Archive of Our Own

“Make sure to highlight the Clio award we got last year for the New York Lottery’s add. I’m sure that’ll catch their eye.”

Mobei Jun grunted on the other side of the phone line. Luo Binghe, already used to his right hand’s cold attitude, was not deterred.

“Remember: the estimate must be the last part of the presentation. First you sell the proposal, convince them we’re their best option, and then—”

“Don’t you have cookies to bake?”

Luo Binghe’s right eye twitched.

“Perhaps I should join the meeting remotely. I’ll log in one hour earlier so we can go through the presentation together in case we have to change anything.”

“I can handle it on my own. Enjoy your holidays,” said the man before hanging up.

It took a couple of seconds for Luo Binghe to understand what just happened. He stared at his cellphone’s “end of call” notification until it disappeared. He was about to cuss his colleague and call him back just to hang up on him when the doorbell of the bakery cheerily announced a new customer.

“Welcome to Sunbeam Dreams!”

“Oh, Binghe!”

A painfully generic old lady came into the store. She smiled with delight at the sight of Luo Binghe, acting as if she’d known him since he was a toddler, and perhaps she did. Unfortunately for her, Luo Binghe couldn’t possibly differentiate this old lady from the horde of other old ladies who inhabited Greenville, North Carolina. It was like finding a straw in a haystack.

“Did you come all the way from the big city to help your mum for the holidays?” She asked as she approached the counter.

“Yes, ma’am. We’ll be participating in the Blooms to Bells event and mom needed all the help she could get.”

“Bless you, Binghe. You’re such a good son; and so handsome too. You know? My granddaughter will be home from college this weekend. You two would be a lovely match.”

“If she’s half as sweet as you are, I would love to meet her, ma’am.”

The woman’s cheeks flushed and she laughed with delight. Luo Binghe waited patiently until she recovered enough to begin her order. He diligently placed the selected pastries inside a cardboard box until it was almost full.

“That’ll be nineteen ninety nine.”

The woman gladly paid the bill with her credit card and placed a five dollar bill in the tip jar.

“Thank you, ma’am. This one’s on the house,” he said with a wink as he added one extra donut to the box.

“Oh, my. You’re a darling, Binghe.”

“Have an excellent rest of your day, ma’am.”

The woman giddily took the box and left the bakery, not without turning back three times to wave goodbye. Once she was finally gone, Luo Binghe sighed. Keeping his friendly facade the entire morning was exhausting. He was no stranger to buttering customers up, but the ones back home paid him millions for his campaigns while the people here would give him a ten dollar tip max. There was barely any point for the gimmick.

As if to mock him, the doorbell rung once more. This time, five overly excited children swarmed in, gluing themselves to the glass counter.

“I want a bear claw!”

“I want a pink donut!”

“Chocolates! I want chocolates!”

The doorbell rang once more but Luo Binghe was too distracted trying to understand what the kids were saying to look up.

“Hands off the counter,” a stern, oddly familiar voice said.

As if hexed, the children immediately removed their fingers from the glass and took a step back. Luo Binghe raised his head to welcome the customer and he almost gagged when he recognized him.

“Mr. Shen?”

The man stared right back at him.

“Luo Binghe?”

As if Luo Binghe needed more proof of how terrible Greenville was, he now was face to face with Shen Qingqiu, his former high school teacher. He still remembered the moment he met the elegant Literature teacher. He was a beautiful man, graceful and clever; Luo Binghe fell for him almost right away. Unfortunately, the man had the worst personality in the entire world. He hated on Luo Binghe almost right away, nitpicking his essays and never taking time to clear up his questions. He flunked all his exams, which held him back two months after graduation. This meant he couldn’t get his high school diploma on time to enroll at the community college. Sure, he would’ve only had to wait for the next semester to enroll, but back then it had felt like the end of the world. Shen Qingqiu single-handedly broke his self-esteem and optimism. If it weren’t for his mother’s support, he would’ve dropped from school right away.

It was strange to see him after almost ten years. He hadn’t changed much. He was as beautiful as ever and he had seemingly learned to tame the permanent scowl on his face. Luo Binghe wouldn’t say he looked affable but at least he wasn’t scary anymore. Besides, it was difficult to see him as a threat when he was walking around with so many children. That being said, who would be stupid enough to commend such small kids to someone as horrible as Shen Qingqiu?

“I was not aware you worked here, Luo Binghe,” if he did, he probably would’ve stayed far away from the store.

“Why wouldn’t I? This is my mom’s bakery.”

“I see…” Shen Qingqiu muttered as he stared back at him. Luo Binghe couldn’t quite read his expression. He was surprised, obviously, but there was also a hint of appraisal. There was a third thing, too. Something familiar but so absurd, Luo Binghe quickly pushed it from his thoughts. He decided to focus his attention on the children.

“What can I serve you today, kids?”

Only then did Shen Qingqiu gather his wits and turned back into teacher mode.

“Everyone, make a single line and tell the young man what you want. One treat per person.”

The children fumbled for a couple of seconds but soon they made a neat line in front of the counter. One by one they stated what they wanted and Luo Binghe handed the treats into their little hands. Each of them thanked him before stuffing their faces into the pastries, sending crumbs flying everywhere. Luo Binghe would have to sweep the floor later.

“I’ll have an apple turnover,” said Shen Qingqiu.

Luo Binghe, who hadn’t expected him to order anything, hesitated before handing him the pastry.

“That’ll be ten seventy four.”

Luo Binghe did his best to avert his gaze as Shen Qingqiu paid and clicked on the tip options. He wondered if he would at least get one dollar tip from the uncomfortable ordeal. If the universe was fair, he would get at least five. Sadly, the universe was anything but fair.

“Thank you,” said Shen Qingqiu, “come on, children. Let’s move on.”

The kids blabbered a chorus of thank yous and goodbyes as they obediently followed Shen Qingqiu out of the store. Luo Binghe was too startled to thank them for their business.

Not only was his devious ex teacher handling little children; the kids weren’t terrified of him! They were wary, certainly: they knew Shen Qingqiu would discipline them if needed. However, there was no nervousness or fear in their eyes when they looked at him. Rather, there was gratitude and respect. Had he somehow ended in an alternate universe where Shen Qingqiu wasn’t a scumbag?

Whose children were those anyways?!

A chime in Luo Binghe’s cellphone brought him back to reality. He looked at the screen and read a text from his mother; she had just returned from the farmer’s market. He quickly turned the store sign to say “back in ten” and quickly walked towards the parking lot. There, his mother tried to organize several bags and boxes of ingredients inside her van.

“Here, let me help you,” he said picking up two crates of berries. They weren’t heavy but they were voluminous, just like everything else his mother had bought. He had to make four trips to get everything into the pantry.

“Thank you Binghe,” his mother showed her appreciation with a kiss on his cheek, “I went a little bit overboard.”

“You should’ve just let me order this stuff online.”

“As if Costco had the same quality as the farmer’s market. No, no. I rather make twenty trips to the car than getting mediocre ingredients.”

Luo Binghe wanted to tell her that, with his money, he could get her the best organic ingredients online but he knew his mother would never trust anybody else to pick the fruit for her recipes. He knew a lost cause when he saw one.

After restocking the pantry, the pair went back to the store and resumed their business. It was a busy afternoon. The children were already out for the holidays and the families were starting to get together for Christmas. It was good they earned so much money by the end of the year; business slowed down in January thanks to the New Year’s resolutions and the people being broke. Luo Binghe had no qualms in keeping the store open regardless of its profitability but that didn’t mean he enjoyed losing money. If one day he could turn Sunbeam Dreams into a franchise, he would be ecstatic.

Later, after they closed the store and cleaned up for the day, they sat down together for dinner. It was during the meal that Luo Binghe’s mind wandered back into the memory of Shen Qingqiu.

“Hey, mom, do you remember Mr. Shen?”

His mother raised her eyebrows and cleaned her mouth with her napkin before nodding.

“Of course I do.”

“Well, he came here earlier today.”

“Did he?” she asked cautiously.

“It’s okay. He was fine, almost like a decent human being. He was accompanied by a bunch of kids.”

Despite her initial hesitation, the woman couldn’t help but perk at the mention of children.

“Oh, yes! Mrs. Inman told me all about it! Mr. Shen has taken a job at the Youth Center two blocks from here. He’s helping taking care of the children while their parents work for the holidays. They’ve been strolling after him the whole week, like a mama duck with her ducklings.”

“Hadn’t he moved to the west coast?”

“Yes but rumor has it he lost his job and had to return home this year.”

Luo Binghe felt a twinge of satisfaction knowing that his smug former teacher had lost his job.

“Still, I can’t believe he’s working at the Youth Center. He’s villainous!”

His mother placed one hand over his.

“I know Mr. Shen hurt you, Binghe, but people can change. It has been ten years, after all. I think he took this job as a way to redeem himself from his past mistakes.”

Luo Binghe sighed, recognizing yet another fight he wasn’t meant to win. Perhaps Shen Qingqiu really was on a rough patch and perhaps it was true that he was trying to atone for his mistakes. However, that didn’t mean Luo Binghe had to forgive him. If he were to be honest, this seemed like a good chance to take revenge of him. The man was in a difficult time of his life; he was vulnerable and he would try to hold onto anything moderately good coming at him.

And what could be better than Luo Binghe? He had been reluctant to admit it, but now he accepted that Shen Qingqiu had been attracted to him. He hid it well, but Luo Binghe was so used to drawing attention of men and women alike, that he had become a master in reading the signs of attraction. There was interest, for sure, but it wouldn’t be easy to make Shen Qingqiu act on it. Still, Luo Binghe was confident that he could do it.

He’ll make him believe he had forgiven him. He’ll pretend to be a regular, god-fearing, southerner and make him fall for him. Then, once the holidays come to an end, he’ll reveal the truth just before returning to New York. He’ll break his heart and destroy his self esteem. That’ll teach him not to torture any other student in his care.

“Binghe?”

His evil machinations were interrupted by his mother’s concerned words.

“Sorry, mom, you were saying?”

“It is Christmas time, son. Time of forgiveness and new beginnings. I don’t want you to keep on living with resentment.”

“You’re right, mom. I shouldn’t dwell on the past. I’ll reach out to make peace with him.”

If Luo Binghe had been a better man, he wouldn’t have been able to look into his mother’s eyes as he lied to her. Fortunately, he wasn’t.

“I’m so proud of you, Binghe.”

“Thank you, mom. I love you.”

Suddenly, Luo Binghe found himself looking forward to the holidays.

The following day, Luo Binghe rang the Youth Center’s doorbell. He waited patiently for someone to answer, trying not to fidget too much with the narrow cardboard box he brought with him.

“Good morning, what can I help you with?” a nasal voice on the other side of the intercom said.

“I’m here to deliver an order for Mr. Shen. I’m from the bakery down the road.”

“Hold on, please.”

Luo Binghe waited for another minute before the door rang, signaling that he could enter. He was welcomed at the reception by a young, disinterested woman. Or at least she was disinterested until she looked at Luo Binghe. Almost immediately her eyes sparkled with delight and coquettish curiosity.

“Thank you for bringing these all the way here, Mr. Luo.”

Luo Binghe faked a smile.

“It’s literally a five minute walk.”

“Still. Would you like a cup of coffee while you wait for Mr. Shen?”

Luo Binghe opened his mouth to politely refuse the offer but he didn’t have to. He ended up being rescued by Shen Qingqiu’s sharp voice.

“I’ll take it from here, Holy.”

Shen Qingqiu’s words left no room for discussion and the girl deflated right away. Still, she was smart enough to keep it to herself.

“Fill the registration sheet and follow me,” Luo Binghe was also smart enough to obey.

After writing his name and the date on the heavily used registry, he promptly followed Shen Qingqiu through the wide hallways of the center.

“I didn’t order anything,” muttered Shen Qingqiu as he took a left turn towards a poorly lit area.

“We ended up with a handful of extra turnovers and I thought it would be best to share them with you and the kids.”

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes, clearly not buying the silly excuse. “You can just say you wanted to meet me again, Luo Binghe.”

“But where’s the charm in that?”

Shen Qingqiu arched his left eyebrow but didn’t press on. Once they arrived to the last room on the eastern side of the building, he opened the door. In less than two seconds, a hoard of children surrounded them.

“Are those for us, Mr. Baker?” asked a teary-eyed girl.

“Donuts! I want donuts!” squealed one of her friends as he pulled Luo Binghe’s shirt.

“Are there any bear claws?”

“If you don’t let him go right now, Mr. Luo won’t give you any treats,” the children stepped back with such haste, it seemed as if Luo Binghe had suddenly turned poisonous. “Take a seat. I’ll go get napkins and plates.”

Hesitantly, Luo Binghe took a step into the room as Shen Qingqiu walked all the way to the back to get the plates from a very old wooden cabinet. The room was a poorly maintained children’s library, with scantly filled and disorganized bookshelves; it also had extremely old jungle wall decorations and a green carpet with several mysterious dark stains on it. Several tiny chairs surrounded a table covered with white paper, crayons and glue. He took a seat behind a tattered metal desk that had probably been there since before the cold war and waited patiently as he tried to ignore the curious stares of the kids.

Luo Binghe never paid attention to children but now that they were in front of him it was difficult not to. This time there were six of them, most of them overly enthusiastic and only a couple uneasy about the stranger’s presence at their library. If Luo Binghe had paid more attention to them yesterday, he wouldn’t have been so surprised to hear that they were staying at the Youth Center for the holidays. Their clothes were worse for wear, discolored and ill fitted. A dreadful feeling of nostalgia came to him.

For most of his childhood, Luo Binghe thought himself an orphan. Life was rough. He was bullied by the other children at the orphanage and the food on his plate was barely enough to go by. When he was five years old, he went to a foster home, where he received the bare minimum in exchange of household chores. It was a rough life but it was there where he met his adoptive mother. She was a kind woman that helped around his foster parents’ house every other day. They bonded right away, so much so that she offered to take Luo Binghe in once she heard that the family wouldn’t be fostering him anymore. He went on to live with her and, several years later, she was able to adopt him.

Life with his mother was infinitely better. They struggled economically, but it was the first time Luo Binghe experienced love and kindness. The secondhand clothes on these children stirred memories of his own childhood. He could only hope that, despite their deprivations, their homes were as full of love as his had been.

“Here,” Shen Qingqiu returned with a package of paper plates and a bag of napkins. The children formed a line behind the desk and one by one they took their treats, thanking Luo Binghe for the gift. They didn’t start eating until they sat around the table.

“Thank you for this, Luo Binghe,” said Shen Qingqiu as he sat on the top of the desk, “the program has a small budget and we can’t afford things like this very often.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad I could bring a smile to their faces.”

Shen Qingqiu wrinkled his nose and turned his attention to him.

“You turned out to be different from what I expected, Luo Binghe.”

“Oh? And what did you expect, Mr. Shen?”

“Someone unkind.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“You were a greedy young man. You craved attention and approval. I thought you would do whatever it took to get what you wanted. Yet here you are: working at a mom’s and pop’s bakery and handing out pastries for free.”

“I know you never had a high opinion of me, but isn’t this too much?” He did his best to sound hurt instead of irritated. Shen Qingqiu was as straightforward as always.

“Is it a poor opinion? I always thought you and I were very similar. That’s why I thought you would turn out just like me.”

Luo Binghe pondered on Shen Qingqiu’s words for a while. He had never thought he had anything in common with his former teacher. Shen Qingqiu was a stuck up asshole that could destroy anyone on his way just for the sake of it. Luo Binghe might have had destroyed a couple of careers on his way to the top but only because it was the only way to survive on the business. Besides, unlike Shen Qingqiu, he would never hurt the chances of disadvantaged children.

“I’m glad you turned out better than I did, Luo Binghe,” said Shen Qingqiu after a long silence. He didn’t sound proud or happy. Still, there was much more sincerity in his words that Luo Binghe had ever expected of him. The comfort it gave him was faint but enough to encourage his flirting.

“You say I turned out better than you did but look at you: spending your holidays taking care of unfortunate children. I think that’s very sweet.”

Shen Qingqiu snorted.

“Please, this job was incidental. I wouldn’t be here if I could’ve helped it.”

Luo Binghe imagined there weren’t many job positions for an English major aside from teaching, but considering the severe teacher and tutor shortage in North Carolina, it should’ve been relatively easy for him to find a job. Moreover, even public education would pay better than helping at the Youth Center, which mostly relied on volunteering. If Shen Qingqiu took that job it was because he wanted it or because he had been blacklisted from any other opportunities.

It was so pitiful, Luo Binghe almost found it endearing. Unfortunately for him, this was Shen Qingqiu, a man with no redeemable qualities. Whether it was caused by bad luck or a change of heart, his situation wouldn’t quench Luo Binghe’s thirst for revenge.

“Mr. Shen, I’ve already finished my turnover,” one of the boys said, “can I have another one?”

“No, we’ll be having lunch soon. You can have another one for dessert.”

A chorus of whines echoed in the room and Luo Binghe couldn’t help but laugh.

“It’s okay, children. I’ll bring more treats for you soon. In the meantime, don’t cause too much trouble for Mr. Shen, okay?”

“Will you bring bear claws next time, Mr. Baker?”

“Of course!” he said even though they were not part of the regular menu. The bear claw lover cheered and went back to his chair.

Taking that as his cue to leave, Luo Binghe stood up.

“I better go back to the bakery. It was nice seeing you, Mr. Shen.”

He nodded curtly as the children sung gleeful goodbyes, hanging out to the promise of more sweets.

Luo Binghe took that as a win.

The Blooms to Bells event would take place on Saturday. It was Monday already, and the ingredients were already purchased, but his mother was still busy rearranging their holiday menu and recipes. In the meantime, Luo Binghe went to the hardware store to buy the decorations for the stall they would be running at the event. Knowing all too well he would need all the space he could get, he took his mother’s van instead of the car he rented at the airport. He hated driving the damned thing but there were only so many giant nutcrackers he could fit in a sedan.

Once at the store, he wandered leisurely throughout the alleys. It was late on the season and most of the things were on sale already. Unfortunately, that meant there weren’t many options. He picked up four garlands, two plastic nutcrackers and a led nativity scene. He also thought it would be a good idea to get a small Christmas tree. He was about to go outside to choose the best remaining tree when he saw Shen Qingqiu comparing two boxes of small-sized artificial Christmas trees. Luo Binghe smirked triumphantly and walked towards him.

“Holiday shopping, Mr. Shen?”

The man barely gave him a side glance before turning his attention back to the trees.

“Aren’t we all?” he muttered.

Luo Binghe wasn’t deterred.

“I’m also shopping for a Christmas tree but I was looking for a natural one.”

Shen Qingqiu straightened his back and looked at Luo Binghe as if he’d just proposed to kill all the newborn babies of the town.

“Natural trees are disgusting.”

Luo Binghe tried very hard not to laugh but he did. Luckily, Shen Qingqiu didn’t seem to take it to heart.

“I can always count on Mr. Shen to hate on something as lovely as natural Christmas trees.”

“Lovely? They drop needles everywhere, are full of bugs, and smell like floor cleaning products.”

“Cleaning products? You mean, Pine-sol?”

“Yes,” he said succinctly. “Besides this isn’t for me. It’s for the Youth Center library. If I buy an artificial one it can be used for several years.”

“I see, that makes sense. But why one so small?”

“I have no car. Getting a regular sized tree on an Uber would be too troublesome.”

Well, there was no way Luo Binghe could waste that chance.

“I brought my mom’s van. I can give you and the tree a ride back to the Youth Center.”

Shen Qingqiu looked at him warily.

“You don’t need to do that.”

“Why not? We’re pretty much heading towards the same direction. The only thing I’ll ask in exchange is for you to help me pick a small tree for the Blooms to Bells event.”

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes drifted to the small cardboard boxes and then back to Luo Binghe.

“If I get a bigger tree, I’m going to need more decorations.”

“I’m sure we can fit them all in the van.”

“Fine,” said the man as if he was receiving a cup of poison instead of a favor. If Luo Binghe hadn’t hated him as much as he did, he would’ve found it cute.

Together, they picked a seven-foot artificial tree and two big boxes of decorations. Then they went outside to pick the most luscious three-foot high natural tree they could find. As expected, their purchases fit nicely inside the van and Luo Binghe drove them back to the Youth Center, where he helped bringing the decorations into the library.

After getting over the realization that Luo Binghe hadn’t brought any pastries for them that day (the bakery was closed on Mondays), the children went on to plan how they would decorate the library. One of the girls chose not to participate, though. Instead, she decided to satisfy her curiosity as she hung onto Shen Qingqiu’s right sleeve.

“Mr. Shen, you said you wouldn’t get us a big tree because it wouldn’t fit in the Uber. Did you carry the tree all the way here?”

Luo Binghe thought about the cheesiest thing he could say, and was about to explain that they’d found Santa Claus at the hardware store and that he gave them a ride in his sleigh, but Shen Qingqiu cut him dry.

“We used Luo Binghe’s van.”

Another children raised his head and dashed towards him.

“Do you have a van, Mr. Luo?”

“Well, technically it’s my mother’s,” he said hesitantly, a chill running down his spine.

“Then you can drive us to the zoo!” a third child triumphantly exclaimed.

“What?!”

“They’ve been wanting to go to the Asheboro Zoo,” Shen Qingqiu explained, “but I told them I couldn’t take them because I have no car and it is too expensive to rent one big enough for them.” The explanation made sense but Luo Binghe was not an idiot. He realized he fell into a trap the moment he mentioned the word ‘van’.

“Now, now, children,” Shen Qingqiu halfheartedly conciliated, “Mr. Luo is too busy working at the bakery. He cannot drop everything just to take us to the zoo.”

By then, all the children were aware of the situation and had surrounded them with the most pitiful looks they could summon. Not even Luo Binghe was immune to their pouts.

“I guess I could ask my mom for a day off,” said Luo Binghe and the children jumped with glee, “but we’ll have to go on Wednesday. We’ll be using the van the rest of the week.”

Shen Qingqiu nodded. “I’ll prepare the permission slips for your tutors,” he said even though the children were no longer paying attention, “and be grateful to Mr. Luo.”

A couple of kids stopped their celebration to thank him and one of them even hugged him. Luo Binghe, so unused to children’s affection, fought the urge to shake him off.

“You’re doing something very kind for these kids, Luo Binghe,” said Shen Qingqiu.

“Don’t act like you didn’t set me up for this,” despite his irritation, Luo Binghe found himself smiling. He couldn’t expect any less from his scummy teacher.

“Don’t act like you don’t want me to owe you another favor.”

Back at New York, Luo Binghe could get any beautiful man or woman he wanted. He was used to being the center of attention and he shouldn’t have felt embarrassed after hearing such simple words. Still, there was something on Shen Qingqiu’s tone, on his clever smirk, and the inviting fluttering of his eyelashes that made him blush.

“I— I better get going!”

He didn’t say goodbye to the kids. He simply turned back and left the library feeling like a silly middle schooler who had just spoken to his crush. For the first time since he began his pursuit, he wondered if this was the right thing to do. However, he dismissed his fears by the time he went back into the car. Whether it was a good idea or not, he was in too deep already. Besides, he had already promised to take the kids to the zoo.

It was too late go back.

Two days later, Luo Binghe drove Shen Qingqiu and the children to the North Carolina Zoo. The six kids were packed nicely into their booster seats (he didn’t even know those were a thing) and chatted loudly as they approached the zoo. Shen Qingqiu had brought two very old iPads to keep them entertained during the one-hour trip, but after they started arguing about what to watch he decided to rescind the benefit.

“If you can’t reach an agreement, then you won’t see anything at all,” he said firmly and without a hint of guilt. Even more so, Luo Binghe knew him well enough to recognize the tint of satisfaction in his voice.

The children whined for a couple of minutes but then Shen Qingqiu started playing “I Spy” with them, changing their complaints into a large list of random words, including things that weren’t even in sight. Luo Binghe didn’t know which was worse. At one point, he was close to stopping at the nearest gas station, hitch a ride with someone else, and ditch Shen Qingqiu and the children. When he signed up for breaking Shen Qingqiu’s heart, he didn’t think he would have to endure a bunch of snotty kids. The things one does for revenge...

Luckily, once the first “North Carolina Zoo” sign appeared, the kids quieted down a bit. At one point there was an expectant and expected “are we there yet?”, which Shen Qingqiu handled so dryly, that the children knew better than to ask again. Luo Binghe wondered what these kids had done in their past lifetimes to deserve a carer like Shen Qingqiu. It must have been awful.

Once they finally reached the northern parking lot of the zoo, Shen Qingqiu unbuckled them from their seats one by one, only to buckle them back into colorful harnesses connected to a leash.

“Do we really have to wear these, Mr. Shen?” asked one of the girls.

“Yes,” he responded, leaving no room for rebuttal, “just imagine what your grandma would say if I told her you got eaten by a lion because you decided to wander into its enclosure.”

“I could beat a lion!” the youngest boy chimed in.

Shen Qingqiu ignored him and the rest of the children as they started arguing about who would win against which animal. He simply continued harnessing them and clasping their leashes onto his belt. Once he finished working on the fourth child, he handed its leash and a belt to Luo Binghe.

He was so baffled, he could only stare.

“Do you really expect me to handle the six of them on my own? Its two against three, Luo Binghe.”

“It’s okay, Mr. Luo!” the kid who was on the other side of the leash jumped in. “We can take care of ourselves! We don’t need a leash!”

That was all Luo Binghe needed to hear to convince himself they definitely needed to be leashed. He took the belt, placed it around his waist and clasped the leash with a tug that was probably stronger than it needed to be. He did the same with the two remaining kids.

“Alright, on to the entrance.”

As small as the children were, they were strong enough to pull Luo Binghe forwards. Through the corner of his eyes, he saw Shen Qingqiu masterfully handling the children as if they were only two-pound chihuahuas. On the other hand, it took Luo Binghe several steps to get the right walking cadence. Figuring out the best way to tug the children closer without being too violent took even longer.

As they waited in line for the tickets, Shen Qingqiu handed Luo Binghe a card.

“There’s no need. I was planning to pay for everyone’s ticket.”

“The hell you are,” he pushed the card into his hands. “It’s an EBT card. The tickets are only five dollars each if you pay with it. The pin is nineteen eighty seven. It’s limited to four tickets, so I’ll use another one.”

“EBT? You mean food stamps? Is it legal for me to use it?!”

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes. “Yes, it is. It’s from one of the tutors. Caregivers are allowed to use it as long as they have the pin.”

That sounded about right but for a moment there it seemed like Shen Qingqiu would’ve used it even if it was illegal. It made Luo Binghe feel bad for the tutor who was kind and naive enough to lend the card to someone like Shen Qingqiu. Luo Binghe wouldn’t even lend him his library card!

Luo Binghe pushed down the feelings of guilt as he used the card to pay for the four entrances. Then, once they crossed the gates, he returned the card right away. Shen Qingqiu took it nonchalantly and put it back into his wallet.

“Alright, kids: watch your step, get out of the way of others, keep your hats on, and let me know if you get hungry, need to refill your water bottles or need use the restroom. If for any reason you get lost, stay where you are and only allow moms with children to help, alright? I put stickers with my cellphone number on the back of your harnesses.”

“Yes, Mr. Shen,” sung the children, although most of their attention was already on the sign that led to the giraffes’ enclosure.

There was no cloud on sight and the sun shone brightly, which explained Shen Qingqiu’s order for them to keep their hats on. Luo Binghe should’ve brought one too.

“You’re good with children, Mr. Shen,” said Luo Binghe as they stopped to look at the giraffes.

“Surprised?” a sour smirk appeared on his face.

“Yes,” he responded in all honestly, “you weren’t kind as a high school teacher.”

“I’m not a kind person overall, Luo Binghe.”

Luo Binghe knew he should’ve jumped ahead and said something like “that’s not true”. However, as much as he considered himself a good actor, he didn’t think he could pull that one up at the moment. Still, there was a whisper echoing in his mind: the timid words of his mother saying that Shen Qingqiu might have become a better person. Luo Binghe had to shake his head to get rid of the foolish idea. Besides, even if Shen Qingqiu had really grown as a person, Luo Binghe would still take his revenge on him. It was only what he deserved.

The group wandered around the zoo for almost three hours. Luo Binghe had to admit it was a fun place. The animals were in good condition and their enclosures were clean and accurate (at least as far as he knew). At one point, they reached a kids zone and the children all but dragged them there. There were several tree houses and hanging bridges. They seemed sturdy enough and Shen Qingqiu agreed to free them from their leashes. One by one, the kids hurried into the playground as the two adults watched them from afar on a god-sent shadowed bench.

“Thanks for bearing with this, Luo Binghe,” said Shen Qingqiu after taking a long sip from his water bottle, “I know this sucks but you’re still doing your best.”

“It doesn’t suck,” Shen Qingqiu’s deadpan expression made it clear he didn’t believe him for a second. “I’ve had worse,” he amended, “they’re good kids and you play them like a fiddle.”

“Do I? I think it’s the other way around. They’ve been begging for this trip since the program started. That’s why I jumped at the chance to use your mom’s van. I knew it was the only way to keep them from pestering me. My original plan was to only borrow the van, but you volunteered so eagerly to come along, how could I refuse an extra pair of hands?”

“Well, I’m glad I was able to help.”

Shen Qingqiu lowered his head and stared at the ground for a long time. His eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration and Luo Binghe dared not to interrupt him. Finally, he sighed and turned his eyes back to Luo Binghe.

“There was something else, since you’re already here. Take this as you will but I’ve been wanting to tell you this since that day at the bakery,” his eyelids trembled for a second. If Luo Binghe didn’t know better, he would’ve thought he was embarrassed. “I was cruel to you, Luo Binghe. I picked on you, graded you with more severity than the others, and held you back one semester purposefully. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

Luo Binghe never thought he would hear such words from his former teacher. He already knew he had been singled out and that Shen Qingqiu had done it consciously. Still, he never thought he would acknowledge it, let alone tell him he didn’t deserve it. He was sure the man had done what he did because he felt in the right to do so. He thought he would be unapologetic, arrogant and stubborn. He should be unapologetic, arrogant and stubborn. Why was he acting like this now that the tables had turned? Now that he had the chance to make him pay?

No.

He would make him pay regardless. Still, since Shen Qingqiu had opened the gate, perhaps Luo Binghe should get something out of it.

“Why did you do it?”

Shen Qingqiu furrowed his eyebrows. “It doesn’t matter, Luo Binghe. You were a child. Nothing you could’ve done would’ve made you deserve the way I treated you.”

“Still, you picked on me; you said it yourself. Why?”

Shen Qingqiu was confused for a moment. He genuinely seemed surprised that Luo Binghe wanted to hear the reason behind his actions. Once he accepted that, he was able to nod and explain himself to the best of his abilities.

“I mentioned before that I always thought you and I were very similar. We both craved for someone to look at us, to recognize us as human beings. Like you, I’m an orphan but unlike you, I was never adopted by a caring mother. For years I had to live with an abusive foster family and, after I ran away, I ended up living on the streets and following the steps of a criminal. The only reason I was able to escape that life was because I was found by an old friend who was adopted years before. His family was rich and I all but blackmailed him into giving me money. With that I was able to get a small place to live, my high school diploma and then my community college degree. He offered more help, but I was too proud to accept anything else. In my mind he had abandoned me and I didn’t want anything to do with him.”

There was a long pause. Shen Qingqiu’s eyes unfocused, as if he was reliving every painful memory. Luo Binghe recognized the expression right away, he sometimes saw it when he looked into a mirror.

“I took the teacher job fresh out of college,” he continued after a while. “I was young and unwilling to deal with my feelings and past trauma. I heard of you almost right away: a promising young man, brilliant and athletic; all that despite your unfortunate background. It pissed me off because no one ever said anything like that to me. Still, what drove me insane was seeing you and your adoptive mother every single morning when she dropped you off. There was so much love in both of your eyes; you were so openly affectionate to her, ignoring your classmates whenever they mocked you for being a mama’s boy despite your age. You had something precious and you knew it.”

“Mr. Shen…”

“I had never experienced such kind of love. No…” he closed his eyes and shook his head. “I thought I wasn’t deserving of love. I hated you because you had everything I ever wanted. Therefore, I chose to take whatever I could from you.”

“You were jealous of me,” Luo Binghe could barely believe what he was hearing. He could’ve never imagined that someone so proud and elegant like his former teacher could’ve experienced cruelty and poverty to such extent. It made sense, now that he knew it, but it was still difficult to imagine it. How much had Shen Qingqiu lacked while growing up for him to look at Luo Binghe and yearn for what little he had?

Then again, if Luo Binghe hadn’t found his mother, or if fate had separated them before time, he wouldn’t have been too different. After all, Luo Binghe could also be resentful; he could also be cruel.

Shen Qingqiu was right. They were both very similar after all.

“I had no right to treat you the way I did. You don’t have to forgive me but I wished you believe me when I say I’m sorry.”

“I believe you,” Luo Binghe said truthfully. Shen Qingqiu was as phlegmatic and prideful as always. He would probably kill himself before spitting a fake apology.

“Thank you, Binghe.”

At that moment, Shen Qingqiu looked the most beautiful Luo Binghe had ever seen him. A tiny smile threatened to appear on his face and his cheeks had reddened out of embarrassment or the sunlight that had started to shine upon him. He looked delicate and warm, real.

Luo Binghe unconsciously leaned towards him.

“Mr. Shen! I want to go to the bathroom!”

Startled, Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu turned towards the demon who had interrupted them so rudely. Luo Binghe thanked heavens for giving him the strength to stop himself from kicking the child out of orbit.

Shen Qingqiu pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily.

“What’s the magic word, Tao?”

The child covered his mouth with both hands in a poor attempt to hide his cheeky smile. “You’re welcome!” he burst as if it was the funniest joke in the entire world.

Shen Qingqiu raised one eyebrow. The child cowered if even just a little.

“Please, Mr. Shen. I really, really need to go.”

“Fine,” he stood up. “Do you mind keeping an eye on them, Binghe? I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Yeah, sure,” he muttered.

Shen Qingqiu and the brat left the kids zone and Luo Binghe stayed on his bench hoping no other children would approach him. If they did, he would feed them to the hippos without a second thought.

Thankfully, he was left alone to dwell on his misery until Shen Qingqiu returned. Once the children saw him, they ran towards him babbling who knew what. Shen Qingqiu read the time on his wrist watch.

“No wonder you’re hungry. It is almost two o’clock.”

Shen Qingqiu ran a quick check to confirm that the kids still had all their limbs attached and then leashed them again. They left the zoo and went to the picnic zone, where Luo Binghe dropped them so he could get the cooler from the car. He welcomed the five minutes of peace it gave him, though the Styrofoam cooler was wet and slippery, making it difficult to move around.

The group had picked a table underneath a gazebo and Luo Binghe did his best to look cool and nonchalant as he dropped the cooler on a bench.

“Why didn’t you use the pull cart? I put it next to the cooler,” asked Shen Qingqiu with a smirk.

A heat wave crossed through Luo Binghe’s cheeks. He was so eager to get the thing done, he didn’t even see it.

“It’s fine. It wasn’t heavy.”

Shen Qingqiu snickered as he opened the cooler and started handing out the food which mostly consisted of sandwiches and juice boxes. Luo Binghe chose a tuna sandwich and a couple of celery sticks with peanut butter. As they ate, the children became more and more quiet. By the time they finished the apple pie slices Luo Binghe had prepared for the day, the children were barely awake. It was a struggle to take them back to the car but Luo Binghe would take the two trips he had to make ten times over even thinking about going back into the zoo. It was getting colder and he was feeling tired himself.

The trip back home was delightfully peaceful. The children fell asleep the moment they rested their heads into their seats and Shen Qingqiu looked relaxed and accomplished. Surely, the children would soon find another thing to pester him about but for now he was free. The two of them small talked all the way back. It wasn’t as intimate as their conversation at the zoo but it was still nice. As evil as Shen Qingqiu was, he was fun to be with. If it weren’t for the kids, he wouldn’t have hesitated to invite him for dinner.

Unfortunately, they had to take the children back and so he rode to the Youth Center where a couple of tutors were already waiting for them. An old lady picked one of the girls up, one young woman took two of the boys, and a third one took the remaining girl and one of the food stamp cards. She lingered as her child napped on her arms.

“Thanks you your help, Pumpkin,” the woman said before kissing Shen Qingqiu on the cheek, “I can tell she had an amazing day.”

“It’s literally my job, Gale. Besides, Binghe here helped me.”

The woman sized Luo Binghe up before grinning.

“I can see that. He looks very helpful,” her eyes twinkled and she poked Shen Qingqiu with her elbow. “You’ll have to tell me all about him.”

Feeling irrationally possessive towards Shen Qingqiu, Luo Binghe shut her down right away. “I’m literally right here.”

“Oh! A feisty one! I thought that would be your type, Pumpkin,” she giggled. “I’ll leave you two alone, then.”

The woman gave Shen Qingqiu a second kiss on the cheek and bid her goodbyes before leaving the parking lot.

“Don’t mind her,” said Shen Qingqiu as he walked back to the van to get the two remaining kids, “she has always been clingy.”

“You’ve known each other for a long time?”

Shen Qingqiu nodded as he picked one of the children up. The brat snored and drooled on Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder. “We bonded over similar experiences.”

His words left no room for further questions but convinced Luo Binghe that Shen Qingqiu only saw her as a friend. That gave him the final push he needed to pick the last child up in his arms and bring him into the building. They left the kids sleeping on the old sofas at the lobby.

“Thank you once again, Binghe. You really shouldn’t have gone through all the trouble.”

“I don’t mind. I like spending time with you.”

Shen Qingqiu looked at him intently, as if looking for proof that Luo Binghe was lying to him. He ended up nodding with approval after he couldn’t find it.

“I enjoyed myself too.”

His eyes softened and he took a small step towards him. Luo Binghe was about to do the same when the alarm on his cellphone beeped. It was ten minutes till five: time to close the bakery.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, “I have to help my mom with the store.”

“Of course. Tell her we’re very grateful for her lending us the van.”

Luo Binghe was so embarrassed, he responded with a very loud, “Will do!” before leaving the building. He scurried back into the van feeling like a seventeen year old who had just fumbled a confession. As he banged his head on the steering wheel, he wondered what was wrong with him.

He’d done all this just to break Shen Qingqiu’s heart. He wasn’t supposed to be having a good time with him, let alone yearning for his touch. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this. Shen Qingqiu was a horrible man who treated him horribly. Why, then, was his heart beating so furiously? He tried to remember all the times Shen Qingqiu hurt him. Every failed assignment, every disdainful look, every red mark. However, each time his anger stirred, he would remember Shen Qingqiu’s soft voice.

“You didn’t deserve any of that,” it said.

There was so much certainty in his words, so much honesty. Shen Qingqiu had accepted he made a mistake and was doing his best to amend it.

“What am I doing?” murmured Luo Binghe as sunset fell.

By the time he managed to return to the bakery, it was already closed and his mom was waiting for him to tell him about the trip. Luo Binghe excused himself saying he was too tired and hid in his room for the rest of the day.

The only good thing about the Blooms to Bells event was that it would keep Luo Binghe extremely busy until Saturday. There was a long list of things to prepare and bake and he wouldn’t have to think about Shen Qingqiu or, God forbid, his feelings. He spent Wednesday night reminding himself that he was an accomplished businessman; he was rich and powerful, and had no need to concern himself with anyone but his mother. Soon, he would go back to New York and would forget everything regarding Shen Qingqiu. Whether he decided to go on with his revenge or not, it wouldn’t matter. The man would become an afterthought and he could go back to his beautiful girl friends that no doubt were already missing him.

For now, he would simply focus on the preparations for the event. There was a lot to do and barely enough time. His mother was left to handle the store on her own, and he spent the entire Thursday preparing dough, glazes, and jams. Friday morning he baked the pastries and cupcakes. By noon, Luo Binghe still had to bake and decorate all the cookies. He would be lucky if he managed to sleep for a couple of hours before the event started.

At two in the afternoon, there was a knock on the door. Thinking that his mom had somehow locked herself outside, he opened it without looking into the peephole. He regretted it right away, as the person who appeared on the other side of the door was Shen Qingqiu.

By that time, Luo Binghe’s apron was covered with flour, his hair was valiantly trying to escape his hairnet and his his face was peppered with dry dough. That was no way to appear in front of his game.

“Mr. Shen?! What are you doing here?”

Shen Qingqiu gave him an unimpressed look and invited himself in. Luo Binghe gasped when he realized that the man had tied his long hair into a neat bun. Looking at the man’s pale nape felt like a sin.

“Stop calling me that,” said Shen Qingqiu as he placed his jacket on a nearby hanger, “I’m no longer your teacher.”

“I can call you Qingqiu, then?”

“Use your brain, Binghe. I know you have one.”

Luo Binghe should’ve felt insulted but for some reason Shen Qingqiu’s snarky words sounded like music to his ears.

“Unfortunately, Qingqiu, my brain is not clever enough to understand why you are here.”

“Last night I ran into your mother at the grocery store. She told me you were extremely busy with the preparations for tomorrow’s event and I thought I could help.”

“What about the children?”

“Holy agreed to take care of them until pick up time. Consider it payback for all your help this week,” Shen Qingqiu tilted his head downwards, surely trying to hide the blush that covered his cheeks. Unfortunately for him, his hair bun allowed Luo Binghe to see it in all his glory.

“How considerate,” said Luo Binghe way too focused on the long silhouette of Shen Qingqiu’s neck and the reddened glow on the top of his ears to be concerned about what he’d just said. “Well, then. We’ll have to cover you up.”

Luo Binghe took one of his extra aprons and diligently tied it around Shen Qingqiu. He had to hold in a gasp as he tightened the strings around his narrow waist, and he did his best to dismiss the indecent thoughts of his former teacher tied with red rope.

His hands trembled when he placed a hair net on top of Shen Qingqiu’s tidy hairdo. Once he finished, he cleared his throat and turned his attention to the main oven’s timer. It still had ten minutes to go.

“Do you have any experience baking?”

“Absolutely not.”

Luo Binghe couldn’t say he was surprised.

“Alright, you can help me cut the cookies into shape,” he said as he handed a tree-shaped cookie cutter.

Shen Qingqiu nodded and washed his hands thoroughly before cutting the chilled dough and placing the tiny trees over a tray. Once he ran out of space, he quickly rolled the remaining dough into a ball so he could reuse it. Shen Qingqiu took a nearby rolling pin, covered it with flour and then used it to flatten the dough. His movements were rhythmic and precise. Luo Binghe fought back the urge to place his hands on his hips.

“Are you sure you haven’t done this before?”

“I watched baking YouTube videos before coming here.”

“You’re a quick learner, then.”

“Just don’t ask me to decorate anything.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t,” Luo Binghe was already finding it difficult to restrain himself. Heaven knows what would happen if he saw Shen Qingqiu holding a piping bag or even worse… covered with glaze.

Thankfully, the timer rang and he took his second batch of cookies out. He placed those on the chiller and took out the first batch he’d made half an hour ago. He then did his best to focus on decorating them. Eventually, the repetitive task helped him relax. Even back at home he would sometimes do things like this just to unwind. It came with the added benefit of the girls loving his food. For some reason, at that moment the thought of sharing his cookies with anybody but Shen Qingqiu left a sour taste on his mouth.

“You make it look easy,” mentioned Shen Qingqiu as he admired the smiling snowmen Luo Binghe just created.

“I’ve been doing this for a long time.”

A long, comfortable, silence fell upon them. It felt so familiar and homely, Luo Binghe was surprised when Shen Qingqiu decided to break it.

“May I ask an invasive question?”

“Of course. I simply won’t answer it if I don’t want to.”

“Obviously,” Shen Qingqiu said as he made a tiny ball with the remaining dough. “It’s nothing too bad. I’m just curious about why you came back to Greenville.”

Luo Binghe stopped in his tracks. He hadn’t expected Shen Qingqiu to know that he had left Greenville in the first place. However he responded, it could change everything between them. One part of him wanted to be honest and move forward, and another, more stubborn, more resentful, wanted to stop himself from giving Shen Qingqiu the upper hand. In the end, he made a compromise: he decided to lie by omission.

“How much do you know about what happened to me after high school?” he asked hoping his question would sound like someone trying to find the best place to start a story, and not what it was: someone trying to find out how much the other person knew so he could turn the situation to his favor.

“I know you were found by your biological father and that he helped you get into a fancy New York university.” All that was true. It had certainly been a serendipitous affair, like a story line taken from a soap opera or one of those fairy tales his mom used to read him as a child.

Back then, once he accepted he wouldn’t be able to enroll in college on time, Luo Binghe took a part time job at a mechanic shop in the outskirts of town. Who would’ve thought that his father’s car would break down just ten minutes from there and that he would come into the shop and recognize him right away? Apparently, Luo Binghe looked just like his biological mother, who had died while giving birth.

After some DNA testing and document tracking, Luo Binghe was convinced that yes, this demented man was his father. The man hadn’t been particularly interested in his newfound son but that didn’t stop him for being generous. As Shen Qingqiu already knew, he offered to pay for Luo Binghe’s college and then he allowed him to use his contacts to introduce himself into the business world. Now, Luo Binghe considered himself completely independent from him, but the truth was that his father’s help allowed him to give his adoptive mother her own business in a very short amount of time. At moments, he would even say he was grateful for him… when he wasn’t being a complete maniac, of course.

“My father is extravagant,” it was easy for Luo Binghe to say, “I couldn’t bond with him and he had no interest in changing that. I’m not sure what happened between him and my biological mother but I think he resents her for leaving without telling him about my existence. His wallet was always open for me but his door wasn’t. New York is fun, there’s always hustle and bustle, always something to do and somewhere to run to, but it can also be a very lonely place.”

He hated to admit that he wasn’t lying. Loneliness was the reason he always had someone in his bed, why he would keep sycophants by his side, why he called home every other day. Mobei Jun was loyal. Sha Hualing was useful. Still, he didn’t consider them his friends. They were means to an end, he thought, and as such they couldn’t quench his thirst for warmth and approval. He always thought the next tier at his job would do that, the next pretty girl hanging from his arm, the next new car he bought. Unfortunately, the satisfaction would never come. It was always a race for the best next thing and the truth was he was getting tired from it.

“Greenville is boring,” he continued, “but my mom is here and I enjoy helping her at the store. I feel less lonely here.”

“I think,” Shen Qingqiu said, his voice soft and mellow, “that loneliness is not about a place. It’s more about how you live your life. I felt lonely growing up in Greenville and I felt lonely when I moved to Portland. It took years of therapy for me to acknowledge that the people around me cared about me. Things got easier once I learned to reach out to them and to accept their help. I thought I would feel lonely coming back here, but I didn’t, and I think it’s because I got to meet you once again.”

Luo Binghe’s heart raced and he felt weak on the knees, as if they had just turned into butter.

“You helped me too, Qingqiu. You make this place shine.”

Shen Qingqiu blushed once more. This time more intensely than ever, making him match beautifully with the candy cane apron he was wearing.

“Brat,” he huffed, “aren’t we working against time? Stop being so sappy and keep on decorating!”

“Alright, alright, Mr. Shen,” he teased, “you were the one who brought this up in the first place!”

They spent the rest of the evening baking and decorating cookies. Shen Qingqiu was so helpful, they were able to finish the last batch of gingerbread men before ten.

“Thank you very much, Qingqiu. Thanks to you I’ll be able to have a full night sleep before the event starts.”

“Good. It would be useless if you fell asleep at the stand,” he removed the apron and threw away his hairnet.

“You’ll come to see me tomorrow, won’t you?”

“As if I could miss the chance for free cookies.”

Luo Binghe beamed. “Of course! I’ll give you one of each! Now let’s go. I’ll drive you home.”

“Don’t worry about that. It’s late and you have to rest.”

“But…”

“It’s just a five minute walk, I’ll survive.”

“Alright, but text me once you get there.”

“There’s no need but I will.”

Luo Binghe was hoping for a chance to kiss Shen Qingqiu goodbye but his brain short circuited the moment he opened the door and a freezing gush of wind came into the kitchen.

“It’s too cold, Qingqiu. Please let me—”

“It’s fine,” said Shen Qingqiu as he passed by him. He was already bundled in his jacket, beanie and scarf, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Luo Binghe wanted to keep the door open until Shen Qingqiu went out of sight but it was too cold to do so. He had to close the door right away. Feeling defeated, he leaned onto the door and slowly slid down until he was sitting on the floor.

Just a couple of hours ago he was certain he would soon go back to New York and forget about Shen Qingqiu. Now, he was not only convinced he couldn’t go through his revenge plan, but he was even reconsidering leaving Greenville at all!

He had an excellent savings account. He enjoyed working at the bakery. His mother would love for him to stay. It would be easy to stay here, to help Shen Qingqiu with the children at the Youth Center, to build a new life with him. They could visit the farmers market in spring, visit the beach in summer, hike during fall, make s’mores in the fireplace during winter. It sounded delightful, yet terribly different from what he thought he wanted in life.

Would he be able to endure it? What would happen if he got bored after one month? One year? Would he be able to leave Shen Qingqiu then? Could he ever convince him to leave Greenville with him?

Could all those images even come to life? Wasn’t he building a castle in the sky? They weren’t officially together. Why, then, was his brain showering him with pictures of them together on a sleigh ride? He was going insane and he feared he would never come back from it.

The sounds of steps brought him back to reality.

“Are you okay, Binghe?”

His mother was already on her pajamas; she must’ve come down to check on him before going to bed.

“It’s nothing, mom,” he said as he stood up. “I’m just tired.”

“You worked hard, son.”

Luo Binghe closed his eyes and sighed when the woman hugged him. Her touch was so warm and comforting he wondered why would he ever want to be away from her. He had to blink several times to hold back the tears in his eyes.

“I’m glad Mr. Shen helped you. You would still be baking otherwise.”

“You’re saying that as if it wasn’t you who came up with the idea.”

“Can you blame me? You like him so much, I wanted to give you two a little push.”

“Mom…”

“I’m not blind, Binghe. Even as a teenager you fell for him right away. That’s why his actions hurt you so much. That’s why I was so glad when you forgave him. He must like you too. He wouldn’t have helped you otherwise.”

Luo Binghe shook his head.

“That doesn’t matter. Soon I’ll return to New York and it’ll be over.”

“Does it have to be that way, Binghe? I think he could make you very happy.”

“I am happy,” he said despite his heart claiming otherwise, “I love my job and the money it pays.”

“But you love baking too, and money isn’t everything in life.”

“It’s not, mom, but it’s necessary. I won’t quit my job and move here just because of a little crush. Life is not a Hallmark movie.”

“I know, Binghe,” she embraced him again and he allowed himself to hold her back, “I’m just being a silly old woman. I just want you to know I’ll support whatever decision you make, and that I’ll be here regardless of the outcome.”

Luo Binghe wanted to thank her but the knot in his throat kept him from it. He just held tighter and wished for the strength to endure whatever was to come.

The next day, Luo Binghe woke up at five a.m. after a long sleepless night. Hoping that would dissipate his worries, he eagerly began the preparations for the Blooms to Bells event. It took a long time to fill the van with the decorations and utensils they would use at the stand. Aside from the things he’d bought at the hardware store some days ago, his mother selected an extra pile of ornaments. Luo Binghe was unsure they could fit all of them at the tiny stall but he would try anyways. While he drove to the plaza where the event would take place, his mother stayed back at the bakery to finish packing all the treats they’d prepared.

Decorating the stall and placing the treats on the counter was, indeed, a good distraction. His mind busied with the best way to hang the garlands and the least dangerous way to plug the four Christmas light lines his mother insisted to place. It took the entire morning to set everything up and they barely had time to eat lunch before the guests started filling up the square in front of the town hall. Still, the chaos didn’t unleash until five in the afternoon, when most of the families arrived. Children and parents formed a long line in front of their counter. Most of the pastries were free samples, but it still took forever to serve them. Apparently, the customers were even more overwhelmed by options when they knew they didn’t have to pay for them.

Luckily, the rush didn’t last long. Once their hunger was satiated, most of the costumers went on to enjoy the afternoon skating on ice or listening to the unknown music groups the city hired to play. By the time the sun set, there were few people left around the stalls. It was only then that Shen Qingqiu deigned to show up.

He looked soft and cozy underneath the yellow lights of the plaza. His head was covered with a green pom beanie and he was wearing a bulky lime green jacket. Luo Binghe fought the urge to make a blanket burrito out of him.

“Good afternoon, Qingqiu. What can I serve you?”

Shen Qingqiu’s hands remained in his pockets. He simply pointed with his nose the trays with the remaining cookies.

“I was promised one of each.”

Luo Binghe smiled.

“Of course!” he said as he filed a tin box with the treats. The holiday tin was meant to be free only for customers who ordered more than fifteen dollars but he had planned to give one to Shen Qingqiu since the very beginning. He also added a couple of apple turnovers and a matcha donut. When Shen Qingqiu noticed the extras, he tried to pay for them but Luo Binghe said it was on the house. After the man insisted for a second time, his mother took the chance to jump in.

“Don’t be silly, Mr. Shen. Consider it payment for yesterday’s help. You and Binghe worked very hard,” she turned towards his son. “And you, Binghe, you’ve been out and working since dawn. Why don’t you take a break and show Mr. Shen around? I can handle on my own.”

“Are you sure, mom?”

“Of course! I’m not old enough to succumb to a couple of nightly customers.”

“Alright, thank you, mom. Call me if you need any help,” he kissed his mother on the crown of her head, removed his hair net and changed his apron for a jacket. He then walked outside the stall, where Shen Qingqiu was already waiting for him.

“Are you sure this is alright?” He said quietly as he hung the plastic bag with the tin box around his left arm.

“My mom insists. There’s no way to fight against her. Shall we?” He offered his left arm and Shen Qingqiu hesitantly wrapped his own around it.

“I’ve never come to this event before,” said Shen Qingqiu as they walked around the plaza, “it’s not bad for a suburban hell hole.”

Luo Binghe laughed out loud at Shen Qingqiu’s words. Why wouldn’t he? He was thinking the exact same thing.

“It’s not the Rockefeller Center, but it’s festive enough. They’ll light the Christmas tree in half an hour.”

“That’ll be too crowded. I was thinking we could go to the botanical garden instead.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

A trolley that took people from and to the garden was set up for the event, but it was so close, the pair decided to walk. That way they could avoid the screaming children and the buzzed teenagers.

“I hope the event turned out the way you expected,” said Shen Qingqiu as they walked arm in arm. Luo Binghe smiled contently as he followed the sway of their bodies. Every now and then a gush of wind would make them shiver, but soon the closeness would warm them up again.

“It was good; lots of sales. Hopefully it’ll bring new customers to the bakery.”

“Your food is the best presentation card you could have. I’m sure people will rush in as soon as they accept they’ll never reach their ‘get in shape’ resolutions.”

“I’m glad you enjoy the food I make.”

Shen Qingqiu humphed.

“You are a baker, Luo Binghe. The least you could do is bake decent cookies.”

“Are they just decent?”

“Don’t fish for compliments. It’s unbecoming.”

“Much more than decent, then.”

Shen Qingqiu shoved him and he would’ve stumbled if they hadn’t been linked together. Luo Binghe hummed with satisfaction as Shen Qingqiu held him tightly.

“Qingqiu…”

“We’re here.”

Luo Binghe almost winced at Shen Qingqiu’s seemingly cold words. However, he recovered the moment he noticed the blush on his cheeks. They glowed underneath the lights of the garden’s entryway; he had to fight the urge of pinching them.

Greenville’s botanical garden was very small; just one block worth of bushes, fountains and pathways. Usually, Luo Binghe would describe it as sad, but the Christmas decorations made it look much more exciting. Colorful lights illuminated the pathways and bushes, and several led decorations filled the otherwise withered spaces. There were only a handful of visitors left. Surely most of them had left to see the lighting up of the town hall’s Christmas tree. It was easy to imagine that he and Shen Qingqiu were the only people left at the dim lit garden. They found a bench illuminated by the central Christmas tree and sat down.

The green lights of the tree accentuated Shen Qingqiu’s pom beanie. His cheeks were still red, more from his flush than from the cold, and his arms held Luo Binghe closely, surely using the weather as an excuse. He looked adorably cute and Luo Binghe was silly enough to say it out loud.

“I’m not cute,” Shen Qingqiu defended himself as if he had just been insulted.

“Beautiful, then.”

“You really are shameless,” his words were meant to be abrasive but Luo Binghe could see the bashfulness behind them. It was clear that Shen Qingqiu was not used to flatter, whether because he ran away from it or because his acerbic personality drew people away. Luo Binghe puffed with pride knowing that not only he accepted his cheesy words but that he seemed eager to listen to them, even if he tried to pretend otherwise.

“I’m very glad I met you again, Qingqiu,” said Luo Binghe. He reluctantly let go Shen Qingqiu’s arm and raised his hand towards his face. He placed his index finger underneath his chin and slightly tilted it upwards. Shen Qingqiu tensed for a second but he then closed his eyes. Acknowledging the invitation for what it was, Luo Binghe moved forward and…

His cellphone rung.

Startled by the sound, they jumped on their seats and separated.

Luo Binghe took his cellphone out of his pocket and was about to throw it into the closest water fountain when he read Mobei Jun’s name on the screen. He wouldn’t call him so late and during the holidays unless there was something bad going on.

“I’m sorry. I have to take this.”

Shen Qingqiu furrowed his eyebrows but nodded. Luo Binghe stood up and walked away as much as he could without looking too suspicious.

“What is it?” he said right after answering the phone.

“I apologize for calling at this hour but we’re having troubles with Huan Hua Industries.”

Luo Binghe wasn’t surprised. The CEO of that company was a demanding old man used to always have his way. Before going on holidays, he thought they had finally agreed on the new campaign for his company but he should’ve known that they would have one more ridiculous request before the year ended.

“The old coot will have a Christmas dinner on Monday 22nd. He says you must attend and that only there will he sign the new contract. I told him you weren’t in New York but he insisted. He said he wouldn’t sign a thing unless you’re there.”

“That asshole…”

“His daughter will be there too. I think he wants to pin her to you.”

“I’m not interested.”

“He doesn’t care.”

Luo Binghe sighed.

“Fine,” he said, “tell him I’ll be there. I’ll fly back tomorrow.”

“Understood.”

Mobei Jun hung up but Luo Binghe stared at his phone for a long time before he remembered he wasn’t alone. He trotted back to Shen Qingqiu who was already shivering with cold.

“I’m sorry, Qingqiu; I have to go.”

“Is something wrong?”

“There was an electrical malfunction at the stand,” he lied, “the Christmas lights short circuited and my mom needs help with the fuses.”

“I see…” said Shen Qingqiu. “I’ll help you out, then.”

“It’s okay. We’ll probably pack everything up once that’s done. It’s been a long day.”

Shen Qingqiu narrowed his eyes. He must’ve suspected something was off but for some reason he decided to let it pass.

“If you insist.”

“Let me get you an Uber.”

“I can get an Uber myself, Luo Binghe.”

“Please...”

“Go help your mother.”

Suddenly, Luo Binghe felt as if he was back in high school, when he was a stupid young boy still hoping to please his strict teacher. Things hadn’t changed as much as he’d wished.

“I’ll…” he muttered, “I’ll text you later, okay?”

Shen Qingqiu didn’t look at him. He just nodded and unlocked his cellphone to order a cab. For a moment, Luo Binghe thought about calling Mobei Jun and telling him to forget about Huan Hua, but then he remembered that the project would bring over two hundred thousand dollars in revenue. He couldn’t afford to lose it, especially after how hard they’ve worked to get that contract signed.

He muttered a halfhearted goodbye and ran out of the garden and towards the town hall plaza.

After Luo Binghe’s date abruptly ended, he went straight back to the bakery’s stand. By that time the event was almost over and he packed the van without explaining himself to his mother. She was understandably worried but Luo Binghe simply said something unexpected had come up and that he would have to work that night. At that moment she accepted his son’s excuse, but as soon as they met for dinner, she doubled down on her questioning.

“What happened, Binghe?”

“Bad news at work. I have to meet with a customer on Monday; that means I’ll have to fly out tomorrow.”

“Oh, Binghe...”

“I’m sorry, mom. I know I said I would spend Christmas Eve with you but this client is very important.”

“Will you come back after the meeting?”

Luo Binghe held his breath. He had already purchased a one way ticket to New York; he didn’t plan to come back. The only reason he’d come to Greenville in the first place was to help with the Blooms to Bells event and that was done. There was no reason for him to stay.

Luo Binghe’s silence spoke volumes.

“What about Mr. Shen?”

“What about him?”

“You like each other so much. Are you really going to leave him?”

“He’ll be fine. It’s not like we’re officially dating or anything.”

“Will you at least say goodbye?”

“I’ll send him a text explaining myself.”

“Luo Binghe,” he startled at his mother’s stern tone, “I didn’t raise a coward. If you’re so determined to leave him you should at least tell him in person.”

His mother was a very soft spoken woman. Luo Binghe could count the times she raised her voice on the fingers of one hand. Still, he couldn’t find it in himself to listen. It would be much easier to follow his original plan and break Shen Qingqiu’s heart. He should’ve never drifted from it in the first place.

“I will if I have time,” he said, “but I booked an early flight and I might not have the chance to.”

His mother pinched her mouth. She seemed eager to continue arguing but she must’ve known it was useless. They spent the rest of their meal in silence.

“I’m on my way to Raleigh now,” said Luo Binghe as he entered the highway. “I expect to land at JFK at three.”

“I’ll send someone to pick you up,” Mobei Jun’s voice sounded gruffier than usual through the car’s speakers. Luo Binghe raised the volume.

“No need. I’m not going straight home,” he was eager for a drink. He didn’t party whenever he visited his mother and he was craving to let himself go even if it was for one night.

“Whatever. Just be in time for the dinner.”

“Will do.”

Mobei Jun cut the call and Luo Binghe focused on the GPS to reach Raleigh’s airport. He still had more than an hour to go but he purposefully left to the airport five hours before his flight. He didn’t want to spend one more minute at his mother’s house. She didn’t insist on him talking to Shen Qingqiu anymore but he could tell she wanted to. The situation was too troublesome and he chose to run away from his problems. It was easier this way. There was no point worrying about it.

He was about to turn the radio on when his cellphone chimed. It was a new text message. Thinking it would be Mobei Jun, he gave the car app the command to read it.

“From Mr. Shen: Is everything okay?” the monotone computer voice said. Luo Binghe was so surprised, he almost lost control of the car. After what happened at the botanical garden, he hadn’t expected Shen Qingqiu to reach out to him. He thought he would be angry at him, making this ordeal easier on everybody. Surprisingly, the man had swallowed his pride and texted him when he least expected.

Luo Binghe had planned to text him before boarding his plane but he guessed this was the second best time to do so. He pulled off the highway and parked at the first parking lot he found. By the time he turned off the car, there were two more messages.

I saw the bakery will be closed for the year.

Can we meet before that?

Three minutes had passed since the last text. Luo Binghe held the phone and prepared a response in his mind but before he could find the right words, there was another series of texts.

You shouldn’t have said you would text if you weren’t going to.

Did I do something wrong or did you simply got tired of me?

The last two messages were deleted after just a couple of seconds.

Luo Binghe could see the picture clear as day: Shen Qingqiu staring intently into his phone, unsure of what went wrong. He would be angry and sad at the same time, second guessing himself. Was he overreacting? Was Luo Binghe okay? Perhaps he was still recuperating from the event. Perhaps he was just toying with him.

Luo Binghe felt a pang in his chest. Shen Qingqiu wasn’t good with people but he still tried to be. He took a risk and found someone he could relate to and be open with. Regardless, Luo Binghe ended up ignoring him and he couldn’t even imagine why.

“I thought I would feel lonely coming back here,” Shen Qingqiu had said, “but I didn’t, and I think it is because I got to meet you once again.

Shen Qingqiu was lonely but now he felt at home.

Shen Qingqiu also made Luo Binghe feel at home.

He made a decision. He turned the car on and sent a text before driving back to Greenville.

I’m on my way. What’s your address?

“What’s the meaning of this, Luo Binghe?”

Shen Qingqiu opened the door just a couple of seconds after Luo Binghe ringed his doorbell. He was wearing a long white knitted sweater over a pair of gray leggings. He had tied his hair on a loose pigtail and wore a headband around his forehead to keep the shorter strands of hair from his face. He looked softer than ever and Luo Binghe jumped at the chance to hold him.

“What are you doing?!” the man fussed as he scurried away from his embrace. “The neighbors will see! Come!”

He took Luo Binghe by the hand and pulled him into the house. The place was big and well lit, and several pictures decorated the wall. Shen Qingqiu looked comfortable here; as if he belonged. Luo Binghe knew right away he could never separate him from this place.

“I’m sorry, Qingqiu. I really wanted to hold you.”

“Whatever, just explain yourself. What on earth is going on?”

“Perhaps it would be better if we sat down.”

Shen Qingqiu snarled but walked towards the couch.

“Well?” he asked taking a seat. “What are you waiting for?”

Luo Binghe quickly followed suit and sat next to him.

“I’m sorry, Qingqiu. I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

“What do you mean?”

Luo Binghe took a deep breath and mustered all his courage to confess.

“I don’t live in Greenville. I just came here to help my mother through the holiday rush. The truth is I stayed in New York after college and I’ve lived there ever since.”

Shen Qingqiu gasped and eyes shut wide open.

“What?”

“I didn’t mean for things to turn out like this, but the more time I spent with you, the deeper I fell. I was a coward and I didn’t tell you the truth because that would mean we would have to part ways.”

Even then Luo Binghe dared not to be completely honest. How could he tell this man he approached him just because he wanted to hurt him? There was no point on him knowing that. He’d hurt him enough already.

“Yesterday’s call was from a coworker,” he continued. “He told me I had to go back to New York right away to meet a client. That brought me back to reality and I panicked. However, when I tried to leave you behind I soon discovered I couldn’t. I love you Qingqiu so please, please let me stay by your side here, in Greenville.”

Luo Binghe nervously waited for an answer, but it took forever for Shen Qingqiu to speak.

“You don’t live here,” he finally said, “you never did.”

“I don’t. I’m sorry.”

Shen Qingqiu sighed and curved his body forwards before covering his face with both hands. For a moment, Luo Binghe thought he was about to cry.

“Thank goodness!” Exclaimed Shen Qingqiu with the relief of a man who had just found an oasis in the middle of the desert.

“Huh?”

“I can’t believe I was going too…” he straightened back up. “No! I was definitely not going to!”

“Qingqiu?”

“I also live in New York.”

“What?!”

Shen Qingqiu crossed his arms over his chest and nodded.

“I moved there a couple of years ago, when the news agency I work at moved its headquarters from Portland.”

“Then… your work at the Youth Center?”

Shen Qingqiu blushed.

“I’m doing community service,” he explained. “Back at home I was groped by an asshole and I beat him into a pulp. Since it was in a public space I was charged with a misdemeanor. One of my old friends mentioned she needed help taking care of her daughter during the holidays and I thought it was a good way to kill two birds with one stone. I convinced the judge to let me serve in North Carolina and, well… I’m stuck here for the rest of the year.”

“And this place?”

“Airbnb.”

“That means…” Luo Binghe pondered for a moment. Then, the epiphany came in with full force, “when you said you were about to do something, that meant you were planning to move down here with me.”

“Don’t be stupid! I like my job and I love the city. Why would I move to a place where the most exiting thing you can do is going to Walmart?” He wrinkled his nose. “I was just planning to do home office for a couple of months to see if this worked out.”

“But now you know you don’t have to do that.”

“I still have sixty hours to go but once I’m done, I’m out of here. We can meet again in New York.”

“Sixty hours? You really kicked that pervert’s ass, didn’t you?” He rested his forehead against Shen Qingqiu’s. “I’m glad you did, and I’m glad we can stay together.”

He embraced Shen Qingqiu once again, not without any less desperation. His lithe figure fit perfectly in his arms and he wondered if his lips would do the same. He closed his eyes and tilted his mouth forward, grinning triumphantly when his lips found Shen Qingqiu’s. Luo Binghe had kissed many people before but none of them felt like this: tender, warm and incredibly earnest. Shen Qingqiu was the realest person he’d ever been with. He eagerly gave himself to him but demanded the same in exchange. It was more than lust; it was possessiveness and selfishness. Luo Binghe wanted to taste every single drop of it.

Unfortunately, he had a flight to take. He reluctantly separated from Shen Qingqiu.

“I’m sorry. My plane leaves in four hours and I still have to drive to Raleigh,” Shen Qingqiu huffed. His lips were red and wet and Luo Binghe reached in for a peck. “I’ll return once I have that damned contract signed. Then we’ll spend New Year’s Eve at a ski villa.”

“I don’t like the cold,” pouted Shen Qingqiu, “take me to a spa.”

“I’ll take you to the nicest resort in the Piedmont.”

It took three tries for Luo Binghe to let Shen Qingqiu go. Together, they walked towards the main door.

“Don’t ghost me this time, okay?” Said Shen Qingqiu. “You better text me the moment you land.”

“I will, I promise. I’ll call you every day,” he kissed him again. “I’ll try to fly back on Wednesday but in case I can’t: merry Christmas, Qingqiu.”

“Don’t be sappy,” Shen Qingqiu huffed. “Merry Christmas to you too… I guess.”

Luo Binghe laughed and Shen Qingqiu retaliated by opening the door and kicking him out of the house. That only made Luo Binghe smile wider.

Christmas really was the most wonderful time of the year!