Work Text:
1
The Z team was gathered in the breakroom, taking a brief respite for lunch. The day had been filled with small, inconsequential yet annoyingly inconvenient calls. Everyone was eager to rest their feet, to air their grievances, and attempt to forget that in another thirty or so minutes, they’d be right back to it.
Robert, of course, joined them. More specifically, he joined Waterboy- had Herman not requested Robert’s company in the breakroom, he likely would have spent his lunch break at his desk, or bothering Chase, or seeking some peace and quiet. But he could never say no to Herman.
He was, however, regretting not saying no. Because the topic of the day was far too close to home, and far too inappropriate for work.
“I just don’t understand how no one noticed sooner,” Punch Up said between bites of his sandwich.
“For real,” Mal agreed. “In hindsight, you guys were not subtle.” The rest of the Z team nodded their heads and mumbled their agreements. Herman was bright red, and Robert was fighting not to throw something. Again.
“Well, it’s really not anyone’s business,” Robert said. “Why don’t we talk about something else?”
“But it just doesn’t make sense!” Flambae threw his hands up in exasperation. “How the fuck did Wetfartboy get you-” Flambae slammed a fist on the table and pointed accusingly at Robert. “Not that I think you’re hot shit or anything. But that guy is a fucking loser.”
“Hey!” Robert barked, watching Herman’s face turn an alarming shade of near-purple, and sink lower in his chair. “Everyone better shut the fuck up with the fucking bullying, or I’m going to start writing people up.”
The room quieted, the heroes giving each other a side eye or an aggrieved shrug. Robert gave Waterboy a gentle pat on his arm, and Waterboy gave him a slightly pained smile in return. They both returned to their meals.
But, after a few beats of calm, Prism broke the silence again. “Holy shit,” she exclaimed. “Waterboy isn’t just fucking Robert, he’s fucking Mecha Man.”
The room devolved into chaos once more.
2
“O- okay,” Herman turned to face Robert. He was producing water at an alarming rate, a marked step back in his progress at controlling his powers. But he was nervous, and Robert couldn’t really blame him. Hell, Robert was a bit nervous too.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” Robert said calmly, gripping Herman by the shoulder and making pointed eye contact. “Why don’t we take a few deep breaths?”
Herman nodded, and together, they breathed in, then out slowly, then repeated a few times. Robert gave him an encouraging smile, which Herman tried valiantly to return. Without his goggles, water dripped freely from his hair and down his face, and Robert watched a drop get caught in his eyelashes.
He leaned in for a kiss. It was brief and sweet, but Herman still blushed profusely. Robert wasn’t sure Herman would ever break the habit, but it was one that he profusely enjoyed.
“Every- everything will be fi- okay,” Herman muttered quietly.
“Right,” Robert agreed.
“Yeah,” Herman said with a bit more enthusiasm in his voice. He stood up a bit straighter, leaned in for another peck on the lips (cheeks still rosy), and nodded to himself. “She’s gonna- she’ll love you. Because you’re so g-great, and I. I also. Do love you.”
“I love you too, Herm. Don’t worry, grandmas love me.”
“Is that r- true?”
“Well,” Robert shrugged. “I haven’t met many grandmas, to be honest. But what old lady doesn’t like a superhero?” He grinned at Herman, who didn’t look particularly reassured. Before Herman could change his mind or second guess himself, or completely flood the street, Robert grabbed his hand and pulled him to the front door of Herman and his grandmother’s apartment.
Robert shoved Herman in front of him a bit by a hand on his lower back, and adjusted the bouquet of flowers in his other hand. He had to shake off a few drops of water.
Herman unlocked and opened the door, and called weakly, “We’re h-here, Grandma.”
Robert watched a very small elderly woman poke her head around the hallway’s door. He smiled and waved, and she called, “Finally!”
Herman took his hand again and led him down the hallway, where his grandmother waited with open arms.
“You’re not very tall, are you?” she said as she pulled Robert down into a hug. Which was ridiculous, frankly, coming from someone who was so small she was at risk of being stepped on.
Robert offered her the flowers, smiling. “It’s really nice to meet you, Miss-”
“Oh, call me Grandma,” she said, giving him a good once over. “Herman, go fetch me a vase, will you? These flowers are just lovely.”
The afternoon passed uneventfully. Grandma was at first a bit abrasive, fulfilling her guardian duties by giving Robert a brief but sincere shovel speech and asking about his intentions. Herman was, of course, mortified, and apologized for his grandmother’s actions profusely, but Robert just laughed it off. He did, of course, take her questions seriously, and she seemed to approve of him. Robert was introduced to a handful of the cats, although he struggled to keep track of who was who. They ate a light lunch, and it was overall a very pleasant time.
After lunch, Grandma instructed Herman to fetch her cookies from the oven, where they had been kept warm. Herman gave Robert a peck on the cheek, then another obliging peck to his grandmother’s cheek, and shuffled to the kitchen.
“You know,” Grandma said quietly, leaning in conspiratorially to Robert. “Herman did not have an easy time in school. Or an easy life, at that.”
“I can imagine his powers made things… awkward. For a kid,” Robert offered.
Grandma nodded gravely. “He’s never had luck with friends, or… relationships of any sort. You know. It broke my heart, watching him grow up so lonely.”
Robert swallowed. It was difficult, of course, to hear about his boyfriend’s difficult childhood. He could relate, in some ways, but he didn’t need to tell Herman’s grandmother all that.
“It’s a relief that he has you,” she continued, reaching out to hold Robert’s hand. “I must be honest, at first I thought he was lying, when he said he was seeing someone. It seemed too good to be true! And when I saw you, I thought… Well. I will say that Herman is a very, very lucky man.”
“Oh, no-”
“I do hope that you don’t break his heart,” she squeezed his hand, just to the point of discomfort. “I love my Hermie.”
Robert opened his mouth to reply, to explain, to ease her worries at least a bit, but Herman came back into the living room, a plate piled with chocolate chip cookies in his hands, and a big grin on his face.
“Just w- wait til you- til you get a load of- try a bite- taste these babies!” Herman said excitedly, and Robert couldn’t help but break into a smile.
3
The wedding was, for some inexplicable reason, outdoors. The sun was shining just a bit too intensely, and Robert couldn’t help but press Herman’s wet hands to his own cheeks in an attempt to cool off.
“S-sorry,” Herman said, that ever-present blush on his cheeks. “I know this- this isn’t how you’d normal- prefer to spend y-your Saturday.”
“Herm,” Robert muttered, eyes closed and enjoying the drops of water running down into his collar, “I would happily spend my Saturday in line at the DMV if it meant I got to be with you.”
“Oh,” Herman said softly.
The cocktail hour had only just begun, and Robert wasn’t lying, he was happy to be there with Herman. But Herman was also a bit right- being a guest at his boyfriend’s aunt’s fourth wedding wasn’t exactly his top choice of activities.
But Herman had seemed so excited, when he asked Robert. “I’ve never-r had a date- a plus one before,” he had told Robert. He also admitted that he wanted to show his boyfriend off a bit, and how could Robert say no to that? And, of course, Herman’s grandma had said they had to go, and also could they deliver her gift for her while they were there because she certainly wouldn’t be wasting her time going.
“Well,” Robert said, opening his eyes to look up at Herman. “What do you say you introduce me to your family?”
Herman gulped, looked around for a moment, pulled at his own collar. “Right,” he muttered to himself. “Introduce m-my boyfriend.”
“Only if you’re comfortable,” Robert said soothingly, rubbing Herman’s back. “You don’t have to call me that if you-”
“No!” Herman said, draping an arm around Robert’s waist and pulling him in close. “Of course- of course that’s what I’ll- what I’m going to say!” Robert laughed a bit, and Herman beamed down at him.
“Alright, kid,” Robert said warmly.
They stopped by the small outdoor bar first, and Robert ordered himself a beer and Herman a cocktail, and then Herman began leading him through the small groups of people across the yard. With his height, he could easily look over the heads of the other guests, and he quickly spotted who he was looking for.
“Okay,” he said, taking a deep breath. “This- this is my cousin, and his sister,” he said to Robert quietly. “The one- the one I t-told you about, with- with the-”
“The one that pantsed you?” Robert asked, eyes squinting.
“Y… yes,” Herman confirmed, and then there they were, approaching the man and woman, who were joined by a couple other guests.
“Herm!” the cousin shouted, arms raised, when he saw them approaching. “Jules, look at this! It’s Herm!”
Jules, the other cousin, seemingly, smiled widely, but neither cousin stepped forward for a hug. Herman was, as he always was to some degree, soaked, and was leaving a small trail of water droplets along the grass. Robert could understand their hesitancy, but surely a hug wouldn’t do that much damage.
“H-hi, guys,” Herman said, his smile wavering but not falling. “Robert, th-this is Cole, my- and this is Juliet, my- my cousins.” Herman held out his hand, gesturing vaguely to the pair, and Robert smiled.
“And this,” Herman continued, turning to look at his cousins, his hand now pointing towards Robert. “This is- this is my- m-my- this is- that is, this- this is-” Herman’s face was getting progressively redder, and he was forming a small puddle on the grass beneath him. He stuttered a bit more, his cousins looking expectant and perhaps a bit mean-spiritedly amused, before Herman finally said, with an air of defeat, “This is my… Robert.”
Robert looked up at Herman, and saw his face twisted in frustration and disappointment. Robert gave him a squeeze, and turned to look at Cole and Juliet.
“Hi, nice to meet you guys,” he said, reaching to shake both their hands in turn. “I’m his boyfriend,” he added.
“Yeah, nice to meet you- Wait,” Cole’s eyes jerked between them both, looking startled. Juliet also looked a bit alarmed, but she kept her sincere smile on her face.
“Boyfriend?” Cole asked, looking back at Juliet, who only raised her eyebrows, and then between Herman and Robert again.
Robert nudged Herman a bit, who after a beat blurted, “Yup. Yes, he’s- Robert is my b-boyfriend. We are dating- we’re, yes, we’re in a- in a relationship…” He trailed off awkwardly, but he looked down at Robert with a beaming smile.
“Like…” Cole took a step forward, then back, still seemingly at a loss. He looked back at his group, giving them an incredulous look. “Like, you guys are dating?”
“Yes,” Robert said slowly, looking at Cole, bemused. “I don’t know how to make that more clear.” Juliet laughed a bit.
“Right, sorry, right,” Cole said, waving off Robert’s words. “That’s great, congrats, buddy,” he said to Herman.
“Th-thanks,” Herman said, and opened his mouth to continue, but Cole quickly cut him off.
“So, like, how long have you guys been together?”
Robert paused to let Herman speak, but he seemed once again to be struggling to form words, so Robert said, “About six months. It’s been great.”
“Wow, so it’s not… it’s not like, new, or anything,” Cole said, giving a small disbelieving laugh. He looked at Robert, really taking him in, and said, “And you’re pretty good looking, dude!”
“Okay,” Robert said, looking around in bewilderment. “Thanks, I guess?”
“Cole,” Herman said quietly, blushing madly, “Don’t- don’t be-”
“I’m just saying,” Cole said, laughing a bit, elbowing his friend next to him. Juliet shook her head, said something quietly to Cole, but he didn’t listen, and she didn’t make any other attempts to stop him from continuing to speak. “I’m just saying,” Cole said again, “Herman’s one lucky guy to bag someone like you. I mean, you shoulda seen the kid when we were growing up! You think he’s lame and wet now-”
“Alright,” Robert said shortly. “It was great meeting you, but I’ll be honest, you seem like a dick.” He grabbed Herman’s hand, and started to pull him away from the group. “If you’ll excuse us,” Robert continued, taking a swig of his beer, “I’m going to go fuck your cousin in the coat closet. I’ll try not to get too much jizz on your jacket.”
4
Robert was not unused to being hit on. Especially before the coma, when he was pretty jacked- he was aware that his body was somewhat impressive, for a normie. And although after the coma, even with the rehab and training, he never got quite back to that, he was still aware that he was generally pretty okay looking.
And Herman was aware of that, too. Well, Robert certainly hoped that Herman also thought Robert was attractive. Chances were good that Herman agreed, considering how he had dressed Robert for their night out.
Robert’s shirt was a dark red, and nearly uncomfortably, embarrassingly tight. His jeans were a looser fit, but according to Herman, showed off his ass and his junk in ways that were delightful. It was not anything Robert would choose for himself on a regular basis, but Herman had insisted that if Robert wanted him to try new clothes, then it was only fair that Robert let Herman shop for him a bit, too. And, as established, Herman had a hard time telling his boyfriend no.
Herman was dressed up a bit, too. Robert, months ago, had convinced Herman to try some other clothes besides the wetsuit. They stuck to moisture wicking and waterproof fabrics, and while it was true they weren’t as effective as a literal wetsuit, they generally were comfortable enough for Herman, and never got too heavy with all the water he spilled throughout the day. It helped that Herman was slowly getting better at controlling his involuntary water production, as well.
All that to say; they looked good. They had gone out to a normie club, without any of their teammates, just looking to have a nice date night. They were a couple drinks in, nothing too crazy- each just tipsy enough to let loose, and dance, and laugh loudly without getting too sloppy.
Robert sat at the bar while Herman visited the bathroom. The place was crowded- not overwhelmingly so, but Robert had to wait for the bartender to make her way to him. He waited patiently, slurping up the slowly melting ice in Herman’s last drink, eyes wandering the dance floor.
He’d blame it on the alcohol, but it took him an embarrassingly long time to notice the presence very close to his side.
He startled a bit, leaning back and catching himself on the bar. He might have been a bit drunker than he originally thought.
“Um, hi?” he said, looking at the petite woman sitting on the barstool next to him. Her chin rested in her hand, and she leaned in very close to him, her red lips spread in a predatory smile.
“Hi yourself,” she said, voice strained a bit to be heard over the music. “You’re, like, very hot.”
“Okay…” Robert said, unsure how to respond. He had been hit on many times at bars in the past, but he had never been hit on while in a relationship. He honestly wasn’t sure what the protocol was.
“Do you want to buy me a drink?” the woman said, resting her hand on his bicep. Her fingers rubbed against his skin softly, and she leaned in even further. “Are you looking for some company tonight? My friends have totally ditched me.”
“Oh, um…” Robert looked around for Herman desperately. “No, thanks.” He leaned back from her and turned to flag down the bartender again, this time with a bit more desperation.
“Tell you what,” the woman said, standing up to press her lips against his ear. He suppressed a shudder and leaned further away still, but was impeded by the stranger on the barstool at his other side.
Her very alcoholic breath skimmed his cheek as she breathed, “Why don’t we skip the drink, and you just take me home? You’re so fucking hot, I bet you know just how to give it to a girl, huh? I can suck your-”
“Oh my god,” Robert said, lightly shoving her away. “No, lady. I’m here with my boyfriend.” He continued to stare down the bartender, refusing to look in the woman’s direction.
Which meant he missed her extravagant pout, “Your boyfriend?” she said, resting her elbows on the bar and leaning back into his space, but not touching him this time. “Well, is he as hot as you? He can watch, if you want. Or he can even join in, I don’t mind a threesome…”
Before Robert could answer with another firm denial, he felt a very damp arm wrap around his waist. He turned with relief, and received a peck on the mouth from Herman.
“S-sorry it took so long,” he said. “There was a crazy- a really long line.”
“It’s okay,” Robert said, turning in Herman’s arms to face him. “I haven’t even gotten us drinks yet.”
“Oh my god.”
Herman turned to see the woman, staring at them, mouth agape. “Oh,” he said with a smile, “Hello! Robert, were you-”
“This is your boyfriend?” the woman asked shrilly, hand reaching out to grip Robert’s shoulder. “He’s like- he’s a loser. Do you know how hot you are?”
“Hey,” Herman said, face red, eyes skittering back and forth, but Robert was still proud as he spoke up for himself. “That’s not- that’s unnecessary.”
“Fuck you,” Robert said lazily to the woman, and reached up to give Herman a couple long, messy kisses.
“What the fuck,” the woman groaned. She reached out drunkenly to separate the two, and looked at Herman seriously. “You,” she said, “are so fucking lucky. I hope you know how lucky you are. Do you see what he’s packing in those jeans? Do you see the size of his biceps?”
“Yes,” Herman replied, hands snaking down to Robert’s ass. “I’m v-very aware.”
5
The ground floor of the SDN headquarters was quiet, half the lights turned off. Mandy could hear the distant buzz of the janitor’s floor polisher down a hallway, and the faint mumbling of one of the lobby TV’s left on.
She should go home. It was Friday, and she had the weekend off, and she had real, actual plans, with non-coworkers. But she always had a hard time clocking out of a stressful shift, and that Friday was no exception.
There had been an active shooter threat at a local mall, which had been alarming and scary, and had taken hours to deal with. Thankfully, there were no civilian casualties, but one of the Z team members had been injured, and the comms had gone in and out, and the whole thing had been chaos.
Mandy had been called in to help on the dispatching side, and it was tough to stay in the office and not just fly out and help.
“Don’t need so many cooks in the kitchen,” Chase had warned her over her shoulder. “They need someone to tell them what the fuck to do.”
Which had been hard, when the outdated walls of the mall cut off their signal and left them with only live security camera footage to watch and no way to tell their team members which ways to go and what to do and where civilians were hiding.
So Mandy was taking a few laps around the building before she went home.
She took the stairs back up to walk around Dispatching one more time, just in case anyone was lingering and wanted to chat. And then she fully intended to head home.
She descended the stairs swiftly, knowing she couldn’t delay her departure any longer. But then she passed the slightly cracked open door of the janitor’s closet, and she heard them.
She only stopped to see who was still at work, who was hiding in there, even though deep down, she already knew.
“It’s okay, Herm.” That was Robert’s voice, quiet and calm and soothing. And Mandy could hear Herman’s answering snuffle of disagreement.
She had stopped to identify the stragglers, but she had no real excuse for why she stayed. It could have been a leftover fondness for Robert, or pity for Herman, or a desperate need for sympathy and soothing herself. But she stayed, and listened.
“You did great out there,” Robert said softly.
“I- I f-f-f-froze.” Herman’s voice was wet and mucusy.
“Sure, for a second,” Robert replied. “So did half the team at some point today. So did I. The first time the comms went out, I almost shit my pants, and then I just sat there for, like, thirty seconds. I wasted so much time just freaking out.”
Herman moaned pathetically.
“Herman,” Robert’s voice grew firmer. “You are a great hero. I know that you know that you’re a great hero. We all make mistakes sometimes.”
“B-b-but no one makes- is making mistakes- the mistakes I make,” Herman sobbed.
“No, you’re right. Sometimes their mistakes are smaller, and sometimes they’re a whole lot worse. You were in a very scary and stressful position. One that I wish you never, ever had to be in, and one I hope you’ll never be in again. You didn’t know what to do, and you were overwhelmed, and your body did its best to cope. For a minute. Not even a minute.”
“But the- my- the water- my puddles!”
“That civilian is already released from the hospital. They didn’t even have a concussion, just a sprained wrist. And you know what they do have? Their life. Thanks to you and the rest of the Z team.”
Mandy’s heart broke. Not exactly for Waterboy, and not for the civilian. The trauma of the day was bad, of course, but she couldn’t help but feel sorry for herself, listening to Herman get the kind of validation and affirmation she so often longed for.
“Listen, Herm. I love you. So much,” Robert said, and Mandy could hear the slight smile in his voice. “But you’re throwing a pity party right now, and I can’t let you keep going, okay? You did amazing today. You kicked ass, and I know you know it. You can be embarrassed about mistakes, and you can try to keep them from happening in the future, but I won’t let you ignore your achievements by harping on the small stuff. There we go, come here.”
There was a brief pause, and Mandy could hear the faint sound of water droplets hitting the tiled floor. Herman sniffed.
“We’re staying in tonight,” Robert said softly. “We’re going to drink to celebrate your awesome win today, and you’re going to tell me about all your badass moves. And we’re not going to give any more energy to any self doubt. Okay? Sound good?”
“Y-eah,” Waterboy said softly. “You’re. You’re right.”
Mandy hoped that Waterboy knew how lucky he was, to have someone to be there for him on nights like these.
+1
“I just. I don’t get it,” Courtney said, kicking her feet against the cabinets beneath the counter.
“Get what?” Robert asked disinterestedly, watching his lunch spin in the microwave.
There was a brief pause, in which Invisigal huffed, kicked the cabinets again, uncrossed and recrossed her arms. Finally, she gave up the silence and said, “I just don’t get what Waterbitch has that I don’t.”
Robert looked at her in surprise, eyebrows raised. “What the fuck? I thought you were over your crush, or whatever.”
“I am. I am,” Courtney said, refusing to look him in the eye. “It’s just, like. It’s a serious blow to the ego, you know, to lose to a guy like that.”
“A guy like what?” Robert asked, removing his plate from the microwave and settling in at one of the tables of the breakroom.
Courtney followed, propping herself up against the table top. “You know, like. He stutters and gets everything wet and is obviously a major virgin and like. He sucks.”
“I don’t think he sucks,” Robert said casually, focused on his food. “I think he’s awesome.”
“Clearly,” Courtney scoffed. “I’ve seen the dopey looks, trust me. But why do you think he’s awesome? He sucks as a hero, and. I don’t know, it just seems like he’s getting a lot from this relationship, and like. What could you possibly be getting out of it? Besides, like, wet clothes all the time?”
Robert laid down his fork, took a deep breath, and sat back in his chair. “You know,” he looked up at Invisigal. “People keep saying that. That he’s lucky to have me, or whatever. But I’m the lucky one.”
Courtney gave him a disbelieving look.
“I’m serious,” Robert said. “I was never… I was never a relationship guy. I wasn’t good at them, and I never had the time. I think I wasn’t in a good place with myself, and so… It just never worked. I didn’t have a lot of self worth outside of being Mecha Man. I was stressed all the time. I didn’t have anyone in my life, besides the Beef, I was… I was really depressed, for a long time, before taking this job.”
He took a deep breath before continuing. “Even with this job, things were hard. I wasn’t a hero anymore. And I hadn’t been just Robert in a really, really long time. It didn’t feel… Good. To be nobody.
“But Herman… He saw me. He knew I was Mecha Man, the whole time. And he liked Robert. He respected me. He showed me… That there’s someone still here, even when I’m not Mecha Man. That I have a purpose outside of that, outside of being a hero. That my worth isn’t just tied to what I can do to help others.
“Did you know he won’t let me carry anything? Like, ever? We went grocery shopping and he carried all of our bags the whole way home, because he thinks I’ve spent enough of my life carrying the weight for other people. Isn’t that- I mean, it’s ridiculous. It’s so, so fucking ridiculous, and the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, ever.
“He lets me be vulnerable and never judges me for anything I’m feeling. I just randomly started crying the other day over a movie because it reminded me of my dad, and Herman held me and let me talk for over an hour about. Just, I don’t know, my feelings. I totally ruined date night, and we never got to finish the movie. And then he made me dinner and walked Beef for me so I wouldn’t have to worry about anything besides resting.
“He’s been decorating my apartment for me. He’s doing it secretly, like bringing in one thing at a time, but obviously I’ve noticed because now there’s actually stuff in my place. And before the fall, the coma, I tried to keep plants, and they died while I was out. And I never threw them away. I guess he noticed and I came home one day and there were plants, like, everywhere. But I suck at watering them, so I thought they’d die, y’know, immediately. But it’s been months, and they’re still there. And I woke up one day to see him watering them, and I realized, he’s been taking care of the plants the whole time. And he cleans my place, secretly, too. When I’m not feeling well, or I have a bad week, and it’s- it can be hard, to clean up sometimes, to stay organized, you know? He’ll wake up early and put stuff away, and then sneak back into bed with me.
“He doesn’t judge me when I’m a bitch about things, and he makes me take care of myself and makes me wear nicer clothes and eat better food. He makes me go out and take walks and see the sun. He plans really nice dates and brings me flowers and opens doors for me. I’ve never been treated that way, you know? I”ve never had someone take care of me. Even my dad- I’ve never been doted on. And I never had to ask. He just. He just wants to.
“He’s genuinely one of the sweetest, nicest people I’ve ever met. He stays positive, despite everything, all the time. He’s always such an optimist and he always believes in me, even when he has no reason to.
“I don’t know, I’m rambling,” Robert chuckles a bit. “I’m just. I’m really, really lucky to have him. You guys rag on him for messing up on calls and shit, but. He’s a genuinely good person. And I think he’s a great hero. He might do stuff differently. He might not get everything right. But I’ve never met someone who cares so much. And I get to feel that, all the time. I’m really, really fucking lucky.”