Work Text:
It had been months since the ‘Civil War.’ At least, that’s what it was being called by the public. Tony hadn’t gone outside the tower unless he absolutely needed to so he couldn’t be too sure if they were still calling it that. In fact, he wasn’t even in New York anymore. It just…wasn’t a good place for him to be.
Too many memories of his team. His family. Him.
He couldn’t stay there when he saw his face everywhere he turned. Heard his voice in the silence. Felt the soft brush of his lips whenever he closed his eyes.
He always knew that good things didn’t last long for him – with the exception of a few and even those hadn’t lasted long. Pepper was gone, Rhodey was hurt, and he still couldn’t think about Vision without thinking about JARVIS and wanting to drown himself in the many bottles he had.
As bad as he felt about it, they didn’t compare to the all-encompassing hurt, the numbness he felt when St- He had lodged the shield into his arc reactor. Didn’t-couldn’t compare to that breathless moment when he lost himself, the panic attack that had left him shivering and a blubbering mess afterward. The anger and resignation that he felt as the love of his life walked off with the man that had ruined murdered his parents.
Murdered his mother.
But, in spite of all that, he couldn’t bring himself to truly hate him. He found himself staring at the burner phone more often than not, wanting nothing more than to pick it up and-
Well, he didn’t exactly know. He just knew he was being pathetic. Pathetic because even after everything that had happened he still couldn’t stop thinking about him; couldn’t help but to wish that he could sleep next to him at night, cuddle up next to him while watching a movie, still bites of food off his plate while he played being annoyed. But he didn’t know if he would ever got those moments back.
It was ironic, and kind of poetic, the way he spent his days wondering around as if in a daze. Trying, and failing, to keep his mind off him. It almost made him want to laugh and cry at the unfairness of it. That he was here slowly breaking down; unable to get him out of his mind and yet he had walked away so goddamn easily.