Chapter Text
“Competition.”
It replayed in Buck’s head over and over again, where even baking couldn’t take away the edge. Tommy considered Eddie competition. Which was ridiculous for a whole myriad of reasons, the least being that Eddie’s straight and for it to be a competition, there had to be a threat. And he would have noticed if his best friend was competing for his affections, because admittedly, it wouldn’t be much of a competition.
Buck wasn’t an idiot. He knew he held Eddie in a different regard, knew that the man had driven away with his heart when he left for El Paso. But he knew that aimlessly pining after him was going to hurt a lot more than trying to move on.
Maybe trying to move on with Tommy again wasn’t the best strategy, and was entirely unplanned, but at least it was a step in the right direction.
He wasn’t expecting to hear from Eddie, knowing that he had driven later into the night than normal and would be sleeping it off, so he was surprised by the FaceTime chime going off. Still, he wiped his hands on his apron before answering, propping the phone against the KitchenAid.
“Hey Eds,” he greeted, going back to kneading dough. “What’s up?”
“Are you baking?” Eddie asked, an eyebrow raised and mouth quirked.
“Maybe.” He answered sheepishly, trying to hide a grin in his shoulder as he put the ball of dough in a bowl. He covered it with a towel so that it could proof. “I’m making cinnamon buns.”
Eddie groaned, throwing his head back dramatically. “With the maple cream cheese frosting?”
“Yep.” He popped the ‘p’ obnoxiously, washing his hands and wiping the flour from the counter. “So what’s up? I wasn’t expecting to hear from you this morning.”
“It’s like two in the afternoon, Buck. I wanted to catch you before you went in tonight.” Which Buck had forgotten about, he had been so pre-occupied. “I just feel like I’m going crazy out here. Like I came out here to be closer to Chris, but it feels like I’m doing more damage than anything.”
It was a reoccurring conversation between them. After Eddie hadn’t gotten the El Paso Fire job, taken up being an Uber driver, feeling less than, he had called Buck and complained that he was a failure and letting his kid down again. Then with the repairs to the house. Arguments with his parents over what was best for Christopher.
And each time, Buck was there on the other end of the line for him.
“You are doing good, Eddie. You’ve uprooted your life to go after Chris, and he’ll see that. You’re trying, and it’s not going unnoticed.” It wasn’t empty words; he wouldn’t betray Chris’s trust but he had to let Eddie know that it was seen. “So keep showing up for him, and everything will be okay.”
“You seem so sure.” Eddie was squinting at him, suspicious.
Buck busied himself with moving the cookies off the cooling racks and into Tupperware containers, so that he wouldn’t crack under that gaze. The problem with being partners and best friends for seven years was that they had learned to read each other well enough that they knew when the other was lying or hiding something. And Buck wasn’t a good liar to begin with.
“Buck, you’d tell me if you knew something, right?”
“As long as it didn’t betray Chris, then yeah.” He admitted, putting the lids onto the containers and stacking them. “You know I care about him too.”
“I do.” It was said softly, reverently, and made Buck’s heart miss a beat. “So why exactly are you baking, anyway? You only do that when you’re stressed or in your head about something.”
“I haven’t baked since the cookies I gave you-“ Which should have been an indication of something, really. “-and I just needed something to make the noise in my head go away.”
“You know you can talk to me about anything, you know that right?”
‘Not this,’ he thought, but still smiled at the screen. “Yeah, I know.”
-
The shift started off slow, a couple of accidents with no major injuries.
But by hour six, it was him and Bobby playing Gin in the loft, Hen watching Chim and Ravi trying to cheat their ways to victory in Super Smash Bros. He was still stuck in his head about the whole Tommy thing, distracted from the game at hand, and needed outside perspective.
“Was Eddie ever competing for my affection?” He asked Bobby quietly with absolutely zero build up. How would you even lead into that, Buck wondered as he drew another card.
Bobby seemed unfazed, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards. “Kid, I don’t think he competed for anything when it came to you.”
“Thank you.” Buck stated, a bit too loud and having three sets of heads turning his way. “I tried telling Tommy that, but he just scoffed at me.”
“Tommy?” Chim asked, abandoning his character on-screen.
Ravi paused the game. “Yeah, we ran into him at the bar. I didn’t realize you went home with him.”
All eyebrows went up around him, Chim and Hen moving over to the table. “Evan Buckley, did you sleep with Tommy again? After everything you went through to not do just that?”
“Fine, yes. But I was missing Eddie and it wasn’t intentional, he was just there and Ravi practically threw him in my direction.” Buck admitted, gesticulating wildly and rambling onwards. “But then this morning, he called Eddie competition, which just seems wrong? Like I would have noticed if my best friend was competing for my affection, right, and besides, he’s straight and not in love with me.”
Bobby, Hen and Chimney shared a look that Buck recognized: the one they used when he was wrong or being an idiot. “Hey guys, no. No, no, I’m- I can’t be wrong in this.”
“I say this with nothing but love, but you’re too close to see the big picture so it’s making you into an idiot.” Hen said gently, looking directly at him. “Eddie never had to compete for your affection because you’ve been giving it freely to him for years. Just like you never had to compete for his, whether that was a conscious decision on either of your parts.”
Bobby chimed in. “She’s right. The most committed relationship either of you have been in in the last five years is with each other.”
“You bought a basketball and took me to a pick-up game because you wanted his attention.” Chim pointed out.
“N-no, that was…” Buck trailed off, the argument dying on his lips. He had said it was to get Tommy’s attention, but looking back, he realized it was never true. The reason he had had issue admitting that he was on a date to Eddie at the time wasn’t about being perceived, it was because it wasn’t with the right person. “Shit.”
Because he knew he loved Eddie, but being in love was entirely different.
The alarm going off had everyone snapping out of it, and everyone started to move, Buck admittedly a few beats behind. Enough that Bobby put his hand on his shoulder and told him he was going to be man behind.
For once, that didn’t bother him as much as it usually would.
-
Buck
Got time for a call?
Eddie
Can’t sorry
Got a fare
Buck
No worries
Drive sae
Safe*
-
By the time the crew came back- a three car accident, no fatalities, no major injuries- Buck had cleaned the windows and the bathroom, and had a plan in place. They were one-third of the way through their shift, then had 12 off, before on again for a 48; he had some PTO saved up and had his request written up to use enough for a week or two off.
To drive it in a straight shot was almost 12 hours, and he knew he’d have to stop a few times. But it was cheaper than flying, especially if he had to turn around because everyone was wrong.
“Are you going to be able to make it through the rest of the shift?” Bobby asked, the two of them alone in his office. “You seem distracted as it is, is all.”
Buck sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. “I’m wondering if I’m making the right choice.”
“If it will lead to something that will potentially make you happy, especially when love is involved, it can’t be wrong.”
“But what if I’m projecting?”
Bobby folded his hands onto the desk, leaning forwards on his forearms. “You aren’t, Buck. All of us have eyes, have seen the way you two are around each other. It’s more than the co-dependency that we tease you about, and has been a long time coming.”
“Thanks, Bobby.”
“Great. Your PTO is effective immediately; go home and get some sleep. Let me know when you’re on the road.”
It sounded a lot like when he texted Eddie to drive safe; the implied love and care woven into the words.
“I will.”
-
Buck’s internal monologue yo-yo’d the entire 800 miles from South Bedford Street to El Paso.
It started out upbeat, imagining the look on Eddie’s face when he pulled up.
By the city limits, he was wondering if he was making the right decision, showing up unannounced. Eddie had a life in El Paso; what if he had taken the night off and was out on a date?
Another 50 miles later, he was planning what he’d say to Eddie, spilling his heart to the man and imagining what it’d be like to kiss him. The warmth and familiarity, while being entirely new and exciting.
After a 100 miles, he worried that the door would get slammed in his face, or worse: a complete rejection and their friendship up in flames, irreparable and the best thing in his life ripped from him.
200 miles and a stretch break, he knew that their friendship was solid enough that it could survive anything. Even if Eddie wasn’t in love with him, he did at least love him in the platonic sense. He’d be happy to see Buck; maybe let him help work on the house, get it in shape for Christopher to be safe in it.
By 275 miles, he worried about Chris. That was another important person in his life. What if he didn’t approve of his dad being in love with Buck? Eddie’s words- “If I have to choose between you and Chris…” – came floating back, and he would never blame Eddie for making that choice; he’d want him to choose Chris every time.
Mile 407, he realized he was closer to El Paso and Eddie than he was home, that there was no turning back now. That for better or worse, he had committed to doing this.
He continued worrying about each and every possible scenario until he hit the outskirts of El Paso, dusk falling, before he just had to trust in the universe, his own heart, and the sureness of their friendship. Eddie might not have believed in signs and things like fate, but Buck believed that everything had a reason.
And right now, Eddie was his reason.
-
And like the universe was laughing at him, Eddie wasn’t home when Buck pulled up.
He knew he could probably message Chris, see if he was up for going to the movies, but he really wanted Eddie to be the first Diaz to learn that he was in El Paso.
(Buck had already let Bobby know that he arrived safely.)
So he sat on the front step, forearms resting against his knees, and waited.
-
He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep, but the headlights turning into the driveway woke him up. A look at the phone showed that it was 1am, almost five hours after he arrived. Buck stood, tucking his phone into his pants, his stomach a mess of nerves all over again.
Because walking up to the house was Eddie, looking equal parts confused and surprised.
“Buck, what’re you doing here?”
He shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. “I came to surprise you.”
Eddie pulled him into a warm hug, which Buck happily reciprocated, tucking his face into his friend’s neck, murmuring “Missed you.”
“How long have you been here?” Eddie asked, finally pulling away and heading towards the front door. “You should have texted.”
“Around 8, I guess. And I didn’t want to interrupt anything.”
Eddie sighed, getting the door unlocked. “Buck, you’ve been out here long enough to fall asleep on my front steps. You could have called. I’d have come home earlier.”
And he knew he could have, but he hadn’t been sure if Eddie was working or on a date, and hadn’t want to be a nuisance either way. Voicing any of that right now though felt too vulnerable; while he wanted to talk to Eddie, he was exhausted since he never really did sleep when Cap sent him home. And he was sure Eddie was equally tired.
“Didn’t want to bother you.” He admitted with a shrug.
Eddie scoffed, smiling. “You’re never bothering me, Buck. You know you can always call or text.”
And that was a confession in itself, Buck thought, the feeling making him feel warm. “Thanks, man. I’ll keep that in mind.”
-
Buck ended up on the couch that night, out almost before his head hit the pillow. It was so similar to movie nights in Los Angeles with the three of them, where he had stayed too late and after too many beers was in no shape to drive himself home.
It was familiar.
Warm.
Safe.
He woke up in the morning to sunlight drifting through the window, early enough that Eddie would probably still sleep for another couple of hours. Buck was a little surprised that he was awake himself, but felt far more rested than he had since… well, it had been a while. He’d claim that the couch was magical, but he knew it was proximity.
“I promise we’ll talk after some sleep.”
The words came back to him as he sat up, ready to try find the bathroom, and he sighed. Not that he wanted to avoid the topic forever, and he almost wished that he had said something last night. Something about the romance of late night love confessions. But he had also daydreamed about arriving here at the house, Eddie opening the door in surprise, and Buck greeting him with a passionate kiss.
Padding to the bathroom, he wondered how that would have been received. Imagined Eddie pulling back in surprise before he reeled Buck back in, kissing him solidly, deeply, meaningful. Because he couldn’t let himself imagine anything but a positive reaction.
His resolve to tell Eddie strengthened, knowing that no matter what, they were going to be okay.
-
The bacon was in the oven, keeping warm, when Eddie stumbled his way into the kitchen, still bleary-eyed and with bedhead that Buck found endearing. The urge to smooth down the hair was too close to the surface, so he busied his hands with doctoring up a cup of coffee for Eddie.
“I thought I dreamt you,” admitted Eddie, taking the offered cup. He smiled after taking a sip of the still hot liquid. “Not convinced I’m still not dreaming.”
Buck laughed, shaking his head and getting the eggs ready to cook. “I guess that means you slept well.”
“Eventually.” Eddie leaned against the counter, cradling the mug in both hands as he watched him work. “Took a bit after you said that we need to talk.”
“No, I said we would talk. Completely different.” Eddie hmmed at him, so he kept explaining. “If we needed to talk, you’re right, that sounds bad. Nothing good usually comes from we need to talk, but I said we would talk, which implies that whatever I had to say could wait until we got some sleep.”
“Oh yeah, I totally see the difference.” Eddie mocked, smiling into his coffee.
Buck aimed a spatula at him. “You’re being difficult on purpose.”
“Me? Never.”
It made Buck laugh as he worked at scrambling the eggs, watching as they became fluffy and cooked. He missed this easy morning banter with his best friend; it felt domestic and he could easily imagine Chris making faces behind them or laughing like he used to in L.A..
“Eds?”
Another hmm.
“It’s good to see you.”
Eddie smiled wider at him, his cheeks colouring slightly. “It’s good to see you too, Buck.”
The eggs finished cooking, and Eddie took down two plates while Buck took the bacon from the oven. The food was divvied up between the plates, before they took them to the table and sat down to eat, Buck with a new cup of coffee that Eddie made him. They ate in companionable silence for a few minutes, eyes occasionally catching, Buck feeling his cheeks heat every time he looked away.
Finally, he placed his fork down on the half finished plate, needing to say something.
“You know I miss you, right?” He started, watching Eddie nod. “And I felt so weird staying in the house. Like, it never felt like mine or home or whatever. And it’s like… I think it’s because you took something important when you left, and I forgot to give you something too.”
Eddie’s brows furrowed. “But you gave me the protein cookies before I went. What else did you want to give me?”
“Close your eyes?” Sure enough, he did. Slowly, Buck moved from his spot at the table to crouch beside Eddie, just looking at him for a moment. “Do you trust me?”
“Buck…” It was said quietly, on an exhale, and he was taking that as a yes before he carefully pressed his lips to Eddie’s, kissing him softly, waiting for him to respond one way or another.