Chapter Text
Pregnant.
That digital word mocked you even weeks after you'd thrown out the test. You weren't upset. You were actually ecstatic about it. You were growing an Itty bitty baby that you and Jason had made together. It’s just you didn't know what Jason thought about it.
Mostly because you hadn't told him and weren't really sure if you were going to tell him. You'd never talked about it, having kids.
You had finally settled into a rhythm with each other in your apartment. Your relationship was moving forward, he found a real job at a mechanic shop down the street, while still doing his vigilanteing. Life was comfortable, which was something you never thought you could get with a vigilante boyfriend.
You had talked about marriage though, kind of. It had been an off comment, a tease about him having a stronger opinion on something if you were his wife.
Minus the short marriage talk, you don't know that your relationship would survive a baby. You want it to. You want it to so badly it aches. You love Jason more than anything and you know he loves you but you don't know if he even likes kids.
Sure, there was Lian. You two babysat her all the time but that was different. Lian was the easiest kid you'd ever been around and she was toddler and not yours and Jason's.
Aside from that, you know Jason had a tough childhood and that he had internalized a lot of it whether he knew it or not. His father figures were OCD Batman and an absent father, not great choices. You knew that's what Jason would say, could visualize it in your mind. He'd say he couldn’t be a good father because he had sucky examples.
In the weeks since you'd taken the test, you'd gone in cycles. Near neurotic panic, nauseating sadness, and overwhelming love for everything.
You think Jason knows something’s up. He'd been especially soft with you. Kissing away both happy and upset tears, rubbing your back as you threw up. You told him you were sick, the flu at the same time as your period that totally crashed at your usual hormone cycle. He believed you but you didn't know for how long.
The potential of a slip up came sooner than you expected. You hadn't been showing yet only looking slightly bloated rather than pregnant. It didn't stop Jason from touching you, wanting you the way he usually did.
Even though you felt gross half the time, you didn't stop him. If only because you felt like you wanted Jason more than ever, the way he'd shudder when you touched him just so, the flush of his skin. You felt a little feral about it.
You finally had to stop it though, despite the way you wanted to trap him in bed. You'd noticed two things while he was gone on overnight mission helping Dick with something.
You'd been watching TV, volume low as you tried to drag yourself into the realm of sleep. It was an odd flutter in your stomach. You thought you were going to throw up your dinner. You had stood slowly and made your way to the bathroom but you paused before you reached it as the feeling moved. You went to the bedroom instead and stood in front of the full length mirror.
You stare at yourself and press a hand to your stomach. You don't feel anything on the outside, no punching hands or jutting feet from a growing infant but you can still feel them moving around inside you. You turn slightly and tug up Jason's sweatshirt.
You stare and stare at your belly. It was like over night your bloated stomach changed shape to a very distinct bump. Your hand settles against your skin. The tears start before you can stop them and you blubber quietly to yourself and your baby.
“Hi, you're awake. I can feel you.” You rub over the little bump like you could touch them as you cry. Your feet moved without thought back to the living. You pick up your phone and call Jason.
He picks up on the first ring, “is everything okay? What's wrong?”
“Jason,” you say his name through happy tears before they stop your lips dropping into a frown.
“Sweetheart? What is it? Talk to me” He says with a tone heavy with concern.
“I’m sorry. I just missed you.” You drop to the couch, hand settling on your belly in defeat. You wanted to tell him your baby was moving, that you were showing, that you were pregnant. You fear takes over instead. Even if you found the courage he deserved to be told in person.
“I miss you too, baby” he coos and your eyes grow wet again.
“I love you, Jason.” You cry and he rushes to placate you even over the phone.
“I love you too, you know that. Are you sure you're okay?”
“Yeah,” you sniffle, “be safe, okay?”
“You know it. Get some sleep, honey. Love you.”
“Love you” you answer wetly before hanging up.
You call Cass next. In your overt worry you had managed to pull yourself together for doctor visits but the fear of doing it all alone the first time wasn't something you could take. You'd told Cass because you knew she'd keep quiet about it even though she insisted you tell Jason.
She answers with a bang followed by a grunt and then silence.
“You okay?” She finally asks after a beat. You forgot with it being the middle of the night that she would be on patrol.
“She moved,” you whisper. It surprises you a second. You hadn't gendered the baby before.
“Did she? Could I feel her if I came over?” Her excitement bleeds into her words and simmers your anxiety with Jason.
“No, not yet. She's just moving around on the inside. No kicks yet.”
“Dang it.” You barely hear her mutter and it makes you smile.
“I called Jason.” You tell her weakly.
“You told him?” she asks, surprised.
“No. I just wasn't thinking and I called him to tell him and I just couldn't, Cass. What am I doing?” you listen to her sigh across the line.
“What you think is right. You know I think you should tell, if you don't he'll figure it out anyways. You know he will.” She answers quietly but you can't tell if it's to calm you or because she’s stalking someone.
“I'll tell him.”
“You will?”
“Just not yet.”
You hear her heavy sigh through the line, “I’m coming over after this and I'm bringing Spoiler.”
She leaves you no room for argument. You agree and hang up. You slump on the couch, rubbing a hand on your newly discovered baby bump.
*****
Jason returns the next day with an air of exhaustion to him. You don't like seeing him so tired but just this once you're grateful. After greeting you with a kiss and soft utterance of ‘missed you’ and ‘love you’, he went straight to bed. It gave you some time to try and make a plan. Jason was usually pretty handsy after a mission, the lingering adrenaline really got him going.
You came up with a few evade tactics. You couldn't let him get your clothes off, at least your sweatshirts and hoodies that you were using to hide the baby bump from him. You certainly couldn't let him touch your belly either, even if he was just hugging you.
The first near slip was after he woke up. You were washing the dishes and he came up behind you, hand sliding over your hip. You jolt, soapy hand grasping at his to stop its movement. Your turn abruptly to face him, water spraying slightly onto his shirt. He gives you a questioning look.
“Hi,” you say, a little breathless, and give him what you hope is a confident smile.
“Hi, baby. You okay?” his other hand meets your other hip just holding you.
“Yeah, ‘course. Why wouldn’t I be?” you rush out. His features turn into one of concern.
“Are you sure?”
Your hands press into his wrist, pulling them away from your body, “Yeah, I’m just not in any mood, you know? And you scared me a little is all.”
His arms grow limp in your hold. Your chest aches a little as you watch a frown from on his lips.
“Sorry, sweetheart.” he says and you hate how he sounds upset. You shift on your tip toes to press a kiss to the edge of his mouth.
“It's okay. I’m not mad.”
*****
It turns out you can only resist Jason so much. You don't even know how it happened but you end up on your back in bed later that evening. Spit slick lips pressed together as Jason settles between your legs, hand skimming up your thighs. The heat of his hand against the bare skin of your hip makes you freeze, hand shooting down to grab his. It takes nearly a minute for him to stop kissing down your neck, finally noticing your halting.
He shifts up on his forearm to look down at you, brows pinched. Your hand that had been tangled in his hair moves to swipe a thumb over the crease.
“You don't wanna?” he asks, “still in any mood? It's okay if you're not a sweetheart. You know I don’t want anything you don't want.”
The worst part of Jason's concerns and question is that you were in the mood. It burned in your blood, panties damp. You just didn't want him to see the bump.
“I know, Jay. I know. I’m just-” what excuse did you have to not fully undress, “bloated. I don't look good right now.”
He gives you an unimpressed look, “When has that ever bothered me, honey. You're beautiful.” He leans down and kisses gently at your cheek, “even if you were a worm, or a rat, or a squirrel.”
You laugh then, a wet giggle of affection, as you stroke his cheek, “Thank you Jay, but can I leave my sweatshirt on. Please.”
“If that's what you want, sweetheart. You won't get too hot?” you shake your head at his question.
It turns out Jason definitely does not need you naked to pleasure you. After, you lay awake staring at Jason as he sleeps. Even if you could manage to convince him you had to wear a hoodie or sweatshirt every time, Jason was still too touchy even when you weren't having sex. This was going to be harder than you thought.
*****
It takes nearly a month before everything comes crashing down. You were visiting the manor for a weekend lunch, just checking in. You were thankful for the cold fall weather, it gave you an excuse to keep your hoodie on even in the house.
You think Jason was starting to become suspicious or at least a little upset. You had become very talented at spinning out his hold before he could touch your belly but every week you watched it grow. It was odd the way you could feel her moving inside you.
You had gone twice for your monthly visits and twice you had felt incredibly lonely. You were starting to hate how unfair it all felt and how much it was your fault but you were still scared of how Jason would react. You tried to broach the idea of children to him in conversation, just to get where his head was at, but every time he would just shrug his shoulders.
You were set on getting some girl time with Cass and Steph, who had joined your little secret baby society that night the baby started moving. You weren't sure of it, because you felt the baby move all the time, but you think she was starting to kick. That if someone were to touch your belly, they would feel her too. You needed someone to test though to be sure. It was before lunch was served that you split from Jason and dragged the girls into a separate room.
“You're growing so fast!” Steph exclaimed when you pulled up your sweatshirt. Both girls had a hand on you before you could blink. The three of you stood in silence for a minute before Cass looked at you.
“Are you still throwing up?” she asks, hand still on your belly.
“Not really. Just nausea every once and a while.” you shrug.
“Shhhh,” Steph hushes you both and you smile as she leans closer to belly. You were happy that, even though you hadn't told Jason, you still had the girls, supportive as ever.
Steph gasps and drags Cass hand over to where hers was. They both look at you with wide eyes and grins.
“Dude, there's a baby in there.”
You snort at Steph’s statement, “Really, Steph? I hadn't noticed.”
A knock on the door has you tugging your hoodie down quickly as Alfred calls out that lunch was ready. You three take your time meandering to the dining room. You don't miss the upset look that Jason throws you as you sit down. It has you sitting a little closer to slip your hand around his. Lunch goes as it usually does, too many people talking all at once. Jason was being suspiciously silent. You wonder if one of his brothers had already gotten on his nerves. It's as you’re laughing at something Duke was telling you when Jason asks a question that throws everybody for a loop.
“Are you cheating on me?” The dining room goes quiet surprisingly quickly.
“What?” you blink at him.
“You heard me.”
You look around at his family, an odd surrealness to that fact that he’s bringing this concern up right at this moment, “You want to have this conversation right now?”
“I haven't done anything wrong. Have you?” he gives you that upset look again and it makes your eyes prickle with the heat of tears.
“Jason,” Cass says his name like a warning.
“You two know about this, don't you?” He gestures to her and Steph.
“It’s not like that,” Steph jumps to defend you. You don't wait for more of the conversation, a nausea you hadn't felt since earlier in your pregnancy hitting you. You push out of your seat and rush out of the dining room. You barely hear Cass of all people yell at Jason, “What’s wrong with you?”
You barely make it to the nearest bathroom before you’re puking up your lunch. Even afte,r you cry. How could Jason even think that you would do something like that? Cass finds you first, settling with you where you cry on the floor. It was too dramatic of a reaction you think, but your wacked out hormones only made it worse.
“Why would he-” you choke on the question. Cass’s hand grips yours.
“Boy talk.” she says, “you haven’t been as touchy with him. All the boys thought it meant you were seeing someone else, pulling away.”
“He would've known, Cass, if I had let him touch me. I just- he hates me now.” you cry.
She coos at you, “He doesn't hate you, he’s just confused.”
You shake your head in disbelief. This wouldn't work. Jason didn't want you anymore, he wouldn't want the baby. You couldn't stay.
“I should leave,” You say, wiping your tears, “I should leave Gotham. It’ll be easier.”
“Let's not do anything dramatic now,” Cass says, shaking her head. You ignore her and try to push yourself to your feet.
“Help please,” you ask with your hand out. Even as she helps you, she tries to talk you down.
“You can't just leave. You should talk it out.” she tells you as you walk out of the bathroom and head for the front door.
“Leave? You're leaving?”Jason appears in the hallway and walks around him.
“You don't want me anymore. You think I would cheat on you.” you sniffle as you walk away.
“Well are you?”
“No!” you turn back to him with sudden anger. You can't believe he was even asking you that again.
“Then why-”
“I’m pregnant and you're the father! But you don't want me or this, so I’m leaving Gotham.” you turn back to your original route.
****
I’m pregnant and you're the father.
Jason couldn't believe those words had left your mouth. He stands there stunned staring at the spot you had been standing. You were pregnant. You were going to have a baby, his baby.
“Hey, asshole. You gonna just let her leave?” Steph’s voice kicks him from his shocked stare. He turns to find his entire family watching through the doorway, Dick and Tim with guilty looks. He knew he shouldn't have talked to them about it.
He takes off after you, out the front door and down the steps. He finds the driver side of the door propped open. You’ve got your face buried in your hands as you cry in despair. It stabs him right through the heart. This was all his fault. The love of his life, the mother of his child crying in the midst of a failed runaway. He hated it.
He eases onto his knees on the ground next to you, “Baby?”
“I don't have the car keys,” you cry. He doesn't know why he hadn't figured this out sooner. You had been crying an awful lot recently.
“Do you really want the car keys?” you sniffle as you drop your hands to look at him.
“You don't want me anymore.” You state.
“I never said that sweetheart.” his hand press gently into your knee.
“You thought I was cheating on you.” You frown at him.
“Only for thirty minutes and I’m sorry for ever thinking such a thing. Please forgive me.”
You're quiet for a moment and Jason’s never felt so on edge. Then, slowly, you curl your hand on top of his.
“Jason, I’m scared.” You quietly admit. With your returned affection, he sits a little straighter to slide his hand around the side of your neck, thumb stroking at the hollow of your cheek.
“Why’re you scared?” He murmurs.
“I don't think you want this.” your free hand presses to your stomach and Jason watches the fabric of your hoodie mold to the shape of your belly, a bump you’d done surprisingly well at hiding from him.
“Is it what you want?” He asks you. Truth be told, Jason hadn't put much thought into having children. It was only after he met you that he even thought there was a future worth living for, something to come home safe too.
“I do. I want it with you, Jay.” His hand moves from your knee to join your hand at your belly.
“Then I do too. You should know by now that I want everything with you.” he coos quietly, “Can I see it? Your belly that you’ve been hiding.”
You nod slowly and drag your sweatshirt up. Jason’s surprised. You're bigger than he expected. He eases his hand over your skin in awe and then he feels it, the little bump against his hand. He looks up at you with wide eyes but you're staring down at your belly with teary adoration.
“Baby, how long?”
You give him a shameful look when you meet his eyes, “The doctor says I should be about 20 weeks along.”
Jason does some quick mental math in his head, “You’re five months pregnant.”
“Four and a half.”
“Sweetheart.”
“I’ve only known for about two and a half. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” You rush out apologetic.
“No, no. I’m sorry for making you think you had to hide it from me. I love you and I will always want you and I want this, okay?” He stares you down to be sure you got it. He watches your eyes grow wet again before throwing your arms around his shoulders, hugging him awkwardly from your seat in the car.
“I love you, Jason,” You breath out ragged against his neck. You stay like that long enough that Jason begins to worry about the odd twist of your back. He indulges longer than he should’ve, his hand still on your stomach feeling the slight shift of the baby.
“We should go inside, yeah? Finish up lunch.” he eases away from and kisses your lips lightly before moving to wipe the tear stains from your cheeks.
He watches your face shift into an embarrassed pout, “I made a fool of myself.”
“No, I made an ass of myself for listening to my idiot brothers. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” He gently tugs you out the car and helps you back to the house.
*****
There’s quite the line up when you two enter the house. The entire family is waiting for you in the foyer. Dick and Tim are quick with apologies.
“To be fair though, we did not tell him to throw you under the bus in front of everyone like that,” Dick justifies slightly. You frown at it and he rushes to correct it, “Not that matters. What matters is everything's worked out now, right?”
You look at Jason. His hand hadn’t left your back since he’d helped you from the car. You find him already staring at you, this new look of love in his eyes. Jason had always looked at you like he loved you but this seemed different.
“Everything’s fine now. He’s not allowed to come to you two for advice anymore.” You state. Tim rubs at the back of his neck, nodding.
“Yeah, that's fair.”
Bruce clears his throat, the crowd around you all looking at their imposing father figure, “Is there something you’d like to share with us?”
There’s a hint of a smile that you’d seen only a number of times, like he was making a joke that he knew only he would find funny.
“Hardly announcement, father. She shouted it across the Manor.” Damian juts in. He hovers closer, having been unexpectedly quiet, “The child is in good health.”
The way he says it has you squinting down at the boy before glancing over at the girls, “Did you tell him?”
They both shake their heads. You turn to stare down Damian.
“You weren't eating salami. You love salami. You didn't have any soft serve ice cream when we went to the zoo. And of course the morning sickness. Accessing your records at Gotham General was of little challenge.”
“Damian, we talked about looking up people's medical records.” Bruce sighs.
“Hold on,” Jason interrupts, “you told Steph and Cass?”
“I didn't want to go to the doctors alone. I told Cass so it's no surprise Steph followed.” you explain.
“That feels like it should be offensive. Is that offensive?” Steph asks and you shake her head her.
“Okay, before this becomes another disaster. I am pregnant, as I ‘shouted’ early. Jason’s the father, no cheating. Four and a half months along.” You pull the fabric of your hoodie taut, baby bump evident, “She is in good health and she’s started moving a lot more.”
“She?” Jason questions quietly.
“Well, I’ve been calling them she but, I'm not sure. The sonogram for the sex is in two weeks but I just kind of feel like they’re a girl, you know?”
“Mother’s intuition?” he offers and you blink. It startles you a bit. You'd been so worried about the hiding and your’s and the baby’s health, you hadn't sat and thought about how you were about to become a parent. You were going to be mom and Jason was going to be a dad. Your eyes well up again.
“No offense, dude, but how did you not know?” Duke asks and it makes you laugh wetly.
*****
When you get home, Jason has you lay out for him in a tank top instead of your hoodie. He lays by your belly and talks for what feels like hours. You cry off and on and Jason, your sweet Jason, would pause to kiss at your tears and mutter apologies before going back to talking to your baby.
This is what you had wanted the entire time. You wish you had just talked to him but Jason didn't seem to hold it against you, his hand pressing sweetly against your belly.
“I'll get Dick and Tim to help move everything out of the office. It can be their punishment for convincing me you were cheating.” He mutters quietly and it takes you a moment to realize he's talking to you.
“What are you talking about?” You question, hand sliding into his hair.
“For the nursery. We're months behind, babe.” You stare at him. He'd know less then twenty four hours and his mind was already moving full steam ahead. You hadn't even thought about a nursery.
“I'm sorry,” you frown and he shifts away from your belly to hover over your face.
“That wasn't a jab, sweetheart. You're just making it a fun challenge. How much can we get done before she's here?” It's playful, the way he comforts you. He leans down to kiss at the corner of your eye and it makes you squirm.
“Hopefully everything.” You huff before relaxing back down into the bed, “jason, I’m hungry.”
“What do you want? I can make something, a warm soup maybe?” As he speaks, he kisses your face. You gnawed on your lip. You fought to be quiet about your cravings because of how weird they sounded but Jason knew now. He could find how insane your stomach had become.
“Pickles.”
He sits to make a face at you, “pickles?”
“Covered in chocolate syrup.” You add quietly.
Jason's face contours, nose wrinkling in disgust before it molds into some more neutral, “you want pickles covered in a chocolate syrup?”
“Yeah,” you nod slowly, “could you drizzle some chili oil on it too?”
“Babe,” he sighs like he's in pain, "I'm trying really hard to be supportive but that sounds disgusting.”
“I know,” you shrug, “but it tastes good to me.”
“You've eaten it before?” He sounds astonished as he questions you.
“I do loads of stuff without you knowing.”
“Lame. You should tell me everything, honey.” He coos before kissing you slowly. He pulls away only to stare into your eyes, “I'll make your weird food for you but only because I love you.”
You grin up at him and peck at his lips, "I love you.”
As Jason wanders out of the bedroom, you sit up and rub at your belly, “that was your dad. I don't think I've seen him talk to someone so much. You should get used to his voice and his stories. He's only a little insane sometimes. It's okay because he loves so much and that includes you, baby. You're going to be so loved you won't know what to do with it all.”
“Where's the chili oil?” Jason yells from the kitchen.
You snort before pushing yourself off the bed, "He's also really not observant when it comes to you and me. I'm going to teach you to get away with so much stuff.”