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John was crying at Sherlock's grave.
Kneeling, head buried, in his hands muttering inaudible curses under his breath. Looking absolutely devastated.
But then again. Who could blame him?
,You bastard!'
,Why'd you leave. Why'd you leave me?!'
The cold wind whipped at his already flushed cheeks.
,John?' Said the sugary sweet voice of Molly Hooper.
She was carrying a bouquet of white lilies, her eyes filled with pity.
John could've laughed at that. Molly of all people was pitying him. But of course she was. After all, she was the sweetest person in the world.
,Are you- well I suppose you're not. But is there anything I can do for you?' She asked cautiously.
,You can't bring him back. So no. There isn't anything you can do for me.'
,John- I.'
,He- he just left. Left me, all alone. With all my bloody feelings. In this bloody world. The world without Sherlock Holmes is pretty much the same. But my world? My world collapses without him. Every room in my mind palace crumbled and every rational thought sizes to exist. All that because of one man. All that because of one bloody idiot that I've come to love so desperately. So wholeheartedly. I am so inevitably ruined without him. I am a wreck. Shell of a man that I was when Sherlock Holmes was still alive.' John blabbered. Words that he wanted to say out loud. For so long.
,I am sorry. I am so damn sorry, Molly. You came here and saw me crying over the man you've loved for so long. And still you offered me kindness and help and a shoulder to cry on. I owe you. So much. Thank you Molly Hooper.' Tears filled his eyes again.
,I come here. Every week. To change the flowers. But Mrs. Huddson told me you come here every day. '
,I do.' He nodded. Laughing. For some strange reason.
,Did you two- I mean were you- well, it's terribly rude of me to ask such a question but- what happened?'
,I don't know Molly. All I know is that he was my friend and suddenly he was so much more than that. And then he was gone...' John kept laughing through his tears. It wasn't funny, yet all he could do was laugh. His heart didn't brake as much when he did.
,I - I should go.' She gently placed the lilies on Sherlock's grave. Picked up the old flowers, leaving the cemetery. Leaving John alone with just a tombstone.
He stated crying again.
Sanking deeper into the ground. Deeper into himself.
John didn't know how long he was there. He didn't even know when the tears stopped.
He just knew he had to leave.
So John kissed the cold tombstone, right where the name Sherlock was, forever carved in stone.
I regret you all the time. He thought. And left with it.
John was crying at his grave.
,You absolute bastard!' Yelled the usually so sweet voice of Molly Hooper.
,How could you do something so heartless. To John of all people. Can't you see how miserable he is?' She kept yelling.
just as Sherlock's hands started shaking.
Sherlock's breathing became more ragged as he slowly sat himself on the ground.
,What-what is happening?! Sherlock are you alright?' She asked her voice quivering.
,I'm having a panic attack.' Said Sherlock suprisingly calmly. Molly started panicking too.
,What?! Sherlock?! How-what? What am I supposed to do. Maybe I should go find John...-'
,Nonono. Please, Molly don't.' Now he started panicking.
,I've had them before just... Sit with me. Please.'
,That's twice as many as I've ever heard you say the word please.' She noted.
,Sherlock, breathe. Just breathe.' Molly laid her palm on his shoulder.
,I- I can't Molly. I can't. All I want to do is tell John I'm alive. But what if he doesn't want me back? What if... He hates me now? Why would he want me back? I ruined everything. I always do when it comes to John.'
,He loves you. Of course he'd want you back.' Molly said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
,Molly I don't have... Friends. He is all I have. But I cannot tell him. It's too dangerous.' Was Sherlock Holmes crying?
,You are such an arsehole. I can't even be mad at you. Because all you want is John to be safe. And I want that too. I cannot blame you for wanting that. It is quite possibly the most noble thing you've ever done. At the same time it's the stupidest thing. Sherlock... God you're so smart that you're stupid. John misses you.'
,I miss him too.' He admitted, more to himself than to her.
,How long?'
,What?' He said, confused.
,How long will this sharade continue? How long will you sit here, every week, all day long, waiting for him to come? How long are you going to have panic attacks from the thought of John not wanting you back? Sherlock not even you can survive that.' Pity was lining her voice.
,One more year.'
,A year!? You have to be kidding.'
,Molly, please. Don't tell him.' He begged.
,I won't. But I won't come back to change your flowers either. I don't want to see you. Not until you tell him.' Molly insisted.
,Tell him. What could I possibly say after such a long time.'
,I don't know Sherlock! Tell him that you've missed him. Tell him that you're sorry. Tell him that you love him! Or pretend you're dead forever, because if you're not going to tell him even one of those things, then you shouldn't come back at all.' Oh, she was mad at him. Sherlock was mad at himself too.
,Molly-'
,Goodbye Sherlock Holmes.' She said, as she walked away.
,Goodbye Molly Hooper.' He called after her.
After a little while. When his breathing was back to normal. He stod up.
And in the same fashion as John, Sherlock went and kissed his tombstone.
,Goodbye my dear John Watson. Until we see eachother again.'