Archive of Our Own ^beta

The dog looked at Gabin, his teeth sitting over his top lips, and drool starting to form a puddle. 

When Lucky blinked, it was not in sync. One eye seemed to blink slightly before the other one, and one eye seemed to be just slightly off centre. 

“Hello,” Gabin said awkwardly. 

Lucky huffed a bark which sounded more like he was trying to cough up a fur ball rather than a bark. 

“How are you?” Gabin continued. 

The dog turned shuffling away on it’s three legs and Gabin truly felt as though Lucky had crawled out of a horror story. 

Apparently, Lucky would not die. Hence the name. 

The dog had been ran over four times (two of which was apparently when Tobias was trying to learn how to drive), he had had a stroke, cancer, and once went missing for a month only to be discovered in the local park with the ducks. 

“I’m getting married next week.”

Gabin looked round, his eyes falling on Percy who stood with his patchwork blanket and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 

“It’s a lot of responsibility getting married,” the kid continued. “It’s my first of three.”

“Three weddings?” Gabin repeated. “You are a lady’s man.”

“One of them’s a boy,” Percy rolled his eyes, before taking a glass of milk off the counter. “I can’t just marry girls. Girls don’t like spiders.” 

“Ah…” Gabin nodded his head very slowly, trying to keep his attention on Percy but Lucky was trying to eat coal. 

“I’m going to bed now. Lucky,” the dog obediently trotted over, following the kid back up the stairs and leaving Gabin stunned. 

Percy was besotted with Lucky and the pair were inseparably, much to his mother’s dismay who was convinced Lucky had rabies. 

The Bell Christmas reunion was not for the faint hearted. There was almost a small army gathered in the living room between Tobias, his four other siblings, his parents, grandparents, great aunts and in-laws. 

(Gabin had written all the names down with a photo beside them to keep track.) 

It was a little easier to remember the kids names. Percy with his small scar above his lip from were he had fallen as a baby. The twins, Ilya and Pierre, with their matching (fake) Spider-Man tattoos. The youngest, Lyra, with her deep love for the Spanish Inquisition. Their dad was Elijah, Tobias’s eldest brother. Then there was Klaus and Helene, who was Phoebe’s kids. Lastly, there was Vivian, who was Marcus’s only kid. 

It was also clear how much Tobias cared for his nieces and nephews. Each time one of them had something to say, Tobias sat and listened. Never rushing, never scolding. He sat and nodded along intently, and it warmed something in Gabin’s heart. 

Now, Tobias’s siblings were another matter. 

There was Phoebe and Elijah, the eldest and twins. Then there was Uma, Tobias, and Marcus. 

Gabin did not come from a big family, in fact he was an only child, but drunkenly one night Tobias’s mother, Tatiana, explained there wasn’t really anything else to do in Russia when they lived there, hence why there was so many children. 

Tatiana Bell was both terrifying and kind. She was never anything less than immaculately dressed, make up and hair done to perfection. Her husband, Leo Bell, had more of a mad scientist look about him. His hair, black with streaks of silver, like the moonlight cutting through the midnight ocean, refused to be tamed. 

But more than anything, everyone seemed to genuinely love each other. 

This was something Gabin was struggling to accept. He kept waiting, waiting for the arguments, for the doors to slam or for the glass to be thrown across the room, but no matter how he waited, it never happened. 

“I know that look,” Tatiana had said one night as they stood at the back door, blowing their cigarette smoke into the night sky. “It never leaves you, does it?”

“I don’t…”

“You know, I married Leo when I was nineteen,” she smiled. “He found me one night, walking in the middle of winter with no shoes and no coat because I had ran away. He married me the next day, and the rest is history.”

Gabin shook his head. “You misunderstand…”

Tatiana gently squeezed Gabin’s shoulder. “You are safe here, Gabin. You are safe.”

Her words still played in his head. He watched how Leo sat with Lyra on his lap, doing a jigsaw together while Tatiana read to Percy, or how Great Aunt Bertha would paint with Ilya and Pierre to give Elijah a break from dad duties. 

Gran Bell never spoke, she just shrugged or tutted and Gramps Bell was always making something, humming softly under his breath. 

It was Gabin’s first Christmas at the Bell household, and all the prep in the world was nothing compared to actually being here. Not that Gabin had favourites, but there was something about Uma he appreciated, and her general distaste towards the festive season. 

“Capitalism,” She said one night, shaking her head and pouring Gabin a very generous glass of vodka. 

“Capitalism,” he agreed, trying to drink the glass. 

There was also the small matter of a drunk Tobias, who was quickly becoming Gabin’s favourite version of Tobias. There was a glow to drunk Tobias, his cheeks a soft rosie pink with his soft eyes and messy hair. Until Uma had tried to tell Tobias that him and Gabin couldn’t share a bed because they weren’t married, which had resulted in a two hour shouting match between the two. 

Now, Gabin lay in Tobias’s childhood bed with his partner in his arms, looking at the cutouts that covered the walls. 

“It’s embarrassing,” Tobias murmured into Gabin’s chest, who smiled gently.

“Non, it is not. I keep discovering new things about you.”

There was the typical teenager stuff, whilst Gabin assumed most teenagers had photos of bands, Tobias had ballet dancers. He had newspaper reviews, and astrology maps, some family photos. There was one that stuck out, a young Tobias sitting on the shoulders of a man, his head thrown back in laughter. 

“That was my uncle,” Tobias whispered, tentatively touching it. “He… he was gay. He died in the early 90s. But he was so fun,” he chuckled. “He was my best friend.”

Gabin softly kissed Tobias’s shoulder. “I’m sure he would’ve been so proud.”

“Oh, probably not,” Tobias laughed. “He much preferred if I went into theatre or singing. He hated dancing.”

It was these moments, these little glimpses into the life that Tobias had before moving to Paris, getting to know these parts that he usually kept hidden. 

Tobias had grown up loved, and that was the most important thing, and now Gabin was becoming apart of that family. 

“So, when are you going to pop the question?” Leo asked one night as Gabin and him stood outside with the snow gently coming down. 

“Ah, pardon? My English…”

“Your English is fine, Gabin. Don’t play dumb,” Leo shook his coat off slightly, looking at him. “He moved to France permanently to be with you, he brought you here for Christmas. We never met Kevin. Well, we did when we went to see the shows, but we never properly met him.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Unless he has already proposed to you,” Leo continued. “And you just haven’t told us…” 

“Non, we are not engaged. Marriage is just a big commitment.”

“People who say that are doing it wrong. You know how long we’ve been married? 46 years. We survived Berlin, Moscow, London, and having five children. Five. Who in their right mind has five children?” 

“Mr. Bell….”

“Please, call me Leo. I insist.” he swept some hair out of his face, looking Gabin. “You love him, Gabin. That much is clear. You love him. Tobias is different, not in a bad way, I love him. But Tobias has always experienced the world differently to other people. When he loves, he loves so deeply, he feels things so deeply and he stopped trying to use words to explain that but instead he uses dance, and you are his muse.”

“I’m smoking a joint!” Uma called, sticking her head round the corner. “Anyone wish to join?”

“Sure,” Gabin pulled away, but Leo caught him, giving his elbow a squeeze. 

“Gabin, I’m being serious,” he took a deep breath. “There is nothing to be ashamed about.”

Gabin looked at Leo, and he knew the man was right. He did love Tobias, words failed to capture it. How could he even begin to explain? That Tobias had seen him, had given him the chance to be someone. 

Tobias was his heart, his soul. His North Star and his morning song. 

“So, dad gave you the talk?” Uma brought Gabin to the rooftop. They huddled together with the Christmas lights creating a soft glow on the horizon. 

“What talk?”

“Oh, we been placing bets on who will propose to who. We think ma has been talking to Tobias as well, trying to like parent-trap you or some shit.” Uma lit the joint, taking a deep inhale. “You’re much better than Kevin, if I may say.”

“I heard.”

“Kevin was boring as shit,” she shook her head. “Always smelt of hand sanitizer.” 

“Marriage is a big commitment,” Gabin repeated, and Uma shrugged.

“Sure. But what if that’s just something you keep telling yourself because you’re scared?”

She did maybe have a point. 

It’s not that Gabin was scared to be in a relationship with Tobias. He wasn’t. He was very happy with his relationship, but part of hm was afraid. 

Gabin was afraid that someday Tobias would wake up, and discover that he never actually cared for Gabin. 

That this was all fake. 

“You know, it’s weird having a famous brother,” Uma passed the joint to Gabin. “Like, sure I got employee of the month one time, but then Tobias rocks up with some fucking Tony award. Don’t ask me what he does, but he does it well, I guess. Then I saw you dance in Paris, and suddenly his work made sense to me. You made his work make sense to me,” she looked. “I think you are the missing piece in the Tobias jigsaw.”

“Are you high?”

“So high,” she smiled. “Look at the Christmas lights.”

The glow on the horizon was a mixture of blue, gold, orange, and green. Each light seemed to dance like the stars in the sky. 

“I love him,” Gabin admitted.

“Gay,” Uma murmured back. “Don’t propose to him over Christmas. That’s stupid.”

“You literally just told me too?”

“Yeah, but I’m high. And Gran Bell takes the birth of Jesus very seriously.” 

“Happy birthday, Jesus,” Gabin said, raising his joint to the sky. 

“Happy birthday, Jesus!” Uma called. 

It was strange, how Gabin had never met these people before and yet, he couldn’t feel more at home. Each one of them made time for him, spoke to him with kindness and Gabin felt like he was apart of the family. 

He found Tobias later, leaning on the doorframe under the mistletoe. 

“Are you on the naughty or nice list?” Gabin grinned, resting his hand on Tobias’s hip. 

“I think it depends who you ask,” Tobias tilted his head. “Definitely think if you ask Jack, it’d be the naughty list. Though I think my gran would say the nice list.”

Gabin smiled at him, “I think you’re on the nice list.”

“You’re legally obligated to say that as my étoile.”

Tobias smelt of cinnamon and mulled wine, the fire casting a deep orange glow on his face as the shadows flickered around him. 

“You know, Santa is coming tonight,” he smiled. “Bringing presents.”

“We didn’t have Santa when I was a kid.”

There was a flicker of something, a softness, and with such tenderness, Tobias touched Gabin’s cheek before kissing it. “I’ll make sure Santa stops for you.”

“Will Lucky not scare Santa away?” 

“Lucky can’t see.”

Gabin snorted, carefully covering it with a cough. He couldn’t laugh. Santa was very serious business. 

“Do you always do this? Every year?”

Tobias nodded, letting Gabin take a sip of the mulled wine. 

“Phoebe… her first kid died. It was no one’s fault, she was premature. Since then, we just kinda always spend Christmas together.”

There was a pause, a brief moment, and then Tobias dropped his head towards Gabin. 

“It means a lot to me, knowing that you’re here.”

“I’m not ready to get married,” Gabin blurted out, making Tobias pull back with a slight frown. “Ok? Neither am I? What is…” Tobias looked at his family, who were wisely trying to hide but Tobias had figured it out. 

“You were trying to get him to propose to me?” He screeched, looking at his father then siblings. “We aren’t ready to get married.”

“Oh, what?” Leo coughed, pretending to tap his hearing-aid. 

“I actually can’t,” Tobias scrubbed his face. “Gabin and I have been taking things slow. I bring him home and suddenly you pounce on him? Corner him into marriage? That’s not fair on Gabin. You don’t know shit about our relationship, and also who gets engaged at Christmas? That’s so cliche. Just because someone breathed in your general direction and you got married doesn’t mean… doesn’t mean I want the same thing.”

“Tobias….”

“Nope. Nope,” Tobias pulled away as his mother stepped closer to him. “Don’t touch me.”

“Please.”

“You didn’t even ask me if that is what I wanted,” he whispered, and somehow his partner sounded so young. “You didn’t ask.”

“Tobi…” Phoebe had came close but Tobias bolted up the stairs, skilfully dodging each of his siblings and parents. 

“You had better go to him,” Tatiana sighed. “We just thought, you know. He’s been alone for so long.”

“That doesn’t mean you can interfere with his life,” he shook his head. “No one ever really knows what’s going on in his head, just because he seems lonely, doesn’t mean he is.”

“No, because he has you,” Phoebe looked at him. 

Phoebe and Elijah were the two siblings that he hadn’t really spent time with compared to Uma. The eldest sister had stern eyes, her lips always forming a thin line. 

“I’ll go see him.”

Gabin could hear the music blaring from the bottom of the stairs, and slowly he poked his head round the door to look at his partner. Tobias was sat on the floor, knees hugged to his chest, trying to almost hide himself, and so quietly, Gabin sat next to him on the floor. 

They didn’t speak, just sat in silence together but Tobias slipped his hand into Gabin’s after a moment. 

“They mean well,” Tobias scrubbed his face. “But I can’t… marriage makes it real, doesn’t it? What if you get tired of me? What if you wake up one morning and you look at me and think, oh. He’s just a stinky and ugly llama and…. And I’m trapped with him.”

“Tobias…”

“I don’t want to be an ugly stinky llama,” Tobias choked out.

“You know, I had the same worries,” he looked at Tobias. “I thought to myself; you’re the most amazing person I know. You mean everything to me, Tobias.”

So tenderly, Gabin felt Tobias press his lips to his. 

He tasted of ginger and nutmeg, mulled wine and cigarettes.

He was Tobias. 

“You mean more than I can ever explain,” he continued. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But not married, yet.”

“Not married yet,” Tobias agreed. 

“Should we tell them we are?” Gabin grinned. 

And so, that was how they ended up pretending to be married that Christmas. Of course, when they eventually got married for real, no one believed them. 

Even when the got married, The Bells didn’t let it go. 

“I love you, my stinky llama,” Gabin whispered under the mistletoe. 

“I love you my Gabin,” Tobias whispered back, returning the kiss.