearby. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you crashed with him for a while. But you might need to tidy the place a bit before it's liveable."
Uncomfortable is not the word he'd use to describe the way it makes him feel to think about sharing a house and a living space with Kakashi. He's not exactly sure what he might call it, if he's being honest. He rests his head in his hands with another groan.
"I don't know," he says into his palms. "I don't know what to do, this is so confusing . I just- I need some air. I need to think."
"Alright." Despite himself, Kakashi rests a hand on his back before he gets up. "Let me talk to Tsunade. I don't see any reason to keep you in the hospital."
Iruka says nothing, which Kakashi takes as his cue to give him a few moments in peace. He exits the room, and Iruka tries to take deep breaths until he comes back. Though in his absence, Iruka can't help but take the tags out from under his shirt one more time, and in more-than-slight disbelief, run his thumb over Kakashi's name.