Chapter Text
January 15th 1994, 3:04 A.M.:
Incoming call to Spamton G. Spamton
Spamton:Spamton G. Spamton’s quality goods and services, how can I help you tonight?
???:Hello, Spamton, how are you tonight? I’m sorry for calling at such an hour but I felt as though this couldn’t wait much longer
Spamton:Oh I know how it is! Business never sleeps, after all, you never know when might be the best time to do something! Honestly that’s why I like the stock market so much, the volatility makes it exciting, don’t you think? You never know when the best time will be to buy or sell or who to invest in. So what can I help you with?
???:It’s… funny, that you mention making investments. I suppose the easiest way to put it is that I was hoping to invest in you.
Spamton:.... I'm Sorry?
???:.I’d like to offer you a business opportunity, of sorts. A partnership. I would like to invest my time and resources in you so that you would be able to cultivate your brand and reach the success you’ve dreamed of all these years. You want to be a Big Shot, don’t you?
Spamton:Okay, yes, very funny, you got me. Who put you up to this, anyway? Was it Blockton? I told him I would pay him back, it’s just five-
???:I’m not joking. I see a lot of potential in you, Spamton. You’re capable of great things, you just need a little… push.
Spamton:.... What are you proposing?
???:I’m proposing a partnership. I’m willing to work in the background for you, making business arrangements, sending goods and customers your way, and assisting you in any way I can to ensure your success. And I assure you, you will be successful.
Spamton:And what do you get out of this? I mean… If you really mean it and I’m gonna be a Big Shot then yeah there would be a lot of money in it for you but… I can’t really pay you anything just yet
???: *Slight laughter* Well, you’re correct about the monetary aspect, Spamton. I’ll be taking care of that once the ball gets rolling, but beyond that… I just enjoy being supportive. I believe you’re capable of great things, is it so wrong that I want to see you succeed? All I ask is that you do as I say, when I say it. It won’t be all the time, of course… but if I tell you to do something, talk to someone, don’t talk to someone, you’ll do it without complaint.
Spamton:*chair creaking*
???: You don’t need to say yes. This is… your choice, after all. I’m not going to force you into anything
Spamton:... What would you do if I said no?
???: I would tell you it’s the wrong choice and to try again.
Spamton:*Deep inhale*
???: Take the deal, Spamton, you won't regret it...
Spamton:You know what? Yeah, Yeah let’s do this! Thank you, I really appreciate you taking a chance on me, I won’t let you down. You know I told everyone! I told them all that I would be a big shot, I just needed to be determined! Now look, all it takes is one deal doesn’t it? You know what, I like you already! You know what you want, what I want, we’re going to be good friends, aren’t we?
???: I’m sure we will be. Now, before we continue with anything I do have a very important rule that you have to follow if we’re to remain business partners. You will not, under any circumstances, tell anyone about what we discuss. Do you understand?
Spamton:Yeah, yeah I got it, no secrets spilled, don’t worry I’m really good at keeping secrets.
???: Good. Now… keep your phone nearby, I’ll be in contact.
Spamton:Yup, can do will do. So is there a number I can reach you at? Oh, I almost forgot I never caught your name!
???: You can call me… Mike. As for how to reach me, just pick up the phone. I’ll be there to listen whenever you need. If that’s all to be said, tonight, I suggest you forgo your spell casting and get to sleep. You have a lot of work to do tomorrow.
Spamton:... How did you know I was trying to-
Mike:Go sleep, Spamton. You deserve a good, long night's rest, don’t you?
Spamton:... Right, yeah, you’re probably right. Have a good one, I’ll talk to you soon.
Call ended by Spamton G. Spamton.
...
January 16th 1994, 8:59 P.M.:
Incoming call to Spamton G. Spamton
Spamton:Mike! Oh By the Angel that was AMAZING! I had so many customers! They just kept flying through the door, for a second I thought they were going to tear it right off the hinges! I don’t even know how much money I made, I completely lost track! Definitely enough to cover my electrical bill! Oh with the money left over I can hire myself an assistant and get a new wardrobe from the colour cafe, pay back my brothers, finally!
Mike:I'm glad you enjoyed your first day of your new life, Spamton. It certainly went according to my plans at least. Do you know what you'll be doing tomorrow?
Spamton:Oh I was actually going to ask you about that! I mean I can make an order for some new products to come in but that's going to take a day or two for them to arrive. I don't want to go and just shut down shop one day after making it big, that's not how you get customers! So I was wondering if you had any ideas about what I would be able to do while I wait for products to come in!
Mike:I'm so glad you asked, Spamton. This is a partnership after all, you would be wise to seek me out for advice. Since you've been bought out on your storefront, it would be a good idea to use this opportunity to diversify. Is there anything you've… always wanted to do?
Spamton:I've ah… *Clears throat* I've always wanted to open a car dealership. Cars are really cool, you know? A couple years ago I saw a news article breaking down the history of car advertisements and I always thought they were really neat. Lightner’s cars are so different from the ones around here! Did you know they don't have feet? When I first heard that I was just so confused wondering how the hell they got anywhere if they didn't walk, so glad I looked it up myself instead of asking I would have made a complete fool of myself! I always thought it would be cool to bring that style of car here too, they look so classy don't you think?
Mike:I'm confident in saying cars with feet are something unique to Cyber World.
Spamton:Huh, what?! No way, there's no way! Well, if that's the case I DEFINITELY need to work on bringing this place into the twentieth century, proper! Do you think I would be able to do that? Open a car dealership? That isn't… wrong? I mean that's not what I am, I'm not a— I'm not a car Addison, I'm a spam Addison…
Mike:Don't worry about what's “right", Spamton. Focus on what you want. I'll see what I can do about getting the ball rolling for a car dealership. Tell me, you mentioned admiring the cars in the Light World, you must be interested in being a part of that as well? You must be…
Spamton:That… does sound really appealing but I'm not sure exactly how I could get that to work. If I had a Lightner around doing all the front facing stuff it wouldn't be so bad. Mike, are— are you a Lightner? Is that why you're suggesting it?
Mike:I'm just Mike. If you are interested in that, you can start planning the details and share what you have with me tomorrow. Otherwise I do have some ideas I could suggest.
Spamton:What kind of stuff were you thinking of?
Mike: There are a few buildings we could use as a storefront for the dealership. It's important that we diversify with the style of cars we sell but if you're interested we could have one flagship car, maybe this could be the one you're so intent on designing from scratch. If we're interested in getting all of this up and running as quickly as possible, what we could do is purchase an independent car manufacturer to absorb them into your brand. Does that sound interesting to you?
Spamton:Huh? Oh, uh, sorry I was a little distracted, just writing down some of my thoughts. Hey, I'm probably going to need an assistant, right? Or is that sort of what you do?
Mike:I'm not your assistant, Spamton. I want to make that clear. You aren't in any position to dictate what I will do with my time and resources. Do you understand?
Spamton:R-Right, sorry. I just thought that… since you were the one taking care of all of the Light World stuff you would be able to do the hiring.....
Mike: I understand…. I'll call again tomorrow to ask about your first thoughts and get the ball rolling. Once that's done with you’ll be able to reach out to the newspaper to post an ad in the Light World to look for employees. You shouldn't receive any pushback but if you do just call me back, I'll make sure they know to expect you.
Spamton:Sure thing I can do that no problem! You know I've never actually spoken to the newzees myself. I mean I've been in the room with one while my brothers spoke with them but that’s it. They and Filion are literally constantly talking, it's so cool he's always chatting with them about sponsorships and collaborations. I heard he was working on something involving Queen that's going to be published throughout the entire Dark World and make her the mascot for some line of cleaning products in the Light World. I mean how cool is that? Working with Queen?
Mike: Rest assured you will eventually. Queen likes anyone who flatters her ego, why do you think she's so close with Swatch and their Swatchlings?
Spamton:Oh yeah they're definitely loyal to a fault!
Mike: Indeed they are. And loyalty is what matters, isn't it? Are you loyal?
Spamton:I mean I like to think so... I've never turned my back on my brothers though I'm not sure how much that counts for. Family tends to be different from friends or colleagues and stuff. I mean I love them to death but sometimes you just want to take a degaussing coil to their heads am I right!
Mike: You like them?
Spamton:W-well… I mean I know it’s not a flawless relationship. Nothing ever is. Blockton’s kind of an ass to everyone… Filion’s in a league of his own, he doesn’t really have much free time these days but I’m sure he still likes me plenty well! Roman’s nice… most of the time… I-I can tell that Medica and Samples like me. I mean they’re literally always there when I need them.
Mike: You'll have to forgive me, I'm not too familiar with your brothers names. Could you refresh my memory?
Spamton:O-oh, yeah sure no problem. Um, Blockton's yellow. He's the one that takes care of ad blockers.... Filion is orange, he's really big, you know? Affiliate marketing, spokespeople, it's getting up there in popularity and he's really taking it in stride. Roman is pink, he's the one in charge of dating ads, relationships, that sort of stuff, Medica's green he does healthcare and insurance, he's really nice, love that guy. And Samples... really likes selling free samples. Lots of shoes and clothes and stuff.
Mike:Well it's good that you speak so highly of them, but I’m not sure if they feel the same way… If they were always there for you, I suspect you never would have been struggling in the first place.
Spamton:*chair creaking* I mean...
Mike:... Go to sleep, Spamton. You’ve got a lot of work to do tomorrow even if the storefront is closed. Keep your email and phone open for inquiries and orders, but beyond that focus on the car dealership. Stay close to the phone, I’ll be in touch. But, also… Work on your smile. Get yourself a good, award winning smile.
Spamton:Right. Y-yeah I can do that. Um, have a good night Mike. Thanks again for taking a chance on me. You won't regret it.
Call ended by Spamton G. Spamton.