Chapter Text
>>><<<
It had been a month.
Hadn’t it?
Suguru was not sure anymore. Lately, time had become more and more distorted. One minute he was eating breakfast, then suddenly it was time for dinner. One morning, it was Monday, but then in the blink of an eye, it was Saturday again. Every day went by too fast, too blurry. His days were nothing but some sort of grey clouds, whirling together and forming a giant blackhole.
For so long now, Suguru had been functioning like a robot. He woke up, went to class, ate as much as he could, did his missions, and most importantly, put on a happy smile on his face; Otherwise, questions would come up, and Suguru was in no mood to answer any. Every day felt like torture. Suguru tried to hide his anger, his grief, his fear. He had to be normal for the sake of everyone else in the school. All of them had suffered enough already, and Suguru didn’t want to be the new burden they had to be concerned about.
Suguru wanted to be strong; he wanted to forget. He tried everything to distract his mind from the horrible scenes that haunted him day and night. Suguru was tired and desperate. And unfortunately, Suguru wasn’t deaf. He could hear the gunshot sound while he was in class; he could hear the excruciating clapping as he stood under the shower; and that daunting laugh. Ohh, Suguru could hear it, echoing in his head throughout the night, eating away every bit of his sanity as he stared at the wooden ceiling in his room.
Suguru was not an idiot; he knew his mind was spiraling. His brain kept whispering stuff to him every night, keeping him awake with all the terrible things. And the worst part was, Suguru was starting to listen.
Fushiguro Toji’s voice was loud and clear, and as Suguru closed his eyes, the picture became lucid. Piercing green eyes bored into his violet ones. A pool of warm blood gathered at his feet, and in the middle of it, the body of a once charming girl, a girl whom Suguru promised a second chance. dead.
Suguru supposed, at the end of the day, there was no one to blame but himself. He was weak, acting so arrogantly that he thought he was as strong as Satoru. He was too focused on his illusion alone that he failed to fulfill his duty.
Now, this was his karma. To be stuck in a limbo as it sucked his soul into an endless dark abyss, where eventually, if fate had decided to spare him, Suguru would die a gruesome death. Of course, that was asking too much. Even Suguru knew he couldn’t afford death. He had been greedy, and so, Suguru would accept anything the universe decided to punish him with. Even if it meant he would lose himself at the end.
>>><<<
“Suguru, are you there?”
A voice came from the door, asking the same question from yesterday. Suguru needed to answer. He didn’t want to, but he needed to. Otherwise, people would be worried about him, and Suguru didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, especially him.
Still, it was so hard to function these days, even as simple as speaking. He was constantly deprived of energy, tired from the endless number of missions the higher-ups forced down his throat. He was so tired he wanted to sleep forever.
“Suguru, are you in there?” Another banging came from the door.
Ugh, now Suguru definitely needed to answer. “Yes, Satoru.” He said in a rather too pathetic a tone, and Satoru must have noticed it.
There was silence at the door, though Suguru knew the white-haired teen was still standing at the door. He sighed into his pillow. Suguru didn’t have the energy to move, but if he didn’t, Satoru would end up barging in anyway, pestering him all night with dumb stuff. He drew every last bit of energy he had and forced himself to walk to the door and open it. Surely, he found the white-haired teen standing there.
“What do you want, Satoru?”
Satoru grinned and used five seconds to inspect Suguru’s state. They both knew Suguru looked like a hobo right now, but even so, Satoru said nothing about it.
“Wanna get dinner together?” Instead, he asked.
Oh, it’s dinner already? Suguru turned his head around and glanced at the window. Sure enough, the sky was dark. And oh, his room was also dark.
“Let’s go get soba, yeah? My treat!”
Suguru was a bit surprised by the gesture and turned to give Satoru a confused look. Usually–and by usually, meaning all the time— Satoru would get Suguru to pay for their meal. Atrocious, in Suguru’s opinion, considering Satoru was literally ‘Gojo’s clan shining heir’, though, at the end of the day, Suguru would indulge in his whims. However, Suguru could see right through his scheme; this was not going to be a simple dinner. Satoru wanted to talk.
“Satoru, I’m not really in the mood for soba right now.”
Suguru didn’t like lying to Satoru, but then again, he was not exactly doing that. Suguru was, indeed, not in the mood for soba. As a matter of fact, he wasn’t in the mood for anything, especially talking.
“If you don’t want soba, we can get something else! What do you want? I can get you anything!”
Suguru clicked his tongue. “I’m not hungry right now. You should go get dinner with someone else.”
Just when Suguru was about to close the door, Satoru pushed it back with his hand. “Wait!”
The action startled both of them, but Satoru quickly recovered his composure while he kept his palm on the door.“Suguru, please…Talk to me. I don’t know what to do here–I…Can we please just get dinner together?”
Even behind those black sunglasses, Satoru’s eyes pierced through the screen. Suguru clenched his hands and looked away, trying to distract his mind from Satoru’s gaze. He was so tired. Why couldn’t Satoru just leave him alone? “Satoru, can we not do this right now? I’m tired, can you please just let me sleep?”
Satoru looked utterly defeated, and slowly, he removed his palm and let Suguru shut the door on him. Suguru was still standing by the closed door, frozen by his own poison of words. He wanted to get back to bed, but his feet refused to move, as if telling him that his mouth had made the wrong choice, that he should go open the door and accept Satoru’s dinner invitation. Suguru knew Satoru was also still there. He could feel Satoru’s presence loud and clear behind the door.
However, as the time kept ticking, Satoru didn’t knock, and Suguru never opened the door.
>>><<<
Suguru gazed at the black orb in his hand, round and sparkly, beautiful and heinous at the same time. He sighed and slumped back onto the bench. The weather was sunny today, and unfortunately, their dorms didn’t provide any air conditioning. He glanced back at the orb in his hand. He had to do it; Suguru didn’t have any other choice. Suguru opened his mouth and swallowed, and suddenly, an abominable horrid spread through his tongue. It was bitter and disgusting. He blocked his mouth shut with his palm, trying to force himself to swallow the globe of a curse. Once he felt the curse settle in his belly, Suguru reached for a candy from his pocket. He was not a fan of sweets, but Suguru would eat anything to get rid of the aftertaste on his tongue.
It had become harder to ingest curses these days. Sure, it was always unpleasant; however, Suguru found it became more and more repulsive. The idea of ingesting this ball in order to save those people, the non-sorcerers, the monkeys.
Suguru hated it. Suguru hated them. Those pathetic monkeys. Here he was, sacrificing his life, day and night, exorcising these monsters, while those weak apes existed mindlessly without a care? How absurd!
“Suguru! What are you doing out here?”
Oh, Satoru is back! The white haired teen jogged towards him and took a seat beside Suguru. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Suguru felt warm inside as Satoru smiled at him. In truth, he missed his friend terribly. They were always together, whether it was for missions, classes, eating, showers, etc. Now, Satoru was different.
Opps–How ridiculous.
It was Suguru who was different now. There was a time when they were the strongest; the strongest duo. How naive for Suguru to think like that.
“Suguru? Are you okay?” Satoru’s voice jolted him back to the present.
“It’s hot inside,” Suguru quickly said, “I’m just looking for fresh air…Are you finished with your mission?”
Satoru was quiet for a minute, as if analyzing Suguru’s lame excuse for his dissociation, “Yeah…Anyway, are you busy right now?”
Suguru contemplated his answer for a while. If he said ‘no’, Satoru would definitely drag him to do something he didn’t want to do. If he said ‘yes’...Well, Suguru would, yet again, disappoint his friend.
Then again, this game of chicken had become spoiled. Suguru knew his tendency to run away would do him no good for his relationship with Satoru. So, perhaps it was time to connect with Satoru again. Because, care to admit, Suguru did miss him terribly.
“I’m not busy,” Suguru decided, finally.
Satoru instantly shot up and grabbed Suguru’s hand, “Alright then. Let’s go!”
Suguru balanced himself as Satoru practically dragged him, “Let’s go where?”
.
.
.
.
This was definitely not what Suguru had in mind when Satoru said they were going out for snacks. He’d expected something casual, maybe that crepe stand Satoru loved, or the little waffle shop near the station. But this? This was another level entirely.
The moment he stepped inside, Suguru realized this was the most luxurious place he had ever set foot in, a genuine five-star restaurant.
While Satoru confidently handled the ordering, Suguru couldn’t stop himself from taking everything in. The place looked like a massive glass greenhouse, flooded with soft light and overflowing with blooms in every color. Crystal chandeliers shimmered overhead like frozen rain, and a small marble fountain gurgled gently in the center, koi fish drifting lazily beneath the rippling surface. In the corner, a pianist in white played a slow, elegant melody, accompanied by two violinists whose bows moved like silk through the air. The music alone could’ve made him forget why they were there.
Then came the food. Suguru let out a small gasp when the waiter arrived, carrying a three-tiered stand that looked like something out of a dream. Every layer was perfect. The bottom tier was stacked neatly with smoked salmon and cucumber sandwiches, and the middle tier was lined with warm scones beside jars of strawberry jam, lemon curd, and thick clotted cream. And the top was a collection of colorful sweets: glossy macarons, tiny fruit tarts, slices of cheesecake, and a delicate Mont Blanc that looked almost too pretty to touch.
“How do you like it, Suguru?”
Satoru asked as he poured Suguru his tea. Suguru didn’t even realize that the waiter had brought them their tea set with the most beautiful ceramic patterns and silverware. The tea smelled nice, calming, and soft; even just the aroma had Suguru relaxed and sleepy. Satoru offered him his cup, and Suguru slowly brought it to his mouth, sipping the liquid carefully as the elegant taste spread through his mouth and warmed his throat.
Just like that, Suguru closed his eyes and sighed in contentment. How long has it been since he sat down and had a nice cup of tea?
“It’s honey lavender blend. They say it’s good to relieve stress.” Satoru said as he sipped his tea. “Do you like it?”
Suguru’s eyes finally landed on the white haired teen. Satoru seemed nervous, and by then, Suguru understood that Satoru did this for him. This tea party was for him! And finally, for the first time in a whole month, Suguru genuinely smiled.
“I love it, Satoru. Thank you.” Suguru could tell he was blushing right now, though he would blame it on the tea. But still, he couldn’t help it. Satoru’s gesture truly moved Suguru’s stubborn heart.
Nevertheless, their afternoon was wonderful. They finally had a conversation where Suguru didn’t deflect, and Satoru didn’t tiptoe around. Satoru talked about movies, their school assignments, and the new Digimon game. Suguru didn’t feel like talking much, but it was still nice listening to Satoru’s rambling about normal stuff.
“I miss you, Suguru,” Satoru finally whispered.
Suguru could see it in his eyes, his dazzling blue eyes; Satoru was being honest. There was longing in his eyes and hope in his words. And when Satoru’s hand moved forward to squeeze Suguru’s own, there was only desperation in his touch.
Suguru slightly bit his lip and squeezed Satoru’s hand back, “I miss you too.”
It was small, but both of them could hear it. Satoru smiled and brought Suguru’s hand to his mouth. The soft flesh of his lips lightly pressed against the bony knuckle, kissing it softly, lovingly. Suguru felt self-conscious and squirmed in his seat. Satoru was never this charming. And seeing Satoru acting so romantic to him made Suguru feel, somehow, conflicted.
“Hey, Suguru. What do you say we go to Okinawa this weekend?” Satoru said after a while.
Suguru stoned instantly. “Huh?” His mellow expression gradually faded. “What do you mean, Satoru?”
“Well, I have an overnight mission there, and I thought we could go together!” Satoru continued.
Suguru blinked at him. “I don’t understand. Did Yaga tell you to take me with you?”
“Well, no–”
“Then the higher-ups?”
“No, Suguru. What I’m saying is…Let’s go to Okinawa together. It will be fun!”
Suguru’s mouth slightly dropped. “Satoru, you’re going on a mission, not a vacation. Not to mention the higher-ups wouldn’t be pleased if they found out we were fooling around instead of doing missions! I can’t go with you.”
“You don’t have to worry about that! I’ll find some excuses so you can go with me. It’ll be okay, just trust me.”
Suguru was still wary. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Satoru.”
Satoru grew more agitated, reaching for Suguru’s hand and squeezing it tight. “Suguru, please. It’ll be only for the weekends.” Satoru’s hand tightened around Suguru’s again, more insistently this time. “Come on, Suguru,” he pleaded. “It’s just for the weekends. You won’t have to do anything! Just be there with me. Please.”
Suguru shook his head, eyes lowered. “Satoru…” His voice was quiet, almost tired. “You know I can’t. I have missions–”
“You can!” Satoru shot back, his tone sharper now. “You just don’t want to.”
Suguru exhaled slowly, trying to stay calm. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” Satoru pressed, his words quick and heavy. “Because every time I ask you to come with me, you always find a reason not to. The cafe last week? You said you were busy. The trip to Kyoto? You backed out the night before.” He laughed weakly, though there was no humor in it. “And now this. It’s just a weekend, Suguru. Just one.”
Suguru’s jaw tightened.
Satoru blinked; his hand loosened slightly. “I’m not asking for forever,” he said, softer now. “Just a little time.” Satoru’s expression faltered, the fight draining from his voice. “You always pull away,” he murmured, almost to himself. “Even when I’m right here.”
Suguru still didn’t answer, because if he did, he wasn’t sure what might come out.
“Why were you running away from me?” Satoru muttered.
Suguru watched the boy in front of him closely. Satoru looked desperate, on edge, and Suguru worried that one wrong word might make him burst. To be honest, Suguru, too, was struggling to keep his own emotions in check. His palms were getting damp, and he bit the corner of his lip so hard it started to sting. So, he did what he always did to deflect Satoru’s raging confrontation.
He gave a small, uneasy smile. “I’m not running away from you, Satoru,” he said softly, the words almost trembling on his tongue. Satoru’s eyes didn’t waver, and that only made Suguru’s chest tighten. “And I’m not trying to make it seem like I am,” he murmured, voice thin with the effort of staying calm.
Satoru exhaled sharply, dragging a hand through his hair. “Then what are you doing, Suguru?” His tone wasn’t harsh, just tired and strained. “Every time I try to talk to you, you act like it’s nothing. Like I’m the only one who feels anything here.”
Suguru looked away, lips parted, but no sound came out. He wanted to answer, but the lump in his throat made it impossible.
“I’m not mad,” Satoru said quietly, shaking his head. “I just... don’t get it. You say you’re not running, but you keep putting distance between us. What am I supposed to think?”
Suguru’s fingers curled against his palms, trying to stop them from trembling. “It’s not like that,” he whispered. “I just…I don’t know how to make it right.”
Satoru’s expression softened, “Then at least stop pretending you’re fine,” he said. “I’d rather hear the truth than that smile you keep forcing all this time.”
The silence that followed felt fragile, like even breathing too loudly might break it. Suguru didn’t speak. He sat there, hands limp at his lap, eyes fixed somewhere past Satoru’s shoulder. The silence stretched long enough to make the air between them feel heavy, almost suffocating.
Satoru waited. For a second, it looked like he might say something else. Another question? Maybe something softer? But then Satoru’s phone buzzed in his pocket, breaking the stillness like a crack through glass.
He glanced at the screen, his expression shifting. “...I have to take this,” he muttered, almost apologetic.
Suguru only nodded. He didn’t trust his voice not to waver. He only watched as Satoru turned slightly away to take the call. His voice was low, curt, a tone Suguru knew too well. Whatever it was, it wasn’t something he could ignore.
When Satoru finally hung up, the air between them felt thinner somehow. He glanced back at Suguru, guilt flickering in his eyes.
“I have to go,” he said quietly.
Suguru nodded once. “I figured.”
Satoru hesitated, just for a second, like he wanted to stay, like there was something he still wanted to say. But duty pulled stronger. He gave a small nod in return, almost reluctant, before stepping past him.
Suguru didn’t turn to watch him leave. He just froze there, staring at the space Satoru had occupied, feeling the weight of everything left unsaid settle deep in his chest.
>>><<<
It had been a week since they had their little ‘date’. A week since the argument that neither of them had truly finished. And since then. It was the first time they had gone this long without talking to each other, at all.
Suguru had replayed it in his head more times than he cared to admit. The look in Satoru’s eyes before that phone call, the way his voice softened just before he left. Every version of the memory ended the same, with Suguru sitting there, saying nothing when he should have.
Now, standing outside Satoru’s door, he felt that same tightness in his chest return. The hallway was quiet, the kind of quiet that made every sound feel louder than it should be. Suguru could hear his heartbeat, the faint rustle of his sleeve as he clenched and unclenched his hand. He hesitated before knocking. Part of him hoped Satoru wasn’t there. The other part, the bigger one, hoped he was. After a moment, the door opened.
Satoru looked tired. Not the kind of tired that sleep could fix, but the kind that came from carrying too much. His hair was messier than usual, and his glasses hung slightly crooked on his nose.
“Suguru,” he said, blinking as if he wasn’t sure whether to be surprised or relieved.
“Hey,” Suguru said quietly, his voice almost a whisper. He tried to smile, but it faltered halfway.
They both were silent after that. The air shifted in a peculiar way, and Suguru didn’t know how to act. Usually, it was Satoru who initiated conversation between them, but now, Satoru seemed rather awkward. He fidgeted so much and put on this fake eire smile.
“I didn’t think you’d come by,” Satoru said. His tone was light, but his fingers drummed restlessly against the doorknob.
“I should’ve come sooner,” Suguru admitted. Satoru hummed, nodding, though his eyes flicked toward the crack of the door again. “Are you busy?” Suguru asked quietly. “You seem… distracted.”
Satoru’s breath hitched, just slightly. “No, no. Just tired.”
However, there it was again. That fake, lame smile. Suguru studied the sorcerer before him. The faint tension in his shoulders, the way he leaned toward the door as if guarding it.
“Is there something wrong, Satoru?” he asked, eyes narrowing to the white haired teen before him, analyzing Satoru’s expression. Suguru knew he was hiding something because Satoru looked absolutely guilty.
Before Satoru could come up with a lame excuse, a small voice emerged from behind. “Gojo-san, I’m hungry.”
Suguru was frozen, staring at the small figure standing behind Satoru’s legs. A boy. Probably four or five years old. A stranger, and yet, Suguru memorized that face anywhere. Those deep green eyes, sharp jaw, and even the scowl expression.
Satoru was visibly panicked, trying to usher the kid back inside. “Not now, kid!” Satoru shifted, half-blocking the boy without making it obvious. “Didn’t I tell you to stay inside?” He said quickly, his voice careful.
The little boy blinked up at Satoru, unimpressed. “You were taking too long.”
The casual reply made Suguru’s chest tighten. The kid’s tone, calm, blunt, and far too composed for his age, was another familiar echo he couldn’t ignore.
Suguru’s voice came out quieter than he meant. “Who… is this?”
Suguru’s gaze lingered on the boy, taking in every detail: the dark lashes, the shape of his nose, the faint scowl that seemed instinctive. It was all too much like him.
Like Toji.
The name flickered across Suguru’s mind, unspoken but loud. He felt a chill crawl up his spine. Fear, disbelief, anger; all tangled with something heavier he couldn’t name.
Satoru quickly shoved the kid back before closing the door. He hesitated for a while, glancing at the closed door behind him. When he finally looked at Suguru again, there was a flicker of guilt in his expression.“His name’s Fushiguro Megumi.”
Suguru’s mind reeled. That name. That abominable name. Flashes of that day, of Toji’s half-smile, his quiet, reckless confidence, the way his story had ended far too abruptly. Suguru was killing himself trying to bury that memory. And now… here he was again. Haunting Suguru through that small boy’s face
Suguru’s breath faltered. “...Fushiguro?” He repeated the name slowly, as if saying it might summon that monster back from death. “You mean…”
Satoru nodded once. “He’s Toji’s son.”
.
.
.