Work Text:
Karkat’s job was a dangerous one.
Every day he braved it.
Karkat risked his life, and the life of everyone around him, for this job.
He knew his trade.
He knew his lines.
He knew how to force the machine to accept an expired coupon without calling over his good-for-nothing manager.
He knew that even though he didn’t have his own name tag yet, he could take other people’s and assume their identity.
All the better, because that way people didn’t know his real name.
Karkat was-
a cashier.
And he hated it.
Karkat though, was a poor college student who desperately needed the money and had recently gotten fired from a previous job.
Apparently you weren't allowed to inform people how fucking fat they were and how much more fucking fat the food they were buying from this good-for-nothing rotten rip-off-of-a restaurant would make them.
This was how Karkat lost his job at McDonald’s.
His roommate, John, had laughed at him, but had offered to help Karkat find a new job when said boy threatened to claw his eyes out and tear him limb from limb and make him watch if he didn’t shut up. (“Haha, I don’t think it works like that Karkat!” ”John, for the love of fuck shut your seedflap!”)
Thus, Walmart.
Save money, live better.
What a load of-
“Hi, did you find everything you were looking for today?”
He didn’t bother looking at the customer, personally the people at Walmart freaked him out, he’d seen the forwards floating around the internet (more like John had felt the need to educate him on what he’d be dealing with at his new job, but he rests his case).
“That’s great.” Karkat said, without actually listening to the response, “Your total is 13.50.” He took the wad of cash (a fifty? really?) and returned the change. “Thanks. Have a nice day.”
The person moved on.
The next person was crying. Karkat thinks it might've a woman, but after about an hour, people all look about the same.
“Did you find everything you were looking for today?”
She gave some muddled, watery response.
“That’s great. Your total is 20.58, thanks. Have a nice day.”
And so it continued.
He’s pretty sure at one point a person with blue skin went through his line, but then again, he wasn’t really paying attention.
“Did you find everything you were looking for today?”
“Kar? You w-work at W-walmart?”
Karkat froze, and refused to look up. He’d know that stupid hipster drawl anywhere.
“Your total comes to 5.87.” Karkat said, voice much colder and much less like the board drone he usually had.
“Kar.” The smug voice said, “If you needed a job, you could hav-ve just asked me.”
“Cool.” Karkat bit, “When I decide I want to become a fucking hipster tool and sell my body to old creeps, you’ll be the first to know. Your total is 5.87.”
Eridan’s face tightened, “Kar, I don’t-”
“You total, is five eighty seven.”
Eridan flung a ten at Karkat’s face (which fluttered haplessly to the counter) and stormed off.
He had to return a few minutes later to retrieve his items (what did he want with fish food?) at which Karkat smartly said “Forgot your stuff.”
Eridan merely glared at you and stormed off again.
It was pretty bland after that for a while.
Until he showed up.
"Did you find everything you were looking for today?"
"Almost. Everything except your number."
Karkat stole a glance at his customer. Blonde. With large, stupid, sunglasses. Hipster. Was everyone a hipster these days?
".... That's great. Your total is 1.38." Freak only bought a candy bar.
The hipster stared at Karkat for a moment before shrugging. "Your loss," he murmured, and pulled out a credit card (to pay for a candy bar, swiped it, and signed his name. D scribble S scribble. Figures.
"Have a nice day." Karkat said, trying to figure out if his voice had the proper amount of sarcasm.
The blonde moved on. Whatever.
And so went his day.
“Hi. Did you find everything you were looking for?”
“Yeah, I found you.”
Karkat glanced up.
It was the blonde hipster. Again.
“That’s,” Karkat nearly faltered, “great. Your total comes to 1.38.” It was a candy bar, again.
The blonde’s lips tightened, but he swiped his card.
D~ S~, and he was gone.
Freak.
“Did you find everything you were looking for today?”
“Yeah, and now so have you.” Karkat didn’t even bother looking up, “Me.”
“Great. Your total is 1.38.”
He paid with a five this time.
“Your change comes to 3.62.”
“You can keep the change,” the hipster leaned forward enough so that Karkat had to take a step back as he held out the money and receipt. “If I can keep you.”
“... Your change comes to 3.62.” Karkat said again. The blonde frowned but took the money.
The day continued like this, and Karkat was about to throttle someone. If that fucking hipster didn’t fucking lay off then- then- then Karkat didn’t know what, but he would do something drastic.
It was him again.
“Hi.” Karkat grit through clenched teeth, “Did you find everything you were-”
The blonde cut him off.
"I have been through this fucking line, thirty times, spent over forty dollars on a candy bar that I don’t even like, and you won't even give me the time of day. I am Dave Fucking Strider. I don't get ignored. I do the ignoring. Me and ignoring people are so tight you don't even know. We hang out in our underwear on weekends, watching fucking Housewives. Ignoring people will be the best man at my wedding. I am telling you. And I’m pretty fucking sure your name isn't 'Tiff', so just, would you- agh"
Then he kissed Karkat.
Right there.
On the mouth.
He reached forward and gripped the front of Karkat’s work shirt and pulled him forward, and before Karkat could even get angry for the freak wrinkling his shirt (oh how his priorities had sunk) their lips were attached like a pair of Jade’s fucking squiddles and all Karkat could think was hell fucking yes.
And also, what. the. fuck.
When the blonde pulled away he licked at his lips, smirking, and stared down at Karkat. Karkat was aware of the many eyes on him, as well as he was aware of the shade of red his face had taken on.
"Uhh, Karkat." He managed.
The blonde just stared, "What the fuck?"
"My name asshat." Karkat bit, but didn’t feel the normal burn of anger behind his words, “It’s Karkat.”
Dave Fucking Strider just chuckled, and Karkat felt like he had to redeem his name, because not everyone could have a name as normal as Dave-
but then they were kissing again and Karkat didn’t really care anymore.
And he thought that maybe, just maybe this job wasn't so bad afterall