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Chapter Text

It felt like burning hatred.

He wanted to die more than ever, he was dying, but it wasn't enough. Ken wanted them to come with him, to follow I'm into the pit of a bottomless hatred and despair. He wanted them to feel his grief.

What was once the deep love he felt for the shorter blue haired boy, had turned into hatred for everyone else. Everyone else who had moved on. Moved past his decaying corpse. He had to step up. He had to clean it. Because no one else would have. He would've stayed tied to the chair with how many holes in his stomach. And his very own head gone.

Ken didn't know why he cared so much now, now that his limbs are pressed onto an X, and how is spinning and turning, and is one snap away from death.

But he guesses this is it.

Or, perhaps maybe just a strong feeling dream.

A very, very, strong feeling dream.

── .✦

He woke up.

The bed sheet was crinkled over his body, twisting and turning in weird ways. His pillow was warm. It felt like it had been ages since he was last here. But he can't remember when he was away from here. The last thing he remembers is going to bed.. and then.. his dream.

It was.. violent.

He can remember the color red, he can remember hurdling screams, ones that were of pure terror. Ones that he doesn't think he can get rid of in his mind. He can remember his own, but it wasn't when he was dying in that dream, but when he had seen the shorter blue haired boy with holes in his stomach. And his head off. The boy who had made him feel.. complete. Okay. Even if it was a dream, that feeling he had felt, it was something very real. Ken can't get the boy out of his head.

His dyed blue hair, a peak of his black roots on the top of his heads. The black sweater he had worn, and the skull motif on the pockets. Muted red shoes he wore, they were a little old and dirty, but it suited him. It matched his brilliant red eyes that Ken can remember.

There shouldn't be a reason why he feels so.. remembering, of the shorter boy, but he can. 

Ken stiffly got out of bed, and he could feel his legs hurting. It was sore, like someone had torn off his legs, gave him new ones. Like the space in between his joints had glass in between them. Despite the annoyance, he had bared it, and got up. He held onto the bed frame of his bed, and walked to the door. Grabbing the knob with what little strength his body could muster up, he twisted the knob, and was met by his sister, Mao, who frozen when she had seen him. The air in the hallway became stilted, as she let out a trembled laugh. 

"K-Ken..?" She had her hands over her mouth.

She rushed over to his side, holding both of his shoulders. "O-Oh my god.. y-you're here, you're back. Where were you? What happened?!" Before he could answer any of those questions, she had pulled hi into a hug. He placed his arms around her back too, it felt like he hadn't seen her in a while either, even when she was just there yesterday.

"YOU WERE GONE FOR A MONTH!" She screamed. 

"Wait.. what?" He pushed away from the hug, mostly out of confusion. "You were just gone one day. Mom has been so worried, where were you!?" Her tone almost accusatory. "I don't.. know. I was gone for a month?" He questioned, she nodded, dragging along the hallway.

Even when he had lived for a while, the hallway felt.. new. Fresh. She held onto his wrist like he'd disappear into thin air any second, and stopped once they were at the bottom of the stairs. "Mom! He's.. back." Mao yelled, his mom turning around. And like Mao, it felt as if it's been a long time since he had seen her. His mom pulled him into a similar hug, and rubbed his back in circles. 

"You were gone for a month.. Where did you go..? We thought you were.." Her voice cracked. Dead. They thought he was dead.

"I don't know. What time is it..?" He asked, looking between the two of them. "It's around 8 AM. Honey, Ken, you need to tell us where you were." She had answered, asking a question of her own in return. "But I seriously don't know what happened.. Can I see the news..? Maybe that will give me an idea of what happened. 

His mom nodded, walking to the TV, and the sounds of the clicking stopped once a guy with a suit appeared on screen. 

"A few others had disappeared.. Around the same time as you, Ken. The same age too." Mao informed. "Do you know any of their names?" She nodded, taking out a notepad from her pocket. "Let's see here.. For one, Isono Miki, and the Chiba Airi. Harada Keizou.. Um.. Sasaki Hitomi. Ojima Takeshi, Hama Ran, Tsuno Manami, Hiroaki Nakamigawa-"

"The designer?"

"Yeah. Celebrities just went missing too. Tamba Ruiko, Watari Nishino, and Yanagi Shigeki." She finished listing. 

"Aren't those guys Olympians?"

"Yeah. I'm sure I missed a few people... But not everyone that went missing I have written down.." She pointed out. "Hm." Those names sound pretty familiar to him. "I still don't know how you just.. appeared back in your room, I came there just to see if there was anything more were could give to the police." Mao explained. "That's weird.." He muttered. "What matters is that you're back."

"I'm glad to be back..."

"Have something on your mind?"

"I just.." He debated on talking about it. "I have memories of where I was.. I just.. I don't know if it was a dream or not. It was way too long to be a dream! But it feels too.. incoherent now to be a full memory." He tried putting his thoughts into words. "Well, tell me about it, we have to solve how you were just gone for a month, then appear back in your room. That's not normal." 

"Alright.."

── .✦

"I.. don't think we're gonna find anything else out." His mom sighed, disappointed, but tired. Mao was digging for any information she could get out of him, which wasn't much. They were up for a few hours now. "What if I just make lunch for Ken now, you've kept him here for a while." Mom offered, Mao shook her head. 

"We have to! It's so weird he just.. came back! Even he doesn't know what's going on!"

"It's fine, Mao. Like mom said, I'm here now.. a-and, if-"

He got cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. It was an unknown number. And he didn't recognize it either. But the string.. He feels like he's seen it, but it's not too familiar. "Did you get a scam caller as soon as you came back?" Mao scoffed, half-joking. "I.. I don't know. I feel like I should answer it though. I'm gonna." He announced. Picking up his phone, holding it to his ear.

"Hello?" He said, expecting something from the other side of the phone. "Hasegawa..?" A voice from the other line. It wasn't expecting, just a call. 

No, not just any voice.

"Takeshi..?" The syllables came out slowly, until the name as a whole. Ojima Takeshi.. He was an illustrator. He made children's books. He.. spaced out often. He was where Ken was while he was missing. "You're.. alive?" He asked, almost whispering into the phone. Ken paused. "I-.. y-yeah. I'm alive." He looked down at himself. And yeah, he was alive. "Why are you.. um.. asking? Did I.. look dead..?"

"Are you doing okay?" He immediately pressed. "Where are you right now?"

"I-I'm fine. Sorry, I don't really remember much.. do you remember..? Because I'm.. really drawing a blank here." He questioned, and got silence from the other side of the phone. "You.. you don't remember everything?" Ken shook his head even if Takeshi wasn't there to see it. "No.. I remember who you are. Just.. everything else.. I remember.. Kazutoshi." 

The blue haired shorter boy.

That was his name. Kazutoshi. Kamimura Kazutoshi. It rolled off his tongue, and he felt.. warm. Unlike the cold he had felt right before he had woken up.

"Uh-.. Please. Don't try anything." He sounded awkward at the name mention. "I won't... why would I?" He asked. 

"You really don't remember anything.." Takeshi took a deep breath from the other side of the line. "I'm gonna try and get in contact with Nakamigawa, do you know Kamimura's cell phone number? Or anyone else for that matter?" 

"I don't.. I... I still feel pretty light headed. I can try to remember again later.." Nakamigawa.. the fashion designer. Someone who Mao had written down. He can also recall the sour attitude that he had during his time. "Okay.. Well.. I'm sorry. I don't think you remember. But I'm sorry." His voice was genuine, and it was a real apology. "Oh. Um. Thanks..?" He responded awkwardly. "I have to go now. Stay safe, Ken." He said, and then hung up. 

"Who was that?" Mao asked.

"It was.. um.. someone who was with me during my time missing. Takeshi." He answered. "So, then, did he remember what was going on?" 

"He knew more than me... So, there's that.. I kind of just want to rest though.. My body hurts pretty badly." He commented, whilst his mom placed down a dish she quickly made. "Thanks." She nodded and smiled. After whatever mess must've happened, he continued to eat. He deserved a little rest.

But Kazutoshi had stayed on his mind.

He wondered where he was now.

── .✦

Ken looked at his back.

It had a rabbit on it, it was engraved into his skin, by a hot iron, if he were to guess.

The design was.. off-putting. And it was now forever on his back. He can remember almost passing out in the auditorium. He can remember... Hama? Pressing it onto his back. Not so willingly, but more just.. like he had to. Wherever he was, he's sure it couldn't have been good. 

Especially with the way Takeshi had put it...

He apologized. And his tone was almost.. scared when first talking to him. 

Why was he so insistent that Ken was going to do something? Did he do something before? What could he have done in order to get someone to be so.. cautious around him? What could've pushed him to do something bad in the first place? He feels different, he's body is different, he can see by the brand on his back and the.. large amounts of cuts on his arm.

He can vaguely picture staring at a glowing liquid. Blood. He had used luminol during his time there.

Why though?

For fun? That doesn't seem like the kind of thing Ken would do. Why were the lights off in the first place? What happened in there?

He doesn't want to know. 

But it seems like Takeshi knew. And so Takeshi was cautious.. Hiroaki too by the sounds of it. He can picture.. Wada, Yanagi, Tamba, and the other two standing outside glass. Two way glass. But the glass looked supported. They looked tired. From what he can make out in his memories, they all had levels of horror on their face.

What could've happened?

And how could Kazutoshi, someone so.. warm. Come from a place like that? 

Chapter Text

One second, he was thinking about his life.

Maybe lack there of, and more thinking about how he needed to scrap to survive. He wanted to see his aunt for the final time. He wanted to live.

It was weird, wasn't it?

Kazutoshi had wanted to die so fucking badly. He failed. And then he was in that shit hole. And then he met Ken. It felt okay. He wanted to get better. And he wanted to continue living. Life didn't suck as hard with Ken by his side. 

All that love, all that feeling, he never got a chance to express it, because now, he's dying.

One second he was having his last thoughts, the next, he was in his apartment.

Like nothing even changed. He just.. woke up. His head hurt like shit though, and his stomach was killing him. But it wasn't the kind of pain he was used to, it was almost like.. phantom pain. Like his stomach had been gutted. 

Wait.

Wasn't he gutted? Wasn't he just bleeding out in the art room?

Kazutoshi lifted his sweater. And his stomach was fine. He wasn't dead. He was still here by some miracle. There were a few scars that weren't there before though.. He stared at himself in the mirror, his roots were showing, so that meant time had passed. Passed while he was in a.. killing game. It felt weird to say in his head, but he knew for a fact that it was a killing game, Isono was dead. Sasaki had been executed. Chiba was dead. And Harada had been executed too. He was supposed to be next.. He was going to be killed by Okazaki. But.. he wasn't.

He's here now. And now, he tugged at his shirt, looking at the scar around his neck. It was stitched up, and stitched up well.

How the fuck was he alive?

And... what about his rent? Is he gonna be evicted? Kazutoshi exited the bathroom, and looked at the bills on his table.. He slid it towards himself, and picked it up carefully. He read the text briefly, preparing to be met with piles and piles of debt to dig himself out of. But instead, the bills he had were new. Just for next week, not even a notice, a reminder. 

Weird.. who had been paying for his rent? 

And why the fuck would they? 

He just woke up from a fever dream. Where four people before him had died, then he died next. What happened to Ken? What happened to everyone else? What kind of magic bullshit did he get into? Again, how is he alive?

Kazutoshi shook his head.

He could deal with the backstory behind that later, he.. he just wanted to see his aunt again. Even if she sucked at being a parental figure. She never really wanted to be.. But.. she.. didn't.. Kazutoshi can't explain it. Even if it's stupid. He wants to see his aunt again. And he wanted to see Ken again. He never got the chance to tell him what he felt. He hesitated, and the very next morning, he had been cut up into pieces by the psycho.  

His phone buzzed. He had to meet up with the team. And do another clean. 

And even after cleaning up murderers while stuck in a murder game, he still had money to get. But, he'd also probably have to deal with his boss, fair enough this time, he was gone for.. who knows how long. He has money to make.

So Kazutoshi stood up, grabbed his bag, put on his shoes, and headed out the door.

"Kamimura?"

Ah, the old man who lives next to him. "Oh. Uh. Hi." He replied awkwardly. "It's been a while since I last saw you! Are you doing okay? Going out for a job?" He asked with a smile on his face, Kazutoshi knew he was just making small talk. But it was kind of hard to answer like this.

"Yeah.. it's... been a month. I'm fine though, thanks for asking. And yeah, I have to meet up with my boss." He explained briefly. "Well, don't let me hold you back! Stay safe, kiddo." The old man warned. "Uhm. Yeah. Sure, thanks, I will." He nodded, as he walked further down the hallway. It's been a month since he last saw the old man. He greeted him a ton whenever he left for jobs. It was.. nice. He supposes. But maybe that's just because his standards have been lowered ever since he was in a killing game.

── .✦

Woo.

Small win, he isn't losing his job over being missing for a month. Now, he just has to go with this shift unpaid, which.. is honestly not that convenient or enjoyable. But.. he isn't losing his job. So that's good at the very least. And he's poor. Poor people can't really complain in this economy, he had to learn that the hard way. 

He tried arguing with his boss! He really did, but it's kind of hard to argue about that when you went missing for a month and neglected your job. 

Even if he went missing unwarranted and unknowing, he still went missing. And he was pretty damn good at cleaning up dead bodies, so the team had lost a bit of profit while he was gone. 

After that mess of a day, Kazutoshi had dropped his bag at the side of his door, placed his shoes on the rack, and made a break for the washroom. He was gonna take a nice long hot shower. Even if his bills would skyrocket, he needed this. Pretty damn deserving after he just got revived from the dead. Speaking of the killing game, he should contact Ken.. If he could remember his number properly. 

He's sure he can, he just needed to take a break first. 

Kazutoshi deliberately avoiding looking at his neck for too long. It was a reminder of how he had died. He doesn't even know how he's alive now.

However he is, he doesn't really want to know.

── .✦

His phone buzzed as he squeezed the towel at the ends of his hair. 

An unrecognized phone number.. wait. No, not some random person calling him. It's Ken's number. Wasn't it? 

He grabbed the phone, accepting the call at the same time, pressing it to his ear. "Ken..?" He had called out first, being met with a sigh of relief from the other end. He could tell it had been Ken's voice immediately. "Kazutoshi..? You're okay." He stated. But it came out more like a question. "You're.. alive." He whispered, it sounded as if he were in disbelief. "Yeah. Hi." He responded. "It's really you.. I'm so so sorry." He apologized, and his voice trembled in a way that made Kazutoshi think he was about to cry. "I.. I couldn't protect you. I'm so sorry." He kept on repeating as a mantra. 

"Ken." He interrupted.

"H-Huh..?"

"It's not your fault. You didn't kill me. I'm fine."

"I-I couldn't protect you. I promised I would. I failed again." 

"Unless you were the one to kill me, which I know you weren't, you aren't guilty." He heard Ken's sniffles. "B-But-" He tried to interrupt. "But nothing. You're fine, Ken. You didn't do anything, it isn't your fault." He said in a straight-forward voice. "I really really missed you, Kazutoshi." Which made him scoff in return. "Jeez, Ken, quit being so sappy to me." Kazutoshi laughed lightly. "You had just died! I missed you a lot! M' not being sappy, I'm just telling the truth." Ken argued.

"E-Enough about that now.. are you okay right now? Like at your apartment?" Ken asked, concern, his usual tone laced over. "I'm fine, are you okay..? I still honestly don't know how I'm alive." He commented. "I'm alright, my mom's been handling most of the paperwork for me.. a-and.. well, you know Ojima?" 

"Yeah? What about him?" He remembered the spaced out boy who had to often do damage control for Hiroaki.

"He um.. he told me to contact you, and to tell you that everyone was planning on meeting up in Tokyo." Ken informed. "Why Tokyo?" He questioned, it just seemed so specific. "It's where Hiroaki lives.. a-and Isono, Wada, Tsuno, Takeshi, Yanagi, Tamba, Sasaki, and Hayashi are pretty much already there.. Chiba and Harada are heading there.. I'm not so sure about everyone else though. I know I am, my sister's encouraging it. Not like I have to go back to school after everything." Ken rambled. That's a bunch of people for one day... 

"Ew. Hiroaki." He replied shortly.

"Sure, you may not like him. But meeting up with the others feel kind of important. To figure out with what happened."

"Fuck them? I can't afford to go to Tokyo." He said flatly. It was the truth. Traveling costs money, costing he didn't exactly have that, he couldn't just teleport to Tokyo or something. Ken chuckled lightly, and he felt his cheeks heat up. He fucking hated his stupid heart. Now that they weren't in a killing game, he could wait. Wait for the right moment. 

"I could probably pay for your plane ticket, a-ah, i-if you wanted me to!" Ken offered. "What? No, I can't just steal your money like that."

"It's fine! Really, I have a bunch for emergencies. And to be honest.. I really want to see you. So, I think I'm gonna send you that ticket anyways. It's called killing two birds with one stone." Ken pressed anyways. "Seriously, you don't have to do shit for me, if you seriously send me a plane ticket to Tokyo I'll feel like shit if I don't come, so you're basically forcing me to attend Hiroaki's shitty house party."

"Maybe I just want you to come, then." He said bluntly, and Kazutoshi rolled his eyes. "Fucking fine, if you're gonna be so pressed about this." He agreed. "But I'll have to pay back for the plane ticket money." 

"It's fine! I won't accept it! Kazutoshi, I literally can just go and win more money, it's not a big deal." 

"Nope. I'm paying you back. And, I'm probably gonna sleep now."

"I still won't accept it!" He replied to the first half of his statement. "But.. Yeah, you should rest, Kazutoshi. Good night, s-stay safe, okay?" 

Fuck, he hated how caring Ken sounded right now.

"Yeah. Sure. You too, bye." He responded casually, because he wasn't going to be a fucking weirdo about it. "Bye." Ken said quietly before hitting the end call button after a minute of just staying there. Kazutoshi had done that exactly just to mess with Ken, he knew it'd take a while for him to do that. He smiled to himself, it was just the taller boy's charm. His wet kicked puppy dog charm. 

But about the ticket thing, there's no way Ken was serious though, right? 

Hopefully he could put in sick days for Hiroaki's shitty house party and just.. never fucking be sick actually again for the rest of his working days. Whatever he did, he could deal with later, Kazutoshi collapsed onto bed.

He was going to sleep for now.

Chapter Text

"Are you a thousand percent I should go..?"

"Yes!" Mao nodded. "Ken, we already bought the tickets and everything, if you're too nervous to go, think about Kamimura! He'd be really annoyed with you if you made him go to Tokyo on his own." She brought up. "Don't bring Kazutoshi into this!" He yelled. "I'm trying to find a motivation for you here, Ken, you keep on talking about him, and it's working!" And unfortunately, she's right. Kazutoshi would be pissed at him. Ken still wants to see Kazutoshi really badly.. especially since the last time he saw him physically was.. "I'll go.." He said, it coming out more like a whine. 

"Good, we're literally already at the airport, you kind of couldn't back out." She pointed out.

And yes, it was true, they were at the airport. He had a small suitcase with him, with not that much clothing inside, but his medication, a book, and more importantly his phone. If anything went wrong, then he could call his mom or sister. Hopefully, Ken wished that things would go smoothly, as soon as it could go with the group of people he was meeting up with. 

"Call us if you need anything! Call us when you get there!" His mom reminded. "I got it, mom." He shoved off the concern. His mom pulled him into a hug, and Mao joined. "Bye, we'll be with you in spirit!" She said. "Good luck with the Hiroaki Nakamigawa, I heard he was a dick honestly." Mao went with a joke, he chuckled lightly. But Ken can remember him being a little deeper than just a 'dick'... But that was probably past the third trial.. He can't remember much after Okazaki got executed..

He can remember Watari setting the school on fire.. and Hama being framed for being a murderer with that.. But then..

Ken can't remember past that. But he doesn't think he made it out, he'd probably remember leaving. Maybe he had been killed then, he would've been an easy target. Pretty isolated after Kazutoshi had...

He really wants to see Kazutoshi.

Letting go of his mom and sister, he gave them a tiny wave as he walked to the security checkout. It wouldn't be the first time he left the country, but it's the first time he left the country alone, his mom was pretty worried about that. 

But it went pretty smoothly, if not a little slow at first. But finally, he was on the airplane. He leaned back onto the airplane seat, and fell asleep.

── .✦

He was here...

Ken stood in front of the tall mansion building, it was super modern, with a bunch of glass, and a sleek simple style. It was pretty fitting for Hiroaki.. From what Ken can remember. As well as a long staircase leading up to the huge front door. With the building being tall and intimidating, Ken wasn't sure if he should enter or not. If he got the wrong address, then it'd be embarrassing to call a taxi back. And to also ask if Hiroaki was there..

"Hasegawa?" He heard a familiar friendly voice.

"Uh, Harada?" He turned around to see Harada. Alive. Not strangulated. And fine. But there was a strangulation mark at his neck. It was red and swelling, but he was standing. So he was alive. 

"I didn't expect to see you out here.. I would've thought you lived closer." He commented, walking closer to Ken. He shifted on his feet. "U-Uh.. yeah, hi. It's nice to you.. um.. alive." He said awkwardly. Harada just laughed it off. "Heh, yeah, this whole thing is kind of crazy, huh?" That line sounded familiar. "I can't say I made it out either.. I'm not so sure when I 'died' though.." He made air-quotes. Since he wasn't dead, he was alive. "Really? You were super smart, I would've definitely thought you made it out! But... I.. I don't really know what happened after I died, since, I, y'know, died." Harada walked up a step. Ken followed him.

"I can remember Kazutoshi dying.. th-then Tsuno-"

"Oh seriously? Tsuno?"

"Y-Yeah.. I don't want to talk about the experience with the culprit.. U-Uhm.. something happened with Watari killing herself after Okazaki got executed though." He informed. "Was she painted as the culprit? I really didn't expect you to be so.. direct with this. It's a killing game." Harada mumbled.

"A-Ah, sorry! I just.. I don't know.. but uhm, Hama was the culprit by technicality. Watari set him up." Ken said meekly.

"I'm.. just glad we're all here today. After that?"

"I-I.. I don't know. I'm sorry, I can't really remember well. It was all pretty foggy after Kazutoshi died.. I just felt like it would've been bad if I forgot Watari and Hama dying, you know.." He muttered, preferring to look at the floor instead of Harada's face. He squeezed his eyes, bracing himself for something he wasn't sure was coming in the first place. Instead, he was met with Harada placing a careful hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, Hasegawa, it's fine. We're all fine. And we're gonna figure out what happened. Whatever happened after that, I think you did your best. You're a good person." He assured. 

Ken didn't really feel like a good person. 

No murderer would twist his limbs off, then snap off his head to finish him. 

Doesn't that only leave him with being a culprit?

"I.. I think I killed someone." He thought out loud. "Hey, it's all good. I'm sure you were pushed to the edge, o-or it was an accident! A technicality like you said." Harada tried calming him down, but it didn't really work. He held his breath, because he wouldn't want to stall Harada and leave him outside while he had a breakdown. "L-Let's just go inside for now.. s-sorry for keeping you out here.." Ken gestured to the door.

Harada nodded, his face still empathetic of Ken's panic. He knew how it felt to be guilty. But.. who would Ken even kill? Why would he kill? 

Besides him, Harada clicked the doorbell. It rang, and he heard shuffling from the inside of the house. 

"Who is it!?" 

Hiroaki stood at the door, in his usual street fashion, with a hand on his hip. His eyes darted to Ken for a second. He could see fear. He could see... confusion. But he scoffed at the two of them, having his usual smugness, and gestured for them to come in. Harada had greeted everyone, but Ken waved awkwardly. 

Until..

"Hey, fuckers." 

He turned around to see Kazutoshi standing at the still left open door. His bag hanging off of his shoulder, with his head on his shoulders. He had a different sweater on, one with bones imprinted on the front, a zipper down the middle. Kazutoshi had it zipped up just halfway. Instead of the usual turtle neck shirt he had on before, he had a white shirt over it, his neck was still covered though. His earbuds had loosely draped from his ears. Alive. He had his usual snarky smile that Ken missed.

Who he kidding?

Ken had missed Kazutoshi as a whole. His jaw was dropped, and before anyone else could say something, Ken had his arms around Kazutoshi's neck. And his head was buried into his chest, he pulled Kazutoshi close. Because he couldn't before. He didn't before. He let Kazutoshi go. And he ended up dead. Kazutoshi had his arms hovering over his back, hesitant to return it. But at some point, Kazutoshi had softly placed his hands on his back. Accepting the hug.  

He cried into his shoulder. And he felt his pulse. It had a beat. It thumped softly, and Ken listened to it carefully. 

Holding onto every vibration and sound, as if it would go away when he let go. Kazutoshi was back. Kazutoshi was alive. It hit him, he was here. He was back. All that time he had spent without him. The days he thought had zero meaning. It's all okay. Because Kazutoshi is alive. And he's fine. Ken's loneliness felt rotting and infectious, it's cured, in a way. 

Kazutoshi really did that.

He was amazing. And Ken silently vowed to never let go of him again.

"Okay, that's enough, quit crying on my floor." Hiroaki interrupted, his arms crossed. "Hey, give them a break, you know the two of them were really close." Tsuno vouched, dealing with Wada clinging onto her arm herself. She'd know how it feels. Hiroaki was about to open his mouth to say something, when Takeshi had elbowed him before he could say anything. It didn't matter, since Yanagi had walked into the room.

"No. No. Shigeki, we're gonna go over here." Hiroaki walked over, and guided him away from the group, Ken noticed how his fists were curled up into balls. Just the state they were before he had beaten up Hiroaki.

"Is he okay..?" Ken asked, his voice muffled into Kazutoshi's sweater. "I'm not sure, actually. I'll ask him about it later on." Sasaki had offered, her sweater the off-white it was before. Before she had been kind of.. executed. "Okay, that's enough, Ken." Kazutoshi lightly pushed Ken backwards. He sniffled, he didn't want to let go, but Kazutoshi made himself clear. 

"I-I'm.. really glad you're alive."

"Yeah, I know. I could probably tell. You dived head first into me." Kazutoshi joked. Ken laughed, but it came out crackly and broken. He became someone else entirely without Kazutoshi by his side. "I really missed you too, smart-ass." He said quieter. But it still brought a smile to Ken's face. "I.. I'm.. so so fucking sorry." He was still crying. His lip trembled. He tried wiping the tears coming from his eyes. But no matter how much he rubbed his eyes, they just kept on coming. "I.. I really failed you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I couldn't get you out." He spluttered out an apology. It's not the first time he broke down in front of this group of people, so. It's not the worst thing in the world. 

"Seriously, Ken, stop crying on me. It's not your fault. It would've never been your fault." Kazutoshi repeated what he had said on the phone call. It didn't help the guilt Ken felt. "You didn't do shit, I know you feel guilty. But she would've found a way around it. Planned again. Someone was still going to die. If it was me, then you would've ended up the same. I... I'm sorry for leaving you." He looked away from Ken. 

"What..?"

"Your-.. Nevermind. I just.. I can tell it was hard for you. I can't say I would've been any better without you. So..  yeah. Fuck, I'm sorry. If we didn't come back to life like that... I don't know how you could've lived with that."

"But.. I.. I don't think I lived."

Kazutoshi's eyes darted to Ken immediately. "Shit, actually? Who killed you?" A lump of air came up into Ken's throat. "I... sorry. I don't know what really happened after Watari and Hama died. I don't think I made it out though. I think I would've remembered doing that... But.. I can't really remember dying. I can remember feeling like I was dying? My arms and legs really hurt.. o-other than that.. I.. don't know." Ken rambled, admitting a bunch. 

"Y-yeah.. Ken, about that, can I ask you what you did remember?" Takeshi asked. "Sure.. It'll probably be worse than what you remembered though.."

An abrupt gasp came from Tamba when she had walked into the room. "Toshi!" She practically crashed into Kazutoshi as she called that out. Ken stepped to the side. That reunion, he had no part in. He isn't sure how he'd handle it if Kazutoshi signaled for help.. they were close, right? It'd feel wrong to take that from Tamba after he had just cried in front of the entire group..

"Come on! Mai is in the other room!" Tamba dragged Kazutoshi to the other door, he didn't seem so reluctant, but she let go of his arm after making sure he was following behind.

"Now that they're in the back.. Hey, Ken, I just.. we need to know how much you remember. Like after Watari had died." Takeshi turned to him after the two of them had left the room. But he looked kind of.. nervous. To be around Ken. Just what did he do? Why did Yanagi suddenly have to leave the room once Ken entered it? What did he do? 

"I.. Nothing. I can remember.. dying. I.. d-did I kill someone..?" He asked the question. 

Takeshi looked away. Opting for the ground instead of Ken's eyes. Which was fine, he was okay with that. He doesn't really want to make eye contact right now either. "You um.. you did. You can't remember it at all?" Takeshi questions, and Ken shook his head. "N-No! I really really don't remember much after Kazutoshi died! I-I.. what did I do..?" 

"You... you did a lot." Takeshi put eloquently. 

"Shigeki is pretty mad at you.. even when I told him you didn't remember much.. s-so.. just.. You.. You really did a lot." He tried putting it simply. The look in his eye. The distance he stayed at. "Can I know what I did? So I can apologize. I need to a-apologize, I-.. I definitely hurt you.. You look so scared. I don't think I c-can blame you though. I-I don't know what I did. B-But I'm sorry." He just started talking at some point. Trying to make it better. "Y-You don't need to accept it or anything. If you're looking at me like you are now.. then I think.. I really messed up." He clarified. 

"I-I'll need to tell you about what you did with the others.. I.. I don't know if I can accept your apology though. But... It was really fucked up in there. I don't know if I could tell you I knew what you were thinking about. B-Because I don't."

Ken held his breath.

"I.. please don't try anything. I can't forgive you yet. I don't know if the others will."

"And I'm still sorry."

"I know."

"Takeshi!" Hiroaki swung the door open. "Call Hasegawa later! We need to talk about this before Shigeki beats him up!" Takeshi looked at Hiroaki, then back at Ken. "I-It's fine, go." Takeshi nodded, rushing over to Hiroaki.. He didn't really like the sound of Yanagi beating him up. Considering the fact that he had almost killed Hiroaki on the second week. 

Once Takeshi had left, Sasaki approached him, led him to where all the bags were being kept, as well as pointing him in the direction of where Kazutoshi was. He quickly thanked her, and went back to his side.

On the balcony. Away from everyone, he can't say he was a big fan of huge get-togethers. 

"Oh, hey, Rui finally decided to leave me alone. Glad you're back." He greeted, leaning on the railings. "I... fuck. I messed up." He buried his head into his hands. "I left you for five minutes, you couldn't have robbed the world bank or some shit." Kazutoshi scoffed. "Unless you did." He turned to Ken, and he shook his head (while it was still buried in his hands). "I think I fucking murdered someone. I-.. I definitely didn't get killed by someone. My head got snapped off. I didn't get murdered. So.." He faced away from Kazutoshi.

"If you did murder someone, that's fucking stupid. But... I don't know why you did. I'm sure you at least had a reason."

"I.. you should've seen the look on Takeshi's face. Tamba guided you away from me. She didn't want to see me either. Yanagi walked out of the room because of me." He reminded frantically. "Even Wada! He hid behind Tsuno as soon as I walked in! I don't know what I fucking did but... I.. I really messed up, Kazutoshi. I.. I'm horrible. I have to be." Ken stressed.

"Ken, I know you had a reason. But it's fucking stupid. You were so close. Who did you even kill?" Kazutoshi's brow furrowed.

"I.. wait.. If.. it can't be them.. and..." 

The only other person alive was Hayashi. It would explain why Yanagi was so mad.

"Oh my god."

"Who? You look like you just had a revelation."

"I think I fucking killed Hayashi."

"Mai? Shit, there's no way. She could rip you in half." Kazutoshi retorted. "W-Well, yeah. But I remember my execution a bit.. and Wada, Hiroaki, Takeshi, Tamba, and Yanagi were watching. Watari and Hama were already dead by last week.. so.." He explained his reasoning, and Kazutoshi's jaw dropped. "Oh my fuck, she got fucking killed?! Is that why Rui was so.."

"Yeah.. I.."

"Don't try to explain it, Ken. I can't decide whether or not you're in the wrong, because I have no fucking clue what happened. You don't either. You don't get to decide whether or not they forgive you. Just whether or not you choose to move past that or become a shitty bitter asshole. Knowing you, you'd probably move on. But I think they'll forgive you. But again, I was kind of dead. So no clue here."

Ken smiled at him again. "Thanks, Kazutoshi. Didn't know you were so wise all of a sudden."

"Yeah, I literally have proverbs that I follow." He remarked sarcastically. "Alright, now we're just lying." Ken added to the banter. "I'll take back my advice, you know. They'll hate you forever and you should become a drug dealer and throw away your future."

"We.. probably shouldn't joke about that.. here." This was Hiroaki's house. 

"Oh yeah, right. I kind of forgot about that."

"To be fair.. you were kind of dealing with being.. gone." He put lightly, Kazutoshi rolled his eyes. "You were dead too. By the way, have the others figured out anything about that?"

"N-No.. not that I know of. I came in the house like a minute before you did."

"Guess we'll find out later then." Kazutoshi said, staring at the purple-ish blue sky. It was late evening by the time he got there. "It's nice seeing the sky after so long." Kazutoshi commented, watching as a flock of birds had flown past them. It was weird after being in a basement for so long. "Yeah. I'm glad you're here with me." He said. It was cheesy and blunt. But he really meant it. "Quit with the sappy shit. You're gonna cry like every two minutes with that."

"It's true though!" Ken argued.

Kazutoshi just snorted, turning back to the sky. It was nice. They stayed in that nice air for a while. 

Chapter Text

"Okay, come over here." 

Nakamigawa dragged Shigeki over to the other room. Mai was there. She was okay. She was alive.

"You're such a big baby!" He scolded. "I am not being the weird one here." He clenched his fist tighter. "What happened?" Tamba asked, scrolling through her phone. "Ugh, Hasegawa. That's what happened. Right now he's crying on my floor because Kamimura got here. Shigeki over there is going to do ice fairy 2.0, seriously, he's not worth it." Tamba stopped scrolling on her phone immediately, and got up from the couch.

"Toshi is here?!" 

"Yeah. I forgot you two were friends. You were such a dick to him during the first week."

"And you weren't?" Tamba shot back. "Fair enough." Nagawa admitted. "I have to go talk to him! It's been so long since I had last seen him! Even when I called him on the phone! Now he can't hang up on me!" She beamed, exiting the room.

"Ugh.... you're being ridiculous."

"Shige, I told you already. No matter how mad you are at Hasegawa, it's not worth beating him up in front of everyone. No one will understand why, and you'll have your credibility down to zero." Mai explained, Shigeki almost felt like he was going to roll his eyes. But he'd never roll his eyes at Mai. The statement was just so... stupid.

"I. Told. Him. That. But this dumbass is gonna do it anyways." Nakamigawa stressed.

"He killed you, Mai! I don't know why you aren't angrier!" Shigeki threw out his hands. It's like he did nothing at all. Even if he had forgotten everything, he still did it. He admitted to it. He laughed about it. Like dying had been amusing. Like tormenting them had been easy.

Shigeki's blood boiled. He dug his nails into his palms. He couldn't let this go. 

Masanari nearly starved to death.

Hasegawa knew that would've happened if he had stolen his stash. It's the exact reason why he did so. He was using that against Masanari.

Nakamigawa had relapsed. Thanks to Hasegawa.

He took it from the other murderer who he had despised so badly. He was just as bad. If Hasegawa had loved Kamimura too, then he was just as bad. Hasegawa would've been aware enough to know that Shigeki loved Mai. He didn't just know of it. He exploited it.

He forced Takeshi to drink alcohol.

That was disgusting. He knew how Takeshi would react to that. He knew his past, he knew everything.

Hasegawa had everyone convinced it was Tamba.

He faked it so well. Leaving her on her knees crying. She didn't know it was him either. She just knew that she would never kill Mai. And she hadn't. Because Mai was an amazing person. Who had deserved to make it out the most.

Hasegawa knew that Mai was cared for. That's exactly why he did it.

Fucking bastard.

He stood up. He didn't care if he was going to beat him up in front of everyone. He didn't care if they didn't understand. He didn't care if Hasegawa didn't remember what he did. Because it still happened. That would never erase what happened. He isn't innocent. "Shige, you can't beat him up. He isn't worth it. You're smarter than this, come on." Mai grabbed his wrist. Gently letting it go once she was sure that Shigeki had stopped. She put a hand on her hip, and she sighed.

"I don't care. They don't have to understand me. It still happened. He knew everything. He's not getting away with this." 

"Shigeki, we can talk about all of this later. Takeshi is talking to him right now-"

"Takeshi is uncomfortable around him." Shigeki interrupted Nagawa. "He's doing this because he feels like he has to. For the group's sake. Hasegawa knew everything. He fucking exploited it. I'm not gonna just let him go back. I'm not gonna let him get away with it. He's just gonna run back to Kamimura. Then what?" Shigeki asked, looking at the two of them for an answer.

"We don't know how he's acting because we haven't talked to him. You won't let me talk to him. You can't just beat him up. He doesn't know it's coming." 

Shigeki turned around. 

"Mai." 

"Shigeki."

"You can't be defending him right now!" He exclaimed. "I'm not. He's a complete psycho for torturing all of us. And an asshole for killing me. I'm saying that you can't beat him up." She stated. Matter of fact-ly. "Takeshi!" Nakamigawa called out, and Shigeki looked at the door. Takeshi held onto the door frame, just standing there, a mixed expression on his face. Like he wasn't sure about something. "He doesn't remember. He hasn't remembered since I last talked to him. Shigeki, you can't beat him up. Not yet.. He wouldn't even know what he'd be getting beaten over!"

Why won't anyone let him beat up Hasegawa? "You all can't be serious!"

"It's not like I forgive him." Takeshi stated. "We should at least tell him what he did. Because he wants to apologize."

"A sorry isn't going to take back what he did." Shigeki gritted through his teeth. "It won't. But do you think beating him up will either?" Nakamigawa asked. It wasn't in a tone of defense. Just a question.

"Exactly."

"Fucking asshole."

"Excuse me?!" Nakamigawa screeched. "Hasegawa. Not you." Shigeki clarified. "We're going to talk with him before the meeting with Sasaki. Because if he's going to admit to being a culprit during the meeting, he at least has to remember he murdered someone. And did everything else." Mai said, arms crossed. It wasn't up for debate. "Fine. I'm coming with you. I'm not letting him pull any shit." Mai nodded slowly. "Listen, Shigeki, we're not forgiving him. We're not defending him. We're telling you it's a shit idea to beat him up."

"Beat who up?"

Shigeki turned to look at Tamba, who had been bouncing up and down. With Kamimura dragging his feet behind her.

He does remember quite a few of their conversations being of him. She did want to be his friend. They were friends. So, he supposes it's only natural that she's talking with him. What's bothering him right now, was the fact that Kamimura was back. It reminded him of the little speech Hasegawa had when he was about to be executed. 

That he had killed because it was there fault Kamimura was alive.

They had nothing to do with his death.

His logic was absolute bullshit. He knew that. He knew that but still murdered someone over it.

"The fuck are you looking at?"

Kamimura scowled. Shigeki put his hands up in defeat. "M-My apologies.. I.."

"Shigeki's fucking fuming at your boyfriend."

"Boyfriend..?"

"Mai means Hasegawa." Tamba answered.

Shigeki noticed the tint of pink on his cheeks. Fuck. He remembers one of the games, Tamba had told everyone that Kamimura had feelings for Hasegawa. Fuck. That meant that Hasegawa's 'love' was requited. "Seriously, if you're mad at Ken, go take it up with him." Kamimura muttered, to which Nakamigawa immediately started shaking his head.

"Well you heard him." 

"Shigeki. No."

"Toshi, he's really gonna go beat up your boyfriend."

"He's not my fucking-!" Kamimura placed a hand on his forehead in frustration. "He's not my boyfriend. Why are you pissed at him anyway?" Kamimura questioned. He didn't have a single fucking clue.

"That's a story for another day." Mai interjected. "The hell?" His brow furrowed. "I'm not five. I clean crime scenes for a living. If he got gutted or something, just tell me." Kamimura insisted. "It's not gory.." Tamba's voice trailed off trying to find a better way to put it. "I just don't think you'll believe us if we say what happened.. It's messed up. Coming from Hasegawa." She put it as.

"Shit then. Guess I'll never know."

"Guess you won't."

"Fuck you, Hiroaki." He stuck up the middle finger. "What did I even do this time!? You people hate me for no reason!"

"Yeah, that was kind of unprompted on my part." Kamimura admitted. "Are you going to apologize?" Hiroaki asked, sass lacing his voice. "No." Kamimura responded, unbothered. Tamba giggled, and then she skipped over to Mai. Mai had also been friends with Kamimura.. if Shigeki can remember properly. He had at least gotten along better with Mai than most people. Which wasn't hard to beat.

"Shigeki. Actually. Don't beat him up unless he prompts you first." Nakamigawa said, his tone serious.

"No promises."

"Whatever. Beat him up publicly. Go get a mouthful from Kamimura. Get a lecture from Manami. Get slapped by Mai. Except I think you'd actually like that part. So.. but yeah. It's not worth it."

"I don't care."

"You can't hate him forever."

".."

"Do whatever you want."

── .✦

"Oh, Hasegawa, hi! It's been a while!" Isono waved, Ken stopped. "H-Hi, Isono.. um.. yeah, it has. Nice to see you again." Ken replied awkwardly. Kazutoshi was trying to beat Wada in Smash, so he could probably stay to chat.

He took a seat across from her. He didn't want to be too forward.. and Ken felt like he needed to apologize as well...

"Soooo.. you aren't gonna play with Kamimura?"

"You mean with the video games? Yeah.. n-no.. I'm pretty bad at them." Ken sheepishly admitted. He really was terrible at video games. They never interested him.. and his hand-eye coordination is pretty mediocre at his best. "Fair, fair. They aren't for everyone. I destroyed Manami in Smash, she said she wanted to 'train'. Right now she's gonna go against Hama after Wada and Kamimura are finished." Isono laughed out of amusement. She had mentioned playing video games once, in her streaming career. 

"I can't really tell who's winning.." He muttered, turning over to the screen.

They were both intensely clicking the controllers. Aggressively too. It might've been able to convince Ken that Kazutoshi really did hate Wada with all the slander he had given him. 

"Eh.. it's pretty close I'd say. I didn't know Kamimura was good at Smash." She said, as a bunch of sound effects came from the screen. "I didn't know about Smash specifically. But he did say he liked playing before." He recalled. "Hm, I might ask to go against him later! I wanna beat everyone so I can get bragging rights." She declared. "Well.. make sure to get people who'd actually put up a fight... I definitely won't." 

"Hey, no! Everyone means everyone, I don't care if you're bad! I need that accomplishment!"

"It's.. just gonna be an instant game."

"Instant game or not, it's still a game." Isono huffed. "Right..." There was no arguing with her. She was pretty determined. "I'm glad I get to talk to everyone more, I missed a bunch while I was.. you know.. But anyways, I never would've guessed that Watari and Hama would become friends! Or that Hayashi is like a blonde magnet!" She listed. She was right about the blonde thing.

"Like, have you seen Yanagi look at her? And Tamba is clinging onto her like crazy! I never would've seen it coming. I mean... I kinda get the Tamba thing, but Yanagi?"

"I've gotten used to it." Ken mumbled. "How far did you make it anyways? You don't have to talk about what happened or anything!" Isono reassured him. "But if you stuck around for longer, then you'd probably have a better grasp on the dynamics and stuff." She made a point. "I mean... I almost made it to the end.. But I died before they got out.. I.. I still don't really know how." He explained.'

Isono frowned. But... he couldn't tell why. "Aw. You were close to getting out."

"Y-Yeah.."

He was sure that his death was one hundred percent deserved.. but he can't remember. So he can't be the judge of that.

"A-And Isono," She hummed in reply. "U-Um.. I'm really sorry that you died."

"What..?"

"You um.. asked me to protect you, right? I-I don't think I did a very good job... s-so... I'm.. saying sorry. I couldn't do it."

Isono blinked.

Then she snicked, covering her mouth. "H-Huh?" He called out. "Sorry! Sorry! Okay.. um. It's really not your fault! I would've never thought you were still caught up on that! Don't worry, it's okay. Even if we were still dead, I can't say it'd be your fault. It's hard looking out for so many people at once, and even though I did ask you, you didn't even accept it. I don't know how you even remember me saying that!"

"I..."

"It's fine. You did. And you're apologizing. I already got a bunch of stuff from Sasaki, I don't think I need any more apologies." She put her hands up in the air. "It's totally fine! Really. I feel bad that I said that now... you looked pretty.. confused. So I'm sorry too."

"What?"

"Yeah!" She nodded. "Come on, after Hama and Manami, I'm gonna teach you all about Smash brothers! I will pass on the light!" Isono smirked, getting up from her chair. Gesturing him to follow. Reluctantly, he did.

── .✦

Wada huffed, looking at the scene, showing that Kamimura won.

"Fuck yeah! Good game, Wada." Kamimura was still smiling. Hitomi can't exactly remember the last time she had seen him do that. Most of the time, his  face had a scowl on it. While he made some sarcastic comment. "Good game to you too... I-I didn't expect you to be so good at the game. Where'd you learn to button mash like that?" Wada asked. "I played a bunch in elementary. I picked it back up in middle school for a little bit. I guess it just came back to me." He explained.

Not like Hitomi really understood any of this terminology.. She doesn't really need to, she doesn't play often, nor see consoles often. When she does, she usually just watches. 

Wada and Kamimura hopped off the couch for Hama and Tsuno to play. 

From the corner of her eye, she could see Isono and Hasegawa chatting. "Jeez.. I didn't expect him to be that good."

"I still think you did a good job."

"O-Oh.. um.. thanks." Wada mumbled, his cheeks were often flushed red like that. At least when Hitomi talked to him. "I'm not going easy on you, Hama!" Tsuno proclaimed, getting more fired up than she thought he would. With the big TV that Nakamigawa had, and the newly brought switch from Isono, watching the game play was fairly entertaining. And high quality. 

"I'm gonna kick your ass in this! Just watch, my demon arm can totally do so!"

"Yeah! He'll do that!" Chiba yelled in support. Then elbowed Harada to do the same. "U-Uhm.. yeah!" He cheered weakly.

"I suppose the boost in morale is good for the group." Hitomi observed. Everyone had been happier. And they've all seemed to grow closer at the very least. So that was good. Communication would be easy if everyone liked each other. Having good communication means being able to understand their situation better. But for now, they were basically just hanging out like a group of friends. 

"When are we doing the meeting again?" Wada asked. "Around 7 PM. It's 5 right now.. I think the rest of the survivor group, other than you, are trying to tackle the Hasegawa situation." She stated. 

"Oh." His face flattened at the mention of him. "Sorry to bring him up."

"It's.. okay. You were just informing me." He said. "Listen, if he tries anything, come to me, come to Tsuno. Don't be afraid to ask for support." She reminded him. "Right.." He muttered in a half-hearted agreement. "I think the others are just trying to prevent Shigeki from beating Hasegawa up.. he um.. he kind of deserves it. But... I can't say that he doesn't have a reason.. unlike.. Okazaki." His voice got quieter as his sentence neared her name.

"I'm not gonna force you to talk about anything you don't want to."

"Thank.. you. I really.. really."

"Hey, it's fine." She assured. "I'm glad she's not here."

Hitomi was glad that the Hasegawa issue was being solved. But she did not want deal with the Okazaki situation.

Chapter Text

This is what being a supposed murderer gets you. It's.. fair. He doesn't remember doing anything like that. But he did. So.. that's all that mattered. He hurt all of them. They didn't want to forgive him. 

But, for some reason, Hayashi asked through Kazutoshi to meet up on the balcony. When he got there.. Tamba and Yanagi were by her side to.

Is he gonna get beat up? What do they want to talk about? He swallowed down his concern, and slide open the door. Staying at a reasonable distance away from them. Because if he got any closer, he was scared he was gonna.. well, Ken doesn't know what they're gonna do! He doesn't even know why they would do something to him! But it was obviously because Ken did something to them. 

It's not like he was gonna say it didn't happen. He just doesn't remember it. They all do, so that must mean that it's him who has the issue. 

Ken stood in front of the three of them.

He faced down, and he picked at the ends of his sleeves. It was already pretty ruined, since he did that a lot..

"Hasegawa."

Ken jolted in his spot. Looking at Yanagi glaring at him. It was unusual for the ice skater to have such a look on his face. Before, Yanagi used to greet him with the same (unsettling) polite smile he gave everyone. But now.. he was staring at him unsympathetically. His brow was furrowed, he stood in front of Hayashi, like a barrier. A barrier between who he had thought was a danger.

To them, he was a danger.

"Let's not waste any time. Takeshi said you didn't remember doing anything." Hayashi said, with her no-nonsense kind of voice.

It really did make Ken wonder, if he had killed Hayashi. How? She's Hayashi. Ken is way weaker than her physically, and she isn't the type of person just to head in first somewhere if it was a trap. 

"Answer."

Shit.

"Oh.. u-um.. right. I don't. Seriously. I-I don't.. what did I do...?" He asked. He didn't know. "I'm not acting! I'm not planning! O-Or something! I just.. what did I do? You're.. you're scared of me right now." Ken pointed out. Yanagi stepped back. Tamba edged closer to Hayashi. But it wasn't out of fear. Just attachment. "You just backed away. I-.. you didn't do that before. What did I do?" He repeated his question. 

Hayashi looked at the two of them before sighing. 

"I'm not gonna sugar coat this shit. Don't act surprised."

"I won't."

"You fucking gave Nakamigawa his reward back." Ken held onto the trim of his suit. He said he wouldn't be surprised. "You force fed Takeshi alcohol. And convinced him he hurt you while he was spaced out." She spat out. It looked like it was getting harder for her to ground herself. Ken let out a shaky breath. That must've been why he had been so.. uncomfortable around him earlier. Shaky. 

Would he do that?

Why would he do that?

"You replaced Shigeki's painkillers. Making him constantly throw up and sick."

That.. doesn't seem like him.

"Not to mention that you stole Masanari's food stash!" Yanagi angrily added. "He didn't eat for the entire week! He.. you knew he'd do that. You read our files you fucking piece of shit."

"I.. what..?"

"That too. You read all our files."

Why would he do that? 

"You frame Ruiko for murder. You were going to let us all die." Yanagi exhaled shakily. Ken took a step back instinctively. "Nakamigawa was stopping. Takeshi is scared of you now, and yes. F-Fuck.. you're right, you're fucking right. I am scared of you. Because you made literal bombs, knowing that they'd get Mai on edge! You made the same door traps Okazaki did! You're the fucking same as her! A-And now.. You're acting all innocent and.. fuck." Yanagi's anger translated into tears. "I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU, HASEGAWA!" He cried out, through his sobs.

"Y-You look like you did then. When Kamimura died. You look so damn afraid. As if you didn't just tell us all to fucking die! As if you weren't going to be the cause of Masanari's death if we got out of here! He was going to starve. You made Ruiko think it was her fault that Mai died! You didn't even give a single shit about any of that! Cause you were fucking delusional!"

"Shigeki."

Hayashi interrupted.

"I-I.. I can't even be mad at you. I can't do shit. B-Because now that's Mai's alive.. i-it doesn't matter. Now that you don't remember.."

"Shigeki, take a breath first." Hayashi reminded. As Yanagi wiped away his tears with his sleeve. 

Ken wanted to run away.

He wanted to flee. He wanted to go somewhere else.

But...

Instead of messing up his responsibilities as he always did. Like he did with Isono. Like he did with Kazutoshi. He should try to fix this one. 

"I-I.. I'm sorry." He whispered low. It was hard apologizing when you had to apologizing for murder and both physical and mental torture. "I.. I don't remember. I don't remember hating any of you. I don't remember doing any of that." He reminded.

"It doesn't make what happened any better. I-I.. it had to have happened with how you're looking at me now. If I was really capable of something like that.. then.. I think I'm scared too. The person you're talking about doesn't sound like me. But it happened. That was the side of myself that I don't want to see again. I.. I don't want to do anything like that again. I murdered Hayashi. I-.. I don't feel good about that." Ken admitted. "It's hard to accept my apology. I bet, if Okazaki apologized to me right now, I sure as hell wouldn't accept it. B-But.. you don't have to accept anything, I'm sorry. Any reason I had. Even if Kazutoshi was gone. It didn't make anything I did any better."

He looked up for a moment. Yanagi's teary face mixed. Tamba looking at him like someone new. And Hayashi, unreadable. But a hint of the desire to understand. 

Ken doesn't know the reason he did anything.

And it's not like he's trying to justify it.. he just wants to know.. 

Why?

They weren't horrible people. They were kids. Just like him. Ken can only assume that it was because of Kazutoshi. Because of the spiral he must've gone through with him gone. With the lights off.  His arm scratches. It buzzed. Like something was pounding underneath his skin. The thought that it was because of his mental state didn't seem far-fetched.

Ken's head bowed low. Waiting for a response from the three in front of him. It would be hard to reply to that, wouldn't it? 

"Hasegawa." Yanagi called out.

Ken looked up, at the ice skater. The same puzzled stare as before. He glanced at Tamba and Hayashi, before walking towards Ken. His arms swaying back and forth. He.. didn't know what to expect. But he did, didn't he? He knew what was coming. He knew the look in Yanagi's eyes. Ken just stood there. 

Yanagi's arm swung back, and his fist connected with Ken's cheek.

He just took it.

"Shigeki!"

"We said you couldn't beat him up!"

What else was he supposed to do? Justify murder?

Hayashi's quick footsteps came, and she grabbed him by the shoulders. Pulling him back from Ken. His hands were clenched into a ball. They were bruised. Ken rubbed his own cheek. It... hurt. Yanagi stepped back, releasing his hand. His head turned back up. And he looked at Ken directly in the eyes. Ken struggled to break that eye contact with him.

He did though anyways, he broke into tears. The only noise that was heard was him trying to muffle the crying. It ended up sounding more like a choke.

"I.. I can't forgive you for what you did."

"That's... probably fair."

"But.. I know that you were going through a hard time without Kamimura. I didn't really do anything to help you." He muttered. "It's not a justification, it's not something that excuses you. But.. with that in mind. I think sometime in the future. I-I want to forgive you. I.. want you to get better." Ken rubbed the sting on his cheek. The punch was valid. And he's seen that Yanagi can do much worse. Ken is glad that he's even considering accepting the apology.

"I.. apologize for punching you." 

"No. I-It's fine. I think I deserved it, honestly. I'm.. really sorry though. I just.. I don't get why I'd do that. I knew how it felt to lose the person you love." He thought back to Kazutoshi. "Maybe that was why you did it." Tamba muttered. She hadn't said anything the whole time. 

"I don't know." Tamba quickly said. "I'm sorry too, Tamba. You lost Kazutoshi too. But.. you didn't do what I did. S-So I'm sorry."

She struggled to reply to that.

"You should probably get ice for that. Shige punches hard."

"O-Oh! Um, yeah.. I'll find the kitchen."

── .✦

Ken ran over to the kitchen to get the said ice for his cheek. 

"Jeez, Ken, what happened to you?" Isono asked, tilting her head, trying to get a better angle to look at his bruise. Was it that bad? Ken takes a look back at it himself. Still basically black. Like earlier. "I-.. um.. Yanagi punched me." Guess there was no beating around the bush for this. "Huh? What? Why?" Her joking tone flattened. "U-Um.. It's nothing, really, I'm just getting ice for it now.. he punches hard. But I knew that." He reminded himself. This was on the lower end of bruises he could give.

"How?"

Ken closed the fridge door, and looked back at Isono. "How what?" He asked her. "How do you know he punches hard?" She clarified. "Oh, well, one time he beat up Hiroaki. So.. yeah."

"Yikes. I hope that got solved though, did it?"

"Yeah.. I kind of deserved it honestly." He muttered. "What did you do?" She was probably asking out of genuine curiosity. It was weird that he suddenly got punched by Yanagi. As far as she knows, he's been in his princely persona the entire time. "I-It's something from the killing game. Th-They wouldn't want me talking about it. Sorry.." He explained in short. 

"No, don't apologize.. just... jeez. That must it hurt."

"It does.." He semi-whined. "I'd tell you that I hope it heals quick.. but um.. I don't think it will.. since it's like.. really bruised." She gestured to his cheek as a whole. "Fair enough." He replied. "Yeah.. sorry, Ken, should I get Manami for you?" She offered, Ken shook his head. "It'll be okay... if it hurts worse then I'll come to her. Th-Thanks though." He declined. "No problem! Kamimura's right over there if you need him!" She directed.

"I'm.. not feeling so well."

"Then Manami could probably patch it up! Seriously, she'd be fine with it."

"I-It's not like I don't think she'd be not fine with it. She's Tsuno. I just need to.. um.. I'm just gonna go, see you around, Isono."

She looked unsure to let him go off, but she waved anyway. "Right.. uh, see you." Ken grabbed the pack of ice, then headed to the washroom.

Rushing out of the kitchen, he shut the washroom door. He sunk down next to the bath tub. It was fancy and sleek, just like the rest of Hiroaki's house. His knees reached his face, and he buried his head down.

If Yanagi meant every word he said. If what Hayashi said in the beginning was right. Then.. then he was just as bad as her. Just as bad as Okazaki was. Ken wasn't an idiot. He'd be able to tell whether or not Yanagi was in love with Hayashi. He knows that now. He can even see himself in Yanagi a bit, but only a bit. Ken really did hurt them.

He hurt them like how Okazaki hurt him.

There was no excuse for this. He fucking hates Okazaki. He might've found the others annoying. He might've missed Kazutoshi.

But would he really go that far?

Using their own files against them.. Using the same dirty tactic that Okazaki used. A door trap. He despises Okazaki. He... He wouldn't do that when he knew exactly how losing someone you loved felt.

But he did.

Ken isn't a hypocrite. He isn't going to just... 

It's disgusting.

He feels filthy. He feels gross around himself. 

Ken is like her.

He doesn't want to believe it. He doesn't want to accept that. But if he told everyone that he hated them. If he did all of that. He really is like her. Taking Kazutoshi away, just like he murdered Hayashi. He did the exact thing as the person he hates the most. What is he supposed to say to that? What kind of justification can justify that? Ken wiped the dry tears from his pants. 

Maybe it's like what Tamba said.

He knew that was how it felt to lose someone. He did that because he knew how it felt. Because.. Because he resented them.

Why?

Because Kazutoshi was dead?

It doesn't make sense.

Nothing he did before made any sense.

Why is he here now? Why is he alive now? Ken deserved it. He deserved to die. He was just the same as she was. Ken's death would've given Yanagi the same amount of satisfaction that he got when Okazaki got executed. No matter how bitter it was. No matter how foreign that concept could be to him. He didn't want to be that kind of person. He didn't want to harm people in the way he did then. 

He was horrible.

Just like her.

It doesn't matter that he would've never done this if he weren't prompted to. He still done it.

The way that they look at him. He can't bear it. It's a reminder. 

Reminder that he failed. It's his own fault that he fell into a spiral once Kazutoshi died. Because he couldn't protect him. It's his own fault that he resented everyone. If he had resented everyone because Kazutoshi was dead. Then it was his own fault. Because it was his fault that Kazutoshi was dead. 

How pathetic is that?

Pinning the blame on people who had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Did he know that?

Did he do it despite that?

Just what kind of person did he become? He can't even answer that, because he can't remember. He can't remember what he did. He can just remember the feeling. The feeling of resentment. 

Just how stupid is that?

Why was he the one to forget everything? Would it have been better if he remembered? Or.. would he be stuck with that bitter anger he held against the others? He only let it go when he literally died. How strong was it? The feeling he had. How can you even try to find a cause for something that messed up? There is no logical justification. 

Ken looked back down at his arms. Rolling up the sleeves. 

Those weren't there before.

They were sharp and.. quick. But there were many. It dug into his skin. They were messy. Like he didn't know what he was doing. 

Why?

All that loss he felt.. he surely must've felt it. It was all just to be turned into a weapon, a motivation to harm.

He's an idiot.

And even worse, he's like her.