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You jolt up from where you lay, drenched with sweat, breathing uneven and hard.
You’re warm-! Too warm! But it’s winter!! You could have sworn it was winter-!
But you died! You had died!!!
You’re back-! You’re in the loops again!! You’re-!
…in your shared tent with Isa…you can hear the faint sound of the wind outside, and the sound of him snoring.
You’re okay…that was just a dream. You’re not there anymore, you’re free.
Just another dream…where you died…those have been happening too much.
You screw your eyes shut and rub your hands up and down your face. You think about trying to go back to sleep but you don’t want to. You feel restless, trying will only result in failure.
Maybe you could go outside, clear your head maybe. After you move the covers of your bedroll off, you slip on some socks and your boots and leave the tent.
Stars, that’s why you felt warm, you were in the extremely heat crafted tent with like three blankets on you.
The chilled winter wind nips at you and you close the tent as fast as possible so it doesn’t drift in. You go from burning hot to freezing in an instant, and you feel immediate relief. You make your way to one of the logs set around the now extinguished campfire.
Once you sit down, you relish in the cold wind blowing in your face. It’s probably tangling up your hair but you don’t really bring yourself to mind, it feels nice. You look up to get a glimpse of the stars, but all you can see are clouds, and the beginning of a small flurry. You can see your breath as you breathe in…and out, and you promptly close your eyes.
You let the feeling of cold flurries gently landing on your face ground you, you let the feeling of the wind faltering and then picking up again lull you. It’s the perfect combination to you, the freezing wind against the snowflakes melting on your skin. The wind smells crisp, like there’s a fire not too far away.
Stars, this is awesome.
It’s your first winter after the loops, and sitting in what it has to offer is proof to you. Proof that you’re here, that it’s not another summer, it’s not another meadow. You’re freezing, and you’re here, with your family.
It feels similar to being frozen, but it oddly comforts you? Makes you feel at ease.
You cherish this feeling while you can, before you can’t bear too much of it and have to go back into the heat crafted tent.
As you take in another breath of the chilled air, you hear footsteps. The crunch of snow and dead leaves makes you jolt.
…Oh it’s just Odile.
She makes her way towards you, her bedroll’s cover wrapped around her, she isn’t even wearing her glasses. She’s shaking like a leaf, you’d giggle if it didn’t make you feel bad. “Hi Odile.”
“Hello, Siffrin.”
Odile clears the snow on part of the log to sit next to you and she opens up the blanket on one side once she does, inviting you to warm up. Well, not really an invite, from the look on her face you don’t seem to have a choice.
You scoot closer, allowing her to drape part of the blanket around you, and you feel your cheeks darken. It’s a massive blanket, enough to cover the both of you without needing to touch, but you still find yourself flustered, maybe a little disappointed.
It…hasn’t been too long since you both talked about your relationship, whatever it is. It’s not romantic, but it’s definitely NOT platonic, that you both acknowledged as such. Sure, you both snuck out of your tents or whatever inns you stayed at to hang out even before you talked, before the loops, but it all feels different now. A good kind, one that makes you giddy.
You like being around her, you feel at peace, but then you can’t help but think back to the loops. What you said to her, how she reacted…
The guilt crushes you but you attempt to push it down, you don’t need to feel that way anymore. She forgives you, she doesn’t hold it against you.
Just…sit here and enjoy the moment, where you’re both here. You have to urge yourself to acknowledge the reality. She doesn’t hate you, she never did.
“So, Siffrin. Mind telling me why you’re outside in the snow?”
“Can’t sleep.” You shrug.
“Would you like to talk about it?”
Would you?
You sigh, no. No you have to, you promised you would be more honest about your problems. “It’s not the first time this happened but…I had a dream where we were doing something, I don’t remember what, but I ended up dying because of it, and when I woke up…I thought I was back in the loops.” Odile gives you a sympathetic look.
”And these dreams are, reoccurring?”
“Basically.”
Odile hums.
“So you came out here to collect yourself?” You nod.
“It was summer, and with the tent being hot I just- really needed to not be in there.”
“You couldn’t have at least brought anything to keep you warm?”
You smirk. “It doesn’t bother me.”
“Gems alive…” She pinches the bridge of her nose, but you can see the fond smile she’s trying to hide.
You feel her slowly bring her arm to wrap around you, and in turn you lean into her. It’s nice.
“I’m sorry Siffrin, I really wish there was more I could do.” Her voice is steady, but you can hear a hint of guilt in her tone.
If there’s anything you know about Odile it’s that she hates feeling useless, that she can’t do anything to help. As much as she pretends not to, she cares so much, and really that’s all you need.
“Don’t worry about it, I’m happy you’re here,” You nuzzle further into her, “that you’re with me…”
Actually, now that you think about it…”Why are you here?”
“I heard you.” Oh.
“Sorry, did I wake you up?”
“You did…but I don’t mind.”
You feel her lean her head against yours. She uses her free hand to pull your side of the blanket, bringing you closer toward her.
The feeling of her body heat against yours is comforting, suddenly you don’t mind being warm so much anymore. You close your eye, you feel like you’re going to drift off…
Until she softly nudges you. “Okay- no. We are not sleeping in the snow.”
“Aww…boo…” You were so comfortable…but you understand, she’s probably freezing.
Suddenly, she cups your face in her hand and leans in just a little bit closer. Lots of new touches tonight!
“Well, if you want you can sleep in my tent.” WWUH..???
Dumbfounded, “You would be okay with that…?” you utter. She nods, her tent, her tent you’re sleeping in her tent-!
After a moment, you dare to move closer until your noses are touching. You’re smiling, you’re so happy.
“I’m sorry for keeping you in the cold…”
“Hm. It’s okay I suppose.”
You both stay like that for a while, if you were closer that was no one else’s business.
And when you’re on her bedroll with her, she pulls you as close to her as she can. She cards her fingers through your hair, and you lean against her chest.
And when it’s morning, you don’t have colds.