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On an early Saturday morning, Sean Cameron was doing a regular shift at Tony’s when his girlfriend Liberty Van Zandt walked in. “Well if it isn’t my brainy beauty,” he greeted flirtatiously as she came right up to him. He temporarily paused his work involving the inspection of a car a customer brought in for repairs.
“You flatter me too much, Sean,” Liberty scolded him lightheartedly.
“I don’t flatter you, enough,” he argued before pulling her close to him, “Now give me a kiss, babygirl.” She giggled first before doing so, tenderly pressing her lips against his. When they broke apart Sean smacked his lips in delight as he tasted her cinnamon flavored lip gloss. “What brings you in here to visit me?”
She held out a small white container for him. “I brought you lunch. As a preview for our big picnic date tonight,” she declared with a smile.
“Oh yeah?” He asked next as he took it from her hands. From the weight of the container, he had a good feeling there was a sandwich in there. He was always hungry for a sub or a BLT.
“There’s gonna be a lot more food in the basket so don’t get too full beforehand, okay?” Liberty promised.
“I have two stomachs when it comes to your cooking,” he boasted, making them both chuckle. Then he pulled her into another kiss, one slightly more deeper this time. He could never get tired of kissing her full, sweet lips. As Liberty ran one of her fingers down his biceps, the feel of her French tipped nails created a pleasant sensation against his hard skin. His girlfriend had got them done yesterday and it was the first time she had ever had a manicure with long nails. It was because today was a special occasion: their first big date after getting back together. They broke apart again.
“Well, I don’t want to interrupt your work. I’ll see you later this evening, my love,” she told him, while sensually rubbing her hand up and down his chest. He knew how much she loved his muscles and abs without her having to say it. She gave him one last night flirty smile and longing look before leaving his presence and walking out of the shop.
Sean smirked. He was almost sad to see her go but he knew that they were going to be doing plenty more kissing during their picnic tonight. Jay, who was helping him with the car inspection, whistled.
“I mean no disrespect, Sean, but you’re one lucky bastard with what you got with Liberty. A hot girlfriend who likes bringing you lunch and organizes picnics for you? Whew,” his best friend declared wistfully.
“Yeah, and she’s for my eyes only. Remember that, buddy,” Sean threatened. His friend threw his hands up in defense.
“You don’t have to worry about me, buddy. No smart guy will want to fight with your cuckoo ass over that girl,” Jay assured him dryly.
“Good, because I’m already pissed enough as it is that J.T. swooped right in and dated her while I was gone,” he complained while scowling at the idea. Thankfully, they were broken up when he came back from Wasaga, though J.T. had been plotting to get her back. But then Liberty picked him instead.
“But you got her back. Shouldn’t that be enough for you?” His best friend argued.
On paper it was, but a part of Sean that he would never admit openly still felt bitter that Liberty dated the goofball at all. When they first got together in grade nine, J.T. got angry, lashed at him like a brat, and he had nearly whooped his ass for the behavior. He had been worried back then that Liberty was just using him as a rebound crush. They had barely interacted as friends throughout junior high, and when she first started crushing on him while they worked on a history project, he was grossed out. He had seen Liberty as weird and annoying for so long and couldn’t picture himself with her, especially when she tried to act like a “bad” girl in a poor attempt to impress him. Initially, he had rejected her harshly until he felt bad and gave her a chance. On their first date, he realized she was the cutest, sweetest thing and quickly got attracted to her. They were happily dating after that. But her crush on J.T. had been going on for three years at that point beforehand, and he feared that she would drop him like a hot potato if she had the slightest indicator that J.T. was finally beginning to like her back. Luckily for him, she never did, and as their relationship developed, what they were beginning to feel for each other was love.
Then the shooting happened and he had to leave her and Degrassi behind to find peace with himself in Wagasa with his parents. During that time period, he never stopped thinking about her even as he tried to have relationships with other girls. None of the girls in Wasaga could hold a candle to Liberty. By the end of his grade eleven year, he knew he had to come back for her. Liberty was hesitant to get back together with him but within the first week of school, he successfully convinced her that they were meant to be even with J.T. trying to interfere. He wanted to believe he was the only one for Liberty like how she was the only one for him…but her and J.T. had history…
And he didn’t even know the full extent of how deep their relationship was. Liberty dodged the question every time he tried to ask.
Later at the apartment he shared with Jay, Sean dressed up for his evening picnic with Liberty. He put a light blue dress shirt over his white tank top. He considered wearing slacks instead of denim jeans but decided to go with the jeans. Hopefully he would look good enough for Liberty.
During their first relationship, he never really dressed up for their dates considering all of the dates were at The Dot, the movie theater, the park, the mall, arcades, the library, or car races on the outskirts of the city. Liberty, despite her upper background, never minded and that’s what he loved about her. She was not as snooty as she appeared on the surface and she genuinely liked him in his beanies, hoodies, and bandanas. But now they were older and he had a job, he needed to impress her more. He actually wanted to be the one to organize their first big date as a newly reconciled couple but Liberty insisted on taking charge. “You’ve always been the one to spoil me, I want to spoil you,” she had declared with that stubborn look in her eyes, the look that said that she wasn’t changing her mind. Because he respected her headstrong nature, he accepted it but their next date definitely had to be organized by him, and it had to be big and grand.
After combing his long hair out neatly, and spraying some cologne on his skin, Sean drove over to her place. He knew what neighborhood she lived in from the old days of their relationship where she would sneak him over whenever her parents were at work. As he passed by all of the fancy, nicely built suburban looking homes, he tried not to get envious while thinking of the “homes” he grew up around: trashy, decrepit trailer parks. He was never going to forget the dirty look one of Liberty’s neighbors gave him when he first came by the neighborhood as if he was some thug in danger of robbing their house. Admittedly, the life she lived compared to him always had him a bit envious. He parked across the street, walked up to her front door, and knocked. When the door opened, Liberty was on the other side.
“Hey,” he greeted with a big smile, making sure he was showing off his dimples. She told him on multiple occasions that they were his best feature along with his eyes and thick eyebrows. But now she was liking his hair too in its current long and curly state.
“Hi,” she replied with an excited smile. Sean looked over his girlfriend’s appearance in awe. She was wearing a lavender sundress with a lavender floral print design. The skirt was above her knees. Her long curly hair was down and styled with a matching, lacy lavender headband. He could smell apple scented shampoo from where he was standing. Purple flower shaped earrings were worn in her lobes. Her makeup consisted of purple eyeshadow and pink lip gloss. “What do you think?” She asked while giving him a little twirl.
“I think I’m looking at the most gorgeous woman in the world,” he declared. Jay was right; he was one lucky bastard. Liberty had always been pretty to him but the last time they dated, she was just a cutie pie. Now? She had become a full on goddess.
She giggled sweetly before holding out a big picnic basket for him. “Do you mind taking this one?” She requested.
As soon as Sean took it, he took a big whiff of it. Immediately from the intense aroma he was smelling from multiple foods, he could tell that everything in here was good.
His belly started rumbling.
They walked to a park in her neighborhood for their picnic. As soon as they found a good spot, Liberty laid down a multi-colored quilt for them to sit on. From a smaller basket, she took out a battery powered lantern so they could have light as the sun set.
“Alright, let’s see what we got in here,” Sean said as he opened up the larger picnic basket. His eyes widened in pleasant surprise as he picked out the foods: two large sandwiches, seafood and macaroni salads, rolls, a veggie tray, a tray of different cheeses, a small bin of strawberries, deviled eggs, and best of all, chocolate cake. “Damn, you prepared all of this?” He asked as his mouth watered.
“I prepared it all with pride,” his girlfriend confirmed with a smile as she pulled out two small mason jars filled with strawberry lemonade from the smaller basket next.
Sean knew that he was going to have to work out when he got home.
“You’re way too perfect, Liberty,” he praised while they ate. He was resting on his side while munching on his slice of chocolate cake. Everything was delicious and savory. “I can’t believe I didn’t want you at first.”
“Well, at least you changed your mind,” she assured him with a soft sweet smile while taking a bite from her slice of chocolate cake. He reached out and caressed one of her curls. He could tell that she used hairspray by how glossy and shiny they were in the moonlight. And the scent on her was intoxicating. He liked the vanilla scented shampoo that Emma used when they were dating but he loved the apple cinnamon scent on Liberty. It fit her so perfectly.
“If I could place the whole world at your feet, I would,” he declared before his demeanor grew more melancholy, “I came from nothing. I started at the bottom, but when it comes to you, I will give you anything you want despite it all.”
“You don’t have to do all of that. There’s a lot I can get on my own,” she argued. He cupped her face next affectionately.
“I know, because you’re an independent girl and that’s what I love about you. But you still deserve to be taken care of after everything you do, and that’s what I’m here for,” he argued back before picking up a strawberry to slowly feed her with, emphasizing his point. Liberty eagerly took nibbles of the fruit, licking her lips happily after fully consuming. She grinned at him and he returned the favor. They were both fans of the sweet and slightly tart fruit. He picked up another strawberry to do the same thing. She giggled into between bites and it was the cutest thing.
“I would never imagine in grade seven that Sean Cameron would be feeding me some day,” his girlfriend declared, making him chuckle next as he continued feeding her strawberries.
When it got too dark outside, Sean walked his girlfriend home. He had his arm around her waist. “I don’t want this to end,” he admitted to her with a sad smile, “It feels too early.”
His belly was warm and full but only with food. He was still craving more of Liberty.
A sky look grew on her face. “Maybe it doesn’t have to. We still have approximately forty minutes until I have to walk through my front door,” she replied. He raised an eyebrow in interest.
“What do you have in mind on what we can do?” He asked. She smirked flirtatiously.
The next thing Sean knew, they were making out intensely in the backseat of his car. Their lips smacked passionately against each other, their tongues rolled against each other, and their hands were roaming all over each other’s bodies. He was determined to lick every trace of her lip gloss off until her lips were bare. When they temporarily broke apart, they were both panting heavily.
Then Liberty reached for his belt.
“Woah, what are you trying to do there?” He asked her with widened eyes. The look in Liberty’s eyes as she smiled was something he would have never expected to see from a girl like her before. She leaned in close to his ear.
“I’m in the mood for us to do a little more than our usual kisses,” she declared in a soft and sweet tone that gave him goosebumps, “What do you say, my love?”
She grabbed his hand and guided it underneath the skirt of her dress. Then she reached down and tugged at his belt again. There was a heated, demanding look in her eyes, and it was undeniable what she wanted.
Sean was in pure shock at what was going on. But he was happy to let it happen.
On Monday, Sean walked into school with a bounce in his step. He had been on a high since Saturday due to what he and his girlfriend did. He was still in shock too.
Liberty had been so chaste the last time they dated. They would make out but never anything further than that. Manny getting pregnant by Craig during their grade nine year had scared her, and honestly he at the time wasn’t looking for sex either. His relationship with Amy Peters-Hoffman had been almost purely sexual, he only dated the girl in the first place because he was mad that Emma wasn’t interested in giving him any and he wanted to spite her. With Liberty, he strived to be better…though there were some nights where a part of him did fantasize about them doing more. But he liked the virtuous way she carried herself. ‘The way she was using her hands on me wasn’t virtuous though,’ he thought to himself in amusement.
Liberty was at her locker when he saw her and immediately he approached her. “Hey, gorgeous,” he greeted with a smirk. When she smiled back, he pulled her into a quick kiss. “I had a great time Saturday, especially with how it ended,” he remarked. She bit her lower lip down in mischief. “I didn’t think we were gonna go that far.”
“I was feeling spicy,” she reasoned. He reached out and caressed one of her curls. He loved playing with her honey brown hair so much. Each curl was soft and pretty just like the rest of her.
“I can tell,” he quipped in amusement, “When did you become such a freak? You watched some porn while I was gone?”
Her nose crinkled in disgust. “Uh, no. Porn is a degrading industry that exploits women and other marginalized groups, Sean,” she replied harshly. She then softened up. “I just did some extensive research on the topic. Went on some websites, rented out some books from the library…”
“You dork,” he teased. Those were such typical things for her to do.
“It seemed to pay off for you, didn’t it?” She argued.
“It did. And I can tell that you enjoyed what I was doing with my fingers,” he replied, smirking again when delight crossed her face at the memory, “I want us to go further, Liberty, but only if you want to.”
“We can take small steps until I’m ready. What we did was technically sex. It was mutual hand stimulation,” she reasoned.
“It was foreplay. Nothing like making love,” he countered while cupping her soft face next, “When we make love, that’s gonna be a much different experience.”
When he was in Wasaga, even when he had sex with with other girls, it didn’t feel like love. They were just his poor attempts at moving on from Liberty. There had even been an awkward incident where he slept with a girl who he didn’t realize resembled Liberty until he accidentally called her Liberty during sex, which caused her to angrily put her clothes back on and leave. He unfortunately had been drunk off his ass at the time but he knew even back then what it meant.
Liberty was his soulmate and the love of his life. No other girl on this earth could ever be her no matter what they gave him.
She smiled sweetly. “I’ll be looking forward to it when I’m ready,” she declared before they kissed.
“Liberty!” They heard Principal Hatzilakos say, causing them to immediately break apart. The older woman walked right up to them.
“You wanted to discuss the Christmas carnival idea with me in my office, right?” She asked his girlfriend, whose face lit up in realization.
“Oh right,” Liberty replied as she began walking away with the principal. “Sean, can you shut my locker for me?” She asked him.
“I got ya, babe,” he assured her as he turned to look at her locker. Just when he was about to close it, something caught his eye. There was an open copybook on the top shelf and on the page, he spotted J.T.’s name on it. Out of morbid curiosity he picked up the book so he could get a closer look at it.
‘I progressed to oral sex with J.T. today,’ was what the full sentence read underneath the words “July 4th, 2008”.
Sean felt his brain short circuit in shock and at first he didn’t believe what he was reading. He read it over again five times. Then he read the rest that was on that page, words that Liberty wrote in very graphic, clinical detail of what she did with J.T. that day. And then there were even more words continuing onto the next page. He flipped through her copybook and read through all of her passages about J.T. It was apparent to him that this was her journal. A journal that was full of all the dirty things she liked doing with that idiot clown while they dated. He only stopped when he got to a passage where she talked about a “steamy” night with J.T. in her hot tub after the first day of their grade eleven year. He couldn’t take it anymore. Sean’s blood boiled, his veins popped, and his knuckles turned white as rage took over him to the point it was all consuming.
So this was why she seemed to know too well what she was doing with him in his car.
So this was what Liberty was doing with other guys while he was in Wasaga.
Sean’s rage got even worse during homeroom period. He wasn’t just angry at what he discovered, but he was also in pure disbelief.
Liberty. His sweet, goody two shoes Liberty, had given another guy handjobs and blowjobs on multiple occasions, and the other guy was J.T. fucking Yorke. J.T., who she told him she didn’t have a real serious relationship with and that’s why they only lasted seven months together. Obviously she fucking lied to him. When he tried to picture the two of them hooking up in his head, his stomach churned. It was making him sick. It was no wonder why J.T. was looking to get back together with Liberty too at the beginning of this school year. Liberty had done so much with him already, he was aiming to hit all of the bases this time. Him coming back from Wasaga and taking Liberty back for himself threw a wrench in those plans…but J.T. got sexual with her first. The guy who was her first ever crush that she pined after for three straight years before he came into the picture. Liberty in those passages had giddily described how excited she was to do all of those disgusting things with the clown after so long. How satisfied the clown was with her “performance” afterwards, and how satisfied she was with his.
In her old relationship with him, she had gotten nervous whenever he was on top of her for too long during their makeout sessions. She rarely allowed him to even kiss her on the neck. How could a person change so much within a year? Especially a girl like her? Liberty was supposed to be a saintly girl who cared more about books and studying than anything wild. It was why he compared her to a butter knife all those years ago. She was his precious, cutesy, wholesome nerd compared to trampy Amy. He would have never imagined that within two short years, she would end up more similar to Amy than he wanted her to be…
“Sean?” He heard her ask when homeroom was over and he headed out to French class in the hallways. He had refused to look at her doing the morning announcements on the tv screen like everyone else was. When she saw him, she must have noticed how pissed off he was. She grabbed him by the arm. “You look upset, what happened?” She asked in concern.
He turned to face her with a hard look. “When were you gonna tell me about all of the nasty shit you did with J.T.?” He answered harshly. She narrowed her eyes in confusion.
“What are you talking about?” She asked next.
“Your little journal in your locker with all of your stories about you and that clown? I read all of them,” he answered shamelessly. Her mouth dropped and her hazel eyes started flaring in anger.
“You read my journal?” She asked in indignation. He huffed at her attitude.
“I sure did and man, oh man, am I fucking pissed at you, girl,” he confirmed, shaking his head while chuckling bitterly, “I was in Wasaga, missing you every day and you were down here doing things with J.T. that you wouldn’t do with me. What the hell happened to you, Lib?”
She balled her fists up. “You were gone, Sean. You were the one who broke us up when you chose to stay in Wasaga with your parents instead of staying at Degrassi. Back then, I never thought I was ever going to see you again. Did you really think I was supposed to just wait until you came back and not have relationships with other guys? You don’t know what you’re saying,” she argued.
“I do know what I’m saying and here’s what I’m about to say next,” he began as he felt his body blaze in fury, “You’re not the girl I fell in love with. The Liberty I know had more respect for herself.”
She seemed taken aback by that. “What about who you hooked up while we weren’t together?” She asked him accusingly.
“That’s different,” he argued defiantly.
“How?”
“You’re supposed to be better than me,” he spat. He gave her one last dirty look before storming away.
He had never been disappointed in her before now.
Throughout the rest of the school day, Sean had refused to speak to his girlfriend or even look at her. Even thinking of her angered him…but she wasn’t the only person in this situation that he was lashing out at.
As soon as he saw him in the parking lot, Sean approached J.T. who was heading to his car with Toby following him. “J.T., let’s talk man to man,” he demanded with his fists balled up at his sides.
“About what?” The clown asked in confusion.
“Uh, take a wild guess with how angry he looks,” Toby replied.
“Liberty. You touched her,” Sean answered, feeling disgusted at saying the words out loud.
“Among other things,” J.T. admitted bluntly with a shrug, the act of which angered Sean even further, “What’s it to you? We were in a relationship and you weren’t around.”
Sean got up in his face. “You fucking snake. You were just waiting for the opportunity, weren’t you?” He snarled. “You never liked that I dated Liberty, that she fell for me because you were too much of a pussy to admit that you were into her all those years she crushed on her. You were hoping for me to get out of the picture so you could slide right in.”
“After you left, she made the moves on me, buddy. When we were in detention for the Raditch song, she kissed me. And I wasn’t going to pass her up that time. It’s not my fault that you took yourself out of the picture,” J.T. fired back with a sneer, “What? You’re pissed that we did things together? I never pressured her into doing anything, Sean, she was happy to do them. Excited, actually.”
Sean roughly shoved him into the side of his car. “I’m gonna skedaddle,” Toby declared nervously before scurrying off. J.T. looked appalled at his best friend leaving behind him like that but Toby must have known that an asswhooping was about to happen to the guy. From him.
“I don’t want to get into this with you, Sean. Do you think that’s what Liberty wants to see?” J.T. argued.
“I don’t give a fuck about what she wants to see. You changed her,” he argued back coldly as bloodlust became his strongest emotion at the moment. “For the worst.”
“She picked you over me, again. Aren’t you satisfied with that?” J.T. reminded him. Then a dark, mocking look crossed his face. “Or are you just mad that she picked me to be the first guy she showed her freaky side to over a dirtbag like you.”
“Well, I’m shocked she even wanted to touch that stack of dimes you got in your pants,” Sean countered viciously, thinking in disgust of the passages in Liberty’s journal where she described J.T.’s private parts. Or lack of, really.
The other guy’s nostrils flared up and he knew he hit his ultimate sore spot. “Shut up, man,” J.T. demanded.
“I’m just saying, it’s no wonder you guys didn’t last. There’s only so much a girl could do with a guy who’s the same size as a juice box.”
Sean was happy when J.T. decided to knock him upside his head next for saying that. Because now it was on. He grabbed the other guy by his head, slammed him into his car and punched him everywhere he could. J.T.’s hits were light and kept missing which benefited him. He needed to fuck J.T. up completely.
“Guys, what the hell?” They heard Manny exclaim and before Sean knew it, her and Emma were breaking up their fight. Emma shoved him right off of J.T.
“Why are you guys fighting?” Emma demanded to know. J.T. wiped some blood off his lip.
“Because Sean is a big ass baby, that’s why,” the clown jeered at him as Manny held him back. Sean wanted to strike him again but Emma was holding him back.
“You attacked him over Liberty’s journal, didn’t you?” Manny questioned him next while folding her arms in distaste. Emma’s lip curled in disapproval. “Sean, you were away for almost a year and a half when they dated. You shouldn’t have been reading her journal in the first place!”
“If I didn’t, she would have continued hiding what she did with him from me!” He answered angrily.
“So? You think she’s obligated to tell you everything that went on with J.T.? You guys haven’t even been back together for two whole months yet!” Emma argued. “You’re being immature, Sean!”
“Fuck J.T., fuck Liberty, fuck you guys, and fuck this school,” Sean snarled before storming away from them all.
“I think I’m gonna go back to Wasaga,” Sean declared bitterly to Jay later as they drank at a bar downtown. Sean had downed his shot of whiskey so quickly that his throat was still burning several minutes later.
“Why? All because your favorite nerd got down and dirty with one guy before you?” His best friend argued while shaking his head.
“That one guy is fucking J.T. I’m starting to think she’ll never stop liking that tool, even after everything she’s been through with me. What if I never came back and they got together?” He argued back.
“Then they would have gotten back together and there would have been nothing you could have done about that. But that’s not what’s happening now, right? She decided to get back together with you instead. Her feelings for you are obviously way more deeper than whatever she felt for J.T. So let it go and stop acting like a little bitch,” his best friend reasoned.
Sean struggled on if he should. Underneath all of his anger towards Liberty and J.T., admittedly there was also fear. He feared that in the end, Liberty was meant for J.T. after all. And that would break his spirit if it was true. He pulled out a wallet and took out a picture of him and Liberty, taken by Jay two years ago. It was from the birthday party she threw him when he turned seventeen during their grade ten year. Liberty was sitting on his lap while feeding him pieces of the chocolate cake she baked for him by scratch. She had a big, sweet smile on her face and he was smiling too even with cake in his mouth. The shooting happened three days after his birthday, but at that moment he had been so happy. He remembered that day being when he knew he was in love with her. His plans for her birthday if the shooting didn’t happen were grand because she would have deserved it. And she still deserved a grand birthday now. Before today’s events, he was gonna start planning a surprise birthday party for her in a few days.
That probably wasn’t gonna happen now after what he did.
“That girl loves you,” he heard Jay say to him next, in a softer, more gentler tone that he never heard from the guy before, “And you love her. So why throw it all away?”
When Sean looked up from the picture, realization came over him.
The sky was dark when Sean drove over to his girlfriend’s house. Before knocking on the front door, he braced himself.
When Liberty opened up the door, her eyes were red and her face was wet with tears. His heart was immediately broken at the sight. He hated seeing her cry, especially when it was his fault. She started scowling at him.
“What do you want, Sean? You’re here to shame me some more?” She accused.
“No, baby, I’m here to talk, to apologize, and get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness if it comes down to it. Just let me in, please,” he pleaded desperately.
She begrudgingly let him inside and shut the door behind them. “You hurt me, Sean, with everything you did today. You violated my privacy while reading my journal and then you verbally attacked me over an old relationship!” She snarled. “I’m not fourteen anymore, I’m almost seventeen, almost legally a woman. Do you really think I should have stayed a pure and virginal little girl for you forever?”
“No,” he affirmed while shaking his head, and then his own eyes started getting watery, “You’re allowed to change just like I did. Whatever you did in the past with J.T. has nothing to do with me and our relationship. But I’m just scared.”
His voice began to crack as he continued speaking. “You liked J.T. for three years before we started dating. I leave, and you date him next. You guys get hot and heavy, break up, and then I come back. But J.T. still has feelings for you. How can I hold a candle to the history between you two?”
“Because my relationship with J.T. is just that: history,” she argued. She pursed her lips at him for a moment before going over to her backpack. She pulled out a ripped out page from her journal and handed it over to him. “I guess you didn’t see this one,” she said next flatly while giving him a disappointed, hard stare.
He took the page and read it. The passage was dated September twenty-eighth, two thousand and eight.
"I broke up with J.T. today at school after last night. He protested but I put my foot down. Him wanting us to go all the way with a king-sized condom was the straw that broke the camel’s back. As fun as it was to date my first crush, I can’t keep moving past how immature he is! I thought that over time he would start maturing but mentally he’s the same boy he was at twelve…even as we’re experimenting. I can’t take it anymore. Perhaps it was a great mistake on my part to have such high standards for him in the first place. From sixth grade, I liked J.T. Yorke because he could make me laugh and he was everything I wasn’t raised to be…but what else is there to him? He didn’t even want to date me until our grade ten year even though he liked me all along…
….But there’s another reason why I can’t lose my full virginity to him.
Him. I have tried to forget him but every time I’m with J.T., I think of him. When J.T. kisses me, I think of him. Even through each time J.T. touched and kissed me intimately, I think of him and what we could have had if he didn’t leave. I hate that for myself because he’s gone and he’s never coming back. I’m supposed to be moving on from him and accept reality. Our relationship is just memories now, leaves in the wind.
But it’s the only love I’ve known. J.T. was supposed to be for me all along but when I look at his brown hair, I see golden brown hair with blonde highlights. When I look into his brown eyes, I see blue-green eyes like the sea. When he holds me, I feel the ghost of strong, hard arms around me instead of his own. Being with him was the sweetest life has ever given me. Being with J.T. has only been emptiness underneath all the fun. Through the past seven months, I’ve been deluding myself into thinking that what I have with J.T. could be better than what I had with him. So it’s for the best that I end things between us now because of that before I let things progress to a point we can’t come back from. J.T. was my first crush but he is my first love, my real love.
It is a tragic reality I’m in. Because as much as I love him and think about him every day, he’s never coming back."
The emotions Sean felt after he finished reading were overwhelming. Liberty had never stopped loving him this whole time, even while she was with J.T. and that played a role in the downfall of their relationship. Just as he missed her in Wasaga, she missed him. They were truly meant for no one but each other.
“I love you, Sean Cameron,” Liberty proclaimed to him softly, “But if we’re going to be together after this, you need to let go of my past and accept what I am now and what I’ll be in the future. Love me for me. No more putting me on a pedestal. Can you do that?”
He looked up at her. And then he pulled her into a hard, passionate kiss. They were both panting when they broke apart.
“Liberty Van Zandt, I love you too. And nothing can ever change that,” he proclaimed back as they tearfully embraced next.
He knew that for sure in his heart now.