Archive of Our Own ^beta

Anger

It wasn’t even 8:00 am, and Kyle was already fighting off the urge to kill Eric Cartman. Usually, the feeling of disdain didn’t show up so early, and yet here he was. 

“And so again! I ask you… How could a flag be moving in space? You know, where there’s no AIR? But of course, the Jews would have us believe in the moon landing, and make us believe the Moon is real too. Which, may I remind you, is fake!”

Butters gasped, leaning over the edge of his bus seat in awe. Across three rows heading to their elementary school was the usual gang. Butters and Kenny in the back, Eric in the middle, with Stan and Kyle up front. Eric had been convincing Butters on loads of conspiracy theories the whole trip, with a worrisome amount of success.

Most mornings started out like this, Cartman doing anything he could to entertain himself, usually at the expense of Kyle’s sanity. It was a cycle that Kyle had now become accustomed to. Eric would say some bullshit, and Kyle would get mad. You’d think at this point, he wouldn’t bat an eye anymore. However, being ten years old could bring only so much maturity. The redhead glared at Eric, feeling the bomb that was his anger ignited. 

“Don’t listen to him, Butters,” Kyle groaned, “He’s just targeting you because you’re the most gullible.”

“See here!!! Kyle, the known Jew who ALSO runs Hollywood, is trying to lead you astray!” Cartman placed a hand to his forehead for dramatics.

“Oh, Hamburgers, he is all those things!” Butters gave Kyle an anxious glance. From the corner of his vision, Kyle saw Stan sigh and settle in, getting ready for the big blowup. Butters continued nervously, “You faked the moon landing??” 

“What- No! I wasn’t even alive when that happened!”

“SEE HERE!! He just ADMITTED that the faking DID HAPPEN!” Cartman gave a knowing grin, and Kyle felt his face heat with frustration. 

Kyle always thought of himself as someone who fought for truth and knowledge, the self-appointed ‘voice of reason’. He felt pride and satisfaction in getting people to hear his takes, teaching people something they might not have known before. He may have put a little too much self-worth on that aspect of his personality than he should have, and Cartman seemed to have caught onto this years ago. He always found ways to make Kyle’s hard-kept facade break.

“I didn’t! And there's NO WAY you think the moon is fake! How else would we have tides in the ocean?” Kyle shot back.

Butters nodded his head to agree with Kyle, but leaned in when Eric held up his pointer finger, “... Lesbian aliens, when their periods sync up.”

“What does that EVEN MEAN?” Kyle cried out, shooting a glare towards a giggling Kenny. His so-called friends, everyone. They were on the chopping block now.

“YOU should know, I thought you were the smart, gay one!” 

“It doesn’t COUNT when your ‘facts’ are things you pulled OUT YOUR ASS-”

“So you want to control KNOWLEDGE too? Not just the media??? You jews are all the same, Jesus.”

“THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH-”

A sudden blare of the bus horn made all five of the boys (and every kid who was listening in for their morning entertainment) jump in surprise. An angry voice rang through the bus, giving a vaguely threatening yell at them to keep it down. 

Kyle quickly flipped around, facing forward with a scowl on his face. Of course, he didn’t get the last defense, and now Butters would be giving him awkward looks all day. And Eric was now acutely aware of how much this topic pissed him off and would be hitting jabs all day. Perfect, just perfect. This is exactly how he wanted to spend his day. Stuck in a knowledge prison while being poked and prodded by the heavyweight until he broke. 

Kyle was still fuming when he felt the gentle look of his super best friend. Kyle’s eyes snapped to Stan, who was tilting his head with a sympathetic gaze. He seemed to be reading the redhead, trying to empathize without his words just yet. Kyle huffed, turning away. He didn’t particularly want the sympathetic gaze; he was pissed off, not hurt.

“What is his problem?” Kyle’s rant began, “The fatass has nothing better to do but damage Butters’ impressionable mind? Stupid tub of lard…”

Stan nodded along, “Kenny will look out for Butters, don’t worry, dude. Cartman just likes seeing your reactions.”

“But it's fucking ANNOYING. Cartman’s probably giving us an evil grin right now!” He continued to grumble. He decided not to give Cartman the satisfaction of looking over his shoulder, sticking his chin up instead. Stan blinked, seeming to get lost in his own thoughts. This action went unnoticed by Kyle.

“The dumbass is so moronic… he probably doesn’t even understand how to do basic arithmetic. Or what long division is. Or even how many planets there are! Is it his persistence? Or his overwhelming stupidity?? I swear, if he bugs us again, I’m going to-”

Suddenly, Kyle was wrapped up in a tight embrace. His breath caught as Stan squeezed, leaning his cheek against Kyle’s. All his frustration and anger were quickly washed away, leaving him limp in his best friend's arms. The wild rant of curses and insults in his head was stopped; a soft, warm buzz replaced them. He blinked a couple of times before looking down at Stan, eyes wide. Kyle’s Super Best Friend pulled away awkwardly.

“Um- sorry… I just thought- You seemed really stressed, and I thought maybe you’d like a hug?” Stan fumbled through his explanation, face flushed from embarrassment.

“No, that- calmed me down… Thank you,” Kyle answered sincerely, “... it was nice.”

Stan's face beamed in response. Taking his words as an invitation, Stan wrapped his arms around Kyle, who happily reciprocated. Kyle couldn't help but feel grateful for his best friend. Somehow, the raven had known he was spiraling and reached out in his own sweet way. The two clung to each other happily, their body heat keeping each other warm in the cold bus. Kyle was so wrapped up in his happy feelings that he didn’t even bat an eye when Cartman noticed and scoffed out a “Get a room, fags!”

Sadness

Kyle closed the front door quickly, finally coming home. Freshman year of high school was coming to an end. Being the good and involved student he was, the redhead had enrolled in a couple of clubs and tutored students who were struggling throughout the year. All these extracurriculars did make him stay at school a little longer, but that was fine. Plus, coming home late could come in handy on days like these. 

All these added activities may have been taking more of a toll on him than he wanted to admit. With less time to see friends and relax, focusing more time on work, Kyle was starting to feel the tiniest touch of burnout. There had been a pretty hefty exam a couple weeks ago, and Kyle being spread a little then, he hadn’t studied properly for it. His appetite had immediately disappeared during lunch that day when the notification came in on his phone. He’d received a C-. Kyle? A C-? If his mom saw this…

And Kyle knew she would. Sheila Broflovski was always a little overly involved in his school life. So, of course, she had insisted upon getting the parent app to track his grades. Which meant she would have seen the terrible grade, and Kyle wasn’t in the mood to get lectured. So maybe, just maybe, his mother had decided to settle down and watch TV by now! Or maybe she was cooking and was too distracted to get on his ass. Or even better, maybe she was at a school event for Ike, and he would be home alone.

“Kyle, you’re home late.”

The redhead had taken a single set into the living room, but he had already been singled out. Damn it. He turned, giving his mother his full attention. She had her arms crossed, walking from the kitchen and standing in the entrance, an unreadable expression smoothed over her face. 

“Sorry, Ma. Kenny wanted me to help him out with the English essay. It ran a little longer than expected,” He explained honestly, going to turn and head into his room. He really didn’t have the energy right now. Plus… he was supposed to go play World of Warcraft with Stan soon.

“Not so fast, young man,” Sheila’s voice cut through, “We’re not done here.”

Kyle suppressed a groan, squeezing his eyes tight in annoyance before turning, “Is something wrong?” 

Sheila tapped on her phone before pulling out the glaring grade. Kyle winced slightly, shifting on his feet uncomfortably, “... I did my best-”

“Did you, now? Because it looks like you didn’t,” He was cut off, the larger woman already pacing a little, “What happened, Kyle? You’ve been doing so good all year! And then I get this notification on my phone today- Biology exam, 73%? How are we going to get you into AP classes if you’re already falling behind!"

“Ma! It was just one exam! I’m going to ask for extra credit and try to retake the exam-”

“Yes, you are. You are going to do everything and anything to get that grade up again. If you want to be a Valedictorian, get those head starts into law school; we need to fix your mistakes.”

Kyle felt his eye twitch slightly, but he chose his words carefully, “...Okay, Ma. I’ll go up and study and email my teachers now. It was a one-time mistake.”

“I mean, imagine if you kept this pattern continuing into college! Kyle, I love you very much, but we are ending this behavior. Right now!”

“Ma.”

“I’m embarrassed for you.” 

Ouch. “Ma-”

“Imagine how your father would react.”

“He wouldn't react as badly as you,” Kyle scoffed, and then quickly snapped his mouth shut. Why the hell did he say that? His Ma’s rant fell silent instantly. Her slightly annoyed face was now sharp, eyebrow raised. 

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you are overreacting! I’m trying to tell you it was a one-time thing, and you’re reacting like my entire education is ruined! I have this under control!"

 “Do you? Because you said you had this exam ‘under control’ and look how THAT turned out? No, you’re clearly not spending enough time studying. Why aren’t you off studying right now!”

“Because you’re yelling at me.”

“I am not! I am trying to give your advice! You think high school is hard?? I won’t be here to save you when you're flunking out of college! I’m disappointed now. Imagine how I'll feel when that happens! I can’t believe you would go and do this to me.”

Kyle hugged his body close, stomach twinging in pain. He really didn’t want to disappoint his Ma. Curse his mama boy tendencies. The usual fire Kyle and Sheila shared started to dim inside him. Was he not allowed to mess up sometimes? He couldn’t be perfect in every subject, and it was just a hard topic. But Sheila had been hurt, he had gone and hurt his Ma’s feelings, her expectations of him. 

“...I’m sorry, Ma,” he relented, “I’ll do better next time, I promise.” 

The energy shifted slightly. Sheila walked over, placing a gentle hand on Kyle’s back. She rubbed slowly, “I’m sorry, Buhbala. But I promise, I just want what’s best for you and your education. We’ll fix this together.” 

Kyle peeled away from his mother's touch, deciding he needed to study instead of staying here with all his exposed emotions. Trudging up the stairs, he willed his thoughts to stop spiraling as best he could. He needed to focus on work instead. He couldn't be a failure anymore; he didn’t want his mother's gaze to be filled with disappointment forever. He would make himself lovable again. 

A gentle buzz was felt in his pocket, and Kyle pulled out his phone while entering his room. Stan had texted him at least four times, seeming concerned about why Kyle hadn’t responded at his normal speed. Shit, right. He was supposed to be calling with Stan now, wasn’t he? 

Today 5:54

Super Best Friend: Duuuuude, we still on for today? I’m hopping on at 6:00

Super Best Friend: Hello???

Super Best Friend: Honey, come home. The kids miss you 🥺🥺

Super Best Friend: Kyle?

Today 6:13

Super Best Friend: Dude, are you okay?

Today 6:15

Me: Sorry. Busy tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Super Best Friend: What? Dude, we haven’t called all week! 

Super Best Friend: Did something happen?

Me: I just need to study.

Super Best Friend: Is this because of your grade today?

Super Best Friend: Dude, it’s okay. It’s just one grade

Super Best Friend: Ohhhh, did your mom yell at you?

Me: I’ll see you tomorrow, dude.

Super Best Friend: I’m coming over

Me: Don’t.

Super Best Friend: See you soooooooon~!

Kyle groaned, turning his phone off to ignore Stan. He pulled out his computer and sat down on his bed, quickly logging into his school email. He would make amends for all the errors he’d committed. The redhead felt the weight of working all day cloud his mind; nothing he seemed to conjure up made sense. And if he wanted to be able to retake this stupid fuck ass exam, he needed to suck up. This email needed to be convincing and perfect; he needed his second chance to make everything right again.

Did he really deserve to have a second chance? He did fuck this one up. Kyle knew better than to relax when he could have studied. He shouldn’t have been eating lunch when he could have been going over flashcards or having Stan quiz him. No, not Stan. He would have just gotten distracted then, too. Who was Kyle kidding? He shouldn't be tutoring other students; he was the one who needed tutoring. He was too stupid to understand basic fucking biology, how was he supposed to teach other students? Or get into AP classes. Or pass college. Or do anything substantial in his life. Shut up, shut up, shut up-.

Spiraling. That's what he was doing now. Kyle fought against the tears that tried to blur his vision. He couldn’t slip up now. He needed to have his thoughts focused on school work, but all he could do was stare at the bottom of his biology class grade, at the terrible grade that was ruining his life. Ruining his Ma’s dreams for him. The dark room exemplified his self-loathing, the white screen blinding his eyes as he continued to stare blankly. Kyle couldn't find the energy to suck up his emotions and power through. 

Kyle’s spiral was suddenly interrupted when a harsh cold suddenly struck his body. Flinching in surprise, Kyle watched with wide eyes as a bumbling Stan fell through the window and onto Kyle's bed with a surprised grunt. The redhead pulled his legs up to his chest, computer uncomfortably close as Stan looked up with a charming grin.

“What’s up?” Stan asked, propping himself up more. 

“What- why are you here??” Kyle cried out, frowning at the sight of his Super Best Friend, “I told you I was busy!”

“Well, something told me you needed my company!” Stan huffed, sitting up, “Call it instincts.”

Kyle’s glare hardened. Now was not the time to be arguing. He needed to study, he needed to work. He couldn't handle the stress of these distractions right now. And if his Ma walked in and saw Kyle chatting with Stan instead of studying, he didn’t want to know what she'd do.

“Well, I don’t! I have homework to do, Stan, please go.”

“Why can’t I sit here with you?”

“Because I don’t want you here.”

“I think you do.”

“I don’t! I want to study!” He snapped, feeling the anger and fire he felt towards his Ma moments before sparking up again. Stan flinched in surprise at the anger. Kyle should have put the flame out before it caught the bomb fuse, but it was too late now.

 “I want to be alone so I can cram in this stupid English essay, and so I can study for our math test next week. I need to work on the group project that Cartman’s practically forcing me to do by myself, and I need to study for a speech I’m supposed to give for the debate club. And that exam- I want to be able to know what I did wrong so I can fix my mistake and not be a fucking moron anymore!” Kyle cried out, throwing his hands to his head and gripping his curls. 

It was so much- he had so much to do, and this one mistake had thrown him off his schedule. He couldn't be perfect and happy. He was a failure. A broken sob escaped his lips as he curled into himself, covering his face with his hands.

“I’m so stupid…”

Kyle was met with silence for a moment, but then he felt something warm press against him. Two arms enveloped him, bringing him close. Kyle turned and shoved his teary face into Stan’s chest, feeling his body collapse into the warmth and security it brought. His body quivered with sobs as his Super Best Friend slowly started to thread fingers soothingly through red curls.

Slowly, Kyle felt his body being moved into a lying position. Stan snuggled closely against Kyle, their legs touching gently. 

“You’re not stupid, Kyle. Don’t tell yourself that. I know your grades are important to you… But you’re important to me. Don’t beat yourself up over simple human mistakes. It’s human mistakes that let you know you’re alive in the first place, I think.”

Stan waited for a moment, seeing if the redhead would reply. When there was none, he continued, “You’re not going to be able to perform all those tasks to the level of perfection you want if you’re all upset. You deserve this break.”

Kyle groaned in response, “But I’ll fall behind again…” 

“Then maybe this is a sign you need to take a step back from your after-school activities?”

Kyle sighed, “I’m too tired to find a reasonable argument against that.”

“Haha! Current score, Stan one, Kyle zero!” Stan pumped a fist in the air, gaining a small chuckle from Kyle.

 The redhead pressed their cheeks together, closing his eyes with a gentle sigh. Stan seemed to follow suit, relaxing against Kyle. Stan was right, he couldn’t get perfect ‘A’s’ on everything if he couldn't even focus on anything. Just a five-minute power nap… yeah. That’s all he’ll take. Deep down, he knew he wouldn’t be waking until morning, especially not when he was cuddled in the arms of his Super Best Friend.

Love

Kyle’s character went flying across the screen as Stan got a final hit in, winning the Smash Bros game again. The raven-haired boy cheered, leaping up and doing a little dance as his character did a victory pose. Kyle rolled his eyes, giving his super best friend a small grin.

“In your FACE, dude! I can’t believe I beat you AGAIN!’ Stan grinned widely, causing Kyle's heart to beat happily. 

This was a new (but annoying) development; he wasn't sure what to do with it quite yet. Maybe that’s why Stan had won so many games in a row. Kyle just really wasn’t in the correct mindset. I mean- who falls in love with their best friend? It felt like Kyle was taking advantage of his favorite person ever. Every hug from Stan, small joke, or giggle felt like something special, something Kyle now wished he could call his own. But Stan gave his grin to all his friends, swapped jokes with Kenny, and snickered with Butters. It felt pretty selfish to want all that to himself.

And what if Stan wasn’t even interested in Kyle? What if Kyle took his friendly advances as romance and then Stan got uncomfortable and yelled at him, and they never spoke again, and everything would be shit and nothing in life would be worth living for at all ever again and-

Okay, that was dramatic. It wouldn’t get that bad; Stan would let him down in his sweet, lovable way. Kyle was just overthinking everything, and it was making his life a living hell. He would play it cool and not take any of Stan's normal behaviors as romantic interest. How hard could that be?

Kyle realized he’d been quiet for a little too long; enough time had passed for Stan to be giving a strained look as he waited for a reply. Kyle cleared his throat, smoothing over the awkwardness quickly, “Whatever, dude. Let's play again, and I’ll beat you for sure.”

Stan hummed softly, flopping back on the couch and lying on his back. He tilted his head up to look at Kyle, the top of his hair almost bumping against the redhead’s legs. Kyle felt his face heat up at the contact, shifting his legs away awkwardly. Stop feeling things, Kyle.

“I’m kind of bored of Smash Bros. I don’t want to beat you a seventh time!” Stan flashed Kyle a smirk, making him shift uncomfortably again. 

“Okay, what should we do then?” Kyle asked, trying to play off his flustered emotions. Why did Stan have to be so charming?

Stan blinked for a moment before sitting up. The proximity of the pair got further, making Kyle relieved but also disappointed. He had quietly wished Stan would get closer. 

“Hmmm, we could watch a movie again? You up for Twilight?” Stan wiggled his eyebrows.

“Twilight is so stupid. I mean, are we really saying this poor girl's options in men are a vampire stalker or a no-consent kisser werewolf? I really don’t see the romance or appeal that either of these men are supposed to bring.” Kyle rolled his eyes, annoyance bubbling up. 

“Aww, come on! If a sparkly vampire or a shirtless werewolf were fighting for your attention, you’re saying you wouldn’t be into that??” Stan batted his eyes playfully, “Your gay ass would fold, trust me.”

Kyle’s face was definitely turning red at that one. With the way Stan was leaning in again and wiggling his eyebrows, Kyle couldn’t help but imagine Stan as a sexy werewolf or vampire. Shit shit shit- this was NOT helping. He hugged his arms, leaning away from Stan. Kyle missed the pained look Stan gave at this motion as he turned his nose up. 

“No, no, I wouldn’t fold. Because I think respect and dignity are sexier than a six-pack,” Kyle huffed out. 

Kyle turned to look at his Super Best Friend, noticing his deflated look. A quick flash of panic flooded his gut, and he leaned forward to pick up the TV remote. “Don’t be upset, dude. We can still watch it! Do you have a movie preference? ‘New Moon’s’ got all the juicy drama you like?”

Stan perked up at this, nodding with the sparkle back in his eye, “Ohh, yes! Let’s do that one!” 

Kyle scrolled through the streaming services, rolling his eyes at all the subscriptions his family paid for. Seriously, why did everything need a streaming service?

Kyle clicked the play button, settling down. He relaxed for a moment before a blanket was thrown over him. The redhead tensed up slightly as Stan leaned against him; their shared heat felt overwhelming as Stan started to cuddle more underneath the blanket. Kyle’s heart thumped wildly, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap his own arms around Stan. He wanted to press sweet innocent kisses against his Super Best Friend's cheek so bad. He longed for the warm cuddles to mean you’re mine, and I’m yours. Please, just take me away from planet earth, his heart sang softly. I want everyone to know how much I love you. 

Kyle flinched hard, yanking his body back and causing Stan to yelp in confusion. Kyle held his panicked heart, eyes wide. What the hell was he thinking? How could he think such things about his best friend? Kyle swallowed hard, moving to make his body straight and firm. He closed his eyes, calming down.

“Sorry about that, I just-”

“What the hell is your problem??” Stan suddenly cried out. Kyle’s eyes snapped open, and he turned his head quickly to a teary-eyed Stan, “You’ve been all flighty and awkward all week! And now this?? What did I do- why do you hate me?”

Stan rubbed his eyes, clearly trying to wipe his tears as subtly as he could. Kyle was frozen, staring at the consequences of his actions. Maybe pulling away and guarding his heart was actually selfish, a form of self-preservation. He was supposed to protect Stan, not bring him to tears.

“No! No, Stan- I don't hate you at all!” The redhead reached out, but Stan pulled his hands close to his chest.

“Then what’s wrong with you! Why are you acting like just us watching a movie and bumping shoulders is burning you alive!”

Kyle grimaced slightly, “I- I was just trying to protect you, or some shit like that-”

Stan sniffled, anger seeping in ever so slightly, “Well, good fucking job then! I feel so appreciated. Just- if you don’t want to be my friend anymore, you don’t have to fake it anymore.”

“NO! Don’t say that, Stan! I’m sorry I've been ‘awkward’ and ‘flighty’, but- I promise it’s not because I hate you!” Kyle pressed, now being the one to lean in. Stan didn’t seem convinced, his frown etched deeply onto his face, “It’s uh… actually the opposite reason.”

Stan looked up into Kyle’s eyes, blue’s swirling and sparkling with life, every deeply felt emotion apparent on his face. ‘
New Moon’s dramatic but romantic music played softly, and Kyle was sure that if he turned to the screen, he’d see a Bella Swan gazing at Edward with teenage lust. Kyle reached out again, letting his hands fall against Stan’s. Kyle’s soft, lotioned hands met rough, calloused ones. The redhead gave them a gentle squeeze, gaining the courage to speak up again. 

“I was pulling away because- I’m in love with you,” Kyle got out, feeling exposed, “And I don’t want it to ruin our friendship. I didn’t want my stupid emotions to hurt us.”

Kyle held his breath, waiting for Stan to pull away and never talk to him again. Kyle couldn’t help but feel his heart already shatter. What a fool he’d been.

A sudden laugh filled the room, light and excited. Stan’s teary face was graced with a smile again. Without a second thought, Stan was wrapping his arms around Kyle. The redhead was whisked off his feet as Stan stood, twirling Kyle around bridal style. Alarmed, Kyle gripped onto Stan tightly. He turned to scold when Stan pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek. 

“You absolute dork! Why didn’t you say anything sooner!” Stan asked, plopping himself onto the couch and cradling Kyle like a stuffed animal. 

The redhead squirmed in Stan’s grasp, trying to get more comfortable and, honestly, feeling very overwhelmed with all the excitement. Stan relaxed his grip, now having his arms loosely around Kyle. This allowed the redhead to find a more comfortable position, but Stan kept nuzzling into Kyle’s neck happily.

“Dude! What are you doing?” Kyle asked, slightly exasperated. 

“Um, cuddling my Super Best Boyfriend, that's what,” Stan grinned, pools of ocean blue twinkling with love. Kyle’s breath caught slightly at the sight being directed at him. 

“Boyfriend??” Kyle gasped.

“Boyfriend,” Stan confirmed with a nod.

Twilight's New Moon was quickly forgotten, the pair giggling and kissing each other the whole time instead. 

Happy

The crowd was loud with cheers as the football team dashed across the field. Junior year, also known as the busiest year of Kyle’s life so far, had flown by. AP classes were not for the weak, but Kyle had pushed through, and all his hard work was done. Stressful weeks of exam preparations and already looking into colleges for senior year had left the redhead ready for summer to begin. With that over, he could now sit back and watch as his boyfriend played for their school team. 

Said boyfriend barreled through a crowd of players, securing the football for his team. Kyle jumped up, clapping loudly and screaming out a “Go Stan!!”, much to the annoyance of Cartman. The Fatass had literally no obligation to sit next to Kyle, but the whole friend group liked to sit and watch games together, so here he was. Stan turned his gaze for a split second at the noise, flashing a grin before he focused back on the game. Kyle sat back down with a matching smile on his face.

Who knew dating your best friend could be so fun? Not only did they know each other almost perfectly, but now the pair could kiss and cuddle as much as they wanted. Kyle’s eyes followed Stan’s body, enjoying the game and the view. He may be a gentle guy, but Stan was good at the game. And Kyle couldn't deny it was a little hot watching his boyfriend in action. He especially didn’t mind that it caused Stan to gain some muscles as a side effect. 

“Siiick, look at the hippie apologizing for knocking that other dude over! He did one cool fucking thing, and then ruined it by being a pacifist?? Can the fag get any lamer?” Cartman bemoaned, munching on the cheesy poofs that were always supplied at big games like these. 

Kyle rolled his eyes, not even bothering to look at Cartman as he retorted, “Whatever, dude. You don’t have to show up, and yet you’re always here.”

“Well, duh, I want coach to notice me someday so I can take the hippie’s spot!”

“He’s not going to choose you. You’re waaaay too fat,” Kyle stuck his tongue out at Eric, which was met with a scoff.

“I’m big boned, you should KNOW this by now!! Fucking Jew, I’ve been telling you this shit for YEARS, and you still can’t comprehend it??”

“Shut the fuck up, guys! They’re gonna start playin’ again!” Kenny argued, arm draped around Butters from his spot next to Eric. He shot Butters a grin while making a joke, “Goddamn, if I wanna watch a game with arguin’’ in the background, I woulda stayed home.”

Butters frowned back, “That’s not very funny, Ken…”

Some things never change. The same bickering and petty jokes had followed them all throughout their childhoods. And hopefully, if all went to plan, they’d continue being dumb and stupid together in college. Kyle wouldn’t even mind having Eric around still. Sure, the fatass was his worst fucking enemy, but life would be too strange without him. 

The game continued long into the night, both teams doing well but dragging later than would have been ideal. If only someone could break the tie. The blue sky above had shifted into a sleepy hue, stadium lights illuminating the field. Kyle’s internal sleep clock was very confused about why he was outside in the cold so late into the evening, but all the cheering and yelling kept him awake. 

Cartman had leaned over to make another comment about the game when suddenly the crowd started to exclaim excitedly. Kyle’s attention snapped to the game, where he saw Stan running towards the end zone, football securely in his arms. He gasped, clasping a hand over Cartman’s mouth and shoving him away. All complaints were ignored as Stan zipped away from the opposing team, almost reaching his end goal. The crowd held its breath in anxious anticipation, but roared to life when Stan got the finishing score, winning the game for South Park High. Kyle jumped up, screaming and cheering for his Stan. 

From out on the field, the other South Park Players ran towards Stan, surrounding him excitedly. From the corner of his vision, Kyle saw Kenny pick up Butters and kiss him. Even Cartman was excited, standing up and pumping a fist in the air. Maybe it was a stupid idea, but Kyle wanted to celebrate with Stan at that moment, too. Full of adrenaline, Kyle hopped over some seats and rushed towards the edge of the viewers' section. He quickly jumped the fence, ready to run towards Stan. The raven was still surrounded by his teammates, currently being picked up and cheered for. He laughed in the air, eyes opening and spotting Kyle. 

The pair grinned at each other, and the redhead was prepared to rush towards his boyfriend when Stan wiggled out of his teammate's grasp first. The moment his feet hit the ground, Stan sprinted towards Kyle. Maybe having your football-playing boyfriend still in his full gear, rushing towards you, wasn't the greatest idea. Too bad Kyle realized this moments before he was tackled to the ground, gasping in surprise. 

“Kyle!! Did you see that!!” Stan asked excitedly, lifting himself up to get a better view of Kyle, “We just won!! Like- WON WON!!”

“I know, dude- I’m so proud of you- Jesus, you’re strong-” Kyle wheezed in reply, causing Stan to soften his eyes in concern. The raven sat up, looking Kyle over to make sure he wasn’t too badly hurt before making his move.

With a swift movement, Kyle was found in Stan's arms. The bigger of the two took off his helmet, smiling wide. Kyle held on for dear life, face reddening from such a public display of affection, “Stan-! Put me down-”

He was quickly shut up by several kisses being placed on his cheek. Surprise was quickly washed away by laughter, and Kyle let himself be smothered in affection. Stan twirled them around, giggling alongside Kyle. 

“I think you missed a spot,” Kyle teased once Stan pulled back. He was still clutched in his boyfriend's arms, secretly enjoying being held like this, so close and securely to Stan. 

“Oh yeah? And where would that be?” Stan grinned back. 

In response, Kyle cupped Stan’s cheeks, pressing their lips together for a passionate kiss. Stan’s body relaxed against Kyle’s, leaning in happily with a sigh. He’d get on Stan’s ass for being embarrassing in public later. But right now? Kyle couldn't be any happier.

Sleepy

Kyle paced back and forth, stopping every few seconds to run fingers through his hair as he read. Sure, he had written and reviewed this senior speech several times over… but one more read through couldn't hurt, right? Plus, he got the honor of Valedictorian, just as he always wanted. If this wasn’t the most memorable, mind-blowing, inspirational speech ever… he might live in shame forever. So he continued to pace and rehearse in his room.

Kyle stopped in his tracks, turning to face Stan for his final paragraph. His boyfriend had been over more than usual this last month, oddly quiet but still making the most of their hangouts. Kyle had noticed him getting uncomfortable around the topic of graduating throughout the year, and with the date only being a couple of days away, stress could explain his odd behavior. Graduating was also messing with Kyle’s anxiety, but anyone could see that. 

 Currently, Stan was lounging comfortably on his bed, looking at Kyle and nodding along absently. Kyle inhaled and began his final paragraph. It was full of thank yous and appreciations, a special little line to Stan himself. Just to test himself, he closed his eyes and did the final line without peeking at the page in his hand. 

“‘And with that, I’d like to introduce our Salutatorian, Wendy Testaburger. Someone truly exceptional in everything she does.’ I don’t know, I think I messed up the second paragraph with my tone. Maybe I should try and say it firmer?” Kyle opened his eyes, looking down at a half-asleep Stan, who nodded slowly. 

“If you think so… It sounded good the first time you read it. Like… two hours ago,” Stan rubbed his eyes, opening his eyes more when he heard Kyle huff. 

“I’m sorry this is boring to you, but this is very important to me. You don’t have any real critiques to give?” Kyle folded his arms, not really annoyed. He understood it had been repeating the same words for a while now. Unfortunately, his stress was in the driver's seat as usual, pushing out his snappy side more. 

Stan sat up more, sighing before speaking, “Kyle. I think you’ve done enough rehearsal. By the time you’re done, I’ll be able to give the speech. Which, no offense, sounds terrible. Can’t you come relax with me before I fall asleep without you?”

“I think I should rehearse the whole thing over again for a comment like that,” Kyle stuck out his tongue, flicking his pages so they made a sharp ‘thwap’ sound. 

Stan groaned, flopping on the bed again, closing his eyes, “Noooooo!”

Kyle cleared his throat, flipping to the correct page, “Teachers, parents, peers, and family. It is with great honor that I, Kyle Broflovski, start our senior speeches. You would think after twelve years of going to school with the same students I have known since preschool, I would be sick of all their faces. However, the truth is the opposite. My graduating class may be one of the most creative, most resilient, and most-”

Kyle widened his eyes as Stan wrapped his arms around Kyle’s waist, yanking him down into the bed with him. Giving a startled yelp and dropping his papers, Kyle was trapped in his boyfriend's grasp. He wriggled a bit before Stan started placing sleepy kisses on Kyle’s neck. The redhead sighed, relenting in his struggles and relaxing at the gentle touches. 

“Can we not talk about graduating and school anymore? We have all week to worry about that,” Stan hummed softly, eyes half lidded as he opened them and looked up at Kyle. 

The redhead ran a hand gently through Stan’s hair, enjoying the feel of black strands between his fingers. He cared about his image, but he cared about Stan’s feelings more. And Stan looked a little worn down himself from all the speech talk. His face showed slight signs of stress, his lips pursed together tightly, bags under his eyes more pronounced. Kyle gave his tired boyfriend a content smile, kissing the raven’s forehead gently. If he wanted to cuddle and sleep, they could cuddle and sleep. Plus… his own rampant mind was finally slowing down. Seems they had both been pushing themselves. 

“Yeah, dude. Let’s take a break for now,” Kyle responded, and Stan nuzzled his way into Kyle more, slow soft breaths falling against the redhead’s shirt. 

Kyle closed his eyes in return, letting the perfectionism fall off his shoulders, and the pair dozed in each other's comfort. Covers had been pulled over them, and Kyle was perfectly happy to be wrapped up in Stan’s limbs. Soon they would be off in college together, free to snuggle and sleep together wherever they pleased without the anxieties of family barging in. And although Kyle would miss friends and family when he left, he couldn't wait to start this next part of his life with Stan. With a smile on his face, Kyle let himself slip into the land of dreams.

+Stan

Stan knew it would be hard, but the foresight hadn’t helped much. Moving out had been far more stressful than he’d prepared for. He had packed his life into a few boxes and left South Park behind for his future. Bidding farewell to the people he’d seen every day for eighteen years felt strange. He’d said goodbye to old friends who would now drift apart with the distance between their new homes. Would their faces blur the older he got? Would he be able to recognize their names if he bumped into them later on? 

During his last week, Stan had taken a walk around the city he would one day remember only faintly. Maybe the colors of life would feel more vibrant, like they did when he was younger, if he only visited in memory. It felt like a part of him was being left behind forever, like a small piece of innocence he would always miss, though he couldn’t say when exactly he’d lost it. Probably somewhere between fourth grade and middle school.

Saying goodbye to his mother had been the hardest. Sharon had already said goodbye to Shelly a couple of years prior when she’d left for university. Stan had thought maybe it would have made his own departure easier. Instead, Sharon gripped him tighter, weeping softly and pressing wet kisses against his cheek. Stan wondered how empty the house felt now that both Marsh siblings were gone. He wondered if she would keep his and Shelly’s room the same even years down the line. 

Even saying goodbye to Randy had been bittersweet. Overally emotional and dramatic as always, Randy had taken Stan to Skeeter's Wine Bar, getting everyone to make a round of cheers in his name. Of course, Stan had then been forced to drag a drunk Randy home, but the looming idea that this could have been the last time he’d be doing this had made him uncomfortable.  Would he never feel the crunch of snow under his feet while his father stumbled behind?

Stan had then thought… Maybe time would fix this impending sense of doom! It’s just the stress of moving, he’ll get right back to feeling like himself again! Unfortunately, it was now November, and nothing had gotten better. Stan was pretty sure it had only gotten worse. So, so much worse. School piled up, grades were far more intense than before, and Stan had never felt so isolated. 

Of course, he’d come here with his Super Best Boyfriend Kyle, so he wasn’t completely alone. His amazing, determined boyfriend. He seemed to be handling the transition far better than Stan, which only helped the raven feel more like a failure. Kyle could keep up with work, but Stan stumbled. Kyle was keeping his high grades, but Stan fumbled. Kyle was out joining clubs while Stan rotted alone like the deadweight he was. 

Stan had been glowering in his self-pity (stupid, you’re so stupid-) when the front door of their shared dorm opened. Stan blinked slowly, looking from the kitchen table he’d been burning holes through with glares and up to Kyle. The responsible one out of them had gotten a job recently, so there was another reason Stan was a miserable failure. 

“Hey, dude. How was your day? Get any progress on your essay?” Kyle asked, hanging up his jacket on a rack before making his way over. He looked tired, hunched over slightly with weariness, but kept the smile he reserved for Stan. God, he loved Kyle so much, and what did he do in return?

“Um… yeah, a little,” Stan lied quickly, looking at the papers scattered across their table. 

Kyle nodded, sitting in a chair next to Stan and sighing. He gathered the pages slowly, offering them to Stan, “Good, good. I know essays suck, but better to get them done before work overflows, right? I’d be happy to proofread for you, too.” 

Stan hummed dully in reply, shoving the pages of what was supposed to be finished homework into his letterman bag. Kyle seemed satisfied with his cleanup, nodding in approval before talking again. He recapped his day for Stan, pointing out favorite topics he’d covered during lectures and annoying co-workers he’d put up with while clocked in. 

How was Kyle doing it? Stan could barely find motivation to shower in the morning, usually trudging in only after Kyle pushed him in himself. Really, it was getting to the point that everything always felt vaguely out of touch. Like his vision had slowly started to blur, and he’d caught on too late. Stan had just accepted that at this point, he was sinking.

A pair of quizzical eyes made their analytical presence known, and Stan focused his own eyes again. The redhead was quiet, silently observing Stan like he was a patient instead of a boyfriend. The thought annoyed Stan.

“What?” He huffed out, feeling exposed. Not only was Kyle always good at seeing through Stan, but he was now getting professionally educated in Psychology. (Much to his Mother’s dismay, he might add, but Kyle always preferred to do things by the beat of his own drum. Fuck, Kyle had the balls to stand up to Sheila Broflovski, and what was Stan doing again? Nothing. Fucking nothing.) “Is something wrong?”

Kyle’s eyes squinted ever so slightly, running through possible responses in his brain and choosing his words carefully, “You look tired, dude… Are you feeling okay?”

Stan felt his heart pound at the words. All he wanted was to be coddled in Kyle’s arms and be told everything was okay again. However, he stopped himself. Kyle was already doing so much; he shouldn’t have to deal with Stan’s shitty mental health. So instead, he forced a tired smile, reaching a hand out to squeeze Kyle’s hand. 

“Like you said, I’m tired. Lots of schoolwork,” He mumbled out. Kyle softened slightly, taking a moment before accepting the words. 

“I’m so proud of you, honey. You’re working so hard while I’m away. It’s been stressful, but coming back to you every day makes it worth it,” Kyle smiled, pulling Stan’s hand up to his lips and pressing a loving kiss onto his knuckles. Stan’s heart pounded, shame and guilt making his stomach clench painfully. 

Stan found himself too choked up to reply. No “thank yous” or “I love yous” or “You are so inspiring and incredible and I’m worthless and incompetent next to someone as wonderful as you are, I’m so sorry…”  came out. So instead, he pulled Kyle into a kiss, hoping it conveyed all the emotions he couldn't express. 

Pre-vet labs would be the death of him. It was the only reason he showed up to classes on Wednesday. Week one, his professor had made it very clear that if he missed labs, it would be an instant fail. I mean, why were you paying for classes you didn’t even want to take? And Stan really didn’t want to waste money… He was thankful Kenny had a sad enough sob story to get him a hefty scholarship to this school. The blonde deserved a good thing for once, lord knows he worked hard enough for it. And Kenny wouldn't feel nearly as guilty when skipping classes… probably. Stan wished he had that luxury. 

Logically, Stan understood why he had to go to the after-school labs. First-hand experience and understanding were good for a med student. The dumb things were so long, though. Even if it was mostly animal work. The first few weeks they’d spent looking at cells and genes, moving onto bacteria and then inspecting the blood of animals they had for future veterinarians like himself. It was almost fascinating.

It was 4:00 now. He sat quietly as his table mates chatted amongst themselves. Their lab would start at 4:10, as usual, but being early was apparently a hidden college code. The days he did show up late to lectures (if he showed up at all), he could feel everyone's eyes on him. They hated him; he was so sure. Stan was pretty sure his History Professor had even rolled his eyes one time Stan walked in late. Weren't they supposed to leave the childish attitudes back in High School? 

 And yet, Stan was feeling like an outsider again. He watched his table mates laugh at a joke, probably an inside joke, that Stan was too far into his foggy head to understand. It had been three fucking months, and Stan didn’t even know their names. Who cared, really? It was almost over now. The fall semester was almost done. Then he’d fuck out of their lives forever. 

A voice cleared its throat, and Stan looked up as his lab instructor began his lecture, “As you all remember, today we’re having a more interactive lab! Our upperclassmen have agreed to bring in some blah animals from blah labs for us to inspect. We’re going to set up blah stations, and blah blah blah have to see if you blah blah blah identify any sort of physical illnesses or blah blah blah blah blahhhh.”

Stan tuned out the words, knowing he’d probably copy his notes off a tablemate anyway. He really should focus the most in this class, being a veterinarian was supposed to be the end goal… and here we were spacing out. He felt bad for the future pets he’d fail to save because he was too apathetic to focus during his shitty freshman year lab. 

Stan faintly registered coos as animals were led in, causing the excited students to lean in. Stan observed as the animals, mostly dogs, were led to their respective tables. Guess they'd rotate from table to table. 

An older-looking student approached his table, smiling in a way that seemed professional but genuine. They had stuck through this much college, clearly they enjoyed working with animals enough to keep pursuing. Stan remembered that feeling, back in his sophomore year of high school. He’d rambled for days to Kyle about how excited he was for College, to study and learn things he was actually interested in. When did Stan lose that spark…?

“Hey guys! I brought my little friend here today. He’s a little tired, but friendly,” The older student said, looking down towards the floor where the dog must have been. Stan didn’t lean over like his tablemates did; he really didn’t have the energy today. 

The older student spoke gently to the creature, carefully picking up the dog to place it on the lab table. Stan felt his heart drop as his table mates aww’ed. It was a normal dog, mostly shades of brown. Really, it could have been an abandoned mutt picked up on the side of the road by two people, trying to be good. It shouldn't have affected Stan. It was just a dog.

This dog, however, could have been the reincarnation of Sparky. The same snout, same gentle brown eyes, Stan could even spot a stray snaggletooth sticking out from its snout. It was like feeling time stop and speed up simultaneously. Pages of an old photobook were flipped through, memories replaying like an old film in the raven’s mind. He remembered the scent of a puppy, the way Sparky had been when they'd first adopted the mutt. Back when he was all tiny and adorable. Stan could feel the slobber of Sparky’s licks on his face; he could hear the giggles he had emitted and feel the kisses he’d returned on the wrinkled muzzle. Stan remembered how running through his backyard had felt, the feeling of grass between his feet as Sparky had chased him. The cuddles, the joy, how everything was brighter, and days had felt longer. Was life more vibrant back then?  Wrapped in his own brain, Stan felt the overwhelming longing to be a kid once more. To have a dog by his side that had loved and been loved. A dog he could never see again, who’d passed on years prior. 

All other senses had been forgotten; the world blurred as Stan’s gaze stayed fixated on this imposter. He wanted to be back in South Park; he didn’t want to be stuck here in hell. Stan wanted everything to be normal and happy again. He wanted out, he wanted out. 

Stan choked on a sob before he broke, stumbling out of his chair and backing up until his back hit a wall. If people were startled, he couldn't tell, sinking to the cold floor with his head in his arms as he shook. He felt tears soak his jeans, overwhelmed with emotions he’d kept inside for months. Waves of despair washed over him, dragging him down into the depths of the ocean, where he drifted alone in a world of regrets. This wasn’t how life was supposed to go… Clearly, Stan wasn’t meant to grow up, or else he wouldn’t be feeling like this. I should have taken matters into my own hands years ago…

 A wet sensation on his face, different then his tears, made itself known. Looking up with red eyes, Stan was face-to-face with Sparky. A desperate cry escaped his lips, and he pulled the dog into a tight squeeze, rubbing his face into the familiar fur and drenching it with tears. He felt small again, a boy and his best friend reunited. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-

The dog whined softly, causing Stan to pull away and gently pet the creature. The world was still fuzzy, but the repeated motion of his hand on Sparky was grounding at least. What was he doing here… Stan just wanted to go home to South Park and curl up in his bed and never leave again. He really hoped Sharon had kept his room the same; he wanted that familiarity when he returned home as a college reject. Sparky must have heard his thoughts, and he reached up to lick the new wave of tears dripping down his face. 

Some time must have passed; he wasn’t sure how much. Stan was aware he was slowly coming down from some sort of emotional high, still on the edge of another emotional breakdown. He was now aware everyone in the lab had been a witness to it all, and the dog he’d clung onto was not, in fact, Sparky. Thankfully, the caretaker of Imposter Sparky was kind enough not to yell at Stan for using their dog for emotional support. But now everyone was trying to work through the awkwardness, ignoring Stan, who was still sitting on the floor, not yet ready to move. 

The sudden sound of running and a door being flung open snapped Stan out of his daze again, looking up to see Kyle standing in the lab doorway. He panted slightly, scanning the room before spotting Stan. What was he doing here? Stan was pretty sure Kyle had his own long day of school and work today. 

“Oh- Stan, honey-” He gasped out, going over to his boyfriend and kneeling next to him, “I wish they had called me sooner… why don’t we go back to our dorm, yeah?” 

Stan nodded, letting Kyle help him up to his feet and leaning heavily against him. Kyle thanked the Lab Instructor, discussing something Stan wasn’t interested in. Stan could only focus on his own emotions. Relieved, Kyle was here to save and comfort him. Guilty, he fell back against his boyfriend for support again. He bit the inside of his cheeks hard, trying to distract himself from bursting into tears again, only vaguely aware that Kyle was moving them out of the building. 

The walk back to their dorm was long and quiet, Stan shivering slightly against the cold autumn wind pushing against them. Kyle had offered his own jacket, but the raven declined. He didn’t want to take anything else from Kyle. Could this day end already? Stan just wanted to sleep. 

As soon as they got home, Stan made his way to their room, slipping under the covers and pulling them over his head. Maybe if he faked sleep, he wouldn’t have to talk about what just happened with Kyle. Being lectured right now did not sound like fun, and Stan knew Kyle would try to pick apart his brain to figure out what triggered Stan in the first place. 

Luck was not on his side today. Kyle entered the bedroom, sitting down next to Stan. He let silence hang between them for a moment before sighing, “Stan… I don’t want to push you, but do you want to talk about what happened? You’ve barely spoken a word to me all day.”

Kyle finished his thoughts, reaching over to gently sift his fingers through Stan’s greasy hair. He really should shower. Instead of a verbal response, Stan simply shrugged. 

“... Dude, you’ve been acting weird ever since we moved in. I want to help, but you never want to talk to me about anything that's bothering you.” Kyle pressed again, “I’m not going to judge you.” 

Again, Stan was quiet. What could he say? I’m struggling in all my classes! I want to go back to our terrible hometown! I hate myself and who I've become! Yeah, who wouldn’t judge that?

Kyle huffed, retracting his fingers from his boyfriend’s hair, “Fine, you don’t have to say anything. You’re probably tired and dehydrated, your Lab Instructor said you were pretty out of it for a while. I’ll be right back. I want to get you some water.”

The weight of Kyle eased off the bed, leaving Stan alone with his thoughts. He rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. The same emotions he’d been feeling resurfaced, feeling useless again as he lay in bed. Stan didn’t have the energy to stop himself from crying again. 

When the door opened again, Stan heard Kyle inhale sharply, “Stan! What happened?” 

The redhead rushed over, placing the water on the nightstand and kneeling to be at the same height as Stan. The raven covered his face with his hands, hiccuping pitifully, “I’m so stupid, Kyle-”

“No, Stan, you're not-”

“Yes, I am! I’m a selfish, idiotic, moron! I barely finish homework, I’m practically failing at this point- I can’t leave the house most days- I’m mooching off you while I rot away and do nothing but be useless! You should just leave me, find someone better and someone happier. Do us all a favor and just leave-” 

Stan’s body shook as he confessed to Kyle, feeling waves of misery over and over again. God, if only he could just die. Why had he been so stupid, thinking he could handle this… 

Gentle hands landed on Stans’, pulling them from his face. He kept his eyes scrunched closed, turning his face away from Kyle. His boyfriend, however, placed a hand on Stan’s cheek, turning his face back towards him. Stan pried his blurry eyes open, focusing on Kyle. The redhead looked so devastated, staring at Stan with the saddest eyes he thinks he’s ever seen Kyle wear. Shamefully, Stan averted eye contact. 

“Here I go again- I made you get out of class early, and now I’ve hurt your feelings again. That’s all I know how to do. I don’t know how to make you forgive me. Not that I deserve it,” Stan spat out, anger directed at himself again.  

“Stan, no. You’re not selfish, you’re not useless, and you're definitely not idiotic.”

“Yes, I am!”
“No, no, you’re not. You’re struggling, you’re hurting, and I-” Kyle swallowed hard, placing his free hand in Stan’s, giving it a comforting squeeze, “There’s nothing wrong with struggling. And I’m not going to leave you, not now and not ever. No matter if you’re the happiest person in the world or the saddest, I’m going to love you regardless.”

“You’re going to hate me.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Yes, you will.”

Kyle rubbed Stan’s cheek with his thumb, wiping tears away and taking a shaky breath, “Why would I, Stan? Tell me why you think I would.”

“... Because I want to go back home. Because I gave up and you kept pursuing your dreams… I’m a failure, and I don’t know how to not be one.”

Stan dared to look back at Kyle, aware he probably looked like a complete mess. Kyle’s eyes softened at the eye contact, still looking as distressed as before. Maybe he’d finally seen the truth in Stan’s reasoning, maybe this was it.

“I miss home too, Stan,” Kyle finally admitted. Stan widened his eyes, but didn’t interrupt as Kyle continued, “I miss familiar faces… and the smell of my old room. But being able to come home to you, to have you with me here? I know that everything's going to be okay. I have a little piece of home with me; you’re my home. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

Stan sniffled, blinking past the tears in his eyes, “I don’t think I deserve that…”

Kyle smiled sadly, “You deserve the world, Stan.”

Stan fell silent again, processing everything. Kyle took this as an invitation, crawling back onto the bed and carefully nuzzling up against Stan, spooning the raven-haired man. Stan’s mind gave a relieved sigh, and he quickly curled up into the secure embrace of Kyle. His partner squeezed back gently, placing kisses all over Stan’s face. 

“We’re going to be okay, Stan. Sure, we may struggle with money, or we may flunk a couple of classes, but we're going to be okay. I’m still going to be here, and I’ll do whatever it takes to remind you how much I love you,” Kyle promised softly, gently bumping foreheads with Stan. 

“You make it sound easy, I can’t just flip a switch and be happy,” Stan huffed, but with little malice in his voice.

“We’ll take baby steps. I think our first one is for you to take fewer classes next semester… and look into the campus counseling program.”

Stan nodded, drowsiness making itself known now that all the built-up pressure was off his shoulders and he was in Kyle’s arms, again. The dark pit in his gut was quiet, being soothed happily with kisses and warmth. 

“I love you,” Stan said, giving Kyle a weak smile. Kyle gave a smile back, pressing more kisses to his temples. 

“I love you, too. You have to let me know if you're feeling bad again. No matter if I’m in class or at work. You’re more important than any of that.”

Stan opened his mouth, but with nothing to say, he closed it again. Instead, he gave a nod back, letting Kyle pull him in again. Stan rested his head in the crook of Kyle’s neck, closing his eyes and soaking in all the comfort he could. 

And for the first time in a long time, the world looked a little more colorful.