Chapter Text
The fact I woke up wearing pajamas, really that I was wearing anything at all, was my first clue something was wrong.
As I rubbed the sleep away from my eyes, head pounding, I also realized immediately that the bedroom I was in wasn't my own.
“What the hell?” I murmured, throwing the sheets off, and frowning as I saw what I was wearing.
Blue pajamas. That would've been weird enough on its own, but they also were covered in images of Pikachu.
Now, I couldn't remember ever not being a fan of Pokemon. I'd grown up with the anime, and the Gameboy games. To say nothing of how much Pokemon Go I’d played back in college.
I even had an entire shelf of the Megabloks sets, and was looking forward to Lego having the license.
But I'd never in my adult life owned a set of Pokemon themed pajamas- Let alone one with arguably the most overrated Pokemon.
As I looked around the room, it seemed…weirdly familiar, and my eye went to the television. For some reason, it was on, but muted.
And it was showing a commercial. Featuring…
I blinked and had to rub my eyes again, before looking back at the screen, which was showing what was unmistakably a Gengar. Then a Nidorano.
But they weren't just animated sprites, or 3D models. Something inexplicable about them told me instantly they weren't just CGI either.
I turned on the sound just in time to hear the words “-DNA splicers on them, and watch transfixed as the magic happens!”
I couldn't help but tilt my head in confusion at the strange fever dream I’d suddenly found myself in. The two Pokemon were drawn towards each other, then in a flash of light, merged.
The resulting creature looked mostly like a darker purple Nidorano, but had red eyes that were unmistakably Gengar's, and that same wicked smile as the original ghost Pokemon too.
I barely even noticed the last part of the ad, about how this “fused” Pokemon would apparently be able to learn moves from either half.
I could only sit down heavily on the bed as I tried to process my situation. Something fell from between the sheets, but I didn't bother picking it up.
I pinched myself, but was only somewhat unsurprised when it didn't do anything to wake me up.
“Okay, so… clearly I'm…somehow in the Pokemon world. But one with those weird…fusions.
“I've seen the Pokemon fusion generator before, but that was ages ago with just gen 1 Pokemon. And now I'm in a world where that just casually happens?”
I looked down at myself, and frowned slightly.
While I did feel and look… younger somehow, I clearly wasn't a child. Glancing at my reflection in the television screen- which had somehow powered itself off- I still looked mostly like myself.
Black hair, brown eyes, lightly tanned skin… but the reflection wasn't the guy about to turn 30 I expected to see; instead I figured I looked at least 16, maybe 15 at the lowest.
A far cry from the unaccompanied 10 year olds normally embarking on a Pokemon journey.
Unless I already started one? I considered.
I got up and walked over to the computer, which thankfully was already open, and did not seem to need a password.
As I reached for it, my hand was stopped short of the screen by something. I jumped back in shock as a menu appeared, floating in midair.
“What the fuck?” I whispered as I looked between the three familiar options.
*Turn off. Mailbox. Item storage.*
“... What is this, Sword Art Online meets Pokemon?”
I tried reaching for the laptop itself, but the weird barrier and floating boxes kept preventing me from doing so.
Finally, I reached out and tentatively hit the “Item Storage” option. My fingers passed through it, but there was a sort of faint tingling as they did, and the box disappeared, replaced with another a moment later.
*Withdraw, Deposit, Toss, Exit*
I clicked on Withdraw and the box changed a third time, showing a single potion waiting for me.
I clicked it, and the small bottle materialized in my hand as the boxes disappeared.
“...okay, so that's evidence that I'm at the beginning of the ‘game’, the classic hidden extra potion… oh cool, I'm talking to myself now, great.”
I looked around the room, but didn't see a bag, so I just set the potion on the desk as I started pacing, trying to think.
“Okay, well, age aside, I'm right in the position to take Red’s place…or Gold, or Ash Ketchum or whoever…I'm guessing/hoping I just need to beat the game to get back to the real world. So I need to figure out where exactly I am first…actually I need to figure out why or how I got here, but where is probably an easier question to answer first.”
A quick glance out the window didn't help, but I hadn't expected it to.
My gaze went to the dresser instead. I approached it, and half winced as another box appeared, though I didn't recognize this one.
*Change Outfit? Change Hat?*
I clicked on the former option, and let out a slight sigh of relief, followed by a grunt of confusion.
“‘Remove All Clothing’ is an option?” I questioned aloud, and half debated trying it, before clicking on the only other option besides the pajamas I was already wearing.
A very familiar red jacket and jeans materialized around my body, and I was surprised how well they fit. “So I must be in Kanto, thank God... Or, thank Arceus maybe?... Whatever, at least I should know exactly what to expect, between OG red, Fire Red, and Soul Silver’s take on the region. Plus Let's Go Eevee when I was at my cousin's place."
I would later want to kick myself for tempting fate. In fact, I wanted to do that several times within the next half hour.
As I grabbed the potion from the desk so I could throw it in the backpack I was now wearing ( Said potion just disappeared when I touched it) I saw what had fallen from the bed before.
It was a magazine, and a chill ran down my spine as I saw a very familiar red R on the cover.
“Why do I have a magazine with a Team Rocket logo on it?...and why the hell do I keep talking to myself like that?” I swore under my breath as I picked it up, guessing it was some sort of recruitment thing.
But I got a different kind of shock as I picked it up. When it had landed, it had ended up open to the middle and my eyes widened at the sight that greeted me.
It was unmistakably a centerfold picture.
One featuring a Gardevoir. While nothing was actually shown despite her “dress” being shifted somehow to expose her crotch, her modesty was only preserved because of how her hands were placed- and the Gardevoir was quite clearly a ‘her’, not an ‘it’.
Flipping through the rest of the magazine quickly revealed her picture to be among the tamest.
“Vaporeon, Lopunny, Arcanine… not sure if I should be glad or not there's no humans involved… nope, spoke too soon.” I amended, seeing a picture of a woman wearing a Team Rocket uniform making out passionately with a Lucario as a Sceptile groped her from behind.
Closing it and looking at the cover revealed it to be called “Poke-girls XXX, an exclusive Team Rocket Publication”
“...okay, weird is an understatement right now. So instead of just stealing and selling Pokemon for vaguely defined reasons, now they're also pimping them out?”
I went to drop the magazine under the bed, intending to hide it, only for it to disappear into my bag as well.
“...should have seen that one coming. Not only did I apparently get isekaied into the body of a pervert, now I'm stuck with that too.” I sighed.
I tried not to think too much about what I'd seen as I walked downstairs, but didn't exactly succeed.
I mean, in fairness if...for instance...a Lucario was able to talk via the whole Aura thing, or a Psychic Pokemon via telepathy… The Harkness test could be passed I guess? Human intelligence, able to communicate and consent, sexual maturity-
I shook the thought away as much as I could.
Okay, okay, odds are I'm actually gonna go get my first Pokemon….And I think I need to go with the ‘easy mode’ option and pick Bulbasaur. Ugh, eventually having a Charizard would be badass, but Brock is up first, and I need something to actually handle rock types.
Squirtle wouldn't be bad either though…
Wait, whoever my rival is, he'd pick Charmander after I pick Bulbasaur! So I can just ask Oak about the leftover third Pokemon! It's not just a game (I think), so I can actually talk to him and try to get it! That would give me a huge leg up!
I felt slightly better as I walked into…what I initially thought was a kitchen, but then seemed to also be a living room? It was an open floor plan regardless.
“Sam!” A woman's voice made me jump, and I looked towards the source to see a woman and a younger girl sitting across from each other at a dining table.I couldn't help but label them as “Ash’s Mom” and “Leaf” in my head.
The older one- clearly my mother in this bizarre world- held an envelope toward me. “Sam, this just arrived for you! It's a letter from the pokemon League! Here, open it” she practically shoved it into my hands as I got close enough.
I was pleasantly surprised when I took it, and it didn't immediately turn into another floating box. Tearing it open, I pulled out the letter, along with a small laminated card.
“Dear Sam, your application has been accepted to the Pokemon League, blah blah, you are now an officially recognized trainer blah blah gym badges, blah blah blah, your trainer card is attached…"
I pulled the card off of the letter, and it suddenly disappeared, another floating box replacing it.
I looked at my “mother” and who I could only assume was my sister, but they seemed frozen in place.
I looked from them, to the box that represented the card, then back. The name at least still was mine, Sam, but I didn't see a last name.
It also did say I was 18 like I'd guessed, but that raised as many questions as it answered.
I waved the window away, which seemed to break whatever effect they were under, as the letter and card disappeared.
“They accepted your trainer application? That's amazing!”
I was suddenly being hugged tightly. This was awkward for two main reasons.
Reason number one being that despite her thinking I was her kid- and technically I was with the logic of this world I found myself in- to me it was a total stranger who was embracing me like this.
The second reason was that my face had ended up directly in her boobs. Even though the outfit she was wearing didn't show much in the way of cleavage, nor was she hugely endowed… well there was no way it couldn't be awkward.
Thankfully she didn't seem to notice how red my face was when she released me, doing a little dance in place instead. “Oh I'm so proud of you!”
She paused suddenly, a thoughtful look on her face as she glanced at my new sister.
“Isn’t that boy from next door receiving his first pokemon today as well? I overheard Professor Oak talking about it…what was that nickname that everyone calls him?”
“You cannot be serious!” I deadpanned as she froze in place again, and another box showed up.
A cursor hovered next to the name “Blue”, but I'd seen too much of the anime to not instantly label the face I was looking at as “Gary” in my head.
I bit my lip, before erasing the existing name and replacing it with Gary. Then I paused.
“This almost feels like a…trick question or something.” I commented aloud to my frozen-not-family members.
They didn't react, so I kept thinking aloud.
“I mean, it's practically a Pokemon tradition to give your rival an awful name. Especially in Kanto…but if it's a real person here… then again you also said nickname instead of just name…but do I really want to go through this whole situation calling him Nutsack or Scrodumb or something?”
My hand hovered back and forth between the accept button and backspace button.
“Ah screw it, I'm just gonna split the difference.” I finally made up my mind, erasing the name and typing in a different one.
“Oh, that's right!” My 'mom' snapped her fingers as the box disappeared. “Everyone calls him Dick as his nickname! Well, I'm sure you and Dick will have plenty of fun on your Pokemon journey together!”
I bit my cheek to resist laughing. Yeah, I could've done “Richard” a lot dirtier than that… especially given the whole “killing his raticate” or “instantly dethroning him as champion” thing… but then again, I don't see a Mr.Mime so his grandpa is probably banging my mom so we're… even?
“Anyway, I won't keep you any longer, go and see the professor!”
I glanced back at the house as I walked out the front door. “And it's apparently bigger on the inside?... Meh, finding out I might live in a Tardis is hardly the strangest thing that's happened to me today so far.”
“Yo Sam!”
“And, right on cue. Sup Dick?”
“Guess who just got accepted as an official pokemon trainer?” He continued like he hadn't heard me.
“Your grandma?” I responded sarcastically.
“That's right, me!” He boasted.
“Wait a minute, can you hear me at all?” I wondered aloud, to absolutely zero response.
He just kept looking at me with the same proud grin on his face.
“Your mom said to say hello. At least I think that's what she said, her mouth was full. And I wasn't the only guy there."
He continued to just stand there without any reaction.
“Huh. So maybe Red wasn't actually a mute, maybe everyone just had selective obliviousness.” I sighed, before reaching for my bag.
I didn't actually need to open it; the trainer card appeared in my hand, pointed right at him.
“What? They accepted your application too?”
“No, I just know a really good forger.” I responded flatly.
“I'm surprised they let you in, I thought they'd have higher standards!” He scoffed.
“Ugh, I let you off way too easy by just calling you Dick instead of Douchebag."
“Guess there's no point bragging about mine then.”
That time I just flipped him off, but apparently that didn't do anything either. Even when I added both hands and started waving them all around. Neither Dick nor the neighbor walking nearby took any notice.
“Good news, I can apparently talk to myself to my heart's content. Bad news, that's apparently the only way I'm gonna have any sort of intellectual conversation for a while.”
“Anyways, Gramps told me he's gonna give me my first Pokemon. He has to head to viridian city for an errand, but he told me to wait for him at the lab.”
“And now, let me guess, you're gonna say your line, right?”
“See ya!”
“How about you go smell-...” I trailed off, staring at his retreating back. “What? Seriously? ‘See ya?’ not ‘smell ya later?’... I actually somehow feel blue balled here!"
I looked around, seeing that even when I yelled I got no reaction.
“And how is this even a town? There's literally only three buildings here!”
I massaged my temples with both hands as I walked around my house, glancing towards the lab I'd seen Dick head towards.
Then I looked the other way. Between the fences, which were themselves surrounding trees, was a patch of grass, which looked about waist high.
“...I've gotta walk towards that to make anything happen don't I.” I sighed, already walking towards it.
“Of course if this doesn't work, and there's a wild Pokemon waiting for me, I'm gonna die pissed off. That would be quite the tombstone. 'Here lies Sam, mauled to death by a level 2 Rattata.'"
“Wait! Don't go any further!”
I looked around for the voice I suddenly heard, only to jump as Professor Oak literally seemed to pop into existence in front of me as he stepped out of the tall grass.
“It's not safe! Wild Pokemon live in the tall grass! You need your own Pokemon for protection!”
“...huh. Really expected you to come from behind, not from the grass. Guess Dick did say something about an errand, but still.”
“I know, come with me!”
I expected to have to follow him to his lab, but instead I blinked and we were suddenly no longer outside.
“DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING ABRA IN YOUR POCKET?!” I exclaimed as he walked deeper into the lab.
“Gramps, I'm fed up with waiting!” I heard Dick complaining from further ahead.
“Bitch, do not even start with me right now!” I flipped him off as I walked past, standing in front of the table.
3 PokeBalls were laying on top of it. While I was still annoyed, and my heart was still beating faster than normal, I couldn't help but feel a sense of awe.
How many times had I played through the games, imagining I really was standing in this spot?
I'd seen it reenacted in stores- parents giving their kids three plushies to pick from.
I'd seen countless memes about the poor third Pokemon who didn't get picked.
Imagined the world where they'd actually implemented the idea of having Oak be a secret boss using it.
“Here they are Sam. I have three Pokemon for you to choose from inside these pokeballs.”
“Is there a skip dialogue option here somewhere?” I grumbled, taking my backpack off and idly ruffling through the pockets to see if I could trigger anything.
“When I was younger, I was a serious Pokemon trainer, with hundreds of Pokemon. But in my old age I only have these three left. Choose whichever one you'd like.”
“What about me Gramps?” Dick whined.
“Be patient Dick, you can have one too.”
“I should've named him Fart Eater. It would've been so much funnier hearing everyone call him that.” I commented to myself, reaching for the leftmost pokeball. “Come on, let's kick his ass Bulbasaur.”
*This pokeball contains Chespin.*
I stared blankly at the floating box that appeared in front of me, my hand blocked from actually reaching the ball.
“What.”
*Do you want to choose Chespin?*
“Uh, hard pass.”
I didn't actually hit the option, but apparently saying it worked too.
“We're in Kanto! Why do you have a Pokemon from the damn Kalos region?”
“Choose whichever one you like.” Oak said cheerily.
“...did you actually just respond to me, or is that just a generic message?”
“The pokeballs are on the table, go ahead, don't be shy!”
I facepalmed again. “Okay, well, Squirtle would be okay too I guess…” I reached for the ball to the far right.
*This pokeball contains Froakie.*
“Mother fucking son of a whore!”
*Do you want to choose-* “NO!”
I took several deep breaths. “Okay, okay, don't panic. I could still work with this. Froakie turns into Greninja eventually, that would be pretty badass too…probably wouldn't have Ash's pseudo mega evolution, but Protean is still an awesome ability…though that's the hidden ability, so doubtful it'd actually have that either...”
“This isn't fair! Why don't I ever get to pick first?”
“Oh fuck you and the goddamn Rapidash you rode in on!” I shot Dick a furious glare.
Then I paused, my head slowly turning towards the middle ball. “That's a Fennekin instead of a Charmander, isn't it.”
After a moment, another box popped up, confirming exactly that.
Huh. That would eventually evolve into a Delphox...
*Do you want to choose Fennekin?*
I stared at the box.
The images from that magazine popped into my head despite my best attempts to not think about them.
Then a moment later the magazine itself popped into my hand, and I furiously blushed as I threw it on the ground- where it disappeared again.
Neither Oak nor the whiny cock seemed to notice, though, and for the first time I was grateful for their NPC syndrome.
I turned back to the table, the box still floating in midair, almost daring me to say yes.
“...I really should pick one of the other two. Fire would make the first couple gyms way harder, between Rock and Water.”
I still made no move to close the box.
“Choosing Fennekin would basically be thinking with my rival’s namesake… I'm not nearly that desperate and stupid, am I?”
*Sam obtained Fennekin!*
I looked at the pokeball I suddenly was holding as celebratory sounds went off around me.
“...it just automatically selected it cause I left it open too long.” I tried to convince myself. “It definitely didn't just take my rhetorical question as a yes.”
*Would you like to give Fennekin a nickname?*
I considered it a moment, before experimentally tossing the ball out in front of me. To my mild surprise, it actually popped open, and a swirl of red energy shot out and resolved itself into the tiny fiery fox.
The box with the question disappeared, replaced with another keyboard like before.
The Fennekin stretched out, before sitting back on its hind legs to regard me. It almost seemed to be looking between me and the box curiously.
Or rather, she seemed to be looking between the two, since the box also had a handy gender indicator.
“Don't suppose you've got any suggestions?” I asked dryly.
I wasn't expecting any sort of response, but she actually shook her head in a negative.
“Wait, you…can actually hear me? And understand me?”
It wasn't easy to tell with her vulpine facial features, but she seemed to be looking at me like I was nuts, before she nodded.
“...huh. So the Pokemon can hear me but not the people?...this must be how Stewie Griffin feels all the time”
I looked between her and the box.
“Do you actually want a nickname?”
Another nod.
“Fair enough…” I crossed my arms to think, fingers tapping against my elbows. “Let's see…fox names…I'm not calling you Mozilla just on principle, so that's out. Robin or Maid Marion maybe? Nah, you're gonna be a mage, not an archer or a princess… the only other fox coming to mind is Nick Wilde… wait…what about Nicole?...or better yet…”
I typed in my idea, and tried spinning it around to show her to approve it. My hand passed through it when I tried spinning it, but she could apparently see through the box somehow anyway.
*Your Fennekin has been given the nickname Niccoal*
She let out a sort of pleased bark, walking towards me as the world seemed to unfreeze once again.
“You chose Fennekin huh?” Dick asked rhetorically.
“No, she's actually a Zoroark using illusion.” I responded sarcastically, which earned an amused snort from my Pokemon.
“Huh, at least someone around here can hear how funny I actually am.”
“Well,” Dick reached into his pocket and pulled out a device that looked too big to have fit inside it. “Gramps just got me one of those DNA splicers they've been talking about on TV. So I guess I'll take these other two and try it out on them!”
“Come again?” I responded, caught flat footed.
He grabbed both the pokeballs from the table and held them up to the device. There were two flashes of green light, first around the pokeballs, then around the device, before all three disappeared.
Dick was left holding a single pokeball.
“...yeah, I definitely shouldn't have been so nice with the nickname” I groaned. So much for also taking Chespin…I mean, not the biggest loss but still.
“Ah yes, DNA splicers are used to combine the DNA of two Pokemon together to create an entirely new species!” Oak exposited.
“Oh, is that where he came from?” I gestured to Dick. “Let me guess, a Muk and a Garbador?”
“I would give you one as well Sam, but unfortunately that was the last of what I had.”
I sighed, and looked at Niccoal, realizing I was still holding her pokeball in my hand. “I would put you back in this thing, but I'm guessing despite all the random fuckery that's been changed-”
I took a single step forward, directly in front of Dick.
“Not so fast Sam!”
“Yep, saw that one coming…still no clue where the hell the music is coming from though.”
“Let's have a battle to see how much stronger my Pokemon got being fused together!”
“How would you even know? You never saw how strong they were separ- okay, WHAT is going on with my eyes?!”
My vision seemed to blur for a moment, before pixelating in a swirl straight out of something by Junji Ito.
Then I blinked, and I was in a strange void, with Dick across from me. The ground beneath us was the same wood pattern as the floor of the lab, but it seemed to stretch out into infinity.
*Rival Dick would like to battle!*
“W.T. actual Fuck ? The battles are still turn based?... Well, so much for my backup plan of just throwing water at Brock’s onyx I guess.” I shrugged. “Alright Dick, let's see what a… chesoakie looks like? Or a froapin? I dunno, something like that.”
*Rival Dick sends out Dratini!*
“What.”
He threw out his pokeball, and sure enough, what popped out was a Dratini…with three heads.
“...WHAT?!”
Remember what I said about wanting to kick myself?
This was about the moment I started to truly realize: I might have been in Kanto, but I wasn't in the Kanto I'd known and grown up with.
And this was only the beginning of my journey through the world of Pokemon.
I'd been isekaied into a world of Infinite Fusions- and it was a world I didn't really know at all.
Nor was it a world I was ever going to forget