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Spencer Reid blink his eyes tirelessly as he walks the few steps to the front entrance of his apartment, the light above him flicker on and off as he pick through his ring of keys in one hand, looking for the fairly new key that the landlord had given out to each tenant four weeks ago, a new security thing as a few blocks away robbings have been going on in the city, Jerry, the landlord became paranoid, worrying about if his apartment that he overlooked will be next, so a new lock was put on the front door and he also fix the speaker box for it to actually work if anyone to try and buzz in the place, but some how the guy couldn’t change out the light bulb that was about to die at any minute, a estimate of a day or two left before it burns out, Spencer thought to himself as he finally found the right key, unlocking the door.
Reid feet drag onto the old black and white checkered pattern, millennial floors as he walk over to the winding staircase that laid all the way up to the fourth and final floor of the building, luckily Spencer live on the second floor, as he walks up every step the young doctor tries to mentally clear his mind of the latest case the team just got back from in black oak, Arkansas population just 230.
Five children had been abducted from their homes, all between the ages of six to eight, at night with no trace left behind, as if they were never there in the first place sleeping in their beds, in their homes with the rest of their families. The local police force that only had two deputies and a sheriff had look for any signs for those children, they came up with nothing, the party search that almost everyone in town help organize came up empty handed as well, they needed help so Arkansas FBI was contacted, apparently they were up to their ears with open cases, someone made a call, asked for a favour from Gideon, next thing the five of them were on the jet, Garcia staying behind, seeing what magic she could come up with on her computers for the team.
It only took two days, Mark Cape, 6”4, brown eyed and sandy blonde hair, caucasian male, 38 years old. He was a resident in Black oak, had move there four years ago, He mostly kept to himself, quiet, never spoke much, most people him and Elle had spoke to in town kept saying the same thing, he only came in to go to the local small grocery store once every two weeks, never spoke and seemed very skittish, very anxious to leave. Things changed after the third child was taken, Mark had the same demeanour but came over to the grocery store more often, buying more than his average handful of groceries.
Hotch had send Reid and Morgan to try and speak to Mark, try to scope out his house.
It didn’t end well, at all. As soon Mark answer the door both Morgan and Reid introduced their selves, showing their ID badge, Mark freak out, slamming and locking the front door to his one story ranch house in the two agents faces. Derek end up kicking the door down, as Reid made a call over the radio, requesting back up immediately before the two of them raise their guns, walking into the home, Morgan put himself in front of Spencer as they sweep around the surrounding space, the living room, kitchen, dining room all clear.
“Morgan…” Spencer whisperer over to the older man, his ears catching the sound of low hush voices coming from the hallway to the right hand of Reid. Derek nod, the two of them heading down that way, Spencer took lead, testing out the door knob to the room where the sounds were coming from, “Mark…” Reid said, keeping his voice quiet and steady as he look down at the man and all the five children that he have surrounding him, holding onto them with his arms, “Mark, man let them go…” Derek said next to Spencer. “No!.. No!” he shouted, causing two of the youngest looking children to jump in his arms, “You’re scaring them, scaring them all… please Mark just let them come with us” Spencer said, softly, him and Derek moving closer into the small laundry room.
“Stay away from us!” Mark yells, pulling his left arm behind himself, revealing a small pistol.
“Put it down Mark, Put down the gun” Morgan said, watching as the children try to scramble away from the blonde man, all of them letting out frightened cries. “Y-Your not taking them away!” Mark cry out, the hand he’s holding the pistol in begin to shake as he point it towards Reid and Morgan.
“I-I don’t want to die, please!” One boy, about seven, with big watery, dark grey eyes cry out, looking between Morgan then Reid. “Your not” Spencer respond, trying his best to keep his voice from shaking.
“They are mind! I’m not losing my kids, not again” Mark said, shaking his head as he frantically turns off the safety on the pistol.
Both Reid and Morgan stole a look at each other by the corner of their eye, my kids? Neither of them have the full story at most they just thought maybe the guy would told them to fuck off and get off his property, might be corroborative, answer their question.
Suddenly everyone froze in place, “MARK ALAN CAPE YOU ARE SURROUNDED” The voice of Hotch yelled for outside the house, so clearly Reid was more then sure everybody inside the house heard him just fine.
“Mark, please let those kids go, so they can get back to their families” Reid said, trying to keep his voice calm as Mark began to completely freak out, sobbing, waving around the guy, “Not taking my kids, not taking my fucking kids” he repeats through his cries. Sounding louder than all the children, the two girls and three boys whose shaking and crying uncontrollably.
Everything shifted way too fast for Reid, in a split second Mark turned the gun on himself, neither Derek or him had enough time to talk him out of his unfortunate decision as he pull the trigger as soon he had press the pistol to the right side of his head, bullet move clean through his skull, lodging itself in the wood of the nearby wall, luckily missing everyone in the room, blood splatter everywhere, on haft of the children, Reid and Morgan both immediately rush towards the children, its far too late for Mark.
The big grey eye boy was the first to reach out, wanting to get away from the lifeless body, he end up clinging onto Spencer the blood on the side of his face smearing with the blood that had landed onto Reid’s sweater fest as he hide his face in the young man’s chest, crying and shaking.
Back In close time as Hotch, Elle and Gideon and the small group of three local officers race over to Mark house, Garcia call in. “Hotch! Got your man, Mark Cape? A few years back live in upstate Buffalo, New York with his wife and five children, two girls, three boys, all brunettes, just like the missing children, the wife Sarah one day on Saturday morning, gather up all the children take them on a drive and headed right off into Lake Erie, she drowned all six of them that day, from what I can find, Sarah had no signs of any reasons to do such a thing, Mark was beyond distraught, there was a local news article I found saying multiple people had to help drag him out of the church, he couldn’t handle it at the funeral service”.
“A emotional mental breakdown, psychotic episode” Gideon say in the front seat next to Hotch, both him and Elle jerk back a little as Hotch hit the gas pedal a bit harder.
After hearing the single gunshot outside, Hotch made a choice of everyone moving inside the house.
Two ambulance was call onto the scene, from the nearby town of Jonesboro as Black oak didn’t have a hospital, the paramedics zip up Mark in a body bag after they had the clear chance to, then they check out all the children one by one, Spencer and Derek had to come along as the boy, that got identify as James was still holding onto something tight to Reid, Morgan walking close next to the young doctor, keeping a protective hand on Reid’s back as he carry the boy to the back of one of the ambulances, as a female paramedic look all three of them over, ignoring Derek when he claim he was fine, wanting her to focus on Reid and the boy.
Not one child was harm in anyway, Elle and Morgan talked to them, even shaking up and probably more then a bit traumatized, all of them said the same thing, Mark didn’t hurt them.
“H-He was nice, give us snacks le-let us watch tv… only the cartoon channels though, He said the other channels are for grownups only” James stutter, still shaking against Reid chest as Morgan carefully ask him questions. “He never hurt us, not once…” James said, shaking his head when Morgan ask if Mark had hurt him or the other children in anyway, he means anyways, “He only got mad if we ask to go outside, o-or if we didn’t call him dad, didn’t let him call us by the wrong names” James explains. “Will the tall man be okay?” The boy ask to Morgan with big, round eyes. Derek didn’t have the heart to answer James question, just padding his hair softly, offering him what he hopes was a warm smile, Reid rub small circles on James back, trying to give the boy some type of comfort.
Morgan and Reid didn’t leave until all the girls and boys got picked up by their families, “B-Bye Spencer, De-Derek” James said as his parents come to bring him back home. “I hope he don’t need too much therapy, all of them” Morgan said, just to full in the heavy silence, knowing what he hope for was bullshit, sadly knowing all of those kids will have some type of trauma even with intense therapy, Spencer didn’t respond, just reach for his hand, Derek didn’t pull away from him.
The flight back to Virginia happened the same day, later that night, the team didn’t hit the pavement until 12am, everyone part their ways, except Derek. “You sure, you don’t want a ride to your place?” He ask the younger man for the third time, “Y-Yes I’m certain” Reid said as they step into the elevator, leaving the bullpen, Morgan swallow nothing around in his throat, catching the way Spencer hands fidget sporadically, he shouldn’t have but Derek let the whole thing go, unwilling though, not wanting to push Spencer any farther then he already is.
_______
Spencer reach his apartment, he walks into the dark space, shutting and locking the door behind him, Reid drops his messenger bag and the go to bag he takes with him on long cases on his couch, the one Derek help him move in when he first got the apartment. The memory flash in his mind of Him complaining at his desk over to Elle how he couldn’t find a mover who was willing to walk up two fights of stairs with the couch he just bought, Morgan overheard and offer to help, it was the first time Derek had seen Spencer new apartment, a historical building of the early 1900s, they argue back and forth a bit on the stairs, Derek holding one end of the couch and Spencer holding the other end, even though Morgan was pulling most of the weight. “Reid, lift up your side more” Derek told the younger man again, as the stairs, about to turn into a curve, “I am! If I lift it up anymore, i’ll lose my balance and fall downstairs, Morgan” Reid, said, or what Derek would call Spencer “whining” The older man roll his eyes, “Your not going to fall”.
Morgan was right, Reid didn’t fall, after ten minutes of Spencer having Derek turning the damn plush amber colour couch in all different kind of directions, he finally pick on a angle he likes. “Stop, right there” Spencer insist as Derek drag the couch on the hard wooden floor, having it facing the small fireplace that was about 87 years old, in the middle of the floor, the back of it facing the direction of the open front door, where Spencer was leaning against the inner frame.
“That where I had it in the first place!” Morgan said, looking over at the younger man with wide eyes. “I didn’t like it the first time” Reid said, shaking his head slightly as he closed the door, walking farther into his apartment. “I love it now, though, thank you” Reid says, smiling softly toward the older man, Derek scoff, mostly at himself, not understanding how his annoyance didn’t outweigh his fondness for the young doctor in front him.
“You own me dinner, kid” Morgan said, didn’t allowed himself to break out into a small until he pulls Spencer into a hug, ruffling his neatly slick parted hair, that’s starting to get a bit longer with a hand, chuckling as Reid let out a annoyed sound at him doing so, He drop a soft kiss on top of Reid’s head without hesitation before pulling away from the hug with Spencer.
On that Saturday morning in may, neither man thought they will be spending their rare day off together in Spencer’s apartment.
The memory fade away from Spencer as he reach his bathroom that located inside his bedroom, he squinted his eyes at the rather bright light that fills the bathroom as he hit the light switch on the nearby wall. Something heavy grow and blossom in Spencer chest, see the dry blood that still lingers on his sweater and button up shirt through his reflection from the mirror that hangs above his sink.
No one had a chance to change, as soon everything wrapped up in Arkansas they headed right back to Quantico. Spencer turns on the water in his tub, waiting for it travel up to the showerhead, as the water heats up, Reid began to peel off all of his clothes, one piece after another. Reid scrub himself underneath the flow of hot, steaming water, he didn’t stop until the water underneath his feet wasn’t a dirty grey, brownish, red color anymore.
Spencer got out the shower, looking like a wet puppy that been left out in the rain.
He grab a clean towel from the small cupboard where all his neatly folded towel are at. Reid quickly run the towel over his head, before drying off his body, Spencer blindly grab some clothes to sleep in, a well worn cal tech t-shirt and a pair of pyjama shorts, a long drag out yawn fall out of Spencer’s mouth, running a hand over his still very damp hair, that was curling and waving up in its natural state as he shuffle over to his bed that he missed way too much. Spencer right foot softly knock against the bottom stand of his footboard as he heard the soft but very real sound of his cell phone ringing, once, then twice, it stop before it began ringing all over again.
He wants to ignore it so bad, just crawl under his sheets and heavy comforter, just sleep as long as he possibly could with no interruption.
As who ever was calling him have must’ve redial his phone number for the third time, Spencer couldn’t ignore it. It must’ve been something urgent, he shamefully hope it wasn’t Hotch, calling for a new case.
Standing there in the dark area of his living room, Spencer frowned to himself with cross eyebrows as he got his hands on his still ringing phone, seeing the number was a Nevada Las Vegas area code, that he doesn’t recognize. “Hello?..” Reid said, answering the mystery call anyway.
“Hello, am I speaking to Spencer Reid?” A female voice ask on the other end of the line.
“Yes, this is Dr. Spencer Reid, um, whose calling?”
“Are you sitting down Dr. Reid?” The woman ask.
Are you sitting down, is never a thing you want to hear. “I-what is this about? Who is this?” Reid ask, the tiredness left his body, getting replace with a light feeling of anxiousness. “This is Michelle Gavin from the coroner office, i’m sadly calling you about the passing of your father, William Reid” Spencer stumble over his feet, sitting down onto his couch.
The dark shadows of his furniture in the living room, began to blur in his limited eyesight.
“I’m sorry it took me a while to find you…” Michelle went on to say sounding sympathetic.
Spencer chest squeeze something awful, “H-How long he been… deceased for?” He whisper. “Two weeks ago, November the 9th, he got brought in to me on that Friday night, my condolences” Michelle told Reid.
Two weeks ago, on Friday Spencer went out with Derek and Penelope to the movie theatre, they went to see a new movie, paranormal activity, Spencer was watching a fucking movie and getting pick on by Morgan and Garcia for not able to pick up his vegetable chow mein with his chopsticks at some Chinese restaurant, when his father corpse was bring into the coroner office.
“H-How um… did he die?” Spencer choke out, a new question, he was too stun to realize how emotional he’s sound.
“A heart attack, it seem to come on very sudden not much could’ve been done, when his wife called the paramedics, he was already gone”
Wife… Wife?
“You must’ve gotten mixed up the only wife he had was my mother?” Spencer said, confusion mixing with his untouched feelings.
“I—Holly Green is listed down for his wife?” Michelle said back, sounding just as confused.
‘He got remarried without even telling me?’ A broken little voice whispered in the back of his mind. “I.. I- have no idea who that is. I haven’t spoken to him in two years” Reid said, his voice beginning to shake a little, remembering the case in Las Vegas, remember how he felt when he realize his father was only 10 minutes away, never bothering once to see him, to call, to write him a damn letter, anything.
“I’m sorry, when I found out he had a child while I was going through some paperwork that I have to fill out, I tried searching for you. It took longer than I thought” Michelle said, “I’m sorry” She apologize once again.
“Do I— his body?” Spencer ask, barely able to get his mouth to cooperate with his brain, luckily Michelle understands what he was trying to say.
“He had been cremated, as far what I have been told— and technically I shouldn’t disclose this, but Miss Green had supposedly scattered them at Mojave desert, she said it holds significant value for her and your father” Michelle explained, feeling sorry, she can tell the man on the other end of the call was holding back tears.
A choke up sob tries to escape his throat, but Reid quickly swallow it down, keeping it at bay.
‘There’s nothing left…’
“So, th-there’s no-thing else to… discuss then?” Reid clumsily replied, his speech still hindered by his bubbling emotions.
“No… I suppose not, just wanted to give you a courtesy call, I’m not completely certain if your father have a will or not but you can call the Clerk County Court or maybe Family Resources”
Reid knows this, knowing there are many ways for him to find out something so simple, if his father left behind, a will, a trust but he’s not too concern about it. “Thank you, Michelle.” Spencer said, his tone low and wavering, he suddenly hung up the phone after that, not waiting for the woman to respond.
Spencer thought he couldn’t breathe, looking through blurry vision toward the window, the close blinds glowing a deep orange from the tall street lamps outside. He twitch softly, shocked by the sound, the sound of his sobs, wet and raw, his whole body is shaking, so bad Reid couldn’t keep his hands up properly to hide his face in them.
He hate it, hate it all, the way his mind get flooded and twisted around with memories that he haven’t thought about a lot in a long time with William, his father holding him by the hand as they walk to the park, searching for birds, William pointing as he describe them to a young three year-old Spencer, “It’s a Mourning Dove, my boy” William smiles softly. The chaotic, shouting, his father piercing screams that he throw in his mother direction, “You’re so incompetent! I can’t stand being around you Diana” He remembers how his mother hands tremble, “You’re ruining everything, our son! The way he twitch, can’t stay still for one second, J-Just becoming odd, you’re rubbing off on him, it’s a damn tragedy” Spencer watched and listen from the sidelines, tuck away in the corner of the wall behind the living room entrance, where his father and mother was.
That’s the day Spencer truly realize at the young age of four, how much of a shameful thing him and mother was to William, sometime a week after that, William Reid disappear from their lives out of thin air. Like if he wasn’t ever there in the first place.
Spencer drop off from the couch, his body too overwork and heavy for him to hold up, his right cheek hits the area rug, the wool fabric rubbing against the side of his face as he curl into himself, the broken sobs turning into deep, gutted wails.
It’s so bad, Spencer couldn’t even keep up with how long he been on the floor.
Unknowing time pass by before Reid had the smallest ounce of strength to lean up against his couch, his back hitting the solid object, he try wiping away his tears, it wasn’t no use as more quickly escape from his eyes all over again.
His breathing became harsh, something hot and dark pool deep in his chest, soreness turning into something ugly, Spencer force himself up, his legs a bit unsteady, he cried while he walks over to his tall, dark wood, fully stock bookshelf that’s against the wall in the corner of his living space. He grab it from the side, pushing it with all of his force, feeling the sudden raging anger coming over him in one blow, not caring how loud the banging, thud it made as it fall down to it demise on the hardwood floor. He screams, a shatter, broken scream, sounding as if someone is forcefully removing his vocal cords.
Spencer kicks the shelf, hearing it creak, not caring if any of his books got damaged, even the paperbacks, he didn’t react to whoever lives underneath him when they began to hit the ceiling that connect to his floor.
He’s losing it.
Spencer feels like he’s slipping away from himself, it’s really starting to scare him.
He rush back over to the couch, feeling for his phone in the dark, on the cushions, needing help.
The glowing light cover his face as he look through his call log, stopping at Gideon phone number, hesitating before he scroll down, finding Derek’s.
______
“For fuck sake—“ Morgan grumble sleepy, hearing his phone ring from his small nightstand next to his bed, he twist around his sheets, reaching out for his cell without even looking.
He answer in time, before whoever it was could hang up. “Morgan?” Derek said, holding the phone close to his ear as he lazily rest his head on the pillow he’s laying on, honestly Derek was about to hang up after a few seconds past by with no response on the other end, that was until he catch the sound of a heavy, shaky sigh, that follow up with a broken little sob. ‘Spencer’ Morgan all of a sudden didn’t feel so sleepy anymore as he shot up from bed, turning on the side lamp in the process.
Three times, three times, Morgan had really heard what it sound like when Reid cried, and right now it’s one of those times again.
“Reid? What’s going on?” He ask.
“I—he’s died… my dad… Morgan I-“ Spencer couldn’t talk straight through his sobs, giving up half way as he couldn’t bear it anymore.
Derek hunch over himself, holding the cell as close as he could to his ear. It didn’t take much for him to place together the scatter words of Spencer, Mr. Reid is dead and gone.
“You need me? Want me to come over to you?” Derek asks, already getting out of his bed, searching for his boots that he had carelessly thrown somewhere in his room, when he had gotten back to his house, he immediately stripped down to nothing, craving nothing but a hot shower and proper sleep in his own bed for once.
Nothing more then a little whimper come in response, something broken and vulnerable. “I’m heading over there right now, just stay put for me baby boy” the affected name left Morgan mouth without a hint of hesitation, he quickly bend down to pick up his boots that was laying next to his dresser.
Derek didn’t bother changing his clothes, just grabbing a zip up hoodie, putting it on over his old US Navy tshirt, “You still there?” He ask, realizing he couldn’t hear Spencer quiet sobs and heavy breaths anymore, “Shit—“ Morgan curse out softly, pausing to check his phone, seeing Reid had hung up without him even noticing, that just make Morgan move even faster, snatching his wallet and keys off top of his nightstand before rushing out the house, to his silver mazda rx-8.
______
Spencer phone slip through his hand after hearing Morgan reassuring words, saying he’s coming to him. ‘It’s okay, Morgan coming” he try to comfort himself, it didn’t do much though.
He lie down back on the rug, not understanding how he’s still able to cry, cringing at himself when his brain short circuit when trying to come up with a factual conclusion on why he can’t stop himself from bawling his eyes out, weeping so pitiful.
He tries shielding his sensitive eyes, when out of nowhere the whole room got bathe into light.
“Spencer?” He hears a familiar voice call out for him.
“Spencer?” Derek call out, as soon he got himself into the younger man’s dark apartment, he flip on the light switch for the kitchen, then the second one for the living room space that’s connected together as both spaces share a open floor.
Derek scan over the living room, seeing the bookshelf he had set up for Reid not even two months ago was on the floor, books getting squished underneath, “Oh-“ Derek whisper out, didn’t mean to sound so pitiful, but how could he when he walks farther into the living room, around to the side of the couch to see Spencer laying on the floor, curl around himself, shaking something terrible, smell whimpers leaving from the kid.
It’s a heartbreaking sight.
Morgan fall to his knees next to Spencer, moving closer to the young man. “Spencer?…” he whisper, frowning a little when Reid didn’t respond, staying curl in on himself, rocking a little in a unsteady manner, “Spencer?” He try again, moving Reid hair away from his face with a gentle hand, it’s wild and messy, soft, Derek never seen it like this, didn’t know Spencer hair have waves, curls.
Spencer eyes open, full with tears, looking a bit lost. “H-He… gone, I-I” He stutter out, another tired cry left his trembling lips.
There was only a bit of open space between Spencer and the small coffee table, but Derek make it work, squeezing himself into place on the rug. “I’m sorry, Baby” He say, sincerely, pulling Reid closer to him, not caring as Spencer buried his face into his chest, weeping new tears.
He stayed quiet, just holding the younger man tighter, knowing for experience there’s nothing that can be say to fix anything.
They lay there together for a while, Spencer after a long time finally calm down a bit, to the point where he wasn’t crying as much, his tears slowing down a little as Derek rub his lower back through his shirt.
“H-How you got here so fast?” Reid mumble in Morgan’s chest, couldn’t help but to ask the question. His weakened body move along with Derek’s as the older man own body moves a bit as he let out a little, light laugh. “We live 20 minutes from each other, I might’ve also drive a bit faster than I should, Miss Carla downstairs let me in through the front door, then I used my spare key” Derek explain the whole event of how he got here, calling the second copy of Reid’s apartment key “his key” that got into his possession by the younger man, when a bad leaking faucet in Spencer bathroom was driving him a bit crazy, Morgan told him he can fix it easy, the only day he could do it was on the same day Spencer had a lecture at Georgetown, so the night before, at the BAU unit, Reid slipped the key over onto Derek’s desk before leaving, Morgan kept it and never returned it.
Reid nod his head, against Morgan chest, listening onto the older man.
“I-I’m… so, s-sorry for calling you” Reid stutter, the sorry words as he pulls back a bit from Derek, pulling himself together enough for him to look Morgan in the eye.
Derek frown a little, feeling his heart twist at hearing what Spencer just said. “You needed me, I’m happy you call me” Morgan said, bringing a hand up to Reid’s face, wiping Spencer face dry.
“You shouldn’t be alone like this” Morgan told him, bringing his face close to Reid, pressing his lips against Spencer mouth, something soft and gentle, Derek been wanting to do that for a while now, it wasn’t a perfect time to do so, but it’s too late to take it back now.
Reid wasn’t sure why? But he began to cry all over again, the kiss that ended too abruptly before he had a chance to respond back, didn’t scared him, it didn’t make him feel shocked, maybe he was too numb, wasting all of his emotions on his father, but what he do know is that, he never wanted Morgan to let him go, especially now. “Don’t leave me please…” It came out through a pitiful, broken whimper, coming off as a begging plead to the older man, pushing himself closer to Morgan, needing to be held by him again.
Derek bit his lower lip, despising how broken Spencer is, he holds Spencer close, wrapping his arms around Reid’s shaking body. “I’m never leaving you, Baby boy, I’m here, I’m here.” He promise, hiding his face in Spencer’s hair, feeling like they are the only two people left in the world.