Work Text:
“It’ll be just a moment. Try not to hold your breath.” The ROB I had just finished negotiating with advised.
It wasn’t an order but since the ROB had seemed to favor me, as I had apparently earned this reincarnation by saving their favorite human, I did as they said and breathed. All my senses went dizzy – my stomach turned, every hair felt mussed, color swarmed my eyes, and more - so it wasn’t even breathing. It did, however, help some to focus on that rather than all the conflicting input.
The portaling of my soul or whatever they did, ended abruptly and I found myself standing in a doorway, posture hunched and uncertain and breathing somewhat unevenly. I straightened up and tried to act like I belonged.
Luckily, this setting probably didn’t have magic, so as long as I wasn’t too obviously a body snatcher, I should be fine. At least, that was the hope.
Of course, just as I reassured myself, one of the women– the older blonde - snapped that she didn’t want me there. Or, at least, I assumed she was referring to me. I hesitated, not sure how to argue my case but not willing to retreat since whoever I was now had presumably had reason to be here.
The only man in the room shut her down with an attitude that suggested she should just let us all get this over with. Since it looked like that was the best invitation I was going to get from this group, I went in enough to not be blocking the doorway but close enough I could exit at speed.
The man paused for further objections before he began to read off the document in his hands. This let me know I was at a will reading. Which was great as I would be expected to listen and not participate and there was a good chance names would come up so when I did have to talk to these people I wouldn’t come off as some ignorant or callous money-grubbing monster.
Or more monstrous anyway, as the cold shoulder I was getting suggested that it was too late for a good impression. Though as two older women on the couch descended into bickering, I mused that I might just be dealing with a generally disagreeable bunch.
I wanted to tune them out and focus on the will. However, I also needed to understand more of where I was. The arguing revealed that the older women were estranged sisters and, based on looks, the twenty-somethings were probably their daughters.
That meant I was probably a family member too. Sure, they didn’t seem to like me very much but, but given how fractious these people seemed to be, I couldn’t rule it out. The question in that case would be why. Had I done something worthy of disapproval or I was just related in a way they didn’t like to acknowledge, like being the daughter of some third disgraced sister.
Though the man hadn’t tried to play the family unity in times of grief card when the older blonde had objected to me. Maybe I was the help or the daughter of the help, and they didn’t think that merited even a token monetary gift?
I restrained the urge to fidget. I would be finding out soon anyway. No one here seemed like the type to keep their thoughts to themselves. Well, except maybe for the twenty-something not on the couch with the others who was only partially managing to seem comfortable.
I was certain that I’d be getting something. It had been part of my deal. If I wanted modern conveniences (or their magical equivalent) I couldn’t be sent to a world I knew well. Forgoing foreknowledge and the joy of joining a story I loved let me ask for additional restrictions – a world with no world ending stakes, a world not based on horror, a world not based on hentai, and some assets so that modern conveniences so central to the deal weren’t out of reach for me.
Once we got to the part of the will that dealt with my promised resources, I was sure I’d hear all about how it made the room feel. I began to brace myself for it. Only to be blindsided as we all got to be shocked as it turned out that I’d be getting basically everything.
What the hell? I’d asked for enough to be comfortable! Not for the kind of money that meant casually referring to a collection of Fabergé eggs as “trinkets”. Possibly they were worth less wherever I currently was. Or it could be the ROB being overly generous or messing with me? Both?
Both was also possible as, wow, had they all moved past the surprise quickly to settle on outrage. Which I could have coped with. Except their exclamations about why that couldn’t be what the will said revealed exactly which world I had found myself in.
The shock over my new wealth was one thing but this new shock was exponentially worse. I found I could recognize where I was. This was Gossip Girl! And I was that girl that was hired to pretend to be Serena’s cousin.
Fuck! He’d just read out the name. I needed to remember it. Ivy. Ivy Dickens. I was Ivy Dickens, and that meant no one in this room was my friend. Though I only knew that – beyond their current behavior – from what I’d unwillingly absorbed from my roommate.
I supposed that was better than complete ignorance but how? I had agreed to go to a world I didn’t know. Did that mean my other terms were void? Gossip Girl didn’t have horror elements, but I didn’t have Ivy’s memories. What if this was a version of New York that was beset by zombies or something?
I franticly went over the bargain I had just made when it occurred to me that ROB had said I didn’t meet the requirements to be sent to a modern world that I “knew well”. I breathed a huge mental sigh of relief.
The relief didn’t last though. My small freak out had been long enough for Lily and her sister, whose name, Gossip Girl revelation aside, I still didn’t know, to descend upon me. Not that knowing the name would have been especially helpful right now as they were not doppelgangers of their actors.
They were quick to accuse Ivy of wrongdoing. Which was a bit rich since whichever of these women wasn’t Lily was the one who hired Ivy to play her daughter in the first place and Lily had been convicted of fraud herself.
Firing back my own accusations would be the wrong move here though. I wanted time in private to come to terms with my new circumstances and all my knowledge right now was both secondhand and incomplete. What if I alluded to Lily’s house arrest but it hadn’t happened yet?
Far safer to placate them for now and talk to them later on my own terms. So, I put my hands up in a conciliatory manner and excused their rudeness. “This was a shock. For everyone. And grief … grief is hard. Let’s not have this discussion while we’re angry. Cece wouldn’t want -”
“Because you poisoned her against us!” Serena cut in. “How else could you have convinced her to give you everything?”
“I didn’t ask her to do that.” I told her truthfully. After all, I had only gotten here a few minutes ago and from what I knew about the Ivy subplot, she hadn’t tried for that either. For one, Cece had been portrayed as a shrewd woman who would not have been easily manipulated. And for another, that would absolutely been included in Ivy's downfall if true.
“And she did think of you too. I wasn’t the only person in the will.” I continued. Of course, I hadn’t been able to make out much over Lily and her sister arguing but I had heard at least one other recipient.
“Let’s put aside the inheritance.” Lily said. It should have sounded magnanimous, but it sounded poisonous instead. Partly because, as her sister brought up, the money wasn’t meaningless to the rest of the room. But mostly I'd put her tone down to her follow up statement accusing me of murder.
As Lily had already sent one innocent man to prison, that was no idle insinuation. I gave her the dignity she deserved, none, by turning to the man who’d been reading the will and asking, “Is there anything time sensitive? Any requests Cece had that we need to deal with urgently?”
He was startled. Perhaps he thought he’d get to stay out of the drama. To seem neutral. But I knew better. Despite his legal obligation to remain impartial he’d pretty much instantly seized on a method of denying Ivy what she had been willed.
I understood where he was coming from. She wasn’t family. She wasn’t from a good background that would lend itself to “properly” stewarding wealth. She had successfully lied to them before. She’d gotten a taste for the good life that made her seem desperate and grasping.
But so what? Hadn’t the lot of them been born to wealth instead of working for it? Wouldn’t a proper executor be able to give her the necessary guidance? Was being a comfort to an old, dying woman not worth any consideration?
I might be biased in my sympathies. I was Ivy now. But from what I knew she’d been hired to be someone’s daughter. She had used the identity to earn money she desperately needed, not to hurt people or steal. She may have even thought she was doing a good thing depending on how the job had been presented to her – helping some other girl get her due. She may not have even known that Lola wasn’t in on it. And she had put the identity away and gone back to her own life after.
The family she had infiltrated had the right to hurt feelings. Especially for the part where she’d let Serena pull her back in instead of confessing or fobbing her off with excuses. However, given they seemed willing to handwave the actions of the woman who had hired her in the first place, I definitely felt there should be a limit to how much they acted on those feelings.
I chanced a glance around to check reactions and while Serena and her aunt looked offended, Lily just looked determined. Not a great sign. Lola had managed to slip away proving how smart she was. I badly wanted to follow her example so I tried to prompt the man holding the will a little, “It was hard to hear.”
He gathered himself enough to answer a reluctant, “No. There’s nothing time sensitive.”
I nodded and tried to catch up with Lola. I was too late, but my intense distraction proved useful as Ivy’s legs automatically led me over by the coffin. That was useful as I could bow my head over her body as if grieving and let my thoughts race. Where was Ivy’s stuff? Hopefully she’d checked a coat or a bag I could find a hotel card in or something. At least there should be an ID I could check so I would be able to answer basic questions like her age and where she was from.
Of course, Lily and her husband showed up because it was where they lived. As Lily sank onto a seat, I realized I recognized what was happening. My roommate preferred to watch on the big screen in the living room. Our living room had been next to the kitchen and not divided by walls, so I had caught more of Gossip Girl than I wanted while cooking.
What had been annoying at the time, now let me orient myself a little. This was supposed to be the scene where Ivy kicks them all out. I wondered if I should do the same. I absolutely wasn’t going to follow canon. I had no intention of letting them set me up for bribery charges.
That had been one scene that I had engaged with. If only to heckle Ivy. What hadn’t she just taken the money and left these people? Maybe she’d seen a nicer side of them when they’d thought she was “one of them”, but all I had seen were spoiled rich people who were finding some new way to be horrible to one another every time I passed by my roommate’s marathon of the show.
Seriously, every time I went by, they were blackmailing someone or cheating on one another or sabotaging each other’s job. Why hadn’t Ivy just taken the money and run? No one else had to worry about losing that money. And why had she trusted the guy handling the will? Had she actually believed that there was someone with the clout to help her with being blacklisted by Lily, but that person also was in need of money?
I stood over the coffin and tried to think rationally about this.
What were the benefits of kicking them out? I’d roughly know where and what they were doing for a few days. It would give me space to think instead of hurriedly trying to figure out where Ivy had been staying on the sidewalk outside. If I was here alone, then I could go through their stuff and check for blackmail material which I might need to keep them from trying anything too nasty with me.
What were the disadvantages? Lily would be even madder. Even I didn’t think much of her, Lily’s mother had just died. It would feel mean and look malicious in the court of public opinion and any later legal proceedings. This wasn’t a TV show any more so, even with legal ownership, I had a hard time believing they would up and leave just because I said to.
What would happen if I let them stay? I couldn’t use the apartment, but it was strange and uncomfortable surroundings for me anyway. It could be a peace offering if I let them stay. Well, as long as they understood it was something I was giving them.
I’d much prefer if they viewed me as open to compromise and attempted negotiations instead of their more unsavory methods of dealing with people. I was pretty sure they hadn’t murdered anyone until the last season but there was no reason to tempt fate.
I didn’t need all of the inheritance. I just wanted enough to orient me in this new world and stay comfortable for a while. Lily had cut checks for tons of people to make them go away. I had no interest in being embroiled in Gossip Girl drama so it would be an easy promise to stay away. How hard would it be to just let me leave with a sum of money that would mean nothing to her but be lifechanging for me?
It shouldn't be hard at all. Or so I thought. Lily proved me wrong when she looked over and saw me and immediately choose violence. Metaphorically. Instead of ignoring me or telling me the wake was over, she was confrontational. I was still undecided so I tried to buy myself a little time by asking for “just a little longer” with Cece.
Lily was incensed. I almost expected her to leap up, and bitch slap me. Luckily, she went with just telling me to leave instead. Of course, it was my place now and I told her so. I told her that I’d be willing to let her stay, and she almost exploded.
Her rejoinder was less than respectful and brought up her suspicion that I had tricked Cece and there was no way we had cared about one another. I, with much difficulty, refrained from pointing out her hypocrisy. Hadn’t Lily just been telling her sister that inheriting more meant that she was the more beloved child? As I was inheriting everything, wouldn’t that make me most loved?
Of course, my internal cattiness only amused me for a moment before I had a sinking realization. I didn’t know why Cece had left me Ivy so much, but I’d never convince these people it was a legitimate bequest. I had to kick them out because compromise wasn’t going to be possible.
It was in her eyes and I knew. I knew that she didn’t believe that Ivy had cared about Cece. No matter what I said or did, they’d never believe. They’d never be able to accept a compromise because they didn’t trust me. Without a truce of some kind, they’d be relentless. So, I would need to be very, very careful going forward to give them nothing to use against me and probably lucky as well.
If it couldn’t buy any goodwill letting them stay would be pointless so I told them to leave and, just like in the show, they left with only verbal protest. That was great because I need privacy to sketch out a quick to-do list.
>Grab Ivy’s effects. Learn enough to get around. Maybe scan for major history events since could be differences even if setting was based on irl?
>Get a copy of the will. Go over will, preferably with lawyer. Be careful about which lawyer because there was the chance they could be bought out like Chuck’s psychiatrist in that one season
>If rich now, need a tax person for help probably. Though same deal as lawyer.
>Move the hell away from this family’s influence. I think roomie described them as East Coast royalty. & if US isn’t far enough what about a foreign country? They were always jetting around but they couldn’t have the power to blacklist me everywhere, right?
>See what meta knowledge I have and if it can be leveraged. Go through Gossip Girl posts to trigger?
>Research executors’ responsibilities and if they can be replaced.
It was rough but I think I hit all the highlights. If I was off in Toronto or Auckland or wherever it would be a lot harder for them to scheme against me. What’s-his-name would still be in a position to –
Oh, shit. What was his name? Learning names and what faces corresponded to the names I did know should also be on the list. They should be easy to look up with all their time in the spotlight via Gossip Girl.
I wonder if Cece had realized how unhelpful he’d prove to Ivy? Had it just been an oversight? A proud woman who been certain her last wishes would be followed? Or had it been deliberate? Her daughters had teamed up pretty fast against the “interloper” and Ivy kept the money for less than a week. Maybe that had been the intended outcome?
I shook the thought off. It wasn’t helpful right now. I had enough living problems to be analyzing. It was time for an all-nighter. I needed a plan pronto.
***
Wow, had I had a long, long week. It was murder getting all my i’s dotted and t’s crossed while worrying about the Gossip Girl crowd’s attempts to get even. I was tired but also tentatively triumphant. Right after this meeting, I was headed to the train station where there was a nice, private cabin I’d be taking away from New York City.
It was going to be bliss. For now, though, I was waiting on Lola. I figured she was the one who had been most wronged by Ivy and the one who was the least cruel about it. This combination meant she was ideal person for communicating with. She’d hear me out and I could give her some information from what I remembered of the show as reparation for the whole identity theft thing.
She had almost hung up on me when I’d called but had relented when I begged for a chance to be heard out. I offered the neutral location of a 24/7 diner, and she got to pick the time. Her tone agreeing made me think she thought I was being dramatic with working out our meeting, but she had agreed. That was important thing.
I’d been hungry so I’d been early. Lola was right on time, so I waved her over to my booth when I saw her. I said hello and offered to pay but she wasn’t comfortable with that. I shrugged. Her loss then.
I opened with, “Thanks for coming to hear me out. I didn’t mean to put you in the middle of things, but I was sure you’d be the only one to pick up. I’ll keep it quick.”
I checked in with my audience, and she didn’t seem too receptive, but she was listening, so I forged on. “I was hasty with taking the apartment. I wasn’t even going to but then I could practically hear her call me trailer trash when I was trying to say goodbye to Cece.”
I stopped there to look downcast as if truly hurt by Lily. Lola hadn’t grown up privileged like the rest of them. “It’s not a good excuse though and I’m going to give it back. They won’t listen to me if you could let them know at the start of next month, they can move back in I’d be grateful. You can tell them whatever you like about how you got me to concede. Blackmail, guilt trip, whatever.”
Lola interrupted at that. “I’m not going to lie.”
Huh, I hadn’t anticipated that answer. “Okay. If you could also ask them to make a list of sentimental items they want. I’d appreciate it.”
Lola looked even more wary. “I can.”
“I know they don’t trust me. But it’s really not about the money. I’m going to prove that. They can check with William but most of it will be going to charity.”
Lola challenged me there. “Most, huh? If it’s not about the money, why not just give it back?”
I nodded as if conceding her point, but she’d given me the perfect opening. “You heard Lily accuse me of murdering Cece. She’s already used her influence to have one innocent man imprisoned. If I believed I’d be safe after giving back the money, I would.”
Lola looked stunned. Had she not known? I remembered that subplot particularly well because I’d seen the confession scene. Lily had explained her crime had been necessary because it got Serena into a good school. I’d found that galling as a motive because she’d clearly believed that her daughter had had sex with an adult man. It would have much more understandable, or forgivable, if she had wanted to punish the statutory rapist or protect other children.
I took her silence as my cue to continue. “Other than that, there is one thing I thought you should know. I don’t know who your father was, but Cece implied his identity is why your mother kept you away from your aunt. I’m sorry I don’t know more.”
I didn’t want bad things for Lola. As far as I could recall, she didn’t do anything egregious. I did want out of Gossip Girl type shenanigans though so I talked over any reply she might have offered by wishing her well and making good my escape.