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Katniss Has a Shotgun

Summary:

Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen are brainswapped into the bodies of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan and vice versa.
Or
Thanks a lot Leo. Katniss with access to werewolves and a pickup truck was just what Forks needed.

Notes:

Here’s the prologue.
Congratulations for being willing to brave the muddied and twisted waters of my mind which formed this foul beast.
Will update whenever the muses see fit

Chapter Text

Long Island, New York
Camp Halfblood
2025
"I’m not sticking around for the explosion," Percy said, scooting back. "The last one took Connor’s eyebrows."
"It did," Connor chimed in. "I had to draw them back."
Leo ignored them more or less and made the finishing touches on the WONDERFUL and PERFECTLY FUNCTIONAL device he’d been working on for the past two months. They were just haters. It would work this time; he’d fixed the loose wire that had blown up before. There was a solid 56% chance of success now. He flipped the choke switch, and yanked on the power cord, and it hummed to life with a sound like Festus sneezing.
"I’m still confused," Frank said. "What exactly does this do? Why'd you call this meeting? Nobody tells me things." He folded his arms and sank back in his seat. Chiron had said that everyone gathering in the Big House was a "fire risk" or something, so Leo had commandeered the pavilion. Frank, Percy, and the Stoll brothers (one eyebrowed, the other not) were the only ones to have shown up. They sat last-supper style at the Apollo table, which happened to be furthest away from Leo’s demonstration.
"You’re all here because THIS," Leo jazz-handed in gesture. "is what will let us win the war against Kronos."
"Umm... we already did that." Percy shifted in his seat.
Leo blinked. "Right. The war against the TITANS."
Frank raised a hand. "We kind of did that when you were gone with Calypso. Speaking of which, I really feel like we should discuss that, because there are a lot of unresolved feelings—"
"Okay okay okay." he waved his hands back and forth. "Whatever war we get into next. This is the key to victory."
"It looks like a weedeater," Travis pointed out.
"Well it is. But I souped it up!" Leo patted it; it started to sputter—he kicked it hard, and it started to hum again. "Celestial bronze fittings, hell hound spit lubricant—this baby is my finest work."
Other than Festus, of course. And the pretzel-kabob. Oh, and the cat dispenser. Alright, fourth finest work, but Leo was amazing and so he still figured that was high praise. "It switches brains."
"Excuse me?" Frank blanched.
"It’s perfectly safe. Here, I’ll show you—"
"SCATTER!"

Tristate Area
Danville
2025
"Hey, Ferb! Look at that! It looks like a beam of brainswitching energy, cutting through time!"
"Actually, I believe it’s a platypus."
"No—up there. Ferb, I know what we’re going to do today."
Forks

Washington
2005
"Bill? Hey, Bill. Did you see that thing in the sky? I just didn’t know if the kids down at the rez were messing with fireworks again. They need a license for—they weren’t?"
Charlie held the phone with the crook of his shoulder and refilled his coffee. Tasted like dirt, but at two a.m. he took what he could get. He pulled the kitchen chair back with his ankle and sat. "Sorry. No, I—gosh, Bill. It’s probably the northern lights. This whole arrangement with Renee and the kid has got me jumpy. Didn’t mean to wake you up. Yup. Bye Bill."
Beep.
Charlie sighed and leaned back in his seat. Took another sip of coffee. He really needed to get to bed, but something in his gut said no. Or it could’ve been the caffeine.
He sat there till the clock read 4.

Train to the Capitol
Car 4
July 5th, 74th Hunger Games
Haymitch didn’t remember exactly when during the night the big green ray hit. All he knew was that the Peacekeepers woke him up too early and hauled him off the train until they could find out what happened. It was cold for the middle of summer. He slept in a bush. Effie yelled at him or something.
Finally the officials chalked it up to a malfunctioning air conditioning unit and let everybody back on.
Haymitch crashed back in bed and slept till noon.