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It was raining in Karakura Town. The weather was getting cooler, which was nice, but the rain was getting on Hiyori’s nerves. She felt cooped up in this warehouse, having finished her work for the day but with no place to go.
She didn’t feel lonely often. After all, she wasn’t really alone that often. Today was an exception though. Everyone else seemed to be away, busy with things that Hiyori hadn’t even bothered to ask about. They all had to cope in their own ways.
Hiyori wasn’t usually one to drink, but today felt different. She couldn’t quite put her finger on why. Maybe it was the rain. Or maybe it was just the date. It was the anniversary of the day she had been Hollow-fied. The day that bastard Aizen had changed the entire course of her non-life.
It wasn’t exactly the kind of day she usually celebrated or anything, but she did tend to like to have people around. Her friends, or maybe they were family at this point, were usually there, the only people who understood what it was like to live in this strange state of being so many different things but never fully one thing or the other. And yet, this year they weren’t around.
It was fine. Hiyori didn’t need anyone else anyway.
She pulled out a bottle of some liquor or another. Yoruichi had given it to her since most places around here refused to sell her anything just because she was so short. “Where’s you mom kid?” they’d say to her, as if she hadn’t out-lived their grandparents at this point. She poured herself a glass and gulped it down, cringing as it went down. It didn’t taste very good, but even after just one drink Hiyori started to feel that familiar buzz. It would definitely do the trick.
Was it healthy to try and drink herself into not thinking about what had happened to her? Probably not. But that wasn’t going to stop her. It was just her, her glass, and the rain.
Hiyori thought she should probably thank Aizen. At least she wasn’t stuck being a Soul Reaper for the rest of time. Soul Reapers with all their rules and sense of “honor” or whatever. They were all so self-righteous, thinking they were so noble then wanting to destroy the Vizards just because of something they had never asked for.
Speaking of the Vizards, she wondered what the others were really up to. Did they even remember what today was? Maybe they had all forgotten about the day they had all gained a really troublesome inner self. Maybe they just wanted to forget, as if any of them ever really could. After all, some of them had willingly run back to the Soul Society, taking up positions of importance as if they hadn’t been thrown out before.
Or maybe they just wanted to leave her alone.
She couldn’t have said how long she’d been sitting there drinking when she felt his presence. Of course he would remember how much she hated this day. She thought about hiding her bottle before he came in; she didn’t want to waste it on him. But then she supposed he deserved something for showing up today.
“Drinking alone?” he asked.
“Shut up.”
Shinji held out a glass, and Hiyori filled it up. They drank in silence for a while.
“I’m surprised you showed up,” Hiyori said finally. “Thought you’d be too busy captaining or whatever.”
He took a slow sip of his drink before answering. “Guess I just didn’t want to be alone today.”
Hiyori scoffed at this. “You are surrounded by people there.”
“Yeah, but none of them understand what today is like for us.”
“Did you forget that some of the other Vizards went back to Soul Society with you?”
Shinji shifted uncomfortably. “I said what I said.”
“Hmph.” Hiyori knew that was his way of saying he wanted to be with her in particular. She scooted closer to him. She knew how this night would end, the same way nights like this had ended for decades at this point.
Hiyori would never admit her feelings for him when she was sober, but get enough alcohol in her and she couldn’t stop herself. It’s not like she got completely wasted; no, she wanted to be just tipsy enough to not have her usual anxieties but not drunk enough to not remember. She wanted to remember every touch, every feeling, every whisper of emotion built up over centuries of being together.
She would never claim to know Shinji’s reasons. Maybe one day she’d ask him. As the alcohol began to have its desired effect, she knew this time would not be that time. She finished her current glassful then looked at his face, one she knew almost as well as her own. Sometimes she wondered if he could read her mind, because he immediately put his lips on hers, wrapping her tightly in his arms.
Their kisses went from sweet and calm to needy and hurried in almost no time. Alcohol always seemed to have that effect for them. Sometimes Hiyori wondered if she should feel bad, using Shinji like this for a moment’s peace, a chance to forget everything that had happened to them. However something in Shinji’s apparent need made her feel like he wanted this just as badly, so she gave in to her hunger for this, for him.
The night proceeded exactly like Hiyori knew it would, which was exhilarating and exhausting all at once. Shinji’s mouth wasn’t just good at talking, and they gave themselves up in ways that weren’t just explained by their mildly drunken state. When their passion had finally been sated, it was still raining outside. Hiyori turned to the side, watching rain drops slide down the window.
Shinji kissed her shoulder. “I love you,” he said, voice still slightly slurred. He always said that after.
“I know you do.” She always responded with that.
As the buzz started to wane, Hiyori knew this would end the same way as it always did. Shinji would fall asleep, Hiyori would go to clean up and grab some food, and when she came back he’d be gone. Then he’d call her the next day to complain about something useless, and they’d pretend this never happened.
Maybe they were stuck in a harmful cycle, or maybe this was just the way it was always supposed to be. Two people full of feelings they could never say, at least not when they were completely sober. And maybe one day they’d break that cycle and find some way to live happily together.
Not today though. Today would go the same way as every other time. Hiyori would just have to learn to live with that.