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Ryuunosuke wished it was warmer.
The inside of the library was chill, the dark, never-ending stacks of books and documents only further dampening his mood, so he had hoped going outside for lunch would warm him up, but it was an unusually cool day for August. At least the fresh air would help after being cramped in the building’s stuffy atmosphere for the past few hours, and, of course, no day was truly unsalvageable when he had one of Iris’s lovingly packed lunches to enjoy.
He found a nearby bench to sit and pulled out the two bento boxes she had given him before he left. They were stacked on top of each other, but the one on top had a small note that said ‘This one first, Runo!’. Ryuunosuke was tempted to open the other one first, but he had a feeling she’d find a way to tell he hadn’t listened to her instructions and give him a scolding. His mouth watered as he took the lid off to reveal a neatly arranged traditional Japanese lunch even though he had already known what to expect. Normally, ingredients from Japan were hard to come by, but on Iris’s last market trip she had managed to find the more exotic ingredients.
He had his mouth full of his first bite of onigiri when he was startled by a deep voice speaking to him, “Good afternoon, my learned Nipponese friend.”
Ryuunosuke choked and coughed for a few moments under the Reaper’s silent and uncomfortable scrutiny. His eyes watered as he looked up and rasped, “Ah, sorry, hello, Lord van Zieks.”
In a marginally sympathetic tone, van Zieks apologized, “Pray, forgive the discourtesy of disturbing your lunch.”
“Um, it’s alright. Anyway, what are you here for today? Did you need something from me?”
“One such as yourself does not concern me. Good day.”
With that, he turned away with a swish of his cloak and continued to the library. Ryuunosuke slumped over and muttered, “Why did he even bother saying hello?”
A quiet snicker caught his attention, and he looked over to see a masked man in a hooded cloak trailing after the prosecutor. His eyes glanced to Ryuunosuke’s, lingering for a few moments in an unsettling, shadowed gaze; the small smile on his lips fell to a neutral frown. He quickly turned away and went inside the building.
It was only a brief interaction, but Ryuunosuke’s mouth went dry, and his heart stuttered. The surety and confidence effusing out of the step and movements of that stranger filled him with an aching sense of familiarity. It was just like Kazuma.
But Kazuma was dead. Ryuunosuke had found his killer and left his body behind while taking everything else of his with him. Except this wouldn’t be the first time he had imagined his friend was still here. He used to sit on the bed in their cabin picturing Kazuma studying at his desk and offering a smile in his direction. He had hoped to move on from these figments, but here he was, projecting his hopeless fantasies onto random strangers with passingly similar features.
Ryuunosuke squeezed his hands around his bento box, letting its sharp corners dig into his palms. He closed his eyes and breathed through the pain.
His lunch was less enjoyable when he started eating again, too many memories of similar meals shared with Kazuma coming back to the surface. Nevertheless, he finished it all; it wouldn’t be right to waste Iris’s hard work. Even if his mood had suffered, his curiosity about the second box was still piqued so he opened it up and found two sticks of mitarashi dango waiting for him. Ryuunosuke beamed. Iris had told him yesterday that they didn’t have any more rice flour so he had expected to have to wait a while to have more dango.
He wasted no time in digging into the first skewer. It was perfectly sweet and chewy, and he savoured every bite. He had only just started on the second serving when he heard the sound of approaching footsteps. Mouth full of food once again, he looked up to see the masked man from before staring down at him.
Managing not to choke this time, Ryuunosuke swallowed and asked hesitantly, “Um, can I… help you…?”
The stranger held out a notebook open to a page that read ‘May I sit with you?’.
“Uh, go ahead,” he stuttered out.
The man nodded and sat down next to him, close enough that his shoulder brushed against the other. Only a few inches of space were between them now, and Ryuunosuke could feel the heat seeping off him, warming him up in the face of the brisk breeze. He picked up his notebook and started to write.
‘If I may ask, is your name Ryuunosuke Naruhodou?’
“Huh?!” Ryuunosuke startled, whipping his head around and bumping harshly against the man. “How, how did you know who I am?”
‘I am Lord van Zieks’s apprentice. He’s shown me his past cases as part of his lessons, including the ones featuring you. A Japanese man wearing a defence attorney’s armband whom the Reaper himself greeted seemed a likely suspect.’ He smirked, a smug quirk of his lips, seemingly quite proud of his deduction.
Ryuunosuke stared. He couldn’t shake the incongruous sense of disappointment he felt from those words; he had hoped it was personal recognition rather than a guess.
He needed to stop pretending his partner could still be alive.
“Ah, well, you were right. Did you come here just to ask me that?”
‘No, I’- He paused, the pen hovering above the page in uncertainty, before he scratched it out and continued, ‘From what I have heard of your past trials, you seem very skilled. I wanted to see what you were like in person. I also wish to apologize to you on my master’s behalf for his rudeness earlier.’
Ryuunosuke gaped in disbelief. “He wanted to apologize?!”
‘No. I simply thought you deserved it. He doesn’t even know I’m out here at the moment.’
He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and said, “Thank you for your concern, but you don’t need to worry about me. I’m used to it. You should probably get back to whatever you were doing; I’d hate for you to get in trouble with Lord van Zieks just because of me.”
‘He can handle the public records without me for a time.’ The apprentice accented his period with a huff, a petulant frown on his face.
“Is he not a good master?” Ryuunosuke laughed.
His hand moved slowly and begrudgingly. ‘Not necessarily. He is a good teacher, and I’ve learned a lot from him. I just don’t like him personally, nor all the busywork he assigns me.’
“Hah, I don’t blame you. Lord van Zieks… doesn’t have a pleasant personality.”
The masked man barked a loud, sharp laugh before devolving into snickers as he brought a hand up to cover his mouth. The other hand wrote, ‘You get right to the point, don’t you?’
Ryuunosuke chuckled nervously. He hadn’t meant to be so blunt, but that laugh… It was so similar to Kazuma’s. It felt like a treasured, old blanket that he thought he had lost, bringing him a comfort he had missed so desperately. He bit his lip to keep it from trembling.
It couldn’t be him.
A tap on his shoulder. ‘Are you alright?’
“Oh! Uh, yes, I’m fine. Sorry, I just-” He was interrupted by a loud grumble. Someone’s stomach was growling. “Um…”
The apprentice pressed his lips together in embarrassment. ‘I apologize. I haven’t eaten lunch yet. I intended to eat after van Zieks and I were finished with our work here.’
“Here. You can have this.” Ryuunosuke quickly handed over the remaining stick of dango. “I don’t know if you like sweets, but it’s really good! Dango’s my favourite.”
He shook his head. ‘I can’t take that. It doesn’t look like something that’s easy to acquire in London.’
“Yes, the ingredients are hard to come by here, but that’s all the more reason for you to try it! I’ll eventually go back to Japan and be able to have as much as I want, but, for you, this could be your only chance to have some. I really don’t mind sharing.”
The apprentice hesitated and stared at the dessert as he fidgeted with his pen. A slight, pink flush crept out onto his cheeks past his mask. Eventually, he took it, letting his fingers linger as they brushed against Ryuunosuke’s hand. He didn’t write anything else as he slowly ate the remaining three pieces.
Ryuunosuke tried not to watch him lick the sauce from his lips. His own face was probably a vivid shade of pink. He cleared his throat and asked, “So, did you like it?”
He tilted his head in thought before picking up his notebook again. ‘It was a bit too sweet for my tastes, but I appreciate your kindness.’ He opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it with a warm smile. ‘It should keep me satisfied until my next meal. Thank you very much.’
Ryuunosuke grinned back, warmth fluttering in his chest. “You’re welcome.”
‘If there’s anything I can do for you, I’d be happy to repay you.’
“There’s no need for that! It’s not a big deal, but, um, could I at least get your name? I feel bad for not asking earlier…”
The apprentice’s smile fell, and he pursed his lips. ‘I’m afraid I can’t stay. I can’t shirk my work for too long. I have to get going.’
“Oh…” Ryuunosuke’s heart sank. “Sorry to keep you.”
The still nameless man stood up and scribbled on his paper, ‘Would you be willing to meet me again later tonight? I’d like to speak in a more private area.’
“Oh! Um, sure! There’s a place called Megundal Park near my flat; it should be pretty empty at night. Would that be good?”
‘Meet me there at 9?’
“Yes!” Ryuunosuke nodded back fiercely.
‘I’ll see you then, Ryuunosuke Naruhodou.’
With that, he swiftly turned on his heel and went back to his work, leaving Ryuunosuke staring at his retreating figure and wondering why he hadn’t wanted to say his name.
Ryuunosuke was starting to regret agreeing to meet a man he hardly knew at an empty park in the middle of the night. It wasn’t nearly as well lit as he would have liked, and the apprentice was late. He closed his eyes to pointedly avoid looking into the darkness that lurked past the range of the street lamps’ light.
“Ryuunosuke!”
He snapped his eyes open. It was a little hoarse, but he would recognize that voice anywhere. All those daydreams of waking up one day to find Kazuma’s death was one big nightmare were premonitions after all.
He whipped around in the direction of the voice, eyes already burning with the threat of tears. “Kazu-!”
It wasn’t his partner.
“I apologize for my tardiness; van Zieks kept me later than usual,” the apprentice said as he jogged toward Ryuunosuke. When he reached him, he paused. “...Are you alright?”
“I…” His voice caught in his throat and he struggled to respond. Was this man a gift from the gods to comfort him with familiarities or a punishment meant to torture him with what he had lost? He couldn’t decide. “...I just don’t like the dark. That’s all.”
The apprentice bowed his head. “Then let me say sorry again for leaving you here to wait alone for so long. I hope you aren’t too frightened to go for a walk? I can keep you safe.”
“It’s, it’s fine, thank you.” Ryuunosuke stuttered as he joined the other’s stride, meandering deeper into the park. “Um… why, why are you talking now?”
“Because we’re alone.” His voice dipped low in frustration as he continued, “The Lord Chief Justice has ordered me not to speak to anyone outside the prosecutor’s office.”
“What?! Surely- Surely, he doesn’t have the authority to do that!”
“I am not a British citizen. I am allowed to be here purely on his goodwill, so if I disobey his orders, he could have me deported. ...I do hope you won’t tell on me.”
Judging by the lilt in his voice and his smile, he meant that last part as a joke, but Ryuunosuke was still aghast. “Of course, I won’t! That’s horrible! I can’t imagine not being allowed to talk to anyone. It sounds so lonely.”
“...I doubt much would change even if I was permitted to speak. There is little I wish to say to anyone. Except-” Shadowed as they were under his mask and in the dim light, the apprentice’s eyes glinted as he stopped walking and stepped closer to Ryuunosuke. “I can’t seem to stop myself from wanting to talk to you. You make me feel more like a person, Ryuunosuke Naruhodou.”
“Ah.” The surrounding darkness probably wasn’t enough to hide the rising blush in Ryuunosuke’s cheeks. “You, you don’t feel like a person?”
He looked away and quietly admitted, “I don’t remember who I am. I have amnesia.”
“So, is that why you didn’t want to tell me your name? You don’t know it?”
He nodded.
“Is there at least something you’d like to be called? It doesn’t feel right to think of you as just The Apprentice in my head.”
He held out his hands and shrugged ruefully. “But that’s what I am.”
“No, it’s not!” Ryuunosuke blurted and put himself a little too close to the other man’s personal space. “Obviously, you’re an apprentice, but that’s not all you are. You’re still a person even if you can’t remember who exactly you are. You deserve to have a real name.”
“Then give me one.”
“What?” Ryuunosuke stepped back, both from the shock of the request and the emphatic tone in which it was said. “I, I can’t do that. You should pick it yourself.”
He tilted his head and smiled. “I’m open to suggestions. I have no clue as to what my name used to be, so if I’m going to get another name from someone, I’d like it to be from you.”
“Oh, well, I guess…” Ryuunosuke looked away as he thought. His first instinct was to blurt out Kazuma’s name, but that would just be cruel for both of them. In the end, he muttered without thinking it through completely, “What about Ore?”
“Ore?”
“Ah, sorry! That, that’s not a very good name. Let me think of something else!”
“You mean ‘me’, right?,” he asked, bringing a hand to his chin in contemplation. “Or ‘I’?”
“Do you… know Japanese?”
“I do. I suppose that’s a hint as to where I come from, but it’s still not all that helpful to me if I can’t remember anything else.”
It wasn’t helpful to Ryuunosuke either. All it did was make it harder to deny the possibility that he was Kazuma, but he couldn’t bring himself to accept that hope even now; he couldn’t bear to have his heart crushed under the weight of its corpse if he turned out to be wrong. He swallowed down the lump in his throat.
“A-Anyway, I don’t want to give you some nonsense-sounding name, so-”
“No,” his companion cut him off sharply. “I like it. I accept it.”
“...Why?”
The apprentice, or rather Ore, crossed his arms as he spoke seriously, “Ore wa ore. I am me. You tell me I shouldn’t think of myself as just an apprentice, so I’ll be me instead.”
“Haah, you make it sound so poetic. I didn’t put nearly as much thought into it as I should have,” Ryuunosuke sighed and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Then you simply have a good instinct.” Ore reached out and took Ryuunosuke’s hand, lifting it to his lips with gentle reverence. “It’s an honour to be given a name from someone like you.”
“I-It’s really not that big of a deal! I-I’m not anyone special!”
“On the contrary, I might not know you that well, but I think you’re quite remarkable.”
Ryuunosuke was blushing furiously, and his palms were sweaty as he mumbled back, “Thank you, um, Ore…”
His eyes lit up, the moonlight piercing the shadows of his mask. He let go of his hand and cupped his cheek. “No, thank you for giving me this gift, Ryuunosuke.” He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.
Just a name didn’t feel like enough, not when nothing else about Ore’s situation had changed, but Ryuunosuke couldn’t bring himself to object again. How could he when the sensation of lips curled in contentment lingered on his skin?
“...May I ask for a selfish favour?” he whispered, not daring to look up at Ore despite how close he still was.
“What is it?”
“Can you kiss me again?”
The only response was warm lips on his and the sharp point of a mask digging into his cheek.