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Today was the day everyone on Greek Row had been waiting for...
The kegs were tapped; Shot glasses were filled to the brim; Solo had a sudden profit boost in the days leading into the events.
Each Greek house was represented. The men and women of SU's Greek Row stood in their respective groups, shit-talking to gain an upper-hand in the upcoming events.
Ten houses ready to bring back glory to their organizations. Fifty chosen warriors ready to do battle in the name of honor, beer, and... beer.
DJ Juice turned up the music. "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi kicked in. The host of tonight's events, wearing a bowtie, skinny jeans, dark and glittery sunglasses, and not much else, Drake Maverick - the often underappreciated mascot for the SU football team - took center-stage with a microphone in his hand.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am your host for the evening," Maverick spoke clear, prideful, to make sure everyone heard him. "You may know me by many names, but, tonight, you may call me Rockstar Spud!"
Spud held silent to soak in the cheers from his peers.
"Now... let's get down to business," Spud continued. "There are ten teams competing. Each event scores out of ten - there are ten events for a possible total of one-hundred points! The winning team receives bragging rights, a party of their chosen theme right here at Roaddogg's Funtime Emporium, and the coveted Beer Olympics trophy - as well as gold, silver, and bronze medals."
Spud took a moment to let the crowd cheer on the festivities. He took a deep breath, soaking in the response, but also trying to focus with four shots of vodka flowing through his brain.
"One last time... THIS! IS! BEER! OLYMPICS!"
The crowd exploded into a frenzy. The young men and women of Greek Row were ready to do battle, one beer at a time.
Beer Pong
A simple ten-team single-elimination style tournament, with the top three teams earning a medal and the most points. After a random drawing that sparked several arguments, Delta Delta Delta, Alpha Iota Delta, Psi Phi Pi, and Kappa Sigma had to play first while the other six teams received first round "byes."
Delta Delta Delta is a lesser-known sorority on campus. Most of its active members were athletes involved outside the school's usual athletic program. DDD President, Jordynne Grace, paired herself with sorority sister Aliyah James.
Alpha Iota Delta stepped up to the plate with President Johnny Gargano and brother Keith Lee, who also happened to be one of the cooks at Roadies.
"This some favoritism bullshit!" Xavier Woods called out from the crowd.
Keith collected a ping-pong ball from one of the official referees (Jake Hager, who was already half-in-the-bag).
"No need for such vulgar language," Keith spoke eloquently like a scholar preaching the good word. "This is a time of unity. We must look forward to the future, and what this event brings us as a community."
Jordynne scoffed. "Hey, Keith, look forward to these..."
With a sudden pull of her top, Jordynne dipped the neckline to expose her breasts to her opponents and the surrounding crowd.
"Holy shit!" Johnny and Keith said at the same time.
"BEER OLYMPICS!" Spud screamed into the microphone, baiting a massive roar from the crowd.
It came down to two cups DDD, to one cup AID. Keith sank one cup, with Johnny following suit. Aliyah made her shot with ease but Jordynne hit rim to end the game early for DDD.
Psi Phi Pi and Kappa Sigma stepped up next. Tommaso Ciampa shocked the Greek world when he revealed he was playing alone. Dexter Lumis stood beside social media activist/podcaster Joe Gacy, who bore an unnerving smile and drank straight from a bottle of gin.
Ciampa held his own for a while, going unanswered in the first few rounds. Gacy rallied and sank his next three shots in a row, setting himself "on fire" to earn the ability to keep making shots until he missed.
Down to one cup, Ciampa aimed for the middle of the three-cup triangle on the other side of the table. One ball sank straight in. Ciampa's second shot landed in one cup, skipped out, then landed in another.
"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!" Ciampa screamed out to the roaring audience.
Kap Sig advanced after Lumis and Gacy failed to answer Ciampa's comeback.
The main bracket was now set. In the first round, Beta Pi Omega faced Alpha Iota Delta, Omicron Pi battled Sigma Nu, Delta Xi Alpha went toe-to-toe with Mu Nu Chi, and Kappa Sig drew Zeta Beta Zeta.
Brothers Dozer and Ambrose took the stage for BPO. The boys of House Beta Pi Omega wore matching blue camouflage pants, military-style vests, and black war paint. It was a time for unity but this was a competition afterall.
Johnny and Keith stood on the opposite end of the table. They had just come of their game with DDD, which could be an advantage if they kept their hot streak alive.
Ambrose saw an opportunity and took it. "Yo, Keith! You sure you're in the right fraternity?"
Ambrose braced for a riot but nearly fell over when Sigma Nu erupted in cheers.
"Why does everyone keep asking that?" Johnny shot back. "I don't get it! What's wrong with Keith?"
Ambrose opened his mouth to respond but caught several Sigma Nu brothers telling him to sit this one out.
"President E, when he was merely a brother, stole my tater tots," Keith told the (Greek) world, a single tear spilling from his eye.
Ambrose turned to his partner. "Are the tater tots really THAT good?"
"OH YEAH!" Otis triumphantly declared.
The game went back and forth for a few rounds until Otis rallied and used a "bounce shot" to take away two cups. Ambrose sealed the victory with a large arch shot sinking dead center.
Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston weren't sure if they were supposed to be terrified or aroused... or both. Rhea Ripley and Tegan Nox of Omicron Pi stepped up to the plate in matching black-on-black baseball jerseys.
A wild shot from Woods landed in Rhea's personal cup of beer.
"That's a 'social!'" Spud announced, meaning everyone, including the people not playing, had to toast the games and take a drink.
Tegan sank her shot. Rhea spat the ball from her mouth, making it bounce, and sinking it in the same cup Tegan made.
"YO!" Kofi exclaimed in disbelief. "That's three cups, boy! That's three!"
Woods was in utter shock. "Did... did we just lose to OP?"
Rhea finished off her cup. "Wankers!" She hissed before filtering into the celebration with her house.
"They really are 'OP'," Woods stated, earning a nod from Kofi.
Tiffany Stratton and Nattie Neidhart of DXA stepped up against Arianna Grace and Heather Elegance, representing Mu Nu Chi.
MNC's matching sundresses caught the eye of several. DXA thought they would win the crowd with their low-cut, cleavage appealing sorority shirts, but the massive jeers would argue differently.
Tiffany sank three in a row and took it for all it was worth. In one turn, she single-handily eliminated each cup until MNC was taken out of the tournament.
Arianna tried the gentle approach. "Wonderful job, DXA. I do hope we can-"
"It's Tiffy Time, bitch!" Tiffany barked, chugging the rest of her beer.
Half the men's side of Greek Row cheered for Tiffany, specifically BPO Alternative Darby Allin.
"I like her," Darby said.
"Shut up," Ambrose shot back, lightly nudging Darby with his elbow.
Ciampa squared off against Becky and Ruby Soho. The married duo saw an opportunity to "psych out" their opponent and took it.
Ruby shoved her tongue down her wife's throat. Becky, taken by surprise but not offended, grabbed a handful of her wife's ass.
Ciampa sank his next shot. "Ice in my veins!" He told the cheers and catcalls.
Ruby's eyes fell south to the tent in Ciampa's army fatigues. "Yeah... ice."
In the end, with one sloppy miss from Ciampa, Becky made the game-winning shot with her hand still firmly gripping her wife's ass.
"FUCK!" Ciampa screamed, grabbing his pitcher of beer and heading for the Kap Sig section.
More catcalls followed as the wives shared a victory kiss going into the second round.
BPO stood across from OP. Ambrose couldn't wipe the smirk off his face if he tried, and Rhea played right along by flicking her eyebrows and licking her lips.
"I am ROCK HARD right now!" Ambrose let his opponents know.
Rhea fired back with a hell of an offer. "I'll let you dick me pregnant if you throw the game..."
"DON'T DO IT, AMBROSE!" Called out someone from the crowd.
Ambrose glanced at Otis. "I mean..."
Otis rapidly shook his head.
Ambrose had to agree. "Yeah, you're right..."
Otis carried this round, sinking several shots in a row. Tegan missed every shot except for a few "socials." Rhea was one miss away from blowing a gasket.
In the end, Ambrose won it for BPO with one last sinker to settle it.
Ambrose shook hands with his opponents. "Good shit, guys," he told both girls.
Rhea leaned in. "I'll still let you dick me pregnant."
Ambrose tried to play it cool with a chuckle and a sip of beer. All blood rushing south suddenly gave him a headache.
ZBZ took on DXA next. Tiffany was approaching irresponsible levels of intoxication but still managed to play a great game.
Becky and Ruby answered back each time Nattie or Tiffany sank their shots. The game came down to the literal last cup on each side.
"You got this, baby," Ruby told her wife to hype her up. "You're the best wife and foster mom a chick could ask for. I love your quinoa casseroles. I love waking up to that ass in my lap because GAH DAMN, baby!"
Becky chuckled and rolled her eyes. The affirmation words did the trick as she sank her last shot.
Ruby was up next. Just as she took aim, one of Tiffany's breasts was suddenly exposed.
"Jesus Christ!" Ruby commented. She thought she was about to get an earful for missing and checking out another girl, but burst into laughter when she realized Becky was staring slack-jawed, too.
Nattie missed her shot and Tiffany knocked DXA out by barely grazing the cup.
The finals came down to familiar allies: Beta Pi Omega and Zeta Beta Zeta.
"Mother. Fuckers." Ambrose slowly shook his head but couldn't be happier to see his friends.
"Bitch," Ruby and Becky said at the same time, then shared a chuckle and nudged each other.
The game was evenly contested until the final shot came when Otis bounced a ball off the rim that sent it back his direction.
"BAGAHH!" Otis exclaimed, diving for the ping pong ball.
Becky and Ruby made no attempt to retrieve the ball. Otis landed on the floor with a thud that shook the room and made the crowd groan in unison.
"Please don't dent the floor!" Hangman called over from the bar.
Otis earned a final shot with his save. With all of BPO cheering him on, Brother Dozer sank the game-winning shot.
"YEAH!" Ambrose screamed, peppering kisses over Otis' head and face. "I LOVE YOU, BIG MAN!"
"Oh, yeah!" Otis air-thrusted, soaking in the admiration from his peers.
BPO - 10
ZBZ - 9
DXA - 8
OP - 8
AID - 6
Sigma Nu - 6
MNC - 6
Kap Sig - 6
DDD - 1
PPP - 1
Towers
It was a simple enough game: drink fast and don't spill.
A "tower" in terms of this specific game consisted of one glass of beer, a mixed drink, a "bomb," and a shot. The objective was to drink all four as fast as humanly possible without spilling, throwing up, or refusing to continue.
One competitor from each house was selected by their teams. To make things fair, each "tower" was exactly the same: light beer, vodka cranberry, a "cherry bomb" (cherry liquor and RedBull), and a shot of blackberry brandy.
Ambrose pleaded his case to his teammates. "I mean, if this isn't my game, I don't know what is."
Reigns nodded his head. "That's true. Dean used to crush twelve packs in a few minutes. And that's when we were kids."
Team Captain Ryder looked at their youngest player. "I dunno. Dozer might be a safe bet, too."
Otis' beady eyes suddenly widened. He couldn't believe the opportunity presented to him in front of a sea of his peers.
Rollins spoke up. "Yeah, man. Dozer drank a fifth of Jack, did a cartwheel, then ran to Spicolli's and back to pick up pizzas when everyone was too drunk to drive."
Ambrose turned to the stout lineman. "Dozer..."
Otis stood up at attention like a military man.
"You think you can bring ten points home to the boys?" Ambrose asked, intentionally choosing words to hype up the younger man.
Otis rapidly nodded like he just ripped a 'speedball.' "OH YEAH!" He proudly declared, pumping his fist like he was pulling a truck horn.
Otis stood at the ready. The beer was stacked on the bottom with a drink coaster on top to build a base for the mixed drink. Another coaster held up the bomb, then one more for the shot.
Rockstar Spud held up his hand, a stopwatch at the ready. He threw his hand down and hit the button to start the time.
Like the Flash's alcoholic cousin, Brother Dozer tore through the tower like his life depended on it. He threw back the shot without flinching. The bomb was down his gullet in record time. The mixed drink stood no chance. The beer flowed down into Otis' belly with the ease of slamming a glass of water.
"SIX SECONDS FLAT!"
BPO erupted in cheers. Otis staggered but was pulled into celebratory hype for the insane time.
Kap Sig's Eddy Thorpe cleaned the table in 8.23 seconds - still impressive but not nearly quick enough to take the top spot.
PPP showed prowess and promise when Dexter Lumis killed the tower in a little over seven seconds. He didn't seem to react to any of the alcohol until he tried turning to walk away and nearly colliding with Spud.
Akira Tozawa dropped jaws when he took to the challenge for Sigma Nu. The "honorary brother" nearly put Otis in his place with 6.23 seconds on the timer. The brothers of Sigma Nu carried Tozawa back to their huddle when the boy looked a little green around the gills.
DDD, MNC, and AID all came closer to the best time with 6.33 seconds, 6.39 seconds, and 6.44 seconds respectively.
AJ Lee tried to step up to the challenge but was quickly guided elsewhere by her fiance. Rollins tried to keep the peace even with AJ's flurry of homophobic slurs directed at her (maybe) baby daddy.
It was Bayley who tried the challenge for ZBZ. She assured her sisters that she was up for the challenge, citing "it's a mother's instinct" to down as much booze as she could before passing out just in case her presence was needed at home. And it showed with an impressive 6.32 on the time clock.
DXA's attempt failed miserably. Tiffany Stratton should've been subbed out for an alternative. The troublesome blonde stumbled up to the table at first. She downed the shot and bomb in record time, then made the questionable choice to lightly sip her mixed drink.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Tay Conti screamed in the clearest English she had ever conjured up.
Tiffany sipped at her beer. Almost instantly, the beer started to spill from the corners of her mouth all over her white DXA top. Tiffany was a... "gifted" young woman, with twin enhanced "calcium cannons" now almost entirely on display thanks to equal parts wet clothes and no bra.
"Uh..." Spud hesitated to make the call, his eyes glued to Tiffany's chest. "That's a disqualification! No points for Delta Xi Alpha!"
Tiffany seemed none-the-wiser when she stumbled back to her team. Thankfully, she accepted the zip-up track jacket from her sisters to cover-up the spill job on her shirt.
It all seemed like a likely win for Beta Pi Omega for the second game in a row. Celebratory beers were nearly handed out... until Omicron Pi's president stepped up for her sorority.
Rhea Ripley already was an intimidating figure for both men and women. Her height and presence either made them into a puddle or convinced them they could spend the night with her if they tried hard enough.
Rhea took to the table last. She didn't break eye contact with Ambrose, who couldn't wipe the smirk off his face if he tried.
"GO!"
Rhea flew through the gauntlet like it was nothing. The mixer was already gone by the time anyone could process what had happened. She chugged the beer without any spilling than most regulars at Roadies had seen in quite some time.
Spud hit the stop button. "Holy shit..."
"Time?" Rhea barked.
Spud shook his head. "Five-point-seven!" He declared, raising Rhea's arm in victory.
The eruption of cheers spoke for itself. It was an impressive win for OP, one that could not be beat if a faster drinker tried.
BPO - 19
OP - 18
ZBZ - 16
Sigma Nu - 14
MNC - 11
AID - 10
DXA - 8
Kap Sig - 8
DDD - 7
PPP - 4
Bar Dice
Another single-elimination tournament with each showdown decided after best two-out-of-three.
Team BPO faced off against Mu Nu Chi in the first round.
"Call it!"
"Sixes!"
Rollins slammed the cup down on the bar. He peeked, hid the roll, peeked again with a furrowed brow, then revealed a clean sweep of sixes.
"FUCK!" Victoria Derrico exclaimed, breaking the 'elegance' rule of her house.
OP decisively beat PPP 2-0 in two games of "fives." Kappa Sigma snuck one out on Sigma Nu 2-1. Delta Delta Delta saw their first big win after going 2-0 against Psi Phi Pi.
OP found ZBZ in the second round.
Ruby rolled her eyes. "Dude, you can't rub my thighs. That's cheating."
Tegan Nox wasn't sure what that meant. "I'm not rubbing your thighs..."
Ruby followed the arm to the redhead standing behind her. She threw her wife a glare, trying not to smirk.
"It's fer luck!" Becky declared.
ZBZ rallied after losing the first game to win 2-1.
Zack Ryder swirled the cup before slamming it on the bar.
Anna Jay leaned in closer. "Do you want me to rub your thighs for good luck?"
Zack tutted his tongue. "I'm happily married, and my wife will kill you."
"I really will!" Bayley called out from the crowd, beaming a smile with murderous intent.
It came down to the last game of "Mexican." BPO pulled off the win to advance after going up 2-1.
AJ Lee subbed in for Ruby. "It's the only fucking game I'm allowed to play!" She promptly declared, plopping in an old barstool.
The pregnant president pulled off the impossible, 2-1, against Kap Sig and their relentless trash talk.
"You won't get so lucky again," Ciampa warned.
"I got lucky with your mom," AJ shot back, earning the catcalls from the bar room.
BPO were left with their jaws on the floor when they lost 2-0 to DDD. The upset win could possibly swing momentum if someone was keeping accurate total of the scores.
The underdog Tri-Delta team met favored Zeta Beta Zeta in the finals.
AJ Lee stared through her eyebrows. "Don't you fucking dare..."
Aliyah James picked up her cup to show off the impossible. "NAKED!" She declared.
"That's game!" Spud announced, raising the hands of the winners in Delta Delta Delta.
BPO - 27
ZBZ - 25
OP - 24
Sigma Nu - 20
DDD - 17
AID - 16
Kap Sig - 16
DXA - 14
MNC - 12
PPP - 5
Dizzy Bat
Ten college kids lined up to down a pitcher of beer before making themselves extremely dizzy during a foot race...
Surely, there was nothing that could go wrong.
Tay Conti from DXA took a head-first baseball dive across the bar floor to make it across first.
Sigma Nu and Kap Sig were too busy shoving each other to slow AID down from crossing the finish line.
Seth Rollins nearly caught an assault charge when he fell into Heather Elegance and nearly tore her dress off. Luckily, she recovered in stride and pushed herself across the finish line with Rollins collapsing behind her.
PPP almost lost points when Joe Gacy paused because he thought he was going to vomit. Liv Morgan on ZBZ's side kept bumping into Gacy, which prompted him to utter "FUCK IT!" and scoop Liv up to carry each of them across the finish line.
Tri-Delta earned last place points when Kiana James stumbled into a trash can and didn't answer the referee's ten-count.
Omicron Pi's Piper Niven trampled Seth Rollins en route to a third-from-last spot.
Rollins crawled across the finish line to give BPO something.
"DUDE!" Ambrose screamed at his best friend.
"Fuck off!" Rollins shot back, still face-down on the floor.
DXA - 31
BPO - 29
OP - 27
ZBZ - 25
AID - 25
Sigma Nu - 24
Kap Sig - 21
MNC - 20
DDD - 18
PPP - 12
Flip Cup
Teams of five going head-to-head. All members were required to play, with alternates on standby if need be. The objective was simple: drink the cup of beer as fast as possible and flip it over to land on its top.
Mu Nu Chi made quick work of Tri-Delta, and Kap Sig quickly eliminated Psi Phi Pi.
If Liv Morgan could've gotten her cup flipped over in time, Johnny Gargano wouldn't have pulled off the upset for Alpha Iota Delta. One flip is all it took to eliminate ZBZ from this game.
Tozawa couldn't believe it when his brothers put him in at anchor, and it managed to pay off. President Ripley would've torn the little fucker in half if it weren't against the rules, and if Tozawa didn't immediately take off when he caught Ripley's heated glare.
Arianna Grace decided the game in favor of MNC when she beat DXA's Nattie Neidhart by a fraction of a second.
Roman Reigns took his sweet time at anchor. No matter what he did, he couldn't figure out how to make his cup lad on its top.
"Dude, come on," Rollins chuckled, only intending to bust his buddy's balls.
Eddy Thorpe of Kap Sig was first and kept knocking his cup off the table. BPO had plenty of time to get their shit together, but only if the "Tribal Chief" got his head back in the game.
"Fuck!" Reigns barked. He flipped again to no avail. "Goddamn motherfucker..."
"On its head, man," Ambrose quipped.
"I'll kill you," Reigns playfully warned, then flipped the cup upside-down. "Fuckin'-A..."
"Holy shit! It's a miracle!" Ryder slurred, nearly falling over into the crowd.
MNC won decisively after AID failed to make it past their first player.
Tozawa's stare didn't break away from Reigns. The smaller man stared through his eyebrows, trying to strike fear in his opponents.
Ryder finished his cup, readied to flip, then fell flat on the floor.
Tozawa took advantage of the distraction and ended his turn with one quick flip of his cup.
"You good?" Ambrose asked his buddy, pulling Ryder off the floor.
Ryder was seeing doubles of the doubles. "Fair... fair to mid."
A surprising final of MNC and Sigma Nu came down to the final two players on each team: Tozawa and Elegance. Tozawa's batting average decreased when he missed his first flip, then his second.
Heather Elegance tried her best, bless her heart. Then she accidentally bumped the table and unintentionally assisted Tozawa in landing his cup upside-down.
"Does that count?" Spud asked the referee.
Hager simply shrugged his shoulders, unsure either.
"Eh, fuck it! WINNER!" Spud declared, raising Tozawa's arm in victory.
DXA - 37
BPO - 37
Sigma Nu - 34
OP - 33
AID - 33
ZBZ - 31
MNC - 29
Kap Sig - 27
DDD - 19
PPP - 13
Halftime
"OH, GOD!"
"SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS!"
With the men's room filled to the brim and the line to the women's room wrapped around the building twice, it was only common practice that half the students competing in Beer Olympics figured out they could "relieve" themselves outside the bar.
BPO's starting lineup and their alternates found a stretch of brick wall that was suitable to do their business. Several catcalls came their way, as well as a few ladies of Greek Row handing over cash after losing a few bets regarding the "length" of their favorite brother.
"Alright, what's left?" Ambrose asked, head tilted back looking toward the heavens.
Brother Rollins was the one to remember the remaining games. "Stein Hold and Chug, Upside-Down Chug, Beer Paddles, Bags, and Keep-Up..."
Reigns answered, first with a low, sternum shaking belch, then spoke English. "What happens if there's a tie?" He asked.
"A tie?" Seth asked.
"Zack would know..." Ambrose figured. "ZACK! RYDER?! DONKEY-WIENER MCGEE?!" His call-outs fell upon deaf ears.
Zack wouldn't make it to the rest of the games. Anyone within fifty feet of his rocking mini-van would know better than to intrude. But anyone brave enough to peek into the steamy windows would catch man and wife relishing in one of the benefits of marriage.
Another married couple took some time away from the chaos and noise to share some privater intimacy.
Ruby Soho kept checking each window to make sure some drunk dude-bro or sororstitute wasn't peeping on her with her wife.
Becky caught her wife's chin with her fingertips. "Love..." she cooed, flashing sparkly baby browns. "Focus..."
"Shit, sorry," Ruby chuckled under her breath. "I keep thinking some jerk's gonna interrupt us."
Becky patted her fingertips with her tongue. As she leaned in for another kiss, those slick digits dipped down the front of her wife's jeans.
"Better?" Becky cooed.
Ruby answered with a stiff kiss and a handful of fiery red hair.
OP President Rhea would normally be enjoying the rotating line of drunk and "curious" college girls lining up to catch her attention. And she was for a few moments, until some "outside interference" thwarted any chance of her getting in any undergrad's panties.
Indi Hartwell thought she had enough Tequila Sunrises to pick up the bat and crush a home-run with the tall, brooding, goth.
"Hey, you-"
Cathy Kelly handed Indi two empty beer bottles. "Yeah, thanks. We'll just take two more."
Indi threw Cathy and Rhea a confused look each way, then rolled her eyes and walked away.
Cathy painted on a wide grin. "You're doing great today, babe."
Rhea let a smirk show. "You look rather cute in your jealousy. Is it in season?"
Cathy kept the grin. "What do you mean?" She asked like she really had no idea what the topic was.
With a handful of shirt, Rhea pulled Cathy close for maybe the hottest kiss either had experienced in their lives. Rhea's tongue probed Cathy's mouth, then darted forward when given full access.
A shared breath and both women were grinning in each other's faces.
"I wanna go steady..."
Rhea's grin plummeted. "I need to focus, love."
Cathy didn't externally react; simply letting Rhea walk away. She sucked in a shaky breath, a mix of the alcohol in her system and the sudden rug pull making her eyes water.
Stein Hold & Chug
A low murmur rippled through the crowd.
Ambrose had already stepped up to the challenge. "The fuck are you talking about?" The accusations made against his house were grounds for an ass whoopin'.
DXA and OP found unity for the first time in decades with twin accusatory indexes aimed at the Beta Pi Omega fraternity. Zelina Vega and Dakota Kai brought attention to the host that something was awry.
"President Ryder hasn't played his fair share of games all day," Zelina told the crowd and Rockstar Spud. "The agreed upon rules clearly state that each player has to play at least once. Ryder played ONE game of dice and participated in flip cup, but he has yet to complete a game for his team. Seth has played, Dean has played a lot, Roman has played, and Otis has played."
Spud turned to the defendant. "Is that so, lad?" He asked.
Ambrose shrugged. "I don't even know where he is. I haven't seen him since we scraped him off the floor."
"COLLUSION!" President AJ accused, pointing with the free hand that wasn't cradling her baby bump.
Seth counted the numbers in his head. "I mean... yeah, no, that's right."
Spud's hands were tied. "Sorry, boys. Either Ryder plays, you forfeit, or you sub in your alternate."
BPO's alternate slid so fast off his bar stool that he knocked it over.
"I'll play," Darby announced.
Kap Sig stepped forward. "That little shit is stone sober," Ciampa complained. "How is that fair to the rest of us?"
To answer the issue at hand, Darby reached over the bar, grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels, and pulled straight from the neck.
Hangman didn't flinch. "If y'all hadn't already paid for that, Idda busted you over the head with the bottle."
Darby made it about four swallows in before he lurched forward with a violent promise to show everyone what he had for breakfast. With a new stagger in his step, the boy with half his face painted like a Mardi Gras skull, limped forward to the playing field.
"I'll pl-" Darby paused to dry heave. "I'll-" And again. "I-" He held a fist to his mouth, his other hand asking for 'one second'.
"Jesus Christ," Reigns rolled his eyes.
Darby took a deep breath. "I'll play," he announced, soaking in a wave of cheers from the peanut gallery.
Each representing member of their respective houses was given a full stein mug of beer. The objective seemed simple enough... on paper.
With the arm fully extended, each player had to hold their stein at shoulder height for sixty seconds. If the mug dipped or if any beer spilled, they were out. At the end of the minute, they were required to drink the beer as fast as they could. Points were assigned according to speed in which they finished.
Darby never seemed so locked in. He stared straight ahead, his eyebrows perched and his head tilted forward like a Turkish sharpshooter going for silver to hide the fact that he was a hitman in a past life.
As the sixty seconds ticked down, Tri-Delta buckled under the pressure, and Delta Xi Alpha was eliminated when Anna Jay's shaky grasp spilled enough to warrant a disqualification.
"Don't you fuck this up, boy," Reigns barked, openly showing his distrust for his teammate.
Spud slowly began to raise his hand. Suddenly, he dropped the signal.
The eight remaining players brought the steins to their lips. Darby pressed his tongue down, held his breath, and let every delicious, cold, grainy drop wash down his throat.
"YEAH!" Darby screamed, holding his stein out and upside-down.
"TIE!"
Darby looked to his left. Tegan Nox, carbonated tears in her eyes, looked a little wobbly but had finished her mug as quickly as Darby had.
"Ah, bullshit!" Piper challenged.
"It was a tie for first," Spud announced, making the official decision. "It was BPO and OP, then Psi Phi Pi with MNC and Sigma Nu right behind them. When Johnny finishes, he will get third-from-last points."
Johnny struggled to finish the beer he was halfway through.
Darby cupped Tegan's face and planted a firm kiss on her lips. "CHAMPION!" He declared, raising his arms to celebrate with his BPO brothers.
Tegan remained frozen for a few seconds, then shrugged and headed back to her group.
Rollins was a little confused. "Does Darby know Tegan isn't..?"
Ambrose couldn't wipe the idiot grin off his face. "I don't know. But that was awesome!"
BPO - 47
OP - 43
Sigma Nu - 40
DXA - 39
AID - 36
ZBZ - 36
MNC - 36
Kap Sig - 31
PPP - 21
DDD - 20
Upside-Down Chug
Was it safe to hold a teammate upside-down by their ankles while they chugged from a pitcher of beer?
Fuck no! But it looked really cool in the moment.
Gigi Dollin, ZBZ sub-in for Bayley, may have finished third but she gained the most fan service when one of her breasts popped out of her top.
The fourth quickest drinker, Ricochet, thought two could play at that game and reached for his belt. His fraternity brothers quickly intervened to stop him from doing anything that would get them banned from the bar.
Brother Dozer held onto Ambrose for dear life while the Concussion Artist swallowed beer as quickly as he could. BPO came up for air to find themselves in fifth place.
DXA took second with "Tiffy Time" at full (ear-splitting) volume. Her celebration warranted her to reach for the hem of her top. But much like the boys of Sigma Nu with Ricochet, the sisters of Delta Xi hurried to stop Tiffany from exposing herself.
Johnny was a little shocked when he flipped over to find himself the winner. Those late-nights at the gym being suspended by his ankles to train for this game really paid off.
Candice LeRae crossed enemy lines to congratulate her boyfriend. "Good job, baby. Those 'Spider-Man blowjobs' really paid off, huh?"
It was the question on everyone's mind. "What's a Spider-Man blowjob?" Referee Hager asked.
Johnny shrugged. "When you hang upside-down by your feet and a girl blows you."
Several goals had just been added to most of the male portion of the student body's "sex bucket list " - or "fuck-it lists."
Many congratulations flooded Gargano's personal space with multiple brothers of each fraternity labeling AID's acting president their personal hero.
DXA - 58
ZBZ - 54
BPO - 53
OP - 48
Sigma Nu - 47
AID - 46
MNC - 40
Kap Sig - 33
DDD - 23
PPP - 22
Keep-Up
Ten players - one from each house - sat around one table in a game of memory. If this had been the first event, it wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining. But watching a few short of a dozen drunk, nearly incoherent college students try to play was by far the most entertaining sight yet.
Players start out by slapping the table with the palms of their hands. One by one, they have to repeat an action or say a phrase given to them. Every fourth action, the cycle repeated. For example: The first player makes moose antlers with their hands, the second player has to yell, the third player has to make eyeglasses with their fingers, the fourth player has to make a trumpet gesture with their hands, then the fifth player has to repeat the actions of the first, and so on. Every time a player messes up, they have to take a drink. Once they have taken three drinks, they are eliminated.
Tay Conti either didn't understand the concept or was too drunk to remember the sequence. She was out of the game before a full rotation could be completed.
AJ Lee was subbed out after being deemed "too sober" to compete. Raquel Rodriguez was a powerhouse of a woman to step up for Zeta House, but that quickly fell apart when she "forgot" her left from her right and kept making boat rowing motions to the wrong side of her body.
Roman dominated the gridiron but fumbled trying to recall what came after the "west side" hand gesture and before the yodeling. Plus, sitting him between Heather Elegance and Piper Niven apparently warranted several unprompted (but very welcome) over-the-pants "pat downs" between rounds. He was out when the swelling in his camo fatigues was too much to handle.
Piper Niven was out next when she acted out of turn.
Kofi tried arguing the rules of the game when he was down to his last strike. "That's it!" He tossed a red napkin onto the table.
"Are you challenging the play?" Rockstar Spud asked for clarification.
"Damn right, I am!" Kofi agreed.
Spud hurried to the "review booth" - a cardboard box with stolen curtains from MNC hanging over the opening. Inside was Nikki Cross doodling in her notepad while Orange took a nap beside her.
"Is the ruling on the field upheld?" Spud asked.
Nikki seemed confused, then nodded. "Oh, uh, yes! The ruling on the field stands!"
Orange gave his consensus with a lazy "thumbs up."
With the official ruling, Sigma Nu was eliminated next.
Gwen Stacy's magical mouth couldn't get Spider-Man out of trouble this time; Johnny was eliminated next.
Arianna Grace and Eddy Thorpe nearly came to blows over their double-fault. Arianna made the wrong gesture, which prompted Thorpe to follow up incorrectly. It resulted in a double-elimination, with more points going to Kap Sig because it was MNC's fault for both loses.
A surprising twist of fate found Tri-Delta's Jordynne and Psi Phi Pi's Joe Gacy the last two standing. Gacy had been swift with each movement, carefully recalling each sequence when it was his turn. Jordynne lucked out and barely had a turn when each player before her was eliminated.
Gacy polished off his non-game beer. "I will fight to the death for my house. I did not ride the cosmos for this long to lose while being so close."
Jordynne had an offer. "Neither of our houses can win, even if we win out. If you forfeit, I'll get the catcher from the softball team to blow you."
Gacy slapped the table and stood. "I concede!"
A wave of support for the underdogs filled the bar room. Gacy faced his chapter's president, breathing a sigh of relief when Dexter offered a handshake.
Nattie approached Jordynne. "I thought Sadie transferred last week?"
Jordynne grinned. "Yeah, but Gacy doesn't know that yet."
DXA - 59
ZBZ - 56
BPO - 56
OP - 52
Sigma Nu - 52
AID - 52
MNC - 47
Kap Sig - 41
DDD - 33
PPP - 31
Beer Paddles
Yeah, sure. Give ping-pong paddles to a group of intoxicated college students and let them loose. Nothing could go wrong.
The layout of the bracket almost caused a fight before the first game started. Tri-Delta argued they shouldn't have to win a qualifier every time there's a single-elimination tournament.
Rockstar Spud quickly killed the tension in the room by lip-syncing an entire performance of "Livin' on a Prayer." Once the room was singing along and consuming alcohol again, the desire to beat each other with a paddle died down.
Tri-Delta and Kap Sig faced off in the first qualifier; The honors went to Mu Nu Chi and Psi Phi Pi on the other side.
The name of the game was simple: hit a small white ball with a paddle and score points. Each score forced a player to take a drink. The game is over once one sides beer was gone, or a player managed to make a shot into the opposite team's beer mug.
Kap Sig showed dominance over Delta Delta Delta right out of the gate. Ciampa demolished the competition with authority, hardly needing his teammate as he made quick work of the sisters.
Arianna Grace dropped jaws, including her own, when she sank a shot directly into Kevin Thorne's beer mug. The tall, brooding sideshow character sucked down the sweet grainy liquid, then spat out the ping pong ball across the table.
Beta Pi Omega found themselves in trouble early. Alpha Iota Delta showed great precision with well-placed shots across the table, sending the ball in a sudden jerking motion in an odd pattern.
"What the fuck?!" Ambrose cried after launching another rally into the net.
Rollins chuckled. "Dude, get your shit together."
"Fuck you," Ambrose muttered into a bitter swallow.
Sigma Nu got their win back against Omicron Pi with Tozawa's skilled marksmanship sending shot after shot back across the table. Big E just stood back, letting the smaller man go ape shit on the ping pong ball.
Kap Sig's reign continued with a dominant win over Delta Xi Alpha. Even with Tiffany trying to flash herself again, the focus stayed in the game and took the brothers of Kap Sig to the next round.
Adrianna nearly bought a lottery ticket after sinking yet another mug shot in MNC's game against Zeta Beta Zeta.
"I swear I've never played this game before!" Adrianna cooed, soaking in the cheers from the crowd.
"I swear I've never played this game before," Becky mocked, polishing off her beer to cement ZBZ's loss.
Kap Sig's dominance made quick work of Sigma Nu. Tozawa gave it his all, with Ciampa sending every receipt right back. But in the end, with one final shot across the bow, Ciampa sank a lucky shot into E's mug.
"FAHK!" Tozawa cursed, throwing his paddle on the floor.
"Brother T, that was some impressive ping-pongin'," E praised, slapping his buddy on the back. "Don't sweat it. We still got some hunnies coming to the house later."
Tozawa nodded, still stern in the face. "Honey. Yes."
The finals saw former best friends facing off. Johnny and Keith from AID versus Tommaso Ciampa (basically playing alone).
"Hello, old friend," Ciampa greeted the other man.
"Hey, fuckface," Johnny shot back.
Keith stepped in. "Let us not quarrel now. We must play our hearts out... and the loser takes a paddle up the ass."
Ciampa looked afraid for the first time in his life. "What the fuck..?"
Back and forth like tug-o-war with paddles and plastic balls. Drinks were exchanged, a few mug shot near misses almost ended the game. The crowd was invested leaning in to catch every second of battle.
Ciampa slammed the ball. Keith quickly returned the shot. Ciampa launched a backhanded shot across the table. Johnny dove to make the save. Ciampa's partner suddenly returned from the bathroom, launching a bullet for Keith's head.
Keith tried slapping the shot away but the ball fell to the floor.
"Very good play, Mr. Konosuke," Keith praised, bowing his head.
Konosuke Takeshita had been absent for the majority of the game. "Thank you," he returned, bowing in Keith's direction.
"Goddammit..." Johny muttered after finishing his beer and laying down his paddle.
Candace quickly waded through the crowd to meet her boyfriend. "You did really great, baby," she praised, ruffling her fingers in Johnny's hair and pulling herself in for a kiss.
Johnny shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. We almost had him, too."
Candace moved her lips beside Johnny's ear. "Made me super fucking wet. Think we can sneak away for a little bit after this?"
Johnny couldn't wipe the smirk off his face if he tried. He may lost the game, but the reward was waiting for him at the AID house.
DXA - 65
ZBZ - 62
BPO - 62
AID - 61
Sigma Nu - 60
OP - 58
MNC - 55
Kap Sig - 51
DDD - 34
PPP - 32
Bags
It all came down to this. One final game - a "must win" for several if they had any hope of taking home that trophy. Others weren't going to win the whole thing, no matter what, but it came down to pride and not taking last place.
Ambrose called a huddle. "Alright, I know Roman is our best shot in bags. The dude can hit the board with his non-dominant hand while three sheets to the wind. I've seen that shit."
"I'll play," Roman agreed.
Ambrose continued. "I'm piss-drunk right now. I can't see shit straight. I can't play. Seth sucks dick... uh, at this game."
"Fuck you," Rollins fired back.
"So, either Brother Dozer or Darbs," Ambrose concluded, giving the floor to BPO's Pledge Recruiter and Secretary.
Darby and Otis shared a look. Otis was a monster at bags but had been drinking heavily. Darby hadn't played much but he was clearly the most sober of the bunch.
Darby took a breath. "Hey, Otis?"
"Eh?" Otis muttered.
"Lemme get this one," Darby stated. "I almost got BPO in deep shit. Let me make up for it and win us that fuckin' trophy."
Ambrose nodded approvingly. "I like it. Real 'Field of Dreams'."
Darby stepped forward to take the lead, but a strong hand on his chest slowed him down.
Roman peered down at the smaller boy. "If you fuck this up, I'll kill you."
Darby nodded. "I know."
"No. Seriously." Roman repeated.
Darby nodded slowly. "I know."
Kap Sig's chances of placing out of the bottom three went up in smoke. Tri-Delta brought the heat, and the accuracy as they quickly decided the game 21-3 to advance in the tournament.
Campus correspondent Kayla Braxton was on the scene for a post-game interview. "Kap Sig has officially been knocked out, which means they will likely place in the bottom four teams," she told the cellphone operated by Byron Saxton. She approached the chapter's president. "Tommaso, what are your thoughts now that it's fact that Kap Sig can't compete worth a shit?"
Ciampa threw Kayla a quizzical look, then shoved Byron out of the way as he stormed off.
Kayla shrugged. "Well, there you have it," she signed off.
MNC's freak accuracy returned in this game. In "corn hole," if all four bags land in the hole on the first shot, without any response from the opposing team, that team wins immediately.
"Holy moly!" Arianna squeaked, lifting her arms in victory. "I can't believe I did it!"
Dexter stared silently at his opponent until the silence drove her to walk away. He steered his glare to Kayla Braxton, but she decided against a post-game interview at the last second.
The brothers of AID continued their Cinderella story with a 21-19 upset against Sigma Nu. Woods fell to his knees in disbelief, looking to the heavens for an answer.
Liv and Raquel of Zeta Beta Zeta put away Mu Nu Chi, 21-20. Liv was shaky on her feet but managed to score the most points for her and her partner.
BPO's first test came against Omicron Pi. The tandem of Tegan Nox and Dakota Kai gave Roman and Darby a run for their money, but BPO wasn't about to back down now.
Darby aimed his next shot carefully. A light flick of his wrist made the bag land on the board with a soft thump. Dakota had to respond by getting her next shot on the playing field, or it was over for OP.
Dakota cranked her arm back, threw it forward, and fired a shot right in Tegan's face.
"Bloody fuck!" Tegan exclaimed, clutching her nose.
"That's for texting my boyfriend a picture of your flat tits!" Dakota screamed.
Tegan charged her teammate. "You're one to talk!"
The tussle brought both girls to the floor, then out the doors guided by security. No one knew how to process what just happened, until Hager declared BPO the winners.
Darby nodded toward his teammate. "Doin' good so far."
"Shut up," Roman muttered, shoulder bumping Darby as he passed.
Tiffany Stratton insisted she could play this round. The other sisters of DXA were understandably hesitant but let her approach the boards.
"Dude, come on," Jordynne gestured toward Tiffany. "I've seen her tits more times than I can count. She can't play."
Tiffany swayed in place. "Oh, I can play," she slurred. "Wanna know why..?" She suddenly stood straight up, locking eyes with the other sorority's president. "I'm not. That. Drunk."
Kit Wilson and Elton Prince were watching from the crowd. "She's not that drunk? Cheeky bastard!" They said in unison.
Tiffany rallied and took a win for DXA, 21-17. The smoke screen did its job and got DXA one step closer to winning Beer Olympics.
Roman and Darby met Liv and Raquel next. Darby stood in Raquel's shadow, while Roman was paired next to Liv.
Liv bore a cheeky grin. "Hey, Ro? Remember when I came by your apartment and sucked the life out of you?"
Roman's shot flew wildly into the crowd.
Liv's eyes darkened. "Wouldn't it just be so... AMAZING if I did it again?"
Roman cleared his throat. "What's your name again?" He asked.
The tsunami of cat calls and whistles made Liv's cheeks burn red. A noticeable shadow lowered over her eyes, warning danger for those who came across her.
Darby lightly cleared his throat. "You don't think you could-"
Raquel cut in. "Shut the fuck up, Darbs."
BPO pulled it off, 21-12.
Johnny Gargano found himself with the game-winning shot on the line against DXA.
Tiffany sucked her teeth. "Candace went down on me after I helped her with her culinary project..."
Johnny paused before he threw. "Really?" He asked his girlfriend.
Candace threw her boyfriend a crooked look. "No. The hell?"
Johnny chuckled. "Oh, yeah. She blew ME after I helped her out."
Johnny's confidence would be his undoing. His bag slid across the board, then fell into the hole.
"Oh, fuck..." Johnny muttered.
"Twenty-two!" Tiffany giggled. "That puts you losers back to fifteen!"
"Lock-in, Johnny Bags," Keith hyped his brother with a quick pickup.
The game led to 20-20. All either team had to do was score one point.
Tiffany ended her turn with one bag on the board. "Beat that, Johnny Cuck-Gano!"
Johnny slapped one bag on the board, canceling out Tiffany's point. His next shot missed the board completely. His third shot hit the board but slid off the end.
"LOCK. IN." Keith boomed, widening his eyes.
Johnny took a deep breath. As he took aim, Candace ran up to his side.
"I'll try anal again if you make this shot," she promised.
The full sentence hadn't even left Candace's mouth when the bag hit the board and won the game in AID's favor.
"BPO!" Johnny called out to the boys gearing up for the finals. "WE'RE COMING FOR YOU!"
The finals saw the underdogs of Alpha Iota Delta facing off against Beta Pi Omega. All the marbles (for this game) came down to one more shot.
Staring down 20-20 yet again, Darby found himself the man for the job. A low shot brought his final bag onto the board but Keith still had to go.
"Nice and easy now," Johnny told his teammate.
Keith's shot nearly hit Johnny in the groin.
"That was NOT nice and easy," Johnny chuckled.
Keith's shot hit the board, then skipped off. His third shot missed the board.
It all came down to this... one more shot to reset the score. If not, then Darby had won the game for BPO.
Keith let the bag fly. It soared through the air, rotating backwards...
...right into the center hole.
"I did it?" Darby thought to himself, the mob of people surrounding him before he knew what was going on.
"Way to TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!" Ambrose cried in victory, lifting Darby's hand in the air.
Darby let a grin show. He soaked in each cheer, letting the pressure off with a single sigh and a sip of beer.
DXA - 73
BPO - 72
ZBZ - 70
AID - 70
Sigma Nu - 66
OP - 64
MNC - 61
Kap Sig - 52
DDD - 40
PPP - 33
Closing Ceremonies
The scores were finalized, the medals were handed out - it was time to declare an official winner.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Rockstar Spud spoke to the crowd. "It is with great honor that I give to you your placing teams for Beer Olympics 2019. It has been a long day, I really need to piss, so let's start with the bronze."
Tied for third were underdogs-turned-legends Alpha Iota Delta, and the sisters of Zeta Beta Zeta. Spud presented each player with miniature cowbells painted brown to look like a bronze medal.
"Secondly, taking the silver..."
The boys of BPO roared for their team. Second was a hard pill to swallow, but at least the "medal" was a cold can of Coors Light with homemade "second place" covers wrapped around the can.
"And finally, taking home gold, and NEW BEER OLYMPICS CHAMPIONS!"
Delta Xi Alpha came into the events today with a chip on their shoulder. Most probably thought they weren't going to pull off the unlikely, but they did with flying colors, some questionable strategy, and a few exposed breasts along the way.
The trophy was handed to President Elect, Nattie Neidhart. With a tear in her eye, and a noticeable sway in her posture, held up the hot-glued-together beer cans made to look like a trophy.
Darby looked at his medal. "Are we supposed to drink these?"
Otis had already cracked open his "medal" and drank it down.
"Yeah, I guess," Ambrose figured, tuning out Nattie's acceptance speech.
"Well... now what?" Seth asked.
Ambrose shrugged. "I'm gonna go find a lucky lady to fondle my balls while I drink more beer."
"Word," Roman agreed, cracking open his beer. He tapped his against Darby's, gave him a wink, then sipped the deliciousness.
Darby was about to drink his medal when two MNC pledges approached.
"You did so great today!" One of the pledges praised. "Can we buy you a drink?"
Darby was lightly shoved forward before he could answer. He looked back at his brothers, another massive grin on his face.
"They grow up so fast," Ambrose commented.
"He's still a little bitch," Roman rumbled, finishing off his beer.