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Charles walked through the bar looking for his race engineer. Bryan had been near Alex and him for most of the night, but had disappeared a while ago. The driver had been worried since he had noticed his absence and it had gotten worse when Alex had urged him to go find the other man. So Charles walked through the large amount of people, trying to find someone that was wearing a dark shirt in a darkish room.
He decided to walk away from the center of the room and lounge the wall, hoping that Bryan had just needed a moment away from the noise. And, with a bit of luck, he wouldn't be disturbed, even though his white suit made it difficult to not notice him. After a few minutes, his decision was proven right as he saw his engineer leaning on a wall in a corner, hands in the front pockets of his jeans. Charles moved to join him.
“Hey!”, Bryan greeted him when he saw Charles approaching, a small smile on his face.
The driver returned the smile as he leaned on the wall beside his engineer.
“Hey you! I was looking for you.”
“You were?”
His brows furrowed at the surprised tone in Bryan’s voice. Charles’ hand found its way around the other’s wrist, squeezing it lightly.
“You disappeared on us, of course I was going to notice”, Charles chided softly. “Alex saw me looking. She said she saw you walk away and to go find you. She was adamant that I needed to be the one to find you.”
“She is one amazing lady”, Bryan said with a soft smile, bashful.
“Yeah, she is.”
Bryan let the conversation die, the silence falling around them as they watched the people partying. Charles wondered about that comment, feeling like Bryan and Alex were having a conversation through him that he didn’t quite understand yet. He looked at his engineer from the corner of his eyes, noticing a certain negative energy coming out of him that hadn’t been there earlier today.
“Are you ok?”, the monegasque asked in a worried tone. “The last time I saw you, you were happily talking with Callum, not brooding in a corner.”
“It’s a good thing Cal came. Otherwise, Alex and you would have been stuck keeping me company all night long”, the older man said, purposely ignoring the question.
“We wouldn’t have minded. I asked you to come with us after all.”
“I know, but you are…”, Bryan stopped himself, trying to find the right words. “People want to talk to you, to both of you. They want your attention, which is… normal and deserved. I am just your engineer, I would have been in the way.”
Bryan shrugged while his driver tried to reign in his anger. Charles wanted to hurt any person, in the team, the media or the fans, that had made his engineer feel like he didn’t matter, like he wasn’t interresting. The reason why didn’t matter, no one had the right to make Bryan feel small. Now he understood Alex's insistence, she must have sensed the other man’s insecurities making an appearance.
His race engineer wasn’t often insecure, especially not in regards to his job and his place in Charles’ life. The three of them, Bryan, himself and Alex, have an understanding after all. However, the season had been long and difficult and Bryan had to deal with a lot. The Formula 1 world hadn’t been kind towards the engineer. Charles himself hadn’t always been kind either. It had taken a toll on Bryan even if he had tried his hardest to not let it show during the last leg of the season.
The other man hissed softly in pain, cutting through Charles’ anger. He had tightened his hold on Bryan’s wrist without meaning to. The driver loosened his grip, thumb gently stroking the other’s pulse point in apology.
“You aren’t just an engineer, Bryan”, Charles countened, soft and firm, leaning in to catch his brown eyes. “You are important to me, ok?”
Bryan had the time to nod once before a loud noise made them both jump. They turned around to see that the shout had come from the crown around Lando.
“Well, the world champ is enjoying his night”, Bryan said drily.
“That he is”, Charles approved with a laugh. “One day, it will be us.”
“I sure hope so.”
Charles smiled, fond and bitter. He could hear the loss of confidence in Bryan’s voice and how the difficult season had impacted his belief in them winning. The other man had still pushed, still given everything he had and more. He had stayed positive and motivated, believed in Charles until the end and the driver knew he would continue to do so. However, Charles also knew how much the car failing them had burned down his engineer. He had seen how much this year had shaken not just his, but also Bryan’s faith in Ferrari. They believed in their abilities and in each other, but this year had made them question if they will one day even have the chance to fight.
“I wonder how many people from his team came tonight”, the driver said, eager to change the subject.
“I don’t know. I suppose his garage people came, but I didn’t check.”
Charles could feel Bryan’s eyes studying him as the other man turned towards him.
“You know I would come to yours, regardless of which team you win the title with”, Bryan stated.
That startled Charles, they didn’t talk about the rumors. It had always been a silent agreement between them, Bryan never questioning if Charles was really thinking of leaving or not. The driver had been sure that the engineer just knew.
“Bryan, I am not leaving Ferrari.”
And if I do leave, I am not leaving without you, Charles thought.
“That’s not what I am saying”, Bryan argued. “I know you don’t want to leave, but we don’t know what to expect next year. We don’t know who will be on top. You might find yourself having to make tough decisions. And if that’s the case, then any decision you make has to be yours and yours alone.”
Bryan raised his left arm and placed his hand on Charles’ chest, over his heart.
“It has to be yours and done in your best interest”, the engineer stated. “Not the team’s, not even your closest entourage’s or mine’s, but your best interest. What you want, what you need to do to show how exceptional you are, are the only things that should matter. Those are the only things that need to matter. Can you promise me that?”
Charles looked at Bryan, eyes wide and heart full of gratitude. He wanted to argue, to state that there was no world where he would abandon the Scuderia. That there was no world in which his desires weren’t compatible with Bryan’s, but he understood. He couldn’t say never, not anymore.
Bryan and him were, first and foremost, each other’s biggest fan. This was Bryan stating that regardless of what happened next, if Charles believed Ferrari couldn’t give him what he needed, then he had to follow his path, his heart. And that, if, for any reason, Bryan couldn’t follow, he would still cheer him on. That Bryan was his unconditionally.
Charles looked sideways around them, making sure that there were no cameras around before answering. He had seen the one filming them earlier in the night, but he hadn’t cared then. He had actually liked the idea of reminding the world how close Bryan and him were.
He knew that Bryan wouldn’t mind that scene of Charles leaning on him being made public. Neither would Alex. Those two might even search social media later to find how everyone was reacting to that video and laugh about it.
However, this? This was different. This was for Bryan alone. So, after making sure no one was watching them, he took the hand on his heart and brought it to his lips, kissing the back of it.
“I will bello”, Charles promised, solemnly. “Thank you Bryan.”
He dropped the hand before moving his other arm to drape it around Bryan’s shoulders, bringing him in a half hug. Bryan moved his right arm around Charles’ waist, gently squeezing it.
“You are amazing too, in your own rights”, the driver stated. “I am lucky to have both of you in my life.”
“I am the lucky one”, Bryan countered in a quiet tone.
Charles laughed, his breath ruffling Bryan’s normally perfectly combed hair. The engineer softly giggled at the movement making Charles smile.
“I think we could argue for a long time about who is the luckiest one, Bryan”, the driver teased gently as he squeezed the other man closer.
Bryan hummed in answer, clearly enjoying the embrace.
“Agree that we are both lucky then?”, he asked after a minute.
“Agreed”, Charles said, fondly.
He released his engineer, but was quite happy to see the other man stay as close as would be acceptable for them. As happy as he was that the season was over, he would miss Bryan. He would miss the easy camaraderie they had with one another. Or, Charles thought, an idea making its way in his mind, maybe he didn’t need to forgo it until the pre-season.
“We should meet up during the break”, the driver proposed.
“With the rest?”, Bryan asked.
“No. Maybe Alex if we can rope her in, but otherwise, just you and I.”
Charles quickly shot down the idea of having other people, even if they were his friends, be part of the plan. He hadn’t realised how much he earned to have Bryan totally for himself outside of the paddock, outside of Ferrari, until he thought about it.
“That would be nice”, the engineer mused, a shy smile on his face. “Maybe when you come back from vacation”
“Yeah, I will text you when I am back.”
Charles cheered in his mind. He hadn’t expected Bryan to refuse, but he knew how much the other man cherished the little time he had with his family. He was also relieved to see Bryan back to his normal self. He knew that it didn’t mean they had made his engineer's doubts disappear, but they rendered them silent for now. For the rest, it would take time and hopefully the winter break will help. Hopefully, the break will be good for both of them and they will come back stronger.