Work Text:
Eddie had just taken his first drag of his first cigarette in 4 hours when his Uber alert pinged. He sighed harshly through his nose as he snubbed the cigarette out for later.
‘Better not be another fucking McDonald’s..swear to fucking god..’ he mumbled to himself as he fished his phone out of his pocket.
Eddie nearly dropped the thing when he thumbed the alert open and was greeted with an order for the one establishment he’d been dying for someone to purchase from since he started delivering 5 months ago.
‘Yesss’ he hissed as he confirmed the pick-up.
Eddie solemnly saluted his phone as he clamped it into the holder on his handlebars and swung his leg over,
‘Fear not, Steve H. Your dildo is on its way!’
***
Steve kind of couldn’t believe he’d just done that.
Once he saw the pick-up confirmed by an Eddie M. he exited the app and threw his phone clear across the room onto the couch like it had burnt him, and resumed his panic-pacing.
He was going to kill Robin. And not fast, this didn’t deserve a swift, crime-of-passion throttling, this called for a slow, sustained poisoning. He would savour her demise. She had gotten in his head just like she always did and now he was alone and tipsy and a stranger was about to hand deliver him a motherfucking dildo..
‘Steverfucking dildo’ he snorted before groaning, he couldn’t believe he was about to become a statistic-
‘Gimme four margaritas, I’ma put it in my tush, for sure’ he toasted as he chugged another pint of water.
He definitely needed to sober up before he started shoving foreign objects in his asshole.
‘Dammit, Buckley!’ he cursed her name again.
To say this was an impulsive choice based on the night's events was both correct and also deeply incorrect.
It all began five years ago when Steve had tried to seduce a co-worker at a terrible summer job and instead of a date he had gained a soul-mate-slash-queer-guru in one Robin Buckley. Over those five years Robin had taken a small-town, sheltered jock, painstakingly sifted through baklava-layers of WASP’y repression and shame to excavate the Steve Harrington now nervously pacing his apartment, awaiting delivery of his very first dildo.
At first Steve was just Robin’s token straight. He’d ward guys off her at Straight Bars, wing-man women for her at Gay Bars and just generally absorb all the love and commitment Robin had to give like some kind of emotionally-parched, desert cactus of a man. But a few years into their soul-mate-friendship, during a particularly illuminating and shitfaced game of Truth or Dare, Steve had revealed he’d long been interested in the idea of being penetrated. Robin had slapped his peachy ass and declared it ‘beggin’ for a peggin’ and before Steve knew it he had said-
‘Store-bought or home-grown, I’m not a picky man.’
And Steve swears he smelt burning as the gears in Robin Buckley’s already hyperactive brain, kicked into the kind of speed that fucked the Titanic. All at once he had his soul-mate plastered against his prone body, shrieking into the back of his head,
‘DID YOU JUST FUCKING COME OUT TO ME?!’
The rest of that night was dedicated to eating a medically inadvisable amount of fried cheese products and unpacking Steve’s budding bisexuality.
From that point on Robin was a dog with a bone about getting Steve dogged with a bone. But it was slow, slow, glacial going. In fact, Steve had almost resolved himself to never exploring the full spectrum of his sexuality, aside from inside his own thoughts, when Ro happened.
Which brings events back to this evening.
Steve had come directly from work to meet Robin at a bar so they could celebrate her last class of the semester, and there, amongst her classmates, slamming shots and dancing was Ro.
Ro, a fellow art-student on Robin’s programme in the city she and Steve moved to as soon as Robin graduated Hawkins High summa cum laude (‘neva cum virgin’, as Steve had called her… He still has the scar on his forearm where she scratched him in retaliation).
Ro was hot, in a really gross, insufferable art-bro, kind of way.
He had box-black, slicked-back hair, with one tendril kissing his forehead. His eyes were lined in kohl, his ears bedecked in silver, his nails were a chipped black and his jaw could bite through concrete and when his grey eyes landed on Steve and stuck, Steve became a blushing, stammering idiot.
Robin barely suppressed an ecstatic squeal over them finally cracking Steve’s ‘type’.
She’d been throwing clean-cut, gym-in-the-morning, job-at-daddy’s-company boys at Steve, assuming he’d be vain enough to want to fuck a version of himself. But none of them had ever made it beyond polite conversation, prompting deep frustration for Robin.
Now it turns out, just like every spoiled princess, Steve yearned for a grungy boy in a second-hand coat to piss off his dad and smudge his lipstick. Metaphorically.
Ro made a beeline for Steve and stood entirely too close to him under the pretense of speaking directly into his ear, lips brushing the shell, susurration going directly to Steve’s dick.
If pressed, Steve wouldn’t be able to recall a single thing Ro said to him all night.
In Steve’s defence Ro had largely spoken about his inspirations, his art practice, the mediocrity of his peers and all in the tone and cadence of someone asking you to choke on it like a good girl.
So Steve could be forgiven for ignoring the content to obsess over the effect, your honour.
Eventually bored of his own conversation, Ro had steered Steve onto the dancefloor and proceeded to slowly grind against his ass regardless of the pace or vibe of the song playing. Steve didn’t give a fuck, he felt like they could have dry-humped to the Pledge of Alliegance at this point, it was hot as fuck.
Emboldened by Ro’s obvious interest in him, Steve had turned in his arms and caught his pierced lips in a soft but purposeful kiss. Ro had returned the kiss like he was trying to mold Steve’s lips into the perfect receptacle.
Anytime Steve attempted to drive the kiss, Ro’s mouth would beat him back into submission with hard presses and firm lips, which Steve didn’t necessarily hate? But he wouldn’t have minded Ro loosening up that load-bearing jaw a degree and softening his lips somewhat.
When Ro’s hands, planted firmly in Steve’s back pockets, started encouraging a truly pornographic undulation against his own thigh, Steve broke the kiss.
‘Do you maybe wanna take this somewhere more private?’ Steve mumbled into Ro’s heavily decorated ear.
‘Sure thing, Doll, wanna meet me in the toilets? Big disabled stall in the corner is usually free,’
Ro rasped back.
And. See. The thing is Steve was no prude. Far from it. He’d fucked in a toilet before, a country-club one! Whilst his parents sat violently ignoring each other back at the table. But. This was his first…anything with a man and a part of him (a huge, gaping, romantic part, the main part, his whole part) kind of thought that was special and warranted time and space and maybe being horizontal in a bed and not being within earshot of strangers pissing? Ro interpreted his hesitation as prissiness,
‘Oh, is Dolly too good for the pisser, huh?’
‘No! No, it’s not that, nothing like that it’s just- well, see, I don’t live far is all, so we could just, y’know, Uber back to mine? Maybe?’
Steve stumbled out, very suavely.
‘Wow, does he need rose petals and candles too?’ Ro laughed ‘Bed’s only good for virgins and girlfriends, Dolly, and you’re not one of those are you now?’
‘...Wellll’ Steve huffed out with a self-deprecating laugh.
Ro recoiled like Steve’d told him he’d shit himself.
‘Jesus, you’re not a fucking virgin are you?!’ he said with no small measure of palpable disgust.
‘N-No! No! Not a virgin- it’s a social construct anyway? Isn’t it? That’s what Robin says, the idea of virginity… I have definitely had sex. Before. Just never…never with-’
‘Never with a man, huh, Doll?’ Ro said wryly.
‘No.’ Steve sighed out.
‘Well, as alluring as it is to boldly go and all that, virgins aren’t really my forte. Too much hand-holding and kid gloves for my tastes I’m afraid, Dolly. Why don’t you hit me up once you’ve had something up that delightful ass of yours and we’ll see what we can do about continuing this,’
Ro said as he lazily swung a finger back-and-forth between himself and Steve.
Without waiting for Steve to respond, or even trying to get Steve’s number to facilitate a continuation after Steve’s maiden voyage had been… Bon voyaged… Ro spun around and slinked his way back off the dancefloor and over to the bar.
Steve went to find Robin so he could check on his friend like a good person and definitely not so he could bury his face in her button-up and get sympathy head-pets for his failure to launch.
Robin’s button-up, it turns out, was already occupied, getting felt-up by the sweet, peppy blonde from Robin’s pottery class…Missy? Sissy? Something like that, Steve should remember by now, the amount Robin waxed lyrical about the girl.
Steve couldn’t ruin this for her, because Robin actually was a good person and would absolutely leave immediately with Steve, and eat ice-cream on his couch and watch Hannibal for the millionth time if he told her he’d struck out with Ro. So he slapped a sleazy smile on and sidled up beside her as the girls broke for air to say,
‘Cutting out early, babe. Got a sure thing I’m about to take to a secondary location’
‘EW! Don’t use kidnapper lingo when you’re about to get bounced like a bad check.’
She screeched.
Man, she was drunk, maybe he should actually be getting her home.. Just then Crystal? CHRISSY! Appeared at Robin’s elbow with two cups of water and a lovesick grin.
‘Hi Steve! So nice to finally meet you! Robin talks about you so much I feel like we’re already friends.. In a totally not weird-stalkery kind of way!’
Cute.
She was cute.
And decidedly more sober than Robin.
‘Don’t worry about this one, I’ll make sure she drinks plenty more water and gets home safe’
Chrissy continued, as she slung an arm around Robin’s waist.
‘Sleepover Steve! Chrissy said I could come back to hers for a non-platonic, girl sleepover!’
Robin yelled whilst also scissoring her fingers together and slopping water everywhere.
‘Wow. Chrissy is a saint, in that case, with very questionable taste.’ Steve deadpanned.
‘LIES! SLANDER! He wanted me once, Chrissy! So bad. I am excellent taste, I taste excellent,’
Robin leered at a giggling Chrissy.
Steve heard a murmured,
‘I bet,’
before they were necking again and he took that as his cue to leave immediately before he could live to regret his ability to both see and hear.
‘OK! Good to know! So, imma head out and I will expect a travelling-text AND home-call from you both…don’t make me track you down Liam Neesons style at 2am, OK? OK!’
Steve said as he clapped his hands once, midwesternly.
‘Aye-Aye, Captain!’
Robin saluted,
‘Wouldn’t want you to have to abandon your dicking just to avenge me. Not when we’ve both worked so hard for this day, my little Stevia,’
she pouted mockingly as she pinched his cheeks like a drunk aunt.
He slapped her hands away, laughingly and pressed a kiss to her head before backing away, waving to her and Chrissy.
He didn’t drop his smile until he’d fully turned around and taken a few steps away from the lecherous lesbians,
‘YEAH! THAT’S MY BOY! ABOUT TO GET SOME DICK! PENETRATION WOO!’
Robin hollered like a soccer-mom, one strike away from getting banned from the pitch.
Steve was hit with the dual sensation of mortification at having his buttholes business broadcast by the town crier, and shame at the fact it wasn’t even true… Steve was letting Robin down, again.
He gave her his bitchiest look before flipping the bird and stalking out of the club, head held high, to whoops and jeers from strangers.
In the Uber home the humiliation and shame were swirling around inside him like cotton-candy in a drum. Hot, sticky feelings were unhelpfully galvanized by a stick of dynamite-irritation.
He wanted to be penetrated, goddammit, and who says he had to wait for the right man to deign to do the job?! He was the right man! He could penetrate himself! Not like that- even though he was larger than the average bear, Boo-Boo- He could use his Big-Boy money and get himself a Big-Boy toy and figure things out himself!
Angling his phone away, very non-suspiciously, from the camera in the back, he began googling training-wheel dildos.
After scrolling past all the Amazon links, because fuck Bezos, he found a plain-Jane, no frills, realistic, veiny looking dildo with attached balls.
It was perfect.
Even better, was the link to a local sex shop he’d gone to before with Robin to buy her a birthday strap.
He was going to penetrate himself whilst supporting a small, local business! Win-win! And, Oh! What’s this? It was open late and listed on Uber delivery? Steve checked his location- roughly 3 minutes from his apartment- and hit ‘purchase’.
Which all leads him here. Right now. Pacing his tiny apartment in a tight line, freaking out over the visual of some poor, hardworking, underpaid Uber delivery driver in a sex shop at this very moment, collecting a dildo at 9:42pm on a Friday.
For Steve.
He was going to appear here presently
At Steve’s apartment.
Where Steve lived.
With Steve’s dildo.
And he’d see Steve’s face and he’d know Steve was about to shove it up his ass, right here, where he lived.
Steve only hoped Eddie M. could forgive him.
***
Eddie wondered if it would be unprofessional to lay one on Steve H. the second he opened his door?
It’s just he’d never been so thrilled to make a delivery before and he wanted to thank the horny, little queer who’d sent him on this hero's quest to retrieve Excalibur and secure the Kingdom (dat ass).
Was it presumptuous of Eddie to assume Steve H. was some-flavour-of-fruity? Sure, but Eddie also knew his people, and only his people would be Ubering sex-toys at this hour on a Friday and, brother, Eddie had been there…
Out in the club, ready for a good night, ready to get sucked and/or fucked by some pretty boy, only to find the place is wall-to-wall lesbians and former conquests decidedly not worth a revisit?? Tragic. Demoralising. A threat to the gay-agenda and the reason Eddie was working on a Friday night instead of trying to get his dick wet.
The last time Eddie had tried to get some strange he’d been confronted with his most recent ex-situationship (a real skeevy, piece-of-shit, called Roger of all things) and had left before ordering his first drink.
He’d walked himself home blasting Baby Metal- for his health- and, on a whim, had entered this very sex shop to grab himself a new plastic-boy for the night.
That toy, Diego, was now his #1 favourite guy when the mood took him to bottom and the way this evening was going, he felt the mood might very much take him the moment he got home.
But first, he had to secure the bag for his man Steve, so whilst Argyle (the shop clerk Eddie regularly bought weed from as well as lurid, silicone cocks) went out the back to retrieve the package, Eddie checked on Diego’s brothers.
‘Hello my glorious soldiers, Diego sends his well-wishes,’
he murmured as he ran his hand along the boxes.
‘Here we go, Eduardo, one doordashed dong for you dude,’
Argyle announced from close behind him, making Eddie jump.
‘Thank you my man but I cannot allow you to besmirch my fine patron with the name of a lesser rival,’
Eddie said in his best (worst, terrible, awful) British accent as he took the bag and opened it (he was nosy, sue him).
‘Huh?’
Argyle’s mumble was cut off by Eddie groaning loudly.
‘steeEVE, NO! This is a starter dildo for amateurs! This is a relic! This is basically for display purposes only! Argyle you have to stop selling these joke-shop-ass dildo’s to baby-queers who don’t know any better, '
Eddie exclaimed as he scrunched the bag back up.
Reaching behind himself Eddie grabbed one of Diego’s clones and strode up to the register.
‘Honestly, the things I do for you, Steve H. I will sherpa you and your prostate to Nirvana so you might banish this inedible-snickers-dick to the shelf where it belongs, ring me up, Args! The Fairy Godfather has a delivery to make.’
***
The app was recalibrating.
It had already recalibrated.
Eddie M. was late.
God, had Steve’s request been the straw that broke the camel's back? Had he quit in disgust? Or else was he doubled-over his bike, laughing at the pathetic loser, ordering Friday night sex-toys to his home? Maybe Eddie M. was outside trying to compose himself before he had to face the gigantic pervert who just couldn’t wait to get his hands on a cock…
Steve twitched his curtains aside just in time to see a bike careening onto the sidewalk outside his building.
The rider swung his long, willowy leg, exuberantly over and pulled the bikelock from around his neck, securing it back around the frame and a lamppost. On his back he wore the big, blocky, Uber bag like some kind of cuboid turtle and Steve knew his penis was here. He opened the app again and surely enough ‘Eddie M’ was shown as having arrived at his destination.
Steve had a decision to make, he could either pretend not to exist until the guy went away and took the dildo with him- Steve could take the hit financially, he’d literally ordered the cheapest cock on offer- OR he could nut-up, open the door like the confident, adult man he was and graciously accept his goods..
Obviously he swiftly moved to open the door, there’s no way he could make the man travel across town with a dildo just to ignore him.
Steve waited for the knock to come, didn’t want to look too eager to dick himself down, but through the door he could hear the guy muttering to himself.
‘...big swing Munson but, you’re coming from a good place….coming’
Steve heard the man snickering to himself and was baffled, was he talking on the phone to someone? Some of these delivery guys passed the time by chatting with friends and oh god…was he laughing on the phone with someone about Steve?!
Unable to wait in agony any longer, Steve practically ripped the door off its hinges whilst basically yelling-
‘HI!’
Eddie screeched and fumbled the bags he’d been lifting out his turtleshell.
Steve’s dildo flopped out the open bag and bounced across the threshold, landing on his foot.
Jesus, why was it loose?
Did it not come boxed?
That seemed deeply unsanitary, did Steve get the display one?
A lot of questions clogged Steve’s brain up so instead of moving to pick up his loose, veiny, penis, he stood frozen staring at where it was still rolling minutely to-and-fro against his foot.
A hand suddenly jerked into his field of vision and snatched the dildo up.
‘Ohmygod, oh my GOD! I am SO sorry, holy SHIT! You can clean these things right up, don’t you worry! I mean, you should absolutely clean anything you put in your body every time anyway, that’s like, basic dildo care 101.’
The rider rambled as he shoved the cock back in its bag.
‘I don’t think I can put that thing inside me..’ Steve mumbled in a daze.
This couldn’t be happening, right? He must have gotten horrifically drunk and was in actual fact passed out somewhere, hallucinating this nightmare event as a cautionary tale not to get horny and dumb, right?
‘I promise you man, this thing will clean right up, no harm no foul. However…look, it’s none of my business but I do agree you shouldn’t be putting it in your body.’ The rider rushed out.
Great. Fucking fantastic, Steve had managed to get his dildo delivered by some homophobe. With any luck he’d be evangelical about it, offer to ‘pray-the-gay-away’.
Steve could feel himself bristling, he’d already had an emotional rollercoaster of an evening and if this prick wanted to get puritanical then Steve was ready to condense the evenings feelings into a Sylvia Harrington worthy diatribe.
‘You’re correct, it is none of your business-’
‘It just this thing is analog, man, totally an artefact, whereas this will have you seeing the full circle of time, I’m talking past/present/future-’
‘...What?’
Steve was flummoxed.
The maybe-not-a-homophobe rider had Steve’s plastic cock in one hand, and some kind of boxed, silicone, purple wand in the other.
‘I didn’t order that’ was all Steve could think to say.
‘Yeah, no, so, not to be a total freakshow about this but…I? Actually bought this? For you?’
The rider sheepishly gestured to himself with the boxed, wand, thing. Eyes darting nervously between Steve’s.
Steve finally took in the man’s appearance as he parsed through that sentence.
Eddie M was tall and, as Steve had noted earlier, definitely willowy. He had a nervous kind of energy about him that kept him moving but not in an off-putting, twitchy kind of way, more like he had some kind of internal rhythm that kept him swaying and stepping. He had dark hair tucked under a bike helmet that looked like a skull. Huge, dark eyes peered out from a smooth, pale face and full lips quirked up in a nervous smile. The fingers clutching the dildos were decked out in silver rings and black polish and the skin on display was covered in tattoos.
Oh no, he was hot.
Just Steve’s type. And apparently he’d bought Steve a purple wand to shove up his ass..
‘You bought me…a sex toy..Why?’ Steve monotoned, slowly.
‘Why? Excellent question, sensible question. Why would I, a stranger, purchase you, also a stranger, a prostate wand. Well, the thing is, I’m somewhat of an expert on butt-stuff and this thing you bought? It doesn’t deserve to darken your doorstep, so to speak. Whereas this thing? This one will have you seeing the face of God and she’ll call you a good boy when she’s done and I just…couldn’t bear the thought of delivering you this disappointment when I knew that heaven was sitting right next to it on the shelf. Is that weird? Fuck, that is so totally weird, Jesus Christ, I’m sorry man, please don’t report me, I don’t like need this job but it would really suck to be blacklisted for being some kind of pervert. Which I’m NOT, I promise you, contrary to…what all of this looks like. Ohmygod, could you please say something now, otherwise I will just keep going and it’s only going to get worse for both of us.’
Steve smiled despite himself.
‘You remind me of my best friend.’ he said, smiling still.
‘Oh yeah? They a total fucking headcase too?’
Now Steve was laughing,
‘Oh 100%. The spaciest of cadets. And she rambles too, especially when she’s nervous, which i’m guessing you are, seeing as you took it upon yourself to share your expertise on ‘butt stuff’ with a stranger’
‘YEAP! Yeap, yeap, yeap, very nervous. Was fully expecting a fragile, baby-queer to whomI could impart my hard-earned wisdom and then disappear into the night like some kind of gay wizard. But then you answered and you’re-
‘I’m..?’
‘Hot!’ he blurted, a rosy hue instantly flooding his cheeks.
Steve giggled. Hopelessly charmed by this absolute weirdo. He looked exactly Steve’s type, from the dark hair and lean muscles, right down to the septum piercing dangling from his cute nose.
Steve could definitely imagine him and Ro being into the same stuff but personality wise he couldn’t be more different from Ro and honestly? It was working for Steve.
‘Thanks and thank you for the wand, gay wizard…how exactly does it work?’
Steve demured, ducking his head and looking up through his eyelashes.
‘I could give you a demo, if you want?’
the guy mumbled, looking hazy-eyed back at Steve before seemingly realising what he’d just said and spluttering back into his rolling energy.
‘Like! Talk you through the instructions I mean! Not- I didn’t mean use it on you or-or me! That’s yours- mine’s..I’ve got one too, that’s how I know they’re like, whew, primo, y’know? But that’s at home, of course. I could just…talk you through it, sort of thing… Sorry,’
he trailed off, seeming vaguely horrified.
Steve was snorting by this point, cheeks aching and eyes sparkling.
‘I would actually really appreciate a verbal demonstration from an expert in butt-stuff, thank you. Did you… maybe wanna come inside?’
The guy's eyebrows shot up and his head quirked to the side like a dog.
‘The HOUSE! Come inside the house, ya perv!’
Steve yelled through his laughs.
‘I don’t exactly want a sex toy demo on my doorstep, I think my neighbours have had enough of a show out of us already.’
Steve backed away from the open doorway and was gratified but also concerned when Eddie immediately followed him inside. They didn’t even know each other and now they were alone in Steve’s apartment…
‘Wow, can’t believe I let you get me to a secondary location, my Uncle is gonna be so disappointed in me,’
Eddie said.
Steve lit up, remembering his similarly worded joke earlier to Robin.
‘Well, clearly neither one of us is street smart because I just invited my sex-toy buying, Uber delivery guy into my home.’
‘Truly terrible decision-making, Steve H.’
‘You don’t know the half-of-it, Eddie M.’
The two men smiled wide and bashful at each other for a moment, standing around the welcome mat as a bubble of intimacy rapidly ensconced them.
Steve knew it was the height of coo-coo-bananas behaviour but he couldn’t help feeling like something was happening between him and Eddie, something potentially good? He wondered if Eddie was feeling it too?
***
Who knew I would meet my future husband, Ubering him dildos. Eddie thought to himself without even a shred of hesitation or lucidity.
From the second this angel, this vision, this Michelangelo’s wet-dream, had wrenched open the door and shaved at least a year off Eddie’s life, Eddie had been gone.
The fact that this living muse was alone (please god let him be alone), on a Friday night and ordering in dildos, gave Eddie a deeply unearned feeling of hope.
Now, if he could just demonstrate his worth to this sleepy-eyed, wet-lipped, soft sculpture of a man he knew he could secure the future Mr Munson. The alternative didn’t bear thinking about.
Eddie refused any timeline where he didn't spend the rest of his life, worshipping at the altar of this forgotten Greek God.
And Steve had to be feeling it too, right? Why else would he immediately invite Eddie into his house? Steve had to be attuned to this cosmic attraction between them because the alternative was he was wildly and pathologically unsafe.
Steve led them into a cosy little room with a forest green, velvet sofa. The back of his painted-on Levi’s had barely touched the cushion when he sprang back up exclaiming,
‘Drinks!’
And hustled out of the room without another word.
Eddie, never one to pass up an opportunity to snoop, bounced off the sofa and launched himself at the bookcase that was less books and more stuff.
The shelves were lined with pictures of people, all roughly around Steve’s age, except for two proper adults with kindly faces, both with an arm around Steve’s shoulders in his graduation robes. College, by the looks of it, he knew his boy was smart.
While there wasn’t any obvious familial resemblance between anyone in the pictures, there was a palpable avalanche of love and care and it put some part of Eddie at ease, Steve had to be a good guy if this many people loved him out loud.
Next he started assessing the tchotchkes and trinkets.
There was a walkie-talkie which, what the hell?! It looked sturdy and vintage as fuck, so maybe some heirloom from a family member? A wonky, obviously handmade mug proudly proclaimed, ‘World’s Best Mom’, did Steve make that? Why did he have it and not his Mom? One whole shelf was dedicated to all 4 volumes of a really niche graphic novel by an up-and-coming writer and illustrator, W. M. Byers, that Eddie has been obsessed with called ‘Hellkins, Indiana’. In front of them lay a chillingly badass, wooden baseball bat studded with truly heinous nails exactly like one of the characters, Sid, was depicted carrying around to defend the kids with.
Fuck, was Steve into cosplay? Eddie might not survive being exposed to that kind of raw, sexual behaviour.
But the thing that truly set Eddie’s nerd heart all aflutter was the myriad of painted miniatures.
He knew it, he fucking knew it! The universe would never allow him to fall ass over tits for someone who wasn’t into D&D! And Steve had them all.
Eddie stuck religiously to being a tiefling bard- maybe multiclassing with a rogue- the rare times he wasn't DM’ing, but Steve had been a rogue, a wizard, a druid…and Eddie was seeing an orc, an elf, even a dragonborn! He knew he couldn’t bring up their D&D connection tonight otherwise he’d never talk about anything else and he’d promised Steve a demonstration. Eddie could easily get hard as rock discussing rule deviations between the editions but he knew some players believed in a separation of Church and State so he’d save extolling his religion (D&D) until a later, less sexy, date.
…But, imagine if Steve was into that? Roleplaying the penniless bard seducing the virtuous paladin?
Fuck, Eddie was getting hard just thinking about it.
Steve chose that moment to return with a fucking tray of drinks like a precious little tavern wench. Eddie snatched a throw pillow off the sofa to obscure his semi-hard cock, and rejoined Steve on the sofa where he was nervously perched on the edge, wringing his hands.
‘So, I wasn’t sure what the vibe was? Like, I was just gonna have more water but then I was like ‘is that too boring?’ so I grabbed some beers. But you might still be working? Or like, in recovery, or-or! Just not a drinker! No judgement on like, any of that, so I got some Pepsi’s out but not everyone likes Pepsi so there’s a Mountain Dew my brother left in there from the other day and THEN I thought-’
‘Steve!’
‘Mhmm?’
‘I will take a water and your brother’s Mountain Dew please. In that order. Thank you, sweetheart’
Eddie nearly spiked the water bottle like some kind of sports-loser when he noticed the delicious flush ‘sweetheart’ had spread across Steve’s gorgeous face. Oh he was more than happy to whip out an encyclopedia of pet names to keep this boy flushed coral pink for eternity.
‘Just for the record, off work and the wagon.’
‘You’re off the wagon?’
‘No! Like, there’s no wagon. Sorry, word-play. Really bad word-play. Not working. Not in recovery. Very sweet of you to consider any of it.’
Thankfully Steve giggled again at Eddie’s inability to be smooth a day in his life.
Honestly? Eddie might be fucking crushing this.
Instantly, Eddie choked on his too-big sip of water as his glug coincided with Steve tipping his long neck back to swig, exposing the thick slide of his Adam’s Apple.
Eddie was definitely not fucking crushing this.
Self-consciously returning his bottle to the coffee table as Steve patted him on the back, Eddie snatched up the prostate wand and offered the box to Steve.
‘Wanna do the honours, big boy?’
Steve blushed and fumbled with the box, cutting another devastatingly demure peak up through his lashes at Eddie. He had to know what he was doing with the slutty little Princess Di look, right?!
‘Like…right here?!’
He stammered as he clutched the box to his chest.
‘Yeah I thought you could get a feel for it as I kinda talked you through it?’
Eddie lunged toward the table to nervously retrieve his drink. He would definitely need to keep his hands occupied as he explained the toy to Steve.
Eddie heard the rough slide of denim on velvet as Steve moved behind him and turned back to a face full of crotch, Steve’s hands shakily fumbling with his belt and fly.
‘Um…Stevie? What’s happening here?’
‘Well…I can’t exactly stick it up my ass through my jeans, Eddie, can I?’
‘No, sure, of course, I just kind of assumed you’d want to do the actual ‘sticking it up your ass’ part like…alone? Somewhere with lube?’
‘OH! Yeah! Fuck, yeah of course! God, sorry.’
‘Wowwww. You were all in, huh? Like, you were all geared up to just drop trou, bare-assed on your velvet sofa, with Eddie your dildo-deliverer, huh? You a lil exhibitionist, Stevie? Is there a lil freak hiding behind that Angel-face?’
Eddie was…delighted. Beyond all sense of restraint and propriety, practically purring through his cheshire-smile.
Steve meanwhile had his scarlet face buried in…intriguingly large hands.
‘Oh my god. I thought- I thought- I don’t know what I fucking thought, oh my god..’
The last exclamation was bordering on miserable and Eddie was soaring. Steve was so. much. more. FUN than he ever could have hoped for.
‘Can I tell you what I think you thought, sweetheart?’
Eddie’s voice was silk-soft and shot through with a smile.
Steve nodded, still ensconced behind his giant paws, one eye peering between fingers.
‘I think you thought I could talk you through it, step-by-step, in real time. I think you thought you could lay yourself out for me, skin on velvet, and ride your new little toy like a whore-’
Steve’s sharp inhale encouraged Eddie to keep swinging for the fences.
‘- I think you thought you might be able to switch that sweet brain off for a bit, huh? Let someone else do all the thinking? Sound about right, Stevie?’
‘Uh-huh’
poured out breathy from slack, wet lips before a spark of life reignited glossy, doe eyes.
‘Except the couch part… I don’t even let anyone drink on this thing normally, definitely don’t want to fuck it up with lube and- stuff.’
‘Breaking all the rules for me tonight aren’t you, Princess?’
Eddie shook his contraband bottle before downing the rest.
The fumbling, choking Eddie from earlier was all but gone, in place of an Eddie who sometimes got with pretty boys who were eager to be good.
‘I guess so’
Steve’s smile, dazed and dazzling, called an answering grin from Eddie.
Without another word Steve stood and walked backwards out the room, clutching the wand, eyes locked on Eddie, who was powerless but to stumble after him.
Eddie followed into a fastidiously clean bathroom to watch as Steve double-washed his new toy with copious amounts of soap.
He had a little clean freak on his hands by the looks of things and wasn’t that just the most exciting kind of person to adorn in filth and fluids.
Eddie couldn’t wait.
He hoped Steve bitched him out when he cleaned him up for not doing a thorough enough job.
Was that an alarmingly domestic thought to have about someone you’d just met? Sure. But Eddie was too far gone by this point, his ADHD had him planning a scene and wedding simultaneously.
He was to be married in the Autumn and fingered in the bedroom.
Steve was walking his squeaky clean wand over the threshold of an unsurprisingly neat bedroom, when he turned back to face Eddie just a step behind him.
This is it! Eddie thought, here comes our first kiss!
SLAM
Where just a second before had hovered the most beautiful face Eddie had ever shed skin cells in the presence of, now stood only an MDF door.
Maybe HDF?
Whatever the DF it was obscuring his view and barring his entry to Heaven.
‘Errr, Stevie? Do you have a homophobic ghost? Or is the door in my face on purpose?’
‘Sorry! Fuck! I didn’t mean to slam it! But definitely meant to close it. It’s just…’
Steve trailed off and Eddie heard a soft thunk as Steve possibly rested his forehead on the other side of the 7ft cock-block.
‘It’s justtttt? What is it, Stevie? You can say anything, promise. Did you change your mind? That’s so fine if you did, sweetheart.’
‘Not- not changed exactly just… had a second to think there when I was cleaning-’
‘Jorge.’
‘Excuse me?!’
‘Your wand, Jorge. I have his brother, Diego. I thought you wouldn’t mind ceding me naming rights seeing as I paid for him.’
‘I had literally zero plans on naming him so, sure. Of course, Jorge’
‘For a lil whore-hey.’
Steve’s snort helped to loosen some of the spring named ‘you fucked this’ currently coiling in Eddie’s stomach.
‘You are ridiculous. I know next to nothing about you but I know that for a fact.’
‘Oh, I’m solid-gold-stupid, sweetheart, no doubt about it. Is that why there’s a door in my face right now? You’re freaking out that you were about to get very vulnerable with a stranger in your bedroom?’
Eddie heard a painfully defeated sounding sigh from where he was now resting his own forehead, could almost imagine the heat of it fanning across his lips.
‘Yeah… does that- does that make sense?’
‘Stevie, sweetheart of course it makes sense! Honestly? Good instincts, you’re clearly the brains of this operation.’
‘Somewhere my best friend has just choked and she has no idea why…I am never the brains.’
‘Well, you’ve met your match, brainiac, I’m 200lbs of stupid.’
‘You are not 200 pounds! You’re barely 185 soaking wet!’
‘Oh! I’m sorry! Didn’t realise I was talking to some kind of farmer who can just eye a hog and know how much it weighs!’
Eddie heard the unmistakable sound of Steve sliding down the door to sit as he laughed.
‘Not a farmer. But I am a personal trainer so I’m pretty good at eyeballing a beginner weight.’
‘Ouch, Princess, I’ll have you know I am summer-bod ready. Very much at my finisher weight.’
Eddie could almost feel the vibrations of Steve’s mirth against his back as he sat likewise propped against the door.
‘But look at us! You, a personal trainer, me, a respectable 200lbs-’
‘-190 on a good day-’
‘-We’re barely even strangers now!’
‘Oh absolutely I mean we both know each other’s names and professions, next stop The Newlywed Game!’
‘That’s the spirit! Although, I don't recall telling you what I do for work so maybe you should ask before we embarrass ourselves on national tv, circa 1975.’
‘Eddie, I know I said I was dumb but not so dumb that I need an Uber driver to tell me what his job is..’
‘I mean, do I make money as an Uber driver? Sure. Is it my job? Kind of but also not really at all.’
‘Eds…what the fuck are you talking about?’
Taking a second to freak the fuck out over Eds and what hearing it from Steve’s pouty lips does to him, Eddie screws his eyes shut and sinks both hands to grip his hair.
‘I’m a session musician and producer. I actually run my own studio, I do pretty well for myself if that isn’t, y’know, gross to say?’
‘You have your own studio?! Eddie! Why the fuck are you delivering dildos on a friday night??’
‘Ok, so, you're a personal trainer so hopefully you will appreciate my thinking here and not think I’m insane like everyone else… I hate exercising. Like really fucking loathe and resent it. But my scrawny, smokers-ass needs to do it. I also grew up dirt-poor. I’m talking, one-bedroom, single-wide trailer kind of poor. Which is fine! I’m not ashamed, I’m like, super proud of my Uncle for giving me such a good life but it does mean I hate doing anything for free and this is where my genius thinking comes into play. What does the man who hates to exercise for free do? He signs up 3 times a week to ride his bike for money. I get paid, I get a workout and pretty boys like you get sex toys straight to your door.’
‘Wow….a lot to respond to there, not sure where to begin.’
‘Wherever your heart tells you, sweetheart.’
‘OK, straight off the bat, how many sex toys are you delivering, on average?’
‘Ooo babyboy, you are my first and I have been waiting for you ever since I saw that shop listed as an option.’
‘Ugh. I had been hoping this was a super common occurrence for you so I could feel better about myself and my choices.’
‘You are a unicorn. A fae. A horny little miracle and I will not have you feel ashamed of that. Honestly? I might quit tomorrow, hang up my big, square backpack, because no delivery is ever going to top this one.’
‘...Did you say top on purpose…’
Jesus fucking Christ Eddie was in love. He focused hard on not saying that and instead snorted out a-
‘No! But, man, I wish I had, that was perfect, you’re perfect.’
‘Pshh, my Dad would not agree…’
‘Hey! Daddy issues! Just another thing we have in common, we’re simpatico, baby.’
‘Errr, pretty sure I missed the other things we have in common, Mr Paid-to-exercise.’
‘I meaaaan, not to split any hairs in that gorgeous mane of yours but, what is a personal trainer if not a person paid to exercise?’
‘...Damn. I mean, you’re wrong? But you're kind of right about it.. OK two things almost-kinda-in-common.’
‘Three.’
‘What’s the third?’
‘He’s pink, hispanic and has four distinct vibration patterns.’
‘Four?!’
‘Four! Slow, medium, fast and Bzz Bzz Bzz.’
‘I have heard bad things about Bzz Bzz Bzz’
‘I have this theory that he’s there to show you contrast, so you know the other three are good and you’re actually enjoying yourself.’
‘Kind of like how you appreciate a good date so much more once you’ve had a dud?’
‘Exactly! I’ve dated nothing but Bzz Bzz Bzz Boys the last few years and… that’s why I shack up with Diego almost exclusively now.’
‘I think I was kind of on my way to my first Bzz Bzz Bzz Boy tonight actually.’
Eddie deflates so hard it’s almost a physical thing. Delusions aside, he truly felt like something had been happening here, that he’d been connecting with Steve… No wonder he’d slammed the door in his face.
‘OH MY GOD! NOT YOU! Definitely not saying you give Bzz Bzz Bzz vibes at ALL! There was this guy- at the club…And I was into it! But he also, maybe, was kind of awful? Sorry if you thought I meant you’’
‘I was about to be incredibly offended, Steven. My pride was in serious danger. I would have had to cycle whilst crying and do you know how hard it is to cycle when you’re crying, Steven?’
Steve’s gorgeous giggle was filtering through the door again, buoying Eddie back up. He heard a muttered I’m gonna regret this before-
‘It’s not Steven…It’s- and do not make this weird- it’s…Esteban.’
Transcendent. Cosmically aligned. Eddie’s mortal coil was sat in Steve’s hallway- ESTEBAN’S hallway- but his soul was projecting to every corner of the universe, prismatic.
‘Sorry, whyever would I make it weird, Esteban?-’
‘-You’re already making it weird! -’
‘In whatever way would I, Theodore, make it weird, Esteban?’
‘THEODORE?!’
‘I’m sure it is of no celestial importance that I, Theodore Alan Munson, give all my sex toys Hispanic names, like I’m the purveyor of naughty tapas, and here you are, in all your glory, Spanish named up on a Friday night.’
‘Sounds an awful lot like you just nominated me to be your next sex toy, Teddy.’
Eddie’s pretty sure he bit down to the bone, stuffing his fist in his mouth to muffle the moan that sentence elicited.
It was no good, the moan was still audible and Steve’s snickering proved it.
‘Sweet, sweet Stevie, you have to know what you’re doing to me saying such delicious, filth like that.’
‘Not used to your toys being so chatty huh? What do you suggest to shut me up?’
Eddie's eyes were screwed shut now. His jeans were creaking from how tightly his fingers were bunching the material. Steve let out a muttley-wheeze of delight in response to Eddie smacking his head against the door in three, measured, slams.
‘Steve. Sweetheart. Do you still consider us strangers?’
‘I mean, we’ve shared government names, professions, sort of talked about terrible ex’s- I’d say we’ve basically speedrun our entire first date.’
‘Perfect. Amazing. Wonderful. Does this mean you will, please, take me the fuck out of Time-Out and open this door now?’
‘Hmmm. I’m not sure about thaaat. I mean. Maybe I’m not a fuck on the first date kind of girl.’
‘OK how many dates do you usually torture men for before you let all their wildest dreams come true? Because I can go outside and come back in again and we’ll call it date number two?’
Steve paused for so long that Eddie was worried he’d misread and come across as pushy and unable to take a hint.
He was just about to apologise for coming on too strong when Steve’s slightly less confident voice filtered back through the door.
‘What if I haven’t been on any dates with men or done any…after date activities? Before?’
And-
‘Stevie, are you a virgin?’
‘NO! Oh my GOD! Why does everyone keep ASKING that?! I have had sex! A lot! With a lot of women! I’m just…-’
‘-late to the party. The Man Party, specifically.’
Steve’s snorts and sighs and mumbles a-
‘I mean that’s one way of saying it, sure. An insane way but, uh, yeah. Very late. Only just kind of arriving, to be completely honest.’
And he sounds so defeated that Eddie can’t bear it.
‘Hey. Thank you for telling me. That didn’t sound easy and, for what it’s worth, I think it’s really brave you’re figuring out this new thing about yourself and not…hiding it away.’
‘Thanks, Teddy. You’re sweet.’
Eddie can definitely hear a smile creeping back into that voice but the cocky and confident Steve who was flirting up a storm a second ago still sounds a ways away.
‘No sweat, sweetheart. And hey, I know some guys can be kinda weird about that sort of thing but I honestly see it as an immense privilege to be trusted with anyone’s firsts. Should you wish to entrust me, of course.’
‘Ugh. You’re making it sound like I’m sending you on a quest, you nerd.’
‘I meaaan, guilty as charged? Am I a nerd? Yes. Am I questing for that ass? Absolutely. Look, I’m not completely noblehearted about it either like, it’s fucking hot, babe.’
‘OK, now I know you’re lying.’
‘Stevie, are you crazy? Of course it’s hot! To have big, pretty eyes looking to me to guide them? To talk them through it, instruct them. To hear the little, shocked hitches of breath when he can’t believe it feels like that? That I can make you feel like that? To know I’m the only man who’s touched you like that, held you down like that, filled you and fucked you and made you come like that?’
Heavy breaths, a soft whine, a quite tentative-
‘Eddie?’
‘Yeah, Stevie?’
‘I’m so fucking hard right now.’
‘Jesus, sweetheart, me too.’
‘Do you- would you do that for me? Talk me through it? Tell me what to do and I’ll do it? Please?’
‘Fuck, hearing you say please like that, like such a good boy. You wanna be a good boy for me, Stevie? You wanna do what I say and make yourself cum?’
‘God, Eddie yes. Wanna be so good for you.’
Eddie had to get a hand around himself, squeezing hard at the root.
Hearing Steve panting and whining before they’d even really begun was pushing Eddie to an embarrassing level. He’d need to get a literal hold of himself if he expected to focus and make this good for Steve, and he wanted to be fucking perfect for the gorgeous boy already squirming against the door behind him.
‘How do you want this, angel? Do you want me out here, talking you through opening yourself up, getting yourself wet and ready? Wanna drive me crazy out here, listening to the way the vibe sounds when you press it inside?’
‘Fuck. Yeah I want that. Want you to hear everything.’
‘I will, I will, angel. Get yourself up. Walk to your bed. Take your clothes off and get yourself comfortable. Make sure your lube is nearby, can you do that for me, Stevie?’
‘Yeah, yeah I can do that, Eddie.’
Eddie presses his ear to the wood, hears the sounds of stumbling and shuffling, a belt clinking, the shhh-thwip as it’s pulled through the loops, a clatter as it falls on hardwood floor, the flumps of soft fabric, springs creaking, a drawer squeaking open, desperate scrabbling followed by the drawer slamming closed, the unmistakable snap of a cap and finally Steve’s panting voice saying-
‘Ready. ‘M ready.’
‘Such a good boy, angel, thank-you. Are your fingers all wet? Are you ready to play with yourself for me?’
Steve was whining at every good boy and Eddie was more than happy to keep the praise at a maximum, Steve really was such a good boy, letting Eddie have this, letting himself have this.
‘OK, sweetheart. You ever played with your pretty, hole before? You ever sunk those fingers inside and made yourself feel good before?’
‘Yeah, yeah Eddie, ‘ve done it, ‘ve touched it. Never found it though, the place, ‘sposed to feel good.’
Steve’s voice, breathy and dreamy, was causing Eddie serious issues. He had an almost vice-like grip around his cock now as he tried to focus on where to take Steve next.
‘That’s OK, angel, ‘s not easy to find, I’m gonna help you, ‘m gonna get you there, OK? Just take those wet fingers and rub them against that pretty hole. Get yourself wet for me, Stevie, can you do that, sweet boy?’
‘Doin’ it Eddie, ‘m already doin’ it, so wet for you already.’
‘That’s it, that’s so good, sweetheart. Now, sink your finger in. Just to the first knuckle, nice and easy, OK?’
‘Fuck. It's good, Eddie, wan’ more. Can I have more?’
‘Yeah, baby, yeah you can have more, all the way, take it all the way now.’
Steve’s moan was loud, unrestrained.
‘Eddie! Again! Say it again, call me-’
‘Baby?’
‘Fuck! More, Eddie! Can I have more please? Another, need another.’
Eddie was up on his knees now, forehead and splayed hands pressed to the door, fingertips trying to burrow through, desperate to see if reality matched up to the mental image of Steve on his back, legs wide, fingers deep in a hungry hole.
‘Give yourself more, baby. Fuck yourself on two fingers for me. Stretch yourself out, need you ready for me.’
‘Wan’ it! Wanna be so ready for you, make you feel so good.’
‘I know you will, gonna feel unreal for me, baby, my good boy.’
‘Yours!’
‘Fuck. Can you take another one, Stevie? You wanna stuff yourself on three?’
‘Doin’ it! So full, Eddie, feels so good!’
‘I know it does, angel, I can almost hear how wet you are. I think you’re ready, baby, huh? Ready to fill yourself even more? Take those gorgeous fingers out-’
‘-Nooo, Eddie it’s good! Please?’
‘I know, I know, but it’s gonna feel sooo much better, my greedy boy. Finger’s out and get that toy coated for me.’
‘Yeah, yeah, ‘s ready, ‘s dripping, I wan’ it, please.’
‘So polite for me baby, so needy, ease it in now, OK?’
‘OK…fuck! Fuck! ‘S so big, baby!’
Eddie could taste blood, teeth sunk into his own thick lip.
‘Never had anything so big inside that tight hole, huh? Go slow and gentle, OK? Don’t make it hurt.’
‘Little bit hurt, like a little bit, fuck!’
‘God, you’re fucking perfect, baby, y’know that? So perfect for me.’
‘’S in! Fuck, Eddie it’s all in. What now? What now?’
‘Good fucking boy, Stevie, so good. Now? You turn it on, little button on the base, switch it on for me baby.’
Eddie could hear plenty through the door but his brain was definitely supplying the sound of a steady buzz. It wasn’t enough though, he longed to press his ear to Steve’s pelvis and hear the hum through layers of plush flesh. He wanted his to be the hand pulling and plunging, plucking those gasps and moans tumbling from Steve’s lips.
‘Is it good, baby? Does it feel good inside you?’
‘It’s-fuck- it’s unreal. Unreal, Eddie, so good.’
‘I dunno, angel, you’re still talking, still coherent. Why don’t you press the button again and turn it up.’
‘OK…shit! OK! It’s- it’s more! Yeah, more, gimme more, Eddie’
‘Hands off your cock, baby, don’t think I can’t hear you. You’re gonna come on your toy, just your toy, OK?’
A thready, needy whine follows the absence of a loose, wet pulling.
‘Need more, baby! ‘S not enough!’
‘It will be, angel, it will. Press it up more. In and up, rub it around, small, tight circles.’
‘Doin’ it- ‘m doin’ it, Teddy, ‘s not working!’
Eddie could hear an undercurrent of tantrum flowing through Steve's pathetic words. He was honestly impressed that Steve was withstanding such concentrated stimulation to his prostate, especially as a first timer.
‘Please, Teddy! Please, ‘m so close! Help me, need you!’
Eddie was barely hanging on by a thread. His cock had never been harder. The wet spot was leaking through into denim. His fingers were cramping from how hard he was pressing them to the door and the image of Steve thrashing and crying on his back was blistering through his mind. But Steve had slammed the door, he’d kept it closed for a reason and Eddie didn’t want a moment of desperate weakness to cause Steve any regret.
‘Baby, please! What am I doin’ wrong? ‘S not workin, not…please. Tell me what’s wrong.’
A look. A quick peak. Just a little glance at the scene and then he could guide Steve better, right? That couldn’t be so bad, surely? All he needs is to see and then he can get his boy there and he so deserves it, he’s done so well.
‘Stevie, baby, listen very closely to me, OK? I’m gonna open the door, just so I can see, so I can help, is that OK? Can I do that?’
‘Yes! Yes, Eddie, Fuck! Look at me… make me come.’
And really it would be rude to make him ask twice so Eddie relaxed his rigor mortis claw enough to grasp the door-handle in his sweaty hand, nearly throwing the door open to reveal a view that burnt into his grey matter like a tintype.
Steve wasn’t on his back. He was face down, ass up. Huge palm pressed to the base of the toy, grinding. Tears stained his cheeks as overflowing, droopy eyes locked on Eddie’s face and a heartbreaking wail cut through wet, pouting lips.
No wonder he couldn’t come, he was pressing the toy away from his prostate.
‘Sweetheart.’
Fuck, Eddie sounded wrecked. He was wrecked. How could he walk away from this and not vow to bleed himself dry every dawn for the boy before him?!
‘Baby, look at you. So, fucking gorgeous, holy shit. Doing so, so good for me, my love.’
Steve sobbed.
‘No! Can’t come! Not good!’
‘Shh, shh, shh, angel, it’s OK, I didn’t know you’d be ass up like a whore, my perfect boy, just a little off on the angling is all. All I need you to do is twist the toy around and push it down. Push down for me, baby.’
‘Can’t Eddie, I can’t do it! Please, please!’
‘Please what, baby? What do you need?’
‘Need to come! Need you to touch me, you do it, pleasepleaseplease, baby, touch me, ‘m so close.’
Eddie was kneeling on the bed before the thought even registered, beseeching hands extended, shaking. At the first brush of his finger tips Steve’s hand dropped, gripping the sheets by his knee, moans pitching up in anticipation.
Eddie grasped the end of the toy and slowly withdrew as he rotated. Steve sounded almost panicked in his gasps so Eddie shushed him and placed his other hand around the fat of Steve’s hip. Squeezing and pressing. Reassuring. Thumb finding a dimple at the tail of his spine.
With a smooth, slow movement he pushed the properly situated toy back inside and began to press down, down, down. When Eddie felt Steve tense and twitch, when he heard an almost indignant huh! leave those perfect lips, he knew he’d found what he was looking for.
‘Found you,’
he cooed and started pulsing and swirling the toy in tight circles. Steve was letting out short exclamations of breath, hands near tearing his sheets.
‘Yes. Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes, ‘m coming, ‘m coming! Teddy! Baby! Oh Shit! Oh fuck!’
The garbled scream of pleasure Steve let out as Eddie watched his hole contract and pulse around the toy, would be the single sound heralding Eddie to his eternal rest.
Eddie had been so fixated on getting Steve there that he only now registered just how close he was to coming in his pants. He quickly let go of Steve’s hip to squeeze his cock into submission.
Steve’s moans of pleasure quickly became whines of overstimulation so eddie fumbled with the button, long-hold to turn it off without cycling through the remaining intensities, and begun edging the toy out of Steve’s shiny, pink hole.
As the toy was released Steve pitched one more whine before collapsing on to his front, panting.
‘Fuck ME’
he emphatically mumbled into the mattress.
‘With pleasure’
Eddie responded, as he began running his hands up and down Steve’s back and ass.
Steve snorted and then made a kind of huh noise of confusion.
‘Everything OK, baby?’
‘ ‘M still hard? Came so much though?’
‘The joy and mystery of a prostate orgasm, sometimes you stay hard and can go again.’
‘Fuck, really? That’s kind of amazing… do- do you wanna?’
‘Do I wanna what, sweetheart?’
Eddie was still gently but firmly rubbing every inch of Steve’s skin available to him so when Steve answered he reflexively gripped his cheeks so tight he spread them open, revealing his puffy, wet hole.
‘Did you hear me, Eddie? I said do you wanna fuck me?’
‘Oh, I heard you, angel, I'm just trying to figure out when I died and what I did to get into heaven.’
Steve snorted into the sheets.
‘I mean, I must have crashed my bike right? I always knew exercise would kill me in the end but if this is the result, im kind of finding it hard to give a fuck.’
‘Oh my God! Would you stop talking about dying and stick it in me already?’
Steve demanded whilst wiggling his ass.
Eddie couldn’t resist landing a firm smack on the right cheek and judging by Steve’s sharp intake of breath, he wasn’t against the choice.
‘Brat! If we’re doing this I'm not just going to stick it in you as you so romantically demanded.’
‘If? Fuck, do you not want to? Did I read this wrong?’
‘Sweetheart, I nearly just came in my pants like a teenager from massaging you prostate, of course I want to fuck you, just wanted to check in with you first. Can you roll over for me, baby?’
Eddie sat back on his ankles as Steve rolled over between his spread thighs.
Eddie nearly choked on his own spit over the sight of Steve, loose and flushed, stretched out underneath him.
Steve had his arms thrown above his head, chest still heaving from his orgasm. He was hairier than Eddie and Eddie was a big fan. His eyes slid down from pert, dusky nipples to where his treasure-trail sunk low into sticky, glistening pubes. Steve’s thick, cut cock was bobbing, still erect, directly under Eddie's own spread crotch.
Eddie wanted to taste him. Lick him, suck him, gulp him down whole. He wanted to carry parts of Steve around in his guts. He wanted Steve to slip into his bloodstream and feed him when Eddie couldn’t hold him in his sights.
‘Gorgeous. Fucking…unbelieveable, baby. Look at you.’
‘Eddie, touch me. Kiss me. I want you, want you so bad. Promise it’s OK, I’m OK.’
Steve teased one hand down his own body till he found Eddie’s knee and slid it up and across so he could grope hard at what he found.
Eddie bit his lips into his mouth to safeguard a guttural groan before falling forward onto his hands, planted either side of Steve’s head, body hovering, vibrating.
They held eye-contact for a beat long enough to rearrange Eddie on a molecular level. A fixed point in time that divided Eddie’s life into a before and after.
Then Eddie held Steve’s jaw with a purposeful hand and lowered himself into the kiss.
The first touch was soft, calm. Barely parted lips slotting together. A tentative slide.
Eddie only intended to pull back enough to rearrange, to angle himself more, but Steve felt the retreat and latched on hard. Hands suddenly sunk into Eddie’s hair and pulled him down, full lips prying his apart, a wet tongue teasing the seam. He opened up gladly and pressed back even harder. The kiss turned wet and decadent, panting and moaning into each other on a feedback loop as Eddie lowered his fully clothed body onto Steve.
Steve hissed as Eddie’s denim clad erection ground into his sensitive cock and he ripped his hands from Eddie's hair to push between their bodies and start clawing at his fly.
Eddie flipped himself onto his back beside Steve to wrestle his stupidly tight jeans off his flailing legs. Steve was giggling at the eager, writhing man beside him but his giggles turned to a choked gasp when he caught sight of Eddie’s hard cock.
‘How the fuck are you peddaling a bike with that tripod getting in the fucking way?!’
Eddie was grinning as he ripped his t-shirt over his head, revealing a full body of tattoos for Steve to ogle… later. Right now he was busy trying to wrestle that monster-cock into his greedy hole.
‘I take it you approve?’
‘Shut-up and get that stupid horse-cock in me already.’
‘Oh yeah, baby, love this line of dirty talk- tell me you’re gonna ride me so hard I'll only be fit for the glue factory after.’
‘Jesus Christ, Eddie! What the fuck?!’
Steve was laughing so hard his whole body was shaking as Eddie rolled back on top of him, skin-to-skin, pressing together from chest to toes. Grinning, Eddie thought about how he’d never smiled this much in bed with someone else, and he pushed back Steve’s hair to press a small, empathetic kiss to his forehead. Steve’s laughter died on his lips as he stared dazedly back at Eddie before lunging into another open, wet, kiss.
Eddie’s naked cock rubbing against his was definitely an improvement but Steve was desperate to be stretched open again. Fumbling across the bed as Eddie sunk his tongue into his mouth, Steve’s fingers closed around the bottle of lube. His other hand found the base of Eddie's throat and pushed firm but loose, muttering,
‘Condom’s, baby, top drawer.’
Eddie lunged for the drawer and nearly tipped the whole stand over as he wrenched it open. Fishing out a strip of condoms, he fell back into kissing Steve as he tore one free and fumbled open the packet.
Leaning back on his knees, he rolled the condom down his obscene length as Steve gazed up, starry eyed.
Steve batted Eddie’s hand away to coat him in lube, fisting his cock, and for a second Eddie thought it might be all over in the most humiliating fashion until he felt Steve’s strong fingers close around the base of him and grip tight.
‘Hold on for me, baby. That’s it. Can’t cum until you're buried deep inside me, OK?’
Eddie, eyes screwed shut, erratically nods his assent and breathes through the tail end of his aborted orgasm.
Steve releases him and starts pushing at his thighs, situating Eddie between his own spread legs. He starts pulling Eddie in by the hips before Eddie grabs his hands roughly and pushes them down into the mattress, either side of Steve’s head.
‘It’s OK, babyboy, you’ll get what you need, just relax for me.’
Steve melts back into the sheets, mouth slack, knees nearly touching the bed either side. Eddie releases one of his hands to reach down and line himself up. He could already tell by the resistance against his tip that Steve was about to be an unreal level of tightness. Eddie only hoped he could get the entirety of his cock inside before shooting his load.
‘Fuck, baby, just breathe for me OK? Breathe nice and big- just like that- and bear down, that’s it, that’s it, fuck, can you feel me? Fuck you’re tight.’
‘Can I feel you?! You’re in my fucking stomach, Eddie, what the fuck? How is there- how is there more?’
Steve was speaking in sighs and squeaks as Eddie slowly inched the full length of himself inside. He’d never felt anything to compare to Steve. The velvet, hot, squeeze of him. The thick, plush, pulse of him. Eddie was already addicted, would never have enough to be sated.
As he bottomed out he pressed his forehead into Steve’s temple and just waited in the moment with him.
When Steve’s breaths evened out from hiccupping gulps to something resembling normal, Eddie started trailing wet, biting kisses from beneath his ear, across his jaw and back to his panting, eager mouth.
‘Move, baby, please move,’
Steve whispered out between tongues and teeth.
Eddie withdrew until Steve was squeezing around just the tip of him, before slowly easing back inside. Steve breathed out a humming note of pleasure and Eddie was already withdrawing just to plunge back in, smoother and faster than before.
‘Just like that, jus’ like that, Eddie. Fuck me, fuck me please.’
Eddie kept his strokes long and smooth, driving up the pace. He lowered himself down till his forearms lay flush to the mattress, hands tucked up under Steve’s shoulders, foreheads pressed together. Steve hitched his thighs up around Eddie’s hips and locked his ankles together at the small of his back.
‘Jesus, baby, you feel so good, so fucking good, Stevie’
‘Yeah, yeah, fuck, harder please, Eddie, need it harder.’
‘Yeah, anything, arch your back, baby.’
Eddie smoothed a hand down Steve’s side, pushing underneath to support the delicious, curving arch of him. He anchored his other hand under Steve’s shoulder, fingers curling around from the back, digging into the socket.
‘You ready?’
‘Mmhmm.’
Eddie’s tongue snaked into Steve’s mouth as his hips drove harder and faster into his fluttering hole.
Teeth sunk, sudden and hard into his bottom lip, reopening the self-inflicted wound from earlier, a garbled noise of near anguish escaping Steve and Eddie knew he’d nailed his prostate, dead-on.
‘FUCK!’
When Eddie pulled back he found Steve’s face a picture of exquisite agony, lips painted in red from where he’d torn through Eddie.
‘Right there, huh? Is that it?’
‘Don’t stop, Eddie, don’t stop.’
‘Not stopping till I feel you cumming on my cock, baby, want you tight and whining when I fill you up.’
‘ ‘m close!’
‘Me too, fuck, me too, Stevie. Cum for me, wanna feel it, give it to me.’
The rhythmic pounding of their sweat-slick bodies was reaching a fever-pitch. Eddie had his entire forearm pulling hard on the arch of Steve, fingers spreading him wider as his hand gripped a plush cheek. Their kisses had devolved to panting into each other; saliva coated lips slipping and catching on canines.
Eddie was trying to maintain rhythm for Steve but the hot, throttling, grip of him was undoing the other man from his core. His hips sped and stuttered as Steve’s moans became a panting beat of sound. He loosened his hand from Steve’s ass, he wanted to provide Steve his own channel to fuck into as he came, but as his hand moved from beneath, Steve grabbed a hold of it and laced their fingers together.
And that’s what finally pulled free the lacings of Eddie’s orgasm.
Lips sloppy with spit, body dripping with sweat, cock buried deep in this beautiful boy's spasming hole, and hands clasped tight as he watched the ecstasy detonate across Steve’s face.
Steve was cumming untouched, again, in the smoother of their stomachs.
Eddie stole a moment to map the joyful ruin slackening Steve’s features before hiding away in the panting man’s neck. The moment was drawing to a close and Eddie wasn’t ready, would maybe never be ready, to untangle himself from this body, this life. As he breathed in the blend of their scents, nestled in Steve’s neck, he felt fine tremors wracking Steve’s body.
Fuck, he was crying.
Had Eddie hurt him?! He thought all the prep from the wand, from the first orgasm, would have loosened him enough not to hurt, but Steve had never taken anything before. Fuck, maybe that was it? It was his first time and maybe he regretted it? Maybe he’d hated it. Eddie would have sworn Steve had been just as into it but maybe the post-nut clarity had side-swiped him and now he wished he’d waited.
As Eddie felt himself giving over to a swift tidal wave of fear and loathing, Steve let out an inelegant snort, body near vibrating. Eddie tried to pull back, to pull his swiftly softening dick out of Steve and give the man some space, but Steve’s thighs that had slackened post orgasm, suddenly clamped back around Eddie’s sides. They were still holding hands. Steve’s grip redoubled and Eddie managed enough space between them to peer down at Steve’s face.
Eyes screwed tight shut, tears pouring down his temples, and the biggest fucking grin Eddie had ever seen.
‘What the fuck?!’
Eddie’s emphatic whisper seemed to dissolve something in Steve.
The boy was fucking giggling.
High-pitched and hysterical, tongue caught between his teeth, eyebrows raised to his hairline, eyes still closed.
It was unhinged.
It was glorious.
Eddie was never, ever, giving this up.
‘May I ask what the joke is? And if you say you then you can clean up your own jizz.’
Steve attempted to calm himself down but the brief pauses only served to escalate the giddiness and Eddie swore he could hear the occasional hoot mixed into the rolling chuckle.
‘Is this…normal? Should I be concerned? Should I be offended?’
‘N-no! No!’
‘I dunno, baby… I had you cumming twice, untouched! And now my post-coital bliss soundtrack is by Chuckles the Clown?! It doesn’t feel like the ringing endorsement I was after.’
‘ ‘s good! So good! I promise- fuck- it’s happened b-before but never with s-someone!’
Steve’s choking giggles were so fucking cute, so infectious that Eddie, who’d been grinning like a maniac since he realised Steve wasn’t in fact crying, began to laugh as well.
‘This is normal for you?! You fucking Fruit-Loop’
Steve was nodding emphatically, cheesing up at Eddie.
‘I think I get it… It’s kind of a euphoric relief, right? But instead of making you cry in a sexy, sultry way…I’ve got you yukking it up, huh?’
‘Exactly!’
Steve beamed.
‘Fuck it…i’ll take it. I’ve always been more the jester than the brooding, bad-boy. Forever the bard, never the ranger.’
Steve groaned.
‘Noooo, don’t tell me you’re into that Dorks and Dweebs game like the kids?!’
Eddie mimed being shot through the heart by an arrow, throwing himself sideways on the bed.
‘Sweetheart! The miniatures lied to me! I thought you were a fellow dweller of dungeons!’
‘Those are my kids…not my kids just… these kids I used to babysit and never shook loose. They’ve played that game since they were snot-nosed baby-dweebs. They come over once a month to play as snot-nosed college-dweebs.’
‘Well…I’ve not had a decent table in ages so maybe I could run a one-shot for your brood or something, sometime.’
Eddie peeked shyly up through his lashes, hoping he wouldn’t see an awkward look of uh-oh, we have a klingon.
Steve was flushed, glowing pink, a soft smile on his lips and sparkles in sleepy doe-eyes.
‘They imprint hard y’know…like ducklings. You’d never shake them once they decide you’re theirs.’
‘I wouldn’t mind belonging to a group of cool kids with such excellent taste in games and babysitters.’
‘Ugh. Smooth. Yuck,’
Steve whispered, before leaning in and capturing Eddie’s lips in a soft, smile of a kiss.
For a long moment they kissed just to kiss. Lips and tongues soft; languid.
When they parted Steve rested his arms on Eddie's chest, chin on his arms. That slutty Princess Di look-through-his-lashes was back.
‘Is it crazy to say I really like you, Eddie?’
‘I think every choice we’ve made tonight has been the height of sanity, Stevie, so no, not crazy…what’s also not crazy is how much I like you too.’
Eddie hoped he made Steve blush like this forever.
‘Robin’s gonna lose it over this,’
Steve mumbled as Eddie ran his fingers through silken, honeyed strands.
‘Is that the guy? From earlier tonight? Because his catastrophic loss is my treasured gain so, forgive me if I don’t feel too badly for the guy.’
Steve huffed a laugh.
‘No, Robin is my best friend and she’s gonna freak the fuck out about this whole thing…the guy was an absolute dud, to be honest. Kinda dodged a serious bullet I think.’
‘Oh yeah? Not your type?’
‘I mean, he was actually exactly my type, it turns out.’
‘So, tatted, alt hottie with a body?’
Steve laughed into his arms,
‘Precisely. But…’
‘Buuuut?’
‘He was so boring! He would not SHUT-UP about his art and his process and how mediocre everyone else was. And he didn’t ask a single thing about me! Other than if I was a virgin…and when I said that, y’know, for guys I kinda was, he couldn’t walk away from me fast enough!’
‘What. An. IDIOT! A Chump! He’s a Grade A fucking moron, baby. The idea that any man could’ve had you and passed it up is…insulting but also, I kinda wanna buy him a car to say thank-you?’
‘No! No car. He doesn’t deserve it.’
‘You’re right, baby. No nice things for that loser. Jesus, by the sounds of him he’d be perfect for my ex so maybe for his “reward” I could set him up with that narcissist.’
‘Oh, bubba, bad ex?’
‘Psh, barely even an ex, to be honest. Ex-situationship more like. The guy was pretty but fucking insufferable and the sex was deeply meh, sounds exactly like your…?’
‘Ro. Stupid name. Could tell it was a nickname… bet it’s short for Roland or Rodney or-’
‘ROGER?!’
‘Yeah! Definitely the kinda loser to be called Roger.’
‘No! Stevie! Baby! You nearly fucked my terrible ex, Roger! I knew the dickhead sounded familiar! Slicked back, jet black hair, terrible eyeliner?? 5’5” even in those shitty cuban heels??? Almost sounds like he’s trying to do a British accent?’
‘Oh my god… I nearly fucked your gross, short ex.’
Eddie was howling. He was wheezing. He might never recover. Roger had fumbled the dream boy and sent him directly into Eddie’s path. Fuck knows what he’d done to make the cosmos keep gifting him so, but he would gladly accept forever.
‘Baby, this is going to make THE best story at our wedding- we might even have to invite the goblin just to see the look on his face when we tell it.’
‘Jesus Christ, you are ridiculous.’
‘Ridiculously into you.’
‘NO! No! Gross! You get one of those a day, don’t be disgusting.’
‘I’m afraid that’s too big of an ask, baby. We’ll just have to compromise, you accept me as I am and I will worship you like the Greek God you are.’
‘Dude, im Spanish.’
‘Ohohoh, as if I will ever forget that, my dulce Esteban.’
‘I knew I’d fucking regret telling you and you have to-’
Steve was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing in the other room.
‘Who the fuck has their phone on loud in this day and age?! Are you a vampire? You have to tell me if you’re a vampire, Esteban, it’s the law.’
‘Ridiculous. You are a ridiculous man. It’s Robbie, she rings when she's home so I don’t start calling around hospitals. Let me just grab that, be right back..’
Eddie was sad to lose Steve’s warmth but truly delighted to watch his ass jiggle on the way out. He heard him answering from the other room.
‘Hey, Bobbin, home safe?...That’s my girl! Well, tell Chrissy I said good job…Yeah, all good, home safe for me too, I…No, no didn’t go home with him…Well, he seemed like he was kinda a douche in all honesty…What do you mean you know?! And you were just gonna let me fuck him?!...It would not have been worth it just to get it over with, you asshole!...Well, maybe I’ve found someone to treat my asshole real special, thanks!...No, I’m not joking!...My Uber delivery guy…STOP SCREECHING AT ME!...I’m fine, Robin! He’s barely 180, I could snap him like a KitKat…Yeah he was-kind of perfect, actually…Exactly what I wanted, yeah…Thanks, Robbie- love you too…Yes, I promise if he eats me you get dibs on avenging me, I’ll leave a note for Dustin in my blood…OK, OK-OK! Oh my GOD- I have to go…Well, he’s kinda still here…Yeah, I think so…I hope so…I dunno if he’s gonna wanna meet people, Rob?-’
‘TELL ROBIN I CAN’T WAIT TO MEET HER AND HER GIRLFRIEND! TOMORROW. BRUNCH. LIKE A PROPER BUNCH OF QUEERS!’
‘...did you hear all that?...Yeah, he is kinda really great, actually…I know…I will…I really want to. OK, I’ll text when we’re up…the place by the laundromat?...No, it has better french toast…I don’t know what Eddie likes yet-’
‘PANCAKES!’
‘...It does have great pancakes too, yeah. Perfect, OK, See you love birds then…shutup!... Love you, Birdie, Bye…bye.’
Steve walked back into the room, soft cock swinging, dried cum flaking, hair all fucked six ways from Sunday, and Eddie knew he’d never seen anyone more beautiful. He held his arms open ready to hold his boy again.
‘Get the fuck up. We are coated in cum and lube, it’s shower time.’
‘Baaaaaby! Just wipe it off and get in hereeee!’
‘You know…my ass wasn’t the only virgin hole…and I’ve been swimming since I was 8…I can hold my breath reaaaal long.’
Eddie nearly brained himself launching off the bed to chase a giggling Steve to the bathroom.
When he woke up the next morning to eager lips wrapping around his cock, he vowed to delete the Uber app the second he could see straight again.
Nothing was ever gonna top this delivery.