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Being smart was the worst curse known to man.
Spud believed this with all his heart. His had a short lifetime to contemplate it. He figured out from pretty young age that smart = no fun. People thought the higher your IQ the more you weren’t allowed to enjoy anything for the sheer simplicity of it. Small things in life were for people who couldn’t comprehend the big ones. You were doomed to be a sad miserable cynic.
Which is why Spud has spent every day since getting into school making sure he was seen as the lowest achieving, uncaring, and uneducated kid possible. A decision he now knew to be absolutely foolish. Stood before his best friend and love of his life, Jake Long, it was this unserious and idiotic persona that held him back. Sure, Spud as he is now made for a great friend but a boyfriend? A partner that Jake could actually fall in love with? All the people Jake ad his own crushes on proved that Jake could never fall for him. For someone who wouldn't’ make a decent partner.
I mean... Jake was like normal kids. He had serious stuff going on in life. Having someone by his side was literally life or death. Spud... no matter if Jake and Trixie knew the truth about his intellect, he just didn’t carry himself with that dependability. He’s trapped himself in this persona forever. Unable to even make the switch in order to win Jake over. It would just feel fake. It wouldn’t be him, and Jake would know it. He wouldn’t go for it.
Spud had truly screwed himself over at the magnificently young age of a far too smart toddler.
You know, he really shouldn’t be experiencing this much stress at such a young age. The irony is not lost on him that he decided to life a life playing the fool so that it could be stress free and now it’s that very choice that’s bringing him the most stress in life.
“Yo, Spud! You going or not?” Trixie called out to him, drawing Spud from his thoughts. Spud blinked and did his best to act as if he was just staring into space and not specifically at Jake.
Spud forced a smile back up. Lazy and checked as always. Perfectly hiding the whirlwind that was his mind at all times. Needed more than ever now that it was a complete tornado of emotion. He slapped on his helmet.
“Yeah, man.” He said casually, walking up with his board. It’s time to play the game again. His smile was a little less forced when he was returning it to Jake before taking off. A sharp pain in his chest again at the unfulfilled thought.
Maybe one day, he’ll work up the nerve to tell Jake the truth.