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Dear Red, and Donnic too I guess, as this will involve you,
First off I know you are probably wondering why I haven't been in contact. Though I'm sure you know all about the fact that I was impressed upon to pay a visit to the Divine. I'm sure you've also heard all about how that didn't happen. It feels like everyday since I've been ass deep in demons and red templars. No not like that.
So I'm sure you will be most surprised to find that I am writing you to invite you and Donnic to my upcoming nuptials. Yes you did read that right. Me, Varric Tethras, desired dwarf all around, has decided to break hearts from the cursed deep roads to the Avaar town on top of a mountain and settle down. I do have to say Red that I'm sure you are living up to your moniker and are probably turning more red while you are reading this. . . Yes, you are. You just turned to Donnic to shout that you are not.
Let me relieve one point of your anger, it's not to Bianca. So now you just get to be upset that I have not been the most diligent friend in letting you know that I am indeed still alive but also that you didn't get to watch me fumble through my poor attempts of dating and proposal like we all in Kirkwall had to watch with you and Donny. And to be a bit humble, I really did fumble. If word of the scene we caused at the Orlesian Winter Palace hasn't reached you, it will soon. But if you wish to hear it from the jackass's mouth, you know where to find me.
Oh and here comes the biggest shock, or second biggest maybe, my intended is none other than Cassandra Pentaghast, yes, the Seeker, yes also the one who dragged me to the ass end of Thedas. Seeker Pentaghast would be honored to meet you. She is a big fan. It would actually help me a lot if you would come and say hello to her, at this point I fear I am willing to beg you to come meet her, please don't make me. I know she has been Right Hand to two Divines but she just thinks the world of you, Aveline. You're nice too Donnic. She would probably love to hear how you two met and how you fell in love. Because of her, and her alone, I am continuing the romance serial.
Sincerely,
Varric Tethras
P.S. She may seriously freak out if you show up and ask you for an interview. You are her favorite in the books that are definitely not written about you.