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Keeping a giant fish-man hybrid and a sentient computer in your house was an odd experience, to say the least. For one, you blew through hundreds of dollars in groceries in a week because of Sebastian’s metabolism, and you were running around buying scrap metal so he could build Painter a proper body to move around with. Not to mention the fact that all three of you were trying to get Innovation Inc. to take Sebastian in and try to reverse his mutations. Needless to say, it was a fairly stressful experience for all of you.
It was a gloomy day today, and you stepped outside to find Sebastian on the porch. His tail spilled over the railing and onto the ramp you’d had installed to he could get inside easily, sopping wet in the rain. A pack of cigarettes rested on the railing where he leaned, and he took a long drag as you stepped forward to lean on the railing beside him.
“Hey. Whatcha doin?” Sebastian didn’t reply, instead expelling the smoke through his gill slits in a long sigh.
“Not in the mood to talk?” You pushed yourself off from the railing, about to walk back inside and continue sketching with Painter.
“No, no. Come here.” You turned around, and he continued. “Just… wanted to enjoy the buzz after so long. I had to resort to smoking the green flares when I was stuck down in the Blacksite, and those things stank to high heaven. Unfortunately, now I have to go through an entire pack up here to get the same rush I did when I was… human…” He shifted to resting his head in his hands, crushing the cigarette in his third and letting the ash fall to the yard below.
“But that doesn’t matter now. We’re up here, on the surface. And I’ll be back to no-hic- ahem. I’ll be back to -hic- normal s-hic- ergh, soon.”
“Wait, are you hiccuping?”
“-hic- No!! How daaare you -hic- suggest such a th-hic-ing!” This he said with a little bit of mockery in his voice, previous misery forgotten.
“I’ve never heard you hiccup before. Are you- are you DYING?” You replied jokingly.
Sebastian responded by swooning dramatically into your arms. “Oh, sAvE me -hic- mY KnIgHt iN ShInI -hic- nG ArMoR!”
You stepped back and let him fall, leaving him to flail gracelessly on his back on the deck as you both laughed. Then you sat down cross legged on the floor of the porch, playing idly with his esca as you spoke.
“Y’know,” you said, “Hiccups are an evolutionary leftover.” Sebastian’s eyes widened slightly, and he crossed his arms over his chest.
“ -hic- Nuh uh.”
“Yuh huh. They’re a reflex that used to help our amphibian ancestors switch between their lungs and their gills.”
“Are you -hic- being for real right now?”
“Yeah, duh. What do you think humans evolved from?”
“I dunno, -hic- monkeys? Gorillas, maybe? I’m an engineer, not -hic- Charles Darwin.”
“Earlier than that, fishsti-“ He interrupted you with a puff of stale, fishy cigarette breath.
“Yuck! What did you even have for breakfast this morning?”
“Raw eggs.” Sebastian grinned at you, showing off his multiple rows of thin, serrated teeth.
“You are disgusting, you know that?” You bopped him on the nose with your open hand.
“Bleh. Okay, do you -hic- even know what causes -hic- these stupid things? They used to -hic- drive me crazy down in -hic- the Blacksite.” The way he shut his mouth right after saying Blacksite made you think he’d acknowledged something he’d rather forget.
“Well, hiccups can be caused by plenty of things. Smoking, for one- you gave him a hard look- and stress, mostly.”
“Yeah, that kind of checks out for me.” Sebastian sounded kind of distant. “It was super stressful… being turned into a fish.” He lifted one of his hands from the floor of the porch and looked at it. Then he let it flop back onto the deck and made a quiet clicking noise with his tongue. “Oh hey. The hiccups are gone.” He looked at you before sitting up (could he sit up? technically he was already sitting. he’s a snake, they’re always sitting. right?)
“Go back to sketching with Painter, please. I don’t want to make myself and my problems any more of your business.” Given his tone, it seemed like he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. You left him alone on the front porch, and as you stepped inside, you could see him reaching for another cigarette.