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no, Shane knew better than this. at least he thought he did. He knew he had do end things with Rozanov, nothing good can come out of this. In his head he knew, the heart? not so much. Just when he needed his heart to cooperate, it decides to stay stubborn.
A million distracting thoughts racing in his head, while Yuna is trying to talk to him about the game next week. Against Boston, against Ilya Rozanov. He knew he couldn't face him, he knew it would hurt, and it was killing him.
- Shane, sweetheart! - Yuna snapped him out of his thoughts, he was worrying, what if Yuna somehow got the ability to read his thoughts? what if she heard everything? what if...
- Shane, are you alright?
- Yea mom, what were you saying? - he's no not playing this cool right now.
-why are you so nervous? is it the game? because, baby, i know we are talking about Ilya Rozanov - Ilya, the name lingered in his head longer than it should have - but, i have never seen you worrying like this. You have great chances against them, don't think about this too much. Unless there's something else I should know about? - Yuna gave him that concerned look she only uses when it's serious. fuck. what if she knows? he had a hard time keeping his feelings off his face. in reality Yuna did know, well at least she suspected it. But she wanted Shane to come out on his own terms. She has aways known Shane wasn't fond of girls, what she didn't know, was that the only person Shane was fond of, was Ilya Rozanov.
Shane didn't want his mom to worry, and certainly didn't want her suspecting things, he only allowed few words to come out of his mouth.
- I guess it's just the stress, I'll rest for a little bit mom, I'll be alright. - A lie, Shane likes to think he's getting better at that.
- Okay, I'll leave you alone for now, but let me know if you need anything. Don't hesitate to call! - She said and gave Shane a kiss. He followed her to the car and waved goodbye. Sometimes, he thinks Yuna is overdoing it, treating him like a little child. But then, he can't help but think about Ilya, and his mother. And he's always grateful for Yuna by his side. Shane knows Yuna will love Rozanov when she gets to know him. If she looks past the team he's playing for. He got carried away, He can not be thinking about future right now, not with Ilya Rozanov in it.
He went back inside and laid on the bed. Burying his face in the pillows, When he heard the notification sound. He could barely lift his head to look at the text, and when he saw the name, his heart ached a little more.
Lily: Hollander, are you depressed?
Lily: if you are that sad about losing, tell me. Maybe i will let you win.
Shane figured Rozanov suspected something, because he was distant, because last two times he ran out on him. And he knew Rozanov was secretly checking on him, without blowing his asshole act. But he didn't have the energy to deal with this right now, so he only replied with one word.
Jane: Asshole.
Read 08:12
On the other side of the phone, Ilya was getting more and more worried about Hollander. He also thought the only reasonable thing to do was to end it all, but he couldn't bear the thought of Hollander thinking the same thing. Of course Ilya couldn't do it, but what if Hollander could?
- Rozy, if you don't leave that Montreal girl alone right now and get your head in the practice, I will actually kill you. We play against Montreal in a couple of days for fucks sake. - Marleau hissed at him.
- Fuck you. - Ilya returned the favor. He couldn't think about anything but Hollander right now. Marleau shrugged his shoulders and muttered something under his breath. Ilya couldn't care less, what that was about.
day of the game
Ilya was getting ready for the game, and checking his phone every two minutes in the process, getting angrier every time. It was the first time Hollander hasn't texted him before their game.
- Waiting for your good luck charm? - Marleau shot him a disapproving look. - Get your head right man. - his words made Ilya even angrier than before and he charged at him. The chaos erupted in the room, half the team holding Ilya back, the other half holding Marleau.
- What the fuck is wrong with you? never mind, we'll talk about that after the game. Now for fucks sake get your shit together and win the fucking game.
The team got on the ice like nothing happened, listening to the crowd cheering.
When Shane saw him, the anxiety started to set in and breathing became unbearable. Rozanov hasn't looked at him. Shane knew he was avoiding him. He had ruined everything for them. He was thinking about how Rozanov probably moved on already, he couldn't shake the feeling off that he, voluntarily lost the love of his life.
They were stretching, Ilya couldn't help himself and kept glancing at Hollander subtly. One part of him thinking about what he did wrong, the other part thinking about how flexible Hollander was. Deep in his thoughts when he heard one of his teammates.
- Yeah man, break Hollander today, if he's out it's an easy win.
Ilya had to keep his fury hidden, he couldn't say anything, It would give both of them away. But fuck, what if Hollander got hurt? but it's hockey, there's always a possibility of that happening, he calmed himself down. Trying to think about the game.
The game started, Ilya yelled at his teammates - Play clean and win the game!
Everything was going easy, Montreal had scored two goals against Boston, one of which belonged to Shane. Ilya had scored one goal only. he kept getting distracted, and he hated that.
Hollander was skating with the puck, Ilya following not too far behind. He glanced at Ilya for only a second, though it seemed like an eternity for Ilya, when he saw Marleau storming at him with full force. And there it was, Ilya's worst fears unfolding in front of him. Shane was thrown against the glass, shattering it. He fell hard, not moving an inch. Million scary thoughts racing in Ilya's mind. Everyone is silent, maybe too silent. He can hear his heartbeat and for some time he could swear the time had just stopped. He wanted to do so much, but froze in place. When he got his head right, he skated to Shane. The blood was too much for him, it was everywhere, but his vision kept getting blurry. Ilya fell on his knees next to Shane, throwing his gloves off.
- Shane! please open your eyes baby. Shane! - He slipped, he knows it will backfire but he can't think about that right now. Tears running down his cheeks, he held Shane's head and kept screaming at him to wake up.
Medics arrived, trying to keep Ilya away, but it was too hard. He was too strong, and too strongly in love. His teammates pulled him off, when the sadness turned into rage. He knew Marleau did this on purpose, maybe he didn't intend it to be this extreme, but he still did it on purpose.
Before he knew it, the helmet came off and he jumped at Marleau, getting gasps and shocked looks from everyone on the ice, as if Rozanov crying for Shane Hollander wasn't shocking enough.
He kept hitting Marleau over and over again, without fully realizing what he's doing. Marleau desperately trying to protect himself from a man acting like a complete monster right now.
- you did this on purpose you sick fuck! - Ilya screamed as he threw punches at him. The fight got bloody really fast, now both teams trying to break apart them.
commentator: Now this really is something you never see! Boston Raiders' captain Ilya Rozanov fighting one of his own, after the unfortunate collision with Shane Hollander!
Even though Yuna was freaking out about his son, calling everyone on the team, trying to find out how he is, she couldn't help but notice Ilya Rozanov's shockingly overprotective behavior. She really didn't expect that.
Ilya got thrown out of the ice, face still bleeding. He rushed to the locker rooms and got out of his uniform, as fast as he could. He didn't shower, or washed off the blood on his face and hands, he couldn't care about that right now, and rushed to Montreal General, since it's the closest one, he knew they would take Shane there.
He really shouldn't be driving right now, he knows that. His vision is getting blurry more and more, as he thinks about how Shane is right now. He still didn't have any information, the only thing lingering in his mind are two words.
shane, gone.
And he can't have that, he can't bear losing another person he loved, not now, not ever.
Texts and calls are blowing up his phone, some are from his coach, surprisingly calm about the disaster he caused, asking how and where was he. Few of them were from Svet, asking him to call her and that everything was going to be okay. But Ilya knew, nothing was going to be okay. People probably already started taking about them, he gave both of them away. He didn't realize it, true. But he still did, and it wasn't fair, not to Shane, not to him.
When he reached the hospital, he jumped out of the car, not even realizing he had stopped breathing. Everyone was looking at him as he made his way to the receptionist. Who jumped up at the sight of Ilya Rozanov's bloody face.
- Is Shane Hollander here? I need to see him. Is he okay? - Ilya kept screaming, but was met with silence, which was way worse than anything right now.
- Mr.Rozanov I'm going to ask you to calm down, and let us take look at your injuries. - The nurse said with concern. She was a nice lady, and Ilya would also be nicer if it wasn't for the consequences.
- Fuck. no, I don't need anything. Why are you not telling me something? just tell me if he's okay or not, for fuck's sake - He kept yelling, making everyone around him either shocked or scared. Some people got their phones out and started recording. right, exactly what he needed right now. He was about to lash out on this woman, when he felt a hand on the shoulder, soft, weak. He turned around to see Yuna Hollander standing in front of him, also crying.
- He's in surgery, the doctors say he's going to be alright. - Yuna said, voice breaking. She couldn't bear the sight she was seeing right now. Spreading her arms out, she Signaled Ilya for a hug. And he needed that, they both did. Ilya melted into the hug and started sobbing again, one part of him because of Shane, the other part realizing he hadn't felt this warmth after his mother's death.
Yuna was stunned, realizing everything, replaying back years of memories, thinking how oblivious she was. How oblivious everyone was. But most importantly, she realized her son had someone who loved him this much, and that's all that matters.
with Yuna's help, they treated Ilya's surgeries. but he was still in a bad place, replaying the crash in his head. It got to the point where they decided to sedate him. He kept fighting, but couldn't resist how fast the medicine worked. Last thing he saw, was Yuna Hollander smiling at him, just a little. Mom.
When Shane opened his eyes, only thing he saw was the hospital roof, and the panic set in. What the hell happened to him, where was Ilya, and how was he. The thoughts were enough to make his head hurt again. He looked around the room and found only his parents there. They were talking about something, Shane could tell they were panicking, but couldn't really figure out anything else. "what are we actually gonna do about this? everybody's talking, Shane will panic" what the hell were they talking about? he wanted to question them, but could only talk so much.
- Mom... where's Ilya? - Not exactly what he wanted to say, but it'll do.
Yuna jumped up when he saw that Shane was awake. She looked at David, Shane knew that look. It was "what am i supposed to say" look. Yuna was debating if she should tell what actually happened. She took a deep breath and decided that honesty was better. After all, his son crashed so bad, and the first person he looks for is Ilya. Her heart ached for him.
- Honey, it's nothing serious, but Ilya got into a fight after you were hit and he was hurt, we had to sedate him. He's sleeping in the room next to us.
That was just too much for Shane.
Ilya. hurt. because of him.
-Is he okay? I need to see him - he cried out. His worst fears are coming true, Ilya's hurt, and everybody knows it's because of Shane. He's worrying about Ilya, but at the same time he realizes this could be the end. If people find out, the relationship they have savored all this years down the drain.
-You can't go anywhere right now, I'll see if he's awake - David said, Shane nodded, fighting back tears. He laid there for what it seemed like forever, actually for a few minutes. And the door opened. He looked up, and met the eyes of a man who now he realizes is love of his life. Ilya came running, also fighting back tears. The relief he felt after seeing Shane awake was unexplainable. Shane kept looking at Ilya's stitches, tearing up. He hated to see Ilya like this,
- We'll give you two some privacy. - Said Yuna and smiled. How could she have not realized how Shane looks at him, like Ilya's the only person on the entire planet.
Shane looked confused, why would their parents leave him alone with his arch rival, and then realized how calm his mother was when he asked for Ilya, everything was just surprising.
- Hey, what's happening? - asked Shane, but Ilya was too busy staring at him, like he might disappear, or get hurt again.
- Yeah, about that... - he ran his fingers through Shane's hair, savoring every moment of peace, before he delivers the news. But now, staring into the eyes of a man he loves so deeply, nothing else really matters. - They know. hell, i think everybody knows, or at least suspects it. I haven't checked my phone yet.
Shane stopped breathing for a second, he could feel his heart skipping beats. What could this mean for us? he's anxious, but at the same time, relief washes over him. They're both okay, and maybe it is the time the world finds out, but no, he's not ready. How could this even happen?
- Why? what happened? - Ilya swallowed, he knew it was his fault, and Shane had every right to get angry at him, but he wasn't prepared to lose him. not again. not ever.
-i am so sorry. When Marleau hit you, I didn't think anything and i hit him. And in the hospital, they were telling me nothing, and i maybe yelled. I am really sorry, i ruined this for us. you can be ang - Shane stopped Ilya with a kiss, he could only manage to lift his head up slightly. Ilya realized Shane was not leaving him and kissed him back. Shane pulled back and touched Ilya's face softly, afraid to hurt him.
-We will figure this out, together. - Ilya nodded, it was everything he needed to hear and more.
- я тебя люблю. - Ilya wished he could say it in English too, but couldn't find the courage to.
- I love you too, Ilya. - Shane spoke, leaving Ilya speechless. He understood, and more importantly, he said it back.
- Чёрт. I love you so much Shane Hollander, and i hope you know it. - Ilya gave him a kiss on the head, burying his face in Shane's hair. He has never felt happier. But the reality awaits them, and he's scared. he's scared for Shane, and he's scared of losing him.
A knock on the door makes Ilya look up, Yuna had come back. She entered the room with a concerned look and sat down.
- Are you ready to make this public? people will talk, but if you guys are not ready, we can lie. No matter what you decide we'll be here for you, and we love you, both.
Ilya was waiting for Shane to answer, but he was worrying too, what could this mean for their lives, careers? it was just too much to think about.
- Let's let Shane rest and then we will talk about what to do. - said Ilya, getting an approving nod from Yuna. Shane fought a little and fell asleep shortly after. Ilya decided to check his phone for the first time, it was overflowing. As soon as he opened his socials, he was met with news about them.
Hockey stars Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander dating
For the sake of his sanity, he choose not to read it, the pictures clearly explained what the article was about, The link had two photos attached. one, with Shane on the ground and the other, Ilya's bloody face. Seeing Shane like that again, made his head hurt again. He continued to scroll.
trending hashtags
#ShaneHollanderInjury
#Hollanov
#Hockey
He finally decided to read some of the comments, people had very mixed emotions about them.
Laurie @rozzyyloverr • 3h
not to be like super dramatic but i would kill for them. #Hollanov
Salliluv @sallimoree
replaying to @rozzyyloverr • 3h
LITERALLY A PERFECT COUPLE I CAN'TT
DavidHockey @davidd12
replaying to @rozzyyloverr • 3h
oh hell no! I loved Montreal but not anymore.
Lucas @gaybitchesonly • 3h
replaying to @davidd12
lmaoo it's 21st century, get over it. and it's not like they are the only gay hockey players out there. #Hollanov
Amanda @ammysoyer •2h
replaying to @davidd12
I agree. they can take their homosexuality somewhere else. i'm disgusted
That was enough to get Ilya out from the socials. He was just worrying about Shane's reaction. He would try to shelter him from it, but he can't fully. He opened his messages next.
Svet:
Позвони мне, дорогая.
Coach: need to talk! immediately
Scott:
hey man, i know we don't get along well, but if you need help with something, I'm here. Kip says hi btw. he wants to invite you two to dinner. how is Shane?
He let out a small laugh at the fact that Scott fucking Hunter was texting him. It was truly the rock bottom. But then again, he was pretty sure Kip made him do it. He liked Kip, he was nice.
Shane was recovering well. His teammates kept coming to see him, also seeing Ilya there and teasing them about it, they knew, there was no point in hiding anymore. Troy kept saying how proud he was of them, until they had dragged him away. Even Marleau came to apologize, Shane took him in, Ilya on the other hand... was not happy.
Ilya had not left his side, even with Shane insisting, but where would Ilya even go? He needed to be with Shane. He got along with Yuna and David really well. Even though he and Yuna had occasional fights about hockey teams. but it was nice, the four hospital walls felt more home for him than anywhere else.
He pretty soon realized he found what he was always looking for.
A family.
Shane kept looking at them with eyes full of love. Three people he loved more than anyone in the world, loving each other. He always knew Yuna would love him, the real him, but he didn't expect this much love from either of them.
When he got discharged, he insisted that Ilya had to go with them. And he was in recovery, so who could say no to him? besides that, Yuna had already made plans about it too.
Outside of hospital, there were reporters already, which made Shane even more anxious. As if being in a wheelchair for a whole week wasn't enough. But now he had Ilya, and he didn't need to hide him. Ilya looked at him, like he knew what Shane was thinking about, and kissed his head.
The new pictures went viral pretty fast, now every news reporter, every instagram page, and whole twitter was talking about them. But for the first time, they didn't care. They had each other, and they had people close to them who loved them.
Boston Raiders took the news pretty easily. Marleau realized he had fucked up pretty bad, the coach made them settle things. Most of the team kept teasing Ilya about it, and calling Shane - Jane.
But all good things must come to an end.
Montreal Metros on the other side, didn't take it as well. Coach wanted to bench Shane, the teammates started to turn on him. Hayden was upset at first, thinking about why Shane hadn't told him. But he and J.J came around immediately, telling Shane they supported him. But, Shane felt indescribable rage towards his team. Everything he's won, everything he's built, and they're just turning their backs on him.
Pretty soon he realized he didn't care. He would leave the team and join anywhere else, as much as the most homophobic sport hated this news, they still knew how good of a player Shane Hollander is.
-моя любовь, are you okay? - Ilya asked, patting Shanes hair and kissing him on the cheek.
-Yes, now, yes - Shane said, smiling at his man. And he wasn't lying, he was okay, as long as he was with Ilya.
at the end of the day, their love is stronger than the hardships they face. And they both know it.