Archive of Our Own ^beta

Secret number one: Joko was really pretty.

Joko didn’t know that Travis had seen his face, but he had, just once. That first night in the motel room with the bathroom door that didn’t close properly, Travis had watched him from the bed. He hadn’t meant to see it. Not at first.

But when Joko hunched over the sink, removing his mask to let the tears flow freely, Travis found it impossible to look away. What he could see from his awkward position on the bed, eyes half closed and staring at the bathroom mirror, was magnetic. Round face and small, sharp eyes. Blonde hair with pink streaks plastered against skin as he splashed water over his face. Chapped lips. Travis tracked them as they opened and closed, over and over, trying to muffle gasping sobs.

He looked sad, and empty. Sad and empty, but still pretty.

Joko was a nice person. He had been so careful with Travis, so patient. He had helped Travis with his leg, had insisted they stick together even after they had made it back into the city. When Travis broke down halfway to the motel, Joko had pulled him into an alleyway and rubbed circles on his back until he calmed down.

Joko had been so upset with Techno. Travis still couldn’t understand why he’d been left behind. It wasn’t like Techno to do that. Had Travis been reading him wrong? They’d only known each other for a few days…

He had known Joko for less than one, and already he felt like he knew more about him than he had known about Techno. Than he had known about Cooper.

It would be nice if he could comfort Joko. He remembered crying during his first few camping trips with his fellow Scouts, afraid to camp in the wilderness without his parents. Some of the older Scouts had let him sleep in their tent, promising it would get easier with practice. As he grew older, he started to do the same for the younger Scouts. He would hold kids as young as nine, letting them cry into his shoulder. It was the least he could do, when the world was so scary and they were just learning to do things for themselves.

Joko wouldn’t appreciate it. There was a reason why he chose to go to the bathroom to cry instead of staying in bed. He didn’t trust Travis. Earlier that night, Joko had asked to handle Travis’ phone for him. Travis had agreed, not wanting to disagree with Joko but also understanding the reasoning. Travis might try to betray Joko, if he didn’t keep an eye on him. Techno might try to contact him. Travis wasn’t quite sure what he wanted out of this game, but he knew he didn’t want that. Not yet.

So Travis had handed over the phone without a fight. It left him feeling uneasy, but he would be fine. Boy Scouts left him with tracking skills good enough to get them through the game. Joko would protect him.

It couldn’t have been less than a half hour when Joko finally came back to bed. The tap turned off. The mask went back on. Travis did his best to memorize his facial features in the moment before they disappeared again. Then, he shut his eyes, refusing to stir even when the mattress dipped from Joko’s weight.

Travis gave it five minutes. When he opened his eyes again, Joko was laying down with his back to his bedmate. He hadn’t bothered to get under the covers.

Sad, empty, and pretty. But nice.

It was okay that Joko didn’t trust him yet. He wouldn’t betray him. No one but Travis had to know what Number 13 looked like.

—

Secret number two: Travis had been watching when 4 killed Sparkelz.

Travis hadn’t expected things to escalate as quickly as they did. It felt like he had been crouching in the foliage for hours, staying out of sight per Joko’s instructions.

Joko was sweet to Travis. Protective. Techno and Cooper had been the same (he had to avoid thinking about it), but Joko took it to a new level. He had asked Travis to give him his phone so that he wouldn’t have to see the missed calls from the person who betrayed him. He told Travis not to look at the wound on his leg as he treated it. Stay put Travis, look away if things get ugly, it’ll be over soon.

This time, Travis found himself disobeying. It was the first time he’d really looked without instinctively blocking it out. 4 had the larger weapon, but it was Joko who held Travis’ attention. The way he moved was mesmerizing. His movements were quick and controlled, but he struck hard, dancing a vicious rhythm around Sparkelz and- Ant? Yeah, that was it. It was hard to keep track of which faces belonged to which numbers belonged to which names.

‘You have a gun you can use.’ The second Travis remembered, Joko did as well, pulling the firearm from its holster in one smooth, practiced motion. BANG. Joko missed, having to dodge a hit from Ant while firing. Travis heard Joko swear as he tried to fire off a second bullet, only to be met with an empty barrel.

4 took over for Joko while he doubled back, reaching for and reloading with more bullets. Travis’ eyes followed Joko rather than 4. He fumbled with the bullets at first, but recovered quickly. Travis tried to layer his real face over the movements he was seeing now. He imagined how chapped lips might purse together in frustration, how sharp eyes might squint in concentration.

BANG. That time, Joko hit his target. Sparkelz doubled over, screaming in pain from the shot to the abdomen.

‘He could have finished it if he went for the head or the heart,’ Travis realized. ‘The abdomen will disarm him but it won’t kill him immediately. He can recover if he gets away.’

In any other situation, the action would have been devastating. In a game of life or death, it came off to Travis as being somewhat considerate.

More minutes that felt like hours passed. Even before Ant had fled, before 4 had knocked Sparkelz unconscious, it was clear which side would win.

And then 4 bashed Sparkelz’ head in.

All the air left Travis’ lungs. He felt frozen in time, even as the guitar came down on the victim’s head, over and over and over again. Spurts of blood arced through the air, splattering 4 and Joko until Joko moved out of range. There was a rhythmic cracking noise. Travis knew, instinctively, that it had to be bone, but he’d never heard it before. He’d never heard someone’s skull cave in.

In the blink of an eye, it was over. Time had resumed its normal pace. 4 straightened up, head thrown back, panting with exertion. Joko was more composed, but even he was catching his breath.

“Hey, first kill. Congrats.” Joko smacked 4 on the back. “Didn’t know you had it in you.”

Travis’ stomach was tying itself into knots.

“I didn’t- either-” 4 gasped for air. “Should we go after Ant?”

“No point. He doesn’t have Sparkelz, so he’s basically dead in the water. And besides, I have someone I want you to meet.”

Travis was that someone. He was part of the scene. He closed his eyes and covered his ears as Joko made his way over to the hiding spot. Joko didn’t have to know that Travis had been watching. He might be upset that Travis had disobeyed a direct order. Or- or he might not want Travis to think less of him for what he and 4 did.

Travis didn’t think less of him. Still trying to sort out how he was feeling, yes, but his opinion of Joko hadn’t changed.

Gentle, calloused hands pried his away from the top of his head. Travis relished in the contact. When he opened his eyes, Joko was crouching down in front of him, faint trace of a gaze searching him through the mask’s eyeholes.

“It’s over now, Travis. You can come out.” His voice was so soothing…

Travis nodded, not trusting his own voice. Joko helped him to his feet, dusting pine needles off them both.

There was a streak of Sparkelz’ blood on the corner of Joko’s mask. Travis decided not to point it out.

“How much did you see or hear?”

“Um-” Travis tried to pull himself together. It was easier with Joko touching him. “I- heard your conversation with 4, and then… um, the other two showed up. So I stayed in the same place. I didn’t look or listen.”

Joko nodded, buying the lie.

“We’re going to join 4’s alliance. It’s still you and me, don’t worry,” Joko reassured upon noticing Travis’ tense expression, “but we need allies. 4 can help us get to Technoblade.”

His voice dropped to a low whisper. “We can get rid of Number 4 later. For now we play along. Okay?”

Travis tried not to tense up further at the mention of Techno. The bounty was a loaded gun, aimed at him and Joko during every interaction they had. Travis understood the logic behind pursuing it, was thankful that Joko would go to such lengths to free him from the game, but…

“Okay,” he said, because he’d been silent for too long. “I’m- I’m okay with that.”

Joko nodded. “Good. It’ll be worth it, I promise.”

Then, he slung his arm around Travis, turning him around to face Player 4. He’d been standing a few meters away, just out of earshot. Travis didn’t like the way he looked over them, like he was trying to figure something out.

“This is my friend Travis,” Joko introduced, walking him over. “If we’re doing this alliance, he’s included. Otherwise the deal’s off.”

Friend. My friend Travis.

4 looked a bit displeased, but nodded anyway. “Sure. That’s fi-”

“And." Joko straightened up, the hand not touching Travis shoved into his pocket casually. “You help me kill Technoblade.”

‘Have faith. Have faith in Joko,’ Travis thought.

4 raised an eyebrow. “Or the deal’s off?”

“Yep.”

4 looked back and forth between the two of them, eyes catching on Joko’s arm around Travis’ shoulder.

“...Alright. Nice to meet you Travis.”

“Nice to meet you.” Travis put on his most convincing smile.

He had to trust Joko. Sweet, considerate, pretty Joko. Joko, who allied himself with people like 4. Joko, who shot a man in the abdomen when he could have gone straight for the head. Joko, who told Travis to look away, who touched him so carefully when he was in a panic.

Joko could be scary too. But if Travis didn’t trust Joko, then who did he have? Cooper was dead. Techno had abandoned him. He had watched 4 bash a man’s head in, more times than had been necessary to kill him.

It was Joko who had mesmerized him.

He didn’t need to know that.

—

Secret number three: Joko had less control over Travis than he thought he did.

Joko’s mask protected him from other players, but it didn’t stand a chance against weeks of being teamed with Travis. Now that they were a group of five instead of a group of three, instead of just Joko and Travis, Joko’s little habits had only become more visible with time.

When Joko didn’t like someone, he manually relaxed his posture to give them the opposite impression. If Joko was trying to be subtle about keeping Travis close to him, it meant 4 had accidentally entered Travis’ personal bubble. If one of their phones buzzed and Joko didn’t react, it meant it had been Travis’ that’d gone off. He readjusted his mask any time he started a conversation, he never ate when there were eyes on him, he curled up in a ball in his sleep - Travis could go on and on and on.

He treated Travis a lot differently to how he treated their allies.

For one thing, he gave in to Travis’ requests a lot faster. Travis tried not to take the kindness for granted, but he’d learned that he could get a lot out of his teammate if he was distressed enough. Or if he put on the puppy eyes. For whatever reason, Travis was the favorite. Schlatt, Connor and Player 4 (Travis still couldn’t remember his name-) were all nice enough to Travis, but Joko was constantly put out by their presence. Travis knew Joko was waiting for the moment when they’d all part ways, but how they’d part ways, Travis wasn’t sure. Still, he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in its very giving mouth.

The other shoe dropped sooner than Travis expected it to, on that evening under the bridge.

None of them had been expecting an ambush - as small of an ambush as it was. They’d known Techno and Player 2 were traveling together, thanks to the group comparing texts, but they’d expected Techno to show himself first. At least, that’s what Joko had told the others would happen. Travis hadn’t been so sure. None of them knew enough about 2 to properly predict his minute-to-minute actions.

It had been silent under the bridge. Normally, you could expect to see Schlatt and Connor huddled together, talking under their breath. But Connor had been MIA since that morning, and Schlatt claimed he didn’t know where he was.

Joko was quietly scanning the surrounding area, and 4 was watching Joko. Travis was trying not to do the same, but he couldn’t help it. They were getting ready to kill two people. In moments of nauseating fear and anxiety, finding reassurance in Joko was second nature to Travis.

Travis would have liked to say that he handled it well when 2 came running out from behind a column, screaming bloody murder. In reality, he nearly jumped five feet in the air. Without thinking, he stepped behind Joko as he and their allies sprang into action.

Within milliseconds, 2 had Joko’s gun trained on him, in the perfect position for a shot to the head.

With Joko’s gun as a safety net, Travis felt himself calming down. He was still on high alert, muscles tensed in case he needed to defend himself, but it became easier to pretend. Joko had drilled a lesson into his head hours before this moment: look calm, be calm. Don’t give the enemy anything to work with. Don’t give in to your weakness. Travis was planning on following Joko’s instructions to the letter.

2 fired off a few bullets, but he was a terrible shot, and missed Joko by meters each time. Joko didn’t have time to use his own gun in retaliation before Schlatt and 4 were on 2 like attack dogs, disarming him of his weapon and pinning him to the ground.

Travis winced as 2 thrashed, still spitting curses. The victim of his verbal assault didn’t lower his gun.

“Look, there’s no point to dragging this out,” Joko said evenly. “Where’s Technoblade?”

“He was with me just a minute ago,” 2 bared his teeth in an almost-smile. “What, you’re going to kill him too? Need to keep your masochist streak going? You realize he’s going to fuck you up, right?”

At the mention of killing Techno, a fresh wave of fear washed over Travis. The plan had already been made, they were already in position, and yet-

Travis wasn’t ready. He needed to say something.

“Joko.” Travis gripped the sleeve of his gray hoodie. “I’m thinking, maybe we don’t need to kill Techno, he’s not even here, maybe we can just go for this guy-”

“Travis.”

He shut his mouth so suddenly he felt his jaw click. Slowly, Joko turned to face him, gun still trained on their victim.

“It’s normal to have doubts,” Joko’s voice was slow and sweet. Even as Travis became flustered by his tone, it felt off. Too controlled. The way Joko’s body was relaxed wasn’t natural.

Joko continued: “But you need to trust me. We’ll figure out a way to work around Techno, okay? It’s like you said, we’re focusing on 2 right now.”

He turned back to 2. “As far as players go, you’re practically bottom of the barrel. We don’t need to kill you right now. So let’s make a deal. You tell us exactly where Technoblade is, and we let you go-”

“I’m right here.”

Five sets of eyes snapped to the new arrival.

Travis blurted it out before he could control himself: “Techno-!”

He’d replayed this moment in his head more times than he could count. He’d imagined what it would be like to see Techno again. He’d entertained the thought of yelling at him, or running into his arms, depending on the occasion. He’d tried to predict how Techno would react too. Would he apologize for leaving Travis behind? Or would he discard him all over again?

All the time in the world to prepare himself wouldn’t have made a difference. It wasn’t like seeing an old friend.

It was like looking at a corpse. A corpse who was looking at Travis with concern, like something hadn’t died in that hospital.

Every time Techno’s eyes moved to Joko, or 2, his face tightened with grim determination. He looked at Travis differently.

Travis took another step further out of sight, hiding behind Joko’s back.

“Well well well!” Travis just knew Joko was grinning. “Isn’t this a surprise! Pleasure to finally talk to you face-to-face, Technoblade. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Says the coward with the mask. Face-to-face? You have no right to call this that.” Technoblade took a step forward, eyes still darting between Joko and Travis. “What have you done to Travis?!”

What did he mean, what had Joko done to him? It had been Joko who’d rescued him from a burning building. Joko was dangerous - Travis had seen it with his own two eyes - but never to Travis. He was so sweet with him, so patient. Even when Travis knew he was annoyed with him, he treated him like he was something precious. He told him to look away.

Joko laughed. “What have I done to him? I protected him! You’re welcome for that, by the way. It’s pathetic that someone else had to step in to do the job for you.”

“Yeah, and what have you done that I haven’t? Taken away his phone?” Techno nodded at Travis. “I’m sure being a manipulative partner is helping him so much.”

Techno didn’t understand. Joko was looking out for the two of them. It was true that Travis had handed his life over to Joko when he’d given him his phone, but it hadn’t backfired yet, had it? Joko and Travis were both still alive. It was okay. Travis understood the logic behind the decision.

If he didn’t want Joko to have his phone, he could take it back, at any time.

“Don’t even start,” Joko scoffed. “I’m protecting him from people like you! I saved him! Did it feel good, leaving him behind in a burning building with no allies?! Face it, Techno. You fucked up. Travis deserves better than you.”

Those words were everything Travis had ever hoped for. To hear someone stand up for him. To have Joko tell the world that it was about him. Not Techno, not 4, not Schlatt or Connor. Him.

If he wasn’t so sad for Techno, despite everything he’d done, Travis would have been giddy with delight.

Techno didn’t have an argument left in him.

Instead, shit hit the fan every other way.

Caught up in his own emotions, Travis barely kept track of what happened next; letting 2 go, 4 shooting him clean through the heart - Travis should have expected it but it still startled him - Techno’s aborted attempt at an attack, the zipline-

-he watched Techno leave with Schlatt and Connor, gone too quick for Travis to say something. Would he have said anything if he’d had the time?

Struggling to keep up with how the situation had deteriorated, he could barely formulate words to Joko.

“...What do we do now…?”

“Travis.”

Joko placed a warm hand on his shoulder. They were close enough for Travis to make out his eyes through the holes in his mask. Joko was looking right at him.

“What would have happened to you if I hadn’t found you at the hospital?”

Clarity returned to Travis. “...I’d be dead.”

They were so close. Joko’s gaze threatened to carve right through him.

“...I knew you were going to die that night. I knew you needed me. You still need me.”

Everything he was saying was true. Travis nodded. “Thank you, Joko.”

“There’s no need to thank me,” he was almost whispering, “I promised you, yeah? That we’d both get out of this alive. That you’d be freed from this game.”

“You promised.”

“And I’m going to keep it. Okay?” Something raw, and sad, and genuine swirled in Joko’s eyes. “I’m going to keep our promise.”

In the blink of an eye, Joko shifted back into something more casual, turning to address their only remaining ally with forced levity.

“Welp, that went about how I expected it to. No more plan means no more alliance. The deal’s off.”

4 scrambled to his feet- “Wait, what-”

“Don’t look, Travis. It’ll be okay.”

“Wait-!”

Joko had given him enough time to shut his eyes. To block out the sight of his friend committing a murder.

Instead of following orders, Travis decided to watch.

He pretended, by peeking through his fingers, but he saw it all, clear as day. The gunshot rang in his ears. The target was 4’s forehead - Joko had hit it head on.

It was hard to make sense of what he was seeing. Calling it ‘blowing his brains out’ wasn’t an exaggeration. In the aftermath, Travis would have trouble remembering exact details. In the moment, however, he committed everything to memory. The way it looked. The way it sounded. The way it smelled.

The way Joko effortlessly absorbed the recoil of the shot. The clean, effective brutality of his method. The control and elegance visible in his lean frame, even when his hoodie swallowed his torso.

It could have been shock, but in that moment, Travis was at peace. The kill was beautiful. Joko was beautiful. Everything about the scene was beautiful.

As Joko turned around again, no doubt to comfort him, Travis closed the gap between his fingers and pretended like he hadn’t just witnessed it all. Like he hadn’t just had his life flipped on its head.

Joko pried his hands away, told him it was okay to open his eyes, just don’t look at the ground. Even as he stared through the holes in his mask, Travis replayed the scene over and over in his mind. A scene for his eyes only.

‘I know exactly what sort of person you are,’ Travis thought, a bit desperately, too scared to say it out loud. ’But I need you to keep looking at me like nothing has changed.’

—

Secret number four: Travis was having second thoughts.

They weren’t the thoughts Joko thought he was having. Travis had been very open about his reluctance to kill Technoblade. It didn’t matter that it was Joko’s plan, or that the reward was something Travis wanted. Travis was still the same boy who cried every time he saw a dead forest animal in Boy Scouts.

The part Joko didn’t know about was this: the reward itself was becoming a problem.

It kept him awake on the nights when he and Joko were both pretending to be asleep. He’d thought it over enough times to know he wanted it. He didn’t want to be a part of the killing game. He wanted to survive long enough to see the next school year, to be able to get a good night’s rest, maybe even to see his mom. Killing Technoblade was the only method they had to make that happen.

Except… that meant Joko would be left behind. He would either die, or he would become God. Both outcomes meant Travis might never see him again.

It was an ultimatum that plagued Travis day in and day out, but thankfully, there was nothing to be done about it at the moment. With two of their former allies in Techno’s corner and most of the other players dead, Joko and Travis had been forced to take a break from the hunt to strategize. It had been days of gathering supplies and using Joko’s phone to figure out their next move.

(They still weren’t using Travis’ phone. Techno hadn’t stopped calling him. It made them both uneasy.)

The upside to the situation was that it was just the two of them again. Even when they were stocking up on food, reorganizing their backpacks, trading off weapons based on what injuries they had in the moment, Travis enjoyed the time spent with Joko alone. Things were easier this way. Things felt safer this way.

Travis wished he could enjoy the walk they were currently taking, on their way back from checking out an old hideout of Schlatt and Connor’s. But there was a problem.

Someone was watching them.

Whether they were watching from the street or up above, Travis couldn’t tell, but he recognized the feeling. It was the same feeling he got when Joko was watching him, but didn’t have his head turned enough to tip anyone off to it. But that was Joko. This was somebody else. And whoever it was, Travis didn’t want them looking at him.

Depending on who it was, things could get tricky.

Joko was still walking like he hadn’t noticed a thing, no hunched shoulders or slouching. No slouching meant he was trying to seem casual. He knew.

“There’s someone watching us,” Travis murmured, leaning in to Joko’s space. He was too afraid to turn his head to check how far away the eyes were. If they were in earshot-

“I know,” Joko mumbled back. “Keep your eyes forward. Don’t panic.”

He didn’t need to tell Travis not to look panicked anymore. In the weeks they’d been together, Travis had mastered his poker face. It wasn’t as good as the opaque wall that was Joko’s mask, but Travis liked to think his own mask of calm focus was just as convincing.

While it was true he was often focused, he wasn’t always calm. Joko kept having to remind him to take a breather. Like a few seconds ago.

So, he followed instructions, and focused on tamping down his anxiety while his teammate took stock of the situation. Joko tilted his head slightly, first looking left to right, then slightly up at the rooftops.

He kept walking, but Travis didn’t miss the way his fist curled, knuckles whitening.

“Technoblade’s above us.”

Just a week ago, hearing those words out of Joko’s mouth would have been a cold water shock to the face. Even now, Travis felt the urge to freeze up, stop walking in the middle of the sidewalk, stay perfectly still like it could make him invisible.

There was, however, something else there. An impression of perfect clarity. Not quite complete concentration, but close.

Joko was with him. They both had weapons. Techno was who they were after.

Still-

“This isn’t ideal. He doesn’t have Schlatt or Connor with him, but our motel’s on this side of the city.” Joko was still tilting his head back and forth, a fraction of an inch each time. His voice was calm. Too calm. Travis could believe in his intelligence, but he couldn’t believe that Joko wasn’t as tense as he was.

“What’s he doing?”

“He’s just following us. I think he’s trying to find a way down.”

Travis glanced uneasily at a fire escape as they passed by a small alleyway. If Techno wanted to get to them, he could.

“Should we loop back?”

“It’s too suspicious if we suddenly change direction. He’ll know there’s something important in the area.” Joko began to walk a bit faster. “Once he starts climbing down, we run. You follow me, okay?”

“Okay.” Travis replied, as if his cooperation was in question. It wasn’t. Not for Travis at least.

He tensed up, prepared to break into a run. Still they continued walking, until-

Travis’ ears swiveled as a loud, metal clang sounded from up and behind them.

“Go!”

Joko didn’t have to say it. The pair took off running at the same time.

Slightly better hearing meant Travis started off a second before Joko, and he ended up leading the way as pedestrians forced them to move in single file. The sound of loud footsteps came a few seconds later, army boots hammering against the pavement behind them.

Look calm, keep calm. Look calm, keep calm.

He nearly ran into the road at a red light, but Joko stopped him, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him around the corner instead.

“The mall’s this way, we can lose him in a bigger crowd!” Joko shouted, hopefully drowned out by the growing crowd around them.

Travis’s brain formed coherent thoughts for the first time in about two minutes; “Aren’t we trying to fight him?!”

“We need an advantage! Lose him first!”

The grip Joko had on Travis’ sleeve slipped down to his hand. They sprinted onward, Joko guiding them down different streets with Travis almost at his side. Their palms sweat into each other. The footsteps drew closer.

Visions of the near future came to Travis half-formed. He imagined Techno catching up to them, having to fend him off in a crowded city square. He imagined having to fulfil the bounty in their current state, caught off guard and already sweating from exertion. He imagined having to use a weapon. Using it to kill a person.

Travis’ ticket out of the killing game was nipping at their heels.

They were out of the main square now, beelining for a part of the shopping district with significantly more space between its imposing window-wall buildings. Travis prayed that Joko’s plan would hold, that Techno would get caught up in the crowd and would be delayed- his ticket out would be delayed- but he wanted-

-a hand caught the collar of his sweater and yanked.

Travis shrieked as he was spun around, wrenched out of Joko’s grasp and knocked down and across the asphalt. The hand was still on his collar, letting go but still he was on the floor, right up against the wall of a building, caged in by Techno - keep calm look calm, he had to school his face into something better, he couldn’t give Techno anything to work with-

Any sense of tranquility he might have given off slipped away the second he saw Techno’s eyes.

His first (stupid) thought was ‘is that Techno?’ It looked exactly like him, but Travis couldn’t trust it. The eyes told all. Something had gone wrong, something had happened. Red, bloodshot eyes. Were the pupils human?

They were boring holes into Travis’ soul. Travis wished for Technoblade to look anywhere else. Joko was creeping up to them, Travis could see it out of the corner of his eye. He wanted to break the eye contact, see Joko’s mask instead, but that’d give it away.

He wanted to look away. He wanted to see Joko.

“Travis, finally!” Technoblade looked relieved but it felt wrong- “Did I hurt you, are you-”

Before he could finish his sentence, he unsheathed the sword resting at his hip, striking out in one fluid motion.

Joko stopped. Technoblade stopped. The blade was just close enough to not break skin on Joko’s neck.

Finally, Technoblade broke eye contact with Travis. The relief was beyond words.

“Don’t you dare move.” Technoblade shook with barely-suppressed fury. “Don’t come near us.”

“This is awfully forward,” was Joko’s even response. “This isn’t like you at all. Since when do you have the balls to attack Travis like that?”

“Shut the hell up. I’m getting him away from you.”

Travis watched the exchange with wide eyes, trying to take subtle deep breaths so Technoblade wouldn’t notice how exhausted he was. If Technoblade was going to all of this trouble for Travis, then why had he looked at him like… like they were both nothing more than animals?

Joko scoffed. “Getting him away from me? I’m not going anywhere, not when you’re acting like a manic child. Try asking nicely first.”

“Shut up.” Techno leaned in to Joko’s bubble. “Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to let me and Travis leave quietly, without any injuries.”

‘Come on Travis, think, you have to help Joko, you have to get away from Technoblade, what are your skills, what can you do-’

“Yeah? Or you’re going to do what, slice my neck open?”

“Got it in one.”

“I don’t want to go with you!”

Two pairs of eyes snapped away from each other and back to Travis, one invisible, one probing. He hadn’t meant to raise his voice like that. He’d meant to look calm, be calm, but Joko had a sword to his neck and Technoblade wasn’t right, and-

And he didn’t want to go with Technoblade. Not in a million years.

“Do you even see yourself right now?!” He pressed on even as fear and nausea gripped him. “You’re looking at me like- like- I don’t get it! You left me behind and now you want me to stay with you?!”

Technoblade’s face fell into remorse. “Travis, that’s not-”

“Technoblade, if you don’t get away from us, I’m going to shoot you.”

That was enough to get him to freeze. It was a bluff. It was a terrible bluff, because Travis was a terrible liar, and he didn’t know how to shoot a gun, but it was enough.

“I-”

In a motion so smooth and quick Travis barely caught it, Joko ducked under the sword and swung his fist hard into Technoblade’s jaw, sending him flying.

“You heard him, you sick fuck!” Joko unsheathed his pocket knife and descended on his opponent, “Why don’t you pick on the guy you didn’t leave behind in a burning hospital?”

Technoblade was back on his feet before Joko could get a stab in. He ducked low before ramming himself into Joko’s torso, sending them back to the ground with Technoblade on top. Joko’s backpack kept him from landing on his head, but Travis could feel the resulting whiplash as if it were his own.

He sat there, still up against the wall, as the pair continued to beat the living daylights out of each other. Logic and fear alike paralyzed him into indecision.

There was a reason Joko hadn’t used his gun on Technoblade. It was because Technoblade was Travis’ kill.

As he watched his teammate brutalize both his opponent and himself, controlled elegance no match for Technoblade’s prowess in close quarter combat, a terrible, wonderful truth materialized in his mind.

The thought of killing Technoblade didn’t feel like anything to Travis.

But leaving Joko did.

He didn’t want the reward. He didn’t want to be one of the final two players. He wanted to stay with Joko. He wanted Joko to win.

He wanted Joko.

“Travis! Come on! Let’s kill this fucker!”

Beautiful, scary, vulnerable Joko. Joko, who pretended he wasn’t an open book. Joko, who killed people with the same hands he used to comb through Travis’ hair. Joko, whose plan for eliminating another obstacle involved setting Travis free.

He unsheathed the baseball bat he kept secured to his backpack. His partner’s call to action quelled all of his doubts. Joko was more important than Technoblade. Helping his partner was more important than fulfilling the bounty.

Travis leaped up from his spot against the wall and swung at Technoblade with everything he had.

He wasn’t as sneaky as Joko; Technoblade noticed him seconds before what would have been a hit to the head, allowing him to dodge out of the way.

It wasn’t enough. Travis collided with his shoulder instead.

There it was again. The sound of bone fracturing into pieces. Travis didn’t know what he had hit. He didn’t know if the injury was permanent. It didn’t matter.

The howl of pain that followed after was pure animalism.

“That’s it Travis! Get his ass!” Joko cheered, voice so elated and unhinged it had Travis blushing.

“Travis-!”

He didn’t let Technoblade finish what he was going to say. He swung again, leaving Technoblade to scramble out of the way.

This time, it was him on the ground, Travis looming over him with a weapon raised. Travis was the only one of the three who was completely unscathed. Joko was on the ground behind him, ready to leap back into action at a moment’s notice.

Technoblade was messed up enough that Travis could finish things. He knew for a fact: all it would take for Techno to be dead would be Travis deciding to kill him.

But Joko was injured. Joko was more important.

In that brief pause, stripped of all dignity, Technoblade did what he always did. He ran away.

If Travis were more like Joko, he would have run after him, hunted him down until his body gave out. Instead, he watched him go, fixated on his bloodied form. On all of the hits Joko had managed to land.

…Why wasn’t Joko going after him?

Travis turned and crouched down in front of Joko. His mask had barely stayed on throughout the fight, dented and thrown askew. Travis caught a glimpse of bruised jaw before Joko adjusted himself, pulled his hood over his head.

“Are you okay?” Travis couldn’t help but fret, “I’m sorry he got away, I just wanted to check on you-”

“Travis. I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Travis flushed an even darker shade of red. He knew his ears were perking up at the praise. He was so obvious.

“You did such a good job. Did you hear how much pain he was in?” Joko was leaning into his space. His hands were shaking as they reached for Travis’. Keeping air inside the lungs was an insurmountable struggle. “It’s okay that you let him go. We’ll get him some other time, okay?”

In that moment, Travis understood. Joko had let Technoblade go on purpose. The two of them were all the other had. Just 12 and 13, alone against the world. Alone against a high power. There was a noose hanging over both of their heads, and neither of them could bear to take hold of the rope.

He nodded at Joko, unable to wipe the grin off his face.

That night, Joko slept facing Travis for the first time, with the blankets covering them both.

—

Secret number five: Joko loved him.

It was Joko’s secret, but he didn’t know Travis knew it. He didn’t have to say it out loud. Travis just knew.

Ever since Joko had trusted him enough to face him while sleeping, Travis had had his suspicions. It was written in the way Joko touched him even when Travis didn’t need to be comforted, when there was no one else around to prove their loyalty to. It was written in the way it had taken them days instead of hours to plan their final move against Technoblade.

Two days prior, Joko had eaten breakfast in full view of his partner. Travis had tried to play things cool, but he’d been grinning with every bite. Nothing but Joko’s mouth had been visible, and the mask didn’t stay tilted up for long, but it was progress. It was enough for Travis to notice his lips were still chapped. He hadn’t expected for that moment to be outdone.

And then two days later, Joko was surprised when Travis requested they go find Technoblade.

As if it hadn’t been their goal the entire time they’d known each other. As if Travis would shy away from the dirty, ugly methods that would secure them their bounty.

“You’re sure?” had been the words out of Joko’s mouth. Travis knew what his partner really meant.

‘Are you sure you’ll be okay?’

‘You don’t wait to wait a bit longer?’

‘You don’t want to stay with me?’

Travis did want to stay with Joko. He wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. They were Travis and Joko. Not Travis, Technoblade and Cooper. Not Travis and Joko plus three allies. Travis and Joko. It was the two of them or it was nothing.

Travis loved Joko with everything he had. Knowing Joko felt the same was what kept him marching onwards through the forest, en route to what could very well be Joko and Travis’ last interaction before Joko became God.

Joko was going to become God.

A sudden wave of bittersweet emotion hit Travis full-force. Out in the wilderness, with Joko as quiet as he was in that moment, there was nothing to distract Travis from his own thoughts.

It was time to take a risk.

“Hey Joko?”

A turn of the head. “Yeah Travis?”

“Can you hold my hand?”

Joko came to an abrupt halt, forcing Travis to stop as well. He was staring at his partner through the mask, as still as if Travis had just asked him to keel over and die. A week ago, Travis would have been scared by such a reaction. Now, the knowledge of how Joko felt kept him calm and patient as his partner processed the request.

He had known what Joko’s answer would be before he’d asked the question.

“...Sure.”

Travis beamed, and took Joko’s hand in his own. Squeezed it tight for good measure. Joko looked away, but Travis felt him squeeze back, just lightly enough for plausible deniability.

They didn’t have to say anything more than that. The pair walked on in comfortable silence. The joy at holding Joko’s hand completely overwhelmed any anticipation Travis had for what was to come. He hummed a low tune, footsteps passing over the ground much lighter than before. When they came to an overturned tree, Travis jumped up to walk on top of it. Joko didn’t let go of his hand, helping him balance without complaint.

Just a few days ago, the game had felt unpredictable. Travis had spent weeks not knowing whether any given moment would be his last. He trusted Joko, but he wasn’t invincible. Joko could get hurt. Joko could be killed. It was all still true, but Travis knew for certain now: Joko was going to become God.

If Joko was God, it meant he could be happy. If Joko was God, it meant all of his suffering could end. If Joko was God, then Travis could rest easy knowing he was watched over by someone who knew him. Someone who loved him.

Once he was God, he could visit Travis any time he wanted to, any way he wanted. It would be different. They wouldn’t be two people clawing their way through life anymore. Travis would still be Travis, and Joko would be something more.

But it had to turn out that way. The alternatives were too much for Travis’ heart to handle. But as much as he didn’t believe in them, those alternatives could still happen.

Travis stopped walking, halfway across the log. Joko stopped too.

“...Travis?”

“Joko.”

He turned to face Joko, and before the other could react, he leaned down to grab his other hand. Standing on the fallen tree, he was now taller than Joko, who had to lift his arms if he wanted to keep holding Travis’ hands.

“What’s wrong, Travis?”

“I need you to do something for me.”

Joko hesitated, then nodded. “Okay? What is it?”

“Could you please take off your mask?”

His grip tightened. His shoulders tensed. He stared up at Travis, stunned into silence. Travis took it all in, committed it to memory.

Joko hadn’t said no yet.

“I need you to know, Joko,” Travis continued, the words tumbling out without restraint, “that whatever happens next, whether I die or you die or I’m freed or one of us becomes God-”

“Travis-”

“-I need you to know I haven’t regretted a moment spent with you. I want to- I want to share a bed with you forever. I want to show you all of my favorite spots in my hometown. I want you to meet my mom. If I could have that reality, I’d do anything for it. But it might not come true. So-”

He took a deep breath. He felt more calm than he had been in years.

“-I need to see you. Can you take off your mask for me?”

The silence must have lasted a full two minutes. It could have lasted twenty and Travis wouldn’t have minded. He stayed in place, hands in Joko’s, smiling down at his partner.

An imperceptible jerk of the head. A murmur: “Okay.”

Travis’ heart swelled.

It took another five seconds for him to realize that Joko wasn’t moving. Even after he’d said yes, he still couldn’t make himself move. Travis would have to do it for him.

Slowly, carefully, Travis let go of Joko’s hands. He brought them up to Joko’s neck, then his face, cupping the exposed jawline. He held his hands there for a moment longer. Then, he raised one to the mask, and pulled it up and off Joko’s head.

Joko’s face was lightning in a bottle.

Round face. Small, sharp eyes. Chapped lips. Everything Travis had remembered from that stolen moment in the motel what felt like years ago, it was all still there. Illustrated in perfect detail. That and so much more.

His cheeks were soft and rosy. His nose was beautifully long, curved upward at the end. No facial hair save for a smattering of fuzz on his upper lip.

He was red around the eyes, had sunken eyebags, well-defined eyelids. His pupils were a dark, almost black brown. Travis had assumed it was just the mask casting a shadow over him. He had been looking at their true color all along.

Joko looked sad. Sad, and tired, and so, so pretty. Travis didn’t miss the way he melted when his face was held in someone else’s hands. It felt fantastical, getting to hold Joko in this way, leaving him speechless.

Travis still had things he wanted to say.

“Joko,” his cheeks hurt from smiling. He was sure his eyes were just as sad as Joko’s. “I know what sort of person you are.”

That beautiful face contorted - into shock, shame, guilt. Travis drank it all in: the lips pursing, the eyes squinting, the pupils contracting. He was still looking up at Travis, still holding his gaze.

Travis continued: “We made each other a promise. No matter what happens next, it’s still you and me. No matter what you do, it’s still you and me.

Okay?”

Joko appeared to crumple in on himself. His voice wasn’t anywhere close to even when he answered.

“...Okay.”

Travis smiled harder than he’d ever smiled in his life. Tears welled up, blurring his vision.

“Okay.

Let’s go get our bounty.”