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Riddle had been wondering off lately, it started after he came back from winter break. It was unnoticeable at first, sometimes it would be after history with Floyd; “oiiii, goldfishie where are you headin’ so fast” but before Riddle could catch a word he’d be off. No one knew where.
One time it was after an unbirthday when ace had tripped and stumbled into the pastry stand; instead of blowing a fuse Riddle had excused himself from the table, ”Apologies everyone, I must excuse myself please find me in the communal lounge at 5pm for revision study.”
Another time it was during a conversation with Trey, it hadn’t been an exciting discussion before Riddle exclaimed “ ah forgive me Trey, I’ve forgotten a book in the labs, I’ll see you in flying?” Before walking off into the distance.
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The staining scent of tobacco seeped from the small corner hidden from view, another meltdown avoided, anger dissipated. Riddle took a long drag of the cigarette held between his shaking fingers, smoke drifting from his mouth as he exhaled.
Ever since coming home from winter break, his mother learning of his reckless actions and his life and death experience his mother had outraged. Nothing new he supposed but it hurt all the same, the mental torment, the abuse from the woman that should’ve cared ate into his mind cracking the facade and his overworked heart.
He started seeing a therapist , hoping that it would help. Yet speaking his thoughts and his feelings had been repressed for so long it hadn’t quite helped. He hadn’t intended to pick up smoking, sevens knows if his mother found out, or anyone at that matter; but the warmth as the smoke filled his lungs substituted the lack of in his heart. The slight burn in his throat grounded him, to stop himself from breaking down about another rule damaging relationships he fought so hard to build, it subdued the anger that welled every time something or someone irked him.
Another inhale brought the cigarette to a bud, and a long hard exhale from Riddle brought him right back down to the present as he strided back to the heartslabyul dorm.
“Housewarden!” A voice bellowed from behind Riddle, a surge of anxiety sent riddle to a halt. Turning around, Deuce ran up to him coming from the botanical greenhouse, waving his arms like a madman or so Riddle thought. “Deuce, what a pleasure to see you, though so late is everything okay?” Riddle gave a small smile as he tilted his head, Deuce stopped for brief moment before Riddle, a small frown appeared on his face before a grin replaced it. “Professor crewel was giving me a revision lesson on the stuff I missed last class cause of track practise!” He gave out a breathy laugh before continuing to walk along side Riddle. “What about you Housewarden? What’re you doing this time of day?” Riddle gave a quick sigh, “I had thought I’d left books at the labs but it turns out they weren’t there.” A blatant lie, Riddle cursed himself for lying to his underclassman, as he forced himself to commit to the bit. “Damn, that sucks a bunch ey..” Riddle hummed in return as they both strolled back to the dorm.
A few days had passed, differently. Anytime Riddle was plagued with anger and the urge of burning smoky release clouded his mind deuce was there asking Riddle what he was up to. Riddle, annoyed by this couldn’t bring himself to lash out at him, instead bottling the rage and anxiety over the days.
Every time he had tried to wonder off one of his dorm members would somehow always catch him whether it be Trey, Cater, Ace or Deuce. It was infuriating all he longed for was a release of his emotions, a wondering line of smoke that lulled him as he relaxed into the ease of the hidden corner where his mind could drift from the everyday.
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It had been a rather peaceful day in the heartslabyul dorm, no rules were being broken, as he strolled through the rose maze. Observing the lush greenery and floral aroma, when the shouting began. His face physically flared up in anger, all the previous days emotions bubbling inside him. Quickly pacing through the gardens to find a group of first years fighting each other, punches and improper language thrown around like child’s play in the garden that Riddle had spent time and effort on to maintain.
Before he had the chance to go off at the stupidity before him, Trey had appeared with Cater, all while Riddle was fighting the urge to go tyrant on them. So he turned around and paced off quicker than he did getting to the fight, heading straight towards his room to the third dresser on his deck behind the mountain of papers and books he’d thrown to the floor, to the small box of cigarettes and the inconspicuous rose designed lighter he bought.
His breath became laboured and heavy, eyes lost and glossy. The cold of his body never once flushed warmth with his cold red anger, his shaking hands brought the cigarette to his mouth struggling to bring the lighter to a spark before it glowed.
“Riddle? How’re you doing?” Treys voice penetrated his panic, grasping his mind from the swamp it had settled in at the second. Yet his panic grew more intense as he looked around at the state of his room, and the cigarette looming in his mouth about to catch a flame. “I am fine. Please I’m fine, you can go” his voice cracked slightly and his lips wobbled as he finished the last word, his eyes burst into tears. “I’m fine” he repeated, quieter.
“Riddle, we’re coming in” Riddle heard the door open, it dragged against the checkered rug, he braced. His stature gave way his face was decorated in tears, as he let his head fall into his elbow; knees up to protect himself. Sobs echoed through the room. Cigarette hidden between his hand
The room was big, when Trey, Cater, Ace and Deuce walked in they locked eyes on the corner of the room where the desk was, papers scattered, textbooks littered the ground surrounded by pens and highlighters. Fury and desperation lingered at the 3rd drawer, as it left opened hanging from its place about to fall. In between all of that sat a boy, he looked like a frightened cat hiding from the reality of life.
Before Trey had stepped forward, heart pounding loudly as his childhood friend lay barren in his emotions saw the small box that lay in front of Riddle. He stilled.
Stepping forward to pair with Trey, Deuce spoke.“That day when I was coming back from the botanical, I smelt it on you.” He sighed softly, “I thought I had it wrong, Housewarden you’re not as good as hiding it as you think.” He laughed dryly hoping to lift the mood. The air was tense, Cater and Ace had kept to the door, unsure of what to do but make sure no one disrupted them.
Riddles head raised slightly, eyes scanning the room; the people, their faces. Trying to find a way out of the situation, the sobs had stopped the tears though kept coming. He relaxed his knees, as they stretched out crumpling near by papers; and the cigarette in his hand dropped on the floor next to him.
The others’ eyes focused on the crumpled cigarette that had fallen out of Riddles hand, too afraid to set him off again they stood in silence. A beyond awkward pause greeted them, Trey and Cater looked at each other before escorting the first years out of the room. Leaving Riddle and Trey to themselves.
Riddle let out a loud sigh, followed by a click of the rose lighter. While Trey walked towards the window, opening it wide enough before smoke started to drift towards it.
Trey turned to look at Riddle, his hair was messed up stray hairs pocking outward as he blew out the rest of the smoke. “When?” It was a simple question, resting his head against the wall Riddle looked up, “winter break..” he was quiet, the thoughts of what had happened back then always seemed to creep up on him. Trey walked towards Riddle slowly like he was approaching a wild animal, before sitting next to Riddle among the piles of thrown papers and books.
“Deuce had said he thought you smelt like tobacco when he saw you, I thought he was lying; I raised my voice said if he couldn’t prove it I’d make him bake all the tarts for the next unbirthday party..” he laughed softly before looking at Riddle, frowning slightly when Riddles eyes couldn’t quite reach his . The cigarette in his fingers burned to a stub, the floor left to collect the remains of the stick.
“I tried going to therapy, I really did..”
interrupting the silence, “but the words never came, the therapist concluded that I was emotionally stunted that my anger was a result of that..” Riddle took a long breath and Trey let his arm extend over the others shoulder, allowing him to rest his head on his shoulder.
“I continued going, I thought that maybe I would admit that they were right, but when I went home…” he paused, “Mother… mother does what she does and pulled me from the program, using her financial power to stop people from helping. Insisting that I was fine.” He went silent. Going over how he could explain his thought, “So when I was introduced, it was amazing; I didn’t yell, or scream and the dorm seems so much more happier. My unique magic has been used so rarely that I’m sleeping better, I feel more alive than I did before.” Trey caught Riddles smiling, the weight of the conversation hung in the balance, before he brought Riddle into a hug.
Riddle froze before he melted into the touch, holding Trey like a lifeline. “I’m so sorry” tears flowed again, not sad ones this time regretful ones. “I need help Trey” he breathed out, Trey held him closer his arms embracing Riddle tighter. “We’ll get you help Riddle, you will be okay.”
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Riddle walked towards his hidden corner, memories of smoke and stunted anxiety filled his mind. He sat down soaking up the times where he had been so ridden with emotions and nerves that caused him to suffer.
He had grown, he hoped; as he lit the rose designed lighter he had been attached to, watching the flames dance for a while, before placing it on the ground in the corner.
A new beginning he thought, free from artificial peace. He stood up and dusted himself off before walking back to the dorm. “Riddle!” Treys voice echoed through the school corridor, he smiled lightly. “Trey, is something the matter?” He spoke up walking towards the other, “thought I’d catch up with after you had your session with wellbeing” he admitted, smiling now as he walked side of Riddle.
“So how are you feeling?” He tempted, riddle smiled fondly
“I am happy”