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The sound of soft breathing was the first thing she heard as she awoke. It was extremely early in the morning. It would’ve been somewhere between night and dawn, Madoka figured out as much. Soft snow covered most of what was outside of her window, enough so that trying to see out of it would be pointless.
It’s not like she had anything to do today. It’s not like it would matter if she had something to do or not, since it was far too early to do much of anything. And besides that, she didn’t want to do anything right now either way.
Right here… being right here next to her. That was enough for Madoka. To see Homura right beside herself… It really helped her feel grounded. It made her feel human again, which was weird to say, especially considering who exactly Homura was. If she wasn’t human, then Homura certainly wasn’t either.
It’s not like any of that mattered now though. What was far more important was simple, it was the fact that Madoka was able to see Homura on her bed. Soundly sleeping, happily sleeping. Madoka could, at the very least, be happy with that. Seeing that she was not sleeping in the same tired, worn out way she did for so long. The same way she was for what would have been over a decade. And was instead sleeping like a baby, careless and free from all the suffering the two had put each other through.
With her long, almost purple hair covering the top part of her face, and with what looked like a bit of spit or drool sticking on from her lower lip. She looks like an angel. Madoka’s mind beamed as her heart began to beat just a little bit heavier, just enough for Madoka to notice. The irony, of course, wasn’t lost on Madoka. Comparing Homura to an angel… Madoka was just glad Homura couldn’t hear her right now. Trying to compliment her was hard enough as it was, Madoka was very familiar with that face, so trying to do it while mentioning - or at the very least alluding to - back then…
She wouldn’t take it well. Madoka’s mind spat out. Of course, she didn’t want that to be true, but denying the way Homura could get… That just wouldn’t help either of them.
And besides, even if she couldn’t change the truth - if she couldn’t in any way change who Homura was with a snap of her finger, she wouldn’t try to do it. It was part of the agreement the two came to, after all. No more changing of the universe, which would include forcibly changing Homura. Of course, if she and Homura both couldn’t forcibly change the universe that rule wouldn’t be necessary, but that didn’t really matter to Madoka.
The air felt cold as Madoka laid down in her bed. It was still too early to do anything, and besides, Homura was still beside her. Just sleeping quietly, her breathing becoming nothing more than a soft humming to Madoka’s ears. It was peaceful, which is something Homura desperately needed, and Madoka was more than glad to give to her. Peace… These last few months would have been the first time she’s been at peace in so long.
Madoka’s mind would begin to race in the cold, still silence. There was so much to think about, especially considering the last few months. How for the first time in well over a decade Madoka and Homura were not only on equal footing, but were also no longer fighting constantly. At least metaphorically, there were still Wraiths in this world after all. Even if they were more than easy to defeat for either of them.
Madoka pulled her blanket higher towards her, covering herself in its warm embrace. Inadvertently pulling Homura closer to her too. This wasn’t the first sleepover the two had had. There must have been more than a dozen during the first 10 or so timeloops alone, nor was it the first since they came to an agreement. By now Madoka would almost feel like her bed was empty if Homura wasn’t in it with her. It would’ve been an almost weekly occurrence by now, something both girls were appreciative of. It really was empty without her.
It wasn’t the only weekly occurrence between the two. Ever since the agreement was signed Madoka made sure to take her out somewhere at least a few times a week. Usually being joined by the few people who Homura could consider friends. Of course, Madoka also made sure to just go out with her at least once a week, no one else with the two. As another way to help deal with Homura’s loneliness. She was always so happy after Madoka took her to a café, or to a book store or restaurant. She gets so lonely. I really hope I'm helping her. Thinking about how much Homura had suffered for her made her feel empty. As if she didn’t deserve to be saved, over and over by her.
Madoka could say that about a lot of things in her life. Without Homura it would feel almost empty, without her nothing seemed to shine as bright. It wasn’t good being this emotionally dependent on someone, Madoka knew that very well thanks to Homura specifically, yet she still felt that way. It’s not like knowing something is enough to change, both she and Homura knew how self destructive Homura had gotten in the name of keeping her happy, and yet Homura was still a very similar person to the one who split her in half so she could live as a normal human.
It was going to take a long time for that to change, which wasn’t really a concern knowing how the two had until the heat death of the universe to be around each other, so the same was probably true of that empty, sinking feeling she would get when Homura was far away from her. This really isn’t healthy, is it? Madoka would ask to no one in particular. Still, it wasn’t all bad, because if it was then being around Homura would have to be bad too. Which was just simply false in every conceivable way to Madoka.
Madoka could feel Homura’s soft breaths hit her right arm, it felt nice especially considering how utterly cold it was in her room. Having Homura be right next to her, feeling the heat radiate from her body, it was clear to Madoka what the truth was. If Homura was not there with her right now she would've already frozen to death. And thus forced to bring both her and Homura back to the state of being the Law of Cycles. Truly, it would’ve been a tragedy.
It wouldn’t have been so bad, if it was they wouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place. Of course it wasn’t all good either, but it was the only compromise Madoka and Homura could agree to, mostly since it was also the only one that would give each of them at least a bit of what they wanted. Madoka would spend a prolonged lifetime on Earth as a “normal human”, or at least, the closest equivalent of one that someone like Madoka could aspire to, considering the fact she was now technically billions of years old. Then after Madoka “dies” she would return to her role as the Law of Cycles, now with Homura in tow.
Madoka still didn’t know how to fully feel about it. She was sure the same went with Homura. At the very least, she was happy that Homura would join her in that struggle. She couldn’t imagine being away from Homura again, even when she was alone her mind would tend to fill it with Homura’s inclusion. When Homura somehow got sick and couldn’t make it to school for a few days Madoka's mind would often drift off to her. The same happened randomly throughout most of her days, even when Homura herself is present. Oddly enough when Homura was around her it tended to drift to her more so. Right now was a perfect example of this.
Of course, it was more than reasonable for her mind to shift to Homura. After all, they have been through so much together, and Homura was clearly still suffering from all of it. Much more so than I am. So it only made sense for Madoka’s mind to wander into Homura everywhere it could.
After all, she put so much effort into making sure i can be happy, i wouldn’t be fair if i didn’t try the same. Me thinking about her constantly is just another part of it.
Madoka’s mind would spring as she started to watch the snow fall down. It was still too early to do anything, and it was starting to snow more heavily now. This year saw it start far earlier than normal, it wasn’t even November when it first started. Madoka was pretty sure this was caused by Homura from before they reached their agreement.
Still, getting to see the snow fall as a “normal human” again… It was an amazing feeling. Being with Homura while it happened was doubly so. Even if she was currently asleep. The little moments of life… She was really glad Homura was her friend. After everything they had been through, Madoka couldn’t be more glad to still have Homura.
Madoka began to roll around, facing the purple haired sleeper with drool still evident on her face. She really is beautiful. She was more than happy to have Homura by her side. Without her she would’ve died a long, long time ago. Without her she would still be the Law of Cycles. Without her she wouldn’t ever get to see the snow again. Homura really was her very best friend.
Are we more than friends?
A sudden thought pushed out of Madoka’s mind. She couldn’t exactly say it was the first time she considered this proposition. In all honesty she had thought about it a few times. But seeing Homura right next to her while she thought of it felt different. It made the idea feel more real to Madoka. I know Homura has some type of feelings for me… She told me she loved me a few times alread… Madoka could feel her heart start to beat heavier again. …and I kissed her twice... The reality of her emotions began to set in for Madoka.
Back then, between Madoka regaining her memories, and Madoka and Homura coming to an agreement regaining her memories, she did in fact kiss Homura. Of course, she only did that after slapping her for becoming the devil, which itself was more of a wake up call than anything, and hugging and crying into her for over an hour. In the chaos of it all the importance of such an event must have given way. The other time was an accident, mostly caused by Madoka running straight into her while crossing the hallway at school. Something which only really counted in retrospect.
…And she kissed me once too… On Madoka's 15th Birthday Homura did, in fact, kiss her. Homura gave her a small kiss just to the side of her lips. But it was only a peck, lasting less than a second… The prospect of their friendship being just that, a friendship, was starting to fade away from Madoka’s mind.
…And sure my heart beats faster when I'm close to her and I can’t be alone without thinking about her but… Suddenly, a new realisation would hit Madoka. …Do I have a crush on Homura-chan? Suddenly a lot of things made a lot more sense. Still, Madoka wouldn’t believe this without reason.
She had never had a crush before, so she didn’t really have a frame of reference for how it was meant to feel when someone had one. Unless she was crushing on Homura, in which case she wouldn’t really need one since she would already know how it felt. Madoka’s face was now closer to Homura’s, not by much, but it was noticeable enough for Madoka to realise just how close they were. Homura’s soft breaths touching her skin was the final sign Madoka needed for it to click.
Oh my. Madoka could feel the blush spread across her face. It was starting to feel undeniable, like everything just clicked. She already knew Homura felt love for her. Of course she knew, ever since she became the Law of Cycles she had known. Even if she wouldn’t recognize it. She likes me…and I think I like her back. Madoka could see Homura begin to turn a little. She wouldn’t be awake yet, but Madoka knew Homura would be awake soon. Something she remembered from her time as the Law of Cycles.
I can even tell when she’s about to wake up. Madoka could feel her face getting redder. Feeling Homura’s soft breathing certainly didn’t help. Her heart felt like it was about to jump out her chest. I think I have a crush on Homura. The realization felt far less surprising then how Madoka expected it to feel. Like it was something she already knew yet didn’t believe. I should ask her out on a date.
Madoka could almost feel those words leave her mind and enter onto her lips. She really wanted to. Homura’s birthday was coming up soon, so it would probably be the perfect time to ask her out on one. She would need to start planning one out soon. I’ve never planned out a date before so- A sudden realization would hit Madoka in a way far harder than her previous one did. Do sleepovers and hanging out count as dates?
Madoka could almost feel how red her face must have been. If Homura would wake up now, it would look like Madoka had turned her face into a tomato. They shouldn’t, should they… does Homura think they count as dates? Madoka could just feel how close Homura was to her. If she wanted to, she could kiss her right now. Which was something Madoka really wanted to do again. Yet, her mind kept her body too occupied to act on that desire.
Are we already dating? Madoka could see Homura’s breathing begin to quicken slightly. She was going to be awake very, very soon. I take her to restaurants, and bowling, and picnics and the movies... Madoka’s mind was truly racing now. … And she sleeps in my bed once a week, And sometimes she says she loves me, and I've kissed her and she kissed me… Homura waking up would stop Madoka’s mind before she could continue.
The two were really close now. Homura would see that firsthand. Waking up to see Madoka’s face being very close to her own. Before she could say anything, Madoka would cut her off. “Homura…”. it almost seemed like Madoka was terrified to speak. Slowly she would continue. “...Are we dating?” Homura was surprised to be asked such a question, especially just after she woke up.
“I’ve spent the last half year assuming so”.
Homura would say, confusion evident in her tone. Madoka had no idea how to respond. If everything pointed to them being in a relationship, without Madoka even realizing it… She didn’t even know what to think.
“Oh”.
Madoka could still feel just how red her face was. Something she was sure Homura had already realised. “Did you not realise”? Homura seemed so sad as she spoke. Madoka couldn’t exactly lie to her, nor would she ever consider doing so.
“No”.
Madoka spoke in the same way a child who knows they did something wrong does to their parents. A mix of shyness and guilt poured out of her words. All this did was cause Homura to put her arm around her and hold onto her tightly. “Please don’t be ashamed…” Homura’s tone felt the same as Madoka’s. Both of them realised it, neither would mention it. Neither would have a chance to.
“Do you want to break up?”
Homura’s words felt so sad. As if all the self-worth she had just faded away with Madoka’s misunderstanding. “No, no”. Madoka was almost yelling as she moved in to hug Homura. So clear in her resolve that Homura realised immediately what she was saying. “From now on you're stuck with me, Homura-chan”. Madoka’s face was still visibly red. “And I'm not letting go of you again, okay?” Homura could feel how tight Madoka was now holding her.
“Thank God”. Was all Homura could say as she hugged her girlfriend back.
The two are now looking out of Madoka’s window to see the fall of the cold, November snow. Embracing each other as a way to beat the freezing cold of Madoka’s room. Smiling to one another as they do so. She really is an Angel
“I’m going to need to tell Mama and Papa”.
“I told them 4 months ago lol
“oh”