Chapter Text
Cross Guild Strategy Meeting, Aboard Buggy’s Gaudily Painted Flagship:
Buggy, draped in a red cape and standing atop a very unnecessary podium, slams his foot down and bellows, “Welcome to the Great Warlord Triumvirate Meeting! I hereby open—”
You interrupt without looking up from your scroll. “No, you don’t. You forgot the treasury report. Again.”
Buggy deflates with a pathetic whimper as you slide the ledgers across the table, each perfectly organized, each tabbed and marked in three languages, with footnotes. Mihawk raises an eyebrow.
Crocodile, arms crossed, flicks his cigar ash. “You’re... who, exactly?”
You don’t bother standing. You just give him a glance.
“Second Mate. Quartermaster. Legal counsel. Accountant. Tax evasion expert. Schedule enforcer. Corporate damage control.” You pause. “Buggy’s babysitter.”
Mihawk stares at you, gaze sharpening. “I assumed someone competent was behind this clown’s survival, but… I thought it was luck.”
You blink at him slowly. “You think luck files tax returns?”
Crocodile leans forward now, intrigued despite himself. “You’re the one who filed the bounties under Cross Guild’s name, aren’t you?”
“Correct,” you say. “Also forged six government documents, blackmailed a vice admiral, and created a fictional island off South Blue to reroute payroll money. It now has a population of twelve and a tourism bureau.”
Buggy, oblivious, beams. “See? I knew hiring her was genius!”
Mihawk takes a long sip of wine, gaze still on you. “You’re terrifying.”
Crocodile mutters, “And underpaid, if you’re working for him.”
“I’m the highest paid member on this ship,” you reply. “I also own 15% of Cross Guild’s private shares, including all clown-related merchandising.”
Buggy’s smile twitches. “Wh-what?!”
“I wrote the contract, Buggy,” you say sweetly. “You signed it during your glitter bender.”
Crocodile bursts into laughter for the first time in years.
Mihawk raises his glass to you. “To the real Warlord.”
You don’t smile. You never do. But your pen moves smoothly as you murmur, “Cheers.”