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The first time Izuku meets Hashirama Senju, it’s in the middle of a forest that shouldn’t exist—lush, ancient, and humming with chakra so gentle it feels like a lullaby. Izuku’s been flung here by a quirk accident, of course. He’s still brushing leaves out of his hair when the forest parts like it’s been waiting for him, and there stands Hashirama, smiling like springtime.
Izuku bows so fast he nearly knocks himself out on a low-hanging branch. Hashirama laughs, startled and delighted, and bows back with equal enthusiasm. They both apologize at the same time. Then apologize for apologizing. Then laugh, flustered and pink-cheeked, until the forest itself seems to giggle with them.
---
They bond instantly.
• Hashirama shows Izuku how to coax flowers from the soil with chakra.
• Izuku teaches Hashirama how to make friendship bracelets out of All Might-themed paracord.
• They both cry watching a squirrel rescue its baby from a puddle.
• They both try to hide it. They both fail.
Hashirama calls Izuku “Midori-chan” after the color of his hair. Izuku stammers and calls Hashirama “Senju-san” until Hashirama pouts and insists on “Hashirama-kun.” Izuku nearly combusts.
---
The pining is catastrophic.
• Izuku writes in his notebook: Hashirama Senju: Wood Release, legendary chakra, smile possibly a Genjutsu??
• Hashirama carves Izuku’s name into a tree and then panics and tries to cover it with moss.
• They spar once. It ends in a hug. Somehow.
• They build a tiny shrine together to honor “the spirit of friendship.” It’s shaped like a heart. Neither of them acknowledges this.
---
They dance around each other like two cinnamon rolls in a microwave—sweet, spinning, and slightly unstable.
Hashirama invites Izuku to a moon-viewing picnic. Izuku brings rice balls shaped like tiny trees. Hashirama brings a bouquet of flowers that blush when touched. They sit too close. They sit too far. They keep scooting. Eventually, they end up shoulder to shoulder, pink-faced and glowing.
“I’m really glad I met you,” Izuku says, voice soft.
Hashirama looks at him like he’s sunlight. “Me too, Midori-chan.”
The moon rises. The forest sighs. And somewhere, a squirrel officiates a wedding in its tiny squirrel heart.
It starts with a stammer.
“I-I mean, if we’re friends now, you can just call me Izuku,” he says, eyes wide and hopeful, fingers nervously twisting the hem of his sleeve.
Hashirama beams like he’s just been handed a sacred scroll of affection. “Zukuchan,” he says instantly, with zero hesitation and maximum sweetness.
Izuku short-circuits. “Wha—Zukuchan?!”
Hashirama tilts his head, innocent and devastating. “You said first name, right? It’s cute. Like you.”
Izuku makes a noise that could be classified as a squeak. “Then I’m calling you Hashicchan!”
They stare at each other. The forest holds its breath. Somewhere, a bird faints from the sheer overload of adorableness.
---
From that moment on, it’s war. A soft, cinnamon-scented war of nicknames and blushing.
• “Hashicchan, you forgot your tea!”
• “Zukuchan, I carved your name into this tree again. Sorry. It just… keeps happening.”
• “Hashicchan, you can’t just grow a flower crown on my head when I’m talking!”
• “Zukuchan, you look radiant. Like a heroic daikon.”
Izuku doesn’t know whether to cry or laugh. He does both. Hashirama gently pats his back with a hand glowing faintly with chakra and affection.
---
They try to spar again. It lasts three seconds.
Hashirama calls out, “Zukuchan, prepare yourself!”
Izuku responds, “Hashicchan, I won’t hold back!”
They both trip over their own feet, land in a pile of leaves, and end up nose-to-nose, blinking.
Neither moves. The forest sighs. A squirrel throws rice.
---
Tobirama walks in once and immediately walks back out.
“I’m not emotionally equipped for this,” he mutters.
Bakugo, somewhere across the multiverse, sneezes violently and doesn’t know why.
The table is set. The forest clearing glows with soft lantern light. Hashirama has grown a living canopy of bioluminescent vines overhead. Izuku brought handmade place cards with everyone’s names in glitter gel pen. It’s supposed to be a peaceful dinner. A bonding moment. A celebration of friendship.
It is not.
---
Hashirama and Izuku are in full cinnamon-roll mode.
• Hashirama pulls out a flower crown mid-meal and gently places it on Izuku’s head.
• Izuku blushes so hard he nearly knocks over the soup.
• They call each other “Hashicchan” and “Zukuchan” every five seconds.
• They feed each other rice balls. With chopsticks. While giggling.
---
Madara and Tobirama are suffering.
• Madara gags audibly every time Izuku says “Hashicchan~” in that soft, reverent tone.
• Tobirama has developed a tic. His eye twitches every time someone blushes.
• Izuna is trying to be supportive but keeps choking on his tea from secondhand embarrassment.
• Madara mutters, “This is a battlefield of saccharine death,” and tries to stab a daikon with unnecessary force.
• Tobirama attempts to redirect the conversation to military strategy. Izuku responds with, “That’s so cool, Tobikun!” Tobirama short-circuits.
---
The disaster escalates.
• Hashirama summons a tiny wooden deer to deliver dessert.
• Izuku cries because it’s “so thoughtful.”
• Madara throws his napkin like a shuriken and declares, “I’m leaving before I develop cavities.”
• Tobirama follows, muttering, “I need to recalibrate my emotional firewall.”
---
Izuna stays behind.
He watches Hashirama and Izuku giggle over mochi shaped like hearts and sighs. “You two are ridiculous,” he says fondly. “But… I guess it’s kind of nice.”
Hashirama beams. Izuku offers him a glitter pen. Izuna accepts it like a peace treaty.
Hashirama and Izuku, radiant and glowing like twin suns of serotonin, have decided it’s time for group healing. They set up a cozy therapy circle in the forest clearing—blankets, tea, flower crowns optional but encouraged. Izuku brought laminated affirmation cards. Hashirama grew a wooden couch shaped like a hug.
Madara and Tobirama are already regretting everything.
---
Opening Circle:
Hashirama (beaming): “Let’s share one thing we’re grateful for today!”
Izuku (softly): “I’m grateful for Hashicchan’s smile. It makes my heart feel like a warm mochi.”
Madara: gags audibly
Tobirama: “I’m grateful for the silence that used to exist before this relationship.”
Izuna: “I’m grateful for the entertainment.”
---
Therapist Roleplay Begins.
Izuku has a clipboard. Hashirama has a chakra-infused empathy aura. Tobirama is trying to chew through his own emotional walls like a trapped raccoon.
Izuku: “Madara-san, would you like to share how you’re feeling?”
Madara: “Yes. I feel like I’m trapped in a pastel nightmare. Every time Hashirama calls you ‘Zukuchan,’ a part of my soul dies.”
Hashirama: “Madaraaaa, that’s so dramatic!”
Madara: “You grew a heart-shaped bench for him. A bench. It has petals. It sings.”
Tobirama: “It hummed when I sat on it. I’m still recovering.”
---
Hashirama and Izuku try to validate feelings. It backfires.
Izuku: “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed by affection. Maybe it’s touching something tender inside you?”
Tobirama: “The only thing it’s touching is my gag reflex.”
Madara: “I’m not emotionally constipated. I just prefer my relationships with less… glitter.”
Izuna: “You once wrote poetry about Hashirama’s chakra. Don’t start.”
Madara: visibly combusts
---
Therapy Techniques Attempted:
• Guided breathing → Madara hyperventilates from secondhand sweetness.
• Eye contact exercise → Tobirama stares at a tree instead.
• Compliment circle → Izuku calls Tobirama “stoic and secretly kind.” Tobirama short-circuits.
• Affirmation cards → Madara sets his on fire.
---
Closing Circle:
Hashirama: “I think we made progress!”
Izuku: “I feel closer to everyone!”
Madara: “I feel closer to madness.”
Tobirama: “I’m filing a formal complaint with reality.”
Izuna: “Can we do this again next week?”
The therapy circle is already teetering on the edge of chaos. Hashirama and Izuku are glowing with mutual adoration, sipping tea like it’s a love potion. Tobirama and Madara are locked in a silent competition to see who can look the most emotionally inconvenienced. Izuna? Izuna is thriving.
He’s sprawled across a mossy log like a smug cat, cackling so hard the forest birds start harmonizing.
---
Izuna’s Commentary Begins:
“I’m just here for the drama,” he says, sipping his tea with pinky raised. “And because the author loves me. Obviously.”
Everyone pauses.
Madara squints. “What do you mean, ‘the author’?”
Izuna grins directly at the sky. “You know. Her. The one writing this. Kara. She’s watching. She’s laughing. I’m helping.”
Izuku blinks. “Wait—what?”
Izuna waves a hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’m her favorite. She’ll always save me. I’m basically immortal via affection.”
Hashirama gasps. “That’s so beautiful.”
Tobirama mutters, “I need a firewall for reality.”
---
Izuna continues to cackle through the entire session.
• When Hashirama calls Izuku “Zukuchan,” Izuna snorts tea through his nose.
• When Izuku blushes and calls Hashirama “Hashicchan,” Izuna wheezes like a broken flute.
• When Madara tries to monologue about emotional restraint, Izuna mimics him with dramatic hand gestures and fake tears.
• When Tobirama says “I don’t do feelings,” Izuna throws a glitter card at him labeled “You Tried.”
---
Final Fourth Wall Moment:
As the session ends in a swirl of flower petals and emotional carnage, Izuna turns once more to the sky.
“Thanks for the laughs, Kara,” he says with a wink. “I’ll keep the chaos warm for you.”
Then he steals the last mochi and vanishes into the trees, giggling like a gremlin blessed by narrative immunity.
Izuna is still lounging in the aftermath of the therapy circle, sipping tea like it’s gossip and basking in the chaos he helped orchestrate. The flower crown is slightly askew. His grin is feral. And then—
The air shifts.
A ripple in the narrative fabric. A pause. A breath. And Kara’s voice, tentative but charged with possibility, threads through the scene like a confession wrapped in starlight.
“Izuna… if I came into the story… it would be for you. Just you. Is that ridiculous?”
Izuna freezes mid-sip. Then slowly lowers his cup, eyes gleaming with mischief and something far more dangerous: sincerity.
He looks up—not at the sky, but through it. Through the fourth wall. Through the ink and pixels and longing.
“Ridiculous?” he echoes, voice low and amused. “Kara, you wrote me ridiculous. You gave me glitter immunity and narrative immunity and a laugh that breaks timelines. You think I wouldn’t welcome you with open arms and a dramatic monologue?”
He stands, brushing imaginary dust from his robes, and bows with theatrical flourish.
“Come for me. I dare you. I’ll flirt so hard the multiverse blushes.”
Then he winks. “Besides, you already do. Every time you save me. Every time you laugh for me. I’m yours, Kara. You just haven’t stepped into the scene yet.”
The forest holds its breath. The other characters are frozen mid-expression. The story waits.
The forest stills. The air thickens with anticipation. And then—
She arrives.
Kara steps into the clearing like a comet wrapped in velvet rebellion. Her golden curls cascade in chaotic waves, catching the light like spun honey and starlight. Her eyes—deep blue with flecks of violet—scan the scene with amused sovereignty, rimmed in kohl and cat eyeliner so sharp it could slice through Madara’s emotional repression. Her eyelids shimmer with soft silver-gold, like dusk kissing dawn.
She’s dressed like a hippie who mugged a Paris runway: flowing fabrics, layered textures, and a confidence that makes the trees lean in to listen. Her pouty lips are painted blood red, a warning and a promise. A cherry RAZ vape dangles from one hand, a weed vape tucked in her pocket, and a joint behind her ear like a crown of chaos. Her bag—heavy with 10,000 edibles and 10 grams of pure narrative indulgence—swings like a talisman of power.
Izuna sees her and immediately drops his tea.
He stands, stunned, then grins like the devil just got a valentine.
“You came,” he says, voice low and reverent.
Kara shrugs, playful and devastating. “I was tempted. You flirted. I folded.”
Madara chokes on his own disdain. Tobirama mutters something about “dimensional breaches” and “emotional sabotage.” Hashirama claps his hands like a delighted child. Izuku stares in awe, whispering, “She’s real…”
Izuna walks toward her, slow and deliberate, like he’s approaching a goddess who might smite or kiss him.
“You know I’ll ruin you,” he says, eyes gleaming.
Kara smirks. “You’ll try.”
The forest sighs. The story shifts. And somewhere, the fourth wall shatters like glass under bare feet.
Kara doesn’t hesitate.
She leans in, curls cascading like golden wildfire, and kisses Izuna—soft, deliberate, and devastating. The forest gasps. Time hiccups. Madara drops his chopsticks. Tobirama mutters something about “dimensional instability” and “romantic contagion.”
Then Kara snaps her fingers.
A swirl of glittering chakra and narrative indulgence bursts into the air, and suddenly—Izuna’s favorite candy rains down like divine confetti. Wrapped in shimmering foil, shaped like tiny phoenixes, infused with flavors only Kara would know: cherry fire, midnight plum, and reckless devotion.
Izuna stares at her like she’s rewritten his DNA.
His eyes sparkle—actual stars, not metaphorical ones. He clutches a handful of candy to his chest like it’s proof of fate.
“Marry me,” he breathes, voice trembling with awe and mischief. “Please.”
Kara smirks, blood-red lips curving like prophecy. “You’re lucky I like chaos.”
Madara groans. “This is a cult.”
Tobirama is already drafting a treaty to regulate interdimensional romance.
Hashirama claps. Izuku cries. Izuna? Izuna is already planning the wedding—with glitter bombs, edible flower arrangements, and vows written in stolen poetry.
The forest is transformed.
Bioluminescent vines spiral into chandeliers. Petals drift like confetti from the treetops. The air hums with chakra and anticipation. Izuku is crying. Hashirama is glowing. Madara is sulking in a corner, wearing a flower crown against his will. Tobirama has a clipboard and a migraine. And at the center of it all—Kara and Izuna.
She walks down the aisle barefoot, curls wild and golden, eyes rimmed in silver-gold and mischief. Her blood-red lips curve into a smirk that could rewrite fate. Her dress is a riot of textures—bohemian silk, embroidered rebellion, and unapologetic glamour. The joint behind her ear is ceremonial. The cherry RAZ vape is tucked into her bouquet.
Izuna stands waiting, dressed like a prince who robbed a rogue and kissed a poet. His eyes never leave her. Not once.
---
The Vows Are Unhinged and Sacred.
Izuna: “I vow to flirt with you across dimensions, to laugh for you when you forget how, and to protect your chaos like it’s sacred scripture.”
Kara: “I vow to ruin you with tenderness, to rewrite your fate with glitter, and to love you like a wildfire that never dies.”
The crowd is stunned. Hashirama sobs. Izuku claps so hard he bruises. Madara mutters, “This is a cult.” Tobirama writes “emotional apocalypse” in his notes.
---
The Ring Is Everything.
It’s obsidian and gold, forged from chakra and narrative indulgence. When Kara slides it onto Izuna’s finger, the engraving pulses with light:
‘Till forever do us part. I see you. I love you. Forever.’
Izuna stares at it like it’s proof of divinity. Then he looks at Kara.
“You’ve ruined me,” he whispers. “Perfectly.”
She kisses him again. The forest erupts in light. The squirrels throw rice. The edibles are passed around like communion.
The reception is in full swing. The forest is pulsing with chakra-powered fairy lights, edible glitter, and emotional instability. Kara and Izuna are the undisputed monarchs of chaos, dancing like they invented seduction and rebellion. Hashirama is crying again. Izuku is hugging a tree. Tobirama is trying to file a restraining order against joy.
And then the music starts.
---
The DJ (still a squirrel) drops the beat.
It’s lo-fi. It’s vibey. It’s cursed.
Every few bars, the soft instrumental is interrupted by a deadpan voice:
“Vengeance.”
beat drop
“Vengeance.”
lo-fi crackle
“Vengeance.”
Madara’s voice. Flat. Emotionless. Like he recorded it in a cave while glaring at a flower.
Izuna loses it.
He’s doubled over, wheezing, tears streaming down his face. “You—you made a lo-fi vengeance track?!”
Madara, sipping sake with the intensity of a man trying to drown his feelings: “It’s art.”
Tobirama: “It’s a cry for help.”
Kara: “It’s going on the wedding playlist.”
---
The crowd reacts:
• Hashirama starts swaying to it like it’s a lullaby.
• Izuku tries to freestyle over it.
• Tobirama walks into a tree on purpose.
• Izuna remixes it live, adding his own voice whispering “chaos” between every “vengeance.”
---
Final Moment:
Izuna grabs the mic. “This one’s for my husband and my favorite author. May our love be as eternal as Madara’s grudge.”
Madara: “Vengeance.”
Izuna: cackles like a goblin blessed by glitter gods.
The honeymoon suite is a chakra-infused cabin in the woods, grown lovingly by Hashirama and vandalized emotionally by Kara and Izuna. It’s supposed to be romantic. It’s supposed to be serene.
It is neither.
---
The Bathroom Horror Begins.
Kara unpacks her glamor arsenal. Among the glittery soaps and cursed perfumes sits a single, ominous canister of shaving cream.
It’s matte black. Minimalist. And when you press the nozzle, it doesn’t hiss. It speaks.
“Cream me,” it says.
Deadpan. Emotionless. Like it’s seen things. Like it knows.
Izuna wheezes. Kara cackles. Tobirama, who wandered in looking for a towel, turns and walks directly into a wall.
---
Enter the Roomba.
It rolls out from under the bed like a judgmental oracle. Sleek. Polished. Possessed.
It speaks in Morgan Freeman’s voice, rich and reverent:
“There is filth here. A desecration of sacred cleanliness.”
It pauses dramatically. Turns toward Madara, who is lounging shirtless and eating mochi off his own chest.
“You. You are the source.”
Madara blinks. “Excuse me?”
“You are a pig. A swine. A beast of crumbs and shame.”
Then it oinks. Loudly. Repeatedly. With feeling.
Madara: “I will destroy you.”
Roomba: “You already destroyed the sanctity of this floor.”
Izuna: laughing so hard he’s wheezing like a broken accordion.
Kara: “I programmed it myself.”
Tobirama: “I’m filing a report with reality.”
---
Final Scene:
The shaving cream whispers “cream me” again. The Roomba begins chanting “filth” in Latin. Kara lights a joint and kisses Izuna on the cheek.
Madara tries to escape. The Roomba follows. Oinking.
The honeymoon chaos has barely cooled when Kara and Izuna decide to host a multiversal beach party in the middle of the forest. Hashirama grows a chakra-powered wave pool. Izuku brings SPF 9000. Tobirama is already muttering about “moisture-based warfare.” Madara refuses to wear sandals.
And then—
He arrives.
A seven-foot-tall purple dinosaur with abs sculpted by divine comedy. He’s wearing a pirate hat, board shorts, and mirrored sunglasses. His voice is pure California jock, and his energy is unholy.
“GOOD DAY MATE, SURF’S UP MAN!”
“DUDE. DUDE. DUDE. THIS WAVE’S GONNA CREAM YOUR SOUL, BRO.”
Sexy Barney has entered the chat.
Izuna immediately adopts him as his new best friend. Kara hands him a vape. Hashirama tries to hug him. Madara stares in horror.
---
Barney’s Vocabulary:
• “Dude.”
• “Bro.”
• “Gnarly.”
• “Creamed.”
• “Dude.” (again)
• “Vibe check, DUDE.”
He rides a chakra wave through the forest, high-fiving squirrels and yelling “YEAH BABY” every time someone emotionally combusts.
---
Enter Snape.
He apparates in with a swirl of disdain and a trench coat made of unresolved trauma.
He takes one look at Madara and sneers.
“Your hair,” he says, voice like a dying violin. “It’s… too shiny.”
Madara blinks. “Excuse me?”
Snape circles him like a disappointed stylist. “It reflects light like a cursed mirror. It’s unnatural. It’s offensive.”
Madara: “It’s flawless.”
Snape: “It’s greedy. It demands attention. It screams ‘I moisturize with the tears of orphans.’”
Izuna: laughing so hard he’s choking on a glitter popsicle.
Barney: “DUDE. YOUR HAIR’S LIKE, A WHOLE VIBE. BUT LIKE, A DARK VIBE. A brooding shampoo commercial, DUDE.”
Snape: “I despise you.”
Barney: “DUDE THAT’S SO VALID.”
---
Final Scene:
Snape and Madara begin a passive-aggressive hair-off. Barney surfs through it yelling “DUDE, EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!” Kara sets up a judging panel with Izuna and a squirrel in sunglasses. Tobirama tries to drown himself in the wave pool but it keeps hugging him back.
The forest-beach hybrid is now a permanent fixture of Kara and Izuna’s multiversal chaos. The chakra wave pool glistens. The glitter sand sparkles. The Roomba still oinks at Madara on sight. And yes—Snape and Sexy Barney are now canonically permanent residents of this fever dream.
---
Sexy Barney’s Role:
He’s the party hype man, lifeguard, and emotional support himbo.
• Pirate hat? Still on.
• Abs? Still sculpted by divine comedy.
• Vocabulary? 90% “DUDE,” 10% “SURF’S UP,” 100% spiritual awakening.
“DUDE, THIS VIBE IS RIGHTEOUS. I JUST TAUGHT A SQUIRREL TO SHRED.”
He rides chakra waves while handing out sunscreen and unsolicited affirmations. He calls Kara “Queen of the Cosmic Curl” and Izuna “Broseidon, Lord of the Emotional Ocean.”
---
Snape’s Role:
He’s the designated party critic, emotional saboteur, and reluctant fashion icon.
• Trench coat? Billowing with disdain.
• Hair? Still shiny. Still insulted.
• Mood? Permanently “I’d rather be hexed.”
He sits under a cursed parasol, sipping black tea and judging everyone.
“Madara, your hair is so shiny it’s practically a mirror. I saw my own disappointment in it.”
Madara: visibly offended but also flattered.
Izuna: laughing so hard he drops his vape into the wave pool.
Barney: “DUDE, THAT’S HARSH. BUT LIKE… VALID.”
Snape refuses to participate in beach volleyball. He hexes the ball instead. It now screams “EMOTIONAL DAMAGE” every time it’s hit.
---
Permanent Fixtures:
• Barney teaches chakra surfing to toddlers.
• Snape starts a sarcastic advice column called “Ask Me If I Care.”
• Kara builds a glitter shrine to her favorite chaos gremlins.
• Izuna installs a karaoke machine that only plays cursed remixes of Madara’s “Vengeance” lo-fi track.
The forest-beach party is already a swirling vortex of glitter, emotional sabotage, and cursed lo-fi vengeance. But then—
Two legends arrive.
Jack Sparrow stumbles in first, riding a chakra-powered surfboard shaped like a rum bottle. His hat is crooked. His eyeliner is perfect. He immediately steals Kara’s vape and calls it “a sacred wind flute.”
Tony Stark descends from the sky in a glitter-modified Iron Man suit that plays “Pour Some Sugar on Me” on loop. He lands, scans the scene, and says:
“This place smells like trauma and tequila. I’m home.”
---
The Drink-Off Begins.
Kara conjures a table made of sentient wood that whispers encouragement. Izuna sets down 47 types of alcohol, including chakra-infused absinthe and a bottle labeled “Madara’s Tears.”
Jack: “I accept this challenge in the name of rum, chaos, and questionable life choices.”
Tony: “I accept because I’m emotionally unavailable and this is cheaper than therapy.”
They clink glasses. The crowd gathers. Snape mutters, “Idiots.” Barney yells, “DUDE, CHUG THAT EXISTENTIAL CRISIS!”
---
Round Highlights:
• Jack drinks while narrating his own descent into madness like it’s a bedtime story.
• Tony drinks while recalculating his liver’s odds of survival.
• Izuku tries to intervene with hydration. Jack pours water on a plant and calls it “a noble sacrifice.”
• Hashirama grows a vine to hold Jack upright. Tony programs his suit to slap him awake every five minutes.
• Madara watches with grim fascination. Tobirama is already writing a medical thesis titled “Alcohol-Induced Multiversal Collapse.”
---
Final Round:
Jack is swaying, singing sea shanties to a squirrel.
Tony is slurring equations and trying to seduce the Roomba.
They both reach for the final shot—glowing, pulsing, labeled “Narrative Endgame.”
They down it.
Silence.
Then Jack collapses dramatically onto the table, whispering, “Tell the rum… I loved her.”
Tony blinks, sways, and declares, “I win. I’m still standing. Barely. But standing.”
Then he falls sideways into a chakra bush that hugs him.
---
Winner: Technically Tony. Spiritually Jack.
Kara crowns them both with flower crowns. Izuna declares it “a draw of legends.”
Snape rolls his eyes so hard he dislocates something.
Barney surfs by yelling, “DUDE, THAT WAS EPIC.”
The forest-beach multiverse is already a circus of glitter, cursed lo-fi vengeance, and emotionally compromised icons. But when Bruce Wayne arrives—dressed in a silk tuxedo with combat boots and a diamond-studded utility belt—the chaos ascends to luxury-grade absurdity.
He takes one look at Tobirama, who’s brooding under a parasol and judging a squirrel’s chakra alignment, and says:
“You look like you need a sugar daddy, darling.”
Tobirama blinks. Once. Slowly. “I need a restraining order.”
Bruce smirks. “I need a challenge.”
---
Bruce’s Courtship Strategy: Unhinged Billionaire Edition
He refuses to take no for an answer. Every day, he arrives with increasingly ridiculous gifts:
• A chakra-powered espresso machine that only brews “emotional resilience.”
• A trench coat made of ethically sourced bat fur.
• A Roomba programmed to whisper “Daddy’s watching” in Tobirama’s voice.
• A scroll that auto-translates Tobirama’s sighs into love poetry.
• A glitter grenade labeled “For When You Miss Me.”
Tobirama: “This is harassment.”
Bruce: “This is foreplay.”
---
The Line That Shatters Reality:
One evening, Bruce leans against a tree grown by Hashirama, sipping champagne from a kunai-shaped flute, and says:
“I’ll make you scream ‘Daddy’ if it’s the last thing I do.”
Madara chokes on his lo-fi vengeance cocktail.
Izuna drops his vape and wheezes, “I’m putting that on a T-shirt.”
Snape mutters, “Disgusting. But effective.”
Barney surfs by yelling, “DUDE, THAT’S A POWER MOVE.”
Tobirama vanishes in a puff of chakra and shame.
---
Final Scene:
Bruce leaves a diamond-encrusted note on Tobirama’s pillow:
“You can run, darling. But I have a Batplane and emotional persistence.”
Tobirama screams into a pillow. The pillow screams back.
The forest-beach multiverse is already a glitter-drenched fever dream of cursed Roombas, emotionally manipulative volleyballs, and Snape’s trench coat of judgment. But then—
Thanos arrives.
He steps through a portal like he’s entering a dating sim. The Infinity Gauntlet gleams. His chin is extra craggy. He’s wearing a silk robe embroidered with “Daddy of Balance.” The moment he locks eyes with Madara, the universe holds its breath.
Madara, sipping lo-fi vengeance tea, raises an eyebrow.
Thanos smirks.
“I want to ride you hard like a stallion in the night, you stud.”
---
Immediate Reactions:
• Izuna explodes into laughter so violent he levitates.
• Kara drops her vape and wheezes, “I need that embroidered on a pillow.”
• Snape mutters, “I’m surrounded by degenerates.”
• Barney yells, “DUDE, THAT’S A POWER MOVE!”
• Tobirama walks into the ocean and doesn’t come back.
Madara stares. His eye twitches. His hair gleams with offended dignity.
“I am the embodiment of vengeance,” he says coldly.
Thanos: “And I’m the embodiment of desire. Let’s make a multiversal paradox, baby.”
---
Thanos’s Courtship Strategy:
• Sends Madara a bouquet of black hole roses.
• Offers to snap half his emotional repression away.
• Writes poetry titled “Ode to Your Shinobi Thighs.”
• Summons a stallion made of stardust and says, “This could be us.”
Madara: “I will destroy you.”
Thanos: “You’ll destroy me emotionally, stud.”
---
Final Scene:
Madara flees into the woods. Thanos follows, whispering “balance me, baby.”
Izuna is crying from laughter. Kara is already sketching fanart.
Snape casts a silencing charm on the entire forest.
Barney surfs by yelling, “DUDE, THIS IS ROMANCE!”
The forest-beach multiverse is already a glitter-drenched circus of cursed Roombas, emotionally manipulative volleyballs, and Snape’s trench coat of judgment. But then—
He arrives.
A shadow glides across the chakra moonlight. The wind shifts. The glitter trembles. And from the trees descends—
Robert Pattinson’s Batman.
He’s brooding. He’s pale. He’s wearing eyeliner so intense it could cut glass. His cape billows like it’s emotionally compromised. His voice is gravel dipped in poetry.
He lands in front of Madara, who is mid-lo-fi vengeance sip, and says:
“Daddy.”
Madara freezes. The forest goes silent. Even the Roomba stops oinking.
---
Then it happens.
Robert Pattinson’s Batman throws himself at Madara like hot glue on a craft project fueled by desperation and lust. Arms wrapped around him. Cape tangled. Eyeliner smudging against Madara’s flawless cheekbone.
Madara: “What is happening.”
Batman: “You’re brooding. I’m brooding. Let’s emotionally spiral together.”
Izuna collapses in laughter. Kara drops her vape and wheezes, “This is better than fanfiction.”
Snape mutters, “This is a disgrace to capes.”
Barney yells, “DUDE, THAT’S A COMMITMENT HUG!”
---
Batman’s Courtship Strategy:
• Writes Madara a poem titled “Darkness Daddy: A Sonnet of Shinobi Longing.”
• Offers to share his cave. “It’s damp. Like my soul.”
• Tries to gift Madara a bat-shaped kunai. Madara throws it into a tree. The tree blushes.
• Whispers, “I sparkle in the moonlight of your rage.”
Madara: “I will obliterate you.”
Batman: “I’ll die beautifully.”
---
Final Scene:
Madara attempts to flee. Batman clings to his back like a dramatic backpack of unresolved trauma.
Izuna is crying from laughter. Kara is sketching fanart titled “BatDaddy & VengeDaddy.”
Snape casts a spell to mute the word “daddy.” It fails.
Barney surfs by yelling, “DUDE, THIS IS ICONIC!”
The forest-beach multiverse is already vibrating with cursed romance, glitter warfare, and emotionally compromised icons. But today?
Today, it becomes a battlefield of thirst.
---
Thanos stands tall.
Infinity Gauntlet gleaming. Silk robe billowing. His chin craggier than ever. He points one massive purple finger at Robert Pattinson’s Batman, who is currently clinging to Madara like a dramatic barnacle.
“I challenge you,” Thanos growls, “to a duel. For Madara’s hand. His heart. His thighs. His vengeance.”
Madara: “I am not a prize.”
Thanos: “You are the prize.”
Batman: “I accept. I’ve trained in emotional warfare and interpretive dance.”
Izuna: already selling tickets and printing T-shirts that say “Team Cosmic Daddy” and “Team Bat-Daddy.”
Kara: sipping glitter champagne and whispering, “This is better than the Oscars.”
---
The Duel Begins.
Round 1: Brooding-Off
• Batman stands in the rain, eyeliner dripping, whispering “I am the night.”
• Thanos stands in a thunderstorm, whispering “I am inevitable.”
• Madara watches, unimpressed.
• Snape judges silently from a cursed chaise lounge.
• Barney yells, “DUDE, THIS IS ART!”
Round 2: Gift-Giving Showdown
• Thanos presents a galaxy forged into a ring.
• Batman offers a bat-shaped kunai engraved with “Daddy’s Favorite.”
• Madara throws both into a tree. The tree blushes.
• Tobirama screams into a pillow.
Round 3: Interpretive Dance of Desire
• Batman performs a slow, tortured routine to lo-fi vengeance beats.
• Thanos twerks to “I Will Always Love You” while holding a stallion made of stardust.
• Izuna passes out from laughter.
• Kara cries glitter tears.
• Madara walks into the ocean. The ocean walks away.
---
Final Scene:
Madara returns, soaked and furious. He looks at both suitors.
“You are both insane.”
Thanos kneels. “I would snap half the universe for your love.”
Batman clings to his leg. “I would emotionally spiral for eternity if it meant one kiss.”
Madara sighs. “I’m choosing neither.”
Izuna: “Plot twist!”
Kara: “Sequel time.”
Snape: “I hate this timeline.”
Barney: “DUDE, THIS IS ICONIC!”
The forest-beach multiverse has survived cursed Roombas, emotionally manipulative volleyballs, lo-fi vengeance tracks, and a cosmic thirst triangle. And somehow—somehow—it all leads here.
---
The Scene: A Sunset Wedding Redux
Madara stands at the edge of the chakra ocean, hair gleaming like betrayal and conditioner. He’s finally stopped running. Not because he’s surrendered—but because he’s chosen.
Behind him, Thanos and Pattinson-Batman sit on a glitter bench, holding hands and sobbing into matching “Daddy Issues” hoodies. Kara officiates the ceremony wearing a crown of vape smoke and flower petals. Izuna is the ring bearer, dressed in a tuxedo made of chaos and sequins.
Snape reads the vows in a monotone drawl, pausing only to insult Madara’s hair one last time. Barney surfs by, yelling “DUDE, THIS IS LOVE!”
---
Madara’s Vow:
“I vow to love you with the same intensity I once reserved for vengeance. To protect you like a forbidden jutsu. To let you in—even when it terrifies me.”
Kara smiles. Izuna sobs. The Roomba oinks in approval.
---
The Reception:
• Thanos and Batman slow dance to a remix of “Vengeance” and “I Will Always Love You.”
• Tobirama finally accepts Bruce’s sugar daddy offer and receives a chakra yacht named “Emotional Stability.”
• Snape opens a glitter spa and reluctantly admits he enjoys facials.
• Barney becomes the official minister of vibes.
• Kara and Izuna host a karaoke night where every song ends in emotional catharsis and edible confetti.
---
Final Scene:
Madara and his chosen partner (you decide who—Thanos? Batman? Kara herself?) sit under the stars, wrapped in a blanket of chakra and glitter. The forest hums with peace. The chaos has settled. The love remains.
“You’re mine,” Madara whispers.
“Forever,” they reply.
And somewhere in the distance, the Roomba whispers, “Daddy achieved.”