Archive of Our Own

Lisa could’ve been anywhere. Near the sea. Drinking tea. Enjoying her recent acquisitions at the library. Dreaming about things she would never own. The possibilities were endless. They laid in front of her, waiting, like stars wishing to be connected in constellations through imaginary lines traced by her fingertips. 

And yet here she was. Right in front of Jean’s bed. Being hypnotized by the sound of her chest rising and lowering with each breath. 

It was quite addicting, gazing at Jean as the light slowly dimmed. In fact, Lisa could’ve done it all day. There was something mesmerizing in the way the Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius looked when she wasn’t conscious - something young, and pure, and soft, that emerged only the rare times Jean momentarily forgot about the burdens weighing on her shoulders and let herself be. 

Lisa knew she shouldn’t have been collecting those moments like treasures - hoarding them greedily in secret, letting them slowly devour her from the inside. She should’ve been happy to see Jean thriving. Overjoyed by knowing Jean had found her purpose.

And she was. She truly was. 

She just hated herself for being so petty. So constantly needy for attention. So freaking useless. 

Because the Jean in front of her wasn’t Jean. Her Jean. The person who constantly worried about the pile of papers waiting at her desk, being forgetful of her mealtimes, ready to wear her jacket and jump into action at any given moment. She wasn’t this motionless thing. She wasn’t so unaware of her surroundings, so at peace with herself.

“Will she wake up?” Barbara asked in a tiny voice next to her.

Lisa wrapped an arm around her shoulders. For a moment, her hat briefly caressed the tip of the deaconess of the Church of Favonius. And then, without any warning, Barbara whirled around and threw her arms around Lisa’s neck - hugging her fiercely enough to knock a breath out of Lisa’s lungs.

It only took Lisa one heartbeat to collect herself from the shock and smile at herself sadly.

“Of course,” Lisa murmured, her voice just as soothing as her embrace.

Barbara shut her mouth close, preventing her fears from bubbling from her throat and becoming a reality. She couldn’t stop her tears from running, or her chin from trembling, though - no matter how strong she tried to be.

“She’ll be back in no time. Don’t worry.”

For a moment, Lisa almost believed it herself.

⌘

The concoction worked flawlessly during the first few hours. Lisa had brewed it herself, leaving Jean’s room only the time required to let them simmer after gathering the necessary ingredients. By then, Barbara was gone - probably led away by one of the Sisters of the Church of Favonius. Lisa worried about her, just as much as she worried about Klee still waiting in her confinement room, but she liked the quiet more. She wouldn’t have been able to forgive herself if something happened while she was away, and she knew for certain that any other Knight of Favonius would’ve acted in the same way if they were in her shoes.

So she cleaned the room quietly, putting her hands in good use. She started from the bookshelves, and then she moved to the bottom, including the floors and the wardrobe - cleaning everything that managed to draw her attention. 

She did it so efficiently, so silently, she found herself amazed. She wasn’t a clean freak, nor a walking disaster, but under no normal circumstances it would’ve taken so little time to gather the sufficient mental strength to attempt such a heroic mission. Her house, after all, wasn’t the easiest place to move around. Magic books were messily stacked in piles near the walls, cauldrons would wait for ages to be cleaned and polished, while chaotic items left by Klee and the others would be retrieved from the oddest spots. Her paintings, too, would always askew, ready to be aligned with the rest of the furnitures. 

It had nothing to do, though, with the reason why Lisa forced herself to clean the house every few weeks despite being lazy - which consisted in the simple fact she needed a change of scenery, a change of colours in comparison to the ones she had previously chosen, and especially because she needed something to occupy her mind with. 

She did it to see the perplexed expression on Jean’s amused face when she came over for their evening tea and saw that mess being fixed. And also because she liked to hear Jean’s opinions and make small adjustments here and there that would remind her of Jean later.

That was probably why Jean had ended up in Lisa’s house, rather than in her own bedroom. Because Jean spent more time at the Knights of Favonius Headquarters and at Lisa’s house than anywhere else. 

Lisa would’ve loved to say she wasn’t thinking straight when they had taken there here, in Lisa’s bed, exactly where Lisa wanted her to be. And it was true that she hadn’t made that decision on purpose - being too alarmed by Jean’s condition worsening with every moment to be so farsighted.

But in the end, she had to admit it felt right having Jean there, where she could protect her. She wouldn’t have wanted her anywhere else. She was almost sure she wouldn’t have allowed it if someone had proposed it, despite the hundreds of reasons that told her she should’ve moved her near the infirmary, or where her family resided. 

A soft knock came from the door. Lisa didn’t bother craning backwards. The door was open anyway. Besides, she was tired. The house was clean, while Jean hadn’t opened her eyes yet. She didn’t feel like talking, or exchanging formalities. She just wanted to be left alone.

The man behind the door wouldn’t allow it, though. When had he ever listened to her, after all? He was way too used to having his own way however he liked it to listen to Lisa’s silent pleas. And Lisa respected it. Sort of. Probably because she did that too, and quite a lot - even when she wasn’t supposed to.

“Any news?” Diluc asked.

As expected, the Dark Hero was perfectly composed. Lisa admired him for it.

“Not yet.”

Diluc softened a little. “That’s good, isn’t it?” he murmured. “It means there’s still hope.”

Even under the shadow casted by the fire, even while standing on the doorway without daring intruding, Lisa could tell Diluc was trying to cheer her up. Lisa didn’t like it. She wanted to be prepared for anything that was bound to come. Even if that meant accepting the fact Jean was destined to never wake up again.

She also knew that Diluc wasn’t a mere acquaintance, though, and that Jean mattered to him just as much, if not even more. So she didn’t say anything and let him hope, if that’s what he needed to - her gaze still on Jean while attempting to grasp any hint, any evidence, any clue that might’ve led her to a solution.

A blanket was gently placed above her shoulders. 

“Why don’t you come and eat something?” Kaeya asked her.

Lisa could still feel his fingers lingering. She hadn’t realized she was cold until she sensed the pressure of the blanket around her. With her thumbs, she caressed its texture - finding it oddly comforting.

“I’m not hungry,” she said, her voice firm and steady.

Diluc and Kaeya exchanged a gaze.

“Tell us if you need anything,” Diluc said, knowing better than to press her.

Kaeya didn’t leave immediately. She stood behind Lisa’s shoulder, just watching Lisa watching Jean. Lisa knew something was on his mind. Kaeya had his own way to deal with every situation, and the one in front of him had been obvious from the very beginning. But Lisa didn’t turn around and confirm his suspicions.

She just sighed and said a little pityingly: “Not now, Kaeya.”

And Kaeya got the hint. She squeezed her shoulder, turned around and left the door open. Probably to let her know that she wasn’t alone. 

And she knew. She just didn’t feel that way.

⌘

At a certain point, without even realizing, Lisa fell asleep. And it was precisely at that moment that Venti flew to her window and let himself in. 

Lisa’s house was surrounded by flowers and trees. Like any other house in Mondstadt, it was made in rocks, and wood, and manufacts to protect it from the wear and tear of time, being capable of withstanding any possible enemy attacks. 

But Lisa, being the knowledgeable and capable library she was, had placed even more spells around the house out of precaution. No one was allowed to enter or leave during certain hours of the day - especially the night. And by then the sun was just starting to peer in the horizon, casting long shadows above the two women. Technically speaking, Venti shouldn’t have managed to sneak inside.

But Venti was no normal person. He might’ve been one day, or at least the person whose resemblance Venti had stolen from when he had turned into that form. Yet, he still was an Archon. And he had duties, as well as responsibilities towards his own people.

He knelt in front of the bed. Or at least he tried to. Lisa might’ve been asleep, but her body was still hovering toward the upper part of Jean’s bed - as if trying to shield Jean by any possible aggressor. 

Venti smiled sadly at her. She was such a good child. Both of them were. It broke his heart seeing the two of them being put under such dire circumstances. 

He stretched a hand out and let a shimmer of blue light flow from it. A soft breeze traversed the open window, carrying a faint scent of grass and flowers with it. 

Out of reflex, Jean took a big, deep breath - her cheeks regaining some colour. If it hadn’t been for Lisa’s spells and medicine, she would’ve already been dead by now - the scar that crossed her back being still open, oozing more and more poison inside her body with every second.

But as long as there was life, there still was hope. Venti deeply believed that. The poison left her body in small waves - the dark halo that surrounded it hinting at the evil residing in it. Venti took all of it without whining or complaining - transferring the toll on Jean’s shoulders on his own body, who managed to slowly purify it.

By the end of it, Jean was resting dutifully - blonde locks of hair framing the relaxed expression of her face as she dreamt of the sea.

“Sleep well, Jean,” Venti whispered. 

By the time Venti left, Lisa was still deep in her slumber.

⌘

“Lisa?”

Lisa didn’t smile. Didn't blink. Didn’t break out of her reverie. She had been watching Jean sleep from the first moment she had woken up - making sure the progress in Jean’s scars during the night hadn’t just been figments fabricated by her imagination. 

And now she found herself holding her breath for the longest moment, remaining unsurprising still in front of the novelty of Jean having finally opened her eyes. As if she couldn’t believe it. As if it was too good to be true. 

“I thought you were dead.”

The steadiness of her voice surprised her. That wasn’t her voice. She wasn’t full of glee, nor was she the kind of person who would humour whoever she had bumped into, but that firmness - that unflinching undertone - didn’t reflect the pain of the last forty-eight hours. Not at all. Not even in the slightest.

‘You need more to beat a Knight of Favonius,’ Jean had told her one day, laughing.

They were near Starfell Lake, searching for herbs Lisa needed for one of her experiments - the umpteenth one in a long list of failures. Jean, of course, was covered in dirt. She would always be covered in dirt, lately. For every citizen in Mondstads it would be an unusual sight - one she reckoned would’ve sent most spiralling in shock - but Lisa wasn’t surprised. 

Jean had searched for hours in the smallest gaps created by the roots of the monumentary three to find what Lisa was searching for. And when she poured her heart into something, she would get so absorbed in the task at hand to the point of removing every inhibition standing between her and her goal. It was only natural she wouldn’t resort to half-measures and do her best even when it came to such small matters.

But Lisa, despite a little bit amused, couldn’t help but think about Jean almost falling off a small cliff straight into water; about Jean encountering a hilichurl and slaughtering it with a smooth movement of her wrist; about Jean stumbling over a rock and blinking stupidly without understanding how could that have possibly happened to her. 

Without realizing, against her own wish, Lisa’s eyes followed Jean like magnets - catching glimpse of her even while talking with noisy villagers, stopping half-way while practicing spells. Worrying even when she wasn’t supposed to.

‘Besides,’ Jean had added, looking like nothing could graze her - being the invincible warrior everybody knew she was, ‘you’re here with me, aren’t you?’

Lisa sighed and sat down next to her - legs dangling above the lake under their feet.

‘What is that even supposed to mean?’

Jean beamed at her, her features soft and delicate radiating warmth under the pallid light casted by the Anemo crystals. 

‘That everything will go well.'

Lisa didn’t know since when Jean had started considering Lisa her lucky charm, but if that was so, then she was a failure through and through.

Laying in Lisa’s bed, Jean closed her eyes in acknowledgment. “I thought it too,” she admitted, despite hesitantly. “This time, for a moment, I feared it too.”

Her voice was a little hoarse. Her eyes were dazed, as if  just keeping her eyelids open cost her an enormous effort. And her hair. Her hair was loose above her shoulders. She was still resting on her stomach - her white night gown barely covering all the badges on her back - but it was evident that the scar would’ve required some time before allowing Jean to walk again.

Only in that moment - after the relief had finally kicked in, tangled with all the emotions she had suppressed during those final days - Lisa sensed how exhausted she was. Her neck ached. Her fingers had been intertwined for so long, trying to stop them from trembling, they were numb. Her mind was utter chaos. A day of sleeping wouldn’t have been sufficient to return to her old self - let alone an entire week. 

Jean stretched an arm out and covered Lisa’s fingers above her knees.

“But I am here,” she murmured softly. “Aren’t I?”

Lisa should’ve been overjoyed by that. And she was, in some part. But the idea of experiencing such tremendous grief and pain and devastation again and again one day scared her like nothing else had ever managed to.

“How long, Jean?” Lisa asked.

How long until she did something reckless again? Until she put everybody else first except herself? 

They needed her. The deities only knew how much Mondstadt needed her at that moment. Kaeya could fill in for the time being, fulfilling her duties among the high tanks of the Knights of Favonius, but not in definitive terms - not like she could. It was the entire reason she had been chosen for that role once Varka had left. 

Because no one else could replace her.

Jean’s face turned solemn. “I promise I’ll be more cautious.”

Lisa smiled sadly to herself. It felt like a joke. Like something said on the spur of the moment. The umpteenth promise that would’ve been put aside as soon as Mondstadt would be forced to face another impending disaster.

“Sometimes I think you have no care in the world.”

A corner of Jean’s mouth lifted upward in the barest hint of a smile.

“Of course I do,” she murmured. “I’d never leave you guys alone.”

“Are you sure?” The words slipped from her mouth easily, as if they had been waiting for the right chance to be let out. “Do you truly believe it, in the depth of your heart? Or is it just convenient for you to think that way?”

Something shifted in Jean’s light.

“Lisa,” she breathed - not even angry, or affronted, just merely shocked.

Lisa lowered her head. “You have to draw a line,” she whispered. “Or somebody  else will do it for you.”

Jean turned surprisingly still. 

“Is this a threat?”

“It’s a piece of advice,” Lisa told her honestly, not mincing her words. 

She had done it for such a long time - a time that had felt infinite - that she had lost sight of the fact they carried a meaning. Indeed, Jean turned to her for advice for a reason, whenever he needed meaningful insight from an outsider. Because yes, Lisa was her friend, but she was almost one of her companions, as well as the librarian of the Knight of Favonius, and she was sick of dancing around it.

“One day there won’t be a ‘next time’, Jean. Next time we will bury you. And you won’t have anything to be cautious about anymore.”

Jean didn’t say anything. Those words had filled the entire room, removing everything that might’ve stood between them. The atmosphere felt heavy, now. A wrong movement, or word from one of them, and Lisa feared there would be nothing to fill the rift between them. To prevent them from drifting apart and becoming strangers - both of them being too angry, too broken, too prideful about the whole situation to take a step back and admit each other’s fault. 

Because Lisa was at fault, too. Lisa hadn't managed to protect Jean. But Jean had done nothing to protect  herself either. And both of them were fully aware of the implications.

So Lisa took a deep breath and braced herself.

“I understand how important this is for you. And I would never stand in your way. But you have to understand it’s hard for me. For Barbara. For everybody else. If something happens to you, we’ll be devastated.”

Jean squeezed her hand. “I know,” she whispered. Her voice was almost mortified. “I know, Lisa.”

Lisa squeezed it back, releasing her fingers to hold Jean’s hand above her knee. She sniffed. Jean craned a little and saw Lisa’s big eyes trying very hard not to cry. The funny thing was the fact Jean, too, was putting her best effort to avoid crying. And it still wasn’t enough. The moment their eyes met they ended up laughing, and at that point the tears were already running down their cheeks - both of them crying not only out of relief, but also out of fear, and shame, and exhaustion. 

They did it until Lisa emptied everything that had filled her chest to the brim - anxiety, fury, desperation - and Jean found herself more calm and at peace with herself.

“I have never seen you cry before,” Jean noticed.

“Shut up.”

“No, really. You’re pretty when you cry.”

Lisa groaned quietly. “Oh, for Barbatos.”

“I’d say you’re even prettier than when you laugh.”

Lisa shivered, stirring back from that abnormal version of Jean who flirted her way even while being on her deathbed.

“One more word and I’ll kick you off my bed.”

Jean smiled smugly - hugging her pillow with her bare, muscular and long arms. 

“Well, I’d like to see you try.”

Lisa crossed her arms and legs and darted her a contemptuous look.

“Don’t tempt me. Your drool is all over my sheets. And seriously - you snore, Jean. Who would’ve ever thought that the Acting Grand Master of the Knight of Favonius would be such a brat?”

At least that made Jean smile. Lisa wasn’t sure she would’ve been able to face Jean being utterly serious and resentful at her. Not because it had never happened before - they had had their own fair amount of high and lows - but mostly because she would’ve missed Jean like a person would miss a limb. 

She wasn’t just a superior, or a colleague from work after all. They were each other’s best friends - there was no way around it - but they were also something more. Something Kaeya had recognized within seconds more than a handful of times in the past, and that both of them hadn’t admitted to no one else outside of the deep of their hearts. Lisa could tell herself as much as she wanted that Jean was like a younger sister, but in the end she knew she was just lying to herself to keep the pretences up. Even if there was no reason to, reached that point.

Almost unconsciously, Lisa filled the gap between them by caressing Jean’s cheek. Jean leaned against her touch, sighing contently.

“You always smell so good,” Jean murmured.

Lisa raised her eyebrows. “Really?”

Jean nodded, covering Lisa’s hand with her own again - nurturing her warmth, trying to get closer to her, as if a mere touch by Lisa would be enough to sustain her and recharge her from any loss or trace of fatigue.

“Like flowers. And the sun. And herbs.”

Lisa moved her thumb in small strokes. Jean left her.

“That sounds very precise.”

A small, low chortle escaped Jean’s lips. “Give me some rest.”

They stayed like that for a long time - both of them simply enjoying the comfort of each other’s presence, basking under the light as Mondstadt woke up and its citizens prepared to face the umpteenth long day. And eventually, Jean started dozed off - too tired to remain awake.

“I want to sleep,” she murmured, her eyes already closed.

Lisa raised the blankets above her shoulders, adjusting them in a way that would prevent her from getting a cold.

“Sleep, then.”

“Will you stay?”

Under the light of the sun, small shiners circling her eyes, Lisa gave out a nod of acknowledgment.

“Of course,” she answered calmly, almost soothingly.

Lulled by that awareness, Jean let herself fall asleep.

⌘

“She’s never going to stop, right?” Kaeya asked lazily, playing with a coin against the pillar of the Church of Favonius. 

From there you could see the entire city buzzling with activities - every citizen of Mondstadt running errands, waving at the people walking down the streets, getting as busy as they possibly could. It was a nice sight. It gave out an atmosphere of peace. It also made Lisa understand what Jean strived so much to protect on her own now that Verka wasn’t there.

“No,” Lisa said. “Not anytime soon.”

Nor ever, as much as she could tell. Every time she came to that conclusion, a small part of her died. Another, though, resumed on the surface - shining twice as brightly as it did before. 

Sometimes, she felt like those feelings were going to bring her down - suffocating her from the inside. Other times, though, such as now, she came to the realization that maybe love wasn’t something that could steady you. Maybe love was something to fight for - something to be forged and put back together every single time anew despite being broken before.

“You don’t look too sad about it,” Diluc pointed out.

She didn’t know when he had joined them behind her shoulders, but that was just the way Diluc was. He would always pretend to be out of touch, to have nothing to do with them, while still being on the frontline whenever he was needed. 

Like now, with Jean being discharged from the infirmary at any moment. Lisa didn’t need to double check to know that Diluc had already prepared everything needed to celebrate at his tavern that night. Nor that Kaeya was behind everything. It was just the nature of things there in Mondstadt.

“Well,” she admitted, leaning against the balcony, “we wouldn't want her any other way, would we?”

“That sounds like a nice way to start a ballad!” Venti exclaimed, walking toward her.

“Do you really think so, Bard?” Kaeya asked. “It might come out a little bit cringe.”

“Not at all!” With a movement of his wrist, Venti dismissed his comment entirely - making appear a harp between his hands. “I can already envision it in my head. ‘The Ballad of Jean.’ It’s destined to go down in history!”

“Oh, really?” Diluc made fun of him, still not buying it. “And who would sing it?”

Everybody turned automatically toward Barbara, who had been listening the entire time without uttering a single word. She was still a little bit tired, but her complexion had greatly improved - as well as her spirit - as soon as Jean had awoken. They might’ve even exchanged a hug. But only one. Then Barbara had apologized and tried to regain some composure, despite the soft look in Jean’s eyes.

“What?” she almost stammered, her mind having drifted somewhere else.

“She’s perfect for the role!” Venti whispered conspiratorially to Lisa.

Lisa scoffed and shook her head. Where would they be without that silly bard?

“I just—” Barbara suddenly blurted out, taking all of them by surprise. “I just wanted to thank you. All of you. For always looking after my big si— For looking after Jean, I mean.”

Diluc rested a hand above her shoulder. “No worries,” he murmured. “We got her.”

“Even if she doesn’t make it the easiest job in the world,” Kaeya added with no bite - almost fondness.

Venti lowered his eyes toward his harp. Something flashed in his eyes for the briefest moment - something Lisa didn’t manage to grasp, but that was very close to sadness.

“Our Acting Grand Master might think she’s replaceable,” he said. “But Mondstadt needs her just as much.”

Lisa tilted her head. And in no time, Venti returned his old self, regaining some cheerfulness.

“Wouldn’t it be extraordinary, though?” he added. “If we managed to preserve peace in our lands while having each other’s back. If we continued being free of making our own choices and being ourselves fully under the same sky. If that ever happens in our timeline, it will all be thanks to our joint efforts.”

Lisa raised her head to the sky. A breeze almost pushed her hat back, whirling playfully around her with her. Lisa grabbed it and placed it lower, smiling to herself.

“If that could ever happen,” she murmured, “wouldn’t that be the best possible outcome?”

“What are you doing here?”

They all turned around to see Jean, wearing her formal attire, stare at them as if she had no idea what they were doing there. As if she didn’t think that her discharge was something meant to be celebrated, after nearly dying.

Realizing such a thing, they couldn’t do anything except staring at each other and say in unison: “Nothing.”

Diluc and Kaeya exchanged a baffled stare. Venti sighed, exasperated. Lisa and Barbara saw the amusement on each other’s faces and fell into giggles.

“You’re being strange,” Jean murmured, scowling. “But for today I’ll allow it.”

“How benevolent of you, Jean,” Kaeya said.

While walking past Lisa, Jean winked in her direction. “What can I say? That’s just the way I am.”

Jean walked between Kaeya and Diluc. Diluc put strenuous effort into not rolling his eyes - his arms crossed together, his long red hair shining under the sun as he looked somewhere else. But Kaeya grinned at her - turning toward both of them with his whole chest.

“We have work to do, guys.”

She was talking about Mondstadt. About all the papers piled on her desk and the matters that had the utmost priority at the moment - which meant fixing rooftops, helping merchants and assisting elderly people. But that alone was good. That alone would mean being there for those who needed it. And that was what Mondstadt stood up for. 

The knights of Favonius on patrol, behind them, stood straight, showing respect for their Acting Grand Master.

“Can I come too?” Klee let out while jumping around them.

“No,” Lisa murmured, placing her hands on Klee’s shoulders and dragging her away. “You’re coming with me.”

Klee complained and whined the entire time, but eventually she obliged and followed Lisa toward the library, where a full lesson about numbers and letters awaited her, despite her longing for explosives after days of confinement.

Jean and Lisa had just taken different paths when Barbara told them to wait.

“Be careful, okay?” she said to Jean, who was blinking quickly.

Jean remained still. Very, very still. Indeed, Kaeya had to pinch her arm to make her react. But when she did, Jean couldn’t have been the happiest.

“Of course!” she exclaimed.

Before retreating to her chores, Barbara turned around Lisa and, to everyone's greatest surprise, screamed in a small voice: “You too!”

And then she ran away as if she had been chased by a ghost, or just by her own embarrassment - not giving herself a moment of solace or relief.

Lisa pointed a finger to herself, amazed. “Me?” she asked Jean.

Why her?

“It looks like Barbara is playing favourite,” Kaeya commented, not with a tinge of envy.

Venti threw his head back, his hands on his hips. “Why is it never me?” he complained.

“You’re too loud,” Diluc explained to him. Kaeya nodded profusely.

Among benters, and laughs, and snarky remarks, they all went their own way - Jean waving Lisa goodbye as she smiled at her quietly.