Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Herman hadn’t always been known as Waterboy. In fact, he couldn’t even remember who’d coined the ‘official’ superhero name for him.

It could have been a reporter, a bystander or even his grandmother.

In the end he guessed it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. He’d made his off-brand debut in his late teens, dressed up in a cheap, homemade plastic suit his granny had sewn for such an occasion. It hadn’t been a grand appearance and he’d almost been arrested for illegally using his powers in a civilian zone without a heroic license or even a sponsor. Assumed a villain until someone vouched for him and they let him go with a warning.

Herm had been minding his own business that day and would have turned around when the disaster happened but the fire had been blazing hot and no firetrucks had been on scene yet. Even when the devastated owner assured the crowd gathering that no one was inside the bakery, it would have still spread to the buildings surrounding it.

The owner had been appreciative that Waterboy had put out the fire at first but of course the owner had become a lot less appreciative when he learned the insurance wouldn’t pay out because the whole building hadn’t gone up. Herman had to change the house number a few times to avoid that asshole’s harassment.

Herman also hadn’t been able to get through a full five minutes of a post-interview with nearby reporters and police officers that day, not with his stutter and avoidance of attention. People quickly lost interest in him, especially once it was learned that he was technically still underage.

Waterboy became just another dime a dozen weak ass hero that wasn’t really a hero. He was only good for very minor issues and even then he’d been ordered by the government in a strongly worded letter to keep his head down and let the real heroes do their jobs and even the strong normies held more authority over him.

Herm knew it was partially due to his past, he wasn’t stupid. Once he became ‘known’ as a person with powers the government would have been all over his history, his family and everything else.

Especially considering that his origin story mirrored a villain’s more than a hero’s.

Herman had been three years old when his mother drowned him in the family’s estate pond. Although to call it a pond was generous, it was more of a mud puddle that held a few frogs and watery plants back then.

Herm learned years later that she’d been subtly abused by her husband, mentally and physically. Nothing that could become too noticeable to outsiders, since his father had been an important figurehead in one of the larger heroic administration offices. The strain of all that abuse had caused her to snap one day when the rest of the household had been out and she’d been left alone with a child she’d never wanted and only seemed to make her husband hate her more.

Herman had been a sunny child once, full of laughter and energy. His mother had given birth to him after a handful of hurtful miscarriages. According to records and his granny, his father hadn’t been happy that Herm hadn’t been born with either of his parent’s powers. 

His father had minor telekinetic powers and could hypnosis people on a short-term basis. While his mother’s power was more nature driven in that she could control plants, either making them grow or mutate at rapid speeds.

Granny hadn’t been around much then, in fact his parents had cut her out of their lives after their marriage due to her arguments about their lifestyle and actions. 

Herman doubted she’d realized just how bad the abuse had gotten, otherwise Herman liked to think granny would have put her son-in-law in his place by booting the dick out of the house permanently before things blew up. Maybe if that had happened, Herman could have grown up with not just his granny in his life, but his mother as well.

But that’s not the way everything played out.

Herman had been cold and blue when his father had arrived home to find his wife submerging their only child under the muddy water. Herm later had the thought that his mother probably planned on joining him, but her husband had taken matters in his own hands and murdered his wife in a rage instead.

As a teenager and adult Herman often wondered if his father had done so because he’d honestly loved his son or if he’d done it because his wife had done something out of his control.

A co-worker of his father had arrived home with him that day, for what reason no one ever told Herman, but it was that person who ended up dragging Herm’s small body out of the water when his father attacked his mother.

Herman had been dead. He knew that for a fact. But by the time the police arrived, he’d been breathing on his own, even if the paramedics hadn’t been able to wake him up.

Since his parents had been indisposed, either by death or jail, he’d become a ward of the city and placed in a children’s hospital to recover. However it had quickly become apparent that Herman’s body was no longer normal.

His powers had been activated. Either by death or by the water. Officially on paper, his powers had arrived due to the severe trauma brought on by stress.

So Herman became a young, traumatized child who no longer had his parents in his life. His mother was dead by his father’s hands and his father was rotting in prison for the rest of his life because of said ‘murder’. 

Not only that but after his father had been indisposed from the workplace it became clear to a lot of people that his father had been using his powers to influence the heroes he’d work alongside with. The scandal from that tainted the family name irreparably. 

Apparently, his father had done it for money and dirty favors but Herman wasn’t too excited about digging into that bullshit and just got the cliffnotes and moved on with his life.

His father’s family hadn’t wanted to deal with him since his power seemed more inline with his mother’s and so he’d spent almost a full year in the care of several foster homes that left a lot to be desired in terms of care and safety. 

Then his granny came into his life. 

His mother’s mother had finally been contacted by a tired social worker and given the information she should have had a year ago about her only child and grandchild.

She’d wasted no time in adopting him after that, even moving closer to the city he’d been born in just so he wouldn’t have to deal with moving far away. Even with her status as an old normie, she’d taken him in and loved him. 

Herman grew up mostly adjusted. He’d gotten no guidance or support from the super human community, most likely due to the actions of his parents and his own timid nature. His powers weren’t deemed special or dangerous enough anyway.

But what no one anticipated was this - Herm preferred the indifference. While he did feel slighted, he wasn’t ashamed and made sure to regularly downplay his power as much as possible when in public.

His granny had been very frank about his parents actions and while she couldn’t help him with his powers or other problems, she was a silent support of love and acceptance.

He loved her back, as much as he could at least.

Because Herman knew he’d emerged from the waters broken. At just three years old he’d woken up from his week long coma and knew things about the world and himself that he shouldn’t.

His name was Herman. But that wasn’t really who he was, at least not fully. Not anymore. The water had shaped him now.

Water. It was always going to be water.

The official designation of his power was ‘Moist’. Which was pretty much a part of his daily life. As far as everyone was aware, he couldn’t control how much his skin leaked the clear liquid, which was partially true. He’d invested a minor part of his savings in waterproofing the house so his granny and the cats wouldn’t suffer whenever he leaked on them or the surfaces of the furniture or floor.

Strangely enough, he didn’t mind his power, not like everyone assumed. It felt natural to be moist all the time, his skin and hair never suffered for it at least. There were other health concerns but he learned and adjusted well enough with some trial and error.

Normally Herm wouldn’t pay attention to the coming and going of heroes and villains, but around the time Herm was an angsty child he’d become armored with the superhero Mecha Man Blue. At first it was because there was speculation that the Mecha Hero didn’t have any powers of his own and relayed on his body, mind and machine to even the playing field of heroics.

So even though the hero was only rumored to be only a few years older than him and possibly a third generation of the same hero, Herm looked up to Mecha Man and celebrated his wins and mourned his defeats, few that they may have been.

Herm never intended to become a hero, not a real one at any rate. His self-confidence, weak body and uncontrolled power made him a liability in the field according to everyone around him. No field office in Heroics would hire him the handful of times he applied when he reached adulthood. Only doing so because it was to be expected of him to at least try.

He’d lost more jobs than he could count because of his powers. Well that and his ability to fuck shit up without meaning too, it only made his stutter and anxiety worse when people treated him like he was a plague of ill-fortune.

While technically correct, it still stung to hear people say it without realizing how true it was.

Herman died a normie toddler and awoke as a human shaped Kelpie. 

Also - maybe a version of a siren or a freaking water golem.

But Herman wasn’t dangerously beautiful nor had he tried singing someone to death and he tended to not dive too deeply into his watery powers that mimicked a golem.

So - Kelpie.

Kelpies weren’t known to be benevolent creatures after all and there were many different versions of the mythical creatures around the world. But most would agree that the deadly water horse were literal death omens and thrived off despair while harming others. 

Herm didn’t even have to put effort in getting people upset with him now on a daily basis. All he had to do was leave a puddle here and there, ruin someone’s reports whether they be electronic or paper based, throw out someone’s lunch from the break room and more.

The despair and anger kept him fed, it also kept him from reaching out for a more fatal kind of hunger. One that Herman had smashed deep down and refused to entertain. He may be a subtle asshole, but he wouldn’t become that kind of monster.

And as long as no one ever found out, Herman wouldn’t have to test that.

Herman closed the janitor’s supply closet, making sure that he wasn’t leaving too much of a puddle right outside.

Even though Herm was now an active hero on the Z-Team, he still made time to do some of the less urgent tasks from his old job. There hadn’t been a newly assigned full-time janitor for the area after all, so who else would do the chores of taking care of the building if not him?

Things had gotten hectic around here after their success in taking down the Red Ring and their leader. They’d also gotten a lot more publicity than before so Herm made sure to keep his head down when the reporters and authority figures came to interrogate Robert and Blazer about their Phoenix Program. It had been kind of a shitshow when they started interviewing the former villains about the successes and failures of their past missions.

Chase had to literally corral them out of view of the cameras when Robert had gotten swept up in the crowd.

Waterboy had never been a villain and neither had Phenomaman. But with the both of them now being assigned to a team of former villains it meant that a spotlight had been put on them and Herm never did well with that kind of attention.

The Z-Team was pretty clogged full of members and there had been rumors of team cuts being made or reassignments. So far, Herman hadn’t heard any truth about it and Blonde Blazer and Robert were keeping mum about the gossip. Which really didn’t settle anyone’s nerves and even Herm who hadn’t wanted to be a part of the team at first was getting anxious over the thought of being cast out.

So instead of thinking about it, he went to unclog the locker room's toilets.

Humming to himself, Herman turned off more than half the lights inside the locker room while he dragged the cleaning cart behind him. It was after hours anyway and the building would be empty of staff within the hour, leaving only the emergency staff members and a lousy security guard.

So Herman would relax and zen out by cleaning. His granny wouldn’t worry too much if he arrived home later or even not at all, as she knew that he got like this at times and as long as he didn’t go a week without calling she wouldn’t report him as a missing person.

It had only happened once and everyone involved had been left embarrassed by it.

As Herm got on his knees and began to scrub the minor mildew on the base of the toilets, he thought back to the last three months and how much his life had changed. He’d come in to interview for a civilian job, hoping that due to there being multiple super powered individuals working in the building that HR would forgive his occasional leaky issues and not fire him within a week for disrupting workflow. 

Herman’s track record of keeping a stable job was less than desirable. He was now edging towards his mid-twenties and was really feeling the pressure of needing a good workplace environment.

It wasn’t glamorous but as long as he avoided the assholes, he’d liked it well enough.

Then his hero, Mr. Robert Robertson the Third had to throw in the spanner of making Waterboy a real hero.

Herman thought he’d gotten away from the possibility when the dispatcher had selected Phenomaman as the newest member of the Z-Team without having to cut anyone else out of the team. Herman hadn’t been mad that he was looked over, no matter what people liked to gossip about. 

He’d seen how depressed the superhero alien had become after his breakup with Blonde Blazer and could recognize that the alien needed something to occupy his mind and time. Being a part of the Z-Team had been good for him as the alien even smiled more often than not nowadays.

It wasn’t like Herman didn’t have an actual job after all, so if they’d picked him instead of the super powered alien then who knows what would have happened to the guy. 

The buff alien may have gone all dark side or something and then they’d all be fucked.

It wasn’t like Herman knew the man on a personal level. He’d done his best to stay out of Team-Z’s way these past few months, only interacting minorly with them and usually got insulted for doing just that much.

Usually by the fucking flaming chicken shit and his sparkly pony bitch BFF.

Herman coughed out some water and splashed the tile, washing away the suds as his mind drifted.

With a weary smirk, Herman started his ritual of badmouthing all the heroes and co-workers of his that gave him shit on a daily basis.

Really, the only co-workers that he didn’t mentally shit on were Royd, Galen and Robert. Even Blazer got a bad word or two thrown in when she was being particularly callous. Not even Grandpa Chase was spared a dirty thought or two as that old man could become a menace with his words.

There were a few other workers in the building that he didn’t really interact with, so they got a pass from his lonely rants as long as they didn’t start shit with him.

And of course Beef could do no wrong and if anyone tried shit with that pup then Herman would be forced to show that person just how unassuming the lies about him were. At least the team of misfits seemed to like the dog well enough and in fact treated the dog better than they did its owner.

Herman would take offense on Robert’s behalf if the man didn’t have such a dry wit about him. In fact if Herm didn’t know any better he’d say that Robert liked getting verbally abused by the team and responded well enough with his own dirty and assholey remarks.

Herm wasn’t one to kink shame. He’d be a fool to do so, considering some of his own preferences. Just because he didn’t have any practical experience, didn’t mean that his mind was a tame landscape.

Herm had a quick giggle at the thought of the kind of expressions the Z-Team would wear if they knew even a fraction of his thoughts and desires. While modifying, it would be extremely satisfying to horrify and shock them.

Of course he’d have to fake his death afterwards, it would only be the right course of action.

A deafening clanging noise echoed from right outside the room, startling him. Herm fell back onto his heels and cocked his head, trying to hear what had happened but other than that noise, there wasn’t anything after that. 

Maybe Royd was working late and caused a minor incident? Should Herman check or would he only be a hindrance for the larger man?

Herman was just about to get to his feet when the locker room doors flew open with a loud bang.

Herm wasn't proud of the noise he let out while his head banged against the stall wall behind him.

The pain was sharp and quick to fade, which was good as Herm quickly scrambled to his feet to see who had entered the room so violently.

Ah. Of course it would be Flambae. Slick dick was practically fuming while thin waves of heat rolled across the man’s chest like his emotions were physically manifesting. It would almost be memorizing considering that out of everyone on Z-Team, the flame villain turned hero had the most relieving costume with the wide open chest V that went all the way down to the man’s belly button.

But the man’s shit personality kind of killed his appeal. Or maybe highlighted it considering how Robert tended to act around the asshole.

Sexual tension much?

Herman smothered the snicker that graced his throat and silently left the stall. He didn’t go far, not that Flambae even noticed him, too caught up in whatever had upset him to bother looking around the room.

Herman wondered who it was that pissed in the man’s cheerios, because from where he was standing, it looked like Flambae’s anger was more aggressive than the normal amount. It was late in the evening so whatever it was either had something to do with his last hero shift or something happened when he clocked out but not left the building.

Herm only realized how dangerous his night could become if Flambae decided to take out that frustration on the guy who spotted him during such a vulnerable moment. 

He wasn’t sure how far he’d defend himself either. Verbally? He’d stutter and leak all over before running away. But physically?

He actually couldn’t remember the last time someone tried to harm him like that. Even with how rude and dick-like the Z-Team and his co-workers at the SDN got, they’d never done more than posture and threaten. A thought occurred to him suddenly and the light smirk on his face vanished.

Did…did Herm want the Flame hero to physically threaten him?

Before Herman could analyze that thought more or do something about it, the doors banged open again, startling not only him but Flambae who’d been in the process of digging something out from one of the lockers across from the bathroom area where Herm was standing.

Of course it would be Robert and suddenly Herm realized just who had pissed off the hero, if the look of angered guilt all over the dispatcher’s face was any indication.

“Chad, wait a minute. Please.” 

Oh shit. He shouldn’t be here. Not for this.

“Shut the fuck up bitch!” Flambae snarled, turning around to face the other man. “I don’t want to hear your excuses! Why would I? It’s not like we were officially an item, or some bullshit like that. Just letting off steam, remember? If you want to cozy up to Invisibitch then be my fucking guest!”

Oh yeah, Herm was dead when either of the men finally noticed him. Somehow he’d become an unwilling witness to these men’s relationship arguments, at least that’s what it sounded like so far.

Why the hell were they doing this at work? Even if it was after hours. Surely it would be better to argue about their HR violations at their private residences. Less likely to be overheard by people. 

Like now. Herm really didn’t want to be here.

That sounded like a lie in his own head and he had to forcibly turn his attention back to the argument so he wouldn’t go in a mental spiral about just why he was interested in hearing how this all played out in front of him.

“That’s not true and you know it!” Robert’s anger seemed to overwhelm his guilt. “Sure, we never actually sat down and talked out it but -”

“But what?” Flambae growled. “Look, I get it okay? Visi is a much better option. A safer option. She’s been panting after you for weeks and don’t tell me I’m making shit up because the whole office knows it.”

Oh shit that’s right. Herm recalled what happened while they’d all been celebrating their win against Shroud and his evil team. When Invisigal had been loading up into the ambulance to get treatment for her wound; that she got while taking a bullet for Robert, she’d pulled the dispatcher down and kissed him.

There had been a friendly bet going around in the building about Robert and his obvious crushes on Blonde Blazer and Invisigal. The bet mostly centered around how long it would take for one of the girls to lock the dispatcher down.

But from the sounds of it, Robert may have had a different fling with a different type of superhero. One that Herman didn’t see sharing with the likes of Invisigal or Blonde Blazer.

Damn, Herman had won the full money pot and he couldn’t even claim it because this sounded really personal and he wasn’t that much of a dick to out these chuckleheads just to get some cash.

Also, his body would probably be found burnt to a crisp or stomped into paste in some gross alley if he outed these two without permission.

“Listen, there is nothing going on between me and Courtney.” Robert insisted. “I’ll admit that there might have been some cross signals going on and that’s partially my own fault for not putting a boundary on flirting these past few months.” Robert sighed heavily, rubbing his tired face as if to sike himself up for some hard words. “It was completely harmless on my part, much like Mandy’s flirting, I know she wasn’t interested and she knew the same. Just playful words but with nothing backing it up. I didn’t realize that to Courtney it meant more than that.” 

“I’m sorry I kissed her back.” Robert said at the ensuing and judgmental silence from Flambae. “I care for her of course but only as a friend and the same goes for the rest of the gang. You’ve all become my friends and I couldn’t be prouder of the team, but I don’t have any romantic intentions with them.”

“Kiss all your friends like that, Bobert?” Flambae mumbled tiredly as he turned back to shuffle meaninglessly in his locker. There were only towels and one pair of civilian clothing inside, which was probably why the man had come in here earlier, to change out of his hero costume. “We’ve only fucked the once, Rob. You can’t call what happened between us healthy or romantic. We basically hate-fucked our aggression out.” 

“There was a lot of kissing and touching for it to just be hate-fucking.” Robert sighed but there was a weary smile sitting on his face. “I don’t hate you, Chad and I’m pretty sure you don’t completely hate me either. We have too much history between us for that to be a fact. I won’t lie and say that it didn’t surprise me that our relationship took that turn, but I don’t regret it. Any of it. Not between us at any rate.”

Jesus, Herm just wanted to smash these two idiot’s heads together and make them kiss and make-up. At this point all this was getting painful to watch.

Also…was Flambae’s real name actually Chad? What the fuck was up with that stupid ass first name? Not that Herman was much better but at least Herm owned up to the fact he was a dork. Chad liked to play up that he was better than everyone else around here.

At least Herman was secured in the fact that his love life was non-existent, Flambae didn’t sound so sure about his own status and it shouldn’t satisfy the little vindictive monster inside of him.

But it did. It was nice to see the wannabe asshole taken down a peg and made human. Herman was also secured in the fact that Robert won’t let the flame hero suffer for too long with uncertainty, not with that look of adoration in his eyes.

How had no one else clocked these two morons before?

“Chad, please talk to me.” Robert gently coaxed. “You know that I’m not dating anyone else, that includes everyone on and off the team and I figured that neither of us have been sleeping with other people since that night together. Am I wrong?” The annoyed glare that Flambae sent Robert was enough of an answer apparently because the dispatcher got a little cocky after that.

“Maybe you can tell me what you want to happen between us.” Robert continued and for some reason that was what it took to break the camel’s back with Flambae.

“What I want…WHAT I WANT ROBERT?!” Flambae screamed out as he slammed his locker closed, spinning around and getting right into Robert’s face. “I want not to be missing two of my fingers. I want my fucking front tooth back. I want to not feel like an insecure little bitch because the guy I liked who I thought was just another normie turned out to be an actual fucking real hero and didn’t bother to tell me! I want not to feel like some consolation prize, even when I know I’m not a fucking catch and you could do better! I want not to feel angry all the fucking time and for therapy to actually work on me! I want to not be on fucking fire every time I feel an intense emotion whether it be anger or even fucking happiness. I want to be someone’s first choice! I want -” Whatever Flambae was going to say next was swallowed by Robert’s mouth. Even when small flames were licking up and down the hero’s arms, Robert still touched him and probably incurred at least mild burns for his troubles.

…Herman closed his eyes. 

He’d stayed too long. Herm needed to leave now and it didn’t even matter if the two of the men saw him.

But it occurred to Herm that they didn’t have to see him. 

Herman hadn’t used the many different aspects of his powers anywhere else but inside the safety of his house. He was too afraid of someone seeing him and figuring out that he was more than he played at.

But desperate times call for desperate measures.

The two men were still making out, whispering more quietly between the two. Promises and reassurances probably. Herman honestly hoped that things would work out between the two, not only because they both deserved someone in their lives but also…they were hot together, both when they were fighting and when they went soft.

Herman wasn’t even ashamed at the thought of what he was going to do in the privacy of his own bedroom once he got home.

Herman turned his attention to his own body, concentrating.

Bubbles began to appear on his skin and he only just remembered an important fact about this power at the last second, but by then it was already too late as it fully activated.

Herman, no…Waterboy melted into a large splash. His clothes and goggles falling empty onto the tile floor, startling the crap out of the other two in the room who came over to investigate the odd noise.

But that would be Herman’s problem tomorrow. Right now he was already forming in the pond back home. His body was still translucent as if his skin was glass and his insides were nothing but water. There would be no color to him for a while, giving him the appearance of a Water Nymph. 

It was his least threatening visual in this form.

He was also naked as clothing and accessories couldn’t be transferred with him when he portal home.

The pond was the only place that he found he could transport too, it didn’t matter the distance or the location. If Herman wanted to escape, all he had to do was activate this power and he’d be home in a few seconds.

Instead of getting out immediately, Herm floated in the murky water. Tasting the algae and other pond sludge as it floated through his watery form. He was only semi-solid after all so that meant that things could technically float and swim right through his body.

Herman was lucky that he had a spare uniform at home, so he wouldn’t need to go into work tomorrow wearing wet civilian clothing while he hoped that the uniform he’d left behind would still be on the floor where he left it.

Herman wondered what the two heroes were thinking about right now with Herman’s empty suit on the floor and no signs pointing as to where he would be. He’d also left the cleaning cart and Herman flinched at the scolding he was going to receive from the head janitor tomorrow.

Oh well, better just ignore all his problems until he couldn’t. That was Herm’s motto after all.

Herman should have called in sick.

“Hey, Waterbitch. Come here for a second.” Flambae’s voice called out across the room, causing Herm to freeze in place where he’d been lifting his coffee mug towards his mouth.

When Herman had arrived at work this morning, he’d been relieved that Robert didn’t pull him aside for questions or give him a look. Instead, the man presented a professional front that almost made Herm wonder if he’d imagined the whole locker room incident.

Of course that feeling had disappeared when he’d gone into the locker room and found out that not only was the cleaning cart missing, but also his uniform. He’d discreetly asked the other cleaning staff about it but none of them had any idea what he was talking about. 

Apparently the cleaning cart was found in its proper spot inside the closet, none the worse for wear. But his hero uniform? Missing.

So, Herman may have been walking on pins and needles all day. But when nothing happened, he let his guard down. Waterboy had been sent out on assignment to a few milk-runs, nothing too strenuous or hard. He’d mostly been paired up with either Punch-Up or Malevola. Both of which hadn’t given him too much shit while they’d been on shift together.

It had been nice and Herman wondered if it would have been like this sooner if Robert had chosen him earlier, instead of going with the depressed but powerful alien. Not that Herm blamed him for his choice, it was kind of an obvious one to anyone bothering to look.

Still, a small part of Herm’s heart stung as he listened to the comradely over the headset, he hadn’t been upset before but the longer he was around the others, the more he felt.

Herman had come off shift easily enough and had just wanted to grab a quick drink before departing when Flambae had called him out.

Herman knew that it had been too good to be true for the two insightful men to let last night’s events go. Not if they truly suspected that he’d been there for at least the beginning of it.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

“Hey! Bitch, I’m talking to you!” 

Herm did the only sensible recourse when faced with an increasingly steaming hero getting into his face.

He ran.

“I’m so dead. Deader than dead. I’m practically a corpse at this point.” Herman wailed as quietly as he could so as not to draw attention. “I’m going to die a fucking virgin and not even get the satisfaction of smacking one of those dickheads in the face.” 

After running away from the break room, ignoring the concern questions being thrown his way by confused co-workers and an increasingly pissed off and startled Flambae, Herman had locked himself in the basement boiler room.

No one other than maintenance ever went down here after all and maintenance only did so every few weeks to check that things were working correctly.

None of them had found his little hideout, tucked away in one of the furthest corners of the basement.

It was like a secret base only Herman knew about and got to enjoy. The cubby area was small but just big enough for him to stretch out in and still leave a little bit of room. He’d piled up blankets and couch cushions to make the space soft and inevitable and plastered the brick walls with pictures.

Most of which were of Mecha Man and other heroes he’d come to admire over the years. Cut outs from articles or newspapers, a few hand drawn pictures as well.

He’d even printed out a large size photo of the team when they’d been celebrating their big win as a team, after he’d gotten Blonde Blazer to send him a copy from her phone.

It was the safest place for him at work when he felt like he was about to go into a full on meltdown.

And right now that was where Herman felt like he was tumbling towards as he squeezed himself tightly into a corner and tried to control his breathing. Once that was mostly under control, Herm focused on not leaking all over his blankets.

Maybe he was blowing things out of proportion. There could have been another reason as to why Flambae wanted to talk to him. Maybe Herm had accidentally thrown out another one of his food dishes or splashed cleaner over something that he shouldn’t have.

It was possible that Herman had panicked for no reason and had just painted a target on himself by reacting like he had.

Groaning, Herm leaned back and squeezed his eyes shut. He was a mess.

“Wow, so this is where you hide out when no one can find you.”

Herman’s eyes flicked open and widened at the sight in front of him. He couldn’t believe it. How in the fuck had these assholes found him?!

It was Flambae who had spoken, the hero was inspecting Herman’s safe space with curious eyes. There was still tension on his face but it was a lot more relaxed than before. Their dispatcher was standing a little further back, staring straight at Herman and only giving the space a quick courtesy glance.

While Flambae seemed more chill then his earlier anger had suggested, Robert was tense as all fuck.

“UH - what are - you shouldn’t be - please leave.” Herman’s sentences broke as it usually did whenever he spoke to anyone other than himself or his granny. “How did-?”

“Oh? Bob-Bob was waiting for us outside the break room, originally I was gonna snag you and then we all were going to have a lovely chat in his apartment, but when you ran off like a little bitch-boy he followed after you. Once he realized the general direction of where you were heading he came back around to show me.” Flambae spoke flippantly.

Herman stared at the hero with blank, uncomprehending eyes. His mind was trying to comprehend what the man was saying. Herm hadn’t noticed anyone following after him. Just because he didn’t make it a normal practice to use his powered up senses, he still should have been able to hear the footsteps and breathing of the non-powered dispatcher following him.

“What the fuck?” Herman whispered softly. “Wha - how is this - I don’t - urgh!” Herm buried his head into his knees and whined loudly. “What the fuck?” He couldn’t help but repeat himself.

“Don’t overload over there, cupcake.” Flambae sounded amused. The bastard. “We just wanted to talk.”

Herman lifted his head and glared wetly at the amused man. Noting that the man had crept closer to him without Herman realizing it. 

Of course, he’d seen Flambae in different stages of emotion during their brief moments in the same room. While anger was the most common one, Herman had seen the man’s range go from smug to vaguely upset beforehand.

But this? It was almost…teasing. Not even in a malicious way, which he would have expected of the other man. But gentler, as if the other man could tell how close Herm was to losing it.

Robert was still hanging back, but he’d lost a lot of his initial tenseness and was now observing the both of them with a fond smirk.

Seriously, what was happening? This felt more surreal than what occurred last night.

“Why?” Herm finally breathed out, uncurling slightly.

“You know why we wanted to talk to you.” Robert stated plainly. “I figured waiting until after the workday was done would be easier on all of us, but I’ll admit, I didn’t plan on you running. Your reactions today didn’t indicate that you were this freaked out.”

“I - uh.” Herman stuttered before taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling. “Same.” Seeing the confusion on both faces, Herm tried to elaborate without incriminating himself.

But he quickly realized how impossible it was as the words got stuck in his throat. Clearing his throat, Herm decided he’d be as honest as he could, after all he hadn’t technically done anything wrong. 

Closing his eyes once more, it was easier to pretend he was talking to himself and that would control his stutter.

“N-nither of you acted like I thought you would today.” Herm shrugged before nodding in the direction of Flambae. “You were just your usual asshole self and R-Robert was acting normal too so I figured I was in the clear.”

“Dude! I’m…no yeah, I’m an asshole.” Flambae agreed, reluctant amusement clear in his voice. “If you were expecting me to toast your flatass, I’m sorry to disappoint."

“Mostly because he had all night to curse you out and get it out of his system.” Robert injected. “But we kind of figured that you left once things started getting intimate, which was probably a kinder gesture than most people would have done in your situation.”

Herman sighed, overwhelmed but unable to stop muttering. “You couldn’t toast my ass anyway.”

“What was that Waterbitch?”

Opening his eyes, Herm glared at Flambae. “I’m made of water. The most you could do was boil me a little and even then I’m pretty sure that’ll feel better for me then you.”

“You're not made of water, crazy boy.” Flambae chuckled. “Robert here checked over your file before we left last night. Did you know that Coupe’s background accidentally got copied and placed into yours? That was a fun little bit of info.”

Herman turned his glare towards Robert who only looked kinda sheepish for his actions.

“I only wanted to check over your power list and noticed the discrepancy after the fact. Since Flambae here is more familiar with the other members of the Z-Team I wanted his option on the odd charges in your file. I can put in a formal request to have the criminal charges removed from the file as you're not a villain and shouldn’t have murder on your permanent work record.”

Herman wasn’t sure what to be angry about. He’d thought he’d done a good enough job making sure that his own personal history had been erased from his public file, he’d paid that mascot enough to get it done discreetly after all.

What he hadn’t expected was that furry asshole to copy and paste fucking Coupe’s huge criminal file onto his own.

Herman had thought maybe he’d get one of the lesser known heroes' bland history notes copied to him. Not one of the bloodiest assassins turned hero.

Herman wasn’t going to say any of that shit though, he’d get in even worse trouble if he admitted it had been done on purpose. Forget losing his job, he could be liable as a real criminal if found out.

“Do as you please.” Herm groaned, rubbing his eyes.

“Usually do.” Flambae smirked. “Now, let's stop pussyfooting around and talk about what the hell you heard last night while being a creepy stalker.” 

“I was not stalking! Or creeping! I was literally cleaning the tiles and minding my own business when you two dicks decided to have your spat in public!” Herman burst out in protest. Ignoring both of their startled faces Herman let loose all the words that had remained trapped in his throat since last night. “You didn’t even bother to look around to see if the locker room was empty before getting all up in each other’s faces. What do you think having a secret relationship even means?! If it had been anyone else in there you both could have been screwed!”

“How about now?” Robert asked, interrupting Herm’s rant.

“W-what?” Herman stuttered, losing steam in his justified anger and deflated in place.

“Will you be reporting us?” Robert asked bluntly. “It’s pretty clear in the handbook that personal relationships, romantic or otherwise, have to be reported to HR. Best case scenario, we both get suspended for a short while and one of us is resigned to another team. Worst case? We’re both out of a job. Hell, you might even be promoted by the administration for getting us both out. It’s no secret those dicks up top hate the Phoenix Program and all that it represents.”

Flambae winced at Robert’s words but it was Herman’s reaction that caught both of their attention.

“What the hell, Robert.” Herm growled, as all his usual timidness vanished. “I - you - fucking fuck! Just no. I literally only heard you two eggheads bitching about your situationship and I got out of t-there before I could see anything too incriminating. Your fucking welcome!” Herman continued to growl low in his throat, he could feel the vibration tickling his throat. “Even if I did see anything, I wouldn’t r-rat you out. What you two do in private is n-no one’s business. Least of all me!”

Robert stared down at him, his eyes wide and a slight blush staining his freckled face.

“Huh. Okay.” Flambae spoke, causing Herm to turn and face him. Which only highlighted how close the flame hero had gotten to him. Apparently while Herm had been chewing Robert out, Flambae had been steadily moving closer to him, so much so that the other man’s large frame was practically in Herman’s lap. Herman’s mind bluescreened at the warmth suddenly so close to him. “So, I’m guessing you heard my name? Rob here likes to use it, mostly to piss me off.”

“Uh - yeah.” Herman sputtered, his eyes darted around Flambae’s face which was only inches from his own. “Chad, right?” Herm couldn’t stop his nose from wrinkling at saying such a bland sounding name for such a spicy hero. “I guess I should r-return the f-favor? My name is Herman. Or H-Hermie. But I p-personally go by Herm - as my gran calls me Herm.”

Robert snorted. “I get your skepticism but it’s really his name.” The dispatcher knelt down nearby, not coming as closely as the other man as the space had already become too crowded for all three men to comfortably occupy the space together. “Herm huh? That’s cute. So it’s safe to say that you know we’re together then.” Robert sighed out.

Herman couldn’t stop it, the words left his mouth before he could rethink his wording. “Oh? Did you two fuck it out then? Is your petty argument all settled?”

“The fuck, Waterfreak?!” Flambae sputtered. No, this was more of a Chad moment, wasn’t it? “You want to rethink living? Also, what the fuck kind of name is Herman?”

On the other hand, Robert chuckled at Herman’s choice of words. “Yeah, after we got done freaking out about finding your empty uniform and the oddly large puddle of water, we went back to mine and properly talked it out.” Robert’s laughter grew in volume. “Also yes, we fucked it out. All night in fact. Also don’t lie Chad, you also think Herm’s a cute name.”

“What the fuck Robert!” Chad hissed, his cheeks as red as his suit. “You can’t just say that shit.”

“Oh? Which part?”

“All of it! Dipshit!”

Out of the two of them, Herman wouldn’t have thought it would be the flame hero who would be the more bashful one, especially about sexual matters.

Robert smirked at his lover’s embarrassment, clearly enjoying it as much as Herman was. So Herm decided that he’d let Chad’s dissing of Herman’s name go, especially if Robert was right and the flame hero actually did like his name and was too chickenshit to say it.

But Herm had to give him at least a little shit, now that he felt like the two of them really wouldn’t hurt him.

“Ah!” Herman exclaimed cheerfully, grinning at Chad’s unamused face. “That’s why you were a little slow in r-reacting to the morning missions. Sore?” 

“I’m gonna burn you to death now.” Chad said blandly.

“No, you won’t.” Robert snorted in amusement. The man’s attention finally slid off the two and turned to observe more of their surroundings. Herman’s face became heated as he realized that Robert could clearly see the fan service posters of his hero persona all over the walls. 

Sure, there were others, but for every one of Phenomoman or a different hero, there were at least three of Mecha Man.

Hell, Herman even had old newspaper clippings of the former villains amidst the hero articles. Including a handful of Flambae’s more impressive crimes that made the third page of the popular news rags.

Shit.

Chad’s eyes had also wandered over to the paper covered walls. “Are you sure you're not a stalker? Because sorry to say this, Wetrag. But all this looks mighty suspicious.”

“F-fans - I uh - admire - I mean I’m a fan.” Herman groaned out, ready to curl back up into a ball. Unfortunately it proved impossible due to Chad literally sitting his ass on Herm’s legs. “Harmless.”

Robert snorted, leaning forward to pat awkwardly on Herman’s thigh. “We know, he’s just fucking with you. It’s flattering actually. You really are a fan, aren't you?”

Herman groaned louder. “Please stop.”

Chad laughed, the tone only slightly mean. “We’ll circle back to your wall of weirdness later. Right now, we have more important matters to discuss now that none of us are going to rat anyone out.”

Herman couldn’t think of anything else they needed to talk about. He’d already told them he wasn’t going to tattle on them to HR or anyone else. What more could the two men want with him? It would be better for them to go back to the status quo.

His confusion must have been more than a little obvious. Because not a second later Chad went and leaned in, his breath waffled over Herman’s moist lips without actually touching. “So after Robert and I figured shit out. We had a conversation about you. That boiled down to this - if you are amendable, we’d like the opportunity to fuck you.”

…yeah. Herman was probably already dead. As there would be no other explanation for what he’d just heard from the flame hero’s mouth.

“Waterboy?” Robert inquired, concern clearly showing on his face as Herman remained non-verbal after Chad’s words. “Herman? Doing okay there, buddy?”

“Run that by me again?” Herman asked as water began to leak once more from his facial pores. “Wasn’t your whole argument about Visi kissing Robert?”

“Yeah, but that was before I learned that Robert here loves my hot ass too much to cheat on me.” Chad said proudly. “I thought Rob here would leave my ass for her ass. But apparently the dude already let her down after she’d asked him out. That’s what caused me to have a meltdown last night. I hadn’t realized how serious things had gotten between the two. Even though I now know it was one-sided.”

“Robert actually turning her down caused a bit of a tiff that I assume you haven’t heard about yet, but she’s rebounding well enough with Blonde Blazer if the late night phone call she’d give us is any indication. It’s good that she doesn’t hold a grudge since Mechabitch here told her he’s interested in pursuing someone else.”

Too much information and yet not enough. 

Also, how many couples did this make now? Punch-Up and Coupe had been exes a few months ago but Herman was pretty sure they were back together. Then there was Sonar and Malevola with their whole weird ass flirting game that no one could tell was real or not. Now, Invisigal and Blazer?

Was everyone in this department fucking each other but him?

“You do know that means that the money pot is going to go crazy now that it’s confirmed that our dispatcher is actively relationship hunting?” Herman reminded them. “Also, wouldn’t fucking me count as cheating?!”

“No, because we’d both be fucking you and we all would have consent to do so first. Also, I know that Robert won’t leave my bodacious ass for your wet noodle arms. Sharing, sure. That’s fine and even fun, but at the end of the day, I’m his boyfriend and unless something changes between us all, you’ll remain out of that part of the relationship.”

“Wow, you both really leveled up your emotional growth.” Herman mumbled, not quietly enough apparently because while Robert laughed, Chad got mildly offended by Herman’s words. 

He didn’t even mean for his words to come off as rude. Herm was actually in awe of the emotional growth of what was normally two very emotionally suppressed men. He couldn’t even imagine this three months ago when he first came in for an interview and came across Mecha Man in the waiting lobby.

Things were good. Hell, the whole Z-Team were doing so much better since Robert had been assigned them, at least according to water cooler gossip. Incidents were down, the members actually hung out together in either groups or one-on-one and no one died or got grievously wounded.

Herman didn’t want to admit that maybe Chad had a point, Herm was a little bit of a stalker. 

“So - uh, I guess - you both - um.” Herm’s eyes drifted from one man to the other. “Is this - what - bribe? Sex bribe?” 

“Eh, not really? You're cute under all that patheticness.” Chad said nonchalantly. “You don’t have to take the offer, it’s not like it’s conditional or anything.”

“You may not have been on Z-Team long -” Robert said before Chad interrupted.

“Barely a week.”

“Right, that. But both of us started working at SDN at the same time and don’t think I haven’t been paying attention. You’ve been qualified to join a hero team for a while, even before that disastrous day.”

Now that wasn’t a worrying statement or anything. Herman fidgeted as he listened. Noticing how Robert frowned after he brought up Shroud and his posse of goons, his expression had Chad reaching back to gently grab onto the man’s wrist, as if reassuring him.

Robert shook his head, dispelling whatever dark thoughts had invaded his mind. He smiled down at Chad’s grip though and powered through whatever he wanted to say.

“What I’m trying to say is that Chad is right. We’re not forcing anything and if you're not interested then there’s no harm done. We can go back to being co-workers and hopefully friends at the end of the day. Chad and I had a long talk about our expectations of our relationship, both with each other and the other members of SDN. It was a long time coming and I’m glad we got there in the end. Even if it took some jealousy and fright to get there.” Robert sent a teasing wink at Chad who just grumbled good naturally.

“We’ve joked before about other people we both found attractive and one of the names that came up on both of our lists was you.” Robert said, all calm and cool like he hadn’t broken Herman’s brain. “Chad’s correct in that we are in a committed relationship, but that doesn’t mean we can’t all have fun now and again. But that’s really only if your interested, we don’t want to fuck things up between us after all.”

“Which is why Visi is not invited.” Chad spoke up. “She’s possessive and while I myself am known to be a tad…like that, I’m trying to be true to myself or whatever bullshit Prism likes to parrot at me and enjoy the things I normally would shy from due to bullshit reasons. So ignoring all the secrecy and shit, do you wanna or not?”

Herman knew it was a bad idea. Even if it was only one time. It could complicate things not only between the three of them but the whole team. Herm could lose his job if it got out. Herm could lose his friends if things went sour.

Herman could out himself as something he wasn’t.

But the temptation proved to be too much. Herm might never get this kind of chance again. Two very hot men were interested in having sex with him? Two men that he cared for very much even if he thought one was a bitch and needed a good long spanking session?

Water protect him, he was going to say yes, wasn’t he?

“Not here.” Herman said timidly and tried really hard not to show how intimidated he felt when both men grinned hungrily at him.

It didn’t occur to Herman to inform either man that he was a virgin and hadn’t engaged in any kind of sexual conduct before.

It wasn’t a big deal to him, but he knew that society could get touchy about the subject, especially if it was coming from an adult man like himself.

It wasn’t like he couldn’t perform or anything, his dick worked fine. But he’d just hadn’t been interested in going out and finding someone that would take pity on him like that. Herman wasn’t stupid, he doubted that there would be anyone out there that wanted him romantically. 

As a kink? Sure, that would be easy enough to find. There were plenty of people out there with some kind of water or liquid kink, it wouldn’t be hard for Herman to go online for a meaningless hookup.

But the drive? The need to fuck or be fucked? Herman didn’t get that. He was fine on his own, bringing himself pleasure when the need arose and became more of a need rather than a want. 

That didn’t mean that Herm didn’t find other people attractive. He fucking worked with some of the most handsome people he’d ever laid eyes on, of course he was going to use their likeness in his fantasies.

But that's just it, he’d never gone further than fantasies. Which would quickly become apparent to the couple once things actually got heated between the three of them.

“So, boundaries? What kind of freaky-deaky shit are you into Watersports?” Chad asked as they walked into his apartment. They decided that Chad’s place was the best to go as Robert’s apartment only had a small twin bed and Herman lived with his elderly granny. Not exactly the best places to go for sexy times.

Herm choked on his own spit at Chad’s question and blushed so heavily he felt like he was the one with fire powers. Robert did the same but also smacked his boyfriend on the chest in retaliation for shocking the two of them with his crude words.

Technically, Herman was a kind of textbook definition of Watersports, although he’d never actually thought of pissing on anyone before and even now wasn’t sure if that would be something he’d be into.

“Maybe some other t-time.” Herm timidly teased back and was rewarded as the smugness disappeared from Chad’s face and was replaced with embarrassment.

Also, a little glimmer of interest? Herman decided he wouldn’t look too deeply into that, save himself from overthinking. Instead he focused on the nice apartment around him, it was clearly decorated by someone with expensive taste.

“Despite Chad’s less than stellar way of asking, we should all talk about where we go from here first.” Robert said as he walked over to the kitchen. “Does anyone else want one?” Robert offered as he pulled a chilled beer from the fridge.

Herm shook his head, wanting to keep a clear head while Chad took Robert’s offer. “Uh, I guess w-we - talk how far?” 

“Yeah, bitch. Like are you only comfortable with hands and mouth or do you want to take things further? Are you a fucker or a fuckee? I figure we shouldn’t go down the rabbit hole of hardcore kinks for a casual fuck.” Chad causally brought up as he peeled the top half of his uniform off, allowing the fabric to settle on his hips.

“Urk.” Herman couldn’t help the noise he made as his eyes locked on the other man’s body. Chad’s chest was a thing of masculine beauty, with the large and defined pecs and chest hair.

Robert sauntered over and patted Herman gently on the shoulder, as if solidarity. “I feel you bud, that’s prime meat right there.”

Chad glared at them both, offense clear on his face. “I’m not a steak Robert.”

“Yum Yum, well done.” Robert said as dryly as possible. “Just how I like my meat, burnt to a crisp.”

Herman snorted, laughing at the terrible joke, before calming himself down. They had asked him a question after all. He should have expected them to go at Herm’s pace, especially Robert. The dispatcher was too good a man not too.

Damn. Herman would have to take that big step if he wanted this night to go the way he’d hoped.

“I think I’m good with any position, although you’ll need to guide me if you want me to fuck one of you and I can’t promise my blow jobs would be any good, but I don’t have a gag-reflex if that helps.” Herman sped up his speech in order to override his anxiety. It helped keep his stutter under semi-control but the only downside to him doing so was that he tended not to think the words out before speaking.

Chad whistles, sounding impressed. “Damn, didn’t know you had it in you. But sure, sloppy bjs are fine by me. Robert’s a bit of a bitch about my oral, so there’s no casting stones here. Apparently my mouth gets too hot for him so it’ll be entertaining to see how you deal with my heat.”

A shudder caressed Herm’s spine at the thought of getting closer to that heat, it wasn’t an unpleasant thought at all.

All three men were eyeing each other, not sure where to start. Things could almost be called cozy between them all and even though the other two would deny it, Herman could tell they were unsure about him. Although he couldn’t tell if that feeling was due to the possibility of sex with a third or if it was because of Herman himself. Only time would tell.

Shit, he was the one who had to make the first move, didn’t he?

Gathering up all his courage, Herman started stripping off his uniform, right there in the middle of the living room. A small puddle was already forming at his feet, being absorbed by the carpet.

Herm took minor sadistic pleasure at the sound of twin coughing fits when the others spat out their beer all over themselves after realizing what he was doing.

With his uniform hanging low on his hips, much like Chad’s own, Herman turned around, facing one of the closed doors. “Bedroom is this way, no?”

Herman suppressed his giggles as he heard two pairs of feet trip and run after him.

Tonight will certainly be…interesting.

Tomorrow's issues would be dealt with by tomorrow's Herman while tonight’s Herman got to enjoy double the fun.