Chapter Text
“Life is miserable.
Humanity was a blight brought about by Satan or God themself just to spite me!”
Robotnik stalked through the halls of GUN. That last meeting had gone terribly, and it felt like everyone was against him. Just because he had only asked for a higher budget so he could make better weaponry for them and their stupid military who didn't even know how to use his precious creations.
“Imbeciles! They are all imbeciles who are unworthy of my time and attention! I need off this miserable hunk of rock sooner rather than later.”
Robotnik slammed open the doors to his lab and stalked over to the control desk. He thought for a moment before he slammed his hand down on the control panel’s big red button.
“-can’t just blow up a country, Dr. Robotnik!” Walters continued his shouting. “I am placing you on six months leave. No lab access! I am temporarily revoking your GUN lab access, even! This is not house arrest but what you have done is an act of war! It is insane! You can’t just do something like that!”
Robotnik huffed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest, “You are so boring. It was small anyway. Who caaareees!”
“Robotnik, I am begging you to take this seriously! I can’t trust you to behave or respect these protocols, so I am assigning you an agent to make sure you obey the rules,” Walters snapped.
That caught Robotnik’s attention, “A babysitter. YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A GOD DAMN BABYSITTER?”
A man that had gone unnoticed in the room until now spoke, “If you want to think of me as a babysitter, that’s fine, sir. Maybe it would be easier for you to adjust to the new living arrangement?”
“I wouldn't know. I have never had a babysitter before. Because I had no parents. Because they D. I. E. D.”
“Stone, I’m sorry he is like this-“ Walters began, but Stone had already cut him off.
“Oh! I’m an orphan too, sir,” the agent exclaimed over Walters as he extended his hand. “Agent Aban Stone. Your new ‘babysitter’,” he made air quotes with his hands once it was clear Robotnik was not going to shake.
“So you're just going to live in my house for six months and make sure I don’t nuke the world?” Robotnik slid down in his chair looking more and more like an angry toddler in Stone’s opinion.
“Essentially,” the agent said. He left out the part where he was going to also take care of the doctor to make sure his mental health thrived over the six months. It was important to foster a healthy work/life balance to prevent any chance of repeat burn out
“Great,” sneered Robotnik.
Robotnik stood on his front lawn and looked up at his sleek white condo. It was legally his house but had never felt like home. Nowhere he had ever lived had felt like home, not in the way his lab had. A cold, heavy feeling settled over him as he trudged up the steps to his front porch. He stood by the door and watched Stone slide his small rolly suitcase out of the trunk of the car.
He felt that feeling get worse as he closed his eyes and waited for Stone to reach the porch.
“Are you alright, sir?” the agent asked softly.
Robotnik could tell his hand was hovering by his arm as if he wanted to grab it but was debating whether or not to. The doctor opened his eyes and glared down at the agent.
“ ‘Course I am!” He snapped, “Now listen carefully this door only opens with my finger prints and retinal scan. If you lock yourself out, I will not let you back in.”
Stone nodded, “Understood. Hopefully that never occurs because I am supposed to keep you an eye on you. Which means you are supposed to be in my range of sight at almost all times.”
Robotnik blanched, “Seriously?”
“I think that is incredibly controlling, so I don’t mind if check-ins are every half hour except for when you are sleeping, for obvious reasons. I don't think constant supervision would be great for the healing process. Burn out sucks, I know from experience.”
“Oh, what did you do, shoot someone you weren’t supposed to?” Robotnik mocked, allowing Stone to enter his house.
“No, I ripped a man apart with my bare hands because I was too busy thinking about the paperwork I was going to have to fill out when I got back from the mission,” Stone huffed as he dropped his suitcase in the impeccably clean foyer, “But that was a long time ago. Now, where should I put my stuff?”
Robotnik hummed, dropping himself into a pile of lanky limbs on the couch and snapping, “Find everything yourself.”
Stone hesitated, "You don’t mind if I poke around your house until I find the guest bedroom and bathroom?”
“No. You have to live here for half a year, don't you? I don’t care what you do. I’m not moving from this spot for anything.”
Stone sighed, “You have to at some point.”
Robotnik just looked away and stared out the floor to ceiling window. It overlooked a nice balcony where a seagull was hopping around looking for food. He stared beyond that at the Atlantic Ocean.
Stone sighed again and carried his luggage off to find the spare bedroom. In the end, he discovered it was across from Robotnik’s room, which he had also accidentally peaked into on his mission to find his place to sleep. Robotnik’s room could be identified because it was painted black unlike the rest of the house and looked like one of the few rooms that was actually used.
Stone was about to set his luggage on the guest bed when he noticed that the plastic wrap was still on the mattress.
He peeled it all off and headed back out to ask Robotnik if there was a linen closet. The doctor just stared out the window and refused to answer, so Stone ended up finding the linen closet on his own.
One successful application of sheets later, Stone had to also spread out the blankets and dress the pillows. The only pillow that didn’t need his attention was the one he had brought from home because it was better for his neck.
“Can I set up my knicknacks in my room?” Stone asked sweetly when he returned to the living room where Robotnik was still sulking. “I don’t have much since my life is mostly traveling between mission to mission, and I live on site,”
Robotnik huffed again, “Just keep it contained. I want no trace of you when this six month sentence is over so I can return to normal.”
Stone sighed for the fourth time since entering Robotnik’s house, “Of course, sir.”
The doctor glared at the agent’s retreating back as he imagined blowing him up with his mind. He made a“Pop!” noise with his mouth as he imagined it.
Stone turned around momentarily only to see Robotnik’s eyes glaring at him over the back of the couch. It was undeniably adorable, but he didn’t want to laugh and make him even angrier, so he hurried to his room and locked the door before covering his mouth to giggle.
He slid down the door and buried his head in his hands. Robotnik was so increasingly frustrating, but then he turned so adorable at the drop of a hat. Stone sighed, he was not supposed to become attached. He was supposed to be good at being indifferent, this was nothing more than a mission that was a little out of the ordinary.
Stone got to his feet with a wince for his bad knee, and pulled his knitting bag out of his suitcase, and returned to the main room. He sat down in the chair that was adjacent to Robotnik’s seat on the couch.
“What time do you usually eat dinner?” Stone asked as he pulled out his needles.
“Do people actually schedule time for meals?” Robotnik asked, looking up from his phone in genuine confusion.
“Yes, sir, they do. What were you planning to do? If you were still back at the lab?” Stone asked, beginning to work on his sock.
“Uhhhhh….” Robotnik stalled. When it was clear Stone wasn't going to drop the idea any time soon he spit out, “Granola bar. Prolly.”
The agent stared at him in disbelief and frustration, “You just weren’t going to eat dinner?”
“Stone, I don’t come here most nights!” The doctor started to raise his voice in frustration.
Stone pinched the bridge of his nose, “Sir… That’s not healthy at all. Ok, look how about I start cooking you meals during the six months?”
“Do whatever you want.”
Stone resisted the urge to roll his eyes and continued knitting until it was nearing the time he usually started dinner for himself. He got up and explored the barely used kitchen. He was horrified to discover that the only food was a full loaf of moldy bread, granola bars, and what looked like energy drinks that could kill a horse if they ingested the whole can.
Stone returned to the main room, his lips a thin line as he bit back all the angry words he wanted to say, “You have nothing of substance in this house. I will order something from out for dinner tonight, and then we can order something else for breakfast or eat leftovers. Tomorrow we are going grocery shopping. You are going to pick out normal food that I can cook. And snacks because I think your outbursts may be blood sugar related.”
“Fuck off. You don’t give orders, I am your superior still,” Robotnik snapped, standing up from the couch, “I am in charge-“
“No,” Stone interrupted, “You are not. I am your guardian currently which means I am in charge when it comes to your personal safety and the safety of others.”
Robotnik was shocked into silence, so Stone continued, “We are going to the store tomorrow. You are getting snacks that you will actually eat. I don’t care if they are over-processed fruit-by-the foot or a block of cheddar, just please get something to eat there.”
Stone then stalked off to clean out the kitchen. The granola bars could stay, they were actually a pretty decent brand. Stone knew because he ate them himself as a quick snack when he was on the go. But the energy drinks and loaf of more mold than bread were goners. He chucked the bread in the trash, noticing that there were very few pieces of garbage in there that weren’t granola wrappers. That made him frown.
Then he cracked open an energy drink and started pouring it down the sink.
“Hey, what the actual fuck are doing, agent?!” Robotnik exclaimed when he came into the room.
“Walters said I was allowed to use force if necessary. I don’t want to physically hurt you in any way, but I feel like this is something to, let's say, motivate you. Also these are shit for you.”
“My life force,” the doctor pouted as the electric blue drink swirled down the drain.
“Why is it so blue?” the agent hissed at him, concerned.
“Flavor!” Robotnik hissed back.
The agent opened the next can but Robotnik snatched it out of his hands before he could start pouring it out, too. He took a big sip while shoving his other hand into Stone’s face to push him away.
“Fine, but just one sip,” Stone said as he shrugged away the hand before adding, “If you hand the can back, I will try some too,”
The alarming drink was passed back to Stone without a word, so the agent put it to his lips and nearly gagged at the intense energy drink smell. He took a sip only to feel his body reject it immediately. His eyes went wide as he gagged and spat it into the sink.
“That’s highly concerning, sir,” Stone said when he stopped coughing.
“If you drank more, you’d get used to it.”
“I am trained to withstand small amounts of literal poison, this,” he gestured with the can,” is just plain bad,” he poured it down the sink. “No offense.”
“Offense taken!” Robotnik crossed his arms, "I'm going to need a caffeine substitute if you go through with this or compensation for the two wasted cans.”
Stone pursed his lips, “I can make lattes. I used to be a barista before I turned eighteen and joined the army.”
Robotnik made a gagging noise, “Coffee, blergh. I have never had good coffee.”
“There is always time to try something new sir, and if you do hate them, I will personally buy your energy drinks.”
Robotnik’s eyes lit up at that. “For ever and ever?” he said in a mocking tone.
Stone sighed, “Yes, but you have to give the lattes an honest try.”
“Deal.”
The agent nodded, “Thank you sir, I can get supplies tomorrow at the store if you don’t mind going a few hours without caffeine.”
“You say that jokingly, but I have been known to quote “crash out” with out caffine,” Robotnik sneered as he threw up finger quotes, mocking the agent’s earlier use.
Stone chuckled, having witnessed more than one of those crash outs from afar, “Well, I will make sure to keep you entertained to avoid any more traceable incidents.”
“Traceable?” Robotnik cocked an eyebrow, “Ooooh, sly.”
“Thank you, sir,” Stone smiled over at him.
They silently watched as the rest of the energy drinks swirled down the drain. Stone carried the empty cans to an overflowing recycling bin. He glanced over his shoulder with an eyebrow raised.
“It’s not that bad… that’s actually a few months worth. I just keep forgetting to take it to the curb,” Robotnik muttered.
Stone dumped the cans into the recycling and snapped, “Well that’s alright then!” before adding, “I suppose I can take the recycling and trash out. It will feel nice to have chores. Be useful.”
It was Robotnik’s turn to raise an eyebrow, but the agent just waved him off.
“Did you throw out the bread, too?” Robotnik said in a tired voice, changing the subject.
Stone nodded before adding, “It scared me.”
Robotnik dipped his head in agreement, “I didn’t want to touch it but I keep forgetting to bring a badnik home with me to clean it.”
Stone snorted as he followed Robotnik back to the living room. They took up the same spots on the couch and chair, but this time the doctor was facing Stone who had started messing around on his phone.
“Would you like pizza for dinner? There are other options, of course, I just feel like this would be better for sharing and also breakfast tomorrow.”
Robotnik mused for a minute before shrugging in agreement, “Why not?”
“Would you be ok with a vegan pizza?”
Robotnik narrowed his eyes at Stone, but agreed when he saw the agent glance up with a questioning look. Something about his eyes made Robotnik want to agree.
Dinner went uneventfully. It arrived and was eaten quietly at a dining table that Stone suspected had never been used before. Robotnik didn’t even look like he was comfortable sitting there.
Stone tried several conversation starters but each one was deflected.
“Pizza is good. Don’t mind the vegan cheese like I thought I would.”
Stone sighed in relief, “That’s great, sir!”
At least Robotnik wasn’t mad about that. Stone watched the man chew, staring down at his plate so as not to make eye contact accidently. Stone looked away, realizing why he wasn’t in a talking mood.
They sat in silence until Stone cleared away the dinner dishes and washed them. Robotnik didn’t seem to want any more conversation as he slipped off to bed. They met once more in the hall as Robotnik went into his room and Stone headed for the bathroom to brush his teeth. Neither man said anything, but Robotnik briefly returned Stone’s smile before slamming the door.
Grocery shopping was turning out to be a literal nightmare. Stone gripped the shopping cart handle and gritted his teeth as he stared at Robotnik.
The doctor was standing, arms crossed, looking a bit like he was drowning in an oversized grey hoodie that had probably seen better days. It was a weird contrast to the black skinny jeans the man was also wearing. Stone thought he looked like a petulant teenager, which certainly fit with how he was acting.
The agent had gotten the majority of the groceries in peace with Robotnik trailing after him. He had even managed to get dinner supplies for the week with no complaint along with basic household staples like flour that the doctor didn’t seem to have.
Now they were stuck on snacks.
“Sir. Just pick something you want to eat, it’s simple!”
“No,” Robotnik pouted and turned away, “I refuse.”
“Dr. Robotnik. You will pick something you want or I will pick something you almost certainly don’t and make you eat it, Stone’s patience was fraying.
“Are you threatening me?” Robotnik gasped and pretended to clutch his pearls. “Do you know what I am capable of, Agent Stone?”
“Yes! That’s why you're in this mess in the first place!”
The agent blocked Robotnik’s path as he tried to leave the aisle. He took a look into the doctor’s angry eyes and changed tactics, “Please just pick something, sir.”
Robotnik gritted his teeth as he was met with the big brown eyes Stone seemed to wield like lethal weapons.
He glanced around before he threw some random bag of cheese crackers into the cart without a word. He waited for Stone to get angry or tell him to grab something else because he had horrible taste but nothing came. Not even an angry sigh.
“Thank you, sir,” Stone whispered as he started to push the cart out of the aisle.
The doctor blinked but followed along. They came to the dairy section next where Stone seemed to spend extra time looking for milk.
“Do you think you would prefer goat milk in your latte?” Stone asked as he added a carton of oat milk to the cart.
“That’s oat milk. Not goat milk.” Robotnik grumbled. He was trying to be funny but no one ever seemed to notice when he used wordplay. Until now. Stone had started snickering. The doctor paused when he heard the lovely sound, staring at Stone in shock. No one had ever genuinely laughed at his jokes before and it gave him a weird feeling in his chest, all fluttery and warm.
Robotnik nodded, “Yeah, sure whatever you think is best. These are your lattes after all.”
“Oh, I don’t drink goat milk,” Stone hummed.“Lactose intolerant and all that,” he pointed at the oat milk in the cart.
“Oh. Well that explains the vegan pizza,” Robotnik pondered.
“Yeah… wait you didn't know? I thought they put that in my file,” Stone looked a little confused as he added goat milk to the cart, “Oooh, this one’s from Austria.
“Nope! I can add it later if you want,” Robotnik suggested, confused about why he was offering to be helpful of all things. “I mean unless I missed it because your file was, uh, bedtime reading.”
The doctor thought back to how he had planned to read Stone’s file in bed but the second his head had touched the pillow he was out like a light. Stone seemed to catch on to what had happened and turned his attention back to the groceries.
Robotnik stayed silent as they checked out and didn't speak during the car ride home, either. Stone gave him space as they put away the groceries. Robotnik took his bag of cheese crackers and the handful of other snacks Stone had grabbed for him to try and set them out on the dining table. He stared at the options as he tried to calculate which would be the fastest to eat.
“Instead of eating all your snacks right now, sir,” Stone suggested as he came to stand next to him, “How about I make some popcorn? I did get a case of soda while we were at the store because I didn’t think you would be up to a trip to my apartment this afternoon. My neighbors can be a lot and you already seemed over peopled as it was.”
“That was… thoughtful,” Robotnik said slowly, not used to any gesture of kindness.
“It’s got considerably less caffeine,” Stone added as he got out the microwaveable popcorn from the shopping bag. “So it’s technically better for you even with all the sugar.”
Robotnik let out a “hrumph” sound and planted himself back on the couch.
“Oh, do you assume popcorn and coke are synonymous with movies?” Stone joked as he peeled off the plastic wrap and stuck the bag in the microwave.
“If you're supposed to be my guardian, I think that means you have to provide entertainment too,” Robotnik grouched as he kicked open the coffee table to reveal a plethora of fluffy blankets, “Not that any of my previous guardians at the orphanage ever did,” he hissed under his breath.
He pulled out a maroon blanket and then pulled out a black one after some deliberation. When Stone came in with a bowl of steaming popcorn and two glasses full of soda his eyes fell on Robotnik. The doctor was wrapped in the maroon blanket so only his face and a singular gloved hand was visible. He was using the buttons to navigate to find a movie. The agent couldn't help but smile as he gazed at the doctor.
Stone set the snack and drinks on the table with only minor difficulty, he was GUN’s best agent after all. He was about to sit down in the chair when he noticed the soft black blanket on the couch. It was still folded, but looked like it had been deliberately placed so he would see it.
Stone felt his smile widen as he realised Robotnik wanted him to sit there. He picked up the blanket and sat down with his feet tucked up under him. He draped the blanket across his lap before letting the popcorn bowl sit on his knee so it was easier for Robotnik to reach without uncozy-ing.
Finally satisfied with his movie choice, Robotnik hit play. He shuffled a bit so he was able to yank a control glove off with his teeth before reaching over for a handful of popcorn and stuffed into his mouth.
He was chewing and contentedly watching the opening credits when he heard a snicker to his left. He glanced over at Stone who had hidden a smile behind his hand.
“Warf?” Robotnik asked through his mouth full, “It’s more efficient this way.”
“I didn’t say anything, sir,” Stone said, turning his attention back to the screen.
Robotnik huffed, this time with almost no malice as he watched Stone’s face settle into a soft smile.
The first week seemed to progress almost peacefully. Robotnik still fought back against Stone’s new meal times, but otherwise the agent was able to slip into his life as if he had always been there.
The Saturday they went to get the latte supplies from Stone’s apartment, he was even allowed to wait in the car instead of having to talk with Stone’s neighbors. The agent had jokingly called him the getaway driver despite the fact that Robotnik didn’t have a license and was riding shotgun. When Stone returned with a giant box Robotnik audibly gasped, causing the agent to laugh.
“That’s all for coffee?” He asked when Stone got back in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
“Not just coffee, good coffee!”
When they got back to Robotnik’s house the agent started working right away. The doctor watched him in vague fascination. When the latte was served to him, he accepted it eagerly and took a sip.
It was life changing. The latte Stone made him was absolute perfection, and Robotnik wanted to strangle him. He wanted to throw the agent out a window for introducing him to this.
“GOD DAMN YOU, STONE!”
“So you like it?”
“I LOVE IT AND I AM FURIOUS ABOUT IT!” The man snapped as he stared down at the coffee and frothy milk that made up his latte.
“Well, sir, I can make you one every morning of my stay,” Stone smiled as Robotnik drained his cup.
“But what will I do afterwards?”
Stone was taken aback. It was the first time Robotnik had even alluded to wanting something he did after the six months were up. Usually all Stone got was a “I can’t wait till you're gone” when he tried to change the doctor’s lifestyle for the healthier.
“I can always make them for you at work when I don’t have a mission. I can drop by the lab with a thermos first thing every morning. But six months is a long time, sir, you might be sick of them by then!” Stone added with a laugh.
“No. I won’t.” Robotnik said as he walked off leaving Stone shocked and alone in the kitchen.
The agent let out a stunned little laugh as he cleaned and put away the coffee equipment, humming as he worked.