Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Euijoo was never a troublemaker. He was good in school yes, but anything other than that wasn’t meant for him. He wouldn’t even be able to ditch school if he tried. That was until he met Nicholas.

Being the exact opposite, Nicholas was rarely in school. When he was, you could catch him behind school by the fire exit, smoking like a champ. Euijoo swore his lungs could not be intact the way Nicholas used up all these cigarette boxes. He never paid attention to him nor talked to Nicholas though. Not until that one day.

Their homeroom teacher had approached Euijoo cause he knew how Euijoo was. He would do everything if it involved school. His teacher knew Euijoo wasn’t particularly interested in anything else besides school, and Nicholas was interested in everything BUT school, well at least that’s what it seemed like.

Euijoo took the papers his teacher handed him. "Please take care of this. Nicholas' parents are betting on me. And I bet on you. It would look great on your CV and Nicholas needs to pass this year. Please find him and talk to him about you tutoring him."

Without Euijoo even having the chance to protest, his teacher pat his shoulder while giving him a small smile, and left the classroom. Euijoo wasn’t really happy with this arrangement, but their teacher was betting on him, and making a good impression and having something to add to his CV was something crucial to Euijoo.

So without thinking about it he went around the school to the fire exit. The heavy smell of cigarettes indicated that Nicholas was indeed there. He was leaning against the wall, black hair laying somehow perfectly. Not doing anything other than staring at the small green field in front of him and the fence behind it that surrounded the school.

Euijoo didn’t know how to make Nicholas aware of his presence, he wasn’t really good at social interactions of any kind. So he just walked right in front of Nicholas watching him fixating his eyes on the slightly taller boy.

Euijoo was a little bit too close to Nicholas, but didn’t do anything about it. Nicholas noticed too, but didn’t seem to mind either. He raised a brow after Euijoo did nothing but just stand there, without talking.

The smoke of Nicholas' cigarette was lingering between them and Euijoo scrunched his nose. Nicholas seemed to be amused at the face Euijoo made, but didn’t expect Euijoo to take the cigarette from between his fingers, throw it on the ground and step on it. "Hey, I wasn’t done with that!"

"Smoking doesn’t suit you. Studying would." Euijoo didn’t want to waste any time. The smell of the smoke gave him a headache, even if the cigarette was already out, the smell lingered. "Our teacher wants me to tutor you. Not only him, but also your parents. I don’t care if an apparent bad boy like you doesn’t want to be tutored because you’re too cool or whatever. That doesn’t matter, I need this tutoring session for my CV and-"
"Calm down pretty boy. Who said I was going to say no?" Euijoo looked just as surprised as you would think. Not even Nicholas knew why he said that. Maybe he didn’t mind studying or being tutored if it actually helped. (Or if it was Euijoo tutoring him. Who said that?)

"Why would you give in so easily?" Euijoo pretended he didn’t hear what Nicholas had just called him, and that it did something to him. "Why shouldn’t I? You think I'm one of these people who don’t care about anything at all?" "Well then why are you never at school or at least try to pay attention to class when you’re already there?" "I think we’re not close enough for me to tell you that yet. That’s something for next time."

While Euijoo had settled on the wall right next to him, Nicholas was already pulling out the next cigarette. "You got any fire?" Euijoo had turned to him as though he had just insulted his whole bloodline. "Do I look like I smoke?" "Well you could still carry around a lighter with you, you know."

Euijoo shook his head, took his phone out and held it out to Nicholas. "Type in your number. So we can decide when I get to tutor you."

"You‘re very straight forward, you know. I wouldn’t have expected that." Nicholas looked amused, but he slowly typed in the digits and saved his number in Euijoo's phone.

When he turned to give it back, Euijoo was already waiting to take it out of his hand and put something else in it instead. The older slowly opened his hand and saw a red little piece of candy in his palm. "While candy is also bad for your health, it won’t kill you as fast as the packs of cigarettes you smoke daily. I'll text you."

With that, Euijoo left behind a smiling Nicholas who didn’t know why, but he didn’t want Euijoo to leave. He put the cigarette back in it’s package and unwrapped the candy. It was strawberry flavored, and it was almost as if Euijoo knew that strawberry was his favorite flavor.

Chapter Text

It didn’t take long until a text popped up on Nicholas' phone. "It's Euijoo. I suppose you have a lot of free time if you don’t come to school often. How about tutoring sessions on thursdays at 3?" Nicholas smiled to himself. He would have never expected Euijoo to be such a straight forward person.

He had noticed Euijoo before, I mean, who wouldn’t notice the pretty top student everyone called boring and nerdy? These rumors followed Euijoo all around school, but they seemed to bounce right back off of him. It didn’t matter if he was eating in the cafeteria with a few friends and someone walking by called him "nerd" or "teacher's pet". As long as it didn’t damage his reputation as a good student to his teachers, they could talk anything they'd want. He didn’t even acknowledge those who called him that. Nicholas found that very admirable.

Nicholas still felt bad, most of these rumors were started by his "friends". He was never with them when they did that, but he knew what they did in school. He also knew that his so called friends only "liked" him because he bought cigarettes for them or drove them somewhere since he was the only one with a car anyway. He didn’t like calling them friends, they had never really asked him anything personality related.

They didn’t seem to care what their words meant to other people. Not to Euijoo nor to Nicholas. He only ever got stuff like "How much do your parents make again?" or "I wish I was as rich as you." and "I wish my parents paid for everything like yours do." Did Nicholas really want to stay friends with them? Were these the kind of friends everyone dreamed about during their teenage years? And also, was that everything they saw him as? Was that all he was ever gonna be? His rich parents son?

He thought he had crushed his parents expectations for him long ago, he knew he wasn’t worth the trouble all along. When he was younger they had tried to force studying onto him even more, so he was surprised to see them do that rarely nowadays. Well, until they spoke to his teacher apparently. He had hoped that when he traded his perfectly ironed shirts for oversized clothing and started spending the time he previously did in his room driving around in his car, that they would finally lose all faith in him.

The first time his dad had caught him smoking outside was the first time he stayed away and spent a whole night driving around. That was also the night where he finally felt a little freed for the first time. He had found a spot where he knew no one would find him. His favorite one even up to today. That was a quiet rocky road in the middle of a field right outside his hometown. People barely passed by here, so he could be all by himself, without any expectations or nagging about him smoking.

That brought him back to the day Euijoo first approached him about the tutoring. How his face stiffened when he breathed in the smoke surrounding them behind school. How he placed that candy in Nicholas' hand because apparently it would kill him slower. How Nicholas had chuckled when he slowly chewed on the strawberry flavored candy. His favorite flavor that no one knew about. Not his friends, not his parents. But seemingly, Euijoo did.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

Euijoo's phone lit up from the notification. "Sure, pretty boy. See you on thursday." Shaking his head and refusing the little blush on his cheeks, Euijoo put down his phone and tried to continue studying.

Who just went around calling people pretty? Was he pretty? He had never heard that before. Had anyone actually noticed his appearance? He had never really cared a lot about how he looked. His hair surely must’ve looked messy. Was Nicholas saying that as a joke? Did Nicholas call everyone pretty? Had he ever looked at himself?

He had to stop thinking about this. His english homework was waiting for him. He should’ve focused on that. But his mind wouldn’t stop distracting Euijoo. Wouldn’t stop wandering off to the boy in the black clothing that called him pretty. He tightened his grip around the pencil in his hand, waiting to be used to fill sentences in his textbook with words. This would be a long evening.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

The week passed by incredibly fast. Euijoo was surprised when Nicholas actually stepped into class that morning. He hadn’t been there all week. Headphones in, head low, hood hung over his face. For a moment, Euijoo stared at Nicholas a little too long. How was he so captivating while hiding himself?
He hadn’t expected it when Nicholas smiled at him before sitting down. Euijoo shook his head once again. Did he really just casually throw a smile at him?? The bell took Euijoo by surprise, but luckily also out of his thoughts.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

When the lessons were over, Euijoo didn’t hesitate and stood in front of Nicholas' table. He had fallen asleep. Euijoo wasn’t sure for how long Nicholas had been out, but not even the noise of the other students leaving had woke him up. Euijoo hesitantly tapped his arm. Once, twice, until Nicholas stirred a little. Slowly with his eyes still shut close he peeked up at Euijoo. "Is it already over, pretty boy? Alright then just let me wake up a bit more."

It's that nickname again. The nickname that gets Euijoo speechless for a second. "No time to wake up. Let’s go find a study room before they’re all occupied." He walks out the room before Nicholas has any choice to protest, rapidly packing his bag and quietly following Euijoo.

Nicholas found it admirable how Euijoo was so neat. Everything that concerned him was perfect. His backpack was spotless, no keychain on it, no pin, hell not even a particle of dust. His clothes casual but neat, fitting for the top student. His hair fluffy but still looking adequate. It made him look undeniably pretty. That’s why Nicholas had started to call him that. Because it was simply true.

"Why do you even show up to school if you don’t pay any attention?" Nicholas snapped out of his Euijoo-trance when he sped up to walk beside Euijoo now.
"Oh and here I thought you only paid attention to the lessons and not me?" Nicholas knew how he could get Euijoo flustered. He couldn’t make out why, but he enjoyed catching Euijoo off guard. Instead of answering, Euijoo looked at him, shook his head and stormed into the next study room in sight. Luckily that one was still available, so he put his stuff down and unpacked everything he needed before waiting for Nicholas to do the same.

The room wasn’t super big, but it had a table as well as a board for Euijoo to write on. That would be enough for today. "You want to smoke one before we start? I can wait." Nicholas gave him a shocked look. Was Euijoo fine with him smelling like cigarettes and possibly filling the room up with that smell too? "You. Asking me? If I wanna smoke??? Aren’t you the one who crushed my cigarette last time because you got a headache? Why would YOU, out of all people, ask me that?"

Euijoo just shrugged. "I just thought you couldn’t go without it for an hour. At least seemed like it. How do you know I get headaches from that anyway?" Now it was Nicholas' time to shrug. They both just looked at each other, seated across from one another at the table. The tension was rising with seconds in this cramped room, just before Euijoo tore his gaze away to his textbook, ignoring Nicholas' lingering gaze that he could still feel on him. "Let's just start with English. Shall we?"

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

The two of them had agreed to do two sets of 30 minute sessions, with a 10 minute break in between that would give Nicholas some time to wind down. As soon as they were done with the first 30 minutes, Euijoo was left surprised.

"You’re actually pretty good at this. Have you ever thought about giving studying an actual chance? Fuck you might even get close to being a top student too." "Oh my god you can swear??" "Stop it now and don’t try to change the topic. I've been meaning to ask anyway. Are there any disadvantages why you won’t try to get better at school?"

Euijoo knew that maybe that question was too personal and too random to ask Nicholas during their first session, but he genuinely wanted to know what held Nicholas back. Nicholas knew that too, but there was something trustful about Euijoo. Maybe it was the way he was so neat in every aspect, and how his life was probably so neatly organized as well.

It felt like because Euijoo was so perfectly structured, that he had opened a small space for Nicholas' mess. But did he know how bad Nicholas had waited for someone to listen to him? So why would Euijoo want to know why Nicholas felt like that? Was that relevant for him? For the study sessions? He stayed quiet a little longer while feeling Euijoo's somehow fascinated gaze fixated on him. He realized that he had no choice and his neglected heart spoke before his mind could stop him:

"Ugh I guess I don’t really know. Maybe I am just too lazy. Maybe I am just the horrible person everyone wants me to be. Expects me to be. Maybe I don’t care about anything or anyone at all and just wait for these fucking cigarettes to slowly kill me. Maybe I‘m too fucking scared of trying and finding out I'm actually just as stupid as I thought, and that I realize that I‘m stuck with this stupid mind of mine for the rest of my life. To be nothing at all, to see I have nothing left to even try for. To disappoint myself and everyone around me.
So before I can find out I actually can’t do anything at all, I like to pretend to just not care to not find out. There is nothing worth studying for in this life anyway, and as far as I know all this smoke could get stuck in my lungs and soon end me."

To say Euijoo was baffled was an understatement at least. He sat there, still across Nicholas, jaw hung slightly open, his brows furrowed. He would never have guessed that Nicholas had these kind of thoughts. Why would he think that he's worthless? He made living seem so interesting to Euijoo.
Euijoo's mind was so full of thoughts he wanted to share with Nicholas that he didn’t know where to start. His own hands had started trembling because the words filling up his mind were begging to be released to the person that needed them the most. The one sitting right in front of him.

Nicholas hadn’t noticed the way he had closed his own eyes while ranting, his voice slowly breaking or that he wasn’t breathing at all. The first breath he took after felt like being saved from suffocating, but he wasn’t doing that himself. It was Euijoo saving him.

"Ok, wow. I… I think I get where you’re coming from. But let’s see, what if you get sick from all that smoking tomorrow and will never be able to know your full potential? And even if you turn out to not be great at school, what would that determine about yourself? School doesn’t last forever! School is based purely on how well you can study and learn formulas, there is so much stuff to be good at that isn’t measured at school.
For as far as I know, your whole life and career could be waiting for you after school. It could literally be right there when you take the first step out of here after graduating. Listen to me and let me say it again: Nicholas. This school doesn’t determine your worth, and you won’t die because you don’t do well in tests, but trying is knowing. Then you will surely know that school may be not for you, and something else, something better is waiting for you. Even though I know you would be able to ace school too.
The person you are already makes your life worth it. You don’t need to prove it to anyone. You are reason enough, Nicholas."

Euijoo was saving him, actively. Nicholas might not have noticed it before, but the way Euijoo stared at him now felt like he was truly being seen for the first time. That this was the first person to actually hear Nicholas out and to see where he’s coming from without making him feel small about having these worries that may seem so irrelevant. To try and hear why Nicholas had always held back, why he was afraid to do anything at all.

Years had been passing by that Nicholas was crowded with those thoughts and it only took Euijoo a minute to lighten the weight on his shoulders. Not even taking everything off of him but carrying the weight with him and offering a helping hand, even though that hand had only known him for several weeks. Something Nicholas' "friends" had been unable to do for years. They weren’t even interested in hearing him out.

They could both feel it, that these quiet moments between them in this small room had shaped them. That just saying these few words had made it possible for them to understand each other without judgement, just all open ears and careful advice. And this advice would stay. Even longer than they would in that study room. It would echo again and again to tear down this small and narrow-minded room all by itself, because for the first time in ages, Nicholas had felt safe around someone else other than himself.

Chapter Text

Euijoo noticed Nicholas immediately anywhere now. Why? Because his eyes kept on gravitating to Nicholas. Lessons? Nicholas. Hallway? Nicholas. Cafeteria? Nicholas.

It didn't help that Nicholas, whenever he saw Euijoo, started to immediately drop everything to talk to him. Not that Euijoo would mind, but a feeling bothered him. One he couldn't name yet. One that made his heart race.

He had never met someone like Nicholas, also because he rarely met any people, but he felt that there was something different about him. Something sincerer, something warmer; something inviting. It was there all the time, even if they were bickering.

The fact that Nicholas must've felt something similar too, since he was able to open up like he did three weeks ago so easily. Euijoo's mind replayed that moment often and it made him sad;

How long had Nicholas' heart been this heavy and lonely? Was there no one that dared to see him for more than a rebellious troublemaker? No one that dared to take a peek through the crack of Nicholas' mask that was so inevitably visible? Or everyone who did just pretended they didn't.

Euijoo couldn't describe it, but he felt like something pulled him towards Nicholas. Because for what reason did his eyes always wander off to him, when Euijoo was usually the best student to keep focus during the lessons?

Was it because Nicholas had opened up to him and showed him a vulnerable side he hadn't shown other people before? Did Euijoo feel needed for the first time in his life? Or did Euijoo just want to justify this unfamiliar feeling in his chest he tried to pretend he didn't notice?

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

There they were again - but it wasn't Thursday. No, it really wasn't. They had started to hang out outside of their tutoring sessions, well if you could call it a hangout.

Often Euijoo read or studied while Nicholas did whatever - scroll on his phone, watch Euijoo, study with him (rare) or draw something on the board. Euijoo had once complimented his drawing and he wouldn’t have expected it, but Nicholas had blushed before waving him off with a rather quiet and embarrassed "focus on your book, pretty."

Since they saw each other basically every day Euijoo had decided that today he would bring the whole bag of candy along - instead of only the strawberry ones for Nicholas. What was why Nicholas had caused a big scene earlier when he walked in on Euijoo casually eating the orange flavored ones.

"There are other flavored candies in that bag???"

Euijoo glanced up from the table. That table where the candy was almost neatly organized by Euijoo - the orange ones on his side and the strawberry ones on Nicholas' side.

"Why are you so surprised? Yes there are orange flavored ones."

Nicholas looked even more offended now, if that was even possible. "And why would you always give me the strawberry ones??“

Euijoo just shrugged and focused back on finishing to organize the candy. "Because I like the orange ones and you didn’t seem to mind." "Well maybe because I didn't know there was another flavor dude???"

Nicholas sat down across from him, throwing his backpack on the ground with a loud thud for an even more dramatic effect. He stared at Euijoo wide-eyed. If it wasn't for his bad boy image, he was pretty dramatic.

It stayed like that until Euijoo fully looked up at him. "What do you want me to do? Should I give you the orange ones?" Nicholas stayed quiet for a few moments. No, he shouldn't. Nicholas liked the strawberry ones. The silence and Euijoo's raised eyebrow stretched long before Nicholas could mumble out a "Whatever" while he reached for a strawberry candy.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

He did it. He dared to grab an orange candy. Well - almost. Euijoo was holding Nicholas' wrist now, it was almost like a movie scene.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Trying the orange ones? I will never know if I like them if I never try."

"Nichol."

"Hm?"

Nicholas was screaming inside.

"I draw the line at oranges. You should know that. This is the only free pass you'll get."

Nicholas started to clearly feel Euijoo's hand on his wrist now. It was warm and it felt right but before he could further think about it, Euijoo pulled back and was immediately fully immersed in his book again.

Nicholas smiled. Orange was good, but not as good as strawberry. While he enjoyed the candy, his gaze wandered to the boy in front of him. Nicholas' mind drifted off with his chin in his hands, like they had to keep the chaos in his head steady.

He was unsure why people did not approach Euijoo. Of course he wasn't the easiest to figure out how to be spoken to, but once you got a hold of his mind, and accepted that he was how he was - you could not possibly get out of that ever.

The warmth he carried, the comfort he gave Nicholas. Not only that, but he had told Nicholas a bit about his interests. He did have a personality and he could be interesting, if people just tried to get along with him.

He didn't know why people spread rumors about him, he didn't get involved with anyone, not positive nor negative. It made him sick that his old "friends" did that as well. Euijoo was perfectly fine as he was.

Euijoo told him how he liked to build lego in his free time, having accumulated a small collection, as well as fencing. Something he had barely wanted to mention, but Nicholas beat him to it. Nicholas pressed for answers - Euijoo couldn't say no. Euijoo explained that his parents thought it was taking up too much of his time - time he could use to study.

Which was also why he was so focused on school and having good grades. It made sense, didn't it? He had to give up something he so dearly cherished. Of course he would give his all when it came to school.

He also told him how much he missed it. The feeling of the blade in his hands, the way the uniform that once annoyed him, was now something he was missing entirely.

So, Nicholas was wondering. Euijoo was such a complex, pretty person. Not only emotionally, but definitely lookwise too. There was a reason Nicholas called Euijoo pretty. How come no one had tried to hit on him or try to befriend him? What was wrong with them?

His big shiny eyes that were ever so noticeable. His clean but perfect hair and the way it fell on his face - like Euijoo never had to figure out how to cope with it, it just worked with him. God - Nicholas was really done for.

And before he could hold it back, Nicholas spoke.

"I don't understand how you’re not popular, Juju." At first, Euijoo raised his head just slightly, still invested in whatever he was reading at that moment. "What do you mean?" It was just a casual throw-back question, but when Nicholas didn't answer him, Euijoo raised his head fully.

Nicholas could practically hear his brows furrowing the way they met in the middle of his face. He knew Euijoo hated it when people didn't answer him, and the fact that Nicholas was still staring right at him wasn't helping.

"Nichol, I asked you something. What do you mean?"

Oh. That name again. It set something free in Nicholas' stomach, but he wasn't sure if that was optimal in that moment. That name was unfair, it really was. Euijoo couldn't just look at him with his boba eyes and call him that name no one had thought of before. That could, no - that should be illegal.

"You thought of a nickname for me?"

"Yes, I said it earlier today and you didn't seem to mind, so I'm sticking with it. Answer my question." Euijoo's stare was almost hypnotizing. Almost.

Nicholas did nothing but show him a small grin and tried to go for another piece of strawberry candy. He didn't get far, Euijoo held his wrist again. The feeling from before also started bubbling up again. Euijoo's hand around his wrist was so gentle, though Euijoo was so obviously pissed.

Nicholas' heart started racing once more, and this time he wasn't sure if he could shake the feeling off again, even if Euijoo let go now. But he also didn't want to. And somehow that was worse.

Suddenly Nicholas realized how small their usual study room actually was, and how close Euijoo was to him.

The tension was through the roof. Nicholas wasn't sure if Euijoo felt it too, or if he was only imagining all of this. But his face was heating up and he could feel his cheeks turning a deeper red with every second that Euijoo didn't let go.

He had to get out, before the proximity would make him do something irreversible.

Nicholas tried to channel his thoughts: Door. Exit. Leave right now. He was so shaken that he abruptly got up with his chair screeching loudly against the wooden floor.

He wanted to look at Euijoo once more before he left the room, but he physically couldn't, so he basically sprinted right out the room to the best place he could think of: behind the school.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

His hand was shaking when he put the cigarette in his mouth. It seemed to be an unfamiliar motion now, the last time he'd smoked had been several days ago. After the talk with Euijoo he just didn't really want to anymore. But now he should want to.

He frantically searched around in his pockets. Fuck. Where was that damn lighter when you needed it. He would have to light that cigarette before he could think, before the image of Euijoo could reach his head and-

The cigarette package closed, the cigarette back in there, left untouched. Nicholas sighed loudly with his now free mouth. He always thought smoking would kill him, but it seemed like the opposite now. Not smoking would. All thanks to Euijoo and his big round eyes with that-

Uhoh. Nonono.

"Ay Nico. Stay there, we wanna talk with you." He really couldn't do this. Definitely not right now. The all so familiar figures that he tried so hard to avoid walked towards him. He froze for a second, his mind just screaming one thing: get to Euijoo. And so he did, very much surprising his old "friends" that were left speechless as they saw him walk away. Why was Euijoo such a safe spot for him, and was that all he was to Nicholas?

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

He walked right back in like he did out. He barged into the room, surprising Euijoo in the process. Euijoo stood up abruptly, his chair screeching against the floor just as Nicholas' did before. With a few quick steps he stood right before Nicholas, but this time leaving a bit more space between them than usually.

"Nichol. I'm so sorry if I overwhelmed you or did anything wrong. You ran out so suddenly so I was worried and-"

"Euijoo."

"I didn't want to put you under pressure or overwhelm you even more so I didn't run after you. But I swear I wanted to. And you have to know that you can talk to me about whatever. You know I don't mind and-

"Juju."

Euijoo stopped ranting and realized that Nicholas had started to get a little closer to Euijoo, making the now smaller distance between them almost unbearable. His eyes searched frantically to see why Nicholas had run away.

"I swear I'm fine." He wasn't. "You don't have to worry, I just got a little anxious."

"Anxious, why? Is there something wrong, do you have-"

"Juju, calm down. Just because of the test next week. I know Mr. Kim wants and expects me to pass, he told me. And I just don't wanna let him or my parents down."

Nicholas felt sick. The now so noticeable height difference between the two of them made him want to pull his hair out. Euijoo's eyes looked so round and they twinkled just like stars. It was as if they were holding a galaxy that was only ever there to see for Nicholas.

"Nichol, you won't let him or anyone down. You’re doing this for you. Entirely for yourself. You started showing up in school, paying attention during lessons, you are doing actively better without you noticing it. You have to acknowledge your efforts. Even if you don’t pass, you made an effort. You are good.

How about this, after the test, you can make a wish and I will fulfill it. Ok?"

Somehow Euijoo always knew what to say. Every word that left his mouth made perfect sense to Nicholas.

"And if I pass, will you grant me two wishes?"

Euijoo didn’t hesitate.

"Sure, I'll do that. But are you sure you’re fine now?"

Maybe he was now. Everything was always uncertain and unfair to him; school, his life, his friends. But he was certain about Euijoo, that even if he was anxious or scared he didn't have to always run away. With Euijoo, everything suddenly seemed… manageable.

Like maybe he saw a chance in this life. A chance to use this life to live.

How could a person he just got to know a few weeks ago change his life this much?

Nicholas nodded honestly and held the eye contact, a smile forcing its way onto his face. "Now let's get started, Juju. I want you to grant me these two wishes."

Nicholas moved to the table first, Euijoo turning around with a smile and a blush on his face. But this time, he didn't hide it. He sat down across Nicholas. "Ok. Chapter 2?"

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

Everyday. They had studied everyday. And really studied. The room was mostly filled with silence now instead of talking or joking around, and Euijoo realized how much this actually meant to him.

Nicholas was still showing up, staying, even if Euijoo did nothing. Even if he didn't talk first or didn't talk at all. Nicholas had stayed. No one had ever really dared that before.

Now Euijoo was watching Nicholas sit steady in his seat, pens by his side, still looking anxious. He turned around to Euijoo once, so he gave Nicholas a small smile and a nod.

Nicholas returned the favor, he also looked a bit more encouraged than he did before. He turned back around and Mr. Kim started distributing the test papers. "I'm counting on all of you today. You can do it."

Euijoo took one last glance at Nicholas before he turned around the test papers. He quickly scanned the questions and started grinning. Nicholas would get this. This was exactly what they studied. He looked up only to be met with Nicholas' also grinning face a few tables away.

The next thing Euijoo saw was how eager Nicholas picked up his pen and started working, Euijoo turning back to do the same.

They both hadn't noticed Mr. Kim's stare when they grinned at each other. He quietly smiled as well.

Chapter Text

Maybe Euijoo should’ve thought more about promising Nicholas to fulfill him two wishes. Because not only was it after the exam, but Nicholas had passed it. With a score that was way better than necessary.

Euijoos phone was ringing. As he saw the name on the screen he smiled and picked it up quite fast.

"Hel-"

His greeting had immediately been interrupted by the loud voice he had only waited to hear.

"JUJU I PASSED!!! I GOT 97%!!! I HAVE TWO WISHES!!!"

Euijoo could hear him jumping around on the other line. "Wait, what? Damn, congrats!!"

He’d definitely been expecting Nicholas to pass, but with a grade this good?

"You can be proud of yourself, Nichol. This is all your own doing. You did really well!!

Anyway, what are your two wishes then?"

Euijoo couldn’t see Nicholas over the phone and that was good, cause he never would‘ve been able to witness Nicholas‘ grin he could hear so clearly in real life.

"No, Juju. I have to thank you. Without you I wouldn’t have studied or had-"

Nicholas paused. Euijoo thought he would continue talking, but for some reason the silence kept on stretching. Before Euijoo could ask about it, Nicholas cleared his throat and continued talking again.

"So anyway, I will tell you one of my wishes when we see each other in school tomorrow morning. Deal?"

"You’re kinda scaring me, but alright."

Euijoo paused. He could hear a chuckle over the line.

"Good night, Nichol."

"JUJU WHAT-"

Euijoo hung up. He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Why did Nicholas make him feel like this?

He was feeling the need of wanting to be next to Nicholas 24/7. Listening to him talking for ages, babbling about anything and everything. Euijoo loved that he put this much effort into studying now. There was nothing wrong with Nicholas, he wasn’t lazy or bad. He just needed someone. And Euijoo was glad he was able to be that someone to him.

And somehow Nicholas had been the first person Euijoo was able to open up to as well, about fencing, about his parents… It had never felt this easy to talk to someone about these things. And Nicholas stayed even though Euijoo told him all of this.

Euijoo felt safe with him. He could keep quiet, talk, read, study - all that without Nicholas leaving. He accepted Euijoo for who he was, he looked at him thinking Euijoo wouldn’t notice. No one had ever done that.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

"YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?"

It was during the break after the first two lessons, some students were resting in the classroom, as well as Nicholas and Euijoo.

"shhhhhhhh! Keep your voice down, or we won’t be able to slip out quietly! I want us to skip school so I can show you something."

Euijoos mouth hung wide open. There was no way Nicholas actually asked that of him, but the smile that was so undeniably visible on his face said otherwise.

Euijoo had never skipped school, let alone thought about it. He even showed up when he was sick. Should he just break that streak cause Nicholas was asking?

"Juju. Please, you promised me that wish. You said whatever I wished for, you would fulfill it."

Nicholas could still see the stern and doubtful expression in Euijoo’s face, so he decided to pester him further.

"Come onnnnn, live a little. Do something no one would expect of you. Don’t always repeat your little cycle. I know you worry about not keeping up but it won't kill you, we only have two subjects today. I will go through them with you after. And be honest: when was the last time you did something because you wanted to? Pleaseeeeeeee!"

Euijoo hated Nicholas for this. (He could never) He hated how easy he could give in to whatever Nicholas was asking of him.

But Nicholas was right. Euijoo hadn’t done anything fun or anything at all since he quit fencing. Just school, home, study, school, home, study. Maybe he should indeed try, he could catch up on school work after he got home later, right? Nicholas promised him they'd work on it together. His parents just couldn’t find out.

Fuck. His parents. They would lock him up if they found out he wasn’t only skipping school but also with a boy like Nicholas.

It was fine. Right? He would just have to get home on time so they wouldn’t notice.

He looked at Nicholas and sighed once. Everything clouding his mind disappeared as soon as he saw Nicholas' smile grow.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

When the two of them finally got to the parking lot after Euijoo struggled to jump over the fence, he refused to get into Nicholas' car at first.

"Nichol. Do you know how dangerous cars are? How many people die in accidents? How long have you had your license? Does your car have insurance? Is it-"

"Juju, how did you think we were gonna get there?" He opened the drivers door and leaned on the car with arms folded on top of it to speak to Euijoo once more.

He held out his hand, counting the answers to Euijoo's questions with his fingers:

"I've had my license for 2 years. I‘ve never had an accident. My car has insurance. And yes, it is suitable for the road. Now get in, before somebody catches us."

He got in the driver’s seat and shut his door, looking at Euijoo through the passenger window with raised eyebrows.

Why did Nicholas know what he was going to ask next?

Euijoo hesitated for another second but seeing Nicholas he remembered his words. Live a little. Had he ever really used his life, the one that belonged to him, to live?

Without further thinking about it, he decided to follow the heart of his and got into the passenger seat, not forgetting to buckle up.

"If you drive even one mph faster than allowed, I‘ll jump out of the moving car and walk back to school."

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

The drive would take quite some time. That’s what Nicholas had told Euijoo. He had settled by the window with his chin on his hand, watching the scenery outside pass him by.

"Should I put on some music?" He quickly peeked over to Nicholas who already glanced back at him, hands on the steering wheel. Euijoo nodded quietly, and Nicholas took a CD out of the console in the front.

Euijoo eyed the case, there was no label on it, neither was there any on the CD. Was it self-made?

Though as Nicholas put the CD on, Euijoo muttering a quiet "Eyes on the road", he turned fully with his eyes almost popping out of his head once he heard the first note.

"YOU HAVE ABOUT YOU BY THE 1975 ON CD? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU KNOW THATS MY FAVORITE SONG!"

Indeed Nicholas knew. But instead of saying anything, he smiled to himself, eyes now fully back on the road. He rolled down both windows and turned the volume up slightly.

None of them talked, just enjoying the music Euijoo sometimes played while studying and Nicholas had ever so quietly written down when Euijoo didn’t notice.

He didn‘t know when exactly, but once he glanced over to Euijoo, he could see what was probably the happiest he had been in a long time.

Euijoo‘s eyes were closed softly and the corners of his mouth were slightly turned upward while mouthing the lyrics.

The wind from outside pushed his brown bangs to the side and Nicholas could see his forehead for the first time. It suited him, having his hair out of his face.

He had a very pretty face.

Euijoo had put his arm out of the car window, letting it be moved by the warm autumn breeze while they were driving. Nicholas thought that he looked at peace for probably the first time ever.

He thought he had never seen the skin between Euijoo's brows be so smooth while actively ditching school. Nicholas was sure that this image of Euijoo would forever be burned into his brain.

And it was exactly what he wanted. It was how he wanted to see Euijoo, how he wanted Euijoo to feel. Oh god, he would replay that forever in his mind.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

As he kept on driving, he noticed Euijoo's stomach growling. "You hungry? We could get something to eat, I know a place nearby."

Euijoo turned to him a little. "If you don’t mind, yeah."

"Alright, let me just fill up the tank first." Euijoo just nodded and Nicholas focused back on the road, careful not to miss the next exit.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

Euijoo waited, sitting in the car. When people passed by it looking at him, they glanced at him confused. He didn’t understand why.

His train of thought was interrupted by someone knocking heavily on the window.

Euijoo jumped and lowered the window.

"Jesus, Nichol. Why aren’t you just opening the door? Why are you smiling like that? What did you do?" He said with a disappointed look on his face. Whatever Nicholas had planned, that smile meant nothing good.

Nicholas said nothing, holding something in his arms and shoving it to Euijoo.

Euijoo held it up, and he noticed that it was a hoodie. Nicholas' hoodie.

He raised his eyebrows. "What do you want me to do with that?"

"Wear it, stupid. For the top student you aren’t really too bright up there, are you?" Nicholas answered with a snicker.

"I'll wait for you in the car. You can change in the toilet inside."

"Why should I?“

"God, Euijoo. We're way too obvious with our school uniforms. It literally has the logo on it. We need to look more convincing being outside at this time of day. And you don’t have a hoodie of your own with you, do you?"

Euijoo nodded rethinking Nicholas' words. Alright, he would change into the hoodie.

"I swear to god, if you leave me here while I change, you’re a dead man.“

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

As Euijoo approached the car in Nicholas' hoodie, the other felt something he didn’t know was possible.

Uhoh.

90 beats.

100 beats.

110 beats.

His heartbeat quickened rapidly. Even though the hoodie fit Euijoo poorly, Nicholas felt-

Well, what did he feel exactly?

Another person was wearing his hoodie. Not just any person. Euijoo did. Euijoo.

And though it was short on the sleeves, it looked good. He looked good.

Euijoo on the other hand was mad at himself when he put it on at first. What a stupid hoodie, too comfortable, too warm. And why did Nicholas perfume linger everywhere on it?

He hated it. He hated how much that thought alone pulled some strings at his heart. Even if the sleeves were too short and it was too small on his back, Euijoo felt warm when he walked back to the car.

He sat back in the passenger seat, ruffling a hand through his hair. When he saw Nicholas' smile, he only rolled his eyes and signaled Nicholas to keep driving.

Nicholas turned back around, still smiling and heart still beating too fast, starting the engine.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

When the two of them ate at the restaurant by the highway, Nicholas told Euijoo that he would usually eat here when he was driving to wherever they were headed.

The waitress always recognized him, and was shocked that today he wasn’t alone like usually, but it made her smile seeing Nicholas smile.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

They arrived after what felt like hours, the sun had already begun setting a little. Euijoo sometimes stared at Nicholas during the drive thinking he didn’t notice.

But Nicholas noticed every little thing about Euijoo, he just pretended he didn’t.

Nicholas immediately strechted when he got out of the car, leaving the door open.

Euijoo copied him, looking around to find something worth being showed, but all he saw was fields with flowers and little hills by the street they were currently standing on.

"Do we still need to walk further? Or are you actually gonna kill and bury me here?"

Nicholas laughed out loud at that. It was so Euijoo of him to say that. For a moment he did nothing but stare at Euijoo, appreciating once more how cozy he looked in that hoodie, the sunset behind him outlining his face perfectly.

Nicholas walked back to the car and turned on the headlights so they could see the street. He closed his door and ran to the small embankment on the side of the street. He plopped himself down on the grass, spreading out his limbs all over the warm ground beneath him.

Euijoo hesitated for a second before walking towards Nicholas and laying down beside him.

Nicholas' head turned towards Euijoo, being blended by the headlights first, but his eyes adjusting to see Euijoo already looking back at him.

Nicholas stared back at the sky, closing his eyes and taking in the sound of the nature. A slight smile was slowly making it's way on his face. Again they didn’t talk, laying in complete silence.

Euijoo loved it because unlike others, Nicholas didn’t mind if he wasn’t talking, didn’t force him to talk when he didn’t want to and could still enjoy the time they had even if it was in complete silence. He also didn’t mind if Nicholas talked the whole time, it became a habit and it was more weird when he didn’t hear Nicholas' voice.

Nicholas loved it because Euijoo didn’t feel fake. He said what needed to be said at the right time but never unnecessary things. (He would probably also like it if Euijoo talked absolute trash.) Nicholas also didn’t have to talk to cover up the silence he felt was awkward with other people, Euijoo didn’t mind. There was no heaviness in the silence, no uselessness.

"Is this what you wanted to show me? Just this spot?"

Nicholas turned back to face Euijoo. He nodded slowly, taking in the feeling of Euijoo knowing exactly how Nicholas was. It had gotten dark now, but thanks to the headlights that illuminated Euijoo's face perfectly, he could see him just fine.

"I always go here when I want to think, or don’t want to think at all. When I‘m stressed, I need some time for myself or if I get overwhelmed I just drive here and look at the scenery. It calms me, knowing that no matter how much I change or how much I do wrong, the fields and the scenery will always stay somewhat the same. No one bothers me, no one can reach me."

Euijoo's eyes were glowing. "And you still want to share that with me?"

"I think I‘m only sharing this with you because it’s you, Juju. For the first time in my life, I‘ve actually wanted to share this with someone. It just makes sense it’s you. You’re so controlled, so neat, so-"

Nicholas took a deep breath once. He felt a bit anxious again, letting Euijoo in like that, but this time, right in this moment, he didn’t want to run away.

"And though I know you have a lot going on too, I feel like I don’t have to lie or pretend with you. I can just be myself. I feel like you don’t know that so I hope you know now."

Euijoo didn’t know what to say. At the sight of Nicholas Euijoo's heart contracted. How could he feel so cherished?

He was suddenly too aware of everything. The way Nicholas looked at him, the way the hoodie was too warm and Nicholas scent still clinging to the edges of Euijoo's mind, the feeling of grass underneath his hands, his own eyes softening.

He didn’t know what to say. So instead, and against all his self-hatred from before, he did what felt right. He grabbed Nicholas' hand in his own, not caring if it felt wrong in any way. Because it didn’t matter right now.

Right now it mattered that Nicholas felt the way he did. And it mattered that Euijoo felt like he mattered to Nicholas.

Nicholas didn’t budge. He has never felt this seen or comforted in his whole 18 years of living. He just stayed like that, Euijoo as well.

Euijoo ignored the vibrating in the pocket in the back of his jeans. His parents.

He didn’t care. Right now he was too afraid that letting go would mean no more holding on.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

It didn’t matter to Euijoo that he got home late anymore. Not that his parents were probably going to scream at him. He appreciated every second he got with Nicholas. He wanted him to feel like Euijoo was there for him. Because he was. Euijoo had never felt so appreciated before, he would not let go of what he had with Nicholas.

When Nicholas dropped him off and they both bid their goodbyes with smiles displayed clearly on their faces, Nicholas stayed until Euijoo entered his front door safely. He stared at the back that was so familiar to him, because he was still wearing his hoodie, when Euijoo turned around and smiled once more at the door.

There it was again. The heart beating faster than normal, Nicholas feeling more warm than usual.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

And even though tomorrow would be the same, Euijoo early at school, Nicholas almost late to class, something changed between them.

Something that made their connection even stronger, even deeper. Like something that had only been waiting to happen.

Nicholas had shown Euijoo what it felt like to be wanted, to be needed. And to be liked as a person that’s just himself.

Euijoo had shown Nicholas that being seen could lead to something way better than running away. That sharing something that really mattered and opening up didn’t mean something bad.

And that his hands felt so right in Euijoo's.