Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Why the fuck did she get the room beside the wannabe-rockstar. He was up playing music at…

She looked at her electric clock. 2 am. Why would anyone think that was an acceptable time to not just be up, but also actively playing music loudly? She had an 8 am tomorrow!

She sat up, groaning. She couldn’t tune the All American Rejects out, no matter how hard she tried. So she pulled on her robe, slid into her fluffy slippers, and barged out of her room. She started with some polite knocking on his door, which quickly turned to agitated rapping with her knuckle. She was a second away from bashing the door in when he opened.

“Do you know what fucking time it is? 2 am,” she whispered. Two more people were asleep in the house and she wasn’t about to make it worse than he had.

“Relax dude. I’m just winding down from my shift.” His voice was annoyingly loud, and her teeth grinded. A week next to this guy and she already hated him.

“I have an 8 am tom- today, even! So can you please be quiet, dipshit?” She was staring daggers at him. He was annoyingly tall, the kind of tall that she found attractive. Unfortunately for Rodrick Whatever-The-Fuck, his personality ruined his looks.

“Whatever.” He shut his door in her face, leaving her to flipping the bird at a piece of wood. But the music did quiet down, just enough so that she couldn’t hear it. Thank god. She whipped around and strode the three steps back to her own room, throwing herself on the bed. Sleep couldn’t come soon enough.

She woke up four hours later, feelings absolutely fucking exhausted. She considered letting her alarm clock beep, as payback, but ultimately decided to take the high road. She wasn’t going to move out, and neither was Dick in the next room over, so she would have to make peace. She turned the annoying sound off and got ready. It was a nice space, all things considered - hardwood floors that she covered in a plush lilac rug, a sizeable enough bed, a dresser and built-in closet for her heaps of clothing. Desk and standing mirror near the door. A steal, for the price her father told her it was. She was going to cover the walls in pictures from her disposable camera and not-yet-bought posters. Her old ones still hung up in her room back in Evanston.

It was her first week of classes. Her schedule was calming down in a week or two, but for now they had at least one class per day, and she got lucky and had the fucking 8 am seminar. Yay.

She stepped into the kitchen, fully dressed in bootcut jeans and extra long grey sweater, with one of those cute frilly camisoles underneath. She nodded at the redhead girl already sitting at the table - Cady, maybe? - and plucked out her milk from the fridge. A tiny whiteboard was plastered onto the door of the fridge, with a gorgeously written note no one had yet dared to erase.

#1 Rent is due 25th, NO LATER!

#2 NO DRUGS

#3 NO INCEST, EITHER HOUSE

#4 Parties - talk to Gretchen (ALWAYS)

#5 NO noise after 11 unless agreed upon

The house rules taunted her. She could rat Rodrick out, and god did she want to, but a part of her knew that was the worst idea possible. Regina George was a lot of things, but she wasn’t a rat. Especially not one after like, two nights of hearing noise, with only one of which was distracting enough that she couldn’t sleep. That was just pathetic. She grabbed the cereal from her pantry and sat down to eat, zoning out and forgetting to talk to Cady. She probably should, since they lived together. Her thoughts wandered back to her midnight rendezvous, wondering if she had been slightly too mean. In any other situation, it would’ve been saintly of her to just call him dipshit once for what he did, but this was someone she lived with. She could maybe apologize later, after class.

It was quite a nice set up, after all. Two houses, connected by a big fenced in yard, both belonging to Gretchen Weiner's dad. Close to the school, a ten minute drive. Four people lived in either house: her, The Dick, Cady, and a guy named Aaron. Next house over was Gretchen herself, her friend she hadn’t met yet, a girl who could be Rodrick’s twin whose name she hadn’t caught, and Damian. She wondered what their rooms looked like, if it was nicer living on the top floor rather than the bottom. Not that her room wasn’t nice, she was just curious. And she didn’t want to lose it: Rodrick had moved in before her, he might have more swaying power if they disagreed.

She finished up in the kitchen, gave Cady a nod and was out by her car at 7:30. The early September air hit her with memories everytime she walked out, identical to the air in Illinois. As she tried to press thoughts of Evanston and North Shore out of her mind, someone called for her.

“Hey! You!” It was the black haired girl from the other house, running out the door with Damian in tow. “Can you drive us?”

She hesitated for a slight second before putting on a polite smile. “Yeah, for sure. Hop in.”

“This is such a life saver, thank you so much,” the girl said.

“We thought we were fucked.”

“It’s no problem, really.” She pulled out of the parking spot and began driving towards the San Maria Campus. Both of them were in the backseat, acting very familiar to each other. “How long have you known each other?”

“Oh Janis and I go way back, we met in middle school.”

“We’re from this shithole outside of Chicago, you probably haven’t heard of it,” Janis said, and Regina’s eyes lit up.

“No way! Illinois? I’m from Evanston!”

Janis laughed, no, cackled from behind her. “You’re shitting me?! You beat us like ten times in football. Kingsfield.”

“You don’t look like the type to care about football.”

“We aren’t, but when you lose every time to every other school district, it becomes a badge of honour.” Damian put his hand in his chest, his eyes directed at Janis. Everything they said seemed to build off one another, their responses somehow coordinated to a tee.

She hadn’t realised how comforting it was to have someone from Illinois here. “What are you guys studying?”

“He’s in fashion merchandising -“ Damian cut Janis off to half shout “Elle Woods!” - “and I’m doing art history. What about you, Evanston?”

“I’m in a three year program, choosing my major next semester. Considering media and communications, or.. like, fashion. But my parents would hate that.” She laughed, airy, so you wouldn’t hear at the frustration underneath the remark. It wasn’t her parents, either - the only voice she had in her head was her fathers, ringing with disappointment that she hadn’t immediately gone for a business major.

“Always the parents.” Janis sighed. “You could become the next Miranda Priestley.”

“More like Andy. It’s a hard career, it’s just… oh, what I wouldn’t do to just look at outfits all day. Heaven.” They made their final turn before reaching the campus parking lot. “Well, good luck.”

They waved goodbye and walked away from each other. The campus was brick building after brick building, separated by lawns of grass and trees planted wherever. But it was pretty, could most definitely be worse. She slung her bag over her shoulder and walked towards her class. At least it wasn’t a long day.

She didn’t wait for the other two, assuming they had more classes than her. Today was her lucky day; the seminar ended ten minutes early, she had gone to buy sushi at the mall and would be able to chill for most of the day. And read for tomorrow, but whatever. A shower would feel so nice, and the water pressure was really good in the bathroom. It would also help with the headache she was nursing. Still not used to actually focusing for three hours straight.

She walked inside the door and saw Aaron in the kitchen. It was quite a simple layout; entrance and living room, big opening to the kitchen in the back, Rodrick’s room closest to the front door to her right. After that, her room. To the right from the kitchen, her and Rodrick’s bathroom, and then the stairs to the upstairs. Spacious, the kind of house you could live in forever. She took off her shoes and grabbed her slippers in her room before going into the kitchen, greeting Aaron with a small ”hey”. He was the kind of handsome you often saw in athletes, like he was chosen to be a celebrity one day. Blessed by whatever gods you believed in to have every girl circle around him for at least a few minutes when he walked into a party.

She hated those kinds of guys, mostly for who she became around them. Handsome men tended to believe they had a chance with her, which is why when she gave them a chance, they didn’t treat it as something special. It was a game to get her, woo her, but when they actually got her - attention always shifted somewhere else, because surely they had tamed her. Those other identical men hadn’t been able to, but they had something special that would make her stay no matter how they treated her. And when they stopped treating her right, she got mean.

Plus, her image had been so carefully curated in high school, that the only guys she felt she could go for without ruining her reputation had been the popular ones. Those who didn’t see her for who she was, only what she could do for them.

Now, she didn’t know Aaron. He might be a kind one, but she wasn’t going to find out. So she didn’t bother with a conversation and sat down to eat her sushi.

Cady came into the room, apparently having only studied since 6 am.

”You’re serious?” She turned around, salmon roll still in her mouth. She used her hand to cover up the chewing.

”I’m in engineering classes, it’s kind of a lot.” Cady just giggled, as though she hadn’t just told Regina a horror story.

”That’s honestly really cool.” Aaron had a bit of a vocal fry, like he was trying to seem cooler than he was. It grated. ”I’m uh.. football guy. Quarterback. Here on a scholarship.”

”What’re you studying?” Cady didn’t seem nearly as bothered with his voice as Regina was, so she turned back around and let them continue talking. But she did eavesdrop.

”No, y’know… economics, whatever…”

She rolled her eyes at his answer, finding it entirely too non-committal. Her eyes rose slowly from her plastic container to the person across the hall - dark brown hair, obviously greasy, head hung with a towel draped across his shoulders. Shit. Nononono-

It was too late. Rodrick locked himself in the bathroom and turned on the shower. Regina swore under her breath.

She was considering rescinding the apology she was so far only contemplating giving him.

Chapter Text

She stared at the dishes in the sink. Someone had left a fucking pan on the stove, filled with water, and hadn’t done anything about it. The sink was full, and so was the dishwasher, but no one had run it. And she needed to cook food fast, lest she miss her afternoon class.

Her theories were unconfirmed, but she suspected it was Rodrick who left it. Call it stereotyping or womanly intuition, but Cady sure as hell didn’t leave this mess, and Aaron seemed slightly less likely to be this lazy. She grumbled and huffed before deciding to buy a salad on campus, irritation rising, her feet stomping across the floor. She was trying to be less mean, she was really trying, but this guy made it so hard. Insults rolled around in her head and she glared at his door. Amazingly timed, he opened it, taking one single step out of his door then freezing under her intense stare. His brows furrowed and he did a little shake of his head, as if to say ”what are you looking at?”

She just walked past him, glancing over her shoulder as she opened the front door. He was still staring at her. The look in his eyes had slightly shifted, now akin to something playful. She just rolled her eyes and shut the door behind her, ignoring the twist in her stomach. It was an addiction, being mean. She was not going to fall back into it. But it was so easy when it came to him, to roll her eyes and forget the art of subtlety that she used to wield so effortlessly. He was just that annoying.

Fighting the urge to look back at the house and see if he was maybe staring at her through the window, wanting to command his attention although refusing to analyze said want even a little. She wasn’t rational when she got pissed. Her instincts always relayed that if she was upset people should bend over themselves to help her, and cry about disappointing her from afar. But Rodrick’s demeanor made that implausible, which is perhaps why she wanted to see him staring out the window, looking forlornly at her as she left. He could defy her expectations, which would make him more interesting as a person. She was so lost in thought, trying to rationalise her split second thought of wanting someone to stare at her that she barely registered having gotten into her car and turning on the ignition. Taking a second to compose herself in her seat, trying to remember what she had read in her textbooks last night, before she felt focused enough to drive.

Still, during the short drive, her thoughts were plagued by anxieties. Mostly surrounding whether she was about to fall back into old patterns.

Truth is, her years in high school weren't the prettiest. The constant string of guys hoping to impress her, get a taste of her attention, was addicting. Somewhere inside, she knew it wasn’t just the attention; every guy she met, she hoped they would see her as more than a prize. None did. It was horrible to cheat, she knew that, but when all guys lost interest in you as a girlfriend the moment they got you it was really hard not to. Somewhere along the lines, she hoped she would find the one who did care, who looked beneath the surface of her bitchy attitude. None, not a single one, did. Not even the one who lasted 8 months.

Not to get all sappy and depressed, but the George household wasn’t exactly perfect. Her father had attitude (and anger) issues, her mother an undiagnosed eating disorder that she unknowingly perpetrated upon her daughters. As a child, Regina copied her fathers behaviour, not understanding that she was doing unto other children what she hated being done to her. It was an outlet, one no eight year old should have. Then, when she got older, the control her mother got from strict diets and exercise regimens, Regina needed from every aspect of her life. So she learned to be subtle in her anger, coat it with layers of kindness beforehand so no one would truly believe that what she said was mean. But she also knew everything she did, and said, hurt.

She wanted it to.

Being away from her parents for the first time would maybe break the cycle of needing attention, hiding her real self whilst desperately hoping someone would find it.

That said, she was used to a strict regimen and a maid cleaning multiple times a week. She was hardwired to get angry at unwashed dishes, left out food and clothes left strewn about. And she absolutely hated when someone broke established rules.

Somewhere between almost falling asleep at the professor’s monotone voice and not having had a good enough lunch, Regina found herself at the supermarket, buying a bag of M&Ms. It was Friday and she was planning on chilling like her life depended on it, unsure whether she should rent a movie or wait and see if other people had similar plans for the evening. She flipped open her phone, contemplating calling Cady and asking straight up if they could hijack the TV for the evening when a voice spoke to her. Loudly.

”Regina, right?”

She turned around to face Gretchen. ”Yeah!” Her lips hung open for a second, unsure how to keep the conversation going without it feeling forced. Gretchen just stood there, eyes bright. ”Got any plans for the weekend?”

”Uhm, yeah? We’re having a party tomorrow night? Did Aaron not tell you?” Her voice rose at the end of every sentence, making everything she said sound like a question. Regina just smiled, suddenly remembering she needed to buy more milk.

”No, but we haven’t talked much. I’ll be there.”

Gretchen laughed, covering her face with one hand and waving the other in Regina’s direction. ”You’re like, actually funny? I’m so glad you live with us - I didn’t realise my dad wanted me to live with freaks and geeks.” She tried to keep her face neutral, but the comment weirded her out.

”I mean, Janis and Damian are nice. So is Cady. I haven’t… talked to the others much.”

”Oh yeah they’re so great, I didn’t mean it in that way! Sometimes, people you live with just get under your skin in a particular way, you know?” Gretchen’s eyes widened almost comically wide, hand reaching out to assure Regina of her innocence. All of this was still happening in the candy aisle, and the lecture had left a gnawing headache in Regina’s head. Still, she smiled.

”No I so know what you mean, don’t worry about it. I need to buy some more stuff, see you at the house?”

”Oh absolutely, maybe I’ll come over or something.” Gretchen smiled wide. ”Oh, by the way, there’s a key in the hallway to the other house. In the keyholder, obvi.”

She didn’t know that, and nodded in appreciation. ”Well now I know!”

They left the conversation with a smile, and Regina went to find her milk. On the way, she picked up some more stuff she was running low on, which made her have to buy a bag. She grumbled over the extra cost, promising herself to buy a reusable bag sometime in the future.

She spent the evening on her couch, curled up against Janis and Cady with Damian in a nearby armchair. Damian had an extensive movie collection, but to honour their first week of classes put on - of course - Legally Blonde. They were at the scene where Elle is buying her computer in her bunny costume, which reminded Regina.

”I dressed up like that Halloween my junior year.”

”I hope it went better for you than her.” Janis remarked, and Regina grinned.

”It sure did.”

She won back her cookie-cutter boyfriend that evening, which would be much to the chagrin of Elle. But it would've been for the best if she didn’t get Conner back, since it was mostly a show of power. Thank god she’d never have to see any of her exes again, all of them were exactly as kind and about half as smart as Warner Huntington ”the third”. 

There was a presence in the kitchen, knocking things around, so she bent her head backwards over the pillows. Rodrick. He was staring at the TV whilst making a sandwich, or something.

Cady noticed her looking and turned around to Rodrick as Regina lifted her head up, back to the TV. ”You wanna join us?”

”Uh, I can’t, band practice.” Did he always have to add ”uh, uhm, guuh” sounds when he talked? It was annoying. ”Hey, Regina?”

Her head snapped around, brows furrowed at the guy. ”Yeah?”

His lips split into a smile. ”Is it okay that I get back after 11, or am I gonna interrupt your beauty sleep?”

”I’m not your mother, Heffley.” She tried to turn back around, but he kept talking in that… honeyed voice of his.

”Just wanted to double check, since you were so pissy about it last night.”

”That was different, I had school? Like every other person in this house?” She was staring daggers at him, mad that he brought it up at all. She hadn’t apologised, but neither did he over the dirty dishes, so really it all was a moot point. Bringing it up in front of everyone was unnecessary.

Rodrick just huffed, which she took as her winning, and walked out the door. There was a beat of silence, something akin to tension in the air, before Damian paused the movie.

”What was that?”

Regina sighed. ”He woke me up Wednesday morning with his loud ass music, I complained about it. Not much more.”

”Are you sure? Like that’s it?”

”Uhm, yeah?” She shrugged and hid her growing irritation. Was he pissed over not getting an apology? Boohoo, honestly.

”Okay…”

It felt as though she lost some rapport with them, but it was quickly gained back during the movie. The mere thought of losing what little trust she had gained with these people stung harder than expected. Probably since they were rational, and rational people assumed the guy who was extra pissed had the right to be. Which reflected badly on her: it did seem she had done something to piss Rodrick off. More than the confrontation.

Basically, she had to apologise for whatever she did if she wanted her year to go smoothly.

Chapter Text

She’s asleep before he comes home, and yet she’s awake long after he is. When she knocks on his door, all she gets is an explanation from Cady that he’s at work and left an hour ago. Great, she’s gonna have to apologise during a party.

Right, there was a party happening. And she hadn’t invited anyone. Did she have anyone to invite? She had talked to maybe two girls in her class and she had kind of.. intimidated them. Normal relationships weren’t her forte, they either were her lackeys or admired her from afar. Her mind whirred as she made her breakfast, brows furrowed.

If she didn’t apologise to Rodrick, the only people who right now tolerated her would ice her out. Her best chance at feeling normal, gone.

If she had to beg on her knees for him to forgive her.. she wouldn’t, that was slightly too humiliating, but she would almost go that far.

Someone rushed down the stairs just as she spotted a new note on the fridge. Same handwriting, so absolutely Gretchen’s words.

#6 UPSTAIRS CLEAN EVERY WEDNESDAY

DOWNSTAIRS EVERY SUNDAY

Cady appeared in the kitchen, just in time for Regina to turn around, mouth gaping.

”What the fuck is this?”

”Oh, Gretchen wrote it this morning. Come on, let’s pick out some clothes for the evening..”

”No, I’m talking about how unfair that is. Upstairs clean every Wednesday, meanwhile downstairs every Sunday? Aka, right after the two days you’re most likely to party?”

”I guess so?”

”That’s totally unfair!” Regina was starting to get actually mad. Injustice was only kind of okay when she was benefitting - even then, she had the good sense to sometimes take on the dirty work to appear kinder than she was. Or maybe it actually filled her chest with a warm feeling, she didn’t know anymore. Either way, Gretchen setting up the rules so they were exclusively in her favour was heinous.

”I mean, we could talk about a rotating schedule maybe?” Cady was a sweetheart, that was clear. But Regina just shook her head, trying to also shake off her bad temper.

”No, it’s fine, whatever. Let’s try on some clothes.”

Cady looked worried for a second, but as Regina gave her a small smile she smiled back. It was the first time Regina went up the stairs and got a good look at how Cady and Aaron lived up here.

Slightly bigger rooms, better bathroom with a bath, not just shower, and the cleaning closet. The fact that it was upstairs seemed stupid, since only half the household used that space, but everyone used the downstairs.

”Is this cute?”

Cady turned around in front of a half-mirror, looking at herself. Her room was filled with… something akin to tribal art, most things made of a dark wood. It was an interesting and unusual interior design choice, but Regina tried her best not to judge. The woman herself was wearing a pair of tight jeans that were fine for a party, but an absolutely horrendous top that made her look like she wasn’t even trying. Regina pursed her lips, pressing down the insults.

”It’s.. fine, I like the pants. Do you have other tops?”

”No, this is my only going-out top.”

Regina’s eyes bulged. ”ONLY? Sorry, that was drastic.” She took a breath to regain herself. She had never heard of such a thing, one going out top. ”Absolutely not, I’m taking you shopping tomorrow. I’ll give you something from my closet, we’re probably the same size.”

”You sure?”

”Yes! That is not fit for a house party.” She sounded mean again, and looked over Cady one more time. ”But keep the bracelet, it’s cute.”

Cady’s smile was warm and proud. ”I got it from my parents.”

”The clothes too?”

”No, those I bought myself.”

Shit. Well, Cady didn’t seem to care about her malicious tone, so that was something. And the bracelet wasn’t the cutest but it fit her personality, so the compliment was semi-true.

Her room soon looked like a hurricane had blown through it. All her tops were on the bed, and she carefully considered which one would look the best on Cady whilst saving some for herself. She hadn’t decided what to wear yet.

”Is there like, a colour you really like wearing or think looks good on you?”

”I just assumed you would throw something my way, having decided it perfect. I don’t really have a preference.” Cady was positioned behind her, leaning against her dresser. Carefully, as though touching anything with intent would cause it to fall apart. Regina sighed at the sight.

”Listen - the thing that makes people look good is confidence. That’s why that isn’t a going out top- you look comfy, not confident in it.” It was also fugly, but she didn’t mention that part out loud. ”Do you like dark green?”

”Sure?”

”Great, that’s what you’re getting. Try this on, and maybe tie it in the back.” She basically threw a tank top at Cady, dark green, with a v-neck and way too long to be actually sexy. ”It should go with your pants and bracelet. Also, don’t even think about a jacket, it’s going to be warm as fuck in here.”

Cast held it in her hands, content with Regina’s decision. She smiled again. ”What are you wearing?”

Regina looked at the pile of clothes, mulling over it in her head. Almost everything was catalogued in there, pieces she had once worn religiously circulating round and around until her mind focused on a signature piece. She pulled it out, a white crop-top that went with most things. It read A Little Bit Dramatic over the chest in bright pink letters.

”This, and a pink miniskirt.”

”You really love pink.”

Cady said it with a laugh, but it caused Regina’s eyebrows to furrow. ”Yeah? Now go, you’ll look really hot in that.”

Weird comment aside, it had been a nice hour of hanging out. The clock had barely struck two when she had cleaned up her room, outfit laid on bed, and headed to the kitchen to make food. Then, she realised a grave mistake.

This house was not prepared for a house party. She assumed Gretchen had told people to bring their own alcohol, but the trash was practically full already. She quickly made a plan: cook, dish the dishes, run the dishwasher so it would be done before any guests would arrive, run to the store and get extra trashbags, anything to minimize clean time tomorrow.

She had just set the dishwasher to a fast program when both Rodrick and Aaron came through the door, both tired. She gave Aaron a nod before walking with big steps over to Rodrick. He had disappeared into his room, but hadn’t closed his door.

”Hey, can we talk?”

He looked up, eyebrows raised. ”Sure, Barbie.”

”Whatever.” She walked in and stood by his desk, pleasantly surprised that it didn’t smell. ”I’m sorry for Wednesday night, I could’ve been.. nicer. Anyway, I’m-”

"That's all?” His tone annoyed her, and she stared daggers into his soul.

”No, as I was getting to, that wasn’t all. We have to clean tomorrow so I’m buying more trashbags for the party tonight.”

”No more apologies?”

”What more do I have to apologise for?!”

”You tell me.” He was sitting on his bed, challenging her. She took the bait, perhaps too easily.

”Fine, I’m sorry for being bitchy yesterday. Happy?”

”Nothing else?”

”No, nothing else. Jesus, I’m trying to bury the hatchet here!” Her mannerisms got bigger as her agitation grew. He suddenly stood up from his bed, his movements.. restricted. As though he was angry, and trying his best to remain calm.

She instinctively pulled back, now standing right outside his door. He didn’t even explain, just shut it right in front of her. Hard.

It was an anticlimactic sound, almost soft despite the aggression behind the action. But her body still reacted to it, her upper body bracing itself as if anticipating a slap.

”Well fuck you too,” she almost whispered, before regaining her confidence. ”CADYYYY? Do you want to come with me to the stoooooore?”

”’l’ll call Janis, I doubt the other house has everything it needs either,” Cady shouted from above.

An hour later and two bags worth of party supplies, which included cleanup bags, snacks, liquor that Janis somehow didn’t get ID’d for, and very importantly plastic cups. They had none at home, somehow.

It was also decided that they were going to cook together, and settled on vegetarian tacos since Janis didn’t eat meat. They were also going to check if the others wanted to eat.

Aaron agreed, Damian was already a yes, but both Gretchen and Karen, her friend she still hadn’t really met, said no.

For the second time that day, she approached him, this time knocking on his door. It took a longer while for him to open, and she could hear Green Day playing loudly in his room. The door swung open right as American Idiot started playing and Regina huffed at the irony.

”What?” said Rodrick.

”We’re making tacos, you want some?” Her demeanor was that of a teenager having to ask their sibling to come down for dinner. Rodrick, in contrast, let his lips slip into a coy smile.

”Sure.”

Chapter Text

The music was booming out of Gretchen’s speakers. So far, the party was contained to the right house, which meant that it would most likely be less for her and Rodrick to clean tomorrow. Good. The less time she would have to spend taking trash out to the curb with him, the better.

Avril Lavigne started playing, and her eyes found Janis. Of course she liked Complicated. It was so predictable that she could laugh. Janis made her way over, mouthing the lyrics dramatically with a beer in her hand. 

Uh-huh, that’s the way it is

”CHILL OUT, WHAT YOU YELLIN’ FOR?” It felt as though everybody was singing along, you could barely hear Regina over everyone else screaming the lyrics. But Janis didn’t need to hear her.

”LAY BACK, IT’S ALL BEEN DONE BEFORE.”

”AND IF YOU COULD ONLY LET IT BE, YOU WILL SEE!”

Damian joined in as they continued to scream-sing the entire song, but only Janis knew every word. The party had been going on for two hours now, and was nowhere close to stopping. She could feel the ever present headache making another appearance, and her thoughts started drifting to hoping she slept well tonight.

When did she start thinking like that? She almost felt like a real adult, caring about her sleep routine. But the thoughts quickly dissipated when she remembered she had yet to do a tequila shot and started searching for Karen and Gretchen.

Karen was really sweet, sweeter than Gretchen and more authentic about it, but she was.. stupid, was the simplest way to put it. But she had somehow scored an internship at the newsstation, wanting to become the weather forecaster. All Regina could do with that information was congratulate Karen, hoping she was smarter than she seemed. She had been drinking, after all.

”Girls! Tequila!”

”What?!”

She repeated herself louder, and Karen cheered as she finally caught the words. The mixtape was now playing Bye Bye Bye, the chorus coming on just as she sucked on the lemon-slice. It didn’t burn the way it used to, but she felt the headache go away just slightly.

I just wanna tell you that I’ve had enough

Might sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie

Baby, bye bye bye (oh, oh)

She was back on the dance floor, moving rhythmically between Gretchen and Karen. Janis seemed to like reacting to the lyrics more, acting them out as she danced, but this was purely moving to the beat. Something she was more used to doing. Her eyes were halfway closed, focused on the ground so she wouldn’t step on anyone’s feet, wedged between the two girls that laughed without inhibitions. The next song came on, and they all screamed the lyrics with their hands in the air.

Soon, air was all she needed. The screaming and mash of bodies had made her thirsty and hot, so she grabbed some water and went outside. The air was still warm, seeing as it was California, not Illinois. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and letting herself feel for a second.

It was easy to get a little sentimental when drunk, and memories of North Shore passed through her mind as she breathed, in, out. Although she was closer to intoxicated than drunk right now, the nearby cigarette smell a nasty odour rather than enticing. Still, her head spun slightly from the heat, and she would stay out for just a second longer…

”Boo!”

She jumped halfway off the porch before recognising the figure. Her eyes needed to adjust to the darkness to make out the tall figure, with messy hair and… was that eyeliner? ”Oh fuck off Heffley.”

”What? You didn’t find that fun?”

”I think you could tell I didn’t.”

The dick that he was, he just laughed in her face. Unfortunately, she let out a chuckle herself. It wasn’t the worst thing he had done.

”I have more stored where that came from. You know, it’s actually really easy not to play on beat and just crash around.”

”Oh spare me, please. Next time you wake me up, I’ll report you.” What little good mood they had was quickly soured over that comment, and he turned right around to walk off the porch. ”Where are you going? Hey! HEFFLEY!”

Her throat was still sore from singing, but he absolutely heard her. She was getting tired of his constant walking away and followed him along the grass. Since only Gretchen’s house had a backdoor that led to a porch, he was walking all the way to the front of theirs to get in.

”What’s got your panties in a twist?”

She didn’t know why she was following him, not really. But something was amiss - she had apologized, he hadn’t accepted it, and now he was running away from her. What a little bitch.

He opened their front door and she was right on his heels. Absolutely no one was here, but people might come over if they realised it was a viable option, so she closed the door behind her. It slammed aggressively.

”I’m talking to you!”

”Can you stop being so bitchy? ”

”What’d I do?!” They were in the living room, and his gaze was fixated on her. There was a heat behind his eyes as he spoke.

Fuck, he’s kinda hot. ”You reported me to Gretchen.”

”No I didn’t?” It was such a weird accusation that she almost laughed in his face. He had… like, really plumb lips. This was the first time she really got to look at him, have a conversation with him.

”Yes you did? Who else would’ve reported me.”

”I’m not a rat, dipshit. Perhaps you woke up the other two. It’s not impossible.”

”You really expect me to believe that?”

”Yes!” She was getting angrier again. Why did he doubt her so hard? ”But while we’re hashing this out, how about you actually clean your dishes and stop leaving fucking pans and pots on the stove. We share around here, if you haven’t noticed?”

”That’s not me, Barbie.” His arms were crossed against his chest and he leaned down slightly, letting her get a whiff of his cologne. He didn’t yet stink of sweat, but the slightest aroma of it was hiding underneath the musky scent he had applied.

”Who the fuck could it be then?”

”My bet was on you, to be honest. You don’t look like you’ve cleaned a damn thing in your life.” Her jaw fell open at his comment. She quickly closed it again, since he was right.

”So for the last week we’ve both just been making assumptions about the other? Fantastic, great start.” She took a deep breath. ”You know, I do want this living situation to work out, so if you could maybe stop being a little bitch, that’d be great.”

He laughed at the suggestion. ”That’s very rich coming from you.”

She just looked up at him, pale blue eyes fixed on his dark brown ones. This conversation was going nowhere, and yet, she wanted to keep it going. A strange sensation washed over her, and she slowly realised she had never argued with a guy before. They always gave in, before she even got to voice her frustrations.

”Why don’t you believe me? Have I given you any reason other than wanting to sleep, to make you distrust me?”

”I know your type,” he scoffed. ”You believe you’re above everything, that everything needs to go your way, and when it doesn’t you destroy people’s hea- lives.”

It was an awkward transition as he mixed the beginning of a word that sounded dangerously close to hearts with lives.

”Your aching heart doesn’t move me, Heffley. Do you want a peaceful living situation or not?” 

His eyes were still fixated on her, searching for deception. When he seemingly couldn’t find it, he finally broke off, turning his head to the side and tightening his jaw. ”Fine, yes. I do.”

”A truce, then.” She held out her hand as a show of good faith, and he reluctantly took it. ”I won’t ever report you for noise after 11pm, if you stop judging me based on your ex girlfriend.”

”She wasn’t my-”

”Does it look like I care?” She rescinded her hand, wiping it on her skirt to get rid of the feeling of his sweaty grasp. Her mind shut down all thoughts of how calloused they were, rough against her smooth skin. The motion of wiping off his sweat made Rodrick laugh, just a little.

It felt a bit jarring, getting back to the party. After managing to avoid it for the last three hours, the first guy in there tried to ask her out. A face of utter disgust was enough to shoo him away, but she quickly realised she was in the danger zone, where all the men who had gotten in very recently and were looking for one thing only were hiding. She suddenly hated her short skirt, as the men ogled her ass. She dived further in, hoping to find someone, anyone she knew.

She hadn’t noticed just how packed it was, and thought about how many people Gretchen had to know for it to be like this first week of school. Searching up and down for a redhead in the sea of blonde and brunette, feeling slightly claustrophobic, like all the air in her lungs vanished. It was so warm.

”Cady!” She had finally found her after climbing up the stairs. The redhead was sitting with Aaron on a bed, in the room furthest away from the party. Probably Gretchen’s.

”Having a good time?”

”Yeah, sure. The top looks really good on you.” The excitement over seeing her died down as she looked from Cady to Aaron, and back at Cady. What were they doing here? Talking?

”We were just talking!” Aaron held up his hands, and she got really close to laughing.

”Okay, whatever. I don’t care, I’m not a rat, no matter what Rodrick thinks.” She rolled her eyes and sat down next to them.

”Why does he think you’re a rat?” Cady looked concerned, most likely about her living situation.

”So, he woke me up two… three nights ago? I don’t remember- anyway, woke me up with a bunch of noise, and someone reported him because it was after 11, so now he thinks I did it.”

”Oh, that was me,” Aaron said, way too casually.

”Why would you do that? I fixed the problem, he turned it down,” she said, much too aggressively.

Aaron just shrugged, like all her ex-boyfriends, but didn’t say anything. Regina was starting to think the only good guy in the world was Damian.

”Great. So, I'm going to go. Have a fun little makeout sesh or whatever.” Judging by their silence, she was absolutely correct in her assessment.

The party had started out so great. She needed to find Janis, or Karen, or maybe she should just do what was actually necessary and study for classes on Tuesday. Everything pissed her off, everyone was too close, and every time someone bumped into her the rage inside her grew. Why couldn’t things just go her way? Why couldn’t people just be normal and listen to rules? It was the first fucking week, Rodrick wouldn’t hate her if he had just stayed quiet, and Aaron was on such a high horse for reporting him whilst trying desperately to hook up with Cady. They were all stupid, every last one of them.

Fuck, she needed another drink. She was nicer to people when she was intoxicated, and every last drop of alcohol seemed to have evaporated from her blood.

She made her way over to the table with drinks, having stood in a corner of the kitchen for the last few minutes. She wanted to go back home. No, she didn’t, she wanted to sleep. Get away from everyone, the deafening music, the headache that had returned, the hands trying to touch her-

”Regina?”

It was a voice she recognised. From high school. No. Fuck no. She slowly turned around, standing face to face with her old boyfriend, Shane Oman.

Chapter Text

He got his heart broken three months ago, by her. He was supposed to go to the University of Illinois. Why the fuck was he here?

She asked as much, in the kindest voice she could muster.

”I was going to tell you, but.. you had other plans, apparently.” He chuckled, and her stomach twisted at the sound. He was the only guy she had properly broken up with, with no one on the sidelines waiting. So why did she feel so bad?

”Do you wanna talk, or..?”

”Nah, nah… not the time. So uh, who do you know here?”

She raised an eyebrow. So he did want to talk. ”I live here.”

”Oh for real? I’m on the team with Aaron!” Fuck, okay, so he might come over more often. She hated that. ”How’s Kylie?”

”Fine, last time I saw her. I think she’s happy I’m not home.”

”How’s June?” Her frustration was not yet gone, and she could feel it growing as the shock was wearing off.

”My mom's fine, what’s it to you?”

”Nah, you know, just miss them. Your mom loved me.” He grinned, a stupid expression she had seen too many times. A softness she didn’t know she still had for him appeared in her stomach, and she felt as though she had too many emotions going on all at once. Everything was just so much, her body reacting as though she had drunk too much caffeine. Her very soul was fluttering inside her body, trying to get out of this party.

”I know. I’m gonna.. go.” Her gaze fell to the floor as she left him, forgetting the alcohol she desperately needed. He didn’t follow her.

She finally found Janis again, getting to dance the night away for just a bit longer. And then, her eyes lit up, remembering her disposable camera. Fishing it out of the small clutch she was carrying, Janis had a much similar reaction to her. A photo of the three of them, then one of just Damian and Janis, before navigating the dance floor to find Gretchen and Karen and get photos of them. 

Karen was making out with some guy and Gretchen made a face at the camera, before the guy noticed and posed for a new photo. Karen seemed dizzy but looked great, despite some disheveled hair. Somewhere in a corner Rodrick was making out with a brunette. They managed to get a picture of that too, with the pair not even noticing.

”I want these in my room,” Janis laughed out. She was having a good time again.

”Nuh-uh, they’re going into mine. That’s why I bought this.”

”You really want a photo of Rodrick with his tongue down someone’s throat?”

”Do you?” Regina was laughing too. Janis made such a disgusted face that Regina doubled over, holding her stomach.

”Do you think he’s good, though?”

”What?” Her laugh ebbed away, but her voice still held a jovial tone.

”Is he a good kisser? Rockstars have a certain reputation, you know,” Janis said. She was absolutely fucking with Regina.

”He’s not the lead singer, so I doubt it.” She pursed her lips. ”He’s probably only good with his hands.”

”Yeah, right. I don’t want to be played like a guitar.”

They devolved into fits of giggles, the atmosphere making them feel drunker than they were.

Regina had already forgotten the tiff with Rodrick, and the conversation with Shane.

The sun shined in through her singular window, alerting her that she had slept in way more than intended. Her mind was fuzzy, but not enough so that she forgot last night. How long has she slept? She want to bed at about 3 am, and now it was.. she turned her head, squinting at her clock. 1 in the afternoon?

She jolted awake, which worsened her headache. This one felt different, less like a pressure on her frontal lobe and more like the sides of her brain were swollen. Her only hangover symptom. Pulling on her robe and slippers, she went to the kitchen for a glass of water, which turned into several glasses. She was throwing them back like she was chugging beers, her throat dry as all hell. Slowly, she became aware of her surroundings.

Their house wasn’t bad at all. The party stayed contained to the other house, which meant all she had to do was mop, maybe dust some things off and vacuum. Which meant Janis and Damian probably needed help.

She could get away with not helping them. She really could, it was not her responsibility. And yet, she ate her breakfast quickly before changing into some ugly clothes that would become her outfit for the day. She had a trashbag in one hand and mop in the other when she traversed into the other house, seeing Damian and Janis in full swing. They stopped at the sight of her.

”What are you doing here?”

”Rodrick is at work so we can’t clean anyway. I’m helping.”

Damian looked at her like she bought a starving man food. ”How can we ever make it up to you?”

”I don’t know, do the same for me next time? I’m building rapport here.”

Alcohol and dirt stained the floor, the countertops, and there was trash strewn about. She thought it seemed like an easy job before she got a whiff from the bathroom.

”What the fuck happened in there?”

”Someone died, I think.”

She had a thousand yard stare the whole three hours, contemplating the prize of friendship. The smells, the stains, the muscles in her back crying out after scrubbing a stained carpet for half an hour, all protesting her decision to be nice. By the time they were finished and she was carrying a small bag of trash to the curb, Rodrick was finally back at the house, judgemental look on his annoying-ass-face. She audibly groaned.

”What are you doing?”

”Helping?!?”

”You’ve cleaned the whole day?” His tone annoyed her further, and she licked her lips in frustration.

”Yes.”

”I… I can take our house then.”

She dropped the trashbag by the container, not believing her ears. She looked back up at him, furious. ”Excuse me?”

”I’ll-”

”No, I heard you. Listen up.” She pointed a manicured nail straight into his chest, the familiarity she had gained with Janis and Cady somehow making its way into their strained relationship. ”I’m not letting you clean by yourself.”

There was a twinkle in his eye as his lips stretched into a smile. She didn’t know why she was analysing his features so closely. ”You don’t trust me.”

It was a statement, not a question. She huffed and removed her finger. ”Of course I don’t.”

She didn’t have an exact reason not to trust him, just a general cold feeling between them. A vague memory of yesterday evening, their conversation hazy in her mind, made her certain he had said that he didn’t leave the dishes out. That was someone else’s fault, and his room didn’t smell, so cleanliness wasn’t an issue of his. But their truce, she remembered, didn’t include anything about him not reporting her. He could tell Gretchen she didn’t clean their house, technically the truth, and he still thought she ratted him out: a motive. She wasn’t one to take risks.

So, tired and dirty, but still determined, Regina turned on her heel and walked back to their house. Rodrick followed her, and she hoped it looked like a puppy following its owner. She knew it didn’t.

Once inside, she let Rodrick stomp up the stairs and grab the vacuum among other supplies. She was nice, not merciful. Her plan was to let him do the majority of the work, whilst she maybe dusted some surfaces. She still had a pressing headache and sore muscles, it would be cruel of him to demand too much of her.

But boy, was he a cruel man.

”I’ll mop and you vacuum?”

Her jaw hung open, but she closed it out of wisdom. ”Fine. I’ll wait while you-”

”Nononono, you vacuum before I mop. Common sense.” Her eyes were icy as she grabbed the clumpy old thing meant to suck dust. Couldn’t be from the 21st century, that much she knew.

”I think I hate you.”

”Figured,” was all he said, shooting her a thumbs up. She hated that she found it funny, knowing it probably wasn’t meant to be.

It wasn’t too bad, unless you count the horribly loud noise it made. Of course the other house had a nice, sleek, new vacuum. This one sounded like a rock concert in comparison to that one's quiet purr. Maybe the difference wasn’t that bad, but in her head it was, and that was reason enough to grumble about it. For 45 minutes, she got into every little corner of every room, going into the bathroom too for safety.

When she finally got to sit down on the couch, her patience was wearing thin. Rodrick got up, shooting her a small smile.

”Warmed your seat up, Barbie.”

She scoffed at him, refusing to move to where he had sat as he prepared the mop. A feeling in her stomach, like a hole at the very top of her lungs, made its appearance.

She had a terrible, terrible secret. 2005. She had turned on the TV, like it was any other day, when she heard a.. not angelic voice by far, but attractive nonetheless. On MTV they were playing a music video, a man singing about a cheating girlfriend. Short hair ruffled hair, eyeliner, lyrics that made her think. And the very first thing she thought, before the meaning of the song really sunk in, was who would dump this man? His almost nervous demeanor in the video, combined with his emo yet sophisticated look felt like an enigma. And she really got hooked on the sound of it all.

She didn’t have a type before that. But after she bought their CD, listening to it over and over again and realising it didn’t need his weirdly appealing looks for her to be interested in it - she did. Boys who looked like failures who couldn’t do eyeliner properly.

So, as Regina sat on the couch, pretending to look at the TV as it played some boring old police drama, she secretly admired him as he worked. His undefined muscles made an appearance when he moved the mop certain ways, his hand ran through his messy black hair whenever he got frustrated or bored. His eyeliner from yesterday wasn’t cleaned away, still smudging in the creases of his eyes.

It sucked that he didn’t like her. She would’ve really enjoyed making him squirm for her approval. She shouldn’t, but she would. And she wanted to make him squirm. How much, she didn’t know yet.

Chapter Text

The next week, things started looking up for her socially. After a seminar, some girls suggested going to the mall and buying food, and she was invited.

She hadn’t thought about how hard it’d be to talk to people in university. Everyone was studious, focused on themselves and you weren’t really forced together in the same way you were in high school. Independent courses and lessons meant the pool of people constantly shifted, or they realised it wasn’t for them and they stopped coming almost immediately. But somehow, she had found a small group of women that she sat with every lesson. One of them, Annie, had suggested the outing today and she was grateful - a real chance to talk to people. Not just ask for notes when you missed something.

”Williams is… not like, the worst, but I never understand a single thing he’s teaching,” Annie commented between fries. They were eating at a place called The Burger Palace, and she had fought her tendencies and ordered what she wanted: a normal cheeseburger. It was good.

”He’s so monotone. I feel like I’m physically incapable of listening every time he opens his mouth,” said Amanda.

”He’s like a robot, especially with that vocal fry. It’s like he’s lagging.”

”I’m surprised I didn’t fall asleep, like actually.”

There were some giggles around the table, agreements, more complaints about different teachers. Lessons about what the word culture meant weren't the most exciting, nor were they a morale-booster. But complaining about it sure was.

Walking around the mall afterwards, looking at clothes in different shops, trying to keep up with conversation was refreshing. She didn’t feel like a ring leader. She felt like one of the four, with perhaps Becky being the one of higher social standing. She was from California already and seemed at home in the still-warm weather, whereas Regina was used to leaves falling in droves at this point. Becky had a natural tan and golden blonde hair, as opposed to her faint, fake tan and pale blonde hair. Like a washed out version of Becky, who was the epitome of a Californian. Was there a hint of jealousy there? Of course there was. When was she not jealous? Becky had a natural charm that spoke of a high intelligence and confidence, when Regina’s felt fake, manufactured. Fractured, next to someone that shone brighter than her. She had been quiet too long, suddenly feeling out of the loop and dejected. The refreshing feeling was gone, replaced with a hole in her stomach born from the primal fear of not fitting in.

Something broke the mental prison she found herself in. An unmistakable tune.

Was that Mr Brightside?

She spun her head and looked straight into a music store. The speakers were playing The Killers, and it was completely empty. Considering it was the middle of the day on a very normal Wednesday, that was the case for most of the stores, but this one enticed her.

”God, I forgot, I have to meet with one of my roommates soon. Buying groceries and… yeah.. so maybe I’ll just see you all tomorrow instead?”

Her goodbye was met with a chorus of farewells, leaving her with two bags of new clothes and an antsy feeling in her fingers. She needed to be by herself for just a bit, without someone better around. She needed to lose herself in music, find something to anchor herself to her new identity. The identity that wasn’t the skinniest, hottest and most charming in every room she walked into.

The store was dark, brown wooden flooring and black shelves. Rows and rows of them, separating the shop into corridors of music. At the very end there seemed to be vinyls, but she stayed in the more blocked of area that contained cd’s. Someone was behind the counter, bent down and rustling with something. She started looking around, listening to the music as it went from Mr Brightside to a woman’s voice, a band she’d never heard before. It was good, and she bounced her head to the rhythm.

”Lookin’ for anything in particular?”

Goosebumps made their way up her spine, recognising the voice. Good, someone worse than her. She turned her head and looked straight into Rodrick’s mischievous gaze. ”Of course you work here. What are you if not a walking stereotype?”

”You say that, but you’re currently holding onto In The Zone, so…”

”You have something against Britney?” She let go of the cd and crossed her arms, the shopping bags rustling by the motion. The grin on his face just widened.

”Do you always miss the point?”

”Are you always a pretentious ass?”

”Now we’re just throwing accusations around.” He held his hands up in defeat, face still smug as hell.

”Like you wanted to have an actual conversation with me,” she said, rolling her eyes.

”Well, why do you think I came up to you?”

”Because I’m a customer? Customer service and all that.” She waited a second before continuing. ”What was the song that just played? Something something second chances… don’t matter, people never change?”

”Oh, you’re interested in Paramore? So you have actual taste, Barbie, that’s nice to hear.” He stalked across the shop, going behind the counter and rustling around some more. She followed him, leaning on the counter. Her shopping bags rustled once more.

”I never said that I wanted to buy it.”

”And yet you followed me to the counter.”

She huffed, looking down at his crouched form. His face was turned away and she could only see her he top of his head.

”You do know my name is Regina, right?” She was unsure if he had ever called her by her actual name. He looked up from his crouched position on the ground, a small smile on his lips.

”I know.”

They looked at each other in silence. She managed to hold her gaze steady for a singular second before looking away, eyes searching for something less intense. Less… no, intense was the only word to describe it. Words such as attractive or warming weren't allowed to enter her mind. ”Got it. I got you a fresh copy from the box, so you know no peasants have touched it.”

”Wow, you’re so considerate, serf.” He just shook his head lightly and rung her up, store still empty. ”See you at home, I guess.”

”You’re leaving?”

”Uhm, yeah?” She took the cd and dropped it in her bag. It landed softly against a new shirt.

”So you’re not staying and getting groceries?”

”Okay, stalker alert. Don’t listen to my conversations.” She was finally able to meet his eyes again, lips stretched into a ghost of a smile.

”Stop talking so loud.”

”Oh, I’m the loud one now?”

It was enjoyable, weirdly enough. She could’ve kept on talking with him if another customer hadn’t entered, who he immediately focused on. She almost felt rejected, but pushed the feeling away and walked out. She was a customer, and she had paid. Nothing more to it.

Two days later, she was studying. Peacefully, in her room, on a day where she had no classes. In the zone, if you will, when Rodrick swung open her door and she jumped like a scared cat.

”Jesus, are you crazy? I could’ve been naked!”

”There are dishes in the sink,” he said, gaze fixated on her face. She rolled her eyes.

”There always is. Your point?”

”They weren’t there an hour ago. Which one of our roommates do you think it is?”

”That’s not even a question. Aaron. Cady might be from Africa, but she’s still a woman.”

”Cady is from Africa?” He invited himself into her room, sat on her plush pink bed. He looked like a grease stain in her perfect little room.

”She hasn’t told you? Her parents worked there like, her entire upbringing. She moved to the States for uni.”

”Hm.” He nodded, eyes searching her room.

”Are you looking for something? I’m trying to grasp the concept of celebrity status, if you don’t mind.”

”Perhaps the most Barbie thing you could study.” He was still not looking at her. She was getting annoyed.

”A celebrity is only a celebrity because people act like they are, basically. If you stop giving someone you saw in a tabloid attention, and everyone else also does it, they’re not a celebrity. Because it’s a status. And status is a societal thing. Society stops giving the status, status doesn’t exist. Something like that.”

He finally looked at her, head tilted. ”You actually study that?”

”It’s the introductory course, so yeah, I’m learning about the milquetoast of societal concepts. Are you confused by my explanation of the fact that I can actually read?”

”No, I mean, that’s something university actually teaches? Like, celebrity culture and whatnot?”

”It’s not the point of the course per say, it’s just a part of it, but yeah. Pop culture is culture, just because more people engage with it doesn’t make it not worth studying.”

”You sound like a book.”

”Great! That means I’m done studying.” She slammed her book shut, and got out of her chair. ”You gonna stay in my room, or do you want to actually do something?”

”With you?”

”Obviously not. Get out of my room.”

”You don’t want to solve the mystery of the disgusting dishes?” He was on his way out, and she was itching to close the door behind him.

”Ew, no! It’s already solved anyway.”

”But I have nothing to do!” He made a U-turn right back into her room, looking almost like a sad puppy.

”Go bother the other house dude! And get out of my room!” If she wasn’t so aware of the warmth emanating from his body, and how it clung to her like a sticky perfume, she would have pushed him out by this point. But she was moving closer and closer, their bodies only a foot apart before she decided to go beside him and out of her room, hoping he would follow.

”You gonna call your boyfriend when I leave?” He was standing in her doorway now, and she leaned on the couch, arms crossed.

”What? No. I don’t have a boyfriend, weirdo.”

”Then who was the guy you made out with last Saturday?”

She froze, arms crossed over her chest. ”Wh- what did he look like?”

”Typical jock, I think he was Aaron’s friend or something.”

”You’re shitting me. You’re actually fucking shitting me.” How did she not remember? Were the gaps in her memory that big? She had made out with her ex, that was the only plausible guy. Horrible decision, obviously, no need to comment on that. But had she actually done it? She still had Shane’s number, she could text and ask him. What had she opened?

Her horrified expression made Rodrick laugh, and she snapped at him.

”What?”

”I’m lying.”

She didn’t react. First of all, she didn’t believe him. Second, she didn’t really have time to. Her murderous stare made him double down a second later.

”I swear I was just joking!”

”Then how did you perfectly describe Shane?”

”I saw you two talking in the kitchen. Looked… hot?”

She huffed. ”It was not hot. It was heated.”

”How do you know his name then?”

”I’m so not gonna tell you that.”

He dropped it after that, but you could see he was curious. He moved closer to her, away from the doorway. Another question dropped from his lips.

”You called me a surf the other day. What does that mean?”

”I called you a serf. It’s, like… another word for slave.”

”Right. Common knowledge.”

”Whatever.” She rolled her eyes and went back to her door, ready to return to studying that she, despite what she had just said, needed. She turned around in her doorway to stare him down. ”Don’t bother me again.”

”I won’t.” He smiled in a way that made her distrustful. It was.. mischievous.

In the end, he didn’t bother her. Instead, it was her who was outside his door forty minutes later, hungry but not about to having clean up someone else’s dishes.

She managed to grumble out a singular sentence.

”You wanna get some food?”

Chapter Text

”Oh my god Reggie, can’t you come out? Just this once?” Her friend’s voice, interlaced with static, was loud over the phone.

”Grace, stop calling me that.”

The nickname grated her ears. It always had, from the moment her middle school friends had said it. When they stopped sticking around, she assumed the nickname would fall away, but it didn’t. It was probably the only consistent thing about her in high school.

”But it's Halloween oh my gooood. You’ve been so boring this year, like we’re not even allowed to come over anymore.”

She hesitated, holding the phone a little harder. ”I need to study,” she said, voice quivering.

”Yes whatever, we know. But this is Halloween!”

”You said that already. College… I need to get into college.”

”So why not just make some brace-faced nerd do your homework for you?” Colleen chimed in, her first appearance on the call. 

They didn’t get it. She didn’t just want to get into college, she wanted to have an actual shot. Dropping out, because she didn’t know how to study, would not just be humiliating. It could be the end of her life. She would then be stuck in Evanston forever, stuck in a job her father got her or married to a guy who considered her more a prize than a person.

But they kept pressuring her, and she relented. One night off wouldn’t kill her chances, she supposed, although it all felt stupid. Everything had, as of late. But she knew exactly where that feeling stemmed from: her father’s business was doing worse and he was stressed over it. Her newfound studiousness was rooted in getting away from his wrath in the long term rather than short term.

Her costume was low effort, a repeat of last years: lingerie with animal ears. This time, she was a dog. The bitch jokes were rolling in the whole night, not a single person creative enough to be original. Until someone dangled a piece of ugly jewellery in front of her face.

"Excuse me?” Her eyes went to the man dangling the chain, his smile bright.

”Thought I’d give you my dogtag. Since, y’know.”

She looked him up and down. He was wearing camouflage and a greyish-greenish hat. ”Isn’t it illegal to impersonate military?”

”Nah, you’re thinking of cops. Why don’t you keep this-” he put the long, surprisingly non-plastic chain around her neck, ”- and call me sometime, yeah?”

”And how would I do that, sir?” She was flirting with him. A dangerous game, given her track record, but one almost too easy to play.

”Let me give you a hint: that necklace isn’t just for decoration. It’s.. specially made.”

She smacked her lips, pursed them, and looked him up and down again. Sir Military Man had certainly made an impression, that was certain.

”Reggie?”

She snapped her head to the side, Janis’ voice breaking her out of whatever spiral she was trapped in. She wiped a tear from her face. ”Yeah?”

”You’re moping around at a party you don’t have to clean up, come on!” Janis gave her a hand, helping her up from the empty bench. The house they were at was positively swarming with people, you could feel the heat from the bodies from outside.

”I just needed a breather.”

”Yeah yeah whatever, I need you in there! Dancing with me, to my mixtape!”

”You managed to sneak it in?” They still held hands, Janis guiding her through the party. A familiar beat played. ”You listen to P!NK?”

”Uhm, yeah? And I didn’t ’sneak it in’, I seduced the host with my music knowledge and he let me.”

The lyrics to Get This Party Started were blasting over the mass of people. A question of whether the alcohol was the thing making her melancholy, or if that was her new state of being, bounced around in her head. She decided to ignore it, wanting the evening to feel good. Janis and Damian were reunited on the dance floor, limbs moving in a coordinated and stupid-looking dance. Corny was maybe a better word for it, and it filled her with joy as well as that ever present feeling of having no old friends anymore. That she had pushed those away years ago. Would she and Lisa have danced like that now, if they had survived North Shore together rather than apart?

It was no use speculating. It wasn’t feasible anymore, either way, so why not make the best of her current situation? She tried to join in on the corny dance moves, copying them as best she could. Damian started laughing and included her effortlessly, and a weight lifted off her shoulders. These people liked her. The past should stay the past and not be thought of anymore.

”Oh my god, Regina? Hi!”

She turned around to see Becky, hair curled and makeup done. She looked gorgeous. ”Becky? Oh, this is so fun! You look great!”

”Oh but what about you! Stunning shoes, by the way. Are these your friends?”

”Yeah I live with them. Janis and Damian.”

”HI!”

Becky shouted over the loud music, and the two greeted her back. ”This is so goddamn packed, do you want to take a breather?” Becky said into her ear.

”I was just out for one, but thanks. I’ll find you later?”

”Absolutely!”

The genuine smile on Becky’s face made her feel guilty for being so jealous on Wednesday. She probably didn’t even consider herself a leader, just was one naturally.

Stop with the self deprecating shit, it’s getting old. Just be nice.

She kept dancing. Some guy approached her, and he was cute enough. He wore eyeliner and had a buzzcut, said he was in a band, sophomore student, whatever, it didn’t matter. She’d never see him again.

They were only a few feet away from her friends when he leaned down to whisper something in her ear, and she leaned in just a little bit closer than she needed. She hadn’t been kissed in so long, and although boyfriends were off the table, one night stands weren’t. His lips graced her ear before she turned her head just slightly, to really look at him.

”What was your band called again?” Her eyes fluttered, looking down at his lips before meeting his gaze again.

”Grey Morals.” He gave her that same look, and his hands tightened on her hips.

”Concise.” Her eyes fluttered almost closed, not looking at anything in particular, leaning in for a kiss…

With the shifting lights and colours form overhead, his face was able to contort. Their lips were centimetres away from each other when a flash of red made him look.. familiar. For a second, a split second, his dark eyes ringed with eyeliner looked exactly like Rodrick’s.

It made her want to lean in more.

She shoved him back, almost pushing him into a pair right behind them. Her heart was beating out of her chest. She felt almost ill, mind racing as her feet began to move. She needed to get out and shoved past the guy, who looked less than satisfied, but he had the good sense not to follow her. She tried her best not to barge through the sea of people, gently pushing them to the side to get out.

She saw Becky’s blonde hair as she finally escaped. She was smoking by the bench and Regina approached her, heart still thumping. She was allowed to think Rodrick was attractive, but she wasn’t supposed to be attracted to him. But their current dynamic of not-quite friends, a push-and-pull she’d never really experienced with a guy before… it was addicting. And probably very bad for her.

”You out here already?” Regina sat down beside the blonde beauty.

”Yeah. I had a.. nightmare scenario in there.”

”Oooh, you maybe want to talk about it?” Becky leaned in closer and she could really smell the cigarette smoke on her breath. Regina stuttered out a laugh.

”God no, the nightmare could come out of there any second. Maybe I’ll tell you Monday.”

”Sounds like a deal.” Becky feigned disinterest for about ten seconds, taking a long drag of her cigarette, before piping up again. ”Is it about your friends? They do something?”

”Oh! No, they’re wonderful. It’s… complicated.”

”Gotcha.” She looked away, fiddling some more with the cigarette, before once again trying to pry her for details. ”You want to write it on a napkin maybe, or..?”

Regina laughed, releasing some of the tension on her body. ”Fuck, I.. I need to be quiet, but sure, I’ll tell you. I almost made out with a guy-”

”Oooh!”

”- and suddenly, he reminded me of my roommate.” She whispered the last word, although no one was sat even remotely close to them.

”Oh, ew. Ruined the moment, I bet.”

Becky took another long drag from the cigarette, unaware of Regina’s bright red cheeks. No words managed to get out, her ability to lie suddenly decimated. Noting the silence, Becky slowly turned to look at her as she exhaled a cloud of smoke.

”Don’t tell me..”

Regina moved her jaw, trying to form words. But only a strangled sound escaped her lips, and Becky smacked her arm.

”You’re kidding me! No! You liked it?”

”We don’t have to take it that far. It.. freaked me out.”

”Suuuuure.” Becky’s voice was absolutely dripping in sarcasm. ”I need to see this guy. What’s he look like?”

”You wouldn’t believe me.” Truthfully, she didn’t want to admit anything to herself at this point. A weird, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment wasn’t important enough to give this much attention. But the more she talked to Becky about it, the more real it became. Seeing Rodrick would confirm her worst fears - attraction to a loser she didn’t like all that much.

”You’re making me really curious here! Come on!”

”I can’t. I’d rather die than have him figure out-”

”Reggie! Are you out here?”

Cady’s red hair poked out of the open door, and she changed courses quickly, shooting her roommate a smile. ”I’m talking to a classmate! This is Becky!”

Becky waved back, and Cady gave a thumbs up before shouting something into the party. A face appeared behind her, for a split second, and she could feel her cheeks heating. He only looked in their direction for a moment, but the heat it filled her with made her embarrassed. What a fucking joke.

She left not long after, unable to contain the storm inside her. Confronting whatever she was feeling was not in the question, and avoiding it was the only other solution. She was betting on being able to avoid Rodrick just long enough for the weird, horrible attraction to subside.

After getting home and screaming into a pillow, the almost-kiss and trick of the lights replayed in her mind countless times. The exact moment where she saw Rodrick in that guy's face, made her stomach fill with jitters and her heart beat faster. It was horrible. She’d never felt like this for anyone ever. It wasn’t love, she was smart enough to differentiate between momentary attraction and the strongest feeling one could feel. But it was unfamiliar territory, something she knew she had never experienced before, yet still recognised on some level. The rush of emotions reminded her of something, she just didn’t know what.

She turned around in her bed, facing the ceiling. Staring blankly at the white popcorn up there. After a few minutes of trying to identify the rush she felt every time she thought back to that moment, and not coming up with anything, she sighed and put on her current pajamas. A sigh of relief over unhooking her push-up bra, gliding into a big T-shirt with a band logo on it, and hiking up her ugly grey sweats that were way too big for her frame. She slid into her fluffy slippers, threw her hair into an ugly low bun and headed for the bathroom.

She was halfway through cleaning her face when Rodrick came in. She froze for a second before continuing her routine, staring deeply into her own eyes and avoiding looking at him almost completely as he grabbed his toothbrush.

”Are you allergic to knocking?” She managed to sound snarky, somehow falling into their normal bickering despite her soul being on fire.

”The door was open, genius.”

”No it wasn’t? I heard you turn the handle.”

”I meant that it wasn’t locked.” She allowed herself to glance at him, and saw him staring at her chest, brows furrowed.

”What is that band name?”

”Uhm, stop looking at my chest?”

”No. I want to know what your shirt says.”

She had to reach over him to get her toothbrush just as he said it, and the air between them felt way too hot. She turned her body, back against the wall, to allow him to read her T-shirt and put just a few more inches between them.

”Wait, you know the Killers?”

She just stared at him, the attraction suddenly gone. ”You’re fucking with me if you think The Killers are niche or underground.”

”They’re not that popular though.”

”Mr Brightside is absolutely everywhere?”

”Yeah but you’re wearing a Sam’s Town shirt, not Hot Fuss.”

”And?”

He started brushing and just shrugged his shoulders.

She was going fucking crazy, in two ways. Trying to regain her sanity, and appear normal, she tried brushing her teeth. Unfortunately, just before she was able to, she sneezed.

Not once. Not twice. Three times, in rapid succession. Rodrick looked amused as he uttered ”bless you” after each one.

Humiliation. This is what humiliation feels like.

”I need to talk to you.”

Shane laughed. ”Weird way to start a date, babe.”

She let out a small, nervous giggle. What she was about to say wasn’t easy, and she wanted to avoid going into his house at all costs. It would be harder to leave if she did it inside.

”We’re not working out.”

His expression fell, and she felt extremely bad. He didn’t just look hurt, he looked lost, like he never could have even anticipated it.

”Why?” He seemed almost frozen in place, hand still on the doorknob, and everything came rushing out of her. She couldn’t contain it.

”I don’t like who I am when I’m with you. I feel so shallow, like who I was last year. And I think it comes from you not giving me actual attention, you don’t know me, you just show me off like a doll or a trophy and I’m so tired of it.” She need to take a deep breath, the rage she had felt for the last few days boiling over. ”I didn’t like how you acted at the party on Friday. It was the last straw. You’re.. a great guy, but you’re not for me.”

He looked so dumbfounded, still frozen in place. Jaw slack, until he finally closed it and averted his gaze.

”There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

”Jesus Christ, I just gave you a succinct description of why I’m doing this and you think I’m cheating on you?”

”I know your track record, Regina. Every other guy before me, you cheated on. Why would I be different?”

It would have been a fair point, if she hadn’t laid it out so plainly for him. Tears stung in the corners of her eyes and she crossed her arms, the rage inside her once again at a boiling point. 

”If that’s what you think of me, we never should have dated in the first place. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? You don’t listen. You don’t care.” She let her arms fall to her sides before gesticulating with them, unsure of how to show her feelings. All she knew was that they were too much. ”I’ve told you, time and time again for the last eight months about how I want to leave Illinois, leave this sorry excuse of a town behind me and go literally anywhere else and you stand there, proud as a fucking lion and tell your friends we’re going to the University of Illinois together? Together? You’re actually fucking kidding me. We were already going our separate ways. I’m just ending this before I actually cheat on you. Because you obviously think I fucking would. That’s so great, like honestly, so wonderful to hear. Love it.”

Her rant was over, and his whole family had probably heard it. She had begun almost shouting at the end there.

Shane still stood in the doorway, eyes filled with emotion. Exactly which emotion that was, was hard to identify until he shut the door in her face and turned the lock. She just turned back to her car, and drove home with Natasha Bedingfield blasting.

About halfway through was when she realised she was crying.

Over what? The spectacular failure that was her only honest, faithful attempt at a relationship, or the reputation that preceded her? She didn’t know. Maybe both. It was tears all the same.

Chapter Text

It was an hour before her first exam that she felt it. She had woken up at dawn, head fuzzy and general distaste for the world. Her temperature was higher than normal, and the only thing she could stomach was yoghurt with nothing in it. By the time she got to the school, she was already hungry. And four hours of sitting by a computer was waiting for her.

The headache set in halfway through, during the essay question. That was thankfully also the last question, but a real chore to get through. She had watched the sun rise outside of the windows to her left, every time she was unsure of a question she had looked out and seen the flurry of colours slowly transition into a pale blue. It contrasted to the fluorescent indoor lighting which hurt her eyes, which of course worsened with the headache. There was no denying it. She was sick. At the very least, she was done with most of it when it set in; she had barely two hundred words left. Unfortunately, she couldn’t come up with anything. Her thoughts cut off as soon as they started making sense in her head. It didn’t get better by the fact that she was hungry.

Her thoughts weren’t exactly ”racing”, but she was most definitely stressed. Just continue on where you left off in the last sentence. What were you writing about? Shit, what is the question even about? Has she been writing bullshit and missed the point entirely?

The paranoia wouldn’t subside and she read through her entire 1000 word essay, only to realise she had finished. Hit the word count, ended it succinctly. She could turn it in. Was it supposed to be so easy? Did you only need half the time for the exam? Whatever, it doesn’t matter even slightly, she needs to turn it in and be done with it.

With a click on her mouse, she turned in the god forsaken exam. Her headache intensified as she stood up and grabbed her ID, causing her to sway and grip the table. Her way toward the front was unstable and wobbly, but it was nice once she got into the section of people writing on pen and paper. Some poor math students that weren’t lucky enough to get computers and had to scribble out their equations, but it was a nice reprieve for her ears compared to the loud click-clack of old keyboards. She managed to hand her ID to the woman in the front who wrote her down and sent her on her way. Every single second that she now spent in the room felt like torture, like she was a walking disease, spreading it to whoever was nearest. She had to get out.

It was only when she got to her car that she realized she shouldn’t drive. Sure, it was barely 20 minutes, but her mind was fuzzy and her concentration had been better. Who could get her, though? Janis had a class, Damian felt weird to call without Janis, Cady had basically locked herself in her room and wouldn’t be leaving it for about two days, and besides, she didn’t have a license. That left Rodrick: car and therefore license, probably home, hopefully had a kind bone in his body (though she didn’t have much hope on that one).

She stared at the contact. She had stolen his number off the fridge just a week ago, after someone finally had the balls to erase Gretchen’s rules. She pressed call, held the phone up to her ear, and waited. It hurt her ear, and reminded her of just how intense the headache had gotten. Her throat was starting to really hurt.

”Mmmnnm.. this is Rodrick..” he mumbled, sounding as though he had just woken up. Oh right, it was barely half past nine.

”Hey, it’s Regina.” She mulled over how to say the next part. She hadn’t thought it through. ”Look, I’m sorry to wake you, but I’ve got this really intense headache and… I don’t think I can drive home. I’m at the university.”

Static on the other end. Fuck. ”Could you repeat that? I just woke up.”

”I’m getting like really sick and my head is fuzzy so I can’t drive home from the uni! Can you, like, please get on a bus and drive me home? I… please?” Tears were welling in her eyes, a slight panic setting in. She always got overemotional when she got sick, and this felt like a life or death situation. What if she hit someone because she couldn’t see them, ’cause the sun was too bright? Or she ran a red light? Or… fuck, she needed someone to help her get out of here. And maybe make her a grilled cheese when she got home.

It had now been maybe a minute of silence from his end. Tears had begun rolling down her cheeks. In what was perhaps the most pathetic voice she had ever managed to make, she made one last plea.

”Please, Rodrick?”

”I’m getting dressed, you don’t have to sound so.. depressed. I’ll be there in what, half an hour?”

”Really?” She hadn’t really believed it would work, and the tearful hope she felt bled into her voice.

”Yeah, of course. Don't thank me.”

He hung up on her, leaving a bleary eyed mess that was Regina. She mumbled to herself, through a small smile.

”Wasn’t planning on it.”

He looked very much like he had just woken up when he found her, curled up in the passenger seat of her car. He opened the driver’s door and sat down, holding out his hand for the key.

”Just don’t infect me, alright? I can’t be on sick leave from my job.”

”Did I wake you up?” Her throat hurt relentlessly, and she tried to talk without really using her vocal chords in order for it to hurt less, which just sounded more pathetic and breathy than before.

”Yeah, whatever.” Her eyes were undeniably puffy from crying, her head hurt even more, and she felt insurmountable guilt over having woken him up. What she wouldn’t give to be asleep right about now. She spared a look at him, only to see him looking back. ”Hey, dude, it’s fine. I’ll survive. A few instructions about campus would’ve been nice, but otherwise, don’t even worry.”

She could only nod, no longer wanting to use her voice. Everything hurt. She wanted to sleep, she wanted ice cream, she needed to read for her next course that was starting in two days. He started driving, he was a good driver, and she just couldn’t look at the road. Not ahead, not out the side window either, everything made her head spin. So she closed her eyes, and tried to focus on her breathing. Had she only been sick for a day? That couldn’t be it. She had been sick for a longer period and she was extra stressed the last week studying, only for it to really kick in during the exam. Horrible, horrible timing. She couldn’t be sick! When would she have time to be sick? Never! 

”Hey, princess, we’re home.”

She didn’t open her eyes. ”Thanks.” Her voice was still breathy, vocal chords still hurting. There was silence for a few seconds, before Rodrick opened the car door and went inside. She managed to garner her strength and open her eyes, just a little bit, seeing her keys in the ignition. She grabbed them and slowly made her way back to the house.

-

She woke up way too early the next day, freezing like it was the arctic despite being under two blankets and fully clothed down, to her fluffy socks. Her throat itched like never before, and cold water made it worse. Her head ached, she needed medicine, she needed ice cream or tea or something for her goddamned throat.

Someone knocked at her closed door, but she didn’t have the strength to answer them verbally.

”Reggie, it’s Cady! I was just wondering if you’d like some of my soup? I made a bunch last Sunday- you know, when I was hogging the kitchen? I’m gonna place some in your freezer box and one to thaw on a shelf in the fridge. Knock twice for yes? I can-”

It took longer than anticipated, but she got to the door and knocked on it, just before Cady resigned and went upstairs again.

 ”Great! It’s potato and… it’s a Swedish ingredient, I don’t know what it’s called in English. You’d be surprised how much.. not relevant. Feel better soon! And message me if you need something, I’ll make Aaron drive me to the store, okay?”

She knocked again, about two seconds away from crying. Her room was now a containment zone she didn’t want to leave, but she needed some tea. But she also wanted to lie down and sleep some more. But she wasn’t even that tired? Her head was racing, much too fast, she needed to turn it off, it was hurting again. God she wanted ice cream. She wanted just about anything to make her forget and distract from the sickness ravaging her body.

She went back to sleep.

Two hours later, she woke up again, stomach growling. She hadn’t eaten anything in about twelve hours, which was really bad for her at the moment. Moving her body was a chore, not to mention the headache she felt when she stood up, and she was so very close to giving up and starving to death. Life is pain and more pain. But she managed to slugger her way to the kitchen and grab a bowl and her yoghurt. The very thought of putting some crunchy cereal in it made her ears hurt. The normally tasty vanilla yoghurt now just tasted like the phlegm on her tongue.

”You want me to make some toast for you?”

In normal circumstances, she would have jumped at the sudden voice, but nothing really registered that fast at the moment. She slowly turned her head to look at Rodrick, who had a surprising amount of tenderness in his voice.

”You have toast?” Her voice was equally as, if not more, pathetic than yesterday. She was barely using her vocal chords to talk, letting the air flow almost unrestricted out of her throat.

”I can make some.”

”You can bake?” She furrowed her brows, which of course worsened her headache. He smiled a little.

”No, but I can toast some bread for you.”

She was not allowed to cry. Maybe in front of Cady, but not Rodrick. And yet the stupid little gesture made her eyes well up, and she nodded yes.

The sound the toaster made when the bread popped up was not very fun for her brain, but the warmness of the buttered little square of white bread made it better.

”I can make some tea for you?”

She shook her head no, gently. The idea of being babied was horrible. She didn’t know these people well enough for that.

”Thank you though.” She took a second to breathe. ”I’m gonna go sleep some more.”

”Good luck.”

Everyone was so gentle with her. Well, two people were, but one of them kind of hated her! She pushed her door open and flopped down onto her bed. She technically needed to read, but she wasn’t about to do that. Her head wasn’t functioning well enough for all that. Everything was fuzzy, and before long. She was asleep again.

The next few days had a strict schedule: wake up at first light, no matter how tired she was. Eat breakfast, often just yoghurt. Desperately wish to feel better, be unable to, take a nap. For lunch, always soup. Her taste slowly came back and she found herself enjoying the potato-whatever soup, which she didn’t know that first day. For dinner, some variety; sushi, noodles, buttered noodles, things she could make other people buy or make herself. She had never eaten so much ice cream, not moved so little, which sucked because she needed to get out and study.

On the bright side, her attraction for Rodrick had practically vanished. It was easy to then convince herself it was a temporary insanity, a prelude to her sickness. For how could she feel next to nothing for him now, when he was being kinder than ever, if she was attracted to the man?

That Saturday, as she was finally starting to enter the last stage of sickness with coughing and sneezing rather than fever and misery, someone visited. She heard the interaction through her closed door, thanks to the thin walls which were the source of misery but a month ago.

”Does Regina live here?”

”Yeah.” Rodrick’s voice sounded disinterested, from what she could decipher.

”Oh, great! I’m Becky, I’m delivering some notes that she missed this week.”

”Great, second door.”

”Thanks…”

A second later there was a knock on her door. She opened it, a blanket hung over her shoulders like a cape.

Becky’s face was lit up like a Christmas tree. ”Was that him?”

”I- who?”

”The guy with black hair, was that him?” She nodded before coughing into her arm.

”Yeah, that's him. It’s not relevant anymore though.”

”I mean, he’s.. cute?”

”He’s fine. And again, not relevant anymore.”

”Mhm..” Becky pursed her lips and shot a look into the kitchen, getting a good last look at him. ”I can’t stay long, but I’ve copied my notes for you. Oh, and I brought ice cream!” She fished up a small tub of chocolate ice cream out of a grocery bag, before taking out the notes from her bag.

”Thank you so much. I’ll repay you sometime.”

”Oh no it’s fine! It only cost like 2 dollars anyway.”

Becky turned on her heel and walked out, leaving a confused Regina, since that was obviously not what she was referencing.

She walked into the kitchen, still in her blanket, to put her newly acquired ice cream in the freezer.

”Very nice of her to drop off some notes.”

”… yeah.”

”You feeling better?”

”You’re acting, like, really weird.” She shut the freezer and turned to look at him, keeping enough distance to not cough directly in his face. ”You’ve been way too nice this week.”

”Too nice?”

”Yeah!” She had to cough before continuing. ”Like, thank you, but I didn’t even think you liked me? And yet you’ve made me toast every day, that’s kinda fucking weird.”

”I’ll stop then, yeez.” He had furrowed his brows and crossed his arms, looking up at her from his seated position.

”… I didn’t say that.” She liked the warm bread with her bland yoghurt. It was a small respite to waking up at 8 o’clock sharp when her body needed more rest, yet refused it. He sighed dramatically and stood up from the table.

”You know, being pretty doesn’t excuse being annoying as hell.”

Her eyebrows shot up on her forehead, then back down again. Her brain capacity was still not at its fullest, but she could detect a slight rosiness to his cheeks, and something that looked like regret in his eyes. It took a few microseconds more before she felt her lips pull into a smile, her first real smile this week.

”So you think I’m pretty?”

”I did not mean that.”

”Sure you didn’t.” She gave him a wink, hoping it looked friendly rather than flirty, and walked out. It felt weird, but hopefully it was because of the sickness: the usual rush of doing something ”flirty” wasn’t there. It felt almost empty, her chest, as she did it. The rush was replaced with a feeling of worry, of having stepped over the line somehow. Instead, she felt something deep in her stomach. A flicker, a twist in her gut.

He had called her pretty.

Chapter Text

Having missed a week of lectures proved to be a hindrance. She tried looking through Becky’s notes, but couldn’t focus for more than three sentences before getting bored and doing something else. It seemed she really wasn’t cut out for college, the real part of it, behind all the partying and drinking. The thought nearly made her spiral.

To be frank, she hadn’t really thought of home in a while. It was late October by now, just a week before Halloween and she hadn’t gone home once. She had barely called either, only doing it once when she was sick to update her family on her not being dead yet. And she knew, in the back of her mind, that she should: but every time it started creeping forward, reminding her that all this in California was ignorant bliss, a door would shut too hastily and too hard. Her eyes would dart, her posture would get straighter, and she’d jump just a little in her chair. No one ever saw it, she was safe in her bedroom, but it’d happen.

”Reggie?”

She sighed, loudly. Rodrick was at her door, eyes staring at her like he was a scared little dog. ”You’re not calling me that.”

”Fine, Barbie.” His gaze shifted, and it occurred to her that he hadn’t looked scared at all. The familiarity of the Barbie nickname softened her attitude and made something twist in her stomach. ”Janis wanted you for something.”

”You could've gotten there faster.”

”I really doubt that.”

Janis probably had some notes about their planned costume. Damian had insisted they go as musical characters, and she had vehemently refused, not knowing anything about ”Wicked”. Then he explained she would be dressed in pink, with a wand, and suddenly it sounded quite good. Janis was still on the fence about it and had suggested different costumes all week.

She entered the other house and Janis’ room, which looked exactly how one imagined it. Black, posters everywhere, makeup scattered anywhere it could feasibly scatter and a large stack of books. Who knew you needed that many books for art? Wasn’t that one of the easier courses?

”What about the mystery gang?”

”I’m not going as a stoner, Janis.”

”Right, but Fiyero the ladies man you’re comfortable with?” Regina was, at this point, out of the loop - but she knew one thing.

”We’re too many women for Scooby Doo. Besides, I’m not going as Velma, but Cady would obviously be Daphne.”

”Thank you!”

”I could be Scooby!” Janis added, causing a baffled stare from Regina.

”I just said I’m not going as Velma?!”

Janis sighed.

”C’mon, Wicked is perfect - Elphaba, Glinda, Dorothy OR- maybe Cady could be Nessarose?”

”Who’s Nessarose?”

”Reggie, I swear to god, do not encourage him!”

Damian suddenly gasped, obviously experiencing an epiphany. Both her and Janis turned to him.

”Disney Princesses.”

”You’re fucking kidding me Damian. Like actually.”

”Please?”

”I’d rather go as an insect. I saw this really cute bumble bee costume the other day…” Regina started, but was promptly cut off. It offended her less than it did last month.

”But that’s so boring. This is a group costume, come on! Please!”

”Fine!” Janis held up her hands, defeated. ”We’ll do Wicked. But I’m not painting myself green!”

”YES!”

Damian enveloped her in a hug, causing a smile to break out on Janis’ face. Regina cracked one too, a small one that didn’t command the attention of the room.

”Do you think we can rope Rodrick into being Boq?”

”No way, he’s probably just putting on a hockey mask and calling it a day. Besides, with her in on it, he’d probably spit at our feet.” Janis pointed in her general direction, flapping her hand around Regina’s silhouette.

The comment caused her thoughts to stop, slowly, like a train pulling on the emergency break at full speed.

”Why would he do that?”

”Don’t you two like, hate each other? Sometimes I just send him to get you because it’s funny seeing him contemplate murdering us before doing it.”

They didn’t know she had begun to kind of like him. They didn’t know how kind he had been that week when she was sick. He couldn’t hate her as much as they thought he did - but why in the hell would he play up his distaste for her?

”We’ve gotten used to each other. He’s still annoying as shit though.”

Moments of him barging into her room out of boredom, looking over her shoulder as she studied swirled around in her mind. And a feeling, shallow yet dark and uncomfortable, swirled through her. Shame.

”You really should give him a chance. He is nice, behind the rockstar-facade.”

She crinkled her nose. ”Even hearing that, I’m turned off.”

”Hey, not the kind of chance we’re talking about!”

She started laughing, although maybe a bit too hard. They didn’t seem to notice though.

”I can’t make any promises, but I’ll be nicer.”

”Is that you bidding us adieu?” She had been slowly creeping backwards towards the door for the past minute, the uncomfortable feeling settling in her body.

”Perhaps it is!”

”See you tonight though?”

”I- I don’t know. I would go out but-” she drew in air between her teeth, ”- I really need to study.”

”Yeah, of course. That’s what we’re actually here for, right?”

It was a very, very boring Friday for her. Everyone else left the houses as 7 sharp, for two different parties. She made some pasta, situated herself with a course book in the living room, and began reading.

Approximately twenty minutes later, she was watching the Princess Bride. It reminded her that Mandy Patinkin was in some relatively new crime show she’d seen maybe one episode off. It felt weird, seeing him with luscious hair in a rom-com after… that. Bald and middle aged, that is.

Through the glass pane in the door, she could spot a shadow approaching. Someone jingled their keys, and unlocked the door.

”Oh, hey.” Rodrick looked surprised to see her. His black hair was plastered onto his forehead, despite the cold weather.

”You’re.. not at a party.”

”No, uh, band practice.”

”Cool.”

Awkward silence followed, and she felt compelled to pause the movie so he could go into his room undisturbed.

”No way, is that The Princess Bride?”

”Yeah. Classic.”

”That’s like my moms favourite movie. I’ll make popcorn.”

Her heart started beating faster. Rodrick left something in his room before going into the kitchen, and she started rewinding the movie out of respect. A warmness spread across her cheeks and she refused to acknowledge it, hoping he wouldn’t notice. The sound of popcorn filled the room, as did the smell. God, she would devour them. He would probably find that both rude and disgusting.

”You didn’t have to rewind it, I know it by heart.”

”You do?”

”Uhm, yeah? You don’t?”

”Whatever.” She rolled her eyes without conviction, pressing play and trying to regain her comfortable seating position. Rodrick was on the other side of the couch, munching on popcorn. He stretched out his hand to let her take some.

She filled her hand with approximately two, intending to eat them slowly.

”What the fuck is that?”

”What?” She faced him, oblivious.

”I’m not stretching my hand out every two seconds, take some more!”

”It’s your popcorn dude.” The movie was still going, the intro with the sick boy playing.

”Yeah, and I’m offering it to you, be grateful and take some.”

”You’re so fucking dramatic. If it’s that much of an issue to you, sit closer.”

Her comment had its intended effect. He grinned widely and hopped closer, allowing her to roll her eyes before digging her hand into the popcorn and grabbing a proper fistful.

”That was you two weeks ago.”

”Oh yeah, and what were you? My grandpa reading me stories?”

”Only if you find my contributions that important.”

”No way, Cady was my grandpa. You’re not even in the picture.”

”Yeah yeah, whatever.”

The silence that followed was surprisingly tense. The movie, despite its charm, suddenly felt immature. She tried to drown out the noise by listening to him chewing the popcorn, lowering her hand to take a handful herself only to quickly withdraw it when she felt his warm skin. Her own skin burned at the slight touch.

”Have you watched this often then? Since it’s your moms favourite?”

”I mean, not much. My brothers tend to choose the movies at home lately, but I remember her watching it every Friday when we were younger.”

”You have brothers?” It suddenly dawned on her, just how little she knew about him. ”Also, every Friday?”

”I have two brothers, yeah. Little shits. And no, not every Friday, but often.”

”What’s their names?”

”Greg and Manny. It’s weird, moving here and not having to deal with them. And finally getting to experience what it’s like to have a sister.”

She paused, her whole world stopping for a hot second. Her head turned towards him. ”We are not close enough to be sister and brother.”

”I was talking about Janis, Barbie. She’s cool though, never had anyone want to share my eyeliner before.” He let out a laugh. ”If we were to get close, it wouldn’t be in a sibling way.”

”Mhm. In your dreams, idiot.”

He laughed again. It sounded like he was holding back a smirk. ”I still didn’t clarify in what way.”

”Oh right, ’cause a guy that calls me pretty surely only wants to be besties and let me paint his nails.”

”Still, your mind went there.” He was most definitely smirking. She turned around to properly face him, and got distracted by the reflection of the tv glinting in his eyes. He was looking straight at her.

”Oh my god, dumbass. You implied it. Don’t tell me you didn’t, ’cause I have a lifetime of experience of guys flirting.”

He shifted the topic quickly then. ”Do you have any siblings?”

She let him. ”A sister, Kylie. She’s.. fine. A teenager, so… yeah.”

”You sound like you hate her.”

”I do not. She’s probably just, like, wreaking havoc in my room right now. And that sucks cause I worked hard for that room.”

”Excuse me? Worked hard?” Rodrick laughed. ”What, did they have you chained up in the basement before you got it? Or under the stairs, Harry Potter-style?”

She glared at him a bit more, her next confession sounding incredibly strange the second it formed in her mind. ”I… kind of stole my parents bedroom. It- they were sleeping in different rooms already so I just kinda… swooped in, convinced them I should have it.”

Rodrick was silent for a few seconds, staring at her. Then he let out a chuckle, finally averting his gaze from her face. ”You’re a confusing person dude.”

”Oh thank you, and you’re crystal clear. See through, really.”

”I meant that as a compliment.”

That shut her up, because the meaning went way above her head. The best she could gather was that there was more to her than he had first imagined. She leant back a bit in her seat, trying not to overthink. Something hard and rectangular poked her back, startling the sense back into her. 

She had to study for her exam next week.

The book poked her harder now that she registered it, but there was an hour left of the movie. And he was just beside her - the studying could wait until later. He would probably keep her up anyway, with all the noise he made all the time.

”What’s your band called?”

Chapter Text

It’s Halloween, the only night a year you can dress like a slut without anyone judging you - outwardly. But her life is no longer just girl world in the confined space of a high school cafeteria, and the stakes have been heightened since last year. Not to mention a different friend group altogether, with a wholly different outlook on life.

She walked through the houseparty in a sparkly pink dress, convincing Damian that referencing the movie was better than referencing the broadway musical. A perfectly fine excuse that allowed her to wear her signature colour and be able to choose from a much larger section of her wardrobe. The plastic crown and wand just made it clear she was referencing something: the dress she had chosen was a short one, and it was tight enough to look painted on. She wanted to show off tonight.

The attendance had grown in size since the last party they threw, and it was no longer contained to Janis’ house. She was navigating her way to the kitchen through tightly cramped bodies, sweat clinging to her skin like a perfume. There was only one person in there she wanted to see, and the sight of him made her eyes glint with mischief.

”Oh hiiiiii Tinman, you doing good?”

Rodrick had not taken his eyes off her the entire night. Anytime she looked around, wanting to find his gaze, he was already staring. It had certainly put a little jump in her step, not noticeable to anyone else but them two.

”I was told my name was ’Boq’.”

”Mhm, but you sure look like the Tinman. Silver suits you, you know?” She was moving closer to where he was, leaning on the counter with a red solo cup in hand.

”Did you come here for punch or just to annoy me?”

”Guess.” She smirked, letting her eyes dart over him. The sides of his face was painted silver, contouring his features. He was wearing a stupid little hat that resembled something she had forgotten the name of, not having found it important enough to remember. The rest of him was low effort - a white shirt, black pants with a studded belt and fake axe. Practically his normal appearance, with just a few more silver accessories than usual. She was going absolutely insane over it, wanting to lift his shirt up and make him squirm.

”I don’t need to. I can practically read your mind by now.”

Her smirk widened. No you can’t.

She put a finger on his chest, letting her eyes follow the trail it left on his shirt. It was like playing with bait, right before biting its head off. She wanted a fight. She wanted to egg him on, get his hopes up, ruin his night. More so than that, she wanted him to stop her before she had the chance to and address the tension between them. Let her get this out of her system.

Her finger found its way to his neck, and she could feel him restraining himself under her touch. The very tip of her finger trailed its way up towards his ear, past his jaw as it flexed. He was squirming, and she didn’t even need to take his shirt off.

”What are you doing?”

She leaned in towards his ear, where her index was still stationed. ”I don’t know,” she whispered. ”I’m kinda drunk.”

He moved his head away from her hand, causing a moment of coldness in her fingers. His mouth had moved towards her ear instead, a smile disfiguring his tone. ”Don’t worry, me too.”

The smirk broke off as her body filled with warmth at his words. In its place, her lips formed a genuine smile. Then, a giggle escaped, followed by several more. She was leaned against him, giggling her head off as his arms slowly closed in around her. A light embrace, filling her face with blood and her mind with impure thoughts. His arms felt bigger than they looked like, and he wasn’t even restraining her. Just keeping his arms folded over her shoulders, making her burrow her head in his chest.

”Get off me, lest Gretchen sees,” she said through the giggles that still permeated through her. She had forgotten what was so funny.

”When did you start speaking like a vampire?”

”Since I drank the uuuuhh… moonshine or whatever.”

”There’s moonshine at this party?”

”Of course there isn’t, I’m fucking with you! I didn’t even know you knew what moonshine meant!” The laughter was coming back, filling her chest, blending together with an unprecedented level of desire for this.. this drummer. Not even guitarist? At least not a bassist.

Fuck, he was a bassist, wasn’t he? The lowest of low in band formations. At the very least, that meant less competition.

He had said something that she had completely missed. ”Earth to Regina?”

”Hmm?”

”Jesus, you’re out of it. I’ll take you to your room..”

”Absolutely not Heffley, I’m more sober than you think.”

To demonstrate her point, she walked across the kitchen in her heels without faltering. She might have swayed her hips more than was necessary.

”I just know how to have a good time. And maybe, I just don’t want to listen to you.”

”And yet you’re here, when I can clearly spot your classmate looking at us from across the party. I think you want to be here, annoying me.”

She huffed, indignant that she was so see through. ”I’m going to leave you now, and have a good time with Becky to prove why you’re wrong.”

”It only crossed your mind after I mentioned it, Barbie. You’re not proving much.”

She huffed again and turned away, walking with confidence and a sway in her hips towards Becky.

”Hi homegirllll.”

”I’m doing way too much, I’m being way too obvious, oh my god…” Her eyebrows were crinkled in despair, a deep fear of rejection surfacing. A moment later, Becky’s phrase registered, and her gaze turned back to its normal judging expression. ”Homegirl?”

”I get really weird after jello shots,” Becky giggled. The smile on her face was so deeply genuine it hurt to look at.

”It’s not something from… uuuuh…” The name of the move was on the tip of her tongue.

”Clueless. No, I don’t think so.”

”Right. I’m pretty clueless right now.” Regina smiled at her joke, before her face once again crinkled in disgust. ”Euuwww.”

”No no no, you’re fine. I just referred you.. to.. as homegirl. I’ve never said that before.”

Regina chuckled and looked around, the thought of drinking water crossing her mind briefly. Hey eyes suddenly lit up and she grabbed onto Becky’s arm.

”Have you met Janis? She’s the green witch.”

”Show me!”

They navigated the party the best they could, but there wasn’t a single emo-looking Elpheba to be seen. Concluding the others were in the next house, the two escaped into the cold night. It wasn’t the cold of Illinois, with its crunchy leaves and thick coats. This cold was like a summers night, where a light cardigan could ward off a shiver. And the two stopped, admiring the night sky of a busy California. It seemed so natural for them, that both fell silent and just listened. The cars up the road, the rustling leaves in an otherwise silent wind. Everything contributed to the drunken, midnight epiphany that escaped Regina’s lips.

”I never thought I could escape to this.”

The sentence lingered. Becky didn’t feel the need to question it at first, but perhaps curiosity killed the cat. ”Escape?”

”I thought I would always be stuck there. North Shore. That my life would be… just, parties and, fuck… breaking people’s hearts. Everyone.” She let out a laugh, trying to ease the tension in her chest. ”I had like, major control issues. Major! And I’m… I’m changed. I think.”

”Everybody changes in college.”

”You too?”

”Uhm, yeah? I actually… I went to community college before this. A whole year, just to really explore myself. It’s really nice to have no expectations - just trying courses and landing on something. You find yourself.”

”Where did you go?”

”Texas.” Becky smiled, big. ”I’ve always found cowboys hot. I didn’t see any, I just learned the harsh reality of horse manure.”

”God, that’s the worst.”

Becky laughed, loudly. The kind of laugh you had to join in on. ”I don’t know, I think it’s homely! I could go back. Made some wonderful friends.”

”Sounds reasonable. People with similar goals, same place, probably a good mix.”

”I also met the worst people ever there. There was this one girl.. no, woman. Fourty-five year old woman, with a child, and she didn’t know how to clean after herself!”

Becky went on a rant, both of them still standing in the middle of the street. And the strange conversation turned to laughter and gossip, and Regina quickly realised she was far from the worst person in the world. Not to mention, she had a whole lifetime to turn her bad qualities around. They were out there for at least ten minutes before Janis, Cady and Damian came running out, crossing over to the left house.

”Oh hey!”

”This is Becky!”

A chorus of hellos ensued. ”I’m actually still thinking of going into the other house, but it was nice seeing you all.”

”Be careful, Gretchen and Karen.. I actually don’t know how to describe what they’re doing. It’s some sort of dance battle but it’s really tense, I think they had a fight before this.”

Becky looked between them before asking. ”Who’s Gretchen and Karen?”

”Oh, you’ll know,” Damian answered. ”But there’s no alcohol left, that’s why we’re escaping.”

”I think I’ll be fine.” Becky fished a small bottle out of her purse, shaking it slightly. The sound of liquid splashing around was unmistakable.

”Good luck anyway!”

And so, Regina was drawn back into her house. The colourful group from Oz made a spectacular entrance and when everyone else beelined for the kitchen, Regina stayed behind, searching for a pair of eyes that she knew would be on her. And she found them - Rodrick was taller than most people here, and she sparkled in a very particular way tonight. It was impossible to not notice the other. Although, chalking things up to appearances was futile - at this point she knew exactly why she noticed him. And why he always noticed her was crystal clear, at least in her mind.

The night went on - and although they orbited each other, neither made contact. She was the sun, and he was a mere planet. But there was something happening, even with the distance between them. He didn’t talk to any girls. She barely talked to guys, entertaining a few to see his reaction, but never for more than a few minutes. But he caught on quickly, smirking every time someone new entered her stratosphere, knowing she wouldn’t give them the time of day. And that knowledge bothered her - it spoke of something unsaid, something she had deliberately shoved down and hid. It unsettled her more than anything, someone catching onto and actively playing the same game as her. Someone on her level.

They had skirted the unsaid boundaries of their relationship for a while now, the earlier dislike entirely gone. And this night, with all the drinking, teasing and even shared group costume, it felt… heavy. Heavy on her chest.

A funnel! A metal funnel, that is the little thing he has on his head! God, he actually looked really silly in his costume. She just started giggling over the realization, at the fact that she was feeling every horrible emotion at once over someone wearing a metal funnel on his head.

”What’s so funny?”

It was another guy, dressed as a football player. Probably just his actual costume. She calmed down very quickly from her nervous state then. ”Nothing you would get.”

”Oh try me, princess.”

”Mmmmmh,” she grimaced. ”Not dressed as a princess.”

”Like, sleeping beauty?” She shook her head. ”No? Damn, then, uuuh.. a fairy?”

She shook her head again and laughed a little. She was beginning to pay attention the the music again, until now it had been drowned out by her thoughts. But this conversation was so delightfully boring, that she was able to turn back attention to it. Michael Jackson was playing, to no one's surprise.

”No I can get it! A hint, maybe?”

”I mean, it’s from a movie. Old one.”

”Uh-huh.” The guy looked as though he was genuinely trying to figure it out, but just couldn’t. The cogs were turning, but there was no machine. It was almost cute.

She sighed. ”Glinda, wizard of Oz?”

”Aaaaaah.” He nodded, but it was obvious he had no idea what character that was. ”So, you alone of part of a group costume?”

”Group.”

”Yeahhh, that’s cute.” He nodded again, and it was starting to get on her nerves. ”So, you from around here?”

”No. Illinois.”

”Cool, cool.” A beat of silence as a song changed in the background. ”You’re really hot-”

”GEORGE.”

Her stomach dropped. That was Rodrick’s voice, behind her, angry at either her or someone named George. She hoped it was the second option.

It was not, and Rodrick grabbed her wrist in.. anger? It was a soft touch, but his voice was hard. ”George, care to explain what the fuck is in my room right now?”

”Wha-” she started, only to get cut off.

He almost dragged her across the room towards his door, that she hadn’t even seen him go in. Her eyes searched the room and found the rest of the group hopelessly watching with glasses in their hands, their faces both confused and worried. She shrugged at them, trying to play it cool. Her heart was beating out of her chest.

He opened the door and she trailed in, confused in her own right. She hadn’t done anything to him, at all. She hadn’t even been this far into his room before, and the unmistakable scent of cologne permeated it. Her heart was still beating faster than it should, but now she was angry. Nothing was amiss in here, the mess obviously self made and his precious instruments were in tip-top shape.

”What the fuck, Heffley?”

”You can’t see it? The obvious problem with my room right now?” he asked, his eyebrows rising.

”Obviously fucking not, psycho?!” She was yelling now, even though he had quieted down. She couldn’t look at him, a mix of emotions spinning around in her entire body, into her fingertips and toes.