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Karlach felt her engine flaring up. It was chronic, elevated when her stress levels got too high. And the weather wasn’t helping. Overnight, it had dropped from blazing heat to freezing cold.
Little snowflakes quickly turned into giant pillows and even blankets. It was making things feel so stiff, but maybe she just needed to get away for a day, a few moments, to keep her engine running and her would-be heart pumping. She grabbed her teddy bear, put her axe on her back, shoved her tinted glasses on her face, and set off. She didn’t even tell anyone. What was the point? Everyone was dealing with their own problems.
Choices. She had choices. Go back to Avernus, do what she did best for the rest of her life, never rest, never back down, or she could stay on the surface and know that every day she was on a timer, eating soul coins until her natural body wore down. A medication for the rest of her life. At least there, she knew the rules. Fight, protect, repeat.
Why was it so hard to be free? She didn’t want a problem-free life; that would be boring. Just a life that was hers, where she was free to choose her own path without having to speed up the clock. Have things hurt in ways a physical wound never could. However, here she didn’t have to leave everyone she cared about.
Fuck, she just wanted to ram her head into a wall; maybe her head would clear enough to think. Think, think. Why was it so hard to think?
She stopped walking. Well, damn.
Karlach didn’t realise her mind was that deep in hell. She was in the middle of the woods in a small meadow covered in snow. She looked around. How long had she been walking? Trees covered everything, and the only way she was going to get back was the fact that her feet were leaving behind a trail of snow mush.
She tossed her teddy into the snow, pulled off her axe, and fell back, staring at the blue sky outlined by trees. It was best to take it all in now. She stretched out her arms. The ground around her quickly turned to water, revealing slick grass. Of all the things, she did miss the ability to make snow angels.
Of course, there were other things she missed. People. The theater. A normal bed. Other things she couldn’t think of in the moment.
Her skin started to prickle. Someone was watching her. She pushed her glasses up on her head, slowly.
Crack.
She jumped up, axe already in hand, and raised it. “Show yourself!”
Karlach slowly turned, trying to examine every space the threat could come from, but there were too many. She quickly tried to replace her worry with anger and tightened her grip on her axe.
Suddenly, a man stepped from behind a tree, his hands held up. It was a man in a purple robe with a long beard and even longer hair. Gale.
Karlach sighed. “I could have killed you.”
“I will try harder not to scare you next time.” He stepped forward, his boots crunching through the snow. “What are you doing out here?”
“Thinking. Aren’t you cold?”
Gale pushed down her hands, gently, which were still gripping her muder-y weapon. “Not with you around.”
If Karlach could blush, she would have, even though she knew technically he was telling her the truth. Instead, her heart gave her away. It clanked and grinded. She tossed her axe aside.
Gale dug in his pocket. “I brought extra. I would rather you not die because of me.” He brought out a soul coin, or as Karlach called them, “soul cookies,” and she took it, accidentally on purpose, touching his hand. If he didn’t melt the first touch, he must’ve taken one of those flame-resistant potions.
“I brought you something else. You can have it after the cookie,” Gale said, shoving his hand- and then his whole arm- back into his pocket. She ate the cookie. “I have an amazing memory, and you said…” He was struggling to find whatever he was looking for. “You didn’t remember when your birthday was.” Gale pulled out a small box. “Then I figured since I like you, it doesn’t have to be your birthday to give you something. Just be careful. It is slightly bigger on the inside.”
Karlach was flabbergasted. “What the hell, wizard?” she shouted as he gave it to her. Gale was the worst at keeping secrets; everyone knew that. When did he have time to plan this? She opened her mouth to say something, to curse him, to do anything. How dare he? “Wow!”
“Sit down and open it.”
She sat, making more snow disappear, and opened the box. It was empty. Karlach looked up at Gale, confused. Gale sighed. “Put your hand in it. It is not going to hurt you.’
She didn’t think it would- she trusted him. Karlach put her hand in the small box, immediately feeling something solid, like a rod. She gripped it and pulled it out.
Her eyes went wide. It was an axe, but not just any axe. It was the one they were showing off at the fair a month ago, the one the whole party went to before Karlach even came to terms with liking Gale. The one that weighed well and that was made out of two different metals. The one called “The Devil’s Advocate." Karlach could cry.
“Do you like it?”
“Yes!”
“Good, because I can’t return it. I burned the receipt, and that was the most painful thing to do.” Gale sat beside Karlach as she held her brand-new axe in her lap.
Karlach’s mind was blank, and Gale must’ve sensed that because he asked, “What’s wrong? I thought you would be happy.”
“I am.” After all, Gale would know all about timers.
“Then talk to me.”
Karlach laid back down and grabbed his hand, still holding The Devil’s Advocate in the other hand. “I am afraid I won’t have enough time. What can I even do?”
“We'll do it all... everything on our own. We don't need anything, or anyone,” Gale said.
Karlach nodded. She believed him. She just needed time. “If I lay here..” She shook her head, her voice cracking. “If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?”
She needed to say it; she needed to say it now. “I don't quite know how to say how I feel; those three words are said too much, they're not enough.”
I love you. I miss you. Stay with me.
For once, Gale was quiet.
Just start over. He was listening, a voice said.
“If I lay here, if I just lie here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? “ Gale laid beside her. “Forget what we're told, before we get too old, show me a garden that's bursting into life, let's waste time chasing stars. Around our heads.” She let the axe go and prayed that he had taken enough of that potion as she rested beside him. By Hells’ fire, he was such a good person. “I need your grace to remind me to find my own…”
Was she even making sense? Did she even care? Not really? Gale deserved everything she couldn’t give him. That was the biggest choice right there. It wasn’t fair to drag him with her; it wasn’t fair for her to get his hopes up just to crush him when she died later.
It hurt too much, so Gale took the burden of speaking. “If I lay here, if I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” He murmured, taking her glasses and setting them on his face.
Was he asking her that? The answer was yes. Always. She would do anything for him and asked for nothing in return. She put her hand on his chest and snuggled as close as she could. She heard a flask open and his drinking out of the corner of his mouth, trying not to choke. More potion. Karlach let the tension in her shoulders relax. She didn’t have to make her choice right now. Right now was just for them.
More than that, she realized what she missed most of all. She missed feeling loved.
Forget what we're told.. before we get too old..Show me a garden that's bursting into life..All that I am, all that I ever was.... is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where I'm confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here...
If I just lay here...
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?