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Myka almost didn't even realize when Helena first did it.
Gently fluffing the pillows before pulling the comforter up to a comfortable position over Myka, even gently moving strands of hair from the younger woman's face before delivering an innocent kiss to her forehead or cheek.
Helena was tucking her in...and Myka found that she didn't mind it too much. A comfort she almost never had after reaching a certain age. A comfort she was almost sure she didn't experience growing up.
Myka has to admit she did manage to feel strands of guilt lace under her skin, feeling like a disingenuous lover for never thinking to tuck Helena in. Feeling like it should be some kind of innate gesture of affection that she couldn't feel for Helena...
Then she thought about it for a few seconds and managed to connect the dots rather quickly.
It was an act of affection and...muscle memory.
For a long time, it was just Helena and Christina— even when Christina wasn't there. For the years Helena spent in bronze, the only thing on her mind was her daughter, getting back in time to save her daughter.
Her Christina...
It only made sense for Helena to have a habit of tucking in the only other person she ends up loving. Myka, though, couldn't help but feel like she was imposing on something really important; the very idea of Helena loving her almost as much as she loves her own daughter.
It weighed a lot on Myka, as things often did. Similar to how she felt about being able to stop Helena from ending the world. She wondered, oftentimes, why Helena cared so much about her that using herself as some kind of leverage finally convinced Helena that what she was doing was wrong.
Myka didn't know why she always seemed so important to Helena. Being the reason the older woman didn't end the world and now getting tucked in by her... Despite working at the warehouse, Myka didn't feel like she was genuinely very special— even with her eidetic memory.
She's just a woman.
"Myka?" Her very own name sounding unfamiliar for a brief moment before she distractedly gazes up at Helena, who was currently standing next to their bed.
The corner of her mouth tugs as an attempt at a smile, but she felt like it turned into some kind of sad grimace. She then stops trying before saying, "Sorry...I zoned out for a bit."
Helena walks around to the other side of the bed, sliding next to Myka while half-jokingly offering, "A penny for your thoughts..."
Looks like Helena abandoned her plan to tuck Myka in. The woman had to admit that she was a bit disappointed, but she figured Helena didn't try to do the little routine when she felt like it was too obvious.
It was almost always obvious, and both of them knew it.
"Nothing too important..." Poor choice of words since she was, in a roundabout way, thinking about how important she is to Helena.
Helena would think that's important.
Helena would think she's important.
"I mean..." Myka was trying to get better at communicating whatever was on her mind. She looks at Helena after thinking for a moment longer. "It's...I just— I just wanna know what makes you think I'm...so important..."
The words were slow, but it was obvious Myka was forcing them out with an unsteadiness. Helena looks at Myka before slipping her hand onto the back of the younger woman's hand, stilling the fiddling she was sure Myka didn't even realize she was doing.
"Do you crave praise, darling?" Helena asks, lightly gripping Myka's hand before lifting it to her mouth and gently kissing it while humming sweetly.
"Not praise...and not exactly...reassurance...?" Myka brings her free hand up before scratching her forehead with her thumb. "I don't know... I don't..." She struggles to say while closing her eyes tightly, as if she'd find the answers— or even questions— behind her eyelids.
"Where is this coming from?" Helena slowly asks while putting her hand on Myka's shoulder, knowing she'd need a more grounding touch.
Myka opens her eyes as Helena's voice and touch helped soothe the confusion in her head. She takes a deep breath, figuring out where to start.
"I noticed— I think both of us noticed— that you tuck me in," Helena nearly winced, and it almost amused Myka, "and I really don't mind it, honestly...but I thought about a lot more than I should have... Not only the fact that I don't show you the same amount of affection, but," She stops herself before she could even think of going off on a tangent about something completely unrelated.
"I figured that the only other person you used to tuck in was...was Christina," Myka pauses a bit for some reason, finding the words difficult to work from her throat, "and I noticed that you started doing that to me— tucking me in..."
Helena moves her hand from Myka's shoulder before leaning back and crossing her arms while nodding, processing the information Myka shared. To her surprise, Myka kept going.
"I just want to know why I'm that important to you... I'm just a woman— and I know you're a woman too, but you've done amazing things, a-and even the impossible—"
Helena shifts her position, sitting in front of Myka before leaning forward as she gently rests her palm on Myka's cheek, stopping her from rambling. "Myka, calm... Breathe, please." She softly demands.
Myka didn't realize, until a tear slid from her eyelash, that she was crying. She could cry harder from embarrassment, but that would only add more to the humiliation. It wasn't often that she cried in front of anyone— which might be something she'll be working on for a long time— or so easily.
Myka shudders while trying to control her breathing, angry with how much this seemed to tear her apart.
Simply being important to someone...
Why?
Myka takes another breath when she felt Helena press soft kisses to her face, slowly lifting her hands to Helena's face before holding her steady for a light kiss on the lips. Kisses always helped her feel better.
It makes Myka feel pathetically sappy.
It wasn't a bad thing, Myka realizes.
"I don't know what's so special about me... I guess the fact that it could have been anyone who could have done what I did... What bothers me is the fact that I'm really not special but you just seem to love me despite everything— it could have been anyone—"
"Stop it, Myka." Helena breathes, near exhaustion coating her somber tone. "Please, look at me..." She softly spoke, watching as Myka's glassy eyes slowly look at her.
"You're so concerned about other outcomes, other possibilities, that you don't realize that they don't matter..." Helena says, letting her words land before continuing. "There are endless possibilities of anything else happening— and even if someone else replaced you, I would go seek you out and make sure you're the one who saves me."
Myka stares silently, a slight smile at the corner of her lips while she wipes her eyes before she softly laughs out, "I'm not sure that would be reasonable or possible..."
"Unimportant, darling..." Helena softly laughs while kissing Myka's cheek before pulling back. "But...possible or not, all of that doesn't matter. Have you ever thought that I'm important to you because I was the one bronzed and not some other famous author...?"
She pauses for a period of time, letting the question marinate before saying, "While I did learn the hard way, there are some times when I find that knowing you can't change the past isn't too bad... Nothing will ever alter what brought us here, and that's reassurance enough for me."
Myka presses her lips together for a brief moment before shaking her head a bit and saying, "I'm... I'm sorry— my mind is just..."
"It scares you to know you mean so much to someone... Someone like me." Helena points out while moving to sit next to Myka once again.
Myka sighs before saying, "Compared to everything that's happened to you— hell, to us— the fact that you're so loving towards me." She then rubs the side of her face while closing her eyes in irritation. "Maybe I'm just sleepy... Crying and rambling about nonsense."
"Nonsense or not, I still care about what's going through your mind..." Helena mumbles. "And I think it's a wonderful thing that we end up falling in love despite what we went through... The fact that I can still have a tether to the world— someone who manages to love me, and someone I managed to love despite all the hate that almost consumed my soul..."
Myka leans back against the pillows before looking off to the side and saying, "It's a big deal... Learning how to feel love again for someone."
Helena cuddles into Myka before smiling softly while saying, "You made it feel easy...it's easy to love you." She rests her chin against Myka's shoulder before saying, "But sometimes, it's hard to communicate that you're important to me and I love you...all because of that brilliant but stubborn muscle in your skull."
Myka manages a laugh before she turns her head, lightly kissing Helena's nose before saying, "I love you so much, Helena..."
Helena only laughs softly before giving Myka a kiss on the lips— one that lasted longer than their last kiss. She wraps her arms around the slightly taller woman before deepening the kiss, humming softly when Myka kisses with just as much passion. By the time they pull apart, Helena had noticed Myka's hand slipped under her shirt, caressing her waist.
Helena quietly purrs with a grin on her face, teasing while turning her back to Myka, "Are you trying to start something you can't finish..."
"I just want to feel you..." Myka mumbles, keeping her hand under Helena's shirt and pulling her closer. "I'm not trying anything... I just wanna cuddle." She says almost too innocently— as if she wasn't entirely sure she even believed her own words.
Helena's eyelids fluttered as she felt Myka's lips brush her shoulder and the back of her neck.
Feeling this was nice.
Feeling Myka behind her, holding her almost as close as possible (leaving room to maneuver), was delightful.
It felt as if Myka was trying, with all her might and every ounce of her being, to make sure nothing could ever hurt Helena again. Despite the fact that both of them knew that Helena was more than capable of protecting herself, Helena couldn't help but melt into the warmth that surrounded her most nights.
Helena could tell that Myka was unaware, but she had her own way to show her affection. She does it through protection, and that was something Helena really did love about Myka. The protection of her beautiful woman was a feeling nothing else seem to measure up to...
Though, right now, all Helena was feeling was Myka's lips on her neck and shoulders.
"Are you sure you're not trying to start something...?"