Chapter Text
Robin shifted uncomfortably on the sofa.
While the butter-yellow room, with its Japanese-inspired decor—bonsai trees, a small water feature that always made her feel like she had to pee, and a tiny Zen garden complete with miniature stones and a rake—tried its best to create a calming atmosphere. Robin did not feel calm. Not even the inspirational wall posters, telling her to “hang in there, baby” and “tomorrow is another day to start again” made it any easier to come back here week after week. Back to Dr. Eilidh Stewart. She was Scottish like Barclay, which made Robin like her immediately. Her brogue just wasn’t as thick as Barclay’s.
Outside of her blue hair being roughly chopped very short (to Robin, it looked like she cut her hair herself), and being heavily covered in tattoos, she didn’t seem as “unconventional” as she first thought. Dr. Stewart didn’t have any crystals in her office, nor has she laid her hands on Robin’s body for a reiki session. Her open laptop was covered edge to edge with all sorts of stickers proclaiming her allyship to the LGBTQ+ community, to save the ocean, to give a hoot and don’t pollute. How reading is FUNdamental, and all sorts of psychology puns Robin just didn’t quite get yet. It was only her third session after all.
“So, what was your reaction on finding the ring?”
“I thought ‘Oh God, no’, and immediately connected it to being a tiny sparkling shackle.”
Robin watched as Dr. Steward nodded and typed up a brief note.
“What about any physical reactions or initial feelings that surfaced?”
“I felt a wave of shock at first. Felt whole body break out into a sweat, and then felt genuine fright.”
“Interesting. Okay. So you say you love Ryan. Can you walk me through your thought process when you think about that?”
“Well, that’s easy. I think – no, I know – I love him.”
“Is that your thought process?”
“What do you mean?” Robin asked – wondering what unspoken words the therapist uncovered in her 11-word sentence.
“That you think – no, you know – you love him?”
“I guess, yeah.”
“Sounds to me like you’re trying to convince yourself rather than your brain processing a true and natural emotion.”
Dr. Steward let Robin sit in silence for a minute while she processed that.
When Robin had no rebuttal, Dr. Seward had one more question for her.
“Robin, if you’re trying to force yourself into loving him, why the fuck are you still with him?”