Archive of Our Own

It was a normal afternoon in Danville.

Nothing was different: same routine. Same hints. Same disappointments.

That’s what Isabella thought as she opened her diary to pour onto those pages, once again, her emotions, which over the years had gone from hopeful dreams to something closer to childish fantasy than to reality.

Today Phineas and Ferb built an amusement park.
It was exciting and I had fun but… once again Phineas didn’t understand my message. I don’t know how much clearer I’m supposed to be… I literally told him I’d love to ride the Ferris wheel with the boy of my dreams, and then I asked him to ride it with me and he… he told me he had to supervise something but afterward we could go to the haunted house.

I didn’t want to go to the haunted house; I wanted to go on the Ferris wheel with Phineas… Maybe that’s his subtle way of turning me down so he won’t hurt me. We’re talking about Phineas.

He’s a genius, and there’s no way that after so many years he hasn’t picked up on any of my hints… It makes sense… He doesn’t love me.

I should give up on Phineas.

A drop fell onto the paper, and before she realized it, Isabella was crying over her diary, unable to stop.

The conclusion she had reached and the decision she had to make were burning inside her. After so many years, she had to give up, let Phineas go, and abandon every beautiful future she had dreamed of with him.

That dream would never come true.

She was already fourteen, had just started high school. It was a new stage in her life, and that also meant she had to grow up. Take a step forward and let go of those absurd fantasies that only caused her pain and disappointment. Something that, little by little, was draining her joy.

“Isabella, sweetheart,” her mother’s voice called from afar. “You’re going to be late for your Fireside Girls meeting.”

The girl wiped her tears and stood up abruptly from her desk chair, so quickly and with such clumsy nervousness that she didn’t realize her diary had fallen to the floor, lying wide open.

A careless mistake that would bring consequences and expose her unconditional love for Phineas.

___________

Not far from there, Phineas was in his room lying on his bed, his head resting on his arms as he stared up at the ceiling. He had a strange expression on his face. His brow was furrowed and his mouth was twisted in a grimace that showed the worry he was feeling at that moment.

“Hey, Ferb,” he said as he looked at his stepbrother, who was also lying on his bed just a few inches away from his. “Don’t you think Isabella is acting weird?”

The green-haired boy looked back at him and merely shrugged.Either he really didn’t see anything strange in their friend’s behavior, or he simply didn’t want to dig into it until the redhead realized it himself.

“Do you think I’m imagining things?” Phineas frowned even more. “No. That’s not possible… Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I’ve known Isabella for years and I know something’s wrong.”

The boy sat up on his bed abruptly, his expression now serious. Then, without saying another word, he looked for his shoes, put them on, and headed to the door.

“I might be exaggerating or maybe not, but I’m going to figure out what’s going on with her.”

After closing his bedroom door, Phineas went downstairs with the intention of going to his neighbor’s house.

He wasn’t dumb. Well, nobody thought he was dumb. Everyone believed he was a genius but completely blind to emotional things. And in that, they were wrong.

Phineas also had great emotional intelligence. He had developed it over the years. Maybe at eleven he was still too young or too naïve for some things, but now, at fourteen, Phineas was starting to realize many things and, among them, that Isabella was beginning to drift away.

It wasn’t that his friend had stopped visiting them. If anything, she still came whenever she could to see what they were doing but that was precisely one of the key moments. During the countless days she had come to their backyard, she always spoke in a sweet voice and joined them with enthusiasm; however, that enthusiasm had slowly faded until it became nothing more than a casual question with no trace of emotion in her voice.

Maybe Isabella was tired of them, of their inventions, of the routine or, worse… maybe she was tired of being his friend. Being with him wasn’t as fun as before.

Phineas shook his head, trying to chase away those pessimistic thoughts so unlike his optimistic nature. Isabella wasn’t tired of him. Something was wrong, and he was going to fix it no matter what.
It was that determination that made him gather his courage, cross the street, and ring the doorbell of his neighbor’s house.

While he waited for an answer, Phineas’s mind worked at full speed.

What was he going to say to her?

He couldn’t just show up at her house and tell her she was acting weird. He could offend her or even make her uncomfortable, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He needed an excuse that would make her feel comfortable and slowly open up to him.

But what?

What could justify him going to her house at that hour after spending the whole day together?

He mentally reviewed the afternoon he had spent with Isabella. Her mood had suddenly shifted halfway through the afternoon, but he didn’t remember why.

And before he could even recreate that moment in his head, the front door opened and Isabella’s mother peeked out with a confused look in her eyes.

“Phineas, honey!” the woman exclaimed, surprised to see the redhead at her door. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, hi, Mrs. García-Shapiro,” he greeted politely. “Well… is Isabella home?”

The woman shook her head while opening the door wider, inviting him inside.

“No. I’m sorry, but she just left for a Fireside Girls meeting… Too bad you didn’t come earlier because she’s been here the rest of the afternoon. She came home earlier than usual. I thought she was with you all playing in the backyard,” the woman said innocently. “But don’t worry. She’ll be back soon. If you want, you can wait here for her.”

“Oh. Okay. Thank you very much, Mrs. García-Shapiro.”

“No need to thank me. By the way, you’ve grown so much; you’ve even gotten more handsome!”

“Ah, yes… thank you,” Phineas replied, embarrassed as he sat on the couch. “Then I’ll wait for her here.”

“Of course, sweetheart. I’m heading to work at the restaurant,” the woman said, taking some keys from her purse and walking back to the front door. “There are tacos in the fridge. You should eat more; you’re too skinny.”

“Thanks…”

And without another word, she said goodbye and closed the front door. Phineas heard in the distance the sound of the car engine and then how it faded away down the road.

He sighed awkwardly and rubbed his neck.

Why did all moms always have to do the same thing?

Honestly, he was relieved Isabella hadn’t been there. Phineas still remembered the day his own mother had made those same comments about his friend, but unfortunately, he had been present, and, as if that wasn’t enough, after commenting on how pretty Isabella looked, she had dragged him into the conversation by asking his opinion about it.

And what was he supposed to say?

Isabella was cute. He had told her several times. Well, now she was much more than cute. She was a beautiful girl, but that didn’t mean he had to admit it—especially not in front of his mother.
He was a teenager and, although he wasn’t completely sure why, somehow that made him nervous. However, he would have said it without hesitation if he had known that hearing a simple “yes, of course” would make Isabella look so sad. Something he didn’t understand. Maybe without realizing it, he had hurt her self-esteem. And that was the last thing Phineas wanted to do.

After a while, the boy’s hyperactive nature began to emerge, and the redhead could barely stay still on the couch. He still didn’t know what he was going to say to Isabella, and that was starting to make him nervous.

Hey, Isabella… what’cha doin’?

No. Completely ruled out.

It made him sound dumb and was totally out of place. Maybe for years that sentence had been a sort of inside joke within the group, but it had long stopped being one.

Hey, I’ve been watching you and you seem worried about something?

Watching…

What a horrible choice of words. Discarded.

Isabella, you seem weird… are you okay?

“Weird”…

Would Isabella be offended if he phrased it like that? Or would she understand the genuine concern he felt for her?

He didn’t know. At that moment, Phineas didn’t know anything, and it was overwhelming, stressful, and painful, all at once. But he couldn’t stay like this. She was too important in his life, and something told him that if things continued this way, the situation could even get worse.

While he thought about it, almost without noticing, Phineas had begun wandering through the house, and that was when he noticed that Isabella’s bedroom light was still on.

As a responsible person aware of his surroundings, his first instinct was to go into her room to turn the light off, but the moment his foot stepped on the carpet of his friend’s room, he was mesmerized.

That place screamed Isabella from every corner: from the bright pink walls to the horse paintings, the heart stickers, the Mexican decorations and the Jewish ones. All of it was as much a part of her as Isabella herself.
Phineas smiled to himself, completely forgetting why he had gone into her room in the first place. Isabella might be acting differently, but this room still represented everything he liked about her.

On a corkboard, several photos were pinned up: Isabella with the other Fireside Girls drinking milkshakes, her arm-wrestling with Buford, lots of photos of Pinky, and even one of the two of them with Ferb, Baljeet and Buford smiling at the camera while making funny faces. Reminding Phineas of a time when there were no worries. Just fun… or at least that was what he thought, since he wasn’t aware of how long his friend had been suffering in silence.

There was one more photo on the board and Phineas opened his eyes in surprise.

Why was Isabella still keeping the photo he had taken of her with Mockmacaw?

Was meeting that species of bird so exciting to her that she kept a picture of herself hugging his fake self?

The redhead was still trying to understand the reason behind that when something on the floor caught his attention: it looked like a notebook. It was lying on the floor, open in the middle, probably getting wrinkled since the weight of the cover, being upside down, was crushing the pages.

I don’t think Isabella would like her notebook getting ruined Phineas thought as he bent down to pick it up and then, it was too late because the only word he saw, fleetingly, as he lifted the notebook, was precisely the one that made him discover her secret.

Well, more than a word, it was a name: Phineas.

_______________

Isabella was still in the Fireside Girls’ bathroom, washing her face.

She had cried again. This time even harder. All because she had decided to tell the rest of the girls about her decision to give up on Phineas.

A part of her wished they would stop her. That they would tell her this wasn’t the Isabella they knew, that this wasn’t their leader and reassure her that everything was going to be okay.
That she had to fight and Phineas would eventually return her feelings… but that didn’t happen.

Her friends had answered her with a heartbreaking silence and then gathered around her in a group hug. No one had commented or said anything, and that was enough. They felt the same as she did.

Phineas had to remain just that: a childhood love. Her first love. A beautiful memory that would never become anything more than that: a beautiful and painful memory.

“Isabella, are you okay?” Gretchen asked from the other side of the door. “Do you need to talk about it?”

The girl turned off the faucet and opened the door, finding her friend right in front of her. Little, adorable Gretchen had grown. She wasn’t as short as before, but a teenager who looked at her sweetly with a sisterly concern.

“No, Gretchen, I’m fine,” Isabella replied almost automatically. “I have to go. My mom is waiting for me at the restaurant to give me the keys. I forgot to bring them today.”

And before her friend could answer, she slipped out running toward the exit, leaving the other Fireside Girls worried about their leader’s emotional well-being.

Isabella closed the door and leaned her back against it as she shut her eyes.
Her breathing was shaky, and she felt the knot in her throat threatening to unravel again. At that moment, tiny droplets began slowly soaking the ground, and the girl looked up as they mixed with her tears. It might have sounded poetic, maybe even melodramatic, but the truth was that the rain was the perfect chance to cry without being discovered.

Isabella wiped her tears for the third time that day. She still felt awful, but at least she had let out a little more of the emotions that were about to overflow. It was still too soon. She had been lying to herself for a long time. Lying so much that she had actually begun to believe it. And today, reality had hit her so hard that it seemed to have left her disoriented.

With her heart broken, she headed toward her mother’s restaurant, wishing to get home and lie in her soft bed and wait for this horrible day to end.

Once she arrived, almost on autopilot, she entered through the door and looked for her mother. It didn’t take long to find her. Vivian was at the reception attending a couple of customers. When she saw Isabella, she said goodbye to them and kissed her daughter.

“Isabella. You’re soaked,” the woman said worriedly. “Take the keys and shower as soon as you get home or you’re going to catch a cold.”

“Don’t worry, Mom,” the girl answered, forcing a smile. “I have a very strong immune system. I rarely get sick, remember?”

“I know, mija, but even so it’s better to be careful.”

Isabella smiled and nodded to reassure her mother, but just as she was about to leave through the door, Vivian called her again.

“Speaking of someone who also never gets sick… Phineas is waiting for you at home,” the woman said with a big smile, thinking her daughter would react with the same joy.

But she didn’t.
The moment her mother mentioned the person who had left a hole in her chest all day, the girl froze.

“What did you say?” Isabella couldn’t believe what she had just heard. It had to be the exhaustion. She must have heard wrong.

“Phineas is at home. He says he has something to talk to you about,” her mother repeated, confused. “Honey, is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong, Mom. I’m just tired. See you later.”

And once again, without giving anyone time to respond, Isabella slipped out running into the street.
She must have misheard. There was no way that today, of all days, Phineas was at her house.

She didn’t want to… no, she couldn’t face him.

How was she supposed to look him in the eyes knowing she had to let him go?

And then another worry suddenly hit her.

Had she put her diary away?

___________

Phineas? Why was his name written in that notebook?

If there was anything remarkable about Phineas’s personality, aside from his brilliance, it was his naturally curious nature. Even so, no matter how curious he was, he was also a strong defender of personal privacy, and he would have stayed loyal to that principle if not for the fact that something inside him told him that maybe that notebook held the answer to his doubts and worries.

Maybe with it he could bring back the Isabella he knew:
The cheerful girl who lived every invention with excitement.
The girl he missed so much, whose light he could still sometimes see flickering in the current Isabella.

The boy trusted his instincts and, after getting up from the bedroom floor, prepared to read the page with his name on it.

Today is my birthday and my friends threw me a surprise party. It was all so beautiful, and there were even butterflies!

Phineas smiled as he read it. It was clearly Isabella as a kid. That childlike excitement was unmistakable. Besides, the handwriting, while pretty, looked more childish.

Apparently Phineas had a surprise prepared for me that he couldn’t show me because it disappeared, but I didn’t mind because he invited me to get ice cream.
It was so special!

At that moment, the boy decided he had read enough.
Obviously, it was Isabella’s diary, and he felt bad invading her privacy like that. But then the last line hit him so hard he fell back onto her bed in shock.

He always gives me butterflies.

What did that sentence mean? What meaning did Isabella herself give to that sentence?

Phineas’s head started spinning as he tried to understand, tried to figure out what his friend meant with that strange line. Something urged him to keep reading, and if he was going to do it, he had to start from the very beginning. He had to understand where it all began.

Today I went to see Phineas. He and Ferb built a roller coaster. It was amazing. He’s amazing.

Without stopping to think too much, Phineas flipped through the next pages, reading each one carefully.

Today I had a terrible hiccup attack, but it was worth it because Phineas paid attention to me all day. He built a haunted house for me and didn’t let go of my hand the whole time.

Well, that could still be interpreted as Isabella caring a lot about him, but it didn’t necessarily have to mean anything beyond friendship.

Right?

Although something told him that wasn’t true, and that he would find out if he kept reading.

Today I slipped up and mentioned our grandchildren to Phineas. He looked at me with a face between surprise and confusion. For the first time I think he understood, but I got so scared that I corrected myself immediately and never brought it up again. I don’t want things to get weird.

So I wasn’t imagining things Phineas thought. She really did say “our grandchildren.”

Without giving it another thought, he kept turning the pages.

Today I danced with Phineas…
Today Phineas and Ferb turned my pool into gelatin…
Today Phineas said I’m cute. Well, that it’s a scientific fact, but at least it’s progress.

Why does Isabella care so much that I think she’s cute?

A small laugh escaped Phineas as he read that line.

And then came the moment Isabella wrote about the most dangerous night in all of Danville’s history: the night when living pharmacists invaded the city.
A shiver ran through Phineas’s body. That day, he thought he had lost Isabella.

By that point, far from feeling uncomfortable, he was happy.

Isabella loved him. She loved him very much. And from what he had been able to interpret, after several pages, it wasn’t just friendship. It was something beyond that.

And him?

Did Phineas feel the same way about her?

Yes. Without a doubt.

Maybe he hadn’t realized it, but he had always acted differently with her compared to the rest of his friends or the other girls in the group. He felt different around Isabella but couldn’t put it into words.

Until now.

The eleven-year-old Phineas or the twelve-year-old one could have been confused, or dismissed those feelings as simple friendship, but the current Phineas knew that wasn’t simple friendship. It was impossible for it to be, because what he felt for Isabella was love. Romantic love. That’s why he cared so much about her, and that’s why he knew she was acting strange—because he paid so much attention to her that he could tell when her light was fading.

Did that mean Isabella had stopped loving him?

With a knot in his stomach, Phineas kept flipping through the pages. After discovering that the girl he liked had loved him since they were little, it was terrifying to think she might have gotten tired of him.

After reading a bit more, his nightmare became real but much worse: Isabella hadn’t gotten tired of him. He was hurting her so much without realizing it that he was breaking her. He was the one dimming her light.

I have to give up on Phineas.

Those words left Phineas completely frozen. They were written in capital letters and underlined. Around them, the paper had gotten wet.

“Are those… tears?”

The boy couldn’t think clearly. His brain tried to process everything, but only one thought repeated in his mind like a hopeless loop:

Isabella has given up on you.

And at that moment, a door slammed somewhere near the entrance.

___________

The first thing Isabella thought the moment she stepped through the front door of her house, and the reason she had run all the way from the restaurant, was the diary.

If Phineas found her diary, nothing would make sense anymore. Neither giving up nor not giving up, nor anything at all, because their friendship would be ruined forever.

Although… why would Phineas read her diary?
He wasn’t the kind of person who enjoyed invading other people’s privacy. She was sure of that, and therefore there was no reason for him to read—
Wait… why was her bedroom door open and the light on?

At that moment Isabella stopped thinking entirely and ran straight to her room, not caring about her wet hair, her soaked clothes, or the scolding her mother would give her for leaving muddy footprints on the carpet. In that moment, the only thing that mattered was getting there in time to prevent the inevitable.

“Phineas! Wait! Don’t go into my—”

Too late.

That was all Isabella could think when she saw the boy she was in love with sitting on her bed, eyes wide open, her diary in his hands.

“Phineas… I…”
Isabella covered her mouth with both hands and took two steps back. Not a single word came out after that.

It’s too late, the girl thought again.

There was no point trying to explain anything or invent excuses or even say something, because it was already too late.

Or at least that’s how it seemed to her… right before Phineas suddenly got up from her bed. So fast she didn’t even have time to react or make a sound. She only felt his hands holding her face and the pressure of his lips against hers, silencing all her thoughts at once.

It was a clumsy, desperate kiss, because all Phineas wanted was for Isabella to understand that he felt the same way she did. But the girl was so confused that, using the last bit of rationality she had left, she gently pushed Phineas away from her.

“Why?”
It was the only thing she managed to say before breaking into tears.
“Why now?”

“Isabella…” Phineas answered, confused and hurt by her rejection. “I… I thought that—”

But she wasn’t listening.

“Is it because of the diary?” she asked, not even trying to hide her tears. “I don’t need your pity, Phineas.”

Pity?

She thought he kissed her out of pity?

But what else could she be thinking?

She had decided to give up, and now the boy of her dreams was giving her the kiss she had always dreamed of—right after reading her diary… the boy who had never shown the slightest interest in her beyond friendship. A beautiful, genuine friendship… but friendship nonetheless.

“Isabella, the diary only made me realize how much I’ve hurt you.”

“That doesn’t matter, Phineas. You don’t have to kiss me… You have no right to kiss me just because you think it’ll make me feel better… Please go.”

“Isabella, I—”

“Phineas, please, go.”

“Isabella…”

“Phineas, don’t you understand this only hurts me more?” she said, raising her voice slightly.

She didn’t want to raise her voice or be so harsh with Phineas.
But her whole world had fallen apart—more than it had a few hours earlier.

Her friendship with Phineas was completely ruined.

“And don’t you understand that I’m trying to tell you that I’ve always loved you?”

This time it was Phineas who raised his voice, unable to keep control of the situation.

For a moment, neither of them said a word. Isabella was breathing heavily, and Phineas’s brow was furrowed. After a while, the girl spoke again.

“I know you love me, Phineas, but—”

“Romantically,” the boy clarified.

“What?”

“That I love you romantically,” he repeated.

This time, it was Isabella who sank to the floor in shock. Seeing her like that, so surprised and overwhelmed, Phineas softened his expression and moved toward her, then sat down right beside her.

“I… I don’t understand… You never showed any signs of that.”

The redhead scratched his ear and looked at her, embarrassed.

“I’ve never been especially good at noticing those kinds of things…”

“Then… how…?” Isabella could barely finish a sentence, too stunned to process what was happening.

“Not noticing them doesn’t mean I didn’t feel them.
I’ve always felt different around you, but I never put it into words. At that age everything had to be scientifically provable—like, for example, that you’re cute.”

Both teenagers blushed and looked away.

“But that was a lie. It’s not just a scientific fact. It’s something I actually think and feel.”

On any other day Isabella would have been jumping with joy, but she was still too overwhelmed to speak.

“And the same goes for all my other emotions, feelings, and thoughts about you. They’re all one hundred percent mine.”

Phineas moved a little closer to her and, with a bit of hesitation, took her hand.

“Isabella… don’t give up on me. I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know,” the girl finally replied, but in such a weak voice that Phineas barely heard her.

“What?” he asked.

“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. You’re not that kind of person,” Isabella repeated with a soft smile.“I wouldn’t have fallen in love with someone like that.”

Hearing her say that, Phineas couldn’t help but smile too.

“So you’re still in love with me?” he asked, cheeks slightly pink.

“Yes.” Isabella’s, however, were completely red.

“I’m glad, because I feel the same.”

And with that, Phineas cupped Isabella’s face in his hands again, searching her eyes for any hint of doubt or discomfort. But instead, she simply leaned her head into one of his palms and closed her eyes in silent invitation.
And that was the only signal Phineas needed to bring his lips to hers once more.

This time with no tension, no stiffness from the previous kiss, no fear.
Everything was in perfect harmony.

Both of them sitting on the floor.
Phineas cradling Isabella’s cheeks between his hands while she wrapped her arms around the back of his neck to pull him closer.
Both refusing to let go of each other now that they had finally found one another.

Phineas could feel her warmth and softness, just as she felt his tenderness.
And they didn’t need to say or do anything more to finally show each other that they were truly meant to be.