Archive of Our Own ^beta

Lately Ruka was finding herself with a tiiiny bit of a hunch that something had changed.

Well, of course, life was constantly moving forward and everything was changing, little by little. Ruka knew that even she herself had changed because of all that had happened recently, but… that seemed like a given, considering she did feel different. Somewhat lighter, like some weight she had been carrying all along had been lifted off her shoulders.

It wasn’t about that though. It wasn’t about her in the first place.

It was about Yuki.

It wasn’t like it was something Ruka felt she should be worried about. Rather than that, she was… curious? Yes, that seemed like the right word. It wasn’t a bad thing at all, so just going to Yuki and asking her directly was out of the question. If it wasn’t something she was aware of, Ruka didn’t want to make her feel self-conscious about it… She already had a history of accidentally doing so after all, and she wasn't particularly good at figuring out how to avoid it.

Ruka still wanted to know what it was about though, so she decided to pay extra attention to her. Very discreetly, of course…

“Can I ask you why you’re staring at me like this?” Yuki said, glancing at Ruka nervously before her eyes moved back to her MePad.

Ah, seems like I've been found out already.

They were currently sitting in their usual spot on the bench near the arena, with Ruka as always inviting herself to keep Yuki company, but this time she decided to keep quiet without bothering Yuki too much. It was making Ruka feel a little restless, sure, because she’d rather chat with her if they were spending time together, but… Yuki seemed actually busy with something, not just messing around, and this seemed like a good opportunity to just observe.

It seemed like her plan had already failed though.

“Huh? Am I not allowed to?” Ruka asked in response, feigning innocence.

“W-Well, it’s not like I can tell you what to do,” Yuki mumbled, but then sighed. “It’s pretty distracting though…”

“Huh? But I’m not doing anything! I was staying quiet like a good girl!”

“That’s somehow way more concerning than when you’re making noise. I end up wondering just what you’re scheming this time, instead of focusing on whatever I was doing,” the girl explained with a somewhat forced smile.

“Come on, Yukkie, I’m not scheming anything,” Ruka said, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees and grin up at the other girl. “I didn’t want to distract you and I’m not smart enough to know what you’re doing, but I just thought you looked like you were enjoying yourself, so I’m happy with just watching.”

“H-Huh?! I-I see…” Yuki stuttered out, her eyes widening and a blush appearing on her face. “W-Well, not really, I can’t see what you’d find enjoyable about just watching me…”

“That’s alright, simply do your thing and leave me be. If I get bored I’ll just leave, but for now I want to sit with Yukkie like this,” she replied. It wasn’t a lie, even when putting Ruka’s ulterior motives aside it was nice to sometimes just relax and do nothing in good company… though Ruka also felt like recently she did a whole lot of nothing, since she had been only just released from the hospital.

“Well, I already said I can’t tell you what to do, so… you can stay here, if that's what you want.” Yuki’s voice became quieter and quieter as she spoke, to the point that Ruka instinctively leaned towards her even though she could hear the other girl just fine. Yuki still wasn’t looking at her, but it was okay, she was busy after all. She didn’t move away, and didn’t tell her to leave.

“Okaaay! That's what I'll do,” Ruka replied cheerfully.

And so, she returned to quietly watching Yuki while trying to be as little distracting as she could.

Yuki had said she couldn’t see what Ruka would find fun about that, but Ruka herself had no reason to complain. Yuki tended to wear a serious expression in general, and it’s not like it made her any less pretty, but there was a difference between her usual frown and her focused face as she worked. Maybe it was just a slight difference, but… Ruka couldn’t help but think it made her look cool.

But today felt a little different too. The profile Ruka knew so well seemed a little more relaxed, despite Yuki being no less serious than usual. Maybe she was simply in a good mood? Ruka couldn't know for sure, but…

As always, you're way too beautiful for a hacker, she thought.

“H-Huh?!” Yuki let out a loud cry, finally turning towards her with an extremely flustered expression. “W-What are you saying all of a sudden?!”

Huh?

“Ah. Did I actually say this out loud…?” Ruka muttered, surprised about that herself as well. “Sorry, I didn't mean to this time. It was meant to stay in my head but it just slipped out.”

“Just what are you thinking about?!”

“Yukkie.”

“I knew that letting you stay here was a terrible idea!” The girl replied, her face turning even redder, if that was possible. “You’re here just to mess with me again!”

“Eh? Not at all!” Ruka protested. “Well, this was my fault, but you know I always blurt out anything that pops into my head, so think of it as just that!”

“T-There’s no way you’d just blurt out something like that as a random thought!”

“But I think about that randomly kinda often? That Yukkie is really pretty, I mean. Can't do anything about that when it’s the truth.”

For a moment Yuki just stayed silent, as if speechless, but then-

“Abnormalities detected in both heart rate and pulse!” A robotic voice from Yuki's MePad spoke out of nowhere, and Ruka barely managed to stop herself from bursting into laughter. “Yuki-san, I'm becoming seriously concerned about your health! Please, make your way to the infirmary!”

“WAAAAAH! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO DISABLE THIS FUNCTION!” Yuki yelled in panic. “AND AGAIN, IT’S NOT THAT!”

“I can’t possibly accept such a request, what if something was actually wrong and I couldn’t react?” ASS replied in a tone simulating worry.

“THIS WASN’T A REQUEST, IT WAS A COMMAND!”

“But, Yuki-san…”

“Come on, Yukkie, don’t shout at our child.” Ruka decided to defend the pitiful AI. “Can’t you see that ASS meant well?”

“It’s not about whether it meant well or not, it’s about the fact that the AI I made is disobeying its creator!” the girl replied.

“Now, now. You know how it is. In the life of every parent there comes a day when their child leaves the nest and becomes independent. We need to make peace with the fact that our little ASS is growing up.”

“That’s something that absolutely should NOT happen in this case! No AI should ever become independent! That’s scary! Just what kind of advanced AI did I make?! And stop talking about it like it’s really our child!”

“But, Yuki-san, you two have taught me so much! It’s like you’ve really raised me, and I’m really grateful to both of you!” ASS exclaimed cheerfully.

“You… I-I see,” Yuki muttered, her tone switching to a gentler one immediately, probably without her even realizing. “No, no, Ruka never teaches you anything useful, you shouldn’t be grateful to her…”

“I’m teaching it the importance of playtime. We all need to chill out sometimes,” Ruka said.

“How does that apply to an electronic device?!”

“Well, maybe not the electronic device, but it applies to Yukkie, and ASS might remind you of that from time to time. And then, Yukkie will remember it was me who taught it that and you’ll come throw yourself into my arms because you feel so grateful about it.”

“I’m not doing anything like that!” Yuki screamed, looking extremely flustered once again. “I was right all along, you did come here just to mess with me after all!”

“No, no, I swear I didn’t. I’ll be quiet now, I promise!” Ruka replied, putting her hand over her heart for emphasis.

“I don’t believe you! At this rate I’m not getting anything done, so I might as well give up already!” she snapped, but then… she simply sighed in defeat. “Actually, let’s do just that.”

“Huh?”

“It’s nothing that urgent… I can do it later. If you’re here anyway, I might as well pay attention to you,” Yuki explained, giving Ruka a soft smile. “Have you eaten lunch yet?”

Huh? What is this? Ruka thought for a second, but her own mouth didn’t give her brain enough time to dwell on it for long enough.

“Yay! I haven’t! Let’s go, let’s go!” she exclaimed happily, already getting up from the bench and grabbing Yuki’s hand to pull her along.

“H-Hey, I can walk on my own without your help-” Yuki tried to protest, but Ruka paid it no mind. Right now, she was just happy that things had turned out in her favor.

Even if she ended up learning nothing in the end.

***

Maybe she should try this from another angle. Of course Ruka wouldn't be able to figure anything out just from spending time with Yuki, since she was so easily distracted when she was having fun.

So, Ruka found herself at the Seraph Research Center lab, occupying the extra chair near Higuchi’s desk.

“Kayamori. Are you going to eventually tell me why you're here, or am I supposed to guess?” the girl asked her, finally sparing her a glance. “Having trouble with your seraph again?”

Ruka just shook her head.

“No, that's not it.”

“Then what is it? Don't tell me you're here just to hang out.”

“Why not?”

“Because then you wouldn't stop bothering me until you got what you wanted. So, what is it about?” Higuchi repeated her question.

“Well… Yukkie,” Ruka finally admitted.

The other girl's eyes widened at that response.

“Oh? Izumi again?” she said, a slightly ominous smile now on her lips. “Are you going to throw another jealous fit? Go ahead, I'm starting to find those amusing.”

“I’m not going to,” Ruka replied but she could still feel the usual pout make its way onto her face against her will. Maybe what Higuchi mentioned had happened in the past, but it really wasn't about that now!

“Then what's your issue?”

“Say, Higumin… Did you also get the impression that Yukkie has been acting a liiittle differently lately?” she asked hesitantly.

Once again, Higuchi gave her a surprised look.

“What makes you think that this is something I'd know anything about?”

“I mean… you two seem to be getting along really well, so I thought…”

“So you're jealous after all.”

“I'm not,” Ruka lied. “So, just tell me?”

“Again, why are you assuming I have any answer for you?” she said with a frown.

“Because if you didn’t, you’d just say you don’t.”

“Incorrect. Watching you become increasingly desperate is entertaining, so avoiding answering is of some benefit to me.”

“That’s cruel, Higumin!” Ruka whined in response. “I was just asking you as a friend!”

“Oh, so you’re pulling that card on me now? I see,” Higuchi mused, seemingly more to herself than to Ruka. “Well, there’s no harm in me telling you that I haven’t really noticed anything that different myself.”

“So you think I’m imagining it?”

“No, it might be that…” she started, but then cut herself off. “Whatever.”

“It’s not whatever to me!” Ruka insisted, to which the other girl gave her a rather concerning smirk.

“I already said I have no answer for you, but if you’re asking for theories, you’ll have to offer me something of equal value in return. So, Kayamori, how about you tell me in detail about your recent close encounter with death? Since I also had one a while ago, maybe comparing our experiences could provide me with some valuable data.”

Ah. Ruka couldn’t deny that it was true that both of them went through somewhat of a near death experience not that long, but…

“I feel like I can’t offer you much of value here…” she said after a moment of thought. “I mean, it all happened so fast and I don’t remember much from it. I was unconscious after all?”

“So you didn’t experience your life flashing before your eyes? Any grand revelations of someone on the verge of death? Any notable physical reactions?” Higuchi asked, and Ruka could only shake her head.

“Except for me eventually stopping breathing? When would I even have the time for that? Wait, what was it like for you?”

“How boring,” the girl just sighed, ignoring Ruka’s question entirely, even though she got her all curious about that now.

“That’s why I said I have nothing to offer! I didn’t expect this kind of transactional exchange to happen in the first place! Maybe if I did, I would’ve paid more attention!”

“While unconscious? I’d be genuinely impressed if you could pull that off.”

“I’m assuming this means you’re not sharing your theory with me,” Ruka concluded with a sigh.

“Well, you tried, so I might as well throw you a bone,” Higuchi replied, to Ruka’s surprise. “Since when do you have the impression that Izumi has changed in any way?”

She wondered about the answer for a bit. She wasn’t exactly sure about that herself, if she had to be honest. It’s not like she had any solid evidence of it, beyond her vague hunch.

“Hmm… since after I was rescued, I think,” she finally said.

“…I could’ve figured that out, I suppose,” the other girl sighed. “A lot happened after all.”

“Higumin…? What do you mean by that?”

“I execute my right to refuse to testify,” she said while fixing her glasses, as if trying to look even smarter than she already always did.

“Since when are we in a court?! Also, isn’t that just for family members?! Just how did your relationship with Yukkie evolve when I wasn’t around?! I was only gone for like, a day!” Ruka found herself rambling, suddenly feeling probably way more nervous than it was warranted, without any logical explanation for it.

“Those who don’t stick around don’t get to complain about missing out on things,” Higuchi replied. “Suck it up, Kayamori.”

“Come on, that wasn’t my choice! It’s not like I asked to be eaten by a cancer!”

“I don't know about that. You knew you were in a weakened state without your other seraph, why would you engage an enemy you had no information on?”

“That's-” Ruka started, but then fell silent. She didn't actually know why. Back then… Well, there had been a lot on her mind. Maybe she'd been too overwhelmed by all of it and that had clouded her judgment… and since she was the leader, everyone else had just followed her orders. Maybe she'd thought she needed to prove something to herself. Or to everyone. But, at the end of the day…

The only one who could be blamed for that whole commotion was herself, wasn’t it?

“I have nothing to say in my defense,” Ruka admitted without putting up a fight, and only then connected the dots. “Wait, if I say that it just means you were right and I’m once again in the losing position!”

“It’s good that you’re at least self-aware,” Higuchi replied. “Now, can you finally leave? I’ve already wasted enough time on you.”

“But I still haven’t learned anything!”

“Do it on your own then. Maybe if you go bother Izumi instead you’ll eventually figure it out.”

“You bet that’s what I’m gonna do! I’m gonna go find Yukkie and hog her all to myself for the rest of the day!” Ruka said with determination.

“So you were jealous after all,” Higuchi muttered. “Don’t let the door hit you on your way.”

Ruka chose not to respond to her accusation this time and simply got up from her spot and directed her steps towards the exit, stomping her feet like a child.

“Wait.”

“Am I supposed to leave or wait? Pick one, Higumin,” Ruka said with a pout.

“Leave, but only after you tell me something. Are you that bothered by Izumi’s behavior?” Higuchi asked.

She didn’t have to even think about the answer this time.

“No, not at all,” she replied, smiling a little even though she was sulking just a moment ago. “It’s nothing that heavy. I’m just curious.”

“I see. That’s good.”

Ruka wasn’t completely sure, but for a second she thought she could see Higuchi smile too.

“Mhm. Okay, I’ll be off then!” she said, but just when she finally reached the door the other girl’s voice stopped her again.

“You do know there’s nothing like that between me and Izumi, right?”

“Ghk,” Ruka uttered, freezing with her hand on the handle.

She could pretend she had no idea what Higuchi was talking about, that she didn’t know what that unpleasant feeling swirling in her chest whenever someone got too close to Yuki for her liking was, but what would be the point of that? Well, playing dumb could serve as a good distraction and give her a chance to escape, but… Right now, Higuchi was serious, wasn’t she?

Of course, logically Ruka knew there was no way Higuchi and Yuki had that sort of relationship. Neither of them had ever implied that, and… Ruka would like to think that if Yuki actually had feelings for someone, she’d be able to tell… even if she didn’t want that to happen.

But even she knew that this was a pretty selfish thing to wish for. A good friend would probably want Yuki to be happy above anything else… even if not with her.

She couldn’t help it though, so sometimes it slipped out.

“Sorry, Higumin,” Ruka muttered, awkwardly glancing at the other girl over her shoulder to check what expression she was wearing, but… it seemed so gentle, almost uncharacteristically so for someone like Higuchi. Huh…?

“I’m not telling you this because I’m annoyed with you. I’m just clarifying, so you don’t worry yourself dead over it. Humans are fragile animals when it comes to stress, and you’re still needed here after all,” she said, but then gave her the usual smirk again. “Well, it’s still amusing to see it happen though, so don’t blame me for messing with you from time to time.”

Here it goes!

“For a second you being too nice to me had me worried, but you’re still the good old Higumin after all,” Ruka replied, nearly sighing with relief. She'd of course noticed Higuchi had changed too, but the idea of her changing that much was way too scary. “Thank you though. I do know that, but I still appreciate you telling me. And… thank you for looking after Yukkie, too.”

Higuchi’s eyes widened at that. What's so surprising, Higumin…?

“...You're welcome. Just don't make me do that in your stead too often.”

“Got it. I'll do my best,” Ruka said, smiling at her.

“You better do. Now, get out,” Higuchi muttered, waving her off towards the door. It seemed like the conversation was really over this time, so Ruka decided to obey and just leave. She didn’t want to get on her bad side after all, if Higuchi even went out of her way to tell her they weren’t rivals after all.

Once again, she didn’t learn much but that didn’t do anything to dampen the good mood that put her in.

***

“Yukkie, can I wash your back?”

It was no secret that Ruka liked bathing with other people, and probably even less of one that she especially liked doing it with Yuki. Mostly because she really believed it was a great bonding opportunity, but also…

Well, it was also an opportunity to stare. Yes, she had already been told not to multiple times, but as long as she was only taking peeks, it would be fine, right? It was impossible to resist the urge to stare at a girl so attractive after all.

“H-Huh?! W-What are you even asking…?” Yuki stuttered out in response to her question, glancing at her with green eyes opened wide in surprise. “I’m not a child, I can wash myself just fine…”

“But no matter how old you get, it’s always just as hard to reach your back,” Ruka said, not discouraged in the slightest. “And I just feel like doing it, as a way of showing my gratitude to you.”

“This is way too suspicious of an offer to just take it at face value,” the girl muttered.

“Eeeh, come on, you don’t trust me?” she asked with a smile, leaning closer to Yuki, who looked like all she wanted to do was move away. The blush on her face most likely wasn’t caused just by the steam. “I won’t do anything unnecessary, I swear. So, let me?”

For a moment Yuki stayed silent, probably considering the pros and cons of allowing Ruka to touch her naked body out of her own free will, all the while she looked around nervously as if to confirm no one else was around. If Ruka had to be honest, she fully expected the rather shy Yuki to flat out say 'no', so the fact that she didn't was already an achievement in her eyes… Ruka didn't want to pressure her too hard though, so she was about to say she was just kidding, but-

"…Fine. But if you do anything beyond what you're supposed to, I'm leaving," Yuki muttered in a small voice.

She agreed?! No way!

Even if she didn't expect it, Ruka of course wasn't going to complain about getting the permission or back off when shown an opening, so without wasting time she grabbed a bottle of soap and moved to sit behind Yuki with a big smile on her face.

"Don't worry, all I'll do is scrub you squeaky clean," she said happily, squeezing a generous amount of soap onto her own hand. Feeling how cold it was she got an absolutely awful idea that she decided to immediately put into use.

"Only my back and nothing el-" Yuki tried to remind her, but the moment Ruka put her cold hands against Yuki's warm skin, words were forgotten in favor of a high-pitched squeal. "Eeek!"

"Woah, that was an even better reaction than I expected," Ruka mumbled in awe. "I don't think I've ever heard you make a cute voice like that before."

"Just what about it was cute to you?!" Yuki snapped, turning around a little to look at her and at the same time letting Ruka see how red her face was.

"You let your guard down and let me witness a side of you that I haven't before, that alone is cute. You should do that more often," she replied without hesitation. "Well, that and the adorable little squeal you made. I'm kind of glad it's only the two of us here."

"That's just because I got startled! Just what are you thinking about?!"

"Well, let's just go back to the scrubbing part now."

"Don't ignore my concerns!"

"Now, now, relax," Ruka said, beginning to spread and rub the soap over Yuki's soft skin to make bubbles. "You're way too tense."

"That's because… I've never let anyone wash me like that…" the girl muttered in a barely audible voice, making it even more obvious how embarrassed she was. This part of you is cute too, Ruka thought.

"So I'm your first after all? That makes me happy."

"Don't phrase it like that!"

"But we're already practically married, so isn't it fine?"

"It's not! It's not how it works!"

Barely holding back laughter, Ruka gently moved her hands to Yuki's shoulders, feeling the tense muscles. Just like Ruka expected, she was all stiff up there. Well, that probably came with the job of being a genius hacker and doing all the desk work… as well as having to carry the weight of her big breasts everyday. Must be tough.

"W-Wait, what are you doing?" Yuki asked when Ruka gave her a little squeeze.

"Your shoulders are all stiff, so I'm giving you a massage. That still qualifies as your back, right? I'm not touching anywhere else," Ruka said in her defense.

"I-I suppose, but…"

"I just want to do something nice for you, so sit back and chill out," she added, and it seemed like Yuki gave up on objecting and simply did as she was told without another word.

But maybe the silence that settled between them was, unlike any other time, a curse, because now that Ruka's mind wasn't occupied by the conversation anymore, she was back to staring at the naked body of an incredibly attractive girl… even if it was just her back.

An incredibly attractive girl whom she's been touching this whole time, and whom she could feel slowly relax under her hands.

Now that she thought about it, it'd be so easy to use that technique she'd learned from Isuzu to make Yuki answer the question that had been plaguing her mind lately, but… it felt like she'd be betraying Yuki's trust if she did that. Even though she already allowed Ruka this close… She didn't want to ruin it because she got too impatient.

Besides, even though she had been happy to be complimented by Yuki that time when Isuzu had done it… she'd rather hear nice things like that because Yuki wanted her to hear them.

Just a normal shoulder massage it is then, Ruka thought to herself.

Except it didn't really feel normal at all by now.

Yuki's skin was smooth and soft, and so, so nice to the touch. Was it supposed to feel this good to be the one doing the touching? She'd never wondered about that before, even though this was far from the first time for her when it came to washing someone in the baths. She wasn't sure why it felt so different. Did it feel good for Yuki too? She hadn't made a single sound for a while, it was sort of concerning. And… usually Ruka wasn't one to control herself like this, after all they were all girls there, no need to feel awkward about a little slip of hand between friends...

But right now, she really couldn't think that way, and all she could do was admire the sight in front of her… even if she was beginning to wish her permission to touch wasn't limited to just one body part. But it'd be so easy to at least lean down and press her lips against Yuki's shoulder…

Ruka took a deep breath and shook her head just to chase those thoughts away.

It seemed like Yuki had noticed Ruka's strange behavior though, as she looked over her shoulder and gave her a questioning look.

"Is everything alright…?" she asked quietly, as if not trusting her own voice.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just fighting off the impurities in my mind," Ruka replied, avoiding her gaze.

"Y-You… are you mocking me?" Yuki mumbled out, now glaring at her.

Even though I don't mind if you have that kind of thoughts about me too…

"No, no, I'm not," Ruka protested. "Did you seriously think you're the only one having impure thoughts?"

Hearing that, the other girl's expression instantly turned flustered.

"W-What would you even be thinking about?!"

Ruka's eyes scanned Yuki's body, from her flushed face to the outline of her butt.

"…I feel like if I told you you'd never agree to come to the baths with me again."

"Just what are you planning on doing to me?!"

"I wouldn't actually do anything..." she said, gently running her index finger down Yuki's spine and feeling her tremble a little. Oh, this is dangerous. "Unless you want me to."

When Yuki opened her mouth Ruka expected to be yelled at for taking things too far, but… once again, it didn't happen. Actually, nothing happened, as Yuki closed it without any words coming out. Her gaze darted around, looking anywhere but at Ruka herself, her face so red that it was probably a miracle ASS didn't voice its concerns again… but then, their eyes finally met and Ruka could feel her own face heat up and her heart beginning to race.

What's with this cute reaction?! Yukkie, you're supposed to clearly tell me 'no', or else I won't know how far is too far!

There was no way she was actually fine with going any further, even if she didn't say anything, right?! They might be alone, but they were still in a public bath! And even if they weren't, Ruka couldn't imagine Yuki actually allowing it! Was she just stunned into silence…?

And what was Ruka supposed to do now?!

That's when the sound of the door opening made both of them jump in their spots. Ruka had no idea whether to be disappointed or grateful for being spared from having to make any choice.

"Oh, if this isn't the idiots from 31-A. Are we interrupting something?"

"What would we be interrupting? What are you on about again, Higuchi?"

"Higumin… and Ichigo?" Ruka muttered, looking in their direction. She hoped it wasn't too obvious how out of it she still felt.

"Why do you seem so surprised?" Ichigo asked her.

"No, it's just that it's pretty hard to convince Higumin to take a bath with you, so I'm happy for you, Ichigo!"

"What is there to be happy about?!"

"We're just following your advice about how it's a good 'bonding time'," Higuchi said. "I'm not sure if we can do it as well as you and Izumi though."

"W-We didn't do anything! Nothing happened!" Yuki managed to stutter out her first words in a while and Ruka almost sighed with relief. It seemed like things were back to business as usual, which probably meant she hadn't crossed any lines she wasn't supposed to yet.

"What are you so flustered for then?" Higuchi replied, but then just shrugged. "Whatever, this is none of my business."

"Again, what are you guys even talking about…?" Ichigo asked with a frown.

"You don't need to know. I don't want you getting any funny ideas from watching those two."

"You're making zero sense, you know?"

As the two of them bickered between each other Ruka found herself glancing at Yuki, and it looked like the girl got the same idea as their eyes met again. She still seemed a little fidgety, but when Ruka smiled at her she returned the smile. That alone calmed Ruka down.

Maybe she should be more careful next time though. There was no need to rush things after all.

This was really close though!

***

It was nothing new for Ruka to spot Sakuraba Seira engaging in her hobby of people watching, or even tag along if the girl wanted her to, but this…

"Uhm… Saku-chan? Are you sure we should be watching this? What about their privacy?" Ruka asked her as they were both hiding behind a tree, within a safe distance from two girls she couldn't even recognize... They were most likely some staff members.

"What could you possibly mean, Kayamori-san?"

"I mean… this feels like we're about to witness a love confession or something."

"Doesn't it just make your heart beat faster?" the girl simply said, not looking away even for a moment, as if not wanting to miss it.

And well, maybe she wasn't completely wrong about it being a little exciting, but it also felt wrong when they were hiding like that! If it was her friends and they knew she was there Ruka would totally stare, but this was different! But if they tried to leave their hideout now, those girls would totally notice them and their moment would get ruined…

So in the end, all she could do was watch. At least from that distance it was kind of hard to hear what they were saying, but… it wasn't hard to guess that from their reactions.

"What a beautiful display of mutual affection," Sakuraba commented with a content smile as they watched the girls embrace each other. This… definitely didn't feel like just a hug between friends.

"Do you think they're a couple?" Ruka asked, even though she already felt like that was the case without having to ask.

"Do you find that surprising?"

"Well, not exactly… but you still don't see that everyday, right? Two girls in a relationship, I mean."

"As I see it, something like gender should not be an obstacle on the way of love," Sakuraba said in her usual gentle tone. "Don't you agree?"

If it was just about how she felt, Ruka would say she agreed. It's not like she ever had much interest in romance herself, as she'd always been dedicated to music only, but she at least knew what her type was, and it wasn't boys… she also knew she was somewhat of an oddity among girls her age though, or at least it had always seemed safer to assume so. Most people would probably consider this an obstacle in the end.

That's why seeing those two strangers happily walk away while holding hands until they reached the busier street made her feel things that were hard to define, even in her own head.

"Is something bothering you, Kayamori-san?" Sakuraba asked when Ruka failed to answer her previous question.

"Huh? No, not at all. I'm perfectly fine."

"If you need any relationship advice…"

I most definitely don't need one from you, Saku-chan!

"No, really, it's fine," Ruka insisted, trying to think of a way to distract her from that idea. "Oh, right, but you can read my fortune again, if you want to. You weren't entirely wrong about my destined close encounter with a cancer, but since that's in the past, maybe the result will change now!"

"That's… true. I'm actually quite curious about that as well. It'll be 1GP then," the girl said.

"Sure thing."

For a moment they stood there in silence as Sakuraba focused on her crystal ball, and even though this was meant to be just a distraction Ruka found herself a little nervous from anticipation. After all, who'd want to keep hearing that their soulmate was one of the very aliens they were risking their lives to destroy?!

"The results are unclear," Sakuraba muttered after a while.

"Huh?! What do you mean unclear?!" Ruka let out in surprise. "Are you saying it really was just the cancer, and since I narrowly avoided my fate I'm now destined to be alone?!"

"No, that's not it… I don't see you being alone, but I can't see anything clearly either," she explained. "Perhaps it's just that since you managed to change your fate only recently, the stars simply haven't set on a new path yet."

"If they're going to set me on a similarly ominous one again, I think I'll just take the unclear result!"

"Kayamori-san," the girl spoke to her gently. "I don't think you have to worry about being alone. As for who your soulmate is, if you want to know the answer, maybe you should look for it within yourself."

"No, no, thank you, Saku-chan, but I really think I'm good for now," she protested awkwardly. Maybe it did bother her a little, but…

Sakuraba simply smiled at her, as if still content with that response.

"Then, allow me to read your fortune again sometime in the future. When 'for now' isn't enough anymore. Because that time will surely come."

So in the end I'm still spouting whatever she wants to hear?! Or is she really onto something and I just don't fully get it yet?!

"Okay. I will." Ruka still nodded, both because Sakuraba seemed to enjoy doing that and she liked it when her friends were having fun around her, and also because…

Well, she was a little curious as well. Though…

Wasn't it a little scary? The idea of fate choosing your soulmate for you. Ruka thought she'd rather be able to choose her forever partner herself, so maybe it was better if the crystal ball couldn't answer it for her.

(Maybe she was a little afraid that the answer wouldn't be who she wanted it to be.)

***

It wasn't often that Yuki was late for something. Actually, it was basically unheard of, as she was usually the type to even show up early.

That's why when she was nowhere to be seen at the usual time they gathered for dinner at the cafeteria and didn't reply to her message, Ruka decided to go look for her.

She wasn't in her usual spot, or in the library, or in Higuchi's lab. So, the next place Ruka decided to check was their dorm room.

"Yukkie, are you in hereeee?" she called out, sticking her head inside, but then fell silent when seeing the scene in front of her.

No answer to her question came, but not because nobody was inside. It seemed like Yuki had simply fallen asleep.

Closing the door behind herself as quietly as she could, Ruka walked up to Yuki's bed and sat down on its edge, gazing at the girl lying on it. She slept on her side, with her face turned towards the room, as she'd already told Ruka she usually did. Next to her were some complicated-looking documents… What a hard worker. Ruka wondered if these were so boring as to put Yuki to sleep, or she was simply that tired. Whatever the answer was, it would probably be better to put them away, so Ruka gathered them and placed them on the bedside shelf. Yuki didn't even take her glasses off either… It'd be a shame if they got damaged, Ruka thought. She gently pulled the glasses off the girl's face and placed them to the side as well, then returned to simply staring.

Even if Yuki never believed Ruka whenever she said it, it was the truth that she liked to simply look at her when given an opportunity. Yuki was beautiful after all, and it was only natural to want to look at beautiful things, right? Slowly, Ruka reached her hand out to touch Yuki's face. Her fingertips barely grazed the soft skin of Yuki's cheek; she didn't want to wake her up after all, even if she was unable to keep her hands to herself. From her cheek Ruka gently slid her fingers towards Yuki's lips, placing her thumb there. She could feel the warmth of Yuki's breath like this… It was always way too quiet for Ruka's liking, even with her good ears, so at least she could feel it. When she'd first realized just how silent Yuki was when asleep it'd startled Ruka a little, making her wonder if the girl was even still alive… Now Ruka knew she had to be, because otherwise she wouldn't remain the Yuki she knew. So she had to still be breathing.

But Yuki had experienced what it was like the other way around, and not just in her imagination. It was Ruka who'd actually stopped breathing and Yuki who'd done her best to not let her stop being the Ruka she knew.

Ruka's thumb was still resting against Yuki's soft lips. Those lips had once pressed against her own in a desperate attempt to save her life, but Ruka only knew it because Megumi and Tama had told her. She had no memory of it herself… She had no idea how it felt. And while she knew that no amount of teasing could turn CPR into a kiss… Ruka couldn't help but feel a little frustrated at the thought that she was the only one who had no idea, like it was unfair towards her. It made her want to lean down and check right now, when it was Yuki who wasn't awake for it.

But that wouldn't be fair towards Yuki at all, when she'd only done what she could to save her. Unlike Ruka herself, whether Yuki wanted it or not, she couldn't conveniently not remember what had happened. She couldn't just erase her memories of what it was like to know Ruka's heart wasn't beating and unless she did something… that would be it. Over.

Maybe that would be all she'd be able to think about even if Ruka kissed her now. So, no matter how bothered she was by herself missing out, Ruka couldn't do it to her.

But maybe if she kept teasing Yuki about it being a kiss she'd eventually forget. Wasn't there something about a lie repeated a hundred times becoming the truth? Maybe Yuki would forget all about it before Ruka actually got to kiss her. She wanted their actual first kiss to be something happier.

She didn't know why she was so sure it'd eventually happen at all. Maybe it was simply because she wanted it to.

There was about the right amount of space for her to lie down and curl up next to Yuki, so instead of wondering about that anymore she did just that, hoping her movements still wouldn't wake her up. Even just a moment was fine.

They'd slept in the same bed several times already, so this wasn't so different. Ruka had always been the one to fall asleep first though, so she'd never really gotten to stare at Yuki's sleeping face. Usually her expression was always changing because of everyone pulling her leg so often, but right now she looked so peaceful. Ruka kind of wanted to hug her the same way as last time, but if she tried to, Yuki would almost definitely wake up…

When they'd slept together Yuki wouldn't embrace her back. Maybe the girl had been simply too nervous and embarrassed about it, but… a part of Ruka wished she'd have done that though. But it was okay. Even just being allowed to hold Yuki like that was something she cherished, and it felt like progress. Maybe eventually…

…

Sometimes Ruka felt like all she did was want, want and want, and she was never sure how much was too much. What was okay? What was too selfish?

Her gaze wandered to Yuki's lips again. Yeah, this would definitely be too selfish.

After all, it would carry completely different implications than what Yuki had done, and Ruka…

Ruka still felt like she knew very little about love.

For so long it'd been her mom's love that drove her forward, and yet she'd been so quick to doubt it after learning the truth about herself. So quick to assume that the love that had been given to her wasn't meant for her in the first place. That the love she herself had given wasn't enough. In the end she'd turned out to be wrong, but… it'd been so terrifying, to live with those thoughts, even if just for a short while.

The love she had for her friends was different. Easier. Maybe it was because she didn't attach any expectations to it. She was simply happy to be with everyone and laugh with them everyday, and she'd still be even if some of them didn't share her feelings.

What made Yuki so different then? What were the feelings Ruka had for her? They didn't seem as pure.

Sakuraba had told her to look for answers within herself, but she still wasn't sure if she had any. All she wanted right now was to stay right there though, by that girl's side, letting Yuki's warmth spread to her too.

But that wasn't what Ruka had come there for. She was supposed to find her because Yuki had been late, and now both of them were very much late. The thought of that made her laugh a little.

The sound she made was probably the final thing Yuki needed to wake up, as she finally stirred, and then opened her eyes slightly. Upon noticing Ruka's face so close to hers she blinked a couple of times, clearly still not fully conscious. Cute.

"…Am I still dreaming?" she asked quietly.

"What kind of dream were you having…? Now I'm curious. But no. Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," Ruka replied with a smile. "Or maybe rather good evening? And now that I think about it, Snow White is probably more fitting for you, because of your name."

Yuki stared at her blankly for a moment longer, but then it seemed like her sleepy brain finally registered what was happening as she immediately jumped to a sitting position.

"Can I ask you why the hell are you in my bed with me?!" she let out, the quiet tone from a moment ago gone without a trace.

"You were late for dinner, and you didn't respond to my text, so I went to look for you and found you asleep… But you know, Yukkie, you're scarily quiet like that! I can't ever tell if you're still breathing, so I was wondering if I should try to wake you up with a kiss, since I said I'd return the favor and all."

"At least try to shake me awake first without getting weird ideas! Or raise your voice! No need for drastic measures like that! Plus, it wasn't a kiss!" Yuki snapped at her, clearly embarrassed again. "And that still doesn't explain why you're in my bed!"

"It's getting colder and colder outside," Ruka said, scooting a little closer to her and closing her eyes. "I thought staying close to Yukkie like this would warm me up."

Was that going to work? Was it naive to hope it would?

After a moment of silence Ruka felt a gentle touch against her forehead. Surprised, she opened her eyes again to give Yuki a questioning look.

"…You said you were cold, so I thought maybe you were getting sick, but your temperature seems to be fine," the girl explained herself awkwardly, trying to take her hand away already, but Ruka grabbed it before she could and pressed it back against the same spot.

"No, no, check some more, just to make sure," she said. Touch me more. Spoil me some more, she thought.

"I'm pretty sure that no matter how long I check the result will be the same," Yuki sighed, but didn't take her hand away immediately. Her eyes were gentle, too. "And didn't you come here to call me for dinner? If you keep stalling like this, we'll miss it entirely. Are you fine with that?"

"I'm sure there will be something left for us! And if not, there's always the all-you-can-eat rice."

"You want to eat just plain rice for dinner? Did I hear it right?"

"We'll still have access to the kitchen. We can add something to the rice," Ruka suggested.

"Neither of us can cook," Yuki reminded her.

"Which means…?"

"It'd be instant ramen and plain rice today," the girl told her solemnly.

"That's awful! I'd totally flunk tomorrow's training like that!" Ruka whined in response.

"See? Pull yourself together, squad leader. Get up before it becomes your only option."

"Roger, ma'am!" she replied, immediately crawling out of the bed and getting back to her feet.

"Why the formal language…?" Yuki mumbled with a frown, but then simply sighed, following her. "Well, whatever. Let's go."

"Hurry, Yukkie, or else there really won't be anything left for us!"

"And whose fault would that be?!"

There might've been many things Ruka still didn't have an answer for, but there was one thing she was sure of.

Spending time with Yuki like that was so, so precious to her.

She hoped Yuki felt the same about her.

***

"I was asked to help Higuchi with something so I'll be in the lab, if anyone needs anything."

That's what Yuki said before Ruka could even suggest they all do something together… and if she suggested that afterwards, with just the five remaining members of 31-A, it'd feel kind of bad, like they were leaving Yuki out. So, when everyone decided to do their own thing Ruka didn't protest.

Though by some funny coincidence she and Megumi both ended up at the studio together anyway. Ruka of course wasn't going to complain about that, it made her happy that Megumi became so invested in that side gig of theirs that she even frequently practiced on her own… and since they were both guitarists, it was also fun to have a jam session just between the two of them. At this point Megumi really didn't need Ruka's advice, but she'd still happily give her some pointers when asked.

When they were done they ended up at the cafeteria like many times before. Neither of them needed much convincing when it came to a midday snack.

"I wonder if it was something the commander asked them to do, or just Higumin asking for help," Ruka muttered, still a little hung up on Yuki just going off somewhere without them.

"Whatcha on about this time?" Megumi asked, raising her gaze from the piece of cake she was eating and giving her a surprised look.

"Yukkie."

"What, ya disappointed that ya had to hang out with me instead of Izumi today? I see how it is," the girl said, giving her a smile of someone who thought she suddenly understood everything. "Sorry that it's just the good ol' me."

"Huh? What are you talking about? I just kinda wanted everyone in 31-A to hang out together," Ruka corrected her. "But if Yukkie had other plans, I had to change mine as well. It's fine, I had fun."

"Ya say that, but ya totally look like yer sulkin'," Megumi replied. "It didn't show at all when we were at the studio, but now it's a different case. Ain't yer mood changing a little too fast?"

"Look, I'm not sulking, I was just wondering about it, that's all…"

"Because it's Higuchi she's hangin' out with?"

"I'm not jealous! I'm not!" Ruka insisted, maybe a little too loudly, stabbing her own piece of cake with her fork with so much force that it fell apart. "Oh. Oopsie."

"Why protest so much? Usually yer the one whinin' about how yer jealous. When ya deny it like that it only looks more suspicious," Megumi said. It was true, but… but…

I thought I was over it already, okay?!

"Oh, if that isn't the gals in question. Look over there." Megumi pointed towards the entrance to the cafeteria with her chin, and Ruka's gaze wandered in that direction to rest on the two girls who had just shown up.

Yuki and Higuchi.

It didn't seem like they had noticed them, as they were chatting and didn't even as much as glance in their direction.

"Here comes the pouty face again," Megumi said, sounding quite amused. "Are ya even aware yer making it or is it automatic?"

"I'm not doing it on purpose, I swear."

"That's even worse than it'd be if ya were fakin' it. Yer the one who's always hangin' out with a bunch of different people, if ya ask me it's Izumi who has the right to be jealous. Whatcha getting all possessive for?"

…

"Yikes. Ya look like the gears in your head are turnin' but the whole machine ain't going anywhere because some important part is missin'," Megumi commented.

Possessive? Was it what it was?

Ruka fixed her eyes on the table and wondered about it for a moment.

It's not like she wanted to keep Yuki all to herself. Well, maybe she did think that sometimes, but… in a different way. It's not like she didn't want Yuki to have friends other than her, or other than 31-A. She'd always seemed a little lonely, and Ruka knew loneliness all too well, so she'd been trying her best to include Yuki even in things she showed no desire to participate in, to get her to open up at least a little bit... to help her have fun too. And if now Yuki could do it on her own, then it was a good thing. But… Ruka had already gotten attached to the idea of that being her role. A special spot she occupied in Yuki's life.

She didn't want to get fired from it.

"…I guess it just makes me feel a little lonely," she mumbled out, more to herself than to Megumi.

Megumi, who was now staring at her like she just said something completely inane.

"I really don't like that expression," Ruka said with a frown.

"Then stop sayin' stuff that forces me to make it. What are ya, a moron?"

"Hey, that's mean!"

"That was far from mean in this situation. Sometimes I really wonder how that brain of yers even works," the girl said, but then she shrugged. "Well, whatever. Ya shouldn't worry so much. It's probably good for Izumi to hang out with someone on her level from time to time so she doesn't go completely mad around us."

"What do you mean…?" Ruka asked.

"Whaddya mean 'whaddya mean'? Ain't it pretty obvious Izumi's way smarter than the rest of us, if we leave out awakened Tojo? It's good she has a similarly smart buddy."

"Oh, so it's kinda like me and Megumin!" she commented cheerfully.

"Now hold it right there," the girl replied immediately. "That feels like somethin' I should feel insulted by."

"Why?"

"Because it's like yer callin' me a moron!"

"It's you who said that, not me. You're the one calling me a moron," Ruka responded with a pout. "But weren't you also the one to say that 'moron' is just another word for 'unique'?"

"That was just to cheer Tama up! And gettin' called a moron by Izumi is sorta different from gettin' called a moron by another moron!"

"So we're both morons in the end?"

For a couple of seconds Megumi just stared at her with a scandalized look on her face, but then sighed.

"Yeah. We're morons."

"I see. Thanks for being the friend on my level that I can always count on, Megumin," Ruka said with a smile."

"I really don't know if I should be happy about hearin' that…" the girl laughed in defeat. "But if there's anything still botherin' ya, I'll hear ya out, I suppose."

Ruka wondered if she should even ask about that. She had already asked Higuchi after all, and the girl had told Ruka that she hadn't really noticed anything, but… Megumi could be shockingly perceptive at times, and ever since she had come back to the squad Ruka could see that she and Yuki were getting along really well, which made her happy too.

“I guess there is something like that… Say, Megumin. Have you noticed if Yukkie is acting any differently lately?” Ruka finally mumbled out.

“Huh? Are ya seriously asking me, after the conversation we just had? Ain't ya the one stickin' to her like glue?” Megumi pointed out. “First it's ya sulkin' about her hangin' out with Higuchi, now this… Did ya have a fight or somethin'?”

“No, it’s really not that… Actually, it’s like the opposite!” she said in response. “She seems… how do I put it… well, not nicer, because I think she’s always been really nice, but… I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you!”

“What’s the opposite of a fight?”

“Huh?” Ruka uttered in confusion.

“Ya said it’s like the opposite, but what’s the opposite of a fight?” Megumi elaborated, seemingly just as confused. “Did ya two take another step or what?”

“A step to where…?”

“Y’know… towards adulthood,” she said, completely seriously.

Eh?

“Eeeeh!?” Ruka let out a shriek, getting up from her chair so suddenly she almost toppled it over. “Nothing like that happened!”

It’s true that my mind sometimes goes there, but it's all in my head! We haven’t even kissed properly yet! Once again, CPR doesn’t count!

“What are ya yellin' for? If yer frustrated, take it up with Izumi. Why are ya gettin' mad at me?” Megumi asked with a frown.

“Because you’re derailing the conversation, Megumin!”

“Right, that’s usually yer specialty. And it’s ya who started talkin' about Izumi to me, don’t put the blame on me.”

"Yes, but the context was different!"

"I don't really know what to tell ya though," Megumi said. "A lot happened recently. Feels like plenty of us are acting a little different, y'know? Even ya, Ruka. That's why I can't exactly pinpoint what ya mean."

"I… see," Ruka muttered in response. Maybe Megumi was onto something.

"Not sayin' it's a bad thing," she replied with a reassuring smile. "Ya said it too, about Izumi. But if it's so noticeable to ya in particular… Well, if I were to guess, I think she's probably happy yer fine now, so maybe it shows."

…

"Huh?"

"Whaddya mean 'huh', huh?" Megumi gave her a confused look again, even though Ruka was the one who felt caught off guard. "Ya haven't thought of that?"

"I… don't know."

The girl stared at her for a moment, then sighed again.

"Maybe I shouldn't blame ya. I could see the last couple of weeks were rough for ya. I was there after all," she said. "But y'know… that short time we thought ya were gone, it was rough for all of us too. Sorry, obviously ya know that, I'm not blamin' ya for that either. But since Izumi's the one closest to ya… don't ya feel like it's a given it'd hit her the worst?"

Ruka wasn't sure what to say. Saying she hadn't thought about it would probably make her look stupid. Or inconsiderate. Of course, she realized she'd caused a lot of trouble for everyone, and she'd made sure to thank everyone for joining forces to save her, but… she hadn't really thought about how those closest to her had to feel in those moments, because all's well that ends well, right?

"…It sounds like I made Yukkie sad," Ruka said quietly.

"That's… probably puttin' it lightly. I've never seen her that upset before," Megumi replied hesitantly, as if she wasn't sure if she should be telling her that at all. "She was the last person I expected to see yellin' at the commander."

"Yukkie did…?"

"Mhm. At first we had no idea if there was even a chance of rescuin' ya. They said they couldn't detect any biological signals, so the logical conclusion was that ya were dead. So, they said there were no plans of puttin' together a rescue mission… That it was most likely too late anyway," she continued, almost reluctantly. Ruka expected as much though. No good commander would send their soldiers on a mission with no chance of success. She couldn't hold that against anyone. "None of us had a good reaction to that, but Izumi… she refused to let them just say yer dead. She begged the commander to not abandon ya, even if it seemed like a lost cause."

Something about what Megumi just said… had a familiar ring to it. Not in a good way.

"How can you just call off the search like that?! It's like… saying my child is already dead!"

The moment Ruka's brain made that connection she could feel her stomach turn. That memory was still fresh in her mind, even if she'd already accepted the past was in the past now. Back then she hadn't been her mom's daughter yet though. It'd hurt to watch, but those tears, those words… she hadn't been the cause for them. She'd simply filled the gap left afterwards.

But this was different.

The one Yuki had refused to give up on no matter what the situation had looked like… was her. The copy. The fake. The Kayamori Ruka that she had become, or whatever else you could call it. Just her.

Did she really unknowingly make Yuki go through something like that due to her own carelessness? No way, right? It couldn't be…

"Well, I don't really know what happened later. We sorta split up." Megumi's voice interrupted her thoughts. "I was stickin' together with Tama, I didn't want her to be alone at a time like that… Tojo and Karrie came back to us soon too, but Izumi went off somewhere on her own. I only saw her again when we got summoned because they discovered ya might be alive after all, and she took command of us better than anyone else could. And let me tell ya, she was pretty damn cool while doin' so. Even Shirakawa seemed impressed."

"I wouldn't even dare to doubt that, it's Yukkie after all," Ruka said, smiling at the last comment.

"But?"

"What 'but'?"

"Ya still seem… unsatisfied, or somethin'?"

…

"Uhm… It's just…" she mumbled. "Yuina-senpai, Higumin, you… It feels like everyone has seen a side of Yukkie that I never have. It makes me feel a little jealous… But I already got told that those who don't stick around don't get to complain about missing out, so I won't do that."

"Is that all ya retained from all my yappin'?!"

"No, of course not. I thought about everything very seriously."

"And this is what ya choose to say?! I can't see yer thought process! And has anyone ever told ya ya get jealous over the weirdest stuff?!"

"I don't think it was ever an issue before… Or at least I don't remember that. I don't have any memories from before middle school after all. I'm basically baby?" Ruka said, making the most innocent face she possibly could.

"Baby, my ass. What about all the times ya acted like a total pervert?" Megumi threw back at her.

"Isn't that normal? I'm a growing girl after all."

"Yer not doin' any growin' and ya know that!"

"Oh, but I am. In my heart."

"That has nothin' to do with puberty makin' ya act up! It's always one nonsense after another with ya!" Megumi snapped, but then, without even giving Ruka a chance to reply, her expression melted into a smile. "But it's seriously such a relief to see ya bein' the same as always, ya have no idea."

"Megumin…"

"And Izumi probably thinks the same. That it's good to have ya back," she added.

Hearing that, Ruka once again looked in the direction of the table where Yuki and Higuchi were sitting, smiling a little too.

Are you happy to be with me, Yukkie? Is that it?

If so, I'm happy too.

She felt like she had a lot more to think about now though.

***

The area around the mortuary was completely empty at that time of the day. Well, that much was to be expected, it was way past dusk already, and it wasn't exactly a place that attracted crowds to begin with.

It was one of the reasons why Ruka was there though, sitting on the bench in the corner of the plaza. She simply wanted some time to think on her own. On the other hand, she didn't feel like being alone either, and the narbies peacefully hopping around were pleasant enough of a company.

But even though she came there to think, she was aware that it wasn't really her forte. Often it felt like she was walking in circles if left to her own devices.

She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there before she heard the sound of quiet footsteps from the direction of the path leading back to the Main Street.

Ruka would recognize those footsteps anywhere.

"So this is where you were after all," Yuki said, stopping a few meters away from the bench.

"Were you looking for me, Yukkie?" Ruka asked, a little surprised.

"Well… I guess. It's pretty late and you still haven't returned to the dorms, so everyone was worried. I'm not sure why I was the one they sent to go find you, but here I am," the girl muttered in response, looking somewhat awkward.

"I see. I was planning on going back in a moment, so no need to worry," she said, smiling at her. "But if you're here, come sit with me for a bit."

Yuki did as she was asked to, approaching the bench and taking a seat next to her.

"What were you doing here in the first place?"

"Visiting."

"Visiting…? Who?"

"Hmm. Everyone, I suppose. Those we knew, and those we didn't know," Ruka said. Everyone who is no longer around. "I had some things I wanted to tell them."

"…What kind of things?" Yuki asked, sounding a little worried.

"That I still won't be joining them yet, and hopefully not for a long time, because I still have a lot of things I want to do," she replied cheerfully, and it seemed like that made Yuki relax.

"Oh? Like what?"

"Well, saving the world comes first, of course."

"And then?"

"I want to go on a tour around the country with the new She is Legend!"

"That one is new to me, even though I'm a member too," Yuki muttered with a frown. "Do I have any say in that matter?"

"Is that a no, bandleader?"

"No, I didn't say that… But if we really were to do that, I know a lot of the organizing would probably be up to me, so it's good I learned about it now so I have some time to plan ahead… And you, why are you laughing?!"

"I'm just happy you're taking your role as the bandleader so seriously. As always, you're the best, Yukkie."

"…I-If you say so," Yuki said, sounding a little flustered. "Anything else you want to do that I should know about?"

"Hmm. There's something, but that's still a secret."

"A secret, you say… Will you tell me one day?"

"Mhm! One day, I will for sure." Ruka nodded.

Since you don't seem to want to hear that yet as we are now.

"Take your time, then," Yuki replied with a sigh. "Is that all?"

"Regarding my plans?"

"No. Regarding the reason why you're sitting here alone in the dark."

Ruka wondered about what she should say to that for a moment.

"Well, I was also thinking about something."

"I see."

A moment of silence.

"You don't want to know what it's about?" Ruka asked her, somewhat disappointed, but at the same time it was a very Yuki thing to do, to always give Ruka space if she wasn't comfortable with something.

"I wasn't going to pry, in case you didn't want me to…"

"No, I really don't mind," she said, but still paused for a moment, looking up at the starry sky. As always, it was so vast, making her feel so small. Then, she turned back towards Yuki. "I was thinking… when you can't believe in your own worth, it's so easy to be blind to how loved you are, isn't it?"

Hearing that, Yuki's eyes widened.

"Ruka-"

Before she could come to any conclusions on her own, Ruka slid her hand to the side over the bench and placed it over Yuki's, hoping she wouldn't take her hand back.

She didn't do it.

"Thank you for sticking with me through that, even though I've caused a lot of trouble. I'm really grateful," she said.

"…You don't need to thank me for that," Yuki replied. Ruka didn't really know how to interpret her expression. "I already told you I want to keep supporting you… So, I'll stick with you through thick and thin."

"Mhm. You did say that. But I still wanted to thank you."

"…It's me who should be thanking you," the girl mumbled out.

What for, Yukkie? I haven't really done anything.

"Then I guess we're just mutually grateful to each other. Isn't that awesome?" Ruka said softly instead of questioning her.

Yuki looked like she wanted to keep protesting, but… in the end, she didn't. The troubled look stayed on her face though. But-

"I guess it is," she replied in the end, her expression softening too.

"It totally is! So, thank you for everything up until now, and in the future too. Because knowing me, I'll keep causing trouble to you, even if I don't mean to."

"As long as it's nothing of this scale again, I think I can bear with it," the girl sighed.

"I was told you were really cool as the squad leader during the rescue operation though," Ruka replied with a grin. "But I'm sorry for leaving that sort of responsibility to you all of a sudden, Yukkie. I'll try not to do it again."

"…It's not about that," she said quietly, catching Ruka off guard. "I'll be the squad leader anytime you need me to, as long as I know you'll come back and take your job back from me."

"Yukkie…?"

The girl just shook her head.

"It's nothing," she muttered. "But, Ruka… If… If you really didn't come back, what would you want me to do?"

If I didn't come back…?

Yukkie, are you asking me what I'd want you to do if I died…?

Ruka felt like this was something she had kinda thought of before. Back when she had been so pointlessly trying to change the past to save the real Kayamori Ruka's life, she'd briefly thought about how if she succeeded and ended up disappearing, maybe Yuki would've been the one to lead 31-A in her stead. But… this wasn't what Yuki was asking about right now, right? Ruka instinctively knew that even if she hadn't told her to do it, Yuki would've still taken over from where she'd left off, that she wouldn't have abandoned 31-A.

And yet, she'd still asked and was now waiting for an answer.

What would I want for Yukkie if I could no longer be there with her?

Ruka knew what the answer was, and ironically, it was the exact opposite of what she had thought when talking to Higuchi... and yet it made her feel no less terrible.

"I think… I'd just want Yukkie to be happy, even if it's not with me," she said, aware how weak her voice sounded, but still trying to smile at Yuki. "But wouldn't that be selfish of me? Since I would be the one making you sad."

Yuki's eyes widened at that, and for a moment she just stared at her in silence.

Then, she gave Ruka a smile.

A stunningly beautiful smile. One Ruka still couldn't help but think it was the loneliest smile she'd ever seen.

Why? I'm right here with you, Yukkie. I'm not going anywhere, she thought. Did she really have the right to say that though? When the whole issue was that she'd almost died just a little while ago?

"No, I don't think it would be. Or maybe it would? But… I think we have the right to be selfish sometimes," Yuki replied, but-

Why are you looking at me like you want to say I'm asking for something impossible?

Yukkie, just how much did I…

"This was just a hypothetical question anyway. It's not like it matters now, so don't think about it too hard," Yuki added, probably able to read what was going on in her head from her face. "But… tell me one thing."

"What is it…?"

"Were you… happy to be saved?" the girl asked hesitantly. "Were you happy that I… that we made it in time?"

Oh, this one is easier.

When Higuchi had asked her if her close encounter with death made her experience any grand revelations, Ruka really hadn't had any answers for her. Maybe back then she'd earned her right to wonder about the questions she'd included in She is Legend's latest song… Why was I born? Why did I keep living? But even if she'd pondered over that in her dreams, she couldn't remember it anymore.

What had left the strongest impression on her amidst all of that hadn't been nearly dying though. It'd been waking up, still alive, hearing a familiar voice calling out her name, urging her back. Wake up. Ruka, wake up. It'd been opening her eyes, her vision still a little blurry, with the first thing she could see being Yuki, her face covered in dirt and tears, and yet still smiling at Ruka, the rays of morning sun making the girl look more beautiful than ever. I finally saved you, she had said.

And just that, for the first time in a while… It'd made Ruka feel glad to be alive.

So, turning towards Yuki more, she gently took both of her hands in hers. It was those hands that had dragged her back from death's door… Without thinking much, she brought them to her lips, placing a kiss against Yuki's knuckles.

"R-Ruka?! W-What are you-"

"I was so happy I can't even find the words to describe it," she said, making Yuki frown again.

"I sure hope that's a good thing..."

"It is!" Ruka laughed. "Yukkie, can I hug you?"

"H-Huh? W-Why?" Yuki stuttered out, and even in the dark Ruka could tell her face immediately flushed red.

"Just feeling like it," she replied. "Can I?"

"Well, I-I guess it's not like you can't…" the girl mumbled, and Ruka knew her well enough already to know it was a permission. So, she let go of Yuki's hands only to reach out and pull her closer, into her arms.

Ruka loved being able to hold her like that, even if she could still feel Yuki stiffen as Ruka wrapped her arms around her. It was okay. She'd get her used to it eventually, because she couldn't imagine holding herself back from doing this more.

She could feel Yuki tremble a little, and for a moment Ruka wondered if she'd cry. A part of her wished Yuki would. Not because she wanted to see her sad, of course, that was never the case… But she wanted Yuki to trust her enough to let her see that side of her too, and be there for her to make her laugh again. She wanted Yuki to open up to her too… but it wasn't like Ruka didn't understand how hard that could be. So, even though Yuki didn't cry, Ruka held her tightly, trying to convey what she didn't know how to say. I'm here for you.

"Don't go anywhere again. Stay by my side, forever and ever."

Her memories of hearing those words were hazy, her consciousness still a little fuzzy back then, but she had still committed them to memory.

It's not like Ruka didn't want that as well. Of course she did. But she also knew it wasn't something she could promise Yuki so easily, because if she ended up breaking a promise like that, if she ended up letting Yuki down again… she'd never be able to forgive herself, no matter what she'd become next.

She'd almost died once already after all. Her breath had stopped. Her heart had stopped. She was still alive thanks to the girl she was holding in her arms.

She knew something like that could happen again. They simply lived in a cruel world like that.

What had been going on through her head back then, when she'd faced that cancer with only one sword in her hand? Nothing. Fighting came to her instinctively at this point and her body had just reacted on its own. But, if she were to guess now what thought had motivated her, it'd be I have to protect everyone. Had she been given a chance to redo that moment, she would've tried to be more careful, but she would've done the same thing again.

And if she was ever forced to choose between Yuki's life and her own, she knew she'd choose Yuki in a heartbeat, even if the girl ended up resenting her for it.

That's why Ruka couldn't promise her she'd never leave her, as long as the war was still going. All she could do was keep trying her hardest, fighting the best she could, so that the day when they were finally safe could come, and Ruka could tell Yuki herself, please, be with me always, stay with me forever and ever.

Was it okay for her to be this happy about the fact that someone cherished her this much then, even though she felt like she wasn't giving Yuki even nearly enough in return?

Was it okay for her to be this happy that they were still together?

That's when she felt a pair of arms finally embrace her back, so tightly that it startled her a little at first, but then… it immediately made her feel safe. A hand made its way into Ruka's hair, stroking her head gently, giving her the impression that she was being treated a bit like a child, but… she didn't mind. So, she let herself be held too, breathing in Yuki's scent, enjoying her warmth.

I wanted to comfort you, but now I feel like I ended up being the one being comforted instead...

"I'm just… so glad you're fine, Ruka," Yuki whispered close to her ear. "So glad."

…

As long as Yuki wanted her there, it had to be okay.

"Me too," she replied honestly.

Thank you.

They stayed like that for a while. She knew it couldn't had been that long, because Yuki wouldn't let them sacrifice their valuable rest time, but she was still grateful even for those few moments.

"We should head back to the dorms," Yuki predictably said in the end.

"Mhm. I know, but…"

"But?"

"There's still something I want to tell someone. So, I'll need a few more minutes," Ruka said, pulling away from her reluctantly.

"I see. Okay, just don't take too long," Yuki replied without questioning her, in her usual manner. Ruka could tell the girl still wanted to say something more though. "Do you… want me to wait for you?"

She couldn't help but smile at that.

"Mhm. Thank you. I'll try to make it quick."

And so, Yuki got up from the bench. Already missing her warmth, for a moment Ruka watched her walk away, trying to judge how far she had to be in order to not hear whatever she was about to say… When Ruka finally deemed the distance to be safe, she raised her hand into her hair, gently running her fingertips over the red hairpins there.

"Hi, mom," she spoke quietly, closing her eyes. "I don't know if you can hear me from where you are now, but can I talk to you for a bit like this? I don't need a response, just listen."

Of course there wouldn't be a response, but… she thought that maybe saying her thoughts out loud would help her sort them out, and… Ruka hoped that maybe somehow those words could still reach her.

"Remember how I told you I have a lot of friends now? I love all of them, but… there actually is someone who is special to me. It's not a boyfriend though. She's a girl after all… but I have a feeling that even if you were surprised, you wouldn't mind. Well, it's not like I could give you grandkids anyway," she said with a quiet laugh. "Her name is Yuki, but I call her Yukkie. I think you'd like her… I mean, who wouldn't? She's a genius hacker, so she's really smart, way smarter than me. She always helps me with everything I'm bad at. She's also really good at coming up with retorts to all the stupid stuff I say. It's so fun, I always end up annoying her on purpose just to force a reaction out of her... She always looks after me, and somehow always, always knows what to say to cheer me up when I'm feeling down… a bit like you did. She's really pretty, too, but never seems to believe me when I tell her that, or compliment her in general... I hope she'll believe me one day though, because I like pretty much everything about her. And… she's my fan. She's been one since waaay back. I know you probably wouldn't give up the title of my biggest fan without a fight, but… I think you'd happily let her be the runner up, because… Mom, she's the proof that you were right. She said that my music had saved her. It made me feel so glad that I'd actually debuted..."

Ruka paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. She was kind of rambling after all.

"After you left… I didn't really know who I was singing for anymore, so I quit. I'm sorry," she continued. "But… Yukkie said she still wanted to hear me sing. So I tried again. At first, when I joined the Seraph Squadron, I didn't know what I was fighting for either, what I should believe in… and Yukkie told me to believe in her, so I did. Now, I know I'm singing for everyone who wants to listen, and fighting to protect everyone who needs to be protected. I love singing, but fighting's still a tough job, no matter how you look at it… but I think I can keep doing my best at both… because I know Yukkie is here with me."

Even though nobody was around to hear her, in the end it was still a little embarrassing to say all of that out loud.

"I still don't know if I can make her happy. Probably not, the way I am now… I can still be such a brat sometimes. And I feel like I still don't really understand love all that well, mom. I wish I could introduce her to you, and maybe I could use that advice we talked about after all, but… I know I'll have to be a big girl now and figure it out on my own."

But maybe that's what makes it so precious. The fact that this is something that could only happen now, something that belongs only to me… because I'm the only me Yukkie has ever known. So I want to be the me worthy of her love.

If it hadn't been for this cruel world, the two of them would've probably never met. In that case, was it strange to be so happy that they had still met, even if it was in the middle of this season of tragedies? Whether it was fate, or just an amazing coincidence, it didn't matter. Either way, it was a miracle.

"That's all I wanted to say for now, so thanks for listening. I have to go. She's still waiting for me over there, so I'll be off now," Ruka concluded, getting up as well, directing her steps towards where she expected Yuki to be waiting without looking back.

She found the girl sitting on the bench by the wall, right where the woodway started.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. Let's go back now," Ruka said with a smile. "Hey, hey, Yukkie."

"What is it now?" the other girl asked.

"Want to hold hands on the way back?"

"W-Why would we do something like that…?"

"So we don't lose each other in the dark. There's no lamps here all the way until we reach the Main Street." Ruka made up an excuse. It always seemed easier for Yuki to give in when she had one. "So, shall we?"

Saying that, she extended her hand towards the other girl, hoping she'd take it.

And she did. Looking away shyly the whole time, but she did.

No matter how many things she was still hiding from Ruka, she was pretty sure Yuki acted this way only towards her, and that was something she treasured.

"Have it your way," she muttered, squeezing Ruka's hand a little as Ruka pulled her along. "But only until we reach the Main Street."

"I doubt anyone except for us is still outside at this time, so even if we stay like that all the way till we reach the dorms, nobody will see us."

"Y-You can't know that for sure! People could be outside for all kinds of reasons!"

"Hmm, I guess. Let's try to be really sneaky if we see anyone then."

"Or you could just let go when I tell you to."

"Eeeh? But I don't want to," she said, making her best puppy-dog eyes at Yuki.

Ruka had a feeling the other girl didn't want to let go either, so there was no harm in pushing her luck a bit. There was no way to tell when she'd get a chance like that again.

"Ngh. Fine! Fine!" Yuki gave in even faster than she expected. "But if we run into anyone, you're going to do it without complaining!"

"Okaaay, as you wish!"

It was all dark around them, and the autumn nights really were getting cold now, but the warmth of the hand she was holding in hers was making her step forward with confidence again, and the next day morning would come just as it always did.

So, let's keep going, however far we'll have to walk. Together.