Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Harvey waltzed into the Christmas party, swinging his arms a little as he looked around at the crowd of Pearson Specter Litt employees. It had been a good day even by his standards, having settled two cases and signed a new client in the process, and now he was ready to relax. He would much rather be doing that at home with a glass of scotch, but Louis was prepared to threaten him with something worse than death if he didn't show his face for at least an hour.

The man had insisted on holding the party at the firm, so all the chairs had been cleared out of the library and had been replaced with glasses of various types of alcohol on the tables, tinsel hanging from the bookshelves and Christmas music tinkling from the overhead speakers. Harvey had to admit that Louis had done a good job, a comment he made to the name partner as he shook his hand.

“Thank you Harvey, I pride myself on my yuletide celebrations.”

Harvey raised his eyebrows at the seriousness with which Louis spoke, but didn’t question him further.

“How’d your deposition go today?” he asked instead.

“The opposition are settling,” Louis smirked.

“Good man,” Harvey smiled.

The name partner asked how his day had gone, but Harvey didn’t quite hear the words, having noticed just who had entered the party. As well as just how breath-taking she looked.

Donna’s stride carried her with a tantalising sway of her hips towards where Mike and Rachel were talking by the punch bowl. Harvey watched, mesmerised, as she stopped next to them, brushing a hair out of her face and smiling radiantly at the two of them, clearly complimenting the couple as both of them had lived up to Louis’s mandatory Christmas theme. Rachel, a Christmas tree shaped claw clip, and Mike, a loud tie that Harvey thought would be better off burning in his fireplace.

Donna herself had subtly dressed to the occasion. Her dress was an icy blue with delicate stars stitched in a swirling pattern running along the hem, matched with snowflake earrings and a necklace he remembered buying for her birthday a few years back.

“Harvey. I said how did your settlement meeting go?” Louis interjected.

“Sorry Louis, you’ll have to excuse me a minute,” he replied, his eyes still affectionately locked on Donna.

Since Donna had kissed him and he had broken up with Paula, a lot of his free time had been spent thinking about the redhead. Not of his own volition he’d like to add, but his subconscious had a funny way of making any line of thought only resolve itself when it reached the COO. All that served to do was to make him constantly seek her out in a crowd and talk to her when he should be working. He needed to be careful. The two of them had fought about where their lines were for too damn long and their relationship was finally back on solid ground after the ordeal with Paula. The issue now being that he was slowly but surely realising that he was in love with her, and tonight was no different.

“Donna, you look beautiful,” he said by way of greeting.

She smiled and thanked him, holding his eye contact.

“Hi Mike and Rachel, you guys look great too,” Mike mocked.

Harvey shifted his feet so that he was now standing next to Donna; from a distance, the four of them would look for all the world like two couples in conversation.

“I saw you less than an hour ago,” Harvey retorted.

“You saw Donna less than an hour ago,” Mike pointed out.

“The difference is Mike, she’s a lot prettier than you to start with,” he smirked.

“He has a point,” Donna said with faux-seriousness.

“He does,” Rachel agreed.

“From my own fiancée.” Mike put a hand to his chest as if he had been wounded. “I guess I know when I’m beat. One thing though, Harvey, where is your Christmas spirit?”

Mike gestured at him and the absence of anything Christmassy on his person.

“My tie is red,” he said with a shrug.

“I’m surprised Louis didn’t banish you from the premises,” Donna laughed.

“You could have at least worn a green tie instead,” Mike said.

“You calling me a Grinch?”

“Hey you said it.”

“Okay come on pretty boy, what do you say we hit the dancefloor before you come to blows with the puppy,” Donna mediated, looping an arm through his and patting his shoulder.

Harvey let himself be led away, but only because Mike wasn’t worth it and he would rather dance with Donna anyway. There weren’t many other pairs on the makeshift dancefloor, but enough for them to blend in with the rest. The song was slow and Harvey felt a thrill at settling his hands on Donna’s hips and swaying along with the music. With Donna’s arms looped around his neck there was truly no other place he would rather be.

“You could have at least worn those cufflinks I got you last year,” Donna murmured, raising an eyebrow.

“You mean the sterling silver ones shaped like snowflakes?”

He stared her down, a slow Specter grin spreading across his face. They both knew he was wearing them.

“You’re an idiot,” she chuckled.

“Hey at least we match,” he replied, eyeing her earrings.

She smiled slowly. “I guess we do.”

The way she stared at him made it hard for him to breathe so he took a step closer, making them dance cheek to cheek so he wouldn’t have to look at her.

xxxxx

He wasn’t sure how long they danced, but he only removed himself from her side when Louis tapped him on the shoulder and asked if he could cut in. Harvey had actively stopped himself from rolling his eyes but had agreed nonetheless, leaving Donna and Louis to dance. He looked back over his shoulder once as he left the dancefloor, seeing Donna’s hair flare out and a smile on her face as Louis span her. God she was beautiful.

He needed a drink.

He took a glass of champagne from one of the tables and ran into Jessica, forcing him to pull his gaze from the COO to talk to the managing partner. The next hour or so involved speaking business with some of the other partners, shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries with people he didn’t really care about. To make it worse, when one of the senior partners finally left him alone, Donna was nowhere to be seen.

He did, however, catch Mike’s eye. The man looked like he had drank quite a bit since he had last seen him. His tie had been loosened and his cheeks were rosy; he wasn’t quite drunk yet, but he was just on the side of too tipsy for a staff party. Harvey himself had been in that position more than once, he thought with a smirk, having had a history of hating corporate Christmas parties. He still did, but they weren't so bad when Donna was there to joke around with.

Mike grinned when he spotted him and practically bounded over, brandishing something from behind his back and holding it over his head. Harvey kept his hands in his pockets and lifted his gaze to the offending item. Mistletoe.

“I’m not kissing you,” he deadpanned.

“Rachel kissed me.”

“She’s your fiancée.”

“So did Jessica.”

“No she didn’t.”

“You’re right she didn’t. But that’s not why I’m holding it. I wanna give you and Donna a little helping hand,” he grinned.

Harvey felt his stomach flip, thinking of what it would be like to kiss Donna again. But it wasn’t a good idea. He knew it and Mike would know it too if he was sober.

“Mike,” he warned.

“Nope.” He shook his head vigorously. “You’re not going to talk me out of this. I’ve noticed you pining after her for years.”

Harvey bristled at the idea of his old associate thinking about his love life.

“And since Paula – which by the way I still think was ridiculous – you only have eyes for her. Tonight has made that very, very clear.”

“What did you just say to me?” he returned, getting a little annoyed.

“I said, you’re in love with her and it’s about time you did something about it.”

Harvey clenched his jaw, primed to spit back a retort about how out of line Mike was being until he looked over the man’s shoulder, seeing Donna approach them.

“What’s going on over here?” she asked.

“Donna!” Mike grinned, throwing his arms wide.

Donna’s eyes widened in amusement, then turned her gaze to Harvey. Harvey’s jaw relaxed of its own accord when she looked at him, shaking his head at her about the lawyer’s antics.

“Donna, I have something for you.” He held up the mistletoe.

“That’s sweet of you Mike but I don’t want your fiancée to get jealous,” she replied sarcastically.

“No silly, I don’t want you to kiss me. I want you to kiss Harvey.”

Donna’s eyes widened further still.

“You want me to what?” she laughed.

“Kiss him.” He leaned in and whispered conspiratorially. “You know you want to.”

“Do I?” she retorted, smirking at him.

“Come ooonnn. Think of it as your Christmas present to me.”

Harvey’s gaze flicked warily to the young lawyer then back to Donna, wondering what she was thinking. Donna met his gaze and smiled, nodding slightly at Mike in a get-a-load-of-this-guy manner. At least she found it funny, which meant that currently only one of them was panicking. Since Donna had entered this conversation his heart rate had skyrocketed and how close she was currently standing wasn’t making it any easier.

Her gaze sobered a little and Harvey spoke to her through his expressions and she replied with her own. Many a time they had done this; spoken a whole conversation without words when the conversation felt too awkward or overwhelming to speak out loud. All he could hope was that she wouldn’t see just how nervous he was about kissing her. He wanted to. Desperately. But now that he was realising how he felt about her, he felt the pressure mounting in his chest.

“Guys my arm is getting tired,” Mike whined.

“Shut up Mike,” he murmured, his shared gaze with Donna never wavering.

He took a step closer and, without a second thought, touched his lips to hers. Harvey wasn’t sure if it was just him, but everything shifted at the sensation. Everything else fell away – Mike, the music, the people, all of it – all his senses were consumed by Donna. As they leaned into each other, he felt something in his chest unlock and he relaxed into the kiss.

He was in love with her.

Wholeheartedly.

Kissing her was the final piece of the puzzle he had needed to realise it. Fuck. He loved her. His eyes fell closed and he wrapped his arms around her. He wanted to deepen the kiss, but Mike cheering in their faces made Donna pull away in surprise and Harvey immediately felt the coldness of her absence. As she slipped out of his grasp, he felt their moment slipping away from them too but she was already focused on taking care of Mike, as was her disposition, to take care of others.

“Okay we’re gonna get you some water,” she said gently.

Donna took Mike by the shoulders and steered him away, leaving Harvey stood by himself and reeling from the kiss. Donna did look longingly over her shoulder, but Harvey didn’t notice, too focused on stopping himself from sliding into a tailspin.

He loved her. He loved her. He loved her. What was he supposed to do with that?

With Mike providing a sufficient distraction for Donna, he escaped from the room and headed up to the roof. Once he got there, he took a deep breath of the crisp night air and exhaled slowly out through his mouth. He had expected to be alone, but was surprised to find Jessica standing looking over the New York skyline.

The crunching of his soles over the gravel made her turn around, appearing to be unfazed by the cold.

“Fed up of Louis hounding you about not meeting the dress code?” she teased.

“I’m wearing cufflinks!” he replied incredulously, holding up his wrists as proof.

Jessica smiled in return and the moment sobered as they both looked out at the night sky, the stars mostly obscured by the bright lights of the city that never sleeps.

“What are you doing up here?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“I needed some air. I didn’t have time to go home before the party started, so socialising with the people I work with is the last thing I need. I thought a moment alone would stop me saying anything I’d regret.”

Ever the diplomat.

“Louis?”

“Haberman.”

Ah. The dick from accounts neither of them liked but needed to keep on good terms.

“Fair enough.”

“What about you?”

He let out another deep breath, keeping his eyes trained on the lights of New York.

“I realised something that could change my whole life,” he said softly.

“It wouldn’t have something to do with a certain redhead would it?” she asked, as intuitive as ever.

He didn't question how she knew that.

“I’m in love with her,” he breathed, meeting her gaze, “and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Harvey,” she chuckled, “the two of you have been in love with each other for almost as long as I’ve known you. Yes, you loved Scottie, and maybe even Paula, but Donna has been the one you’ve kept at your side day in and day out, every day, for 12 years.”

“That doesn’t mean she wants more,” he sighed, echoing Donna’s words from a while ago.

“Maybe it doesn’t, but she has worked with you, fought for you, lied for you, been there for you when no one else has. And I know you’ve done the same for her and that you would take a bullet for her if you had to.”

“I would,” he said sincerely.

“I also know neither of us are experts in relationships Harvey, but I do know one thing. Don’t stand by and say nothing, don’t keep the status quo,” she said, shaking her head, “because you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you do.”

Harvey leaned heavily against the low concrete wall, weighing up what Jessica was saying. He knew that if they started a relationship then they would be together forever; that wasn’t something that scared him anymore. All his past relationships had failed because Donna was someone he wasn’t willing to give up, and he couldn’t picture a life without her in it. And that was just the problem, wasn’t it?

Because what if she didn’t feel the same way. He didn’t know that if he crossed that line they would be able to go back, and if they did, whether he could work side-by-side with her knowing with absolute certainty that he would never have a future with her. That was part of the reason they had danced around their feelings for so long, preferring to keep their options open by never being completely honest with each other. But now that he understood how he felt about her, he wasn’t sure he could keep dancing the way they had been for 12 years now.

“What if I lose her?” he asked shakily.

Jessica levelled her gaze with his, wanting to really listen to what she was going to say next.

“What if you get everything you ever wanted?”

xxxxx

When Harvey returned from his heart-to-heart with Jessica, he knew what he had to do. He didn’t have a speech, he didn’t have a plan, he didn’t even want to think about the possible consequences that this conversation was going to have. He just wanted to talk to Donna.

His head was on a swivel as he looked around the party, failing to find that beautiful face he had become so accustomed to seeing. It was only through talking to Louis that he discovered she had left to escort both Mike and Rachel home safely. Apparently both of them had had a little too much to drink by now.

Glancing at his watch and noting the late hour, he resolved to talk to her the next morning. He would surprise her outside her apartment, take her to her favourite breakfast spot and take the day off. If she didn’t feel the same way, he would need the day to recover, and if she did, he wanted to spend all day with her. He smiled, his heart rate rising as he thought about how different his life could look at this time tomorrow, all things going well of course.

The next morning, just as Ray was pulling up to Donna’s apartment, he received a call that made that fantasy come crashing down.

Chapter Text

Harvey was out of breath by the time he reached the hospital. Ray had hit traffic and, being unable to sit still, the name partner had got out of the car and ran the last few blocks. His shoes cost more than most people’s rent, but preserving the fine Italian leather was the last thing on his mind as he had barged through the December crowds. His feet now pounded on the linoleum, coming to a skidding stop in front of the reception desk, his chest heaving.

“Donna Paulsen, where is she? Is she okay? Can I see her?”

The questions came tumbling out as he tried to catch his breath.

“Sir, if you just take a breath I will have a look for you. May I ask your name?” the guy asked calmly.

“Harvey Specter. I’m her emergency contact.”

Saying it out loud felt surreal. He remembered back in the DA’s office when the topic had come up through a case they were working on. It was when Donna had told him that her emergency contact was her father, who lived out of town and from what Harvey knew, wasn’t the best at being there for his daughter when she needed it.

He had forced her to change it and suggested his name should be the one on the forms. His argument being that he couldn’t do his job properly without her anyway, so might as well make sure he could be there if she needed it. She had laughed but conceded anyway, her only condition being that he do the same, arguing correctly that she was the one who knew him best in this city. Never in a million years did he think they were ever going to have to use it.

A few agonising seconds later, the receptionist found what he was looking for.

“Mr Specter, your wife is in surgery at the moment. Ms Paulsen sustained some quite serious injuries from a car accident, the paramedics brought her in an over an hour ago and the surgeons are doing everything they can.”

The term ‘wife’ washed over him completely, all he could focus on were the words following.

“Car accident? No. No, she didn’t have any reason to be out this morning,” he replied, his brows furrowing.

Donna may have spent years making his calendar for him, but Harvey paid attention to hers too. He knew when she had yoga, when she needed to leave the office early to catch up with friends, hell, he knew when she had a dentist appointment. He knew her back to front and inside out. She should have been safe and sound in her apartment; right now she should be eating breakfast with him and laughing at one of his stupid jokes, not-

He screwed his eyes shut, bracing his arms against the desk and holding his head at an angle as he ground his molars, trying to think about anything but the image of Donna lying helpless on an operating table. His chest started to constrict and he had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down, trying to tune into what the receptionist was saying.

“Mr Specter, if you take a seat in the waiting area then I’ll have one of the doctors come out to update you.”

“Thank you.” He barely managed the reply.

He sat in the closest chair and leaned forward, his head in his hands. Closing his eyes again, he tried to focus on all the information he’d received, looking for the loophole. The words he had been told span round in his head and he tried his best to think clearly, but the attempt was pointless. The only hope he could latch onto was that the surgeons were doing everything in their power to save her, but even that was probably just a line that receptionists were told to feed grieving loved ones. He cursed himself at the term. He wasn’t grieving. Not yet and not ever if he could help it.

“Family for Donna Paulsen?”

His head snapped up, finding a young-looking woman in scrubs looking at the few chairs that were occupied.

“Yes.” He stood up.

“I’m Dr Kershaw, I’m one of the surgeons helping your wife.”

“She’s not- She’s not my wife. She’s my best friend,” he replied, clenching his fists at his side.

It was strangely difficult to admit that Donna wasn’t his wife, and best friend didn’t feel like enough, but what other term was there? There weren’t enough words in the goddamn English language to explain what they were to each other.

The woman smiled.

“I’m sorry for the assumption. You should know that Ms Paulsen has sustained severe traumatic injuries as a result of the car accident; the lead surgeon is still working hard and your friend is determined," Dr Kershaw smiled, "I’m afraid I can’t answer any questions at the moment, but I’m sure the lead surgeon will be happy to take any questions that you have later on.”

Harvey wasn’t sure if he thanked her but somehow he was sat down again and the doctor in question was nowhere to be seen. He sat as still as a statue, staring at a point on the floor to stop his world spinning while actively trying not to be sick.

The loophole he had been searching for had been well and truly closed. By the sound of it, Donna had been fighting for her life while he had been having his morning coffee and reading the paper. He swore at himself, his fingers delving into his hair and ruining how he had styled it. He had spent far too long in front of the mirror agonising over it that morning, wanting to look perfect when he spoke to her.

But now his whole world had been turned upside down in the space of about 30 minutes and there was nothing he could do about it, never mind what the past few hours had done to Donna’s world. He half-hoped someone would walk up to him and punch him if it meant waking up from this nightmare, but the harsh hospital lighting and the pit gnawing at his stomach told him this was very much real life.

Out of nowhere, he felt tears building up behind his eyes. He blinked them away but it was short-lived. His eyes remained blurry for the next few minutes as he fought away the tears and bit back the sob that was threatening to burst out of him. Ironically, the only person he wanted to talk to was the one currently lying on that operating table. No-one could fix this. There wasn’t a single person in the world he could talk to that would understand how he was feeling. No-one except her.

He had no idea how long he sat there but before he knew it there was a voice calling for the family of Donna Paulsen again. He stood up, his head spinning slightly but focussing on the doctor’s face stopped him from keeling over.

“May I ask your name?” she asked.

“Harvey Specter.”

“I’m Dr Andrews, the lead surgeon for Ms Paulsen. Mr Specter, I’m sure Dr Kershaw told you that your friend sustained traumatic injuries as a result of the car accident. She lost a lot of blood and there was a brain bleed that took some time to stop.” She took a second to pause. “I’m not telling you this to scare you, I just prefer for loved ones to understand what’s going on. Ms Paulsen also had internal bleeding and a broken left tibia and fibula, all of which should heal perfectly fine with time.”

Harvey sensed a ‘but’ coming.

“Unfortunately, as a result of the brain injury she sustained we’re not sure when or if she’ll wake up. She is out of surgery though and everything went as smoothly as it could have. Do you have any questions?”

Harvey’s mind was so busy playing catch up with all the information he was being bombarded with that he only registered her question when she repeated it. He shook his head.

“Would you like to see her?”

He nodded mutely.

“I know that it's a lot of information to take in, so if you think of anything then please ask one of the nurses to page me and hopefully I can put your mind at ease,” she smiled.

Harvey just nodded again, starting to follow her down the corridor like a zombie, his ears ringing as he tried to process everything he had been told.

Internal bleeding. Brain injury. Not sure if she’ll wake up.

It was only when she stopped near a room and started speaking again that those words subsided and he tried to give her his full attention.

“She’s just in there. Take as long as you need,” she smiled gently.

Harvey just nodded. He wasn’t sure he’d said a single word to the woman since he had told her his name. The doctor now stepped away to the nurse’s station to retrieve some paperwork, leaving him to look into Donna’s room. The room was cold and clinical, cool blue walls providing a backdrop for the hospital bed in the middle of the room, the only splash of colour being the redhead’s hair splayed across the pillow. Harvey’s gaze skirted over the machines around her head that were churning out numbers and graphs and keeping her alive.

When his eyes found her face, he felt his knees start to buckle and he had to put his arm out against the wall to keep him upright. He couldn’t look at her but he found himself not being able to look away, just like when people drive past a car crash he thought sardonically. Her pale skin made it seem as if all the life had been drained out of her, not a hint of pink on her cheeks, defenceless against the world and relying on a machine to keep her here. It was such a far cry from the woman he knew; the fiery redhead that no-one dared mess with, the woman who could predict his every move and the only one that really knew him.

His stomach lurched and he threw himself over the plant pot near the wall, retching into it, grief-stricken. The doctor rushed over to him and he waved his hand at her, brushing her off and struggling to tell her he was fine.

“Something I ate,” he said.

A weak excuse he knew, but Dr Andrews didn’t press him on it, choosing only to give him a sympathetic look and a pat on the shoulder.

“It’s perfectly normal to feel this way. We’ve done all we can at the moment; I’m afraid it’s going to be a waiting game for a while.”

Harvey didn’t want to ask how long ‘a while’ was in this instance, fearing he may not like the answer. He just nodded and straightened up, loosening his tie and taking a step towards Donna’s door. He felt the floor start to spin again and the bile rise in his throat, but he wilfully pushed it down. One of them had to be strong and right now it was going to have to be him. He was going to have faith in her like she did in him; she could fight this. She had to fight this. He didn’t think he could survive if she didn’t.

Pushing that thought away before he needed to retch again, he slowly entered her room. The glass door was cool to the touch and the atmosphere of the room suffocated him, making his step falter. Tentatively, he let it envelop him and the door closed softly behind him. They were alone. Normally, that was something he found comfort in; there was flirting and laughter and a charged energy he hadn’t ever felt with anyone else.

Any energy there was had been sapped out of the room and standing there just felt wrong and awkward. This was unchartered territory; he felt marooned without her words to guide him, to tell him how to be there for her.

Needing to diminish the gap between them – a feeling he had always had – he drifted closer to the bed, his eyes locked on her face. Carefully, he ran the back of his fingers over the side of her face before cupping her jaw in his hand. He took a shaky breath, the fact that this was real still not quite sinking in. He wanted to believe he was dreaming, but if he was then this was the cruellest nightmare he had ever experienced. He wanted to run but his feet were rooted to the spot; the need to protect her overwhelming the fear of losing her.

In a moment of vulnerability, he brushed a non-existent hair back from her face and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. Closing his eyes, he reminded himself of just how different their closeness had felt last night. He had never felt so happy and optimistic about the future as he had when he had kissed her under the mistletoe, feeling something resolve itself in his gut. He finally understood how he felt about her and now the rug had been swept out from under both of them. Leaning his forehead against hers, he felt the tears he had been trying so hard to keep at bay slip down his cheeks.

He pulled back before he went to pieces, sinking down into the chair next to the bed. He held her hand loosely, wanting to be connected to her in any way he could, and leaned his other arm against the mattress. It was only seconds before his eyes blurred and he had to blink back tears for the second time that morning; he pushed his other hand across his cheeks but the effort was fruitless.

Harvey entwined their fingers together, her lack of response making his heart ache, and kissed her knuckles before leaning his forehead against her skin.

“Donna, please,” he choked, his voice breaking, “come back to me.”

Chapter Text

An hour or so later, Jessica, Mike, Rachel and Louis were at Donna’s door. Harvey didn’t notice them until they called his name; he barely even remembered answering Jessica’s call earlier that morning.

When his phone had started buzzing he had reached for it on instinct, but when he saw Jessica’s name on the screen he didn’t think he could take the call. He had had to force himself to leave Donna’s side, straightening his jacket and drying his eyes before stepping outside. He barely got through the words ‘Donna’, ‘hospital’ and ‘car accident’ before his chest seized up and he couldn’t have given the managing partner any more details even if he had wanted to. Luckily for him, Jessica didn’t need any more prompting.

“How’s she doing?” Jessica now asked softly.

He looked up at her, the sympathy in her eyes making it feel like a knife had been twisted in his gut. She knew he hadn’t told Donna. Her warnings had come true in the most horrific of ways and the pity on her face was more than he could take. He gave her a blank expression, unable to find the energy or the words to respond, telling her everything she needed to know about Donna’s condition. Louis leant back heavily against the glass wall, his eyes glazing over.

“Oh god,” Rachel breathed.

She brought a hand to her mouth, leaning into Mike who looked almost as dumbstruck as Harvey had felt, but not quite. All their reactions were ‘almost’, but for him, his whole world had been crumbling around him since he had got the call from the hospital. How could he explain that she’s a part of him? That her lying in this bed makes it feel as if he himself is crippled? Like there’s a piece missing? 

The four of them ventured further into the room, crowding around her bed and squeezing her other hand and looking at the machines surrounding her. Harvey wanted to scream at them, tell them that they were taking up too much space and she wasn’t going to get better with all of them pitying her like the only dog left at a rescue centre. But he couldn’t. Donna would chastise him and tell them that all of them were her family too, that the more people around to support her the better.

Donna had always been the less hot-headed of the two of them. Though she did have her moments, he thought with a smile. A sudden thought overtook him that he might never get to see her angry again, might never see the way her eyebrows drew together and the way her eyes narrowed. He had never liked it when they fought, or at least not when it felt like they were teetering on the edge of losing everything, but the prospect of not ever getting to see her express herself again was too much to bear.

“I need some air,” he croaked.

He pushed himself up and out of the chair as fast as he could and practically ran to the door, wrenching it open and taking a few steps down the hall. His tie was too tight again and he pulled it off roughly, undoing a button on his shirt and leaning with both hands against the wall of the corridor.

Harvey tried to take a deep breath and failed, feeling like he was drawing in water rather than air. It had been months since he had had a panic attack and now he felt himself flailing. His peripheral vision started to blur, but he did manage to hear Mike’s voice over his raspy breaths. He must have followed him out.

“Harvey?” he asked, worried.

He ignored him, focusing on counting to five with his breathing and using the other techniques that Paula had taught him. Breathing deeply through his nose and slowly out through his mouth helped, giving him enough awareness to hold up a finger to Mike, silently asking him to give him a minute.

Several deep breaths later, his breathing was more regular and he stood up straight. It had been a long time since he had felt like that, and it should have been no surprise to him that the prospect of losing Donna had brought it on. Therapy had helped him, but perhaps one or two more sessions were necessary if he was still feeling this way.

He was glad when Mike didn’t mention it, simply asking if he was okay.

“I’m okay.” He nodded.

Mike looked back at the room before turning back to the lawyer.

“She’ll be okay Harvey. I know she can get through this,” he said gently.

“Thanks Mike.” He forced his lips to lift in a quick, sad smile.

He clenched his jaw, trying to stop the tears welling in his eyes for what felt like the millionth time that day. He shook his head, wandering over to the set of chairs down the hall and sitting on the arm of the end one, bracing his arms against the metal. Mike followed, hands in pockets and waiting for him to talk.

“She’s everything to me,” he stated, looking up at him.

Mike smiled slightly, knowing that admitting that was a big thing for the older lawyer.

“I know.”

“And if she doesn’t- Or if I have to make that choice…” he cut himself off, shaking his head again.

Mike looked at him in understanding, trying to fathom just how he would feel if Rachel was in that position. No matter how awful and distraught and depressed he would feel in that scenario, he knew that it would be different to how Harvey felt right now. Harvey and Donna were as close as two people could be without being that, and they had known each other for so long that they really did complete each other.

“There was a bleed, in her brain. They stopped it, but they don’t know what effect it had... if she’ll wake up. They don’t even know if she’ll still be Donna if she does.” He shook his head, looking up at his old associate deploringly.

Mike didn’t think he had ever seen Harvey this vulnerable, this scared. He knew his words were empty, but he didn’t want Harvey’s words left hanging in the air.

“She’s fighting Harvey. She’ll come back.”

For Mike’s part, he didn’t know what he would do if Donna didn’t come back. She was one of his closest friends too and the idea of going to work and not seeing her was a hard thing to stomach. It was why the only option right now was to focus on the positive outcome. Because it really did have to be a positive outcome.

xxxxx

As the days past and it got closer to Christmas, Harvey was losing his cool more and more each day. After calling Donna’s parents, the two of them had got down to New York like a shot, looking as shaken as he felt. But time spent with Jim Paulsen didn’t do anything to quell his stress or anxiety about Donna. The friction between Donna’s father and Harvey, combined with the anguish both of them were going through, nearly made for an explosive scene at the foot of the redhead’s bed. And it would have done if it wasn’t for Clara.

Her parents made a promise to visit as often as they could and in return, Harvey agreed to call them as soon as he had any news. As much as Jim disliked the attorney, he was begrudgingly accepting of Harvey being Donna’s gatekeeper. He could tell when someone loved his daughter and as much as he hated to admit it, this man had it in spades.

For Harvey’s part, he finally forced himself out of the hospital chair he had camped in for five days and pulled himself together enough to get into work that morning, hoping it would give him some reprieve. He shaved, showered and wore a fresh suit rather than the joggers and t-shirts he had been living in at the hospital. He wasn’t sure he even went outside in those five days. Mike had brought him some fresh clothes, he had showered and eaten at the hospital, not that he had eaten much. And almost everything he did eat he threw up several hours later; it didn’t help that the hospital food was shit.

But once Jessica had practically dragged him by the ear out of Donna’s room, he had got it together. Or at least he thought he had. Donna was doing a little better; they had moved her out of the ICU now that she was breathing on her own and her cheeks were looking a little pinker, but the doctors were already starting to get a little less optimistic, having told him that the longer she doesn’t wake up, the less likely it was that she would at all. But Jessica had thought it was about time to get him out of there and he had done so, but with the way work was going he might as well still be there.

He had kept his phone glued to him all day in case the hospital called, but without Donna as his compass and the gnawing feeling that he should be at her side was making him irritable. It should have been no surprise to him that Jessica had just marched through his door.

“Go home,” she said, clasping her hands in front of her.

“You’re the one that told me to come into work,” he scowled.

“I know. And now I’m telling you to go home.”

Harvey stared at her, annoyed, not trusting that if he did say something he wouldn't bite her head off and waiting to see what else she had to say.

“You snapped at Gretchen, laid into Mike for something that wasn’t his fault, almost punched Louis in the face and nearly cost us two clients. All of this in the space of four hours, and you’re asking why I’m sending you home,” she replied calmly.

“Jessica,” he said lowly, shaking his head.

“Harvey, I know how you’re feeling but-“

“Nobody knows how I’m feeling!” he bellowed.

This explosion was way overdue and Jessica took it in her stride, waiting for him to continue.

“Donna is lying on a hospital bed fighting for her life and here I am moving papers around about crap I don't even care about! Every person I've talked to today has had that look in their eye that tells me they pity me and they look at me like they understand. All of them,” he yelled, accusatory, throwing his arm in the direction of the door, “all of them think they understand but they don’t!”

He stopped his outburst, his anger fading to despair.

“The moment I finally figure out how I feel about her, that I can’t live without her, this shit happens. So say what you’re going to say but don’t for a second pretend you know how I feel.”

The room was silent for a minute as Jessica let the dust settle, letting him try to pull himself together.

“Harvey,” she returned, taking a step closer, “what I came here to say was that there’s still a chance Donna could wake up. You should be there when she does.”

Harvey braced his fists against his desk, looking down for a second before looking back at her. He held her gaze, almost waiting for another shoe to drop because with lawyers that's always how it was. But not this time; this was a friend looking out for a friend.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely.

Whether that was for giving him permission to take more time off or for having faith that she would wake up he didn’t know. Either way, he ignored the paperwork on his desk and walked out through the door, nearly jogging by the time he got to the elevators. He punched the button and waited impatiently for it to arrive. Truthfully, his mind couldn’t be further away from work and all he needed was to see Donna.

Once he made it to the hospital, he walked with purpose towards the ward Donna was on, only faltering as he noticed the decorations that had been put up in the corridor. As he neared Donna’s door, vibrant greens and reds was all he saw, gaudy tinsel strewn across the posterboards and a small, decorated Christmas tree resting on the desk at the nurse’s station. All things Donna loved. A sad smile spread across his face, thinking about how excited she always was at Christmas.

Every year, the day that the Christmas lights went up in New York, Donna left the office early so she could take a long walk home and marvel at them. He remembered fondly the first time she had come into his office to ask – or rather demand – that she leave so she could see them. Harvey hadn’t ever really been that bothered about Christmas, having had the holiday spirit ruined for him by what had happened with his mom. But Donna had practically been bouncing and he had never been able to deny her a thing.

Having noticed what a Grinch he was (her words), she had dragged him out to see the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree lighting, promising that he would have fun. And he had. But not because of the tree or the hot chocolate or all the people in bobble hats. Harvey had enjoyed her company more than he had been willing to admit to himself back then. Even now, if he closed his eyes, he could remember the way her eyes had lit up when the lights switched on, the way she had wrapped her arms around his bicep and leaned into him close enough that he could smell her perfume.

He always heard her humming Christmas songs from mid-November onwards, even if she denied it when he called her out on it. She decorated her cubicle, and now her office, with tinsel. She had a small calendar she flipped every day to count down the days until Christmas from the 1^st of December. She organised the office secret santa between the people that were willing and as passionate about Christmas about she was.

Now sitting at her bedside, he realised that for him, there was no Christmas without Donna. For years, he had let the day pass without much to mark it, except the times when he went to Marcus’s. Donna had changed that. They always got each other presents, went out for festive drinks, called each other on Christmas Day. She was Christmas.

Which made it all the more devastating that she wasn’t around to spread that joy.

Tentatively, he took her hand and squeezed it gently. He had been talking to her, despite how stupid he felt doing it. But not talking to her felt worse. And with the way he was feeling right now, he needed to talk to her. He told her about the decorations up outside her room and about how much she would hate the colour scheme they’d chosen. About what Marcus’s plans were for Christmas and about the photo Louis had of his cat in a ridiculous Christmas jumper.

He didn’t realise he had company until a voice caught him off guard.

“It’s nice that you talk to her.”

Surprised, Harvey drew his gaze away from Donna, finding Dr Kershaw at the end of Donna’s bed, picking up a chart. He had seen her a few times since their first meeting, but they hadn’t shared more than a few words.

“I like to think they can hear, you know,” she continued, “that they know they have support on the other side and they have someone waiting for them.”

He smiled slightly.

“I’m sorry about your friend,” she said sympathetically, busying herself with taking observations.

“Thanks.”

“And I’m sorry again that I assumed…”

“It’s okay, a lot of people do,” he said, smiling despite himself.

He wasn’t planning to say anything else, but the sentence that followed just slipped out.

“She’s the love of my life.”

He took an unsteady breath following his admission. He had never said that out loud, but he couldn’t deny that it was the truth anymore. The doctor smiled warmly.

“How long have you known each other?”

“12 years.”

“And you haven’t made a move yet?” she smirked.

Harvey smiled.

“It’s complicated,” he admitted, “but she’s it for me.”

“You should tell her that. Tell her every day. Maybe she’ll hear you and she’ll come around; knowing you’re loved and wanted makes a big difference,” she smiled gently.

“I will.” And he meant it.

“Her vitals are looking stable which is good. I hope next time I’m doing the rounds she’ll be talking back.”

He nodded, squeezing Donna’s hand again. The doctor slipped out through the door and Harvey’s gaze fell back to the redhead. She really was it for him. No one else even came close. He wanted her in all the ways you could want someone, and he needed her in all the same ways.

Chapter Text

A few days later, Harvey was still living in a holding pattern. But that morning after he’d woken up with a crick in his neck and a stiff back only to walk out of her room and see red, sparkly tinsel in his face, he felt a switch flip. He had to stop doing this. He felt awful and probably looked even worse, no doubt starting to look like a patient himself.

When Donna woke up, he didn’t want to be the one that looked like they had been on death’s door for the past week and a half. Harvey needed her to know that he was there to support her and to take care of her but he could only do that if he took care of himself first.

That short burst of optimism lasted him until he put the key in the lock of Donna’s apartment. When he opened it, he was met with a brightly decorated Christmas tree at the end of the hall along with presents already wrapped neatly below. Trust Donna to have done all her Christmas shopping already. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he ventured further inside and crouched in front of the tree, reading the labels.

Her parents. Her sister. Rachel. Louis. Mike. Jessica.

Then behind all the others was one with his name on it and it took everything in him not to rip it open. There was a chance it would be the last gift he ever received from her. With a shaky hand, he turned the label over, reading her swirling handwriting. He loved the way she wrote his name, probably because he didn’t get to see it all that often anymore, now that she was COO. He turned the present over in his hands, choosing not to try and guess what it was. 

Donna liked to joke that he got everything he wanted and didn’t get what he didn’t want and that was all he ever needed from her, which was true. But every Christmas, it was always the gift he got from Donna that stood out from the rest. This year he was determined for her to give it to him herself.

He put it back carefully in its rightful place, looking around the rest of the apartment at all her decorations. Her Rudolph advent calendar, paper snowflakes her niece had made sellotaped to the walls, a Santa hat draped over the corner of the TV. He’d call her crazy if he didn’t know her. Hell, he’d call her crazy because he knew her, he thought with a grin.

A sense of nostalgia overcame him as he sat down on her couch, remembering just how much history they had in this place, even if he could still count on one hand the number of times he’d been here. That godawful dinner party still made him laugh out loud even now. The other time had a tendency to recur in his mind too. Then there were the times where it felt like the goddamn universe ground to a halt. Donna begging him not to fall on his sword for Mike. Harvey telling her she was different and that he loved her before running away like he always did.

In silence, he recounted every last detail of those moments and by the end of it he felt like a mess again. All of what they had been through couldn't have been for nothing. It can’t be that their history culminates with her taking her last breath in a hospital bed while he holds her hand.

He took a minute to collect himself before finally snapping out of his reverie and standing up. He needed to have faith that they still had more memories to make together, and if that meant having Christmas in the hospital then he was damn well going to make it a good one.

xxxxx

So, every day he showed up for her, as hard as it was. He took the decorations from her apartment and set them all up in her hospital room without breaking anything, even playing Christmas music while he did so. The nursing staff probably thought he was insane. He slept in his own bed every other night so he could come to sit by her bedside clean-shaven in the morning and be there for her.

Time always passed slowly during the day, but the days all merged together and before he knew it, when he unlocked his phone that morning he noticed the date was December 23^rd. He leaned back against the pillows, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes before the sorrow overtook him.

Donna had officially been in a coma for three weeks. It was the date the doctors had told him that from this point, her chances of waking up exponentially decreased. But it was important for another reason too.

Every year, without fail, on the 23^rd of December Donna would wish him a ‘Merry Christmas Eve Eve’. It was stupid and seemingly unimportant, but knowing he wouldn’t hear it for the twelfth year running made his heart hurt. Today he was supposed to tease her and say that it’s not even a real holiday and then ‘surprise’ her with her Christmas gift. Every year she knew it was coming and every year she was excited about it.

At first, she had brought her own present from him, knowing he wouldn’t do it. But as he got older and they grew together, he bought her things. Contrary to popular belief, he did actually pay attention to the people he loved, and several gifts he’d gotten her over the years were a result of that. She was one of the only people in his life that he knew how to buy for.

Before he left his apartment that morning, he picked up his present for her from where it had been sitting on his kitchen counter for over a week. He had spent weeks thinking about what to get her before it had finally clicked. Her mom had been sick earlier in the year – she was okay now thank God – but Donna had been really worried about her. He remembered sitting with her in his office while she stressed about not being there and being a shitty daughter.

Harvey’s heart had ached for her, having had a similar reaction when his dad died; he lived with that guilt every damn day. Donna had got him something after that, framing an old photo of him and his dad that he didn’t even know existed. It was still on his desk at home all these years later. So for Donna’s Christmas gift, he had found a photo of the mother-daughter pair and managed to get it printed small enough to fit in a locket to hang on a silver necklace. He hoped she liked it.

After he had put it under the tree, he came to sit at her side once again. Taking her hand, he squeezed it gently and looked up at her. It was snowing outside and the bright winter sun made her face shine, her hair still radiant as always. She would be pleased about that, he thought with a smile.

“I got you something.” He broke the silence. “Took me a while to figure out but… you’ll love it.”

He sighed.

“I love you. And I’m starting to think maybe you don’t feel the same way, because otherwise what the hell is taking you so long to come back to me,” he spoke softly, only half-joking.

“I miss you. I need you. Please, just, give me something,” he pleaded.

He expected nothing of course, but a slight twitch of her fingers drew his attention. His eyes widened, holding her hand tighter.

“Donna?”

She squeezed his fingers again. It was slight but it was there. He practically leapt out of his seat, letting out an excited laugh and grinning from ear to ear as he held onto her hand.

“I’m here, I’m here, whenever you’re ready.”

He sat himself down on the edge of the mattress, holding her hand with both of his, watching her face intently. The minutes passed agonisingly by and his heart was starting to drop when with every passing second there was no change.

“Come on, come on,” he urged under his breath.

A flutter of her eyelids and his heart stopped. He stared, eyes wide, watching those beautiful hazel irises meet his again. His heart swelled as she looked at him, still dazed but very much awake. She stared blankly at him and for a second Harvey’s whole body froze, his heart clenching. What if she didn’t remember? But, slowly but surely, a smile spread across her face.

He nearly cried in relief. She tried to say something but her mouth was so dry that it died on her lips. Wordlessly, he reached for a cup of water on the table and let her take a sip from the straw before putting it back.

“Harvey.”

Her voice was still gravelly, but it was her and she knew who he was and that was everything. If he grinned any wider his face might split in two. God if her voice wasn’t music to his ears.

“Donna,” he smiled, “welcome back.”

“Ugh I feel like I’ve been hit with a tonne of bricks,” she complained with a small laugh, holding a hand to her head.

She struggled to sit up straighter, wincing as she did so. Harvey leaned forward but Donna waved him off, rearranging the pillows and blankets until she was comfortable.

“You look like it,” he mocked.

“Yeah well you get hit by a car then we’ll see who’s laughing,” she returned, raising an eyebrow.

The joke fell flat, being a little too soon for Harvey’s liking. The tone shifted and the room seemed a little duller, making Donna quick to change tack.

“How long was I out?”

Wanting to keep the conversation light for as long as possible, Harvey chose to poke fun.

“Six months.”

Harvey smiled again as Donna rolled her eyes, not at all fooled.

“Very funny mister. How long was I really out?”

His expression sobered and this time when he spoke, his voice sounded small. He almost didn’t trust himself to speak, but he had to tell her.

“Three weeks.”

He watched sadly as Donna scanned his face, looking for any hint that he was joking. He wished he was. Instead he had been in hell, he actually couldn’t imagine anything worse than what had happened over the last better half of a month. He had been this close to losing everything.

“Oh Harvey,” she breathed, bringing her hand to cup his jaw, “I’m sorry.”

He managed a short lilt of his lips, leaning into her touch.

“It’s not your fault, it was that idiot driver,” he whispered, “but you are never allowed to pull shit like that again, you hear me?”

He had been going for comic relief, but it came out more desperate than he had hoped.

“I won’t,” she smiled gently.

Her hand fell from his face and went to his knee, running a thumb softly over the fabric of his pants. They sat there and gazed at each other, Harvey hardly able to believe that he wasn’t dreaming. He would have been content to sit and stare at her all day, but apparently Donna’s brain was working overdrive.

“Wait a second, I haven’t missed Christmas have I?” she asked, wide-eyed.

“No,” he chuckled, “you’re two days early.”

“It’s the 23^rd today?” she smiled.

He nodded.

“Well, then I guess someone needs to wish you a Merry Christmas Eve Eve,” she grinned.

“I don’t think that’s really necessary,” he teased.

“You mean like my present isn’t necessary? You better have got me a present Specter.”

“You’ve been awake less than five minutes and already you’re bossing me around?”

“Like you would have it any other way,” she smirked back.

“I don’t know if I want to give you your present now.”

She pouted at him and he couldn’t deny those doe eyes at the best of times, but especially not today.

“Fine,” he sighed in mock annoyance.

She grinned at him and he moved across the room to retrieve the present next to the tree. When he picked it up, he felt Donna’s eyes on him and he looked up to see an expression he couldn’t quite read, making him pause and look at her questioningly.

“Is that my tree?” she asked, pointing to it.

“What?” His gaze followed where she was pointing. “Oh. I didn’t want you to miss Christmas; I know how much you love it, so I thought I’d bring Christmas to you.”

There was a beat of silence, like she was trying to figure out what to make of it and weighing up what to say.

“That’s sweet Harvey, thank you,” she said sincerely.

He shrugged it off, coming back over to her side.

“But I did not give you permission to go into my apartment,” she ribbed.

Harvey gave her a deadpan expression. “Seriously?”

She broke out in a smile, a sight he hadn’t seen in far too long. He took a second just to look at her; the joy she took from taking the piss out of him, the colour back in her cheeks and the light in her eyes.

“I’ve missed you,” he said solemnly.

“I’ve missed you too Harvey, and I’m not going anywhere.” She squeezed his hand.

“I know.” He squeezed back.

He held out the present to her, not-so-subtly changing the subject. She took it from him, holding his gaze for a second too long before unwrapping it. As the paper fell away, she ran a finger over the blue velvet box before opening it slowly.

“Harvey it’s beautiful,” she said softly.

“Open the locket,” he whispered.

When she did, tears filled her eyes and she brought a hand to her mouth.

“How did you…” she breathed, looking up at him.

“You’re an amazing daughter Donna. Your parents came down here the second I told them what happened and they’ve been visiting you constantly. I know family is as important to you as it is to me.”

Speechless, she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. Harvey coiled his arms around her back, holding her close to him and leaning his chin on her shoulder. Despite the scent of antiseptic hanging in the air, Donna still smelled like her, a fact he appreciated more than he ever had before. He closed his eyes and breathed her in; the very fact that she was alive and on the mend threatening to overwhelm him.

They parted without a word and she gently lifted the necklace out of its box. Silently, he offered his hands and she passed it over to him before brushing the hair away from her neck so he could fasten it for her. His fingers grazed her skin longer than they probably should have, but that was always how it was between them; blurred lines.

But since the party, Harvey had been seeing in 20/20 vision.

“You look beautiful,” he murmured.

“Don’t I always?” she smirked.

“Yeah, you do.”

She looked at him questioningly, sensing there was more to come. His gaze was vulnerable and there was a look of clarity in his expression that Donna had never seen before.

“I love you,” he said sincerely.

He took a breath, letting the words hang in the air.

“I can’t keep it in and pretend that’s not true anymore,” he murmured, shaking his head, “and before you tell me this is just a reaction to your accident… it’s not. I finally realised how I felt about you at that Christmas party. I’d been trying to understand how I feel for months, and kissing you under the mistletoe made it finally click. I don’t wanna find out what lawyer I’d be without you, I can’t be me without you, with you it’s different; all of it. It’s because you’re… you’re everything to me.”

“Everything?”

He nodded slowly and leaned forward. “Everything.”

When their lips touched he felt something surge inside him and he poured every ounce of what he was feeling into that kiss. She responded in kind and kissed back hard, though their lips remained pliant against each other. It was different to any other kiss they had shared; it wasn’t bruising or flirty or tentative. It was soft and sure, the only similarity being that the whole world fell away and all that existed was them.

Harvey’s arms held her close while Donna’s went around his neck, both of them falling into each other and deepening the kiss. His tongue stroked her lips and she opened her mouth for him, making him elicit a soft moan. His hands ran up and down her back before resting on her hips and gently guiding her back against the pillows, kissing her with all he was worth.

Finally, when both of them were starting to get dizzy, they pulled apart with their chests heaving. They leaned their foreheads together, eyes closed and noses brushing, stealing occasional kisses as they got their breath back.

“I love you too Harvey,” she whispered, “always.”

He looked at her, grinning from ear to ear.

“Always.”

They smiled into the kiss, taking their time and familiarising themselves with each other. Harvey had never felt this way about anyone, ever, and he knew no one else would ever come close. Donna was his partner in every sense of the word.

They were content just to kiss each other with no demand for more. Both of them knew what this meant, what line they had crossed, and neither of them wanted to go back. They shared smiling kisses, chaste kisses, languid kisses that were soft and slow and full of love. Neither of them cared about the machines or the wires or even the hospital itself. They were finally where they were supposed to be, and that was all that mattered.

Before long though, Harvey noticed Donna’s eyelids starting to droop. This was more excitement in one hour than she’d had in three weeks, so he chose not to take her tiredness personally. He lowered the bed so she was in a more comfortable position and leaned over to kiss her forehead lovingly. Knowing he probably shouldn’t, he crawled in next to her. He snaked a protective arm around her waist and dropped a gentle kiss on her shoulder before settling down at her side.

He had never imagined sharing a bed with her like this. But right now, he couldn’t imagine having it any other way. 

Chapter Text

A few hours later, Donna was awake again and the couple finally told the doctors that she was conscious. Both Dr Andrews and Dr Kershaw had gently yet forcibly removed Harvey from the room, needing to complete their checks to see if Donna really was okay. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as he paced the corridor outside her room, looking for all the world like a worried, loving boyfriend.

The term gave her butterflies and she had to control the wild grin threatening to split across her face. She half thought that she must still be in a coma because never in a million years could she have believed Harvey would confess his feelings for her in the way he had. The past few hours had been a whirlwind and she was exhausted, but Donna wanted to stay awake so she could keep feeling this feeling that she couldn’t quite describe; words like elation and euphoria didn’t seem to cut it.

For the majority of her adult life, her life had revolved around Harvey, whether or not she liked to admit it; they were tethered to each other in a way that was hard to explain to anyone outside their orbit. She couldn’t help but feel guilty about the situation she’d put him in – she knew the accident wasn’t her fault, she did – but just watching him pace outside the door was making her heart ache for him. She couldn’t imagine what he must have been through in the last few weeks; it had been alright for her, she had been unconscious for most of it, she thought with a wry smile.

When the doctors had finally finished their checks, they started to tell her about her injuries but she stopped them. She wanted Harvey in here to hear this; without being explicitly told, she knew that he had been there for her throughout this whole ordeal. She owed it to him to keep him in the loop. As soon as Dr Kershaw opened the door, he slipped through and was straight at her side, linking his fingers with hers.

His skin was rough and knuckles chapped what with the cold December air and no doubt how often he’d had to wash his hands in this place. His large hand felt strong and enveloped hers with warmth and security.

“Donna, your body has been through a lot in the last three weeks. You have a broken left tibia and fibula that has been healing while you’ve been here, but not at its usual rate, so there will still be a month or so before that heals. All the organs that were damaged in the accident are healing nicely and your white blood cell count is up, which is good to see. The main concern is still the brain injury you sustained, so we’re going to keep you in here a little longer before we discharge you.”

“How much longer?” Harvey demanded.

She squeezed his hand, grounding him.

“At least 48 hours. Longer if we notice anything out of the ordinary,” Dr Andrews advised.

Donna sighed, disappointed that she would have to be in here over Christmas, and Harvey felt his heart break for her. She was the last person on Earth who deserved to be stuck here on her favourite holiday.

“Hey,” he murmured, drawing her attention, “we’ll make it the best damn Christmas anyone’s ever seen. And New Year’s won’t know what hit it.”

In that moment, he only had eyes for her and kissed her sweetly, reassuring her that everything was going to be okay. God she loved him. She kissed him back gently, smiling up at him.

“For now just try and relax and we’ll have you out of here as soon as we can,” Dr Andrews smiled.

Donna thanked them and both doctors turned to leave. As they did so, she noticed a knowing glance pass between Harvey and the younger doctor, and then the medics were gone.

“Why did Dr Kershaw look at you like that?” she asked, curious.

“What?” Harvey feigned ignorance.

“You know your poker face doesn’t work on me.”

She raised an eyebrow and he had the decency to look a little sheepish. He sat on the edge of the bed, leaning on his arm across her body protectively.

“When you first got here, she assumed we were married. I had to correct her and I hated doing it. So, I told her that you’re the love of my life, I just hadn’t got round to telling you,” he admitted with a shrug, “clearly she can see I have now.”

Donna smiled, that grin she had been suppressing earlier now hiding for no one.

“Have I told you that I love you?”

“Wouldn’t hurt to hear it again,” he smirked.

“You’re an idiot,” she chuckled.

“Maybe, but I’m your idiot.”

xxxxx

Donna’s room would have looked like a frat party if it wasn’t for the presence of a stocked medical cabinet and a lack of alcohol. Her parents and half the firm were in the room, giving Harvey a visual representation of just how many lives Donna touched on a daily basis. If it was him in that bed, he could pretty much count on one hand the number of people that would turn up. It was a testament to just how good a person she was that this many people had turned up to wish her a speedy recovery. Though he couldn’t help but resent those that hadn’t visited her even once in the three weeks she’d been here.

Come Christmas Day though, the hangers-on so to speak had been weeded out and there weren’t quite as many visitors; Donna’s parents had visited in the morning, followed by Mike and Rachel, then Jessica, then Louis had come bearing more gifts than Santa Claus. Apparently showering Donna with gifts was the key to her healing (his words).

But at the end of the day, when it was dark outside and the presents had piled up, it was just Harvey and Donna. That’s what it had always come down to after all.

Finally closing the door on Louis, he sank onto the bed next to her and put his arm around her shoulder, pressing a kiss to her head. The action came so naturally to him that it would have been surprising if he didn’t appreciate the fact that he had been in love with her for years.

“Hey,” she murmured, “I have something for you.”

She pulled something familiar from the bedside table; it was her present for him that he had found under her Christmas tree.

“You kind of stole my thunder with the present you got for me,” she teased, toying with the pendant, “but I hope you like it.”

Intrigued, he unwrapped it and his fingers touched a soft material. He held it up in front of him; a black cashmere sweater with his initials sewn into it. He’d been looking for something like this for months and Donna knew it, although it wasn’t quite the colour he was gonna go for.

“I know you think you suit blue better but you don’t,” she said matter-of-factly.

He grinned his Cheshire cat grin at her in reply before he pulled off his sweater and replaced it with the new one, loving the feeling of the cashmere wool.

“Well, what’s the verdict?” he asked, angling his body towards her.

“The verdict is that you look more handsome than usual in black and it’s about time you admit I’m right,” she teased.

“I’ve always been the first to admit that you know better than I do.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“In my head,” he amended.

She smiled, shaking her head.

“I love it Donna, thank you,” he said sincerely.

“I should be the one thanking you, Harvey,” she murmured.

“For what?”

“Mike told me what you did. You barely left my side for three weeks... You could have lost clients Harvey, the world doesn’t stop because of me.”

“Yes. It does.”

He shifted so that he could look her in the eye.

“Donna, when I got that call from the hospital, I damn near dropped to my knees,” he said, mirroring his words from years prior, “I couldn’t have gone into the office even if I wanted to. But what I wanted, was to be there for you like you’ve been there for me for 12 years.”

She shook her head again, holding his earnest gaze.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you more.”

“Not possible,” she murmured, leaning into kiss him.

He kissed her back leisurely.

“Now,” he smiled, pulling back, “what are we gonna do when you get out of here?”

The probation period the doctors had given them was nearly up and if all went well, Donna would be discharged in the next 12 hours.

“Well I know what I’d like to do,” she smirked.

He smirked back, knowing what she was talking about, but it was a little bittersweet. One of the conditions of her being discharged from the hospital was rest, meaning sex was off the table for the next four weeks. Just their luck that that happens as soon as they got together.

He leaned close, his lips grazing the shell of her ear.

“The wait will make it that much more explosive when we do,” he whispered.

Donna’s stomach flipped and a familiar feeling stirred in her gut as he spoke.

“You’re gonna have to stop right there mister,” she warned, trying not to get ahead of herself.

He smiled against her skin, kissing her neck before retreating to look her in the eye and brush a strand of hair away from her face.

“I’ve waited 12 years; what’s another 4 weeks?”

She smiled, kissing him sweetly on the cheek.

“As for what we’re actually going to do, you are going back to work and I am going to sit on my couch and read a crappy book while I recover,” Donna stated.

“Like hell I am,” he retorted.

“Harvey, you haven’t so much as opened your laptop since my accident. You need to go back.”

“Donna, we’re a team. Always have been and always will. I’m not gonna abandon you.”

“You’re not abandoning me. You’re going back to doing what you love,” she said truthfully, “besides, a condition of you going to the office is that you’re going to finish said work every evening at a reasonable hour so that you can come home to who you love.”

She cocked her head and looked at him, a satisfied glint in her eye. He grinned, imagining (not for the first time) what it would be like to come home to Donna and relax with her.  

“I think I can manage that.”

xxxxx

For the next week or so, that’s exactly what they did. Every evening at 6pm on the dot, Harvey was on her doorstep with a big grin on his face, seemingly more than happy to leave office stuff at the office and focus on her every night. They hadn’t spent a night apart since they’d told each other how they felt. In the past, Donna had convinced herself she didn’t want to be with Harvey because she’d get sick of him; they were around each other all the time already. How much more could she possibly take? And yes, she wasn’t working right now, but she found herself not being able to get enough of him.

He had come so far from that cocky ADA she first met. Now he was a cocky name partner, but he was so much more than that. Here he was, every day, finding a work-life balance so they could foster their relationship, so he could be there for her when she needed it. And every night, he curled up next to her in what was quickly becoming their bed and told her how much he loved her.

Every morning, she woke up to find herself weighed down by the lawyer who was draped over her, snoring softly. Harvey was partial to lazy kisses in the morning and they made out like teenagers with nothing better to do; both of them were finding it difficult to keep to second base, wanting nothing more than to hit that home run. They would get there soon; as Harvey said, what was a month when they had waited 12 years already?

Then when he got ready for work (having brought some of his suits over from his apartment), she straightened his tie and he kissed her goodbye, promising to be back as soon as he could.

xxxx

Tonight, on New Year’s Eve, it was no different. At 6pm Donna heard a knock at her door and she crutched over to it, smiling when she saw him leaning against the frame.

“Hey beautiful,” he grinned, leaning in to kiss her.

She kissed him back tenderly, resting her palm on his chest. She knew it wouldn’t be this way forever, but she was kind of liking getting to have her boyfriend all to herself for hours every day. Don’t even get her started on the pet name he had seemingly picked out for her.

“Hey handsome,” she returned.

“You ready to go?”

“If you could just grab my handbag then I’ll be good to go.”

With a few long strides he had retrieved the handbag and was back to rest a hand on her back.

“You look incredible,” he murmured, kissing her temple.

They weren’t planning on going out tonight, but Donna had dressed up nonetheless. It was a deep maroon number she had picked out before the accident; the cast on her leg took away from it somewhat but Harvey didn’t seem to notice. Besides, she felt incredible; that’s what mattered.

When they reached his apartment, she abided dutifully by his request for her to sit and look pretty while he waited on her. He got her a glass of no-secco (the doctors had also banned alcohol for the four week period), turned up the jazz and got to work in the kitchen.

“I still can’t believe you cook.”

“I’ve cooked meals for you before,” he replied indignantly.

“I didn’t believe it then either,” she chuckled.

“Just wait Paulsen. This will be the best damn steak you’ve ever tasted.”

“I’ll put it on the list of things I can’t wait to taste,” she said, sipping her no-secco.

Harvey stopped what he was doing and looked at her; his expression spoke of a warning but the desire in his eyes betrayed him.

“You’re not helping.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied, feigning innocence.

“Are you kidding? I’ve got the woman of my dreams sitting at my kitchen island looking effortlessly beautiful and I can’t do anything about it.” He stared at her accusingly.

“You think I’m pretty?” she said teasingly.

“You know I do.”

He walked around the island and didn’t slow down, walking right into her arms where he kissed her passionately, trying to tell her just how badly he wanted her. His whole body physically ached at how badly he wanted to consummate their relationship, how badly he wished he could take her to bed right now and really show her how much he loved her. A small moan escaped her as he nipped her lip before smoothing it over with his tongue, his lips relentless against hers until he thought he was going to pass out.

“Think of that as an appetiser,” he said lowly, his chest heaving.

Too stunned to speak, she nodded, taking a second to collect herself.

“These three weeks can’t pass fast enough,” she smiled, raising her eyebrows.

“Donna, I don’t want to wish away our time together; we’ve waited too damn long for this to do that… But I can’t wait either,” he smiled, cocking his head.

She pecked his lips quickly.

“I better get back to the food.”

They both knew they needed to keep their distance a little bit, knowing that if they went any further down this road they would end up in a tangle of bedsheets. Harvey for one would love for them to end up there, but he wasn’t going to put Donna’s health on the line, even if the no sex thing was only a precaution. He wasn’t taking any chances with the woman he loved.

xxxxx

Donna had to admit that the steak had been delicious, along with the rest of the meal Harvey had rustled up. They had put their previous conversation aside and chatted about meaningless stuff for hours, laughing with each other and stealing occasional kisses.

Now though, the time being just a few minutes shy of midnight, they were stood on Harvey’s balcony. It was why they were here tonight and not at Donna’s; her apartment was nice, but it didn’t have a balcony where they could watch the fireworks and ring in the new year.

There was a chill in the air, but Donna couldn’t care less with Harvey’s chest to her back and his arms around her waist, holding her close. His suit jacket and tie were long gone, his sleeves having been rolled up since he’d started making dinner; how he wasn’t cold she didn’t know. But being bundled against his chest, she didn’t feel the cold what with his body acting as a human electric blanket.

They stood in a contented silence, looking up at the stars and watching their breath coil upwards before evaporating into the air. She looked down at the streets below, the roads still busy despite the proximity to midnight on New Year’s Eve. It made her remember something she hadn’t told Harvey yet.

“I have a confession to make.”

“What’s that?” he asked.

She turned in his arms, resting her hands on his shoulders.

“The reason I was out so early on the morning of my accident.”

Harvey’s attention heightened as he rested his hands on her hips.

“After Mike’s ridiculous stunt pulling the mistletoe on us, I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss,” she said, fondling with the hair at the nape of his neck, “I felt something change, Harvey. And maybe that was because you felt it too, but I went home that night and decided I was gonna talk to you that morning. I couldn’t take the status quo anymore and I wanted to get to it before office hours.”

Harvey swallowed roughly.

“So it’s my fault you were in that cab,” he realised.

“What? Harvey, no. It was the asshole that ran the red light’s fault. The only reason I was out that early was because I wanted the rest of my life to start as soon as possible. I wanted to know if you felt that switch too, and you did. I just ended up having to wait three weeks to find that out,” she smirked.

He cocked his head, smiling at her.

“Have I told you that I love you today?”

Teasingly, she held her fingers to her ear, waiting to hear it.

“I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you too mister.”

They leant their foreheads together, just about able to hear countdowns going on in the city around them. In the final few seconds of the year, Donna couldn’t imagine anyone else she would rather spend it with.

“I can’t wait to spend next year with you like this,” she whispered.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you like this.”

Before she could reply, Harvey’s lips touched hers and they fell into the kiss as they always did. As the fireworks went off in the night sky, both of them couldn’t help but think that Christmas and New Year’s really was the most wonderful time of the year.