Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Regina shoved the door closed, resting her arm against the only barrier between her and the rest of the party. She could still make out Maroon 5 from Adam Lavigne's muffled whines that continued seeping through the bathroom door. Anything to get away from those bimbos. Karen wasn’t so bad. The solitary brain cell knocking about her thick skull couldn't be helped. It was motor-mouth Gretchen who had to fill every silence. Regina couldn’t trust her to not say something moronic in front of Aaron Samuels. Urgh. Samuels.

It was obvious he’d been avoiding her. Any time she’d get near, brush her arm accidentally against his, he’d pretend to not notice and laugh at Shane’s corny jokes. It was Cady's fault. Of course, she's obsessed! That was going to change. He was my boyfriend. And I was half a virgin when I met him!

She scrunched her eyes tight, feeling a silent scream bubble within her chest. And they’re wearing their football kits. It’s not a costume if you wear it every day after school —!

The shower curtain pulled back, and it made Regina jump out of her skin. “Heffley!”

She watched her lanky classmate step out of the empty porcelain bathtub, his grin as wide as her scowl was deep. Rodrick wore a crumpled floral shirt under a red leather jacket that matched his dishevelled black hair and general unkemptness. 

“What are you doing here? You weren’t invited,” she hissed. 

He eyed her off from her white cotton ears down to her black stilettos. “Didn’t anyone tell you this was a costume party?” He smirked, proud of that one. 

“And what are you supposed to be?”

Rodrick tipped his sunnies down the bridge of his nose to reveal a red bloom over his cheekbone. He was so close to her. All she could focus on were his big brown eyes, so dark and they looked like black holes that could suck her in at any moment. “Come on. Tyler? You don’t see it?”

“The movie about the skitzos that start a cult?”

“You don’t get it,” he shrugged, leather creaked as he folded his arms across his chest. He lent in, “I can go slow.”

Her ears warmed at his words, but she wasn’t going to let him have it.

“You are slow,” Regina rolled her eyes, the rhinestones glued to her lids threatening to pop off. She turned for the mirror over the sink, scanning her makeup, making sure her tits still popped out the top of her corset and pretending to fix her lip gloss. She was well aware he was watching her now. 

Rodrick had been on her radar since the start of semester. She caught him staring at her ass in her new low rise jeans last Friday and he had the nerve to linger! Aaron didn’t seem to notice her at all. Not since little Miss Jungle Freak arrived. No, she was reduced to the wannabe garage band van driving gooner. Grunge, burn out, freak — Jeez. Maybe I like it.

She'd be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about bouncing on Rodrick’s lap behind a drumkit while he thrummed her clit to the rhythm of Mutt by Blink-182. But you couldn’t torture that out of Regina George. 

~

She ignored Rodrick's reflection slowly invading her view as she preened her fringe and touched up her false lashes. He felt the heat of her statuesque body first, then took hold of the sink basin, making sure to caress her hips before encircling her. He made a point to not touch her otherwise.

He’d been about to light it up in the bathtub, but just his luck, the hottest girl in school walked in. He didn’t even realise she was at the party. If he had, he wouldn't have let her out of his sight. Regina George was a sex fantasy in a playboy costume and fishnets. 

This was his chance. The Rock Gods smiled on him at this moment. He was not going to fuck this up. 

“You haven’t told me to leave,” he said, his breath tickling Regina’s bare shoulders. 

“Fine,” she smiled, fake and plastic. “Take your Goodwill jacket and Marilyn Manson eyeliner and fuck. Off.”

Rodrick felt the blood drain from his brain and shoot South. He gripped the sink tighter. “I like it when you’re mean.” He hoped she couldn’t hear the desperation in his voice. 

Regina’s eyes were cold and unyielding, boring into his own through the mirror. He didn’t dare look away as he lowered his chin to her shoulder, lips hovering, waiting. “Can I kiss you here?”

“I’ll tell you what you can kiss,” she spat. He struggled to keep his hips from grinding against her ass. Her little cotton tail begging to be ruined. Even with his arms surrounding her, his body so close to hers, she knew she could leave at any time. He was an utter sucker for Regina. 

“I’ll do anything,” Rodrick pressed his forehead into Regina’s hair, inhaling her shampoo and vanilla body spray. “Tell me what to do. I’ll do anything.”

“Take those cheap sunglasses off,” she started. 

Rodrick discarded the red tinted shades and they clattered into the bathtub. 

“Now, on your knees, loser,” she turned to watch him bend at the knees, his body still upright. Even from this position, his long lanky build meant his eye-line still met Regina’s chest. He watched her, his chin tilted in defiance but Rodrick knew he really would do anything she commanded. “I like it when you’re obedient.” Is this a dream? Or is Regina George actually domming me?

Regina lent against the sink, the basin pressed into the small of her back, one hand on her hip and her smile a little more genuine. 

“Cock out. Go on. I want to see what shrivelled little dick you’re working with.”

Beneath the fake blood smeared on his cheek, Rodrick’s face burnt. He swallowed hard.

"Let's see it," she prompted.

He unbuckled his jeans, fingers finding the button, the zipper, his boxers, thank god I found clean ones, and found his stiff cock. They won’t be for long. 

He was completely exposed and already painfully hard. This is humiliating. 

Rodrick didn’t miss the smallest hitch of Regina’s breath. That was probably all the praise he’d get. He refrained from assuring her it wasn’t at full size yet. But judging by the hunger in her eyes, she was impressed enough. 

“Stroke. It.”

So he did, gripping his cock in his hand he began to jerk himself off.

“Show me how you pull your dick when you’re all alone, you depraved fuck.”

He yanked fiercely, cheeks, ears and knob burning. He didn’t know if he was more aroused or embarrassed as his literal wet dream watched him jerk off on the floor of J.V. jock’s bathroom. 

"You're a virgin aren't you? What kind of girl would want to sleep with a dirtbag like you?" She laughed, "Oh my god." And his eyes snapped open to hers, twinkling icy blue, her dainty hand covering her mouth, “you’re really enjoying this. You’re a horny little freak.” She laughed again, a spine tingling effect that made Rodrick hate himself for how turned on he was. 

Now his cock was full mast, throbbing at every pull as she taunted him. He held out his free hand to stabalise himself against her soft thigh, followed by his warm face. Her skin was cool against his. Oh she was wet. Her panties had grown dark from her own arousal. He pressed his nose between her legs which made her yelp and jump up against the sink. Taking advantage of her surprise, Rodrick went to town on her cunt, slobbering over the black panty of her costume, all the while stroking himself into oblivion. He wished she wasn’t wearing anything at all. 

Not in a million years did he ever dream he’d be nose deep in Regina’s cunt. Every little moan escaping her lips made his dick twitch. “You’re so hot,” he breathed. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

"You. Fucking. Wish. Loser," she breathed, head against the mirror. He must be doing something right.

Rodrick’s movements became erratic, wild, he no longer had control of what his tongue was doing. Oh no. 

She gripped his hair, ripping him off her. His chin shone with spit and her slick. 

“Don’t!” She hissed, yanking his hand away from his purple pulsing cock. “Did you really think I’d let you cum?”

“Please.” God I’m so close. Pre-cum beaded at the head of his cock. He hadn’t even gotten past Regina’s panties and he was frothing to cum over her slutty little bodysuit. 

“Don’t fucking touch it.”

He watched as Regina hooked two fingers into her black panties, her own arousal soaking her leotard and fishnets. Oh God. She pulled them out, her slick coating her fingers. Her lips curled into something more devious as she reached the floor, knees between his. 

“You’ll cum how I want you to cum.”

His cock stood at attention desperate to be touched but his mind was foggy and he couldn't form the words to ask.

Rodrick tracked her hand as she grazed her lathered fingertip along the upside of his shaft and over the head. It was a swift movement that sent a wave of heat from his balls to his knob. Regina eyed his cock bounce at the sensitivity, her smile mean. Oh shh– It was gentler than the breath of a butterfly wing but it scorched Rodrick from the inside.

She ran her finger up again, and said in a low, husky voice, “You’re a freaky”. Oh Jesus. Then again, “Wimpy”. I’m going cum untouched.

“Pleaseletmecum,” he whimpered. The pressure in his balls was almost painful. 

“Loser,” she swiped again, then pinned down his hands, leaving his cock to pulsate of its own volition as he bucked hips wildly. 

He whined as he tried to stroke his cock but couldn’t move. His mind went feral as his orgasm steamrolled through. His cock spasmed against thin air, cum racing from his balls and escaping in tight squirts. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

Rodrick’s balls continued to ache from the ruined orgasm. Fuck. She’s mean. 

He lolled back but Regina took hold of his jaw in one manicured hand, “you’re pretty on your knees.”

“So you agree?” He smiled, delirious but still smug that she even deigned to touch his cock for the two seconds of blissful torture. “You think I’m pretty.”

A comet crossed Regina’s eyes, a flash that sobered her up more than Rodrick’s post nut clarity. She went cold. Hard. And her plastic smile was wretched. 

“I don’t think about you ever.” She jerked his face back and rose from her crouch. All he heard was the sound of her heels clacking along the tiles and the thud of the door closing behind. 

“Ouch.”

Rodrick shoved his bits back into his pants and made a haphazard attempt at straightening his shirt. His hair was gloriously dishevelled. At any rate it looked like he was thoroughly fucked. 

That was when a wave of nausea rocked through Rodrick low in his belly. She just saw me hump the air like a touch starved lunatic. 

She did that to me. And … I liked it. 

He unscrunched his face and gave himself a firm smack across his jaw. “It doesn’t matter. You were into it. And she was definitely into it until you opened your idiot mouth. Now get out there and make sure there’s a next time.”

The music was absorbed by the carpeted second floor but was well and truly blasting when Rodrick rejoined the party downstairs. He shouldered past scantily dressed girls wearing something he’s only seen in his porn mags and the guys clearly went above and beyond in their jeans and polos. The corridor was congested with couples making out or talking animatedly, animal ears bobbing, sloshing their drinks and taking hold of each other. Red solo cups crunched beneath his feet as he rounded the corner and walked head first into a cloud of white. It turned around, revealing a pale face and rotten rubber teeth. 

“Oh! That’s sick,” he said, throwing a sign of the horns to the zombie bride. 

“Fanks!” She replied. The girl opened her mouth to say more but something caught her attention behind Rodrick and he instinctively looked over his shoulder. He wished he hadn’t. 

Across the room stood a mean little playboy bunny, her spindly fingers interwoven in some jock's hair. Rodrick could have sworn Regina glanced at him, for a split second, before she pulled the jock into a deep kiss. 

Sweat prickled his neck and his face burnt at the sight. Had she not told him dirty things in the bathroom, not, ten minutes ago? Not let him ravage her pussy over her panties? And not forced the most diabolically charged orgasm of his life? 

He squirmed at the memory of the sounds he made in front of Regina. It made his stomach flip again for good measure. It wasn’t all for show then. She must really think that little of him. It was vulnerable and erotic, and God it was Regina Fucking George. If he was to win over a goddess like her, he’d have to play mean too. 

Rodrick must have been staring for a long time because when Regina finally broke her kiss, the girl in the wedding dress was gone. It was best he made for the exit too, before he looked any more pathetic than he already did. 

Chapter Text

“Be cool,” Rodrick to himself, wading against the stream of Evanston High students eager to get home on a Thursday afternoon, “just take your babies and get out”. He had been stashing contraband in a little alcove above the auditorium for weeks and was ready to cash in. By the time he reached the school hall, there were only a few straggling athletic students left in their trackpants and arms weighed down by mesh bags of soccer balls. He trudged up the stairs with some air of authority or determination. Far less conspicuous than sneaking about. What could a burnout like him possibly need from the projector booth?

Aaron appeared at the corner of his eye, following close behind, smimy jock. The same guy Regina was face sucking last week at the halloween party. Even his steps were much more assured, taking long confident strides up the bleachers. Dickweed. Aaron gave Rodrick a polite smile and nod, which he ignored.

“Are you heading to the projection room too?” Aaron pointed up to the indiscreet office.

“Yeah. I left something in there,” Rodrick said, trying to be way too aloof, tripped upward on a step. Aaron, he noted, wasn’t even out of breath, despite lugging a school bag and kit on his back and shoulders. 

“Oh, there’s a swim meet up there.”

Rodrick straightened up, concerned, “don’t you need a pool for that?”

“What?” 

They both reached for the door but Aaron ceded, letting Rodrick jiggle the doorknob. Harsh whispers and scuttling erupted behind the door.

“Must be jammed or something,” Aaron pushed in front and pried the door open. 

Standing in the middle of the projection room was Shane Oman, shirtless, pantless, and hands covering his white cotton briefs. 

“Holy-!” Rodrick brayed. He clutched his sides as he bobbed against the door frame and rolled along the wall in utter hysteria. “This is excellent! He got you good, Aaron.” 

Aaron shook his head, “that’s not funny, man.”

Shane, in all his half nakedness started – what could be assumed was a half-assed excuse as he pulled on jeans one unsteady leg at a time, was interrupted by Rodrick’s incessant laughter, “it so is!” 

“Whatever,” Aaron turned on his heel, “now I’m late for practice.”

Shane scrambled for his shirt and followed his friend out, apologising and laughing off the awkward energy. 

Rodrick's giggles ebbed away as he went over to the desk littered with dusty reels, files, takeaway containers, greasy bags, folders … Where the fuck are they? “… I could have sworn…” he checked under the desk and turned about the room, then froze. “What have we got here?”

Nestled between the dusty boxes and flyers sat a mean little someone. 

Regina hugged her knees to her chest, blue eyes wide and cheeks flushed. 

Rodrick glanced at the closed door then back on Regina, pointing to the ghosts of Aaron and Shane. “Did you–? Where you–?”

“That’s none of your business!” She stood, revealing the bra she was hiding beneath crossed arms. It made Rodrick's jaw slack. Along Regina’s teal bra were rose coloured butterflies, stitched along the straps and over the lacy cups that perfectly cradled her breasts. Not to mention her black leather mini skirt. Was that drool? “Stop staring you skeez.”

His jaw clicked as he shut it. “There’s just so much to…” he winced, his brain finally catching up, “so Shane too?”

Regina’s hands were on her hips and made no effort to cover herself. “Evidently.”

“You already have me and Aaron. Two’s not enough?”

“Pu-lease,” she laughed, that spine-tingling voice had Rodrick embarrassed all over again, “you were never on the roster.”

Ooph. He felt the stab deep under his ribs. It was only a matter of time before she twisted the knife. And Regina George was a master swordswoman. 

“I’ll–”

Her icy gaze melted away in an instant, “shut up,” she smiled. Regina took a step forward, her doe-eyes fluttering and voice like syrup, “…you’re here…”

Rodrick stepped back into the desk.

“Come on. Take it out,” she insisted. Her face was impossible to refuse. “I want to hear you beg again,”

Rodrick froze. That’s what she’s after? A power trip? He was taking too long to make his decision.

Regina huffed, her fingers trained for Rodrick’s belt, “I said take your cock out.”

Am I an idiot? This was Regina George. Rodrick grabbed her wrists, holding them firmly at his hips, “wait a second, Reg.”

~

She hardened, “don’t call me that.”

“You’re a total control freak,” he said slowly, a smile forming from his triumphant realisation. “Everyone has to do what Regina says. Regina’s the queen bee. I don’t think there’s a single person in this school who you don’t have wrapped around your little finger.” 

He was goading her and she knew it. Still her cheeks pinked, how dare he!? Regina knew if she said anything now he’d think he was right. And there wasn’t a planet in this universe where Rodrick was right. 

In an instant, Rodrick pushed into her and her back thudded against the wall, pressed against a poster or a frame. In one sweep, he pinned her wrists above her head. A loose breath caught in her throat. What’s going on?

“You know what I think?” He said slowly, his nose an inch from hers, lips a breath away from touching her warm cheek. “I don’t think you want control. I think, for once, you want to lose control.”

Regina’s heart hammered in her chest. Stunned, she was too aware of her own breathing. Of his calloused fingers gripping her wrists. Of how much she maybe wanted him to kiss her.  

“I know you can be good,” he pressed his lips to her neck, his hair product filling her nostrils with tangy bitterness. She stifled a moan as he trailed a kiss along her jaw, behind her ear, exploring her slowly, carefully. 

“Can you hold still for me?” His dark eyes were filled with a wildness that excited Regina. She nodded, if not just to see how things would go. He cock-blocked her whether he knew it or not and she was most definitely going to make the most of it. He seems to vaguely know what he’s doing. 

Rodrick pushed one sneakered foot against hers, spreading her feet apart. Then, while holding her wrists in place with one hand, he ran the other down her arm, caressing her exposed pale skin, leaving gooseflesh in his wake. He met her breast with the back of his hand, his knuckles gently unearthing a hardened nipple hidden in the lacy cup. “Do you like that?” She nodded, almost imperceptible. “You’re such a good girl for me,” his breath was warm against her ear. “Keep your hands where they are, that’s it. Don’t move.” 

She stayed perfectly still, her arms above her head and feet wide, while Rodrick’s long deft fingers unclasped her bra, then pulled it over her head. Her sizable breasts bounced free, supple and peaked. 

“They’re perfect, Reg.”

“I told you not–” but Rodrick covered her mouth with his palm. 

“Good girls don’t talk back,” he said gently, “don’t you want your reward?” And without hesitation, he latched onto her left breast, taking as much as he could into his mouth and licked circles around her nipple. It was painfully gentle and deliberately slow. 

“Mmmf,” her eyes scrunched shut. She hadn’t expected this. Not long sensual touches and worshipping. The least she deserved after what she did to him was aggressive humping and hair pulling. That was Shane’s go to. 

With his free hand, Rodrick massaged the underside of Regina’s breast, adding the smallest amount of pressure and flicked her nipple with his tongue. She moaned into his palm, so he did it again. And again. “—mmmf!”

 “You’re doing so good, Reggie,” he moved his hand from her breast and she almost whined at his absence. Then she felt his fingers find the apex between her legs. She stiffened, breathing hard through her nose.  “Shhh …” he watched her face as he grazed her panties. The tickles along her clit sent shock waves down to her toes. “Fuck you’re so wet for me.” She scrunched her eyes again as another moan ripped from her throat, and his hand tightened against her mouth. “I knew you could do it.”

Regina bucked into his hand and he pulled away, “not so fast,” he grinned. She watched him intently, steely blue eyes hungry. “Here’s how this will go down,” Rodrick stroked a finger along her underwear, completely soaked through, “I’m going to keep touching you,” running a finger over her swollen clit, “you’ll take it like a good girl,” he pulled her panty to the side, “and when you cum,” now rubbing her exposed, moistened clit, “you’re going to say my name.” 

Heat rushed between her legs as Rodrick made deliberate and consistent circles over her nerves. He found the right pressure instantly and held on as she moaned and bucked, never ceding to timing. She felt her eyes roll back and saliva fill his hand. For once in her life, she didn’t care how she looked or even how desperate she was for Rodrick to keep – oh my Go– oh–!

“Mmmf– mm-rod– R–”

“Such a good girl. Say it for me,” he stared her down, never breaking his rhythm. Then he inserted a finger. 

“R-Rod—ughh!” Her body shook violently against Rodrick’s hand. White searing heat rolled from her clit to her extremities, his finger still inside her and palmed her clit. She couldn’t see, hear or even form words, as he rocked his hand between her legs. 

~

Rodrick caught Regina as her knees gave out. She breathed hard and heavy against his shoulder. 

“Gently down,” he exhaled, as he attempted to lower them to the rug.

Regina was quiet for a long while, curled in his arms. Her eyes fluttered closed as she caught her breath. 

“So … did you finish?” Rodrick grinned. “I wasn’t so sure back there.”

Her head snapped up, blonde her whipping over her shoulder. “Urgh. I was half way there already. Don’t flatter yourself.” She snatched her bra and tank top then pushed off of Rodrick’s thighs.

“Wait!” he called out, but she was already out of the projector booth. He rushed to his feet, gripping the door frame. “Call me!?” But Regina continued down the bleachers, the clack of her heels echoed through the empty auditorium. 

Rodrick was beginning to hate that sound. 

He placed a hand over his crotch, his cock was throbbing and sticky in his pants. “Guess we’re here already,” and closed the projector booth door, resting against the wood. He slid down. Watching Regina cum hard on his fingers was a memory for all time. If that’s all she gives me, that would be … But who was he kidding? It was not enough. And he certainly did not want to share. 

He started to unbuckle his pants, eyes glazed over, still high on Regina’s supply. That was when he saw the shiny red and yellow boxes, one read Danger! and another was decorated in foreign characters, roughly stacked between more boxes of miscellaneous equipment. “My babies,” he breathed, finally able to relax. 

Rodrick had grand plans. He just needed the right timing. 

Chapter Text

“Oh, and don’t have anybody over this weekend. Got it?”

It had been exactly twenty-seven seconds since his dad stepped off the threshold when Rodrick ran, threw his legs over the back of the couch and reclined into the cushions: primed to alert everyone at Evanston High that there was a house party at the Heffley house. Tonight. 

“Are we really throwing a party?” asked a squeaky voice. 

Rodrick’s head jerked up, right. Greg. The last thing he needed was his nerdy little brother hanging around and rubbing his uncoolness on all the juniors and seniors. 

“Yeah, little bro,” Rodrick grinned, “we need this place set up before everyone gets here,” he counted on his fingers, “snacks, drinks, lights … Cups.”

“I got it. I got it. Let me do it.” Greg sprinted into the kitchen turning over the contents of the pantry and fridge. 

This was gonna be it.

The last few weeks were torturous. Rodrick attempted a few times to catch Regina after English lit but she swiftly ignored him, guarded by her army of plastics. That was better than the glares he often received across the cafeteria. And every chance Regina could, she would pull Aaron in for a long deep kiss. It was like she was dangling her relationship in front of Rodrick. See who I belong with? I don’t date losers like you! She seemed angry more than anything. And he didn't know what brought it about. 

She liked it, hadn't she? Even the thought of her slobbering into his hand as she came made his dick twitch. 

And to make matters worse, Regina even looked sexier. Her shirts stretched thinner across her brightly coloured bras and her jeans fit so tight her thighs rubbed. 

He needed a cold shower. Ice. 

Rodrick picked up ice from the service station, dumped the bags in the kitchen, then went to work on the lighting situation. He turned off every big light and strewed colourful Christmas lights about the skirtings before his bandmates arrived. 

Within the hour, Loded Diper had set up drums and speakers in the living room. Thick cords trailed through the house into the garage – but a tripping hazard was the price to pay for rock’n’roll. 

Greg had situated a few bowls of chips and pretzels in the front room, “will this be enough for your party, Rodrick?”

Yeah, for the first eight people, Rodrick maneuvered around the amps, “our party, little bro,” he wrapped an arm around his brother, “now go get chairs from the basement.”

“Why?”

“For musical chairs,” he mocked. 

“I haven’t played musical chairs since–”

“Well it makes a big comeback in high school,” his grip tightened when the doorbell rang. “Now hurry, I don’t want anyone disappointed!”

Rodrick followed a few feet behind, and when he was sure Greg descended the first few steps into the basement, he kicked the doorwedge and locked the door for good measure. 

Greg beat against the door wildly, “hey! Rodrick! Help! The door’s closed!”

“Yeah and it's staying closed,” Rodrick rolled his eyes. “I don’t need some middle schooler at my party.”

“But I thought it was our party!”

“It’s mine,” Rodrick corrected, already walking back to the living room to greet the first arrivals, “and keep quiet or I’ll lock you in the dryer.”

He started a round, making sure everyone had a drink in hand. There were at least twenty people already hanging about, talking loudly over the stereo and admiring his band’s set up. 

Orange glowed outside as the sun set, but still no Regina. And Bill was on his case about getting the band started, “there’s just one more thing,” Rodrick replied. 

Another stream of guests filed through the revolving front door. Amongst a hoard of girls, was Greg’s friend, Roger, or whatever. His round face and bowl cut endearingly naive as he ogled the older kids who were at least a foot taller than him. Rodrick pinched the boy's ear, “this way, chunky cheese,” and led him to the basement.

Greg’s face lit up at the sight of his savour, only to have the darkness of Rodrick loom over from behind.

A laugh bubbled in Rodrick’s chest, “it was a nice try. But whatever you thought, I already thinked it,” and closed the door. 

His bandmates were already in position as he reached the living room, pulling out his drumsticks from his back pocket. Rodrick smacked them together as he took a seat behind his drums, “One! Two! Three! Four!” And Loded Diper erupted into their first song. Loud and hard. Reg is going to love this.

~

Regina pouted beside Gretchen. She didn’t want to go to Rodrick’s party but the other girls were becoming incensed, “everyone’s there!” Gretchen waved about her blackberry with dozens of messages calling it the party of the year, and Karen’s, “what else are we gonna do on a Saturday night?” Only Cady remained quiet, nodding along and darting her eyes between the girls. And here they were. Karen ran off to find her cousin and Cady was bound to be somewhere acting like a homeschool freak. She’s so lucky she’s pretty. 

Aaron promised he’d meet up with Regina later because he had to help his mum out with, who knows what, because she zoned out midway through. Like how she was now as Gretchen yammered on about Ms Norbery while the emo wannabees clanged about, lamenting about diapers. 

“I barely hear you over this noise,” Regina snapped. She took another sip of her drink. “How much sugar is in this again?”

“Zero,” Gretchen smiled, “I made sure to get the diet seltzers.” She was surely waiting for an appreciative word or gesture but it only pissed Regina off more. Quick to change the subject, the mousy girl chirped on,  “oh-my-god, I never realised how sexy Heffley is.” Gretchen bit her lip, eyes raking over Rodrick, and Regina followed her eyeline. 

Rodrick drummed aggressively – no, passionately, sweat ringing his hairline like a halo that made his skin glow with otherworldly power. His coal rimmed eyes and upturned nose scrunched in the throws of his drum solo. 

Regina snapped to Gretchin, “well you should know that he, like, worships Marylin Manson. He’s totally obsessed with death cults.” 

“No!” Gretchin grinned, leaning closer. 

“Yep,” she nodded, glancing over at Rodrick, who threw signs of the horns then smacking his drumsticks against the lip of the drum, they bounced back into his hands in perfect arcs. “I bet that’s why he misses class so much. Probably to go to the cemetery or something.”

“Oh my god,” she said, her eyes wide, still just as hungry for the drummer. Gretchen took a long sip of seltzer, then announced, “I’m gonna go find Jason.”

But Regina stopped listening again. She watched Rodrick behind the drum kit, visualising one of her oldest fantasies. Her face felt warm. Rodrick spotted her in the crowd and sent her a wide grin. She replied with a tilt of her head, upstairs. He responded with over exaggerated mouthing, UP-STAIRS? To which Regina’s eyes widened and nearly rolled from their sockets. She shoved past the sea that was her peers, all rubbing against one another, sloshing their beer, and stalked up the stairs to the second landing. 

She checked about the rooms, coming across a large bedroom with a queen size bed and family portraits, another was a nursery, and at the far end was clearly a kid’s room with blue walls, a lively fishtank, and half-made science dioramas. Regina heard from downstairs, a deep gravelled voice, “alright, we’re gonna take a quick break. In the meantime rock on!” 

Just shoot me if I’m twenty and still going to high school parties. 

Not a moment later, Rodrick barrelled up the stairs, meeting her in a huff. He lent against the banister, holding his side and attempted to level his breathing. “This way,” he grinned and she followed him up into the attic. 

“I should’ve known,” Regina eyed piles of laundry on the floor, lined notebook papers and forgotten childhood relics littering every surface. “You don’t even live like a normal human.” She sat on the corner of his bed. 

“Sorry, I didn’t have time to–”

“Shut up,” she giggled, a practiced gesture that eased people into her traps, “it’s homey.” She picked up a CD from his bedside table, or what used to be bedside table, it looked more like an eclectic object magnet. She flipped it over–

“That’s not ready,” he snatched the case from her fingers, flicking it onto a desk? And sat beside her, his arm touching hers. “So, uh, did you want to talk?”

“No, Heffley,” she said and slid off the bed and onto her knees. An aggressive blush conquered Rodrick’s cheeks while Regina started to grope at his belt, her body nestled between his legs. He knew what was good for him so he helped her out by scooching his hips so she could pull his jeans down. “It’s so cute how you’re always so ready.”

His cock twitched, exposed and nearly full mast. Regina was entirely aware how a girl on her knees drove guys nuts. And Rodrick was just like any other guy, except…

“How’d you do it, Heffley?” her voice even. 

“Eh, never do something when someone else can do it for you,” he shrugged. “Party to your liking?”

“No, idiot, in the projection room. How. Did. You. Do. It? You’ve never been with a girl. You’re a virgin.”

Rodrick’s grin was feline, “ho ho ho, you want a body count now?”

Regina gripped his scrotum in one hand, it made Rodrick’s jaw clamp down, “hey, easy, yes, you’re right. I am.” Her fingers released and he continued, his voice low, like what he was about to say was a huge secret, “I used to be a band geek.” 

She squeezed again. 

“Urgh! I’m–I’m serious. Sexually repressed. We did everything but.” There was not a single coherent thought in his brain and it was obvious. That was it then. He fingered his way through the band squad. But I wonder if any of those girls made him beg like I could. 

Her soft palm on his skin moved from his balls to his shaft. He unpinched his brows, relaxing into her caress. Regina inched closer to his cock, her lips parted. 

“You’re so hot like that,” he breathed, unbearably hard. Then she licked a warm stripe from base to tip. 

“Fuck you’re so good,” his voice strained, reaching for her hair. 

Regina took more into her mouth, like a challenge. It wasn’t enough for Rodrick to watch her kiss other guys, or to catch her sleeping with another, or even throw a party on the off chance she’d show up. Regina wanted him ruined for any other girl. 

At least that’s what she told herself as she gracefully stroked and licked and kissed his cock. 

“You’re such a good girl, Reg.”

She stiffened and her eyes flicked up to Rodrick’s smug face. His hands knotted in her hair, not forceful, but still a firm pressure. It sent tingles through her body and her stomach fluttered. It’s happening again.

“I get it now,” he said, rocking his hips gently, and Regina took it. “You hate that I can undo you. I bet those other guys have no clue.” Hot saliva coated his dick as he pushed further and deeper, “it’s sweet, actually. Fuck–” Regina darted her tongue along his length and sucked hard. It pulsed in her hand. “Oh, Reg–”

Regina shoved against Rodrick’s thighs, mouth wet and pink. He let go willingly. 

“Let’s get something straight here,” she towered over him, her long blonde hair spilling over her shoulder. Then she was on top, pressing him into the mattress, her hands found his and pinned them at his sides. Regina straddled Rodrick’s exposed dick, her short skirt hiked above her hips, her panties the only barrier between them. “You got fucking lucky.”

“Are you trying to prove I’m not?” His boyish grin drove her insane. 

Regina thrust against him and he grunted. 

“I bet you’ll cum like this,” she spat, rubbing her cunt against him, but Rodrick wasn’t looking at her. His eyes were clamped shut and controlling his moans. “You’re so fucking easy.” 

Regina’s clit burnt with arousal at his pained face. She was getting close too. 

Rodrick stiffened, refusing to open his eyes, “Ahh–Reg–I’m–” Warmth spread between Regina’s thighs. But she didn’t stop. “Ah– stop, stop, please,” he forced. Something's not right. Regina jumped off like she’d touched a hot straightening iron. 

“What? What’s wrong?” 

Rodrick stumbled to his feet, dick deflating, and his hands up, “shh!” 

They listened. Through the muffled stereo came a high pitched ringing. 

“Shit!” Rodrick clambered out the door, folding his bits back into his pants, careful not to zip into himself, “one sec.”

Alone, Regina straightened her skirt, sticky and too tight. She hated how clothes sat on her lately. The music stopped playing, followed by a very distant, solitary voice, “don’t touch it! Nobody move. If anyone makes a sound, the party is over … Hello? … Yeah everything’s fine…”

Regina crept from the attic and onto the second floor. The party was frozen in time like Medusa’s garden, while Rodrick spoke animatedly into the phone. 

Before anyone could see the evidence of her shame, Regina slipped into the bathroom. She clocked her pink cheeks, the mascara streaked at the corner of her right eye and her lip gloss smeared across her chin. She dabbed at her face and fixed her hair. Her pussy throbbed as she toweled herself off. She had been half a second from coming too, but the fear in Rodrick’s eyes was not her doing. It was not part of her calculation. So of course she stopped. He’s a mama’s boy like the rest of them. 

The vanity was just as organised as Rodrick’s bedroom floor. Hairsprays, liners, markers, razors and gels all strewn about the bench top. Under the cabinets sat an unremarkable beige scale. Regina kicked off her heels and hopped on, the needle bounced back and forth wildly until it settled. What the actual FUCK. Regina stepped off then back on. 

She shook as she stared at her reddening face in the mirror. Fuck this place. Fuck that loser and his broken fucking scale. Regina snatched a fat tipped marker and aimed her hatred at the bathroom door. 

Smells Like Teen Spirit blared outside as Regina stepped away from her handiwork. “Fuck you.”

What was she thinking, letting a skeez like Rodrick Heffley fuck her up like that. The other girls could walk home for all she cared, as she made her way downstairs, pushing and shoving to leave the house party. 

Chapter Text

The music was back in full swing, the beer was pouring and the guests were as loud as ever. Relief rushed through Rodrick’s body from his temple to his toes. Dodged that one. It was too bad he had to release his little brother and his friend from the basement and unleash their lameness on the rest of the party. But some of the high school girls didn’t mind. They seemed to think they were … cute? 

A flash of pale hair rushed across the living room and out the door, stomping and slamming about like a tornado. Shit. 

All the planning and effort he had done to be thrown away on a phone call. He’d never worked this hard at anything, nor spent the extra brain power to make contingencies. Well, he’d missed one. And now he was paying for it. Besides the dull thrum in his balls.  

“Wait a minute,” he ran out into the front yard. God she walked fast. “What happened? Slow down!”

Regina turned on her heel in all her fury, hair whipping around her like the natural disaster she was. 

“Urgh! It’s called self respect,” she snapped. Regina eyed the house behind Rodrick and it made him glance back. The crowd of people she was so obsessed with pleasing, with manicuring her image as the ‘it’ girl, were all absorbed in drinking and dancing in a conga line. “I’m not … I needed some air.”

“I’m sorry I had to leave you like that,” Rodrick started, “it was my – look I have something planned for you. Please don’t go yet.”

Regina’s shoulders relaxed and she settled back to the burnout in front of her. Rodrick was suddenly so aware of his thinning Nirvana t-shirt. His sweaty leather bracelets. And Converse sneakers that were predominantly holes and torn rubber.

When Regina was cultivated, edited and glossed. She still had the blush from their grinding glowing on her cheeks. She never looked so beautiful.  

“For me?” She said slowly, “like a surprise?"

Rodrick’s lips tore into a grin, “that got your attention. Come on.” He knew better than to take her hand in public and relied on the solitary hope that she’d follow. He trudged a few paces ahead and when they reached the threshold, Rodrick fought the noise, “go upstairs and it's the biggest bedroom to your right, you’ll see a balcony. I’ll meet you there.”

Regina went ahead, her shoulder grazing Rodrick’s chest as she reentered the house. He didn’t think it was an accident.

Inside was buzzing with juniors dancing and playing drinking games. She was startled by a rotund child with a goofy little haircut that seemed to be hyping people up in the front room. 

Rodrick held back to make the final touches for his set up. He grabbed Ollie, his wiry framed bassist, sharp elbows flapping like chicken wings. “It’s on. Just start lighting them like crazy.”

Ollie’s long face stretched into an O, “you got her dude!?” He smacked Rodrick’s hand, “you actually bagged Regina. Good for you man.” 

“Is Regina still here?” 

Rodrick’s stomach bottomed. It was Aaron. His shirt was clean, pressed and neat like the rest of him. Aaron waited expectantly. 

Rodrick elbowed Ollie in the ribs, far harder than necessary, “I think you just missed her.”

“Yeah she went uh…” Ollie started but Rodrick glared his friend down, “I dunno actually.”

“Thanks anyway,” Aaron nodded, disappearing into the kitchen. 

“Just go,” Rodrick ribbed Ollie again who bounced through the crowd, all giddiness in his overly long limbs, and into the back yard.  

Meanwhile, Rodrick darted up the stairs, two at a time to reach his parents bedroom. Regina stood by his mother’s dresser, holding a silver frame. She looked up, setting the picture back. 

“I was a cute kid, huh?”

She rolled her eyes, “I can tell you were a terror.”

The photo centred two boys, one younger, red and shiny, and the older bearing his signature feline grin. Their mother and father had a slight blur, as though in the middle of action.

Rodrick took her hand, finally. “I’m still a terror,” he winked and led her outside onto the balcony. “This is the deluxe view,” he said. 

Rodrick leveraged the railing and hauled himself onto the roof, gripping the gutter for support. Regina watched his easy maneuver and swallowed hard. She kicked off her heels and copied his movements, balancing on the railing but her body seized when she looked down, the height dizzying. With his legs dangling off the edge, Rodrick pulled Regina up by the armpits, settling her beside him. It was an eased effort, so quick she forgot she was on the roof. 

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” he waved, catching his breath. With all the running and lifting, Rodrick had been putting on a good workout. 

They crawled to the ridge then lay on their backs, side by side. 

Dusk, in all of its blue and purple glory, bled into the dying afternoon. Regina glanced over at Rodrick, and he was quick to avert his eyes to the bruised sky.

“So what’s supposed to happen–?” Regina started, when a yellow flash sluiced into the air, like an iridescent ribbon and fractured into a hundred sparkles. 

“FIREWORKS!” Someone called below, “GET OUTSIDE!”

Another rocket shot into the air, its white sparks spraying every which way and fizzled before it burst, its sea-urchin-like red needles stuck out in every direction. Before they realised, the sky was littered with lights and domes and stars of overlapping impermanence.

“Worth it?” Rodrick said quietly, but it still startled Regina from her reverie.

“I guess,” she shrugged. 

Rodrick rested on his side, his cheek on his palm. Besides the flashes of colour, the two were in darkness. He could only decipher the contours of Regina’s soft lips and the firework’s reflection in her bright eyes. “No one can see us up here.”

Regina turned her head for the first time, light gleaning in her eyes. “It’s beautiful, Rodrick.”. 

Heat crept up Rodrick’s neck. He lent in close to Regina’s face but paused, only an inch away. “Can I kiss you?” 

She nodded, a subtle tilt of her head that he almost missed in the liminal light. Rodrick pressed a kiss in the hollow of her eye, the tender skin beneath her pale brow. He was pleased by her fluttering lashes.

Regina blew out a breath, “don’t do that.”

“Do what?” his voice was low and husky. He kissed her brow again, the tip of her nose, then the corner of her mouth. “Does it feel good?”

She nodded. 

“Then I’ll keep doing it,” he said. His kisses trailed down her jaw, onto her neck, then clavicle. She shivered under his gentle touch. He made his way down her body with his lips. 

He reached the hem of her skirt and Regina’s breath hitched. A subtle noise he was grateful he caught despite the popping explosions and cries of the party guests downstairs. Every sound she made was perfect.

“Let me make you feel good,” he said, sliding her panties down. She shuffled her hips and let Rodrick between her legs. He kissed her mound and gently sucked on her budding nerves. 

Regina squirmed, grabbing onto his hair. She could feel his smile against her pussy. Smugness wafted off of him as he continued to massage her with his tongue. 

“How’s that?”

She fisted his hair tighter, “fingers.” 

Rodrick obliged. He repositioned his elbow, his arm now draped over Regina’s belly. With Regina’s skirt crumpled above her hips, Rodrick pulled her sensitive skin taught, exposing her folds. He sucked on her clit as he pressed gently against her opening with two fingers. His experience had come in handy, now that it mattered more than ever, when he could barely see or hear her. Rodrick managed to make Regina’s pussy weep with nothing but the aid of random flashes of light from the fireworks and her soft whines of encouragement.   

“Oh— oh— Don’t stop,” she breathed. 

“Say it,” he licked. He recognised the rigidness in her body now, she was close. Rodrick didn’t change his force or speed, keeping up the torturously monotonous pressure on the edge of her cunt, never truly going inside, only teasing. 

“Rodrick,” she whimpered, “shit— Rodrick, please, I’m so — Urgh!” She cried, drowned out by the crackling finale with stars in her eyes. 

Rodrick hugged her legs as she squirmed, prolonging her orgasm until her spindly fingers scrunched his t-shirt and hair, whatever she could grab, and pulled him up. “Enough, enough!”

Rodrick met her on his side, enveloping her body in his arms. He held her tight. Against his chest, he felt Regina’s shallow breaths and trembling body. The sound of cheering lingered. He’d been stocking on the fireworks for months waiting for the right prank. But this was so much better. He clutched Regina tighter, his lips ached to kiss the back of her neck. 

Regina rocked away.

“You’re octopussing me,” she huffed. 

“Don’t go,” he said into her hair. “Please, I can’t watch you leave again.”

Regina darted upright, detangling herself from his embrace. She bottled her restless energy with her legs to her chest. 

“Reg,” he said to her back. “I–I really like you.” 

“You don’t know me.”

“I do, I know how smart you are. You pretend that you’re not but you are. I’ve read your stuff in English. And you’re confident and sharp as a nail. And way too good for me. Or anyone at that school. And … we’re good together.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him with stern, narrow eyes. “You’re so desperate to figure me out. It’s pathetic.”

“And you cover it up by acting like a bitch.”

“You like that,” she spat. 

“I like you in spite of that!”

Regina turned away. “This is just sex. Don’t overthink it.”

The finality of her words crushed him from the inside. Hadn’t I done everything I could? Rodrick peeled away from her frame, uncurling against the roof top. His eyes trained on the smoke blanketing the stars, ignoring the burning in his eyes. He was sure as shit not going to let Regina see.

“Then go,” he whispered. Any louder and she might have heard his voice crack. 

It was quiet for some time but Regina eventually left. Like she always did. He heard her body scrape down the slate tiles and her bare feet smacked on the balcony.

Hey, he heard a guy’s voice, oozing natural confidence, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. 

Without missing a beat, Regina replied, I was just on the balcony. You missed out on the best view. 

I didn’t see you up there … their voices trailed off and Rodrick was glad of it. 

Maybe beyond her shiny and synthetic exterior, there really was just more plastic. 

Chapter Text

Only three days before Christmas break. Just a few more days and I’ll get her out of my system for good. 

“RODRIIIIICK! GREEG!” His mum called at the bottom of the stairwell. “We’re going to be late!”

One final glance in the mirror, Rodrick pedantically yanked and smoothed his hair. His face was thinner, sharper. It may have been on account of him eating less cheetos or using Greg’s dumbbells (the ones his dad bought when Greg was going to become a semi-pro wrestler, like that was ever going to happen.) It had only been four weeks since the party, but Rodrick hardly recognised himself. 

The morning after his party was a frantic dash to hide the evidence. His parents called to let the boys know that they were coming back early, which only left them a little over an hour to bin every plastic cup, can and bottle, take down every light, dismantle the drumkit, and throw the trash bags over to the neighbours. All that with a raging head ache and hangover belly

But then they discovered the scrawled permanent marker across  the bathroom door: Rodrick Rules. 

Oh, we’re so fucked. 

“Did you do that?” Greg squeaked. 

Rodrick’s face twisted as he gestured to the defiled wood, “pshh– What?– Why would I?– No!”

“Someone must have had a great time then,” Greg smiled, like he had anything to do with the success of Rodrick’s party. 

“Just– Urgh,” he looked around the corridor frantically. “The basement!” 

So the boys found a spare door hidden in the depths of the basement and finished applying the last screws into the hinges when they heard the click and jangle of keys in the front door. I’m so handy, Rodrick thought, fumbling the last screw head. But in all their haste to switch the bathroom door with the spare, they had not accounted for the – now glaringly obvious detail – that the original bathroom door had a lock, and this imitation, in their misfortune, did not. 

Of course their mum realised that day, but when she pressed the boys for answers, they denied, denied, denied. 

Even Greg kept his cool. Greg maybe was … a little– No he’s still a nerd. Just not the worst kind. 

Actually, the timing had been perfect. While taking his mind off of Regina, Rodrick funnelled, otherwise wasted energy, into spending time with his little brother. Sharing his secrets to leading an easy life; rules that he spent years trial and erroring. Like a Jedi knight and his Padawan. And they had fun. 

“RODRICK NOW!!”

Rodrick bolted down the stairs. Greg was already there, ever the suck up.  

His dad glared at him, spying some wrongdoing. Still weary of the boys since their return from vacation. But that was what he was like lately, while their mum smiled widely, bouncing Manny on her hip. 

“How does it take you longer–” his dad started, but his mum elbowed him in the ribs. 

“You look nice, honey. Now let’s go!” 

There was absolutely no reason for her to be this excited about a Christmas talent show. 

Despite their  dad confusing the accelerator for the brakes, they were making great time. 

“There’s no need to speed,” he retorted, hunched over the steering wheel. Then to change the subject from his wife’s gripes, added, “I’m glad someone’s putting those weights to use.” He eyed Rodrick through the rearview mirror, “it's good to develop some discipline. And focus. You need that at your age.” Rodrick continued staring out the passenger window.

His mum strained her face over the seat, “and you two have been closer than ever. I think that weekend at home has done you wonders.” She turned back to her husband to continue needling him about how late they were and to please stop slowing down at every yellow light. 

Of course by the time they reached the school there was only street parking up the road. Some parents and their children flitted towards the light of the open auditorium like insects. 

Rodrick’s mum handed Manny to his dad and pulled Rodrick aside while the others walked ahead. 

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed,” she said sternly. 

Rodrick’s stomach seized. 

“There’s a girl involved. Isn't there?”

“I– I have no idea. There’s no girl.”

She folded her arms over her chest, eyes trained on her son who had clearly been putting effort into his appearance. Showering every day. Working out. Brushing his hair. 

“Did your band break up?” she said slowly. 

Rodrick shook his head furiously.

“But you’ve been closed off. Your friends haven’t come over for practice in weeks and you’ve been shutting yourself in your room.”

“I’ve been studying!” 

His mother clutched her invisible pearls. 

“So it is a girl.” 

Rodrick shook his head, deny, deny, den– “yeah.” And just like that, the weight of the last four weeks left his chest. He felt light headed, as though he’d released a long held breath.

His mother nodded. She wrapped her arm around Rodrick’s hips, nudging him to start their descent to the school. Rodrick replied by securing his arm over his mum’s shoulder, letting her lead the way. Eager parents filed through the double doors. Warm light spilled from the hall and onto the cement pavers. 

They were quiet for some time. A very mature and mutual understanding was made between a mother and her son. 

“Don’t change yourself for a girl,” his mum said suddenly. 

He looked down at her, brows furrowed. 

“Don’t misunderstand me,” she went on, “I like the hygiene and the attention to school. But don’t quit what you love.”

“Thanks mum,” he said. It became awkward again.

They split at the sight of three empty seats at the end of one row. Greg had already scampered off with Rufus (or something) backstage.

With the principal’s informal address, the show kicked off. Rodrick was pleasantly surprised by the performances. A math nerd bounced around the stage rapping about Shaggy, then a middle schooler sang a gut wrenching rendition of Memories, followed by a highschooler in a white tuxedo belting Christina Aguilera. They weren’t … no, they sucked. But not as good as when his little brother emerged in a shimmery unitard. 

Rodrick flicked out their family handycam. The camcorder dinged to life in his hand, full battery, framing the stage, then zoomed onto Greg and his friend, and pressed record. 

When he locked eyes with Greg, he grinned and pointed to the camcorder. OH YEAH! THIS IS ON RECORD. 

What followed was a series of mishaps, bungles and obnoxious stage whispers. It was brilliant. And upon the crescendo of Greg’s disastrous performance the entire hall of parents, teachers, and students joined in raucous laughter. It even brought a tear to Rodrick’s eye as he held his bubbling stomach, fighting to keep the camera still. 

Next came the plastics. The quartet strutted from the wings, dressed in glossy red, fluffy white and coal black. They looked like Harley Quinns that just murdered Santa Clause and made sexy outfits from his skin.Gretchen carried the CD player and placed it at the front of the stage. Her hands trembled as she pressed play on the machine. She scurried upstage, squeaking in her costume and took her place beside Regina, who was cold as ever. 

Regina was poised, soft and curvy compared to the other boxy and angled girls. She pressed her lips into a smile but there was nothing in her eyes but glued rhinestones. 

The music came to life and the plastics began their choreography of hopping, smacking and bending into each other. He heard some gasps from parents nearby, but hey, free show, right?

Beside him, a slight woman in a velour hot pink tracksuit and pin-curled blonde hair danced down the egress. A camcorder in her own hand, filming the floor for all she knew, as mimicked the dance moves of the girls on stage. 

So Rodrick kept recording. Regina might appreciate this tape. But also, the dancing was …

His mum eyed him down the aisle. IS THAT THE GIRL? She mouthed, to which he replied, YES – BE COOL. She grinned, leaning back into her seat. 

Rodrick was still so whipped. He flicked the viewfinder shut. Just three more days and I won’t have to see her or think about her. I’ll finally get over Regina. 

Something tugged at his shirtsleeve and Rodrick jolted in his seat at the sight of Veronica. Roni. 

“Jumpy as ever,” Roni smiled, flashing gapped front teeth. She had finally opted for contacts and her hair was smoothed into a tight pony tail and braid. Far and away from the mousy girl he practiced marching band with a year ago, but she retained the same sweetness and warmth.

“What is it?” Rodrick whispered, one eye still on the plastic’s ludicrous dance. 

“Need a favour,” she said which made Rodrick finally give her his attention. “Harry’s out and we need a percussionist. We’re the last item on the runsheet.”

Rodrick held her gaze for a long while. Perform on stage with the school band? That would end his social career. 

And then he remembered he didn’t have one. Regina had made that much obvious. 

The bandgeeks needed him. 

Rodrick leaned over to his dad, “I need to do something for the band.”

To which his dad turned, eyes and lips wide, “the school band, really!?”

“I’ll be back,” he rolled his eyes but gave Roni a firm nod. He followed her around the audience to the back of house. Everyone from the school band was already waiting. They stood huddled in their blue blazers and instruments in hand, a mix of kids that never fit in anywhere else.

Roni held up a navy jacket, “we kept your old uniform, Rod.” 

“Uh, thanks.” It was so much smaller in his hands; he’d grown into his lanky frame since then. 

Something about the reminder of his dorky years jolted him. He reached for his pockets, pulling out nothing but lint and sherbert wrappers. Rodrick eyed his old bandmates, “anyone have eyeliner?”

They looked at each other and back at Rodrick, gaping at his suggestion that any of them used makeup.

“One sec,” he darted down the wing, clutching the jacket in his hands. 

The eyeliner wasn’t about looking like a rockstar. It was what set himself apart from the old Rodrick. The guy that did whatever his parents told him. The guy that joined the school concert band and got hung up on girls who played clarinet. Maybe he had strayed too far in the last year. Tormenting his little brother mercilessly. Plagiarising every hand in assignment. Lying to his parents on the daily. 

Of course he didn’t deserve a girl like Regina. She saw through him. But he was trying now. If not for her, then for himself. 

Rodrick heard a smatter of giggles and heels clacking in the wing on the high of enthusiastic applause. He rounded the curtain and there she was, nestled beside Aaron.

Regina stopped talking and went rigid under Aaron’s arm. The other girls turned towards him too. His stomach bottomed out under their scrutiny.

Rodrick started but Gretchen beat him to the punch, in her ever whiny voice, “what are you doing backstage?”

He sighed, “anyone have eyeliner I could borrow for two seconds?” This was painful. 

“What for?” Aaron smirked, earning a quiver from Regina. She was nervous. 

It was Cady who spoke next, “mayybee,” she rustled inside a little purse, “here. I just got this.”

“That’s perfect, thanks,” Rodrick snatched the pencil and darted for the dressing rooms. 

~

Regina really couldn’t help the glare she emitted at Cady. Or the eyeroll that followed. Or the nauseating twist in her gut that Rodrick had gaul to approach her. He didn’t though, did he?

The weight of Aaron’s arm was oppressive. Regina shrugged him off, watching as Rodrick disappeared into one of the side rooms offstage. 

“I need a second. I’ll catch you guys outside.” Not waiting for a response, Regina clacked through the wing, tugging at the hem of her black gloves and readjusting her Santa cap. 

She slipped inside the brightly lit room. Rodrick was hunched at a mirror, a dozen yellow bulbs illuminating his skin. He held the eyeliner pencil with an artist’s hand and pulled at his eyelid with the other. 

“What was that?” She spat. 

“What?” Rodrick’s focus was razor at his waterline. He blinked several times then swiped a finger across his lashes, smudging the liner

“Just– that!” She pointed to the door.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Rodrick clicked the cap in place and pocketed the pencil. 

While Regina stammered, he reached for the door. As Rodrick passed, brushing against Regina in the cramped room, she clutched for his arm. He looked down at her. Still and steady. 

His blackened rims made his irises appear cavernous. Looking at Rodrick then was like staring down the side of a cliff, hearing loose stones and crashing waves, unsure if she would ever be ready to make that drop. If his eyes made her lose her senses before, they made her utterly stupid now. Regina’s mouth hung open. She couldn’t force herself to say it. 

He held her gaze with a steel grip, “what do you want from me, Regina?”

“I– Come on. We have fun right?”

“You’re with Aaron, remember?”

She surrendered to a giggle, “that doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me,” he said, voice even, “it matters to me.” He chipped at her armour. 

“I knew you still liked me,” Regina smiled.

Rodrick’s lips pressed into a line. Perhaps the most disappointed anyone had ever dared to look at her. Maybe he thought then that she wasn’t worth it after all. Every push, needle, and swat. Was he finally going to snap?

“I’ve been a bitch to you,” her nervous laugh bubbled again.

Rodrick nodded, “you can hurt me all you want. I won’t like you less.”

It was the final blow: she’d been impaled.

He turned his back on her for the last time. Regina reached out, her gloved fingers brushing the space between his shoulder blades giving him pause. 

“I lied before,” she blurted. He didn’t move, and Regina was grateful that he couldn’t see her face. “… I think about you all the time.” 

His shoulders leveled in one breath. 

In an instant he whirled around and his hands found her neck and jaw. Rodrick forced his lips onto hers and Regina pressed back harder. She sucked on his lower lip, inciting a moan from deep inside his throat. He pushed her backwards, his hands driving down her body, and lifted her onto the makeup bench. Regina tightened her legs around his hips, throbbing against his firmness. There was salt on her tongue and she wondered if he tasted her tears too. 

She missed him. More than what he did to her physically. But how he spoke to her. Like she was someone to be revered, not feared. Someone worthy to crawl back to no matter how many times she squelched them beneath her heel. 

Rodrick was hungry for her. He pressed harder, one hand locking Regina into him, the other tangled in her hair. She wanted him just as much. She needed him. “Rodrick, Rodrick,” she muttered, desperate for him to continue. To feel her breast or find her core beneath her skirt. He murmured something into her neck and kissed and sucked his way down her collarbone. 

“Hey!”

Their faces whipped to the door, warm and glowy. 

A girl in a pressed blue uniform stood with her palms raised, “what are you doing Rod? We’re on now!”

“Shit,” he breathed, his forehead on Regina’s shoulder. 

Regina couldn’t help but feel like a stunned little doll on the shelf, helpless under the other girl’s squinty glare. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, I have to do this.” Rodrick gave her hips a firm squeeze before unravelling himself. His eyes were heavy as he left the dressing room. 

Everyone’s on stage, Rod, Regina overheard the girl’s husky voice, what were you thinking?

Regina slid off the bench and sat in front of the mirror. Her lips were swollen from blood rush. She touched them with the synthetic fabric of her black gloved fingers. She could still feel Rodrick’s tongue caressing her mouth, biting her lip. She could still taste him.

Wind and percussion seeped into the room. Regina could discern the faint melodies of the Nutcracker played on stage, but unsure which song exactly. Of course Rodrick could play classical music. What couldn’t he do?

Chapter Text

Rodrick tore off his band uniform, ignoring the distinct rip of a garment that was far too small, and far too old to handle with such disregard. He was still catching his breath, mind whirring from the concert, the unbelievable high he felt performing. And of course, the intoxicating feeling of making out with Regina Fucking George. She wants me so bad. 

He clambered out of the hall to meet his parents. His mum wrapped him in a tight embrace, “I’m so proud of you honey!”

“Ow–ow, knock it off,” he squirmed but his mum did not falter. So he sank into her hug, deigning to pat her back. 

“Nice one buddy,” his dad playfully punched his shoulder. 

“So you’re a bandgeek again?” Greg rasped.

“It was a one time thing – a favour.” 

“Hey Rod!”

Thank God. It was Roni to the rescue.

Rodrick untwisted himself from his mum’s grip, “... hey.”

“Some of us are heading to Applebees, wanna join?”

Rodrick’s phone buzzed aggressively in his pocket, “one sec.” He turned away from the group, pressing on the receiver, “hello?”

“I’m having a small get-together right now at mine. Come over, loser.”

He looked over his shoulder at Roni’s expectant face. Behind her were the rest of the band group, packing away their cases into the back of Roni’s mum’s station wagon. Someone struggled to remove their band jacket, getting it caught over his head, so the other naturally pulled their jackets over their heads, and erupted in asinine laughter.

His mum watched him, “who’s that dear?”

“... I uh …”

“Whatever,” Regina spat, “not your speed anyway,” and hung up.

Why the fuck did I hesitate?

“So you coming?” Roni smiled. 

Rodrick looked between Roni and his parents, who nodded at him eagerly. 

“Go, go! Have fun. Just don’t stay out too late,” his mum grinned. 

“Sure,” he grumbled. 

He managed to secure shotgun beside Roni who drove with a leaded foot and had the reflexes of a hummingbird. Rodrick still wasn’t sure how they managed to fit eight people in the car. Maybe it worked a  year or two ago, when they were all scrawny teens, but now they consumed every nook and crevice, pressed against the windows and smacked about with every wild swerve. 

Someone nudged a flask into Rodrick’s shoulder, which he took eagerly. He swung back a mouthful of bourbon that ripped through his throat. It tasted like acetone. Rodrick took another sip before handing it back then settled into the seat. Somehow the rush from the stage burnt up and what he really wanted to do, or see, had gone cold on him. Again. It wouldn’t have felt like such a kick to the balls had Regina not said all of those things backstage. I think about you all the time. And the way she kissed him. Her legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him close. It had taken him weeks to unpick his obsession, to get to a point where he was eating again, and only a moment to reignite whatever fucked up flame they had started at the Halloween party. 

“What crawled up your ass and died?”

“Hmm?” Rodrick turned to Roni, her eyes glued to the road, leaning over the wheel slightly. She probably didn’t realise she was doing it.

“You thinking about Barbie?”

“Who?”

“You’re so thick,” she rolled her eyes. “I thought for sure you’d be with her tonight.”

Rodrick shrugged, staring out the window again. “She invited me to some kick back at her place.”

Roni lowered her voice, but it didn’t matter because their conversation was drowned out by the buffoon laughter from the backseats, “Regina George invited you to her house and you said no? Are you a complete idiot?”

“She’s having a get-together,” he whined, raising his palms to Roni. “I won’t know anyone there.”

Roni made a sharp left turn. 

“Hey!” someone called from behind. Rodrick glanced over his shoulder. There was a couple entangled in the middle seats, struggling to make out with Roni’s reckless driving. 

But she ignored them, “you have to go to Regina’s house. Now.”

“She would kill me,” Rodrick said firmly, “like, with her bare fucking hands. She could do it.”

Roni’s eyes widened, “you know one time Regina George punched me in the face? It was awesome.” She smiled wistfully, then snapped out of her reverie, “I bet there’s no ‘get together’. She wants to fuck you.”

Rodrick shook his head, staring out into the dimly lit neighbourhood. The houses grew wider, taller, the lawns freshly manicured despite the recent sleet. 

“…Roni, this isn’t Applebees.”

Roni pulled over, setting the car into park.

“No idiot,” she smiled sweetly. “It’s Barbie’s Dreamhouse.” Roni nodded to the grandest house on the block. A two story, white colonial monstrosity. The house was in darkness besides the orange glow from the top right balconnet, detailed like something out of a fairytale. 

“Doesn’t look like anyone’s over to me,” she added.

“If you don’t see me tomorrow, just know it was Regina’s right hook,” Rodrick winked before scrambling out of the wagon. 

Roni screeched off down the street. The hollers of his old friends echoed down the street. 

And Rodrick was left like a soft noodle on the pavement. He turned for the house. Jesus. The distance from the road to the front door alone was nothing if not presidential. Gravel crunched beneath his sneakers as he approached the car gates left open. Safe neighbourhood. He pulled out his phone, clicking redial and only waited for the pause of the dial tone before speaking, “I’m outside, Reg.”

“Good one.” Her voice bordered on husky.

“You should open the door before I break in and set off your house alarms.” Rodrick stood on the porch, peeking through the leaded windows before making his way around the side, “I bet it's armed to the teeth.”

She yawned into the speaker, “I’m in bed.”

“What are you wearing?” He trailed the wall with his fingertips before catching the pure white trellis extending along the wall. It only went about halfway, maybe a metre from the lit bedroom windows. 

“I’m in sweats.” 

“Reg you’re making me blush.” Rodrick pinched his phone between his ear and shoulder and ascended the trellis with laboured breaths. He was grateful for the upper body strength he’d developed over the last month, but he still felt his heart in his ass the higher he climbed.

“Are you …?”

“Keep going. What else?” he wheezed as he reached the top. There was nowhere else to go. Rodrick gripped the skirting that marked the second floor. His fingers were pressed white. He was so close to the balcony.

“Rodrick…?” he heard the glass door click open, then looked up to find Regina’s pale face in shock as she looked over the railing. Her phone clattered to the tiles.

Rodrick grinned, attempting a risky maneuver of slipping his phone into his back pocket. His hand flew back to the skirting, clawing for support.

“Oh. My. God,” She hissed, reaching out to him. Rodrick took her hands and pressed off the trellis. There was a definitive creak of timber beneath his feet but he couldn't discern it beyond the blood rush in his ears as he hauled his body over the balcony ledge. Regina pulled at his shirt and gripped the back of his skinny jeans, falling back as all his weight tipped over. 

Rodrick pushed off onto his elbows, directly above her, “I’msosorryareyouokay?” 

Her face cracked into a smile. Regina George was actually laughing. 

“You skeez.” The bob of her shoulders and scrunched eyes made Rodrick break into a smile too. He dropped his head at her neck. 

“You princess.”

“Loser.”

“Barbie.”

She opened her eyes, clear blue in the liminal light of the night. He watched her for a moment, how the hell did I pull that off.

Rodrick came to his senses, pushing off the balcony floor and uprooted Regina with him. He followed her inside.

“I didn’t think you were actually outside…” 

But Rodrick couldn’t focus on her words, he was too distracted by her bedroom. It seemed at first that the room was submerged in pink light but Regina’s bedroom was, in fact, pink. On one side was an ornamental fireplace smattered with pictures of Regina and her friends, and on the other sat a glorious four poster bed with blood red bedding and matching divans meticulously placed about the space. The whole thing seemed cut and pasted from a home decor magazine.

“You are like a real life barbie. And this is your dreamhouse.”

“I know right,” she turned about her room. She wore a pair of old sweatpants rolled low, revealing a soft belly. Her breasts were about a cup size bigger from the last time he saw her, sitting pert beneath a singlet. “This is the master bedroom too. I made my parents switch me.” Regina twirled, landing on the bed, her fleshiest bits bouncing once. Rodrick had to consciously clench his jaw to make sure it hadn't rolled to the floor. Had she always been this gorgeous?

“What are you staring at?”

Rodrick swallowed hard. “You’re so–”

Regina turned away, folding a knee to her chest, “it’s just water weight, okay? I’m on an all carb diet. I’ll lose eight pounds by Spring.”

“Why? You’re perfect.” Rodrick crouched to his knees before Regina, who still wouldn’t look his way. “Reg, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she croaked, and dabbed at her face. The sound made Rodrick’s gut twist. 

“How was your kick back?”

Regina snorted, “it was a rager. Shame you missed it.”

“Me too,” he smiled, hands on either side of Regina on the bed. “I bet you were thinking about me.”

“Sure,” she shrugged. 

“What do you think about?– of me, I mean.”  

“Hmm…” Regina lowered her leg and lent back into her bed. “Your hands.”

“My hands?” Rodrick raised his palm, inspecting the back of his hand, his slim fingers, calloused pads. “Is that what girls think about?”

She nodded, biting her lip. “And your eyes.”

“Oh yeah?” He inched closer, his chest separating her knees. As Rodrick eased between her legs, Regina shifted back, opening herself up. 

“Your lips,” she breathed. 

He dipped his chin, settling a kiss in the crook of Regina’s brow, knowing how much she enjoyed it. Rodrick hovered above her. 

“Touch yourself,” he whispered. 

Regina reached under her waist band, her knuckles brushing against his crotch beneath layers of fabric. It sent a shiver through his cock. “Reg, you’re so good.”

He paid attention to Regina’s slow and gentle circles. Taking her time. Rodrick pulled away for a moment, resting on his heels. 

“What’s so funny?” She paused. 

Rodrick wiped the smirk off his face, “no, it’s just…” She likes to savour. 

Regina removed her hand, now sitting up on her elbows. 

“What?”

“Hold on,” and with both fists, Rodrick yanked down her sweats and panties, rolling them off her legs. He discarded them to the floor, standing at the edge of the bed. Regina clamped her knees together, her cheeks hot. 

“Open up,” he said. Soft but assertive. 

Her feet widened, still bent at the knee. Regina’s pussy was a radiant pink butterfly. She held her ankles, making her chest curl upwards.

Rodrick crouched by her legs and licked the head of her mound. Painfully gentle, making sure to add plenty of slick. He liked that she watched.

Rodrick darted his tongue at her nerves and she threw her head back, a whine escaping her throat. He licked again, feather light, like moth kisses fluttering in the dark. 

She moaned again. 

~

“You don’t just love torturing me,” he said. “You love torture.” 

Heat pulsed into her pussy, jarring at the sensitivity with every one of Rodrick’s touches. How she looked was so far from her mind now. 

Rodrick licked a warm stripe along her slit. Then again. And stopped. 

Regina raised her head. “Wh-where are you..?”

Rodrick stood at her vanity, finger at his lips as he inspected the products laid out on the bench. He picked up a makeup brush, with a thin wooden stem and fanned bristles. 

“That’s brand new.”

“Good.” He nestled between her legs at the foot of the bed again. She hadn’t moved from her position on her back. Rodrick wrapped his hand over Regina’s, still clutching her ankle. Something about the semi supine position made her feel like she was in a doctor’s cabinet. 

“Don’t move,” he instructed. Then he ran the featherlike brush head over her clit. 

“Oh my god,” she whimpered. Her clit burnt, bundling all her nerves into a single point that Rodrick tickled over and over again. He stroked over her lips, then nub, pausing when she jerked. How cruel. 

“Shh,” he grazed along her reddening clit. 

It was down right mean. 

She lost function of her words, only able to make high pitched whines and something like ‘please’. Regina was desperate for the tiniest bit of friction. 

“I have you totally figured out” Rodrick cooed. He ceased brushing along her clit, and her hips bucked up in response. “You only want something when you can’t have it.” He lent in as though to give her a kiss between her legs, but instead blew cool air against her exposed nerves, sending a wave of pleasure through her body. “And it scares you that I might move on.”

“That’s not…” she trailed off, receiving more caresses of the brush to her pussy. It was near painful how much her cunt was desperate to be touched. Oh. This was payback. 

“So you keep me on a hook,” he said, no mirth in his voice. Rodrick kissed her between the legs, earning a moan from Regina. “But actually…” he grazed along her engorged clit as gently as he could, “you’re the one that can’t get over me.”

A cry ripped from Regina’s lips. She had been teetering on an orgasm but Rodrick pulled back every time the momentum built. It never lessened. Her need only grew. It made her absolutely feral for his touch. For the wicked way he teased her. 

“Good girl.”

“Ah— ah, please,” she sobbed. She needed to cum. 

“Tell me I’m right,” he said, then blew against her clit. 

She was in no state to disagree. “Fine. Fine. I need you. Please. Rod-Rodrick—“

He’d gone too long. With the last stroke of the makeup brush, too light, too featherlike, unleashed an unexpected orgasm. It rolled through Regina’s blushing pussy, fueled only by subdued touches and tickles. She cried through gritted teeth. It was ruined. 

“Shit,” he said under his breath. “I’m sorry.”

Regina panted. Fucking Heffley. Her cunt throbbed. She threw her arm over her eyes, letting her legs fall apart into a diamond. 

“Are you okay?” Her body rocked as Rodrick climbed onto the bed, weighing down the mattress at his contact. She could feel his breath on her chin as he pushed her arm off her face. “Did-did you … Was that okay?”

Regina forced a glare but she recoiled under Rodrick’s earnest stare. His eyes were so dark and heavy. “Some,” was all her lips could manage. 

“I’ll do better next time,” he said quickly. My God, he’s going to be the end of me. 

“Kiss me,” she said.

He paused for a moment, perhaps trying to process her words. 

“Kiss. Me.”

Confirmation was all he needed. Rodrick held Regina’s cheek and lent close to her mouth, a breath away from her parted lips and waited. Regina closed the distance, engulfing his pouty mouth with her own. Rodrick tasted sweet. Like a liquor long evaporated. She trailed her tongue along his lips and he groaned against her mouth, returning the same move then adding a gentle nip to her bottom lip. 

Of course he kissed well. 

He spoke a big game a few moments ago. But from the desperation in his eyes and the lilt in his voice, she wasn’t entirely convinced he was right. 

There was some truth in his words. She did get jealous at the talent show. Possessive even. And it happened without her even realising. She never stood a chance. 

Regina broke the kiss, “you can’t stay here.”

Rodrick shook his head decidedly, “I know. I know,” and kissed her again deeply.

Chapter Text

Christmas break dragged like a son a bitch. Of course as soon as I make any headway with Regina, my family has to pull some ridiculous stunt. He’d been packed into the family car and spent a week in Chicago with his aunt Meryl and her circus of a family. “That’s what vacations are for! Spending time with family,” Rodrick’s mum squeezed him far too tight to make her point, more like freakshow, he’d thought. His only lifeline in the trenches were filthy texts from Regina. Rodrick was only too eager to come back to school. Something he’d never thought possible. 

In their first week back, Regina had treated Rodrick to a ride in her silver Prius. But it was not lost on him that it was a Thursday afternoon: she hadn’t just blown off her friends to spend time with him, she’d blown off Shane Oman too. And that made Rodrick walk with his pointed chin that little bit higher. 

Of course she picked him up around the school’s backside where no one but maybe a few freshmen might’ve seen them. But who’d believe some wimpy kids anyway?

As Regina zipped through the neighbourhoods, malls, schools and luxury homes with their iron gates and star spangled flags whipped past. She dared to fix her bangs or lipgloss at every red light, dabbing her face with a manicured finger. Rodrick sat on his hands so as to not jerk for her attention that the lights changed to green a whole five seconds ago. Even Roni would have wept at Regina’s reckless driving. But Regina’s sporty car was forgiving. Low to the ground and sleek, they sluiced between traffic like bass in a stream.

“Hey, I made you something,” Rodrick stiffened his whole body like driftwood to reach over into the backseat. Slick cold air licked the sliver of exposed skin between his sweatshirt and jeans as he rummaged through his schoolbag. He shook the square bit of plastic in his hands, weighing the packaging. Suddenly the doodle he scribbled on the front looked less like the couple on MCR’s Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge and more like an Eldritchian horror.

“For me?” Regina grinned and spared a look at his hands. “You made me a CD? That’s so cute.”

“Yeah,” his laugh caught in his throat, “wait, why’d you say it like that?”

“Like what?”

Rodrick narrowed his eyes on Regina but she was focused on the road. He cracked open the case and slid the disc into the port. Rhythm guitar, bass and drums burst through the speakers, making Regina jump. 

“What the–?”

“We gotta turn this up!” Rodrick twisted the volume peg, headbanging to the chorus. “… she said ‘what?’ and I told her that I didn’t know. She’s so cool…”

Regina relaxed into her seat, dipping her own chin at the Blink-182 song. “Alright it’s catchy,” she said.

“Take a right there,” Rodrick pointed and Regina turned onto a quieter street running parallel with the beach. A few people dawdled about in the frigid air, taking their dogs for a walk, and mums jogging with their bubs in tow, while it was still light out.

This became their norm. They’d drive to the beach listening to a rotation of Rodrick’s burnt CD’s, usually a mix of pop-punk, rock and metal, to which Regina, more often than not, would grit her teeth through until she could play the radio and listen to the Hottest 100. Then their Thursday evening would end either in the Heffley’s garage, before his parents came home from work that is, or to Regina’s house. Rodrick had yet to meet Regina’s father but her mother would flap into Regina’s bedroom, pecking them with snacks and mocktails.

Tonight was one such occasion. 

Regina had pinned Rodrick down to her bed. She had him locked between her legs and pressed his wrists into the pillows, kissing him like she wanted to leave a bruise. Rodrick glanced at the corridor light spilling into the room, followed by a cackle, “urgh you guys! God I love yah.” He couldn’t move beneath Regina’s steel grip and could only grunt between her powerful kisses. Mrs George ogled for a moment longer before she placed a tray on Regina’s tall boy and slipped out.

“Reg!” he managed.

She huffed, sitring on her heels, “what’s wrong?”

“The D-O-R-E?” he whispered.

“The what?”

“The door,” he annunciated, now jerking his head and waving at the fresh plate of celery and carrot sticks left behind from Mrs George’s visit.

With a deep sigh, Regina peeled herself off and padded over to her bedroom door. She crossed an arm over her chest and flicked the lock, “happy?”

Rodrick melted into the pillows.

“You’re so paranoid,” Regina smiled and dove onto him with the same ferocity as before. She held him down with her weight and secured his face to kiss him. 

Rodrick wriggled beneath her, “can we just… Slow down a sec?” and shifted himself up against the head board.

“What now?” Regina pouted, her pale brows furrowed. Her long blonde hair was loose over her rounded shoulders. She looked more like an angel everyday. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember what even gave him pause.

“I…”

“It’s because you’re a virgin, right?”

“No, I– Yes– Maybe–”

“I don’t care, Rodrick,” she shook her head. “Come on…” she towered over him again, tugging at the hem of his shirt. He covered her eager hands with his own and Regina snatched them away like she’d touched a hot iron. “It’s me. You don’t want to have sex with me.” 

“No, no, Jesus, of course I do,” he stuttered, “I just … Don’t want to fuck it up. I want it to be good.”

“It’s not going to,” she laughed, “so don’t worry.”

“But it has to be. I want it to be good for you.”

“Firsts aren’t good. That’s, like, the rules of the sex.”

“I’ll be different.”

Regina’s jaw ticked, “how?”

He shrugged, scanning the room, “I could …”

Now her face pinched beyond a look of suspicion. “I’m dying to know,” she said flatly.

“Have you got toys?”

“Excuse me?” a blush formed over her cheeks.

“I meant, where are your toys?”

“I don’t …” Regina’s eyes darted to her night stand. 

Caught out, he thought. Oldest mind trick in the book.

Rodrick rolled to his side and reached for the bottom drawer while Regina lunged, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him away, “no!”

“Come on, let me see what you’ve got.” Even though Rodrick could overpower her, he struggled against her sheer will to reef him away. “... Almost…” The tips of his fingers latched onto the silver handle and the drawer slid open. “Oh, ho ho ho, Reg …”

“You skeez!” she clung to his shirt, the cheap fabric bunched between her fingers.

“This is perfect,” Rodrick pulled out a hot pink dildo. The phallus was firm in his hand but it had some give when he squeezed. One end had an exposed knob and the other flared out into a flat base. It wasn’t outrageously sized either … It was normal.

There was no more protest from Regina, not when she had a slew of other little vibrators, all mixed up in their cords and loose batteries.

Rodrick couldn’t help the grin etched on his face. Once up right, he scooped Regina in his arms and flipped her onto her back. She huffed, her eyes wide.

“Let’s call it a trial,” he hovered over Regina, his lips brushing against her jaw. “I want to have sex with you,” he said, as peppermint filled his nostrils, “but I want to earn it.”

A sigh escaped Regina’s lips. “Alright then. Don’t fuck up.”

Rodrick nuzzled the sensitive skin between her ear and neck as he rolled the hem of her tank top. Her bra today was neon orange and dotted with pink hearts. It barely contained her breasts. He gave the pillowy spillage soft kisses, burying his nose between the fold. I could die between these tits. With his warm tongue, he licked between her breasts, winning another sigh. Yeah, and I’d die happy. 

He’d journeyed to her belly button, kissing the soft skin before meeting the elastic band of her skirt. 

“What do you usually do?”

“Hmm?” Regina’s face was pink and her eyes fluttered. He’d barely even started. 

Rodrick grinned, “what position? Missionary? Cowgirl? Reverse?”

That earnt a laugh, “get that from a dirty mag?”

Heat rushed to his face. “… Well, yeah.”

“I don’t know. The one where the guy’s on top?”

“Is that what you like?”

She shrugged. “Isn’t that standard?”

“I’ll start there.” Rodrick stretched the waistband of her skirt and panties, pulling them down her hips and flicked them to the side. 

“You’re still dressed!” She squealed, locking her knees together. 

“I’ll last better,” he whispered. “Here,” he took off his shirt by pulling from the back. Rodrick could feel his hair sticking out at all ends from the friction, but there was no point fixing it. 

He pressed his palms on Regina’s thighs and she opened up to him. Rodrick hovered over her, his knees between her legs, and an elbow resting by her side. With his free hand, he stroked her slit with the dildo. 

She hummed in his ear. “I have lube.”

He didn’t need more instruction. If a girl brought up lube then they needed lube. Even though Regina was slicker than a waterslide. Rodrick reached into the drawer, fishing out a narrow canister. He generously pumped clear gel over the dildo and went back into position, in an attempt to be as close to the real deal as possible. 

This time, as he teased her edge, the knob slipped in. She held her breath and her body stiffened. 

“You’re doing so good for me, Reg,” he said, voice low. Rodrick pressed into her and her pussy sucked in the dildo. He held the end then pulled out slowly, “fuck, you’re so good.”

Regina took hold of his face and hair, her blue eyes wide on him. He’d never felt so wanted. 

She responded with soft moans with every slow insertion, then it hitched when he sped up. He played with the rhythms and angles, paying close attention to how tight Regina scrunched her eyes and when she moaned loudest, then doubled his efforts. 

Rodrick shrugged one of her legs over his shoulder and that was when a loud whine escaped her lips. He covered her mouth quickly, pressing down on her body. Regina groaned, thrusting against him, trying to take in more of the dildo. 

“Have you shown anyone else your little friend?” He whispered. 

She shook her head in her minute way and continued grinding into him. Rodrick didn't move, utterly amused by her desperation. 

“It’s your little secret, huh?” His palm was still firm against Regina’s mouth and with the other he pulled the dildo out slowly, “what other secrets do you have?” Then he drove the toy inside up to the base and Regina groaned. He started again, pulling it out slowly. She was tighter in this position, curled beneath him with her leg raised up, “do you think about me when you touch yourself?” She cried again at the insertion, her head curling back. “Do you think about me,” Rodrick teased Regina’s opening, the tip kissing her swollen clit, then without warning, thrust into her, “when you fuck other guys?”

Regina thrashed against him, both of his hands were soaked from her saliva and fluids. He pumped the dildo into her faster as he pressed into her leg, letting the phallus stretch her pussy. 

“You wish it was me.”

She continued whining and slobbering into his hand. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that anyone else could undo Regina George like he could.

Rodrick's stiff cock pushed against his jeans painfully. What little friction he was getting made him teeter on the edge. He wasn’t going to last long. 

“Reg,” he sighed, removing his hand from her face to palm at his erection. 

“Let me… I’m…” she forced, her eyes hard on his, “so close…”

“That’s the plan, princess,” Rodrick smiled. He shuffled down her body, still pumping into her. He now had the freedom to lick hot stripes along her clit, sucking and kissing just how she liked it. Regrina fisted his hair, the bed sheets, whatever she could grab. 

“Rodriiick… Oh fuck,” her voice strained then fizzled out. 

Rodrick kept fucking her with the dildo and sucked on her swollen nerves. He only stopped when Regina crashed her knees together, sandwiching his face and forcing him to the side. 

“You got it, you got it,” she panted, her body still trembling. 

Rodrick crawled up beside her, dropping his head heavily against the pillows. He’d taken his guard down only for a second when Regina swung herself over him, straddling his hips, pinning his arms with one hand and fumbling with his jean zipper with the other. 

“Waitwaitwait,” he glared at her hand holding his freed cock. 

“I’m not going to fuck you,” she taunted. Instead, she jerked him off, grinning as he blew out a breath. “I’ve never felt you this hard.”

Rodrick couldn’t reply beyond, “sh-shit. I’m coming. Please–”

It happened so quick: Regina covered his tip with her mouth, her soft lips rolling down his shaft as she continued massaging his base. He came in sudden spurts down her throat, the sharp pressure from his balls tingling through his whole body. 

“You don’t last long, do you?” Regina’s mocking voice speared him back into reality.

“Not with you,” he said, splaying an arm over his eyes. “You ruin my average.”

The bed groaned in relief as she got up to dress herself. “Excuses.”

“How’d I do?”

“Shut up, you know you’re a good lay.”

Rodrick chuckled as he sat up, shuffling his feet off the bed, and tugging on his jeans. He hit something sharp against his ankle. It was a large pink scrapbook daubed in lipstick prints. Across the centre in collage lettering read ‘Burn Book’. 

“Hey… What’s this?”

Regina pulled over long sleeve, glancing in his direction, “it’s stupid. Just gossip.”

Gossip? It was hefty. “Any of it true?”

She shrugged, “some.”

Rodrick split the book in two, opening to a random page. “Holy shit. Tran Pek… and coach Carr?”

Regina padded over, pointing to the page, “that’s true.”

The book trembled in his hands. “She– What?” Tran’s year book picture was taped to the page beside a photo of their teacher, clearly cut from a team shot. Under their names someone scrawled in horrific pink lettering, do it in the projection room above the auditorium.

A small hand snatched it from his slack grip. “I don’t think you’re ready for it.”

He swallowed hard, “but … if that was true, then there are true things in it?”

“I don’t keep track of all the gossip.” She shucked the book unceremoniously onto the bed, a corner hanging off the edge precariously. “I barely write in it anymore. Gretchin’s the one that keeps that thing alive. Feeding it secrets.”

A spike of anxiety coursed through Rodrick's belly, rolling a wave of nausea. He didn’t want to ask out loud, but the question lingered in mouth. Am I in that book?

But Regina was staring at herself intently in the mirror now. Twisting her form this way and that. Pinching the soft flesh above her hips and sucking in her gut. Her eyes were sharp on her reflection, like all she wanted to do was cleave the girl the mirror and leave nothing but bone. She reached for her handbag hanging off a handle on her dresser and fished out a cellophane wrapped bar. It was a practiced motion, within a second the chocolate bar was in her mouth and her eyes never left the mirror. Regina chewed with a vengeance.

“What’s that?”

Regina shot to Rodrick. She had forgotten he was there. “This?”

“You eat it all the time,” he nodded, “is it any good?”

“Uh … It’s from Switzerland or something.” Chocolate clinging to her teeth flashed with every word, “supposed to make you lose weight.”

Rodrick clamped his jaw shut. Don’t say it. He curled his hands into fits. Don’t say it. Even his eyes froze on Regina’s soft cheeks. Don’t say– “I don’t think it’s working.”

Time moved slow. There was no way he could take that back now. 

The girl in front of him burnt up from the root. Regina’s cheeks scorched and her eyes were the same blue flames he’d seen in science: the result of perfect combustion.

“Reg…”

Between her gut wrenching screams he could discern a distinct command forced between her teeth over and over, “Get out! Get out! GET OUT!” 

Rodrick lunged, wrapping his arms around her body. It burnt against his own skin. “I’m sorry, I didn’t–”

“Argh! Get off of me! You FREAK. You fucking ass. You–”

Rodrick held fast onto her arms as the ball of fire pushed and clawed in rage. 

He sputtered, “It’s good it’s not work–”

“Fucking skeez. You complete–”

“I like how you look–!”

“You– You–!”

“I like you!”

“Shut up!”

“Reg! Ouch!”

Rodrick wrenched himself away, and Regina stumbled back from the impact. His forearms stung, covered in crimson crescent moon shaped indentations.

“I said get out!” she cried. Regina shoved past Rodrick for the balcony, rubbing her face. 

“I didn’t mean …” he sighed. She was already outside, her shoulders rising with every sob. His stomach weighed like a boulder.

Rodrick slipped on his shirt before slinking out of Regina’s bedroom. What the fuck just happened?

Chapter Text

By the time Rodrick drove home and parked his van on the street it was well past dinner time. He shuffled into the house, roast and potatoes still lingered in the air as his mum washed up in the kitchen. He chucked his keys on the hallstand, missing the overflowing bowl of trinkets and loose change, as he dragged his heavy head into the living room. Rodrick’s shins hit the armrest of the couch, followed by the rest of his body, as he toppled face-first into the cushions. His mum’s voice echoed far away, “where have you been? It’s late, Rodrick. I made you a plate… Oh, honey…” But he didn’t quite catch the rest.

~

DO YOU HAVE AN AMAZING TALENT?

Rodrick jolted awake, his face pointed at the blaring television. A prim and pressed newspresenter flashed her white smile, “Battle of the Bands 2004 returns to Illinois, hosted at Thalia Hall. The winning band will be signed with Head Noise Records and receive a thousand dollars in cash.”

From his left, Rodrick felt the cushions bounce beneath his brother and his friend.

“Hey Greg, maybe we could–”

“Can it, chunky cheese!” Rodrick hissed, squinting at the reporter as she surged through the terms of the competition, rushing through the rules, glazing over Rodrick’s foggy brain. Apply now. Selection auditions held next month. He tried to focus on her words, but his mind was scattered, not entirely believing his own damn luck. This was it. This was Loded Diper’s chance to make it big. This was his chance to prove himself. 

“I gotta call the band,” his eyes searched for the home phone “... we gotta practice…” What time was it? What day is it?

He whipped around the room, taking in his surroundings. His stomach prickled at the thought that he might actually be dreaming. Greg and his friend sat wide eyed at Rodrick, their faces freshly washed and hair combed. 

“Boys! You’re going to be late. Come on!” Their dad yelled from the next room. 

Rodrick zipped into the kitchen. He gulped from a stray glass of orange juice then nicked a piece of toast off the linoleum counter and secured it between his teeth. He turned for the door, free hand fumbling on the hallstand attempting to locate his van keys. 

“Rodrick!”

He cracked his neck to his mum. Susan stood with her hands on her hips. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Rodrick rushed back, raising his elbow to the ceiling and pointed to his armpit, “what, I showered yesterday!”

His mum surrendered under the proximity, her nose an inch from his pit. Her nose scrunched behind her glasses, “that’s fine– I meant Greg and Rowley. Take them to school too.”

“I’m going to be late,” he sighed. The two younger boys stumbled past Rodrick for the front door. 

“Then you shouldn’t have slept in!” She called but he was already passing the threshold. “Drive safe!”

Rodrick vibrated from his toes and fingertips. Fine, whatever, he thought. He would stop by the middle school and then he would have a chance to tell the band the good news.  

~

I don’t think it’s working. 

Rodrick's words rattled along Regina’s bones. It wasn’t working. And Spring Fling was only a month away!

And she saw the nominations go straight to those bimbos heads. Gretchen acted like she already won, smiling and flirting with every guy that caught her attention. It was sad, really. Regina pictured her friend’s little face all crumpled and red when the time comes and she’ll stand on the stage and lose. She was nominated as a joke, surely. 

Karen barely had a clue what was going on. But that couldn’t be helped.

And Cady. The homeschool freak was way out of line. It was obvious she had a major crush on Aaron. Still, it was fun to pull him in for long tongueful kisses whenever she was wistfully staring at her boyfriend. Which was often. Aaron was weak for affection and always sunk into her embraces. This way, Regina killed two losers with one stone. 

Regina spotted Rodrick in the cafeteria and was quick to wrap her arms around Aaron. She could still feel Rodrick’s calloused palms on her body, his pouty lips on her breasts. It set her alight how good he made her feel in bed. Until he didn’t. And he was going to pay for what he said. 

Regina pulled Aaron by the scruff of his neck for a kiss, but on this occasion he slipped from her grasp, “what are you doing?”

The other girls were watching the pair beneath their lashes, poking at their salads with plastic forks and remained silent. 

“Oh you’re so modest,” Regina twinkled her little smile and ran her fingers up and down his arm, “I’ll see you later, right?”

Aaron darted his eyes to Cady, who was pretending she wasn’t totally ogling at their display. 

“I uh… Have to help my mum out this afternoon,” he said carefully. 

Regina stared down Cady, who found the back of her juice box far more interesting. 

“Okay,” she laughed, “I love how much you help your mum out. She’s so lucky to have you.”

Aaran smiled warmly back, pulling her in for a side hug. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow though,” he pressed a kiss to her temple. 

“Sure, babes.”

The world truly has turned on its head.

~

Loded Diper was in the throws of their practice. They’d managed to organise time after school every night in the past week. And they were getting better, if Rodrick had anything to say about it. 

Rodrick spent his waking hours drumming. On the steering wheel as he drove the van. Against his desk in class. Along the vanity in the bathroom. He could clear his head when he drummed. It was better than the alternative. 

Did she have to stick her tongue down Aaron’s throat every time he was in the room? 

Rodrick grimaced at the thought, refocusing on the rhythm. It was a brand new song he was still getting the hang of. 

And that smug jock loved having her hang off his arm. 

Did she like him because he was good at sports? Or good with parents? Did well at school? A senior? What does he have that I don’t? Everything. Apparently. Aaron was confident and assured where Rodrick was avoidant and lazy. Guys like Aaron got the girl, not losers like Rodrick. And Regina was a testament to that. 

But Battle of the Bands was going to turn that around. If not, then at least he was having fun with his best friends again. 

Ollie stopped playing mid bass solo and the others followed suit, looking up to Susan standing in the doorway. 

“Rodrick, I need to talk to you.” She nodded to the corridor. 

Rodrick was quick to jump up, circling his drumkit to meet his mum. The others watched on quietly, realising quickly what was about to go down. 

“Go ahead and talk. We’re a band, we have no secrets.” He grinned, pointing his sticks to the others, whose grins were even wider. 

 “Fine,” his mum flashed a magazine from behind her back, pinching the corners like the filth on the cover would sully her skin. The woman in the photograph was splayed across a motorcycle, her red hot bikini barely covering her breasts and her nipples jutted out like marbles. Oh fuck. 

“That’s not mine,” he sputtered. Rodrick glanced at Ollie and the others but they only stared back, mouths pressed tight or covering their smirks. 

“It was in your backpack.”

“No, it was in my room,” Rodrick rolled his eyes. Too late, he realised his mistake. “Shit.”

His mum only reached his chest but at that moment she was a force that could make even The Rock cower. Rodrick shrunk beneath her disappointed glare. He heard the distinct crunch of a chip packet being passed around behind him as the others settled themselves for a show. 

Susan continued slowly, eyes piercing his own. “Did owning this magazine make you a better person?”

“No,” he said quietly.

“Did owning this magazine make you popular?”

“Yes,” The others snickered around him but his mum didn’t find it amusing, “…No.”

“How do you feel about having owned this type of magazine?” 

She held the paper closer to his face, the woman’s ridiculous posture and inflated chest now garish in the harsh light of his mother’s scolding. His face was warm. “…Ashamed.”

“Nice,” Ollie cooed, shoving another cheeto into his mouth.  

“Do you have anything you want to say to women for having owned this offensive magazine.”

He stared at his dirty sneakers. “I’m sorry women.”

The others erupted in insincere applause and it made Rodrick cringe. 

“You’re grounded for two weeks,” she folded her arms, tucking the magazine away. 

“Oh, come on, one week is plenty,” he pleaded. Loded Diper needed every spare moment to practice together. 

“And I’m going to need the keys to the van.”

“The van?” He winced. 

“Any other smart comments?” she tested. Then raised her voice to the others, “practice is over!”

The boys strapped their instruments to their backs and filed out of the garage behind Susan. It was best they left when they did because he couldn’t face them right now. It was just too humiliating. 

How the actual fuck did that magazine end up in my backpack? Rodrick was relieved more than anything that his mum hadn’t found anything else in there. He wasn’t ready for her to string out the chain of condoms wrapped in their foil, or the pack of darts he kept in the front pocket, or the baggie of weed shoved into the side compartment. Of course the magazine made him popular, it all did. It was a bit of fun and, hell, it was rock’n’roll as fuck as far as Rodrick was concerned. 

Still he dragged himself up to the attic after practice, the residual embarrassment shaking off with every step. He lifted his clinging shirt from his body, the stench of dried sweat on his skin. That didn’t matter to him in the slightest. Rockstars were sweaty and grungy and didn’t get hung up on their mother’s scolding. 

And rockstars certainly didn’t get hung up on girls with McMansions and silver Priuses. 

They probably also didn’t lie on their twin size mattress thinking about the stupid shit they said to the most popular girl at their school. 

Only a loser like Rodrick did. 

Shit. He flicked out his phone to search through his contacts. It would be the tenth time he’d called her since his … Incident. And every time he’d been sent straight to voice message. 

His phone rang in his hand, vibrating and blaring Misfits. Rodrick answered immediately. 

“Hello?”

“Where are you right now?” Regina’s crisp voice cut through his brain. 

He shifted in his bed. Rodrick’s mouth went dry. “I– Uh. In my room. Reg–”

“Are you alone? Of course you are.”

“I’m so–”

“Shut up. I don’t care. Take out your pencil dick, loser.”

“What?” His breath hitched. 

“Take. It. Out.”

Rodrick unzipped his jeans and his boxers flared between the teeth. He couldn’t help following her stern instructions. It was humiliating how just the sound of her voice made him firm. Especially when she spoke like that. 

“Come on you skeez. I know you haven’t hooked up with anyone in two weeks. I bet you’re hard already.”

He looked down at himself, growing to full mast. He buried the urge to tell her that he hadn’t wanted to hook up with anyone.

“Go on. Stroke it.”

Rodrick swapped his phone to his other hand and wrapped a fist around his length with his dominant hand. Unable to hide his breathing as he pulled. It was instinct at this point. 

“You utter freak.” 

He was. Rodrick’s ears felt warm but it didn’t compare to the heat in his cock. 

“I know you stare at me at school. That’s if you show up. Can’t handle that I’m with Aaron?”

The pit in his stomach grew leaden. So she was doing it on purpose. 

“You know he’s bigger than you, right?”

At that his phone slipped, knocking to the floor. He dove for it and pressed it to his ear. 

“What?”

“I didn’t say stop.”

Rodrick continued stroking himself. Every pull felt good, drawing a strange sort of pleasure from his balls through his shaft. He never hated himself more than he did right now. 

“Well, I just thought you knew. You know what they say about tall guys.”

“I’m tall,” he said weakly. He gripped harder onto himself, willing it to grow more. But he was well erect now. He definitely wasn’t small. 

Regina’s icy laugh prickled down his spine. “And he also lasts longer than a whole two minutes,” she spat. 

Rodrick’s stomach recoiled but his balls throbbed as he stroked. Fuck me. He was getting close. He didn’t care what she said, as long as she kept talking.

“How does it feel?”

“G-good,” he managed. “So good.”

Regina laughed again, “you’ll do just about anything I say, won't you?”

You know I would.

“You’re a wimpy little freak, Rodrick,” she purred, “tell me what it looks like.”

Rodrick scrunched his eyes shut. Not daring to witness the erection she had caused. 

“Oh, I know. I bet it’s all purple and jizz beading at the top. You’re close aren’t you?”

He nodded, realising she couldn’t see him. “Y-yes.”

“Beg, freak.”

“Please– Please let me cum,” he whined. He choked on his own whimpers as he waited but she didn’t speak. “Reg… God, Reg– Please.”

“No,” she said and hung up. 

Rodrick’s orgasm rampaged through his cock and he pumped until the last of it escaped his tip in spurts. Ropy splats landed across his sheets, as his phone dialed out. 

Shit. Shit. 

Rodrick stood too quickly, a rush hitting his head and he laid back down. 

“Fuck me.” His stomach lurched. Only Regina could make bliss feel like torture. 

It was the least he deserved, he thought, not bothering to tuck himself away. He hoped against all hopes it was just Regina’s way of forgiving him. Or getting even it seemed. 

God, I’m pathetic. 

Chapter Text

Regina preened before the mirror, squeezing a particularly angry zit on her chin. She had a few red spots scattered around her face. Her pores were huge and her face felt puffy. Not bearing to dissect her face further, Regina threw herself onto her bed. The mattress creaked beneath her body and she pressed her knees to her chest. 

She flicked open her phone: Five New Messages. 

Four were from Rodrick. No surprises there. And the most recent was from Aaron. 

Need 2 talk 2 U aftr school

Regina groaned into her pillow. Another reason not to go. 

“Honey?” Her mother peeked around the crack in the doorway, “you’ll be late if you don’t leave now. Are you driving your girlfriends?”

Regina kept her nose pressed into her pillow, her reply muffled, “yes.”

“What’s wrong, sweetie. Tell me,” she crouched beside Regina, stroking her hair, “did something happen at school?” 

Regina shook her head into a wet patch in the pillow.

“Did you have a fight with Aaron?”

No. 

“The girls?”

At this, Regina raised her head. “No,” she croaked. “I just feel…. Mum, I’m fat and I’m breaking out and I think Aaron’s going to break up with me and nothing fits!” She cried. June wrapped her arms around Regina, cradling her golden head to her chest. 

“Can I stay home with you?”

“No sweetie.”

Regina stiffened. She’d never heard the word no come from her mother. 

“And I’ll tell you why,” June continued brushing back Regina’s hair, “you’re better than that. When I was your age I skipped school all the time. Sometimes because of a zit or a rumour or a bad haircut. But hiding didn’t help. The next day I was the same girl at the same school with the same problems.”

Regina’s sobbing slowed, sniffling gently in her mum’s embrace. She felt pathetic and not like herself at all. Other people are insecure, not me. If she didn’t show up now then she’d admit to being a loser. And Regina George was not a fucking loser. 

“You are such a beautiful girl. You’re so young and spunky. You have your whole life still ahead of you,” June pulled away to look Regina in the face. Her blue eyes were round and kind, if not aged versions of the eyes in Regina’s mirror. “Now go take a look in my closet and see if there’s anything you like. You can have whatever you want.”

“Thanks mum,” Regina smiled. “I needed that.” 

~

The pang in Rodrick’s gut made lunch an impossible endeavor. So he tossed what was left and headed for the soccer field, hoping the cold weather would snap him back to his senses. He barely got any sleep last night, staring at the ceiling, wishing he was literally anyone else. After the painful reminder that he didn’t hold a candle to Aaron 

Rodrick had gotten a lift with his dad that morning and was only twenty minutes late to his first period. At Evanston, the teachers seemed to care a whole lot more if you’re tardy than if you don’t show up at all. But it served his parents right for taking the van keys off of him. 

“And don’t forget,” his dad pointed a stern finger in the air, “mum’s editor and her husband will be coming over for dinner next Saturday. I want you to be presentable and on time.”

“Yes, I know,” Rodrick groaned. 

“I’m serious this time, Rodrick. If you can’t prove to us that you’re responsible then there will be consequences.”

Rodrick bit his lip to stop himself from laughing in his dad’s face. They had nothing left. They already grounded him and took the van. Suppose that sentence will be over soon and he could have the guys over again to practice. But it was all empty threats anyways. 

His lack of sleep was catching up with him now. Rodrick barely got through the last period conscious but managed to catch Regina’s eye between fourth and lunch and she didn’t immediately make him regret it.

Rodrick pulled out his smokes, took a cigarette to his lips and cupped his face as he lit the end. Nothing like fresh air.

He’d heard her approaching steps crunch against frigid grass before he was shoved against an oak tree, the cigarette hanging limp in his mouth. Regina had an iron grasp on his shoulders. 

“Liked my little phone call?” Regina laughed.

“Probably not as much as you did,” the cigarette flapped between his lips, “for a second there I thought you went cold on me.”

Regina snatched the cigarette and smothered it underneath her designer boot. “I’ll show you cold.” She kissed him deeply, her nimble hands around his throat. “Tell me how much you missed me.” Her lips dragged along his jaw, peeling his hoodie back to reach his neck. Regina’s lips scorched his skin. 

“Every night,” he murmured. 

She sucked on his neck as a hand found the firm bulge between his legs. “Go on.”

Rodrick’s head tipped back against the bark as Regina palmed his growing erection. A moan escaped his lips. He wasn’t ready for this. “Wait, Reg,” Rodrick’s eyes fluttered open, “not here.” He found her wrists, peeling her hands away. 

Regina stepped off, her cheeks pink, but that could have been the crisp afternoon air. 

“Can we just… talk?” he winced. Rodrick expected for Regina to turn around, flicking her long blonde braid in his face. But she didn’t. 

Regina stood with her arms crossed over her chest. She wore a champagne puffer jacket that scuffled when she moved her arms and a long skirt that reminded Rodrick of Stevie Nicks. What couldn’t she pull off?

“Stop staring, skeez.” But her words had no bite. She flashed a genuine smile that made the beauty marks on her cheeks bounce with the corner of her glossy lips. 

Rodrick flicked open the pack of darts and offered up the carton. Regina plucked one and placed it between her lips for him to light.

“I don’t want a whole one,” she mumbled. 

Rodrick flicked the lighter and stepped back. He crossed his arms over his chest as he watched Regina smoke, enjoying bearing all his weight against the rough oak.

“I called you,” he said finally. “A lot.”

She stared at the tree roots, “I know.”

“…And?”

She looked up then, her eyes glassy but hard like shards of ice. “I have a lot on my plate right now. Between school, my friends, my boyfriend, my reputation and the damn Spring Fling Committee. God, it’s too much.” Regina took another drag, smoke billowing from her nostrils as she handed the cigarette back. 

“I’m just a distraction then,” he said. 

“You’re realising this now?” 

Rodrick was all too aware of Regina’s cold gaze raking over his face. The charade he held up before Christmas break dissolved like salt in the snow. He was suddenly much too aware of his smudged liner, bed hair and moth eaten hoodie. It didn’t matter anymore. Not when the consolation prize was being another notch on Regina’s foreposter bed. 

“I just thought I would’ve changed your mind by now,” he shrugged. He blew out a breath and handed Regina the last bit. 

“It’s more complicated than that,” she rolled her eyes. “We’re too different. You’re a burnout, for one.” It was so matter of fact. 

“What does that even mean?” Rodrick shook his head, refusing to look her way. “You need kindling to burn out. I don’t think I ever even had a fire.” 

~

Regina laughed, “alright let me dumb it down. You’re wasted potential. Did you know that?”

He whipped his head, “am not.”

She nodded insistently as she took another drag. “You are if I’ve ever seen it. It looked like you were actually trying for a minute there,” and threw the stub into the dirt, crushing it beneath her boot. “What do you want to do after school?”

He smiled, “go to yours,” he shrugged, “or mine. Can’t do the van at the moment–”

“That’s not funny,” she pinched her nose. “I meant, what are you going to do once you leave school? College plans?”

“Oh … um.”

“You’ve never thought about it. Have you?”

“Loded Diper,” he said quickly, “audition for Battle of the Bands. Win the prize money. Get signed. Quit school,” he spread his fingers like peacock feathers, “and become a rockstar.”

Regina’s jaw hung loose. Had he not been so earnest she might have devoured him on the spot. “That has to be the worst plan I’ve ever heard.”

Rodrick’s cheeks flushed. 

“Is that the best you’ve got?” she forced, attempting to be diplomatic but she was sure it was coming off harsher than she intended, “here’s what you do: apply to a music program. Any. Like at Berklee or Julliard. Try for a scholarship.”

His face scrunched, “they’re on the other side of the country!”

“Fine! Northwestern then. I’m just spitballing, Rodrick! But you’re better than this. You’re above the burbs and you don’t try! You can leave and not look back.” Regina breathed hard and her eyes prickled. 

He stared at her for a good moment before cutting the tension. “Are you leaving Illinois?”

She glanced away, “I want to go to NYU.” 

Trees crowded the edge of the oval. Tall and unrelenting. Their roots embedded so deep into the town that to remove them would be a grave dispossession. 

“Julliard’s in New York,” he said quietly. 

Regina nodded, otherwise still like the oaks around her. If I just had an ounce of your talent… 

The truth was, Regina didn’t know what she wanted to do after Evanston High. New York was glamorous. Chic, sure. Maybe even what everyone expected of her. But then what? 

Distant ringing called from the school building. It did nothing to shake the weight in Regina’s chest. 

“That’s the bell.”

“Just ditch with me,” he offered a smile. 

Regina’s smirk cracked across her porcelain face, but her eyes remained glassy and unchanged. She was yet to speak with Aaron and she needed to leave the field before someone spotted her talking to Rodrick. “I’ll see you later, loser.”

~

Something in Regina’s voice shook him. He didn’t end up ditching both last periods. Just maths. And that was only because Mrs Norbery breathed down his neck every class, “I’m a pusher,” she’d grit, “I know you can do better.” He couldn’t deal with another set of disappointed eyes. It seemed like every woman in his life wanted to steer him to where she thought he’d be less of a waste of space. 

Rodrick thrashed along to his burnt CD, drumming along to Travis Barker on his kit in the garage. His parents wouldn’t be home from work for another hour or so. This was prime practice time.

He missed the rapt on the garage door and only saw from the edge of his eyeline a pale blonde scuffle through the metal threshold. Regina’s face was red and wet, her arms wrapped around herself. It had only been a few hours since he’d seen her behind the soccer field but his chest warmed at the sight of her anyway. 

Rodrick stopped playing, ripped off his head phones and swept her into a hug.

“Why are you– What’s happened?”

“Aaron dumped me.”

He froze around her. 

“Somebody told him,” Regina nuzzled into his shirt. 

“… Told him about us?” Rodrick thought back to Roni walking in on them in the dressing room at the Talent Show, shuddering at the idea that his old friend would gossip behind his back, or worse, tell Aaron about their little escapade. 

But Regina shook her head as tears seeped into his shirt. 

“Some guy on the baseball team told him about Shane Oman.”

Rodrick pulled her off of his chest, holding her by the shoulders at a distance and inspected her puffy face. Even with tear soaked cheeks and furrowed brows, she reminded him of a weeping Mary. But she was far from Virgin. And far from pure. 

“Let me get this straight,” he eyed her, “you’ve come to cry to me— the guy you’re cheating on Aaron Samuels with… because someone found out and told him about you cheating on him with a different guy? Regina–”

“It’s not like that,” she laughed, but it wasn’t funny. “I mean, yeah, but that was before–”

“You know how I– It matters, Reg…”

“No, come on, I wanted to see you,” her voice strained. 

“I know why you’re here,” he gritted. 

In a split second, Rodrick covered Regina’s mouth with his. His hands found her jaw and curled at her nape, forcing her lips apart and dragged his tongue along hers. He pushed into her, forcing her against the tool bench. 

~

Regina stiffened only for a moment, then her fingers curled into his shirt, pressing herself closer. Bitterness seeped into her mouth. Rodrick overwhelmed her senses. His hair product, old leather, sweat, tears and smoke. She wanted it all. 

Rodrick gripped Regina’s hips, then spun her away, tearing their kiss apart. He then pushed down on her upper back, flattening her against the benchtop. Regina huffed at the sensation of Rodrick’s erection at her rear. 

“Golden boy bowed out, huh?” He gripped her hips, grinding against her behind. “And you didn’t– Fuck, I wasn’t even your second choice.” He reached over her body, grabbing a breast in his calloused hand, the other tipping her chin back, peeling her up and pressing her back against his chest. His lips brushed against the shell of her ear, “all you want from me is sex, right? All that shit about him being bigger, or whatever, I know he doesn’t make you cum like I do. Someone to make you forget how shitty you feel. That’s why you come back to me again and again.”

He had her pinned by the neck against himself as his other hand raked down from her breast to her soft belly, disregarded her skirt and found the elastic of her stockings. “But I want you to know,” he peeled her underwear down her hips, “you were never just sex to me,” then inserted two fingers between her legs. 

A humiliating moan escaped Regina’s lips, as Rodrick fingered her. Her cunt spasmed around his fingers. Desperate for him to keep touching her. And— Fuck. He was right. 

“You’re not– to me– either,” she forced, unable to form a coherent thought, nor move, since Rodrick had her pinned. He rubbed her clit with a vengeance, soaking his fingers and rubbing her slick over her nerves over and over. 

“I don’t buy it, Reg,” he growled into her ear, “not when you’re this fucking wet.” 

Regina moaned with every slick insertion. She was weightless and exposed, like an angel he captured in his arms. It was hard to not go back to him. Not when he saw her cruel nature and didn’t recoil. And with every mistake she’d made he never faulted her. Even when Rodrick was hurt he still worshipped her. 

Her face burnt at the memory of the awful things she told him last night. She just needed to hurt somebody. Somebody who liked being hurt by her. And now it was too late.

“Argh, Rod–Rod,” she whimpered. 

“Already?” He hummed against her neck. “Enjoy this like it’s the last time.”

Regina nodded and Rodrick did not hesitate. His rhythm was relentless, sliding over her engorged nerves until heat rushed through her cunt. She cried out, shaking against his body and he hugged her tight, not letting her curl away. He didn’t stop rubbing until she was utterly spent. 

She panted in his arms, unsure if she could stand on her own yet. 

Rodrick pressed his lips behind her ear, warm and soft. “What do I have to do…?” he whispered. “Tell me what to do.”

Regina swallowed hard, coming back to herself. “Let go.”

“Except that.”

“Let go, Rodrick.”

His grip loosened. Regina dropped her hands against the benchtop. She readjusted her skirt and undergarments, hands trembling at the seams. 

“On your knees,” she said. 

When she turned, he was on the floor, staring up at her. Familiar yet entirely different. His brown eyes were heavy, tugging at her heart. She took his chin in one palm and brushed away his damp forelock.

“I’m sorry,” she sighed, “I can’t keep doing this to you.”

“What?” his eyes pleaded.

“Come on, Rod, you deserve more than to be my punching bag.” 

Rodrick stared quietly.

“Everything’s gone to shit but the only thing that’s stuck around is you. And that’s not fair.”

“I don’t care,” he blurted. “I like it.”

“You shouldn’t. You really fucking shouldn’t,” she smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. “That was the last time right?”

“I didn’t mean it. I was upset.”

“It’s for the best.” Regina lent in, drawing his face closer and brushed her lips against his. By the time his eyes fluttered open, she had already reached the door. 

I’m going to regret this, she thought. But it was too late. Rodrick was right, whether he meant it or not, she was a wretch and he didn’t deserve to be the cannon fodder in her life. Not when he’d give or do anything she asked of him. Girls like her didn’t deserve boys like him. Not their virginity or their love. And she knew. She knew Rodrick was hopelessly in love. 

Chapter Text

Regina’s eyelids burnt with every blink, like needles prodded her lids. She drove home and changed into a pair of old pajamas and crawled into her bed like the wretch she was. It had not been five-minutes before a tentative knock on her door and a “Regina? Sweetie? It’s us,” shook her from her wallowing. In filed Gretchen, her little eyebrows furrowed in despair; followed by a wide-eyed Karen; and then Cady, committing to a wonderful impression of grief.

Regina peeled up her head, “you guys!” and the others ran to her sides. Gretchen wrapped her nimble arms around her shoulders, while Karen held her hand. And Cady was just there, her beady eyes observing the others. 

There was something calculating in the home-school freak’s eyes. Cady must know somehow, already, but Regina couldn’t prove it. Or at the very least, now Cady could be an even bigger freak now that Aaron was single and embarrass their group the next chance she gets.

“You’re mum called me,” Gretchen rubbed circles in Regina’s back, “we came right over. Tell us what happened.”

Regina blubbered into the events of the day: how Aaron texted her and then pulled her aside after school to break it off with her.

“Did he say why?” asked Karen.

“Somebody told him about Shane Oman,” Regina sniffled.

“Who?” prodded Gretchen.

“He said some guy on the baseball team.” Regina looked up then, catching a glance between Gretchen and Cady. Something stinks. She cranked up the waterworks, someone would surely crack, “I gave him everything. I was half a virgin when I met him.”

But the others remained as composed as ever. Regina eyed Cady, her lips parted but she was interrupted by Karen’s chirp, “you wanna do something fun? You wanna go to Tacobell?”

“I can’t go to Tacobell. I’m on an all-carb-diet. God Karen, you’re so stupid!” 

Regina huffed and ran to her ensuite. New plan. New plan. One of them had squealed about her and Shane. But only one of them actually knew. She sat on the shaggy toilet lid cover, her hot face buried in her hands.

“Wait, Regina,” chirped Gretchen, “talk to mee.”

She sure as shit wasn’t crying over Aaron. Or Shane. No. Regina made the wrong play and now she had to stew in the consequences. Because after all, Aaron dumped her. Not the other way around and there was no saving face at school. Or salvaging her relationship with Rodrick. He was right. He hadn’t been her first choice. Could you blame me? Did it even matter? 

It matters, Reg, he’d said. 

The lump in her stomach weighed her down. It’s the least I deserve for the shitstorm.

Gretchen slipped through the door and knelt in front of Regina, her spindly fingers resting on Regina’s knees. Seeing her scrunched little face stoked a new kind of rage inside Regina. 

“Jesus, Gretchen, I just need a minute,” she barked. 

“You can talk to me,” Gretchen whispered, “I get it, Regina. I understand what you’re going through. It's just like when Jason–”

“No you don’t! Aaron’s a senior, not some skeez that fucks around with other girls and doesn’t call you back. They are not the same.”

Gretchen’s mouth formed an O, then spat, “well if Aaron’s so good then why have you been blowing him off for Shane, huh?”

“I haven’t hooked up with Shane since November,” Regina snapped, her eyes hard on Gretchen.

She inhaled sharply, “you haven't been sleeping with Shane? Then who?”

Regina shook her head, “that’s not what I meant!” Shit-fuck. If there was one person she couldn’t trust anymore, it was motor-mouth Gretchen.

Gretchen crouched closer, her voice light and airy but still contained a layer of trepidation like she was entering a lion’s den. “Regina, you can tell me. I’ll keep your secret.”

“It doesn’t matter. There’s no one.”

“Really?”

Regina sucked in a breath through her snotty nose. She hadn't ugly cried since middle school.

“It’s not…?” Gretchen started, letting her sentence trail. 

“Don’t you finish that–”

“… Rod…”

“Don’t.”

Her smile grew, “… Rick…”

“You.”

“… Heff…”

“Dare.”

“…ley..?”

“How!?”

“So it’s true?” Gretchen beamed like she had answered a quiz show question correctly.

If word got out, then her life would truly be over. No hot senior varsity boyfriend and rejected by the school’s biggest burn out. 

“Gretchen, how did you know?”

“Well Tyler Hewitt told me that his sister saw Sasha talking with Cow-Bell-Harry about how a band geek was making out with one of the plastics at the Talent show. I knew it was you but I squashed it,” her cheap smile cut though her mousy face. “I told Tyler it was actually Cady and Kevin Gnapoor and that she has a huge crush on him– quick thinking, right? Which she totally does– by the way– cause she joined–”

Regina held up a hand, “you… covered for me?”

Gretchen paused, her brows knitting together slowly, “of course! That’s what friends do!”

It was too much. Regina had stretched herself too thin that she had unknowingly relied on the prowess of a Gucci hootchie to tie her loose ends.

Regina swarmed Gretchen into a tight hug. “Even though you threw Cady under the bus for me, thank you. I won’t tell Cady what you did.” Gretchen stilled in Regina’s arms so she squeezed tighter. “It’ll be our secret.” 

~

Regina’s week devolved from worse to hell. Not only had she endured two break-ups in one day, she had also gone up two dress sizes, thanks to the humiliating try-on at the 1-3-5s store. She had put a dress on standby for months but she needed the other’s approval before she bought it. That was a laugh– It was really her approval they needed.

Gretchen attempted to zip her into the garment, the fabric unrelenting and pinching her ribs and wrapped right around her hips. She had picked the blush pink dress because it complimented her skin tone and showed off her long legs. But it was much too short as it stood. 

“It’s not that hard,” Regina sucked in all she could.

“I think you need a bigger one,” Karen chirped, “Ma’am, do you have this in the next size up?”

Regina snapped her gaze to the clerk, her face hot. She knew the answer before the waif of a woman spoke, “we only carry sizes one, three and five,” and looked Regina up and down, “you could try Sears.”

Bitch.

Regina projected her fury to Cady, “all I've been eating are these kalteen bars. They suck.”

“No no no,” she soothed, “it’s just water weight…”

Water weight. She’d heard that one before. Cady had barrelled into a lengthy explanation and snapped her fingers, but Regina was seething. She needed to step out of that dress before she ripped it off of her body.

Regina fled into the changeroom. She tugged the zipper and the dress yeilded completely, pooling at her feet. She stood in her underwear, the exposed fluorescent bulb highlighting her flesh.

The girl in the mirror was not the same girl who started junior year in the Summer. This one was puffy and soft and sensitive. Water weight my ass. Regina wanted to shove that kalteen bar up Cady’s— but she needed to stick it out. Just a little longer and she’ll be thinner than when she started. 

Regina left the store with her dress in hand. She was going to fit into it. And I’ll still win Spring Fling Queen. She just wished Gretchen and the others would stop giving her sympathetic looks all the time. Not when they didn’t hold a candle to her. 

Gretchen yammered on about European sizing but Regina ignored her. The residual embarrassment still weighing in her gut. From the corner of her eye she spotted a lanky guy with mussed hair running on the opposite side of the second floor. Behind him, a smaller version of himself, the same jet black hair and pale complexion. Regina blinked, craning her neck. Was that…?

“Hey, I promised mum I’d pick up Kylie from dance,” she said, reaching for Gretchen in a side hug, “I’ll see you guys later.” Once she said her goodbyes with the others, she hurried for the escalators on the other side but by the time she got to the second floor the boys were gone.

~

Even at home, as she lay in bed, Regina wondered what the hell she would have said if that was indeed who she thought it was. A confrontation was the last thing she needed. Her nerves were raw and she felt utterly alone.

Cellphone in had, Regina manoeuvred to the bottom of her contacts list, selecting a name she promised she wouldn’t call upon unless she was in dire need for a warm body. So here she was. 

Within the hour, and yes, it had been an hour before Shane Oman rocked up at Regina’s front door, she was under the hottest (and heaviest) body Evanston had to offer.

Shane’s kisses were open and wet, raking down her chin, her jaw, her neck. She moaned when she was supposed to and responded with her own slobbering kisses. 

And that’s the end of foreplay, Shane thrust inside her. He was thicker than Aaron, but clumsy. 

“Regina,” he huffed, “you’re so fucking tight.”

“Lube,” she cringed.

Shane pulled away for a moment and spat a long string of saliva that landed on her mound. He rubbed her clit with two motions and continued grinding into her. His movements were deep and rushed and slipped out every few pumps. Then he pressed much lower than was intended.

“Hey,” Regina snapped. “Absolutely not.”

“Oh come on,” he whined, still pressing his knob into her rim. “Everyone does it.”

“No they don’t.”

“Come on, please, Regina, it’s gonna feel so good.”

Regina grabbed his cock in her hand, shoved it higher, then grabbed Shane by his firm ass cheeks and pressed him into her at the rhythm she preferred. She buried his length inside her, rubbing herself against him. 

“Yeah, take charge,” he breathed against her cheek. “Yeah, yeah,” Shane grunted with every thrust.

“Shut up.”

Regina was sweating now, trying and failing to get some relief. She pushed him off then swung her legs together. In one movement, she kneed him in the hips, causing him to roll over and she nestled herself on top.

“Yeah, baby,” his own face pink and hairline damp.

Regina smothered his face with her hand, “shhh.” She ground her pelvis against his hips. He was so deep it made her toes curl. At least he had that going for him. “Just shh.”

She rocked into Shane, pleasure building in her core faster than she anticipated. It felt unearned. Not when someone else took their time going down on her, feeling and exploring her body. Making her feel good, beautiful, worthy of worship. Regina wished he was that someone else. 

When that someone else would tease her for the sake of fun and pleasure. Would work her nerves relentlessly to get her to climax in a gym or garage or roof.

I know he doesn’t make you cum like I do. 

Regina wished for boney hips and cheap cologne and tangy hair product. She wanted leather and sweat and eyeliner. Calloused hands and brown eyes. 

That’s why you come back to me again and again.

Regina wished she was anywhere but here. 

You were never just sex to me.

Pleasure rolled through her core, “argh, R-Rod,” she cried, pressing harder, deeper, “Rodrick fuck!”

Regina rode her pleasure just as Shane came inside her, sputtering and confused. He pushed her off and was on his feet as Regina collapsed into her comforter, spent.

Her mind was foggy, a smile playing on her lips.

“What the fuck was that?”

“What?” Oh– Shit. 

Force of habit.

She lifted her head to Shane. He had ripped off the used condom and chucked it into the bin beneath her vanity and was now pulling on his pants.

“Don’t play dumb. Who the fuck’s Rodrick? That emo kid who smokes behind the oval?”

“No idea,” Regina threw on a pair of trackpants and a sweatshirt. “Honestly, Shane, you should figure out your shit if you’re thinking of random guys after having sex with a girl.”

“I know what I fucking heard,” he gritted. “Whatever. I’ll see you at school.”

Whatever, Regina mouthed, following Shane out of her house. She’d gotten what she wanted out of him. And he came too! What else did he want? A medal? I did all the work.

Regina turned on her heel for the kitchen as her stomach growled. She approached the marble island, a bowl of donuts caught her eye. But before she could take a bite, the phone rang.

Her mum’s twinkling voice called from the next room, ”It’s for you, girlie.” Regina plucked the phone beside the fridge, pressing it between her ear and shoulder, “hello?”

”Hey, it’s me, Cady,” her voice was mixture of husk and tin, “sorry for calling so late…”

Regina groaned inwardly, taking a healthy bite of a chocolate glazed donut. She was already making plans to call Karen to decompress, maybe they could drive to Tacobell and let off some steam. “I’m about to go to bed, what is it?” 

Chapter Text

School blurred past. One class here then the next Rodrick would find himself smoking his brains away behind the soccer pitch. No band practice. No van. No Regina. He crouched against a deep-set oak tree, fumbling through his backpack, pushing aside crumpled pages and pamphlets the school's career counselor had thrust onto him. Each a triple or quadruple folded brochure selling the state of the art music programs across the state and country. He huffed, ripping out the stack of glossy cards and thumbed through the thick pages, a testament to the schools’ investment in their own echelon.

In what world? Rodrick found the beat-up pack of cigarettes, at the bottom of his bag and pulled out a fresh dart. He was resolute on throwing the stack of pamphlets into the trash when he got home. 

Rodrick continued to mope at home, sleeping into the afternoon on Saturday. 

“RODRICK!”

He rolled to the side, burying his sleep crusted eyes into the pillow. 

“Rodrick?” his mum’s voice was near. She stepped closer, her gentle hand on his bare shoulder. “How are you still asleep? It’s three in the afternoon!”

Rodrick groaned, turning to face her. “What’s the point?”

“The point?” she sputtered. “We’re hosting my editor tonight. Did you forget?”

He glanced at his alarm clock. It glared back at him. Oh shit.

Rodrick seated himself, startling his mum back. She wore a casual t-shirt and jeans, still in slippers.

“It’s Saturday?”

She stared back.

“I’m ungrounded!?”

“Well…Yes…”

He didn’t need to hear anymore. Rodrick threw back the blanket and reached for his jeans. 

“I have to call the guys…” he bounced on one foot then the other.

“Just a minute!” Sue snapped. Rodrick paused, his pants at his calves and lost balance, falling against the edge of the mattress. “You have to be here for dinner.”

“Do I have to?” it came out much whinier than he intended. 

“Yes!”

“But–”

“Shower, dress and set the table,” she spoke with her hands on her hips, “just because you’re ungrounded doesn’t mean you’re cut loose from your responsibilities.”

Rodrick knew better than to challenge his mum on that note. He was always on thin ice with his parents, but something about her tone jostled him. It felt final.

“Fine,” he sighed, stepping out of his jeans. “But after?” God, he was pushing it.

“We’ll talk after.”

Rodrick yanked a towel off the floor and swung it over his shoulder. So be it. He got ready for dinner and by the time he arrived downstairs, the table was set. Being late was all part of the plan. He had no intention of actually helping out. 

Dinner was an utter snooze fest. It was two-hours of small talk between Sue and her editor, a stoic woman with silver hair chopped in a brutal no-fuss style. Rodrick couldn’t quite remember her name. It was one of those silly hyphenated Southern type names like Mary-Anne or Lou or Clare. Beside Mary-whatever sat her frumpy husband, who was much too enthusiastic about the potato bake and peas. 

Conversation soon devolved into his mum boasting about her sons. Even Greg perked up at the acknowledgement that his and Rodrick’s brotherly bond had improved significantly over the last couple of months. 

Rodrick’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He checked the screen beneath the table. 

Rager @ cadys

Then, U hv 2 get here

Rodrick looked up then and Sue was already staring him down, her eyebrows pinched as if to say, Not now.

He mouthed back, SORRY.

Rodrick assessed that everyone had finished their meals, besides Frumps, who was helping himself to another portion of over baked vegetables. Rodrick stood, perhaps too abruptly and began to collect everyone’s dishes, stacking them neatly on top of his own and bundled up dirty cutlery in his hand.

“Good on you,” his dad smiled but his mum narrowed her eyes on him.

“Uh … Can I talk to you in the kitchen, mum?” 

As he took the plates into the kitchen, Sue excused herself from the table and followed close behind.

Her arms were crossed. “Alright, what do you want?”

“There’s a party tonight… ”

“No.”

His pocket buzzed again. Then again.

“But I stayed for dinner, that’s all you wanted, right?”

Sue sighed deeply.

“... You said I could go after.” He held out his hand, palm up, “I’m not grounded anymore, aren’t I?”

His mum sighed, “fine. Yes. Keys are in my purse. Don’t stay out late.”

Rodrick beamed. His cheek muscles felt tight. Had he not smiled that whole week?

~

Rodrick checked the address Ollie sent him but he needed only follow the sound of rowdy teenagers to find Cady’s house as he rounded the corner to her block. There were hordes of people spilling from the house as he approached the culdesac. He didn’t recognise a single face as he trudged along the lawn.

Maybe this isn’t the right… just then, Aaron rushed out the front door. He flicked vomit off of his neatly pressed shirt, grimacing as a very drunk Cady stumbled out, calling out to him.

Rodrick stifled a laugh as he pushed through the threshold. Suck it, he thought.

Inside was no better. The heat slapped him in the face and the smell of spilt beer absorbed into the runner along the corridor invaded his nostrils. Ollie hadn’t lied, it was raging. As Rodrick pushed through, he noted some juniors and seniors from Evanston but the vast majority were strangers. 

A familiar face cut through the stream, “hey!” Gretchen wobbled over to him, latching onto his arm. She was utterly wasted, hanging off of Rodrick for balance.

“You okay?”

“Oh my God,” her eyes were wide and hungry, “youu,” she grinned and stabbed a manicured finger into his chest, “I know who youuu’re looking for.”

“What?”

“I saw her…” Gretchen turned her gaze about the room, leaning into Rodrick’s chest. She was like a furnace. “She’s around here somewhere…” 

“Who is?” Rodrick took a hold of Gretchen, “you look like you’re about to be sick. Where’s the toilet?”

“I remember,” she mumbled and pulled Rodrick by the hand. Gretchen led him through the party and into a guest bathroom on the ground floor. She shouldered the door then slid on a beige shower mat before collapsing in front of the toilet. 

Rodrick opted to grab a hold of Gretchen’s head before her face planted into the toilet seat. 

“Watch out,” he crouched beside her. “Where are your friends?”

“Yess,” she hissed, her breath reeked of alcohol, “I saw her.”

“I need a little more than that.”

“Reginaaa,” she stared up at him, then burped, “‘scuse me.”

“Regina?” What the hell was she on?

“I know your secret,” she sang, still slurring egregiously. Gretchen moved onto her knees, eye level with Rodrick and grabbed him by the cheeks, “I know. About you two.” 

Rodrick’s stomach twisted as Gretchen pinched his face. 

“There’s nothing going on,” he said quickly.

Gretchen’s fingers gripped the loose hairs by his ears. It was a tender feeling that made his heart race. He’d almost lent into the softeness…

That’s enough of that.

“Will you be okay if I go?” Rodrick peeled her hands away, ready to stand, but she grabbed him by the belt. 

“Wait, wait. I have something,” she dragged him back down. “You do music. I wrote Jace this poem…”

Indeed I do music.

Gretchen pulled down her top, far too aggressively. Her hands were rough and clumsy as she shoved one into her bra. Was the poem tattooed to her tit?

“Stop stop,” Rodrick pulled up the sleeve of her top, “I need to go. Sorry.” He made to get up before he spied a nipple. 

Rodrick heard a deep voice from outside, I just need to take a leak, as the door swung open. Shane Oman filled the frame, frozen as he took in the sight. 

“Hurry up,” a high pitched voice cut through the moment, “this party blows.”

Regina. Rodrick rushed to his feet, shoving past Shane.

“Reg!” Rodrick scrambled out. 

Regina watched him as her face fell. All he could do was watch her too. Regina stood in the corridor, her hair up and twisted out of her face, lips pouty and arms crossed over her champagne puffer. There was a crease ingrained deep between her brows. She looked … Awful.

Gretchen stumbled out behind him, her hands falling on Rodrick’s shirt. She lost balance and fell against the door frame, still clutching the fabric. 

“Regina, hey!” she slurred.

“What the fuck, Heffley,” Regina gritted. 

He looked down at Gretchen’s display, her top off her shoulder revealing a white padded bra and her makeup smudged. 

“That’s not– She was sick,” he said quickly, “I was looking for you.”

Regina stared beyond Rodrick, “hurry up or I’ll leave without you.”

“Fine fine,” Shane huffed, zipping his pants back up, “I’ll go at yours.”

The pair cleaved the crowd, with Regina at the helm, she sliced the current in two. 

“That’s Rodrick, isn’t it?” Shane pointed behind him. 

“Shut up,” Regina barked as her blonde halo disappeared out the front door. 

“She’s on a rampage,” Gretchen squeaked.

Rodrick had forgotten all about the girl still clutching him. He turned to Gretchen as she burped again, covering her mouth, her laugh twinkling through, “‘scuse me.”

“I need to go.” 

Rodrick made it for the door as an arm broke his path.

“Dude you made it!” Ollie was red. From his blushing cheeks and smoke-filled eyes. 

“I’m going. This was a mistake.”

“Nah, just stay, dude,” Ollie sloshed his beer, soaking Rodrick’s sneakers. 

“Nah, I’m out,” he patted his friend on the back, “you better come over tomorrow for practice.”

~

The Heffley residence was in stark contrast to Cady's house that burst at the seams with teenagers and loud music. Rodrick gave the facade a once over before entering, noting that it was too quiet. Had dinner finished already?

Inside, his parents stood in the living room bearing down on Greg. Rodrick’s little brother peaked over from the couch, his eyes wide and on the brink of tears. The editor and her husband were long gone.

“You’re early,” Sue started, “how was the party?” But her voice was hollow.

Rodrick shrugged, making his way to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. He eyed his parents, with their hands crossed and wearing matching scowls. Behind them the television glowed with an image of teenagers holding red solo cups with white reflections from the camera flash. Amongst the group stood Rodrick, pouring beer into a tower of plastic cups. He spat his water– Shit.

Frank was the first to speak, “is that you?”

“... That’s not me.”

“That’s not you?”

“Nope.”

“Okay,” his dad nodded, then pressed a button on the camera, “what about these?” 

It was one photo after another. Each as bad as the last. Crowds of teenagers drinking, smoking and making out. There were so many of Rodrick hugging his friends or making faces at the camera. The final picture was of Greg and his friend grinning like idiots in front of a colourful display of fireworks in – undeniably – their backyard.

“I was going to show David photos of my Civil War reenactment and I found these! Don’t deny it, Greg’s come clean.” Frank’s face was red and contorted unattractively, finger accusing, “I can’t believe you had a party–”

Rodrick rounded to the couch as his brother ducked behind the couch cushion, melting into the fabric. “I can’t believe you told them!”

“Just mum– but it slipped out– Rodrick, I really didn’t mean to tell her,” Greg squirmed.

“Why were you taking pictures!?”

“Wait, Susan,” Frank turned his attention to his wife, “you knew about this?”

His mum was stunned for a moment, before realising she’d been caught out. “Yes. I knew,” she whispered. 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? We’re supposed to be a team against them!” he pointed to the boys.

“I let it slide, and I am so sorry. Oh God, it feels good to get that out. I haven’t been able to look at that bathroom door for two months!” she pointed to the upstairs. The relief was palpable on her features.

“I KNEW THAT BATHROOM DOOR HAD A LOCK ON IT!” Frank’s face grew bright red, his features stretched in a painful grimace, “and everybody tried to make me feel like I was losing my mind!”

“I’m sorry– I’m sorry Rodrick,” cried Greg.

“Just go to your rooms,” Frank buried his face into his hand, “we’ll deal with you two later.”

Later was about five minutes of Rodrick listening to his parents argue, then another twenty minutes of loud talking, and finally chatter that wrapped up with, “come down boys!”

Rodrick and Greg shuffled down the stairs, meeting their parents on the landing. They were calm, collected, like a brick wall. There was no getting out of this now. The evidence was plain and their resolve was unshakeable.

“Your father and I have talked and we have decided on your punishment,” Sue began.

“Greg, you are grounded for two weeks. Also, no videogames,” Frank continued.

Sue sighed before speaking, “Rodrick, you can only drive the van to and from school for a month. And as the ringleader, you are also grounded for a month.”

A month? Damage control. Damage control. “Mum, I’m sorry and I won’t do it again.” 

This can’t be happening again. What shit luck. I’m going to kill–

“I know you won’t,” his mum said quietly, “and to make sure, we are also not allowing you to perform for the battle of the bands.”

“What? No, you can’t do that.” Static filled Rodrick’s ears like a frequency from an idle electric guitar. It pressed in from every angle. This isn’t fair. It’s not fair. He felt like he was going to throw up. Or cry. Or both. “You can ground me for a year, I don’t care, but you have to let me play in that show,” he pleaded, “this could be my big break.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

Rodrick turned, “dad, come on, this isn’t fair. I just got ungrounded.”

“That’s not really helping your case, Rodrick,” Frank grumbled. “It’s always one thing after another. There are consequences when you break rules.” He pulled out a flyer from his pocket with an image of young men and women in buzz-cuts and salutes, “if you can’t fly straight, then we’ll have to resort to this.”

“This is a joke right? Military school? Mum?”

“It’s a preliminary Summer program,” Sue corrected. “You have a chance to turn this around.”

Rodrick blinked away the sting in his eyes and gripped his middle. Yep, he was about to do both.

“Our decision is final.”

He practically saw the bold lettering crunching down on the horizon: Game Over. If before he had a chance to claw his way back into normalcy, to cling to one thing that made school life bearable. And it was all taken away. Rodrick had nearly forgotten about the party. He’d nearly gotten away with it if hadn’t been for…

Greg turned on his heel first, but Rodrick cut him off on the steps, “you know, you’re my brother but you’re not my friend.”

~

Monday couldn’t have come sooner. Rodrick was just excited to be out of the house. He’d kept his distance from his parents for the sake of not making another misstep. 

But even the normalcy of Evanston High did not last. By second period the school devolved into utter chaos.

Once the bell had rung, Rodrick was the last to shoulder out of English. Students stalled in the doorway as they bent down to pick something off of the floor. Outside, flyers filled the corridor like confetti, strewn all over the floor and flapping as students waved and kicked them about.

Rodrick peeled a page off the floor too. It was a crooked scan of a journal, or a diary, with a candid year book picture of Ms. Norbury before a blackboard with a few students grinning behind her. Beneath that, in scratchy block letters read, Ms NORBERY IS A PUSHER. A SAD OLD DRUG PUSHER. It was startlingly familiar. Was this …? He plucked another sheet, then another. Each page was worse than the last. Most were about girls in his year. Slut. Fat Virgin. Fat ass. Whore. Dyke. Until he came across one that read, Marylin Manson WORSHIPER. Skips class to smoke at the cemetery ~ Van smells like weed, alongside a few juvenile doodles and at the centre was Rodrick’s school picture. 

“Jesus, fuck,” Rodrick looked up then. Students were in lock with one another, wrestling each other to the ground, “you told people!?” “No way!” “That’s not true!” Some kids cowered against the wall of lockers as groups circled them, “You bitch!” Others threw fists and swung their school bags at one another. 

At the back of the hallway, beyond the raucous of students, stood Regina, backlit by the fluorescent ceiling lights. She had a hand on her cocked hip, a smile quirked on her face. 

Rodrick mouthed, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? 

Regina shrugged.

There was a crack. Water burst from the ceiling, showering the students followed by the piercing ringing of the fire alarm.

“All junior girls report to the school hall immediately,” a distant shout echoed through the building, “IMMEDIATELY.”

There was no returning from this. His life was over. 

Chapter Text

The mess of Monday continued through the morning. Mr Duvall, along with a handful of teachers, personally saw to handling the Junior girls in the auditorium for something like a detention. Some sort of empathy workshop or some bullshit. It was a strange way to handle it when there were so many students affected, not just the female students but a number of teachers. Serious allegations that could ruin their careers. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the school had to go to class as usual. Students were informed that a phone call was going out to all parents regarding the incident and more than half of the student body was taken home by worried parents and caregivers. By third period, Rodrick counted less than a dozen peers still in class. 

Rodrick bared down at the back of the room and focused on the work in front of him. Anything to take his mind off of going home. 

I could run away.

The van was parked in the school lot. The keys were in his backpack.

That’s pathetic.

Not pathetic, it was self preservation. Rodrick’s gut was heavy as he diligently copied down what the teacher scrawled on the blackboard.

An office lady appeared at the doorway, giving a little cough. The teacher paused mid equation and nodded for her to continue. She adjusted her horn rimmed glasses and read from a yellow slip of paper, “can I please have Glenn Coco, James Falon, Tyson Fennell and Rodrick Heffley sign out in the Office. Your parents are here to pick you up.”

There goes my escape.

Without a word between them, Rodrick surrendered the van keys to his mum while his dad drove him home in silence. The knot in his belly coiled tighter.

“You know this has nothing to do with me, right?” Rodrick prodded. “That book was written by some stupid girls trying to make everyone’s life miserable.”

Frank sighed, slowing at a yellow light. It was a long drive home.

The sun naturally waxed longer, ushering Spring. But there was still an air of delight being home in the afternoon while it was still light outside. Rodrick ejected himself from the car quickly and ran inside. He bolted up the stairs to the attic ready to snuff out any evidence that could lead to more punishment. 

Except his room had already been ransacked. 

Rodrick trudged down the stairs to meet his parents in the living room. The look on his mum’s face was graver than he ever saw her, while his dad looked like he was one quip away from a nervous meltdown.

“Have a seat,” his dad instructed.

Rodrick fell back onto the couch thinking what he’d give to wake up from this bad dream. 

“Explain yourself,” Sue held a tiny clear ziplock bag between her fingers.

“That’s not mine.”

Frank shook his head, “stop lying!”

“Rodrick,” his mum started, “tell the truth.”

“Is this some kind of intervention?” Rodrick blurted. “Is Jerry Springer going to jump out?”

Sue shook her head, “I’m really disappointed in you, Rodrick.”

He collapsed forward, Rodrick’s heavy head weighed between his knees. Ah the crying and throwing up is right on cue. He took long breaths as stars filled his brain. His parents’ might have been speaking to him but Rodrick wasn’t on the couch at that moment. Instead, he was on his first day of Junior year.

It was Greg’s first day of Middle school too. Rodrick tried to impart as much wisdom as he could onto the little wimp. School was hard, but only if you made it so. If you didn’t try then it was a breeze. Where to sit. Who to talk to. What toilets to use. Rodrick had been around the block and knew more. 

Summer was slow to leave and he had sweated through his shirt. He’d sat in first period English behind a posse of glossy girls. Their leader, a blonde girl dripping with sharp confidence and a glare that even startled teachers. She turned to him with her cold blue eyes, “what are you staring at, skeez?”

Rodrick stuttered something articulate like, “oh– uh…”

But what he really meant to say was, “I want you to ruin my life and rip out my dignity from the root.”

The next month, he spared glances at her in the hallways and in class. He listened intently when she gave her book reports. And he’d nod hello when he was especially confident. Rodrick had even begged Roni to be her plus one to Chris’ Halloween party. He knew he’d owe her sooner or later and he was always good on his word.

Rodrick was set on having a cone in the bathroom to bolster some confidence before finding Regina. But she found him. Dumb luck had plenty to do with it. But it was the chance he needed. To steal a quiet moment with her outside school, away from her preppy friends. Whatever that form took. Rodrick wasn’t picky like that. 

And it had been worth it, hadn’t it? From that first night in the…

Bathroom tiles cut against his knees. He balanced on his own reflection in the ceramic floor. Rodrick couldn’t discern now, or even then, whether he had made a promise to a saint or made a deal with the devil. 

Rodrick’s fingertips buzzed, wrapped around his jeans. His brow was moist. His soul had returned to him once more and he could hear his parents again. They were at the end of their steam, calmer now. 

“You should have told us about these,” Sue flapped something between her fingers. 

Rodrick peaked up from his body curl and saw the stack of crumpled college pamphlets in his mum’s hands.

“Wh-where did you get those?”

“Greg found them in the bin this morning.”

Rodrick sighed, “it’s nothing. I can’t get into those anyway–”

It was his dad that spoke up, “this is the most interest you’ve ever had in school. Look, your mother and I discussed this and, even though it’s on the pricey end,” Sue shot him a look, “doesn’t matter. We are setting you straight. This school will set you straight. They have a gifted stream for the arts.”

“You’re shipping me to that school?” 

“It’s in Chicago,” his dad waved. 

“Honey,” his mum sat beside him, “it’s a fresh start. New school. New teachers. New friends.”

It hadn’t been a suggestion. It was a statement of fact. Rodrick was going to military school and they were going to do it whether he agreed or not. The least he could do was eat his punishment. 

His pocket buzzed again. Rodrick pulled out his phone and saw a stream of messages. He opened one from Ollie, Cady pushed Regina n front v a bus! 

“You’ll be staying with Meryl’s family,” his mum continued. “She’s expecting you Friday night.”

Rodrick fumbled his phone, typing haphazardly, R U kidding?

Then, Her neck went all the way round.

“Mum, I need to go to the hospital.”

“What?” 

“Regina— the girl? She got hit by a bus.”

Sue glanced at her husband then turned to Rodrick, taking his hand. “Wait until we hear more news. I’m sure I’ll get the call down the phone tree tonight. Otherwise, I’ll take you in the morning.”

“Don’t forget what we talked about,” his dad pointed, “you’re grounded from here on out until you graduate from CMS.”

Even if Rodrick was paying attention to what his parents were saying, there was nothing left. There was nothing lower than rock bottom. 

“Fine. Tomorrow.”

~

Regina sat in her cot. In a private hospital suit with apricot coloured walls. It was practically a hotel. Bouquets sat on every surface and propped against the furniture. Her parents sat in separate armchairs, having never left her side. There wasn’t much she could do on her own, trapped inside a metal brace that forced her upright and immobile.

Every time her mum would leave the room, she’d find Regina’s toes through the blanket and give them a little squeeze to which, by the fortieth time, Regina rolled her eyes and confirmed, “I can still feel that.” And June would smile, “I’ll get you something nice from the vending machine.” It was always a bag of prunes.

After breakfast and her doctor’s check-ups, Regina sat upright in her cot watching her dad sleep and her mum thumb through a magazine. 

June glanced from the pages, her foot bouncing. “How are you feeling this morning? Social?”

Regina tried to not to make a face. What a weird way to ask if I felt like being friendly. “Why?”

She heard a knock at the door and June’s eyes lit up. “Come in!”

June jumped at the sight of Rodrick and quickly wrapped her arms around his slender shoulders, “oh sweety, thank you for coming to see us.” He winced as she squeezed him tightly. “She’s been in and out,” then barely whispering, with her hand obscuring her mouth, “of a mood.”

“I’m right here,” Regina grumbled. 

June waved for her husband, “let’s get some coffee.”

As they rounded the threshold, June squealed behind the wall, “Susan!” Then a startled, “June!”

Regina would have rolled her eyes if it didn’t feel like she had razorblades lining her skull. Rodrick turned to her then, his t-shirt draped along his wiry frame and hair mussed. He stood a moment longer, brushing a hand through the back of his head. Her chest needled her, was that embarrassment? She waited for him to start while he clearly struggled for something to say.

“So many flowers… Are you…?” he began.

“I’m peachy,” she grumbled. “My neck’s broken. If the bus driver didn’t hit the brakes I’d be on the operating table. But, lucky me, I get three months in a back brace.”

“Jesus, Reg. So it’s true? You got pushed in front of a bus?”

She cackled, “that freak didn’t push me.” It felt good to laugh but she stilled and her body creaked from inertia, “is that what they’re all saying?”

He nodded, daring to come closer. 

“They all hate me,” Regina whispered. 

“What?”

She turned away. Well, as much as she could turn away. Her body was wrung out. Jelly yet stiff. Numb yet chronically aching. And the brace was a steel cage. 

Regina felt the warmth of Rodrick’s hand against her knuckles and shuddered at its gentleness. 

“Do you think I deserve this?” She linked her fingers with his.

“Maybe a little.”

Regina sniffled, masking a smile. “I’m sorry.” But her voice was stale. What wasn’t she sorry for? What did a word like that even mean when there was so much to mend. So much to unbreak.

Rodrick shook his head then reached for his backpack. “I made you something.” He handed her a CD. The cover had a scribble that resembled something of a girl wearing rabbit ears and fishnets. Rodrick rested his elbows on the bedding. He turned the case over to the back, a tracklist written in different coloured markers. “Loded Diper’s greatest hits,” he said, unable to hide his pride. “One’s about you. Mean Girl.” He pointed. “I wrote it after the first night we uh…”

“Mean Girl?” Regina scoffed. “I’m not mean.” 

“You take me for a fool, Regina, you’re so cruel. The devil learnt from you.”

“Hey, that’s catchy,” she snatched the disc. “I’ll get dad to bring my CD player.” Regina stared at the plastic cover. Her fingers traced the drawing. 

She noted to save it along with her collection of CD’s that Rodrick made over January. With every drive came a new setlist and cover drawing. Some were neater than others. Others were … Artistic.

Then it dawned on her. Why Rodrick came off so morose and dejected. “You were in the book weren’t you?” 

He nodded slowly.  

“I didn’t know. I promise I didn’t. Well, I might have started that rumour, but I didn’t write it. I was just so mad. I xeroxed the pages without checking. That was stupid.”

“My parents are sending me away,” he blurted. 

“What? No. Why?”

“I was already on thin ice,” he rested his chin on his palm, his big brown eyes boring into her. “They’re dumping me in Chicago. They hope the junior reserves will set me straight.” He made a face and wagged his free hand, “you need structure and responsibility.”

But Regina didn’t find it funny. Military school. The people he’d have to endure. The regiment. It was certainly not a joke. 

“Aren’t you mad? Or hate me?”

“I was. Holy shit, I was so mad. I wished I never met you,” he sighed, looking at her with his cavernous eyes. “I don’t hate you, though. I know that sounds weird. But I don’t. I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

“Rod, I’m so sorry.” What a useless word. She opened her mouth to say it again when Rodrick took her hand and pressed her knuckles to his lips. 

“I love you.” It was too quiet, like a ghost of a thought that she barely registered. “You don’t have to say it back.”

Regina waited for tears that didn’t come. She clamped her mouth shut because, what good would it do? He was leaving. And she had her reasons for breaking it off with him. Whatever they were. 

“Kiss me,” she finally said. 

Rodrick stood to meet her lips. He was warm and soft against her mouth. His fingertips rested on her temple as he kissed her. She catalogued his tangy hair product, leather bracelet and salt. He was all she ever wanted and she was too vain, too proud to choose him. 

Regina’s control over her life was an overworked muscle. Spasming from over use and lack of recovery. Overplayed. Over done. Even now, knowing she probably wouldn’t see Rodrick for a very long time. If ever. She couldn’t do him the service of just being honest. 

What could she say except, “I’m sorry I ruined your life and took what little dignity you had left by rejecting your love”? 

Instead, Regina returned the gentle kiss and hoped that it wasn’t the last time she’d pushed him away. No matter how cruel, or mean or deceitful she was. 

That, after all, Rodrick would still come back to her. 

Chapter Text

June fussed over Regina’s back brace, threading a garland of pink peonies over the metal gear. As if that was going to distract everyone from the garish cage she was in. It was a painful and physical reminder of the crummy year she had. 

It wasn’t all bad.

Everyone at school treated her especially kindly since the accident. The J.V. jocks carried her books between class and girls complimented Regina on her bedazzled brace. Like all had been forgiven since the day the Burn Book was released. Almost forgiven.

Regina had pivoted from her old clique. Opting to float between friend groups and clubs. She had to hand it to Ms. Norbury, the Junior girls had a complete social reset. Regina was still polite to Gretchen and Karen, they of course had done nothing wrong. In fact, on personal reflection, they only tried to help her the only way they knew how. But talking behind other people’s backs? That was old news. 

Cady still made Regina’s skin crawl but that would fade in time too. At least that was what her therapist had promised. Life always finds an equilibrium. Dr Jeanette Callaghan had a lot of wise quips like that, or Jenny, as she preferred. She seemed to get Regina in a way that most people just never could. She was certainly being paid enough by Regina’s father.

It had been Jenny that managed to coax out the deep rooted belief within Regina – it had never been about control, or lack of control. Regina realised, her face red and moist from another session of crying and tearing into the tissue box Jenny handed her. It was trust. 

“I don’t trust my mum to act like my mum when I need her,” Regina hiccoughed.

Jenny nodded, “but she was there for you when you were at your lowest.”

“I know, I know, I just…” she blew into a mangled tissue, “it’s hard for me to see her that way. Or for my dad to show up other than when I’m hospitalised. Or for my friends to not embarrass me. Or for my boyfriend to not rebound with my friends.”

“You don’t trust other people around you to support you?”

“Not how I want them to.”

Jenny watched Regina from her boxy armchair. The frail woman with her white hair combed back with wiry fly aways gave no indication other than a slight nod for Regina to continue. 

“I don’t know … I just want to believe that people will get to know me and still want to stick around.”  

“It’s not easy to put yourself out there, Regina,” Jenny made a note in her booklet. “Much less peel away our layers, show other people who we are, really, and hope they don’t run away screaming for the hills.”

Regina stared at the feet of Jenny’s armchair. Divotted into the carpet from decades of service.

“That was a joke,” Jenny eyed her. 

“I know,” Regina looked up. “I sort of had that.”

“Trust?”

Regina stared ahead. Had it been trust? Or dependency? Or something else? “There was this guy I was seeing…”

Jenny flicked through her notebook, “Shane?”

“No,” Regina stuttered, “um… There was a guy in between. Um. Rodrick.”

Jenny lent forward, her milky eyes peering over her spectacles. “Tell me about Rodrick.”

But where to even start? “He moved away. Because of me. I mean, he said he doesn’t blame me. But that’s what he’s like,” Regina shrugged. “What else? Talented drummer. Writes music but can’t spell for shit. Oddly astute. Speaks without thinking.”

“But you trusted Rodrick?”

Regina bobbed her head absently, staring at the carpet, “I knew no matter how awful I was to him that he’d stay the same. He saw my worst. When I was jealous. When I was spiteful. I guess that’s what I needed, maybe? To see how far I can push– Like I was testing him. Like how mean could I be before he told me I wasn’t worth it after all?”

“And why did Rodrick leave?”

Regina waved her hand, “it was out of his control. He’s in Chicago because he was in deep shit a month ago. But um… I think… I truly believe, if it was up to him, he wouldn’t have bowed out.”

Jenny pressed her glasses up the ridge of her nose with a knuckle. “What’s so funny?”

Regina caught herself grinning. She had a bubble rise in her chest and it surfaced with a giggle. “I just,” she exhaled, “oh my god, I really fucking love him.”

Regina smiled to herself in the mirror as her mum’s form stepped away. June had in fact done a beautiful job of decorating the brace. She clasped her hands, admiring her daughter. 

“You look beautiful sweetheart.”

Regina turned to her mum, “Can you take a picture? Just me. Before Shane gets here?”

Her mum obliged, taking a photo on Regina’s motorola. Regina took the phone back but she wasn’t ready to send it yet.

~

Regina stepped into the dimly lit school hall, arm in arm with Shane while her mum skipped behind, ready to take one last photo of the pair. The committee had done an amicable job disguising the bland wooden building with what seemed like a truck-worth of tinsel and disco lights. Regina had been pushing for a boat party in all of the meetings leading up to the accident. Go figure the committee decided to vote on the venue the week Regina was incapacitated. Just as well, the doctors discouraged her from going on water crafts while she was confined to the brace. 

“Regina!” A familiar squeal pinched Regina’s ears. Gretchen waddled up to her, sewn into a tight periwinkle dress. The burgundy sash did nothing for her complexion, but the cut was flattering. Her tan bare shoulders had a layer of body glitter that made her look ethereal.

“You look stunning,” Regina said. No ire. No syrup. She even sort of meant it. 

Gretchen smiled, never able to take a compliment well, “no! Look at you! That dress!”

Ah. The dress. 

Following her recent check-up, Regina’s doctor had noted that she had rapidly lost weight on account of her body mending itself. “I recommend getting it back up,” the doctor reached into her desk drawer and offered up two cellophane wrapped bars, “I have these in chocolate and strawberry.” Regina had nearly clawed the woman’s eyes out when she saw the kalteen bars. 

She would never again eat anything that she couldn’t read the label herself. 

“Oh my God,” Regina breathed. 

Behind Gretchen, a single figure moved towards her, rounding the edge of the hall between students dancing and talking and pouring themselves punch. He wasn’t the most underdressed Junior, with a black button down rolled up at the sleeves, black jeans and sneakers, but he was the only one that made it actually look good. He stopped short and waited, holding a bundle of florals.

Regina moved towards Rodrick, “sorry…” Up close his face was clean, no eyeliner and smelt of soap. 

Rodrick held up the miniature bouquet, “you’ve already got one…”

Regina ripped off the corsage on her wrist, it was semantics really, of course Shane bought her one for the dance, but she was sure he wouldn’t think twice about it. She shucked it towards the refreshments and presented her wrist.

Rodrick obliged by securing the flowers, a combination of roselets and single white orchid. 

“Thanks,” she played with the petals, then brought it to her face.

“I wasn’t sure what colour your–”

“Your hair,” she gasped.

Rodrick ran a hand through the crew cut. “It’ll grow back,” his cheeks reddened. 

“It’s not bad,” Regina reached to touch his scalp, pausing when she realised she was about to touch Rodrick Heffley in public. At the Spring Fling. 

Rodrick dipped his chin and made contact with her palm. “Feels fun huh?”

She nodded, but she wasn’t really listening. Regina was touching Rodrick again. He was real and standing in front of her. Not quite the same loser she remembered. But he never really was, was he? Rodrick stood taller with a new air she didn’t quite recognise.

Rodrick straightened himself up, staring only at her face, “you look beautiful, Reg.”

“I’m wearing a Spinal Halo.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

The music transitioned into a slower melody with smokey vocals. The students dancing in groups fractured into pairs, taking a hold of one another, hands placed on hips and forearms resting on shoulders. 

“I love this song,” she beamed, darting her eyes to the dance floor. 

“Are you sure you want to be seen dancing with me?”

“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

“Who are you and what have you done with Regina George?” Rodrick led her into the crowd.  

Regina laughed, “I don’t care anymore, I guess.” Rodrick nestled his palms above the steel bracers and on Regina’s waist, while she interlocked her fingers at the nape of his neck. 

“And your date?” He lent down to Regina, looking over her shoulder, “won’t he mind?”

She sighed, not prepared to have to explain to Rodrick that she had been booty calling her ex before the accident and managed to convince said booty call to accompany her to the dance. But it was purely platonic now. Regina couldn’t do anything in the gear. And Shane lost interest altogether. 

“It was just for the photos. He’s not really my date.”

Rodrick nodded, “so he won’t mind if I do this?” He took her hands, pulling them between their chests and then let go of one and gave Regina enough pressure to know she needed to step out. Rodrick held on to her fingers, grinning, and let Regina make a slow turn and recoil back into his arms. 

He held her close as they swayed along to an indie song with a lot of rhythm and bass guitar that made Regina think of cigar lounges. 

“I missed you,” she said. Her chest pinched as she looked up to Rodrick. 

“No, really, where is Regina?” He laughed, then finally, “me too.”

“Excuse me?” Mr Duvall’s voice rang through the chorus of the song, tapping on the mic with his bandaged hand. The DJ faded out the music and Mr Duvall continued, “can I have all Junior Spring Fling nominees up on stage, please. All Junior Spring Fling nominees on stage now.” He added, “please.”

Regina pulled away, her fingers catching Rodrick’s, unable to shake the warmth she felt from dancing with him. Just seeing him again. 

“Good luck,” he winked.  

After Shane Oman and Cady Heron were announced Spring Fling King and Queen, Regin B-lined for the dancefloor. She’d lost Rodrick in the crowd as a new song played. Not as good as the last one. Someone grabbed her hand, tugging her into a new orbit.

“Want to dance with the King?” Shane grinned, his massive plastic crown planted on his head. 

“I suppose,” Regina placed her hands on his shoulders, swaying awkwardly. She glanced around but everyone was shoulder to shoulder. Mr Duvall asked Ms Norbury for a dance nearby, the maths teacher gave him a sideways smile that teetered on flirty. It was always weird seeing teachers acting like … Normal people with … Feelings.

Shane bent his head, smacking into Regina’s head gear. It was only a jolt, the brace gave her enough support but threw her from her thoughts. He tried again, meaning to kiss her.

Rodrick appeared at her side, “can I have this dance?”

Relief prickled across Regina’s face and she shifted her hands over to Rodrick, but Shane gripped her hips tighter. 

“Song’s not over.” Shane shook his head.

“That’s not how this works,” Rodrick stared him down. He was only a couple of inches shorter but Shane was a behemoth compared to everyone. 

“Shane, ah, that hurts,” Regina cringed. 

Shane jerked back his hands, “sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Regina saw the fist forming at Rodrick’s side and the calculation running behind his eyes. But now that she was free she moved wholly into Rodrick, wrapping her arms around his neck and pushing him to the edge of the hall. 

“Are you okay?” he still eyed Shane, now standing alone and confused.

“Yeah, why?”

He gave her a small smile, realising what she did. 

Rodrick twirled them away. Twirling wasn’t quite it. They meandered away, slowly, gently, away from the larger crowd. The music was quieter by the tables.

“So … How have you been?”

Regina rolled her eyes, “aside from physio and therapy and recovering from a traumatic transport accident?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m good. Like actually good. And now…” she let herself fall into his gaze. His eyes were dark and crinkled at the corners. They were kind and eternal. “Now you’re back.”

“It’s just for a few hours,” he corrected. “I made some new friends at CMS and I convinced one of them to lend me their car.”

“You snuck out?” But she wasn’t at all surprised. “Back to your usual self then? Sticking it to the man?”

“Actually, not as much,” he sighed, “it’s different. They made me do a bunch of tests before I started classes and the school counselor said I had a high aptitude for the arts. I’m gifted.”

“Woah woah,” Regina laughed, “now you’re a nerd?”

“I didn’t say that,” he scrunched his nose. “Nah … It’s not at all like Evanston. No cliques. Everyone kind of has their own thing.”

“You really like it there.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.” He ushered Regina for another spin and she returned to his embrace, “I really like being here too. With you.”

“Rodrick, I…”

He dipped his chin towards her, his nose breath from hers. “Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t have to ask,” and let him press his lips to hers. It was like the last time, but warmer. A heat bloomed within herself so unlike the icy needle she felt in her chest when he kissed her in the hospital. Everything felt right. Like all that had happened before was meant to, and here she was, with him.

He pulled away, “what’s wrong?”

Regina dabbed away a tear with her finger knuckle, she’d spent hours on her makeup. “I’m so happy for you. I just …”

“You know I’ll come back again, right?”

She nodded, “I know.” 

Because he always came back.

They danced long into the night. Regina’s pain killers were beginning to wear off and she felt the strain on her back emerge. For a while there, she had forgotten about the brace. But all she could do was focus on Rodrick. Words she wanted to say prickling her tongue. But it wasn’t the time. The DJ played the final song and Regina let Rodrick hold her tight. It wasn’t over for them. 

“I have finals in a few weeks, but come down to Chicago. I’ll show you around.” 

The image of Rodrick studying made her waver for a moment, he’s totally a nerd now. But it was right, he was finally using his talents and wasn’t pinned down by the labels that Evanston tied him to. The labels she tied him to. 

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, you skeez,” she beamed.

Chapter Text

Regina lent against her silver Prius, eyeing the narrow townhouse. The sun beat down on her face, warming her skin. She shifted her sunglasses up on her head. Then pulled them down. Then chucked them into the passenger seat. 

Rodrick drove up before her last doctor’s visit but he hadn’t seen her out of her back brace since January. 

After a moment, the front door flew open and Rodrick barrelled out. She couldn’t help but run to him too. Rodrick wrapped his arms around her and she crushed him in hers as he swung her around, losing balance and toppled onto the little square of lawn. 

“Are you okay?” He pushed himself up, elbows framing her body.

“Shut up,” Regina grabbed his face and pressed him to her. He kissed her deeply, unafraid. 

After a moment, she murmured against his mouth, “alright, show me around.”

Rodrick got to his feet and pulled Regina to hers. “What do you want to see first? The river? The bean?”

“I was thinking your room?”

A wicked smile flashed across Rodrick’s face. “I share a room with my cousin, but he’s away fishing with some of the others.”

“And your aunt and uncle?”

“Working,” he grinned. 

The house was cozy, which was kind of Regina to think so, because it was actually haphazardly designed with numerous open shelves and nicknacks layered on top of each other and not a single piece of furniture matched. Rodrick didn’t let go of Regina’s hand, leading her upstairs and into a small room at the end of the hallway. 

“This is not your room,” she eyed the two twin beds, the duvets perfectly tucked and a desk under the window only had a stack of textbooks and a jar of pens. It was a far cry away from the mess she remembered witnessing a year ago. 

“Well I obviously expected you over,” he rubbed his neck. 

“You expected me in your room?” Regina took a seat on one of the beds. 

“Well I– Sure, I mean …” Rodrick let his voice trail off. And after a moment’s hesitation, he took hold of Regina by the hips, pushing her down into a kiss. She tangled her fingers into his hair, now grown out enough for her grip. Rodrick pulled her close, guiding her legs and she wrapped those around him too. 

“Hold tight,” he grunted, and lifted her off the bed, turned and walked over to the other, plonking her down. “This is mine,” he breathed, dragging his lips down her jaw, her neck. She knew he meant it was his bed, but hearing him say mine sent a tingle through her nervous system. Because she totally was…

Regina peeled off her tank top then tugged at Rodrick’s shirt. He practically tore it off his body and threw it aside. He came up onto the bed between Regina’s legs and kissed her down from her ear to her clavicle. He massaged her breast with one hand as he held himself up above her. 

“I missed these, holy shit,” he sucked on the plump skin on her chest. Regina unhooked her bra with one hand and Rodrick went savage over her tits. He kissed, licked and sucked, ravaging her with a new fire. She burnt from the inside, wanting him closer. Wanting so much more.

Regina had been dreaming of this since Spring Fling. She’d gone home alone that night with a ferver, still feeling Rodrick’s hands on her waist, his lips on hers. She was so elated and hot and desperate, had it not been for the back brace she would have dragged Rodrick back to her place and had her way with him. Instead, she plucked out her pink dildo, the one she associated with only him, and used it until her nerves ran raw.

Regina brought her knees together and knocked Rodrick against his hips, pushing him over. As he rolled onto his back, Regina climbed on top. 

Her nimble fingers unclasped his belt and he shifted his weight so she could pull it free, then went to work unzipping his jeans. 

Rodrick sat up on his elbows to watch Regina as she pulled back his underwear. 

“Always ready,” she grinned. 

He meant to retort, but Regina took him into her mouth and, instead, he choked on his words, lips parted. 

She sucked his length, rubbing his shaft with her hand and watched his eyes scrunch as nonsensical words slipped from his lips. She kissed the tip of his knob, then licked down its length, watching it jerk from her touch. 

“God, Reg,” he squirmed, “you’re so good.”

She warmed from his words, doubling her efforts. How she missed him. 

He took her by the chin, ushering her back onto the bed. Regina straddled his hips, her skirt and panties long gone. 

“Are you ready?” She hovered over his tip, made smooth by her spit and the slick between her legs. 

“Yes,” he said, “please.”

Regina lowered herself onto Rodrick. It was painful for only a moment. She sat on his boney hips, looking down on him. She raised herself then lowered again, then again. His face was contorted, his breaths shallow. 

“Reg… Oh my God, wait,” he whined. 

“Condom,” she agreed. They both reached for their clothes. Regina pinched a wrapper between her fingers and Rodrick held one too. 

“Oh you so want me,” he grinned. 

“Shut up, you know I do.” Regina tore into the foil and rolled the condom onto Rodrick’s weeping cock. She resumed her position with a greater force, rocking into him harder. 

Regina did want him. She’d wanted him for so long. To be this close. To have him all around her and inside. To have Rodrick against her naked body, begging to be hers and never to be apart for stupid reasons again. He’d styled his hair with the same tangy hair product, of that she was sure. It made her breathless. He was all she ever wanted and here he was. She buried her face in his neck, nuzzling and kissing him in the sensitive spot between his shoulder and throat. With every thrust he grunted, breathing harder. It sent a white shock of heat through her whole body, down to her toes. 

“Rod, Rod, Rod,” she whimpered, her movements erratic. Rodrick grabbed her ass, helping her grind out her climax. “Fuck…” she cried out beside his ear. Her lips brushed against his skin, something like kisses.

Rodrick flipped Regina onto her back, still between her legs. Just as he’d done all those months ago, he pressed one of her legs up to her chest and reentered. 

~

Regina’s cunt was so tight it made Rodrick’s balls throb. He pushed into her as she moaned, her voice peeking with his movements. 

She was so perfect. Her skin glistened beneath him and her cheeks were flushed. Regina had always been beautiful. In every form. In every way. But this was maybe his favourite. Undone and wanting more. More of him and what he had to offer.

Regina reached for his face and he bent down to let her kiss him. He couldn’t concentrate on more than not coming. And she was making it so hard to last. 

She deepened the kiss, her tongue caressing his. His pleasure grew as she bit his lower lip, moaning back against his mouth.

“I won’t–” he grunted out, unable to make the words form. “I’m going to–”

“I love you,” she murmured and that undid him. Rodrick came in a painful shudder, buried inside Regina’s cunt. It wasn’t just a release, but a relief. Her words cleaving him down the middle and he collapsed beside her. His arm across her chest and nose by her shoulder. 

“I love you, I love you,” she whispered into his hair. 

Rodrick didn’t move. Couldn’t move. 

Maybe I died? Is this Heaven?

“Rodrick?”

He kissed Regina’s shoulder. Nope, still alive. And God, was he grateful. 

“Reg,” he breathed, “how– how was that?”

“Unbelievable.” 

“Really? It was good?”

Rodrick could feel Regina roll her eyes but he wanted the validation anyway. “Yes, Rodrick, you’re a good lay.”

Rodrick peeled himself off and found a towel hanging behind the door. He offered it to Regina, still lying in his bed. Naked. Pink. And perfect.

“This isn’t yours, is it?”

“Nope.”

She cleaned herself up with it anyway and he did the same.

Rodrick crawled back into the bed, too narrow to share but they made it work. With Regina’s vanilla shampoo in his nose, he pressed a kiss into her hair. He’d done it. Rodrick had won over the girl and there was no way he was going to let her go. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too.” 

Rodrick could tell she was smiling in his arms.

“Alright.” Regina craned her neck to look at him, “take me to the bean.”