Work Text:
30 September, 1889
Dearest Lucy,
Do not read this aloud, dear one. This is for you and you alone…
I hope you are settling in well at your school, my darling! It has been only five weeks since I have seen you last, but it feels like a millennia. How I wish I could have followed you to your finishing school! Exeter has been so very drab without you.
Well, I revoke that statement. Exeter has perhaps not been so terrible as I make it out to be. I hope you do not take offense to that statement, but I believe that when I tell you the reason why you will quite understand.
Here is the news: Jonathan has been in London with his guardian since the beginning of summer, and only just came home last week. As I’m sure you know, as we speak about it every time we meet, Jonathan is the man I have planned to marry since my eleventh winter, when we were but children.
As I said, he came home just last week, and he has been quite busy. He has barely had any time at all to speak to me, occupied as Mr. Hawkins keeps him. Despite this, he somehow found the time to invite me to his flat for dinner with Mr. Hawkins. Grandmother could not go with me, due to her increasing senility, as would normally be proper [as I’m sure you know, being at your finishing school!] but bid me go anyway. I am quite glad she trusts Jonathan so, though I felt perhaps a bit bad, as I am not… sure she entirely knew who he was. I am sure your own mother would never allow such a thing. She barely tolerates me in her home after she caught us last spring!
Well, I ventured to the lodging that Mr. Hawkins rents for Jonathan. I am also quite glad that Mr. Hawkins is as kind as he is, and as upstanding a man. I am sure that, were he anyone else, I would never be permitted to venture to Jonathan’s flat.
Now, Lucy, you may be yawning as you read [more likely you are rapt, knowing your interest in my love life]. Here is where it gets interesting, and quite scandalous! I never thought myself or Jonathan to be so disreputable but-!
Lucy, I grin as I write! As wicked as it was, it was thrilling.
Well, Mr. Hawkins left early, as he worried he would have a sudden flare up of his gout and be unable to sleep. Before he left the parlor to go back to his own home, he made me vow to leave once the hour was up, and bid Jonathan to walk me home. We agreed easily, and he left.
Oh, the string of events was most perfect! This was the first time we had ever been alone together, totally alone, and before long we were grinning sideways at each other, like thieves.
Do not admonish me, darling, we did not plan anything at first. I was totally sure that I would leave before the hour was up- and I did! We were reading- or, well, I was. Jonathan was working on a draft of a contract, apparently, which I occasionally assisted him with.
Well, it was one of those moments that I kissed him on the cheek. I have, of course, kissed him on the cheek before, as I have you and Kate, but I suppose the circumstances were quite different, as his entire face burnt bright red, from his cheeks to his ears! His face took on this sort of melt-y expression, and he turned and, quick as a flash, kissed me on the lips.
But, Lucy, it was not the sort of kiss that two friends of the opposite sex might share, no, not even ones such as Jonathan and I. It was more the sort that we may have shared before your mother caught us.
He darted back as soon as he had come, and I fear we both had quite shocked expressions on our faces. Even he who initiated the kiss looked quite startled! He apologized breathlessly, in that embarrassed voice he is known to put on when we so much as brush hands. I laughed, and, again, his face melted. I told him it was quite alright, and that if he should like he may do it again. His eyes widened like dinnerplates!
And, Lucy!
He did it again!
But, this time, it was longer. He did not dart back as he did before, and I found myself leaning into it. I was quite glad I have had experience with you. I must say, however, it was quite different kissing a man than a woman. Though Jonathan is not yet seventeen, he has begun to shave, and I could feel a bit of stubble on his chin. His hair, too, is much shorter than yours. His lips, though, were quite soft!
It wasn’t long before my hands were carding through his hair, and Lucy, I had never felt so soft a texture, except of course your own hair. His own hands had moved to the small of my back.
As terribly indecent as it may have been, and as fast as my heart may have been racing as a result, I had never felt more happy. I cannot imagine what life will be like when we are wed, after he passes his exams, whenever that may be.
Lucy, we did not go far- the tolling of the bell alerted us it was time to go- but it has only filled me with more desire to wed this man! And perhaps to get him alone once again. I foresee quite a happy marriage.
I am sure this letter is quite a stark contrast to the propriety they must be drilling into you at your school, but I hope you do not mind. In fact, I am sure you don’t!
I love you my darling, and look forward to visiting you! Write back!
Yours,
Wilhelmina Murray
P.S. Apologies for the shorter letter.