Work Text:
There they were again, like they used to be. Together again at TwitchCon, rather ironic isn’t it.
“Hey, how are you?” Ranboo exhales slowly, cautiously, exploring the boundaries that never used to be there. It felt off, the same people, the same room, years later. Everything was the same, but so foreign. The question lingered in the air, awaiting.
Well Tommy couldn’t really speak anyways. All he felt was the ineffable feeling of how much he missed Ranboo and—just wanting to jump up and hug their figure— he stared at how much they changed. How much did he change? Did he move on? Why? It remained unanswered like every other question the pair had. The tension was unbearably intimate in a way that could make anyone uncomfortable.
Tommy took a step forward, a small move meaning everything and nothing.
“I haven’t seen you in so long,” Tommy noted slowly, observing his taller friend. Ranboo wasn’t sure whether to smile or cry and he was trying so hard not to do either.
Ranboo finally spoke again, “Am I one of your five?” , he looked nervous, hoping at least Tommy would answer honestly, however painful that statement would be. Tommy looked confused, his body tensed, not knowing what the other meant.
“You said you had five friends, am I one of them?” Ranboo clarified, his hands fidgeted with the hem of his shirt and the ticking clock sounding louder than anything.
Tommy visibly relaxed before nodding repeatedly, “look, I know we didn’t talk for a long time so I didn’t mention you but you’ll always be my friend, why would you even think otherwise?” , his voice softens and his uneasiness shifting into something else, something that felt more like familiarity.
“oh”, Ranboo replies simply, trying to process what Ranboo just said.
“Can I hug you?” Tommy utters carefully, no louder than a whisper and that one question breaks everything down. All Ranboo could do was nod and sweep Tommy into his arms. The touch was everything, warmth surged into their faces. A sense of safety, both of them clinging on like each other’s liveliness.
“I missed you.” Tommy mumbled into the fabric, taking everything in. “You’ve changed so much but you’re still painfully clingy” Ranboo says, laughing softly, that look in his eyes longing and so fond.
“Missed you too” “I missed you too”, Ranboo continues, ”Honestly I presumed you moved on and forgot about me.”
Tommy gave a soft smile and picked up Ranboo’s hand in his, “Listen, our friendship is indelible, I will never ever forget about you.”
Tommy declares with an insisting tone. A broken nod by a someone who he once known with eyes filled with tears is the reply he got back, but Tommy’s head is the slightest bit fucked up (in his own words at least), so he doesn’t settle for that former friend's bullshit. Not for his and Ranboo’s honestly rather confusing relationship at least. So he forces the two to catch up —which he didn’t really force Ranboo to go hang out with him per se because don’t blame Tommy, he just got Ranboo back, don’t want to pressure him or scare him away just yet, even if that person saw probably every side of him already, but it doesn’t matter— Ranboo agrees easily and to be fair, Tommy wouldn’t have pushed anyway.
“What’s your favorite color, still royal blue?” Tommy asks casually, trying to ease the awkwardness even if in anyone else’s opinion they would say there isn’t any at all, “oh probably, I haven’t thought about it much.” Ranboo replies, thinking on the question way too much than Tommy expected and realizing how much he unintentionally fucked with the other’s mind.
“How have you been?” Ranboo asks, genuinely interested and hoping life is treating Tommy well, he deserves every bit of success he gets and he is so unknowingly kind and thoughtful it makes Ranboo lose his mind.
Tommy blinks and stops for a beat, thinking of his answer, Ranboo assumes.
“I’ve been good I guess, I’ve been doing standup comedy more. I think I like it quite a bit and I’m really wanting to get good at it.”
Ranboo softens at how Tommy’s face lights up when he talks about something he’s passionate about, observing his face with something caring, he thinks it’s called love.
He looks so young all over again, maybe it’s better to just refuse to believe all these years have gone by without any interaction between the two. He thinks he missed that, all of it, but most of all, he just missed Tommy.
“I’m glad.” Ranboo says shortly, still watching Tommy’s eyes twinkle with joy.
“What about you? What have you been up to?” Ranboo asks, sounding eager.
“Well I’m still doing streams and playing a lot of different games now“
“Oh I know, I’ve been watching you” Tommy chimed in, then almost immediately grimaced.
“Sorry that sounded so creepy,” he said, sounding more like he was trying his best not to laugh than apologetic which to be fair he was, but Ranboo just dropped his head down into his hands, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter.
Tommy grinned sheepishly and just gazed at his friend. Soon composing himself, Ranboo spoke again,
“Why don’t you tell me more about your tours? I’d love to listen.”
Tommy hesitates for a second but starts rambling on about the technicals of everything and that little spark in Tommy’s eye came back, Ranboo loved moments like these, he would listen to every little thing that made him happy or sad and Tommy looked so comfortable and at home while talking about his hobbies which Ranboo can see he genuinely enjoyed and cared.
Ranboo would let Tommy talk all night if he wanted to, it was just them, they weren’t live, just the two of them together with no one else to criticize the pair. No need to put on an act or having to filter yourself to avoid whatever judgement that would come your way.
“I really missed us” Tommy whispers softly, barely audible really, anyone else would’ve missed it because Tommy doesn’t really put aside his alias much. Mostly because in public he gets filmed a bit too often than he would like to be, he loves his fans for everything, he just misses having a private life. Ranboo despises those people, some people just have no sense of respect at all.
“I missed us too Toms” Ranboo says, pulling Tommy closer.
Then
“Ran, could we like…maybe in the future hang out again soon?” Tommy asks, noticeably hesitating.
Ranboo smiles before replying, “Of course, you can even invite Toby if you want."
a pause
“I really want to see him again, even if he’s forgotten all about me”.
Now Tommy has snapped out of his dazed state and is just staring in shock at how fast his friend can spiral into self-deprecating and partially horrified.
“Come on Ran, stop being all self-destructive, we are going to invite Toby and then do something either fun or relaxing, your choice”, which that day ended in Ranboo passing out from exhaustion and Tommy soothing him to calm his mind down from all the overthinking he does.
—
“Where are you?”
“Next to the road, I literally see you!”
“What do you mean?! Where??”
“Tommy, just look to your left”
Tommy turns, he sees no one and honestly doesn’t know where Tubbo is, it was like he was invisible.
“That was your right you idiot”
Tubbo is sounding exasperated and so very close to just turning away and heading back and next to Tommy, Ranboo is just giggling softly as Tommy is struggling with his directions, already a great start to the day.
“Oh?… oh! I found you! I’ll walk to you, the arcade is in your direction anyway”
“Okay great”
Tommy and Ranboo walked towards where Tubbo was waiting. Not missing a beat, Tubbo runs up and pulls Ranboo into a hug. It’s been years, what made him cut contact anyway?
They didn’t really cut contact, they probably just grew apart, which Tubbo assumes is normal but holy shit he forgot how much he really missed Ranboo, who freezes for a second which makes Tubbo —being the amazing and respectful friend he is— apologize and loosen his grip, ready to back off if Ranboo wasn’t comfortable but Ranboo pulls Tubbo right back in. The two immediately melted in the hug, not speaking but the silence was saying everything they needed and wanted to.
“I need you”
“So do I”
“Please don’t let go”
“I wish I could hold on forever”
“I missed you”
“I missed you too”
They held on to each other for what felt like hours but all both of them felt at home. That feeling that they so desperately tried to find anything like it these past years they’ve been apart but never finding anything quite like it.
“Are you ready to go?” Tommy asked, his voice of humor but looking rather teary eyed. It was always hard for his friends to let go of life and open up but he always respected their boundaries. Right now from watching them he sees everything spilling out.
It was a bit before he got a reply but the two loosened their grip and continued on with the meetup, having the time of their lives, obviously and just for a bit, not having a care in the world. They’re all adults now —that still feels so weird to say— and they have responsibilities and have changed, for better or worse, who really knows? However it is clear as day that they all matured and grew into their own separate respectful people.
“Tommy, why are you doing this?!”
“Don’t be dramatic Toby”
“You said you’d go easy you bitch”
“That was easy.”
Tubbo scoffs but he wasn’t really mad at his friend. Ranboo pats his head as he walks on the dance machine, leaning on the handrail as he spoke, “You’re so shockingly bad at this” he teased as Tommy sets up the next game between him and Ranboo.
“Like you’re any better” Tubbo retaliated, crossing his arms and almost tripping on his own feet.
Ranboo laughs softly, “well it certainly can’t get any worse”, Tommy lets out a shocked laugh but quickly covers it up.
Tubbo is glaring at the both of them like he wanted to murder them both, “sleep with one eye open tonight” he says almost menacingly, but to any other he never looked very scary. Ranboo nods, amused, and starts the game with Tommy as Tubbo watches Ranboo completely obliterate his score and jaw dropping in offense.
—
“The both of you betrayed me”
“because we won?” Ranboo asks, sounding exhausted. “Yes.” Tubbo huffs, fiddling with Tommy’s coat zipper. “Oh my god” Tommy mutters, stopping dead in his tracks. The other two immediately turn their heads to wear Tommy was looking. “What? Where?”
Tommy snapped out of his bewilderment and pointed towards a small shop across the street, sparkling with colorful lights and the ribbons hanging from the glass danced along with the wind. The glittering sign read ‘photo booth’ and inside was full of people.
“Holy fucking shit Tom, you scared the fuck out of me because you saw a tiny shop? I thought something was seriously wrong. Oh my fucking god.” Tubbo ranted, speaking so fast it was barely coherent and doing random upset hand signals.
“I’m sorry, okay? It just looked so cool” Tommy says in a hushed tone, shoving his hands in his pockets. Tubbo softens as he looks up at his friend but neither of them spoke.
“It does look really nice, do you want to go take a few photos?” Ranboo asks, in such a gentle tone that parents use a lot when comforting their kids.
Tommy’s face lights up, “Really? Yeah let’s go!” Tubbo smiles and he follows Tommy who is already walking across the street.
They all headed in and Tommy audibly gasped at everything, just taking it all in, and in his defense, the place was amazing, bright colors splashed across the walls, not too much that would make your eyes hurt but just enough to lighten up your mood. The lady at the desk was wearing her hair down with pink and white clips all over her hair which matched her highlights at the ends of her hair. She led all of them to a booth and told them how to work everything.
“Okay, I turned it on”
“Do a pose!”
“Wait what?”
They all got in an awkward and uncoordinated position with Tommy holding up a peace sign, Tubbo just raising his hand, in the same pose like either greeting someone or waiting for a high five which neither happened, and Ranboo is just standing there eyeing the both of them. The shutter clicked and another countdown appeared.
“We need a pose, just do something” Tubbo said, which he immediately regretted because Ranboo proceeded to say
“Let’s lift Tubbo up!”, and before anyone could process what was happening, Tubbo was in the air with both of his friends under him with Tommy holding his legs and Ranboo holding his shoulders.
The shutter clicked again as Tubbo looked terrified.
“Could you look any more freaked out? Holy shit”
Tommy giggled, “The next photo is happening, smile!”
“Not until you let me down!” Tubbo replied, stubbornly, while trying to wiggle out before the next photo.
“Ran, force him to smile for the photo” Tommy whined as Tubbo shook his head, Ranboo looked between the two and pretended to drop Tubbo by just throwing him up a bit which totally brought the screaming to another level and Ranboo was convinced the other people thought someone was being murdered in here. However it did work, Tubbo laughed and flailed around a tiny bit, either from glee or pure adrenaline, who knows? The camera clicked and luckily Ranboo caught Tubbo without dropping him, Tubbo however clearly had other plans because he tried to squirm out of Ranboo’s grip, probably spooked and thinking Ranboo would do it again. Tubbo failed tragically and instead caused everyone to fall on top of each other, laughing at the idiocy of it all. The photo turned out great, with the last one having Ranboo looking adoringly at Tubbo who was looking somewhat alarmed and laughing alongside Tommy who was just pointing at him with one hand.
It was imperfect, but Ranboo thinks the 3 photos convey every feeling perfectly, the awkward stage, the starting to get comfortable, and the stage where you could just be yourself. He wasn’t sure which stage the three of them were at, honestly there should be a stage for this weird as fuck state that ex-friends have —but all of them aren’t ex-friends at all, damn you Ranboo, but they weren’t exactly ride or die either? Ranboo would personally die for the two, just maybe he had been demoted from the position himself. It’s upsetting how fast people can fall apart, a lot of the time he blames himself. Which isn’t ideal, but it’s an explanation. No one would just leave. Is it because he didn’t check up on them enough? Was he too much? He was too much even for himself, he didn’t know what to expect. He never thought those things he said about himself would disappear but meeting them again? They had nothing against him, it was almost the same. Like it used to be, except everything changed, everyone changed. Ranboo still thinks he left a part of himself along the journey past these years and all the hardships. Just feeling their presence healed that part inside him, he felt okay again. Something he never thought he would say.
—
“That was genius” Tommy exclaimed, directing at the photo. The others spoke at the same time.
“I know it was”
“Dumbest thing ever”
Ranboo and Tubbo continued to bicker over the smallest things, and the topic kept changing to the most random things which Tommy knew the arguments were all lighthearted because of how Tubbo was looking at Ranboo with that familiar fondness and love.
That same look all of his friends used to look at him, before everything fell apart. Now he can’t even meet most of their eyes. He didn’t know where he went wrong, even if he was assured a million times to never assume you made a mistake, his skepticism will still remain. In every universe, he hopes he could meet them again, in another situation, when they’re not fighting their own battles and could build their own imaginary world that only they can achieve, because he truly believes each person’s soul extends deeper than any eye can see, and it’s not healthy to share all your thoughts to just one person, but isn’t it better to try?
It’s another world in your eyes and your iris holds your secrets, what you need in life is the person who will hold your hand while that unfolds. The warmth could seethe through your skin and comfort your mind, distract you from your thoughts without even trying.
Tommy has always considered touch to be the most important sense, because what happens without it? The pain will disappear but is it worth all the joy alongside it? Tommy always acted so confident but really? He was trying to listen to everyone.
“shut up more”
“be louder”
“you’re ruining everything”
“you saved my life”
“stop being stupid”
“why did he ever say that omg”
“he’s so nice”
“why couldn’t you be better”
“be you”
But under all of that, how would he know what he is? Who is he? All of him is built off of them, the people who love him, the people who hate him, the people who are leaning one way or another but not knowing which side is more ‘trendy’ or ‘cool’.
They said to be everything because that’s what they would want, he tried to be the sun, entertaining everyone in the middle of the room, spreading joy to many and urging others to be themselves and be the person they want themselves to be, but no one is foolish enough to fly too close to the sun, and no one ever looks for too long.
the night won’t last forever
the light in the alley will dim
don’t learn how to climb
learn how to fly
sit on the clouds and watch the moon
the stars will twinkle like the spark in your eyes
promised love with the heavens
everything happens in due time
the sun starts to rise and you’d fall back down
fly too close and your wings will melt but it’s better than never coming around