Archive of Our Own

Penelope Featherington made the absolute right decision. At least she thinks she made the right decision.

She’s always been a second-guesser, so she shouldn’t be surprised she’s having second thoughts about declining an invitation to spend the holidays with the Bridgertons at Aubrey Hall.

With every passing minute, with every falling snowflake, she loses more resolve. It was the first Christmas snow in London in 20 years, and most people seemed to be lying low, as she hadn’t seen much foot traffic. She sits on the window seat of her big bay window, which overlooks the street below. Snow had been falling for over an hour, and the thick white blanket lay gently over the sidewalk and street. Christmas lights began to disappear beneath it.

It hadn’t been an easy decision to skip Bridgey Christmas by any means. Declining the invitation felt abnormal. Wrong. Unnatural. Growing up, she lived for summers and holidays at Aubrey Hall with her second family, thanks to her best friend of nearly 20 years, and now roommate, Eloise. Anything to get away from her actual family for a few weeks at a time.

Eloise hadn’t been thrilled with Penelope’s decision. She’d probably be even more upset if she were to admit the real reason why she wasn’t going.

“Pen, I hate the idea of you being in London alone all week. It’s Christmas! You should be with the people who love you most in the world,” Eloise had pleaded the day before.

“I know, but I’ll be fine! I have so much work to do. If I don’t get my final chapters to my editor by the new year, I swear they will take my advance back! I need peace and quiet so I can concentrate,” she reasoned. “It’s better this way!”

Penelope had been working on her second novel in her Wallflower series. With the success of her first book, she was given a rather large advance to complete the next one. If this one was successful, she’d receive an even bigger advance to write a third.

The truth was, she had finished the chapters of her latest manuscript and sent it to her editor a month ago, well ahead of schedule. It turns out that being heartbroken provides an abundance of inspiration, and she had a ton of extra time on her hands to do nothing but write.

“You’re not lying to me, are you? This doesn’t have to do with—“

“Absolutely not!” Pen said flatly, cutting her off.

“Alright, just making sure. Because I’d rather you be there than him. And I think half the family feels the same.”

“You’re ridiculous. He’s your brother, and you love him.” And so do I, she thought. “He has nothing to do with it. I really just need to get this done. It’s one Christmas. I will survive! I promise,” she said as convincingly as she could.

She didn’t even believe her own bullshit, so she was sure Eloise could see right through it. But Pen was relieved when she let it go and went back to her room to finish packing. She left for Aubrey Hall an hour later, leaving her alone in the eerie emptiness of her flat.

Penelope had always relished being around Eloise, her parents, and her seven siblings. With so many people in the household, one would think Penelope would get lost in the shuffle. What was one more child running around a house full of rambunctious kids? But Penelope was never lost among the Bridgertons. Sure, her curly auburn hair stuck out like a sore thumb among a sea of brown hair. But she was always treated as a member of the family. They included her in family vacation photos. She had her own seat at Sunday Brunch at Number Five. She had been a bridesmaid in both Daphne and Anthony’s weddings. All the Bridgerton nieces and nephews call her "Auntie Pen.” They were more excited about her getting published than her own family.

Penelope had been celebrating Christmas at Aubrey Hall consistently for the past seven years. So, really, declining the invitation, or rather, letting them know she couldn’t make it, felt more like a piece of their family was missing, like all of Violet Bridgerton’s babies weren’t all together for Christmas.

Growing up, Christmas had always felt magical. Her father loved Christmas and would make a huge deal about decorating the tree together, making a roast on Christmas Eve, and assuring there were loads of gifts under the tree. He procured a playlist that consisted of the same five CDs every Christmas morning. Pen was much closer to her father than her mother; therefore, she loved the same things he did, including reading, eclairs for dessert, and Christmas.

When her father passed away unexpectedly while she was in uni a few months before Christmas, her mother decided to go on a cruise to the Caribbean “to grieve” alone, without Penelope or her sisters. The Featherington sisters were upset, but not completely shocked, at their mother’s lack of compassion for them. Her older sisters had boyfriends they could spend the holidays with. But Penelope has no one and nowhere to go over Christmas, so she decided to stay on campus through the holidays.

When Violet found out about the situation, she was fit to be tied. Penelope would spend the holidays at Aubrey Hall, and that was that.

Penelope worried it was too much, and that she was imposing on their lovely holiday. But the Bridgertons never made her feel like she was a burden. They treated her like she was an important part of their family, like she was supposed to be there.

And they made sure to make that first Christmas without her dad special. Violet cooked a roast, using her father’s recipe, on Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning, she noticed the playlist included songs from the exact albums her dad had played every Christmas morning. Then, she was directed to sit by her own pile of gifts—cozy jumpers, new books, a few gift cards to her favorite shops and restaurants around campus. She was overwhelmed in the best possible way.

The most amazing gift she received that morning was an ornament from Colin, Eloise’s older brother, whom Penelope had the biggest crush on since she met him. The ornament was a glass feathered quill, outlined in glittered gold.

“It reminded me of you when I saw it at the shops, since you love writing, and your last name has the actual word ‘feather’ in it, obviously. But it’s also said that feathers are a sign that someone is watching you from heaven. So I thought…maybe it can represent your dad, that he’s still here with you,” Colin said nervously.

Penelope’s eyes had welled up (she was barely holding it together as it was). Colin’s kindness and thoughtfulness completely blew her away. He took the ornament and placed it on the giant Christmas tree, and when he was finished, she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. It was the moment her silly little crush evolved into full-blown love. Colin blushed, rubbed the back of his neck, and asked, “What was that for?”

“For reminding me that I’m not as alone as I have been feeling,” she whispered.

Penelope had always been friendly with Colin. He was closer in age to his sisters than his older brothers, so he always found himself hanging around with the girls, whether it was watching movies, playing games, or going to the cinema.

Her friendship with Colin was always easy. They had a lot in common: both loved to read and write, shared similar tastes in movies and music, and had the same sense of humor. Where Penelope was the yin to Eloise’s yang, Colin and she were always on the same wavelength. It drove Eloise crazy when they’d go off on tangents about one topic or another, or, God forbid, they’d spend time alone together. But their friendship had always been limited to when they saw each other in person.

But that Christmas changed things.

Colin graduated from uni the spring before, and he decided to travel that summer. He wanted to write, but he didn’t have much to say…yet. And he thought traveling would help him figure things out. The biggest takeaway from those early trips was how much he loved and appreciated good food, so he thought he’d make a decent chef. He enrolled in a culinary school in Paris, which started the following January after Pen’s first Christmas at Aubrey Hall.

Penelope sent him a quick email wishing him well at the start of school, and Colin wrote her back. Before they knew it, they were emailing each other every other day about school, life, and everything in between.

One day, Colin texted Penelope a picture of his first-ever perfect French omelette, and their emails melded into texting. Eventually, calls and FaceTimes started, and Penelope had another best friend in Colin. Of course, she was also very much in love with him, but she also loved their easy friendship.

By the next Christmas, Colin gifted her another ornament for the Bridgerton Christmas tree, an Eiffel Tower replica. Throughout the next several years, he would gift her a glass eclair (her favorite dessert), a stack of books (because of her love of reading), a teacup (because she had switched from coffee to tea that year), and a yellow canary (because the color yellow reminded him of her).

After school, Colin gained experience in various restaurants in France, Italy, and Greece, but the more he spent behind the scenes, the more he felt like something was missing, as he told Penelope one night over FaceTime. Because he loved writing and he loved food, she suggested he start a food blog. So, on his off days, he would try new restaurants and food, hidden gems in whatever city he was working in at the time, and write about his experience. He’d take trips around each country when he could string together multiple days off, and he included tips for reaching more secluded parts of the country to experience their culture, which was usually different from that of the more touristy cities. The blog gained a huge following, and he was eventually able to monetize it to earn extra money, not that he needed it with his trust fund.

Their friendship never wavered through Colin’s travels and Penelope’s budding career as an author. They were in constant contact, texting throughout the day with any thoughts that popped into their heads—one continuous conversation. Even so, when Penelope read Colin’s posts, she was always enthralled by his writing, as if she were learning about these experiences for the first time.

Eventually, the London Times came calling and offered Colin his own column, recreating the magic of his blog there. But they wanted it to be more London-centric, with special travel columns every few months. Bottom line, it meant coming home permanently, and Colin jumped at the chance.

Penelope had never been happier to have him back in London full-time. The more time they spent together in person, especially during their many lunch outings and Bravo nights, the more she thought maybe he was feeling the same way about her as she felt about him. He never seemed to date, and if he did, he didn’t tell her about it. And she hasn’t been on a date in ages and had no intention to, especially with Colin back.

But she was always too afraid to be honest about her feelings, worried she would ruin the amazing, beautiful friendship they had. And she always thought she’d rather have him in her life as a friend than nothing at all.

Before they knew it, it was Christmas again. When Penelope had arrived at Aubrey Hall, an extra special aura was buzzing throughout the home. The decorations seemed grander, the lights seemed brighter, the food was more delicious, and Colin was more handsome and charming than ever.

They spent almost every moment they could together. Even Eloise backed off from her usual competition with Colin for Penelope’s attention. Colin suggested they help the nieces and nephews make gingerbread houses. He refused to be partners with anyone other than her during game night. He invited her on long, brisk walks along the grounds and volunteered to go to the shops for Violet when she needed ingredients for Christmas Eve dinner.

Penelope also noticed Colin had been more affectionate than ever — lots of hugs, moving her hair out of her face, light brushes of his fingers to the back of her hand, or touching the small of her back to let her enter rooms first. She felt—no, she knew— something had changed with him. And she dared hope that her longing for him might not be unrequited any longer. She thought that maybe she should be brave and tell him how she felt to find out if he felt the same. But she’d wait until closer to the end of their trip so that if she had misread the situation, they wouldn’t be stuck in a house together, and she could lick her wounds back in London.

As Christmas morning arrived, the usual chaos of the gift exchange began, wrapping paper flying and Bing Crosby crooning in the background (in honor of Penelope’s father), and the children were playing with their new toys. Then, Colin approached her with a small wrapped box.

“Happy Christmas, Pen,” was all he said. He looked nervous, almost like he had the first time he’d given her an ornament six years earlier.

She slowly tore into the brown paper and opened the box. Inside, nestled in a cushion of soft white cotton, was the most beautiful ornament she had ever seen: a heart, delicately crafted from folded paper. As she picked it up, she realized the paper wasn’t blank. Looking closer, they were the words from her favorite book, Persuasion.

“I found a lady at the Christmas Village who makes ornaments from books,” he said hesitantly. When she didn’t respond, too stunned to speak, he continued. “She didn’t have any ornaments made from Persuasion, so I commissioned one especially for you.”

The heart was so delicate and intricate, yet the heart inside her chest was doing somersaults and rapid speed. It must have cost him a fortune to have something like this made. It took so much thought and care. Only someone who truly knew her was capable of giving her a gift like this. Dare she say, someone who loves her?

“Colin,” she whispered, her voice low and thick. “I don’t know what to say. This is the most amazing gift, I just— thank you so much.” She wrapped her arms around him without thinking, forgetting that there was an entire room of people around them. He hesitated for only a moment before he returned the embrace just as fiercely.

They broke apart slowly, Penelope’s hands still wrapped around his neck, and his at her waist. They stared at each other, and she felt the air shift, as if it grew thick and heavy. She was suddenly aware of her heartbeat, which grew more rapid with every moment. Even in a room full of Bridgertons, she heard nothing other than her heartbeat and Colin’s breath.

“Let me see what ornament Colin got you!” screamed Hyacinth, jumping onto both of them, and the moment was shattered. By the time everyone had gotten a closer look at her new ornament, Colin was gone.

Later that afternoon, Penelope had worked up enough courage to approach Colin, but she hadn’t seen him since he disappeared after the gift exchange. She checked all his usual haunts — the kitchen, his bedroom, the library — but she still couldn’t find him. She decided to head back toward the drawing room and try to find him later, but she heard voices coming from Anthony’s study that sounded heated and desperate. As she got closer, she recognized the voices as belonging to Colin, Anthony, and Benedict.

She knew she shouldn’t eavesdrop, but Colin sounded angry and frantic, and she was worried about him. She knew Anthony could be hard on him for one reason or another, and wanted to be close by to support him if he needed to vent.

“Those ornaments mean more to her, and you know it. But this one in particular has to mean something else, Colin. It has to mean more than just mere friendship.”

“Yeah, and the way you’ve been following her around like a puppy dog all week. You’re in love with her, just admit it.”

Oh God, Anthony and Benedict were talking about her and Colin.

“I am not in love with her, alright? She is my friend, nothing more. I would never dream of being with her that way. Not in your wildest fantasies!"

Penelope was rooted to the spot where she stood just outside the door. There was no mistaking that the voice belonged to Colin.

Suddenly, the door to the study swung open to reveal Colin and his shocked face.

“Pen—“

Sure, he looked regretful, but something inside of her just snapped. Her heart shattered the moment those words left his lips and reached her ears. Anger rose from her belly, and suddenly, she was irate.

“I don’t seem to remember ever having asked you to love me, or to so much as be with me, so I don’t know where you get off declaring me so unworthy of you so assuredly. If you’ll excuse me.”

She could feel tears start to burn her eyes, so she took off as quickly as her legs could move her. She needed to get as far away from him as possible.

“Pen! Wait!” Colin screamed after her, but for some reason, he didn’t run after her. A part of her wanted him to, but it was for the best that he kept his distance.

She ran right up to the third floor of the family wing to her room and slammed the door. She felt as if she was on fire from the inside out. Her tears spilled over, unable to stop. She had been so sure he loved her. The years of thoughtful gifts, the countless conversations, their silly inside jokes, their shared love of reading and writing, the passing glances and gentle touches, the thoughtfulness and kindness, their friendship, gone in an instant.

Penelope spent the rest of the night in her room, claiming she was feeling ill, and left early the next morning for London, saying her mother had returned from her Christmas trip early and wanted to see her. Colin called her and texted her constantly, but she didn’t want to speak to him, so she blocked him. She couldn’t bring herself to give him a chance to explain. She already knew what he would say.

It wasn’t until Eloise returned to their flat after the new year that she found out what had happened. Not just what Colin had said, but all of it. The years of her loving him and hoping he loved her back, only for him to reject her so viciously and so callously.

Eloise tried to speak up for Colin, “Pen, he was absolutely distraught after you left. I’ve never seen him so upset. I think if you give him a chance to explain—“

“There is nothing to explain. He doesn’t love me!” Pen said, her tears flowing down her cheeks. “Which is fine, but I thought he at least cared about me as a person, as a friend. I never imagined he could be so cruel. And it wasn’t even to my face! He had said it behind my back, which is even worse!”

Eloise could say nothing else other than, “My brother is an idiot.”

“I just need a break from him. I’ll unblock him eventually; he just needs to leave me alone for a while.”

The “break” lasted an entire year. Penelope threw herself into writing. She went on dates. She avoided Bridgerton family functions as much as she could, but when she was forced to be in the same room as Colin, Eloise was always there as her buffer. The first couple of times they saw each other, Colin tried to talk to her, but Penelope or Eloise would shut it down immediately. Eventually, he stopped trying. In August, she was finally willing to speak to him again, so she unblocked him. But he never once texted her. Granted, she didn’t tell him she had unblocked him, but she thought maybe he would try to contact her at some point. She felt foolish to think that he would have kept trying all that time.

The effects of their icy relationship were felt throughout the entire family. The holidays were coming up, and she still hadn’t worked up the courage to approach him again, and he hadn’t tried to approach her. Which is why she decided she wouldn’t subject the family to the awkwardness. She completely removed herself from the situation. She’d never let anyone know that was the reason. Under it all, she still cared about Colin—and wanted him to have a nice Christmas with his family. While the Bridgertons had always felt like family, and they always treated her like family, she had to remind herself that she wasn’t actually a member of the family.

So, here Penelope sits, perched on her window seat, an abandoned copy of Persuasion on her lap, watching the snow fall. She knows she made the right decision, but she’s never felt more alone in her life.

Her flat is lit by the soft glow of the Christmas tree in the far corner of the room. None of Colin’s ornaments adorn it, since they all live at Aubrey Hall on the Bridgerton Christmas tree. She’d give anything to be able to look at them now, to see the physical proof of the way Colin cared about her all those years until he didn’t.

God, she missed Colin so much, to the point that her heart felt like it was breaking over and over again. If she hadn’t eavesdropped. If she had heard him out. If she had stayed that Christmas, they could have worked it out. If she had hoped a little less. If she hadn’t been so desperate for him to love her. If she could have just been happy with their beautiful friendship as it was. If she weren’t so greedy. They’d still be friends. She’d be just sitting down to Christmas Eve dinner next to him, with the rest of the family, and playing charades later.

But he must not want anything to do with her either, because she unblocked him, and he hasn’t tried to reach out to her since. Serves her right for blocking him in the first place. He’s given up on her. And she has no one to blame but herself.

It’s only 6:30 p.m., but she might as well go to bed and sleep off the rest of this awful day, because she’ll only have more nothingness to look forward to tomorrow. Penelope gets up from the window seat and starts to turn toward her bedroom when something catches her attention in her peripheral vision out the window.

A dark figure is trudging through the snow, crossing the street, and walking up her front steps, and disappears through her front door. It must be her downstairs neighbor coming in, because who else would have a key to let themselves in?

She turns back toward her bedroom and is interrupted by frantic knocks on her door. She nearly jumps out of her skin at the harsh sound.

Still thinking it’s her downstairs neighbor, maybe a package had arrived that she missed, and he was bringing it up to her. She rushes to her door to open it, and nearly passes out at the sight in front of her.

“Colin?”

✨ 🎁 ✨ ❤️ ✨ 🎁 ✨ ❤️ ✨

Colin Bridgerton made the absolute right decision. At least he thinks he made the right decision.

He’d never been a second-guesser; he always jumped into things with both feet.

However, as he drives through a blizzard back to London, he can’t help but think he may not have thought this through.

Having such an adventurous spirit has always served him well. After he graduated from uni, he had the opportunity to go on a three-month trip around Europe, during which he fell in love with the food and culture of each country he visited. Then, when an opportunity for him to apply to culinary school in Paris presented itself, he took it with both hands. After he graduated, he never had a problem finding work in various restaurants throughout France, Italy, and Greece, using his connections to gain as much experience as possible. And when someone special to him suggested he write about his experiences during his free time, he created a successful blog that earned him enough money to rival his trust fund.

Yes, Colin seized every opportunity he’s ever been given without questioning his choices. That is, until Penelope Featherington.

She was his one blindspot. The one person, the one aspect of his life he couldn’t jump into with both feet for fear of ruining everything.

Their friendship had grown so naturally over the years and really took off after Christmas seven years before. They had always been friendly, but after he was abroad, she was the one person from home he consistently corresponded with, to the point where his day didn’t feel complete without hearing from her.

She was his very best friend, and he relished the time he got to spend with her, whether through FaceTime or in person, especially over the holidays at Aubrey Hall. Her first time attending was the Christmas after her father passed away. And since he was also a card-carrying member of the Dead Dad Club, he wanted to make sure she felt included, like she was part of their family. Thus, a tradition was born. He gave her an ornament for the Bridgerton Christmas tree, a quill he had found in a shop in Marylebone. Every Christmas after that, he spent months looking for the perfect one to give her the next Christmas.

Last Christmas, his first back in London permanently after accepting a position with the London Times, he still hadn’t found the perfect ornament two days before leaving for Aubrey Hall. He had been walking through the Christmas Village in Covent Garden, hoping to find something, until he came upon a booth with paper-made ornaments in various shapes. Getting a closer look, he realized they were made from the pages of famous novels. It couldn’t be more perfect for his Pen. He asked the owner if she had any ornaments featuring her favorite book, Persuasion, but she didn’t. When Colin asked the shop owner if he could place a special order, she told him there was no way she could do it before Christmas.

“What if I bring you a copy of the book and pay you 200 pounds? Could you have it done in two days?” Colin asked desperately.

“I can for 300,” the woman said, half expecting Colin to walk away.

“Done!” Colin said enthusiastically.

Colin ran to a nearby bookstore to purchase the book and ran it back to the woman. “You must really love this girl to go through all this trouble for an ornament worth 25 pounds.”

The words struck Colin squarely in the chest.

Love?

Is that what he had been feeling for Pen all this time? He absolutely adored her. She was his favorite person on the planet. She has always been so gentle and kind, witty and intelligent, and she always gives the best advice. She is encouraging of his dreams and really sees him for who he is, without judging him, flaws and all. She was also so beautiful, just a ray of sunshine, and… oh God, he really was in love with Penelope.

He has no idea when it happened, but he definitely loved her. The words of this random woman clicked the switch that connected his brain to his heart.

But Penelope was his best friend, and he had no idea if she felt the same way. And to be honest, he didn’t think he was brave enough to find out. This realization is too new; he needed time to think about what it all meant and maybe even feel things out to see if she felt the same before he actually had a conversation with her about it.

When he arrived at Aubrey Hall, he didn’t know how to act around her. He tried to be as normal as possible, but he found himself craving her touch and thinking of excuses to be around her. He talked her into making gingerbread houses with the kids and insisted she be his partner during game night. But he fully let his resolve slip when he gave her the custom ornament. She seemed stunned and—nervous? Did his gift make her uncomfortable? Did he reveal too much of himself? He needed to put space between them, so he found solace in his father’s, now Anthony’s, study with a glass of his most expensive whiskey.

After a while, Anthony and Benedict joined him for a drink.

“What troubles you, brother?” Benedict asked curiously.

“Nothing at all, why do you ask?” Colin said, feigning ignorance.

“No reason. You’ve just been awfully quiet and noticeably absent since our gift exchange this morning,” Ben said knowingly, like he was peaking inside Colin’s innermost thoughts.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It was just like his older brothers to give him a hard time at exactly the wrong time.

“I think it has something to do with a certain redhead,” Anthony said teasingly.

Colin scoffed, “Again, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, Col, did she reject you?” Benedict said, poking at his side. He swatted his arm away, annoyance growing by the minute.

“Reject me?” Colin stands up and moves toward the window. “There was nothing for her to reject, as I haven’t even asked her a question.”

Anthony rolled his eyes and said, “For God’s sake, Colin, when are you going to get your head out of your arse and do something about it?”

“Maybe he has done something. That gift was something else,” Benedict added.

Colin could feel heat rising from his chest and up his neck. The only two people on earth who can ruffle his feathers this way are his older brothers. They always know what buttons to push and how to get him so riled up that he explodes.

“For Christ’s sake, it was just an ornament. I give her one every year so she feels included. It’s not a big deal!”

“Those ornaments mean more to her, and you know it. But this one in particular has to mean something else, Colin. It has to mean more than just mere friendship,” Anthony said, annoyed.

“Yeah, and the way you’ve been following her around like a puppy dog all week. You’re in love with her, just admit it,” Benedict said teasingly.

“I am not in love with her, alright? She is my friend, nothing more. I would never dream of being with her that way. Not in your wildest fantasies,” Colin bellowed.

The words sound false to his ears and taste bitter on his tongue. The second they fly out of his mouth, he regrets them. He doesn’t mean them, but he needs his brothers to back off. He needs to get the hell out of that study.

He opens the cracked door wider to exit and comes face to face with Penelope, and his heart sinks. She looks…devastated.

“Pen—“

She wraps her arms around herself as a shield. The hurt is seething off her, her eyes are wet with unshed tears, and her nostrils flare.

She says, “I don’t seem to remember ever having asked you to love me, or to so much as be with me, so I don’t know where you get off declaring me so unworthy of you so assuredly. If you’ll excuse me.”

It’s like he had taken a bullet, right through his heart. She had looked so hurt, and he felt sick for having made her feel that way, especially because he didn’t even mean what he said. In fact, it was the furthest thing from the truth.

“Pen, wait!” He yells and begins running after her. But his brothers come out and stop him, saying to give her some space.

He just wanted to make it right, set the record straight. But she hid out in her room for the rest of the night. The next morning, when he came down for breakfast, Pen was noticeably absent. That’s when Eloise informed him she had left. He was devastated. He had upset her so much that she left. He tried calling her, but she wouldn’t pick up. Eventually, they wouldn’t go through at all. She blocked him, which he deserved, but he couldn’t believe it.

A week had gone by, and Penelope still hadn’t unblocked him. He tried showing up at her flat, but Eloise promptly turned him away, telling him she wasn’t ready to see him.

A month went by, then two, and she still wouldn’t see or talk to him. He tried texting every few days, but his messages kept bouncing back. She hadn’t been showing up to Bridgerton functions, like brunch and birthdays, until his mother’s birthday dinner. It was the first time he laid eyes on her in four months. He nearly lost his breath when he saw her, as beautiful as ever, but there was a sadness written all over her face. He knew it had probably taken all her strength to show up, and his heart ached thinking about how stressed out she must have been, and that he was the cause of it. He needed to at least try to talk to her, but as soon as he approached her, Eloise appeared out of nowhere to intervene.

Penelope began attending the sporadic brunches throughout the next couple of months, but she completely ignored him. So, he stopped trying to approach her. He’d destroyed their friendship, and he needed to accept that she didn’t want anything to do with him.

So, he gave up. For his own mental health, he needed to take a break from the constant rejection and beating himself up. So, he threw himself into work by asking his editor to send him to new countries to write about. He went on dates to try to erase Penelope from his mind, but it was no use. He still thought about her. He still dreamed of her. He was a shell of his former self without Penelope.

How could he have fucked it up so badly? Not only did he break her heart, but he broke his own heart as well. All because he wasn’t brave enough to be honest with Penelope as soon as he knew he was in love with her. He ran away from the feeling, ran away from her before she ran away from him in that hallway at Aubrey. He second-guessed his feelings for her, instead of doing what he’s always done, jumping feet first.

In December, his editor sent him to Finland to visit Santa Claus Village, the world's oldest Christmas Village. The trip would last for two weeks, right up until Christmas Eve. The sights around him were some of the most beautiful he had ever seen. It was as if he were in the actual North Pole. But the feeling of loneliness was so overwhelming that he could barely put a string of sentences together for his article.

There was something so romantic about it that it made his heart ache. He spent a lot of time observing couples and families enjoying the festivities all around him because it was his own personal brand of torture he deserved. If he hadn’t screwed things up, maybe she’d have taken the trip with him and written about how this place is perfect for couples. He imagined Penelope strolling through the village alongside him, holding her mittened hand, maybe stealing a kiss under the glow of Christmas lights. They’d try every food available and get tipsy drinking mulled wine or spiked hot chocolate. She’d offer ideas for what to include in the article and probably help him edit it. They’d shop for little gifts for their niblings, and—he’d find a new ornament to gift her for the tree, he thought sadly.

Colin couldn’t let this Christmas go by without getting her an ornament. It was tradition. Even if she still wouldn’t speak to him, he refused to let this distance go on between them any longer. He would see her at Aubrey Hall for Christmas. It was a mansion, but there was no way she could avoid him for two whole weeks under the same roof. Maybe she was even missing him as much as he was missing her, but she didn’t know how to approach him. So, he would be brave for both of them and convince her to listen to him, hear him out.

First things first, he needed to find the perfect ornament.

✨ 🎁 ✨ ❤️ ✨ 🎁 ✨ ❤️ ✨

Colin felt both nervous and excited as he drove out to Aubrey Hall on Christmas Eve morning. He knew he’d be the last to arrive that afternoon, because his flight from Finland only got in the night before. Rather than driving right to Aubrey, he decided to get a good night’s sleep in his own bed and set out the next day.

It had started snowing lightly, but the roads weren’t bad yet, which he was thankful for. The weather reports expected a very white Christmas, the first in 20 years. The snow would work in his favor, he thought to himself. If things went south, Penelope wouldn’t be able to take off again if they were snowed in. She’d have no choice but to face him, and hopefully she’d find it in her heart to really listen to him.

He would start by explaining himself and his comments last year and beg for her forgiveness. And if she was amenable to that, he’d confess his true feelings for her, that he had been in love with her for at least a year, but most likely from that first Christmas he gave her the quill ornament. His priority, though, was getting her back into his life in some way, shape, or form.

When he arrived, he took a deep breath and tried to think positively. He looks at the perfectly wrapped box on the passenger seat.

“It will work. It has to work,” he said out loud to himself, hoping to actually believe it.

He grabbed his luggage from the boot, the bag full of gifts for his family, then looped around to grab Penelope’s gift from the front seat, and entered Aubrey Hall.

He dropped his things in the front hall and made his way to the drawing room, where everyone was gathered watching Elf.

“I’m not too late, am I?” Colin says from the doorway, his long black peacoat still donning tiny droplets of water that used to be snowflakes.

The room erupted, everyone jumping up to greet and hug him. The little ones jumped onto him, pulling at his arms and legs. Amidst the chaos, he scanned the room for a shock of red hair, but Penelope definitely wasn’t in the room with them. She must be in her room or in the library decompressing from the trip.

“Where’s Penelope?” He asked, still looking around as if she were hiding behind a curtain or under the settee.

Everyone looked at him as if they were caught red-handed, like they didn’t know how to answer. His mother bit her bottom lip, her major tell that something was wrong. Anthony and Benedict exchanged looks as if they were having a telepathic conversation: you tell him/no, you tell him. No one spoke. Everyone just stared at him, nervously.

“Come on, where is she?” He asked a little more urgently this time.

He turned his attention toward Eloise, who wore a look of soft pity. The realization hit him at the same time Eloise spoke softly, “She’s not here, Col. She stayed in London.”

It felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Penelope didn’t come to Christmas. Eloise continued to explain, but he didn’t hear any of it. No matter what excuse Pen made up to get out of coming, he knew in his gut she didn’t come because of him. He knew her. He turned to face the doorway, away from the eyes of his family, and he choked back a sob, thinking of Pen spending Christmas alone in her flat because of him.

There was no way in bloody hell he’d let that happen. He turned back around to the worried eyes of his family.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.” Colin turned and began walking back toward the entry hall with purpose. The entire room of Bridgerton’s erupted again, and the noise followed him from where he’d left them.

“What do you mean you’re going?”

“You just got here!”

“It’s Christmas!”

“Colin, the storm!”

“Don’t be like that!”

Colin whipped around and yelled, “HEY!” The cacophony of voices halted immediately.

“Right. I’m going back to London to get Penelope.” He looks around the room, daring anyone to tell him he’s crazy. “I love her, and I refuse to let her spend Christmas alone.”

He bends down to pick up his bag and reaches for the door, but hears Eloise’s voice.

“Hey Col!”

He turns back toward her, but she’s running up to him with something in her hand.

“You know, she unblocked you in August, so I think she’ll let you in. But just in case, here are the keys to at least get into the building.”

Eloise hands him the key and holds his hand with both of hers.

“Good luck. And don’t fuck it up this time!”

✨ 🎁 ✨ ❤️ ✨ 🎁 ✨ ❤️ ✨

It took Colin over three hours to get from Kent to Penelope’s flat in Notting Hill when it should have taken no more than an hour and a half. The snow on the drive back to London was far worse than it had been on the way out; visibility was so poor, he could barely see three feet in front of him. He was profoundly grateful he’d bought the Range Rover a few months earlier, because his old 2015 Audi wouldn’t have stood a chance.

He finally found a space big enough for the car, a short way down the street, and parked. The roads and pavements looked untouched, blanketed in thick snow. Again, thank God for the Range Rover and its massive tires.

He grabbed his bag, tucked Penelope’s gift safely inside his coat to shield it from the snow, and trudged across the street. What had started as a beautiful white Christmas had escalated into a full-blown blizzard. All he could think was that he hoped she’d forgive him—or at least let him inside—because he honestly didn’t know how he’d make it back to his own flat in these conditions.

Colin unlocked the front door to the building and climbed the three flights of stairs to her flat. At the top, he paused for thirty seconds just to catch his breath. Then, before he could lose his nerve, he knocked.

Suddenly, the door opened—

“Colin?”

Penelope stood there, framed by the soft glow of her dimly lit flat. She wore a hunter-green oversized crewneck sweatshirt and black leggings, her hair pulled into a high ponytail with a scrunchie, loose curls escaping to frame her face. Her eyes were wide, bright blue, and rimmed with red, as if she’d been crying.

For a moment, they simply stared at one another. Colin forgot everything he’d planned to say now that she was standing right in front of him. He was a writer. He should have written it down. Except he couldn’t exactly write while driving through a blizzard.

Next thing he knew, she launched herself at him. At her sudden movement, he froze. Was she about to attack him? But her arms firmly wrapped around his shoulders, and he caught her, lifting her off the ground. They embraced tightly, neither one willing to be the first to let go.

Eventually, Penelope loosened her grip and slid down until her feet were firmly planted on the floor.

Colin saw the moment her exuberance turned into uncertainty.

“Colin, what are you doing here?” Penelope asked, her voice small and unsettled.

“Can I come in? It’s fucking freezing in this hallway,” he said, buying himself a few more seconds. And, to be fair, it really was freezing.

She nodded and stepped aside to let him in fully. Colin set his bag down and unbuttoned his coat, carefully pulling her gift from inside.

“Okay,” Penelope said. “Why are you here and not at Aubrey?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Colin replied.

Penelope’s eyes cast downward, such a sadness behind them. “You know why I’m not there, Colin.”

“That’s bullshit, Pen. Aubrey Hall is enormous. You’ve been around me enough this year without having to actually talk to me. Why would you rather spend Christmas alone?”

Furrowing her brow, she responded, “Because—because they’re your family, and I wanted you to have a nice Christmas with them.”

“They’re your family, too,” Colin said pointedly.

“No, Colin. Being like family and being actual family aren’t the same thing.” He noticed her mood begin to shift from sadness to combative.

“What makes you think I wouldn’t have a nice Christmas if you were there?”

“I don’t know,” she answered, flailing her arms.

“You do know. Besides, it looks like you’re stuck with me until it stops snowing. I barely made it through the snow from my car to your door. So, we’re working this out whether we like it or not.”

Penelope’s eyes widened, and then they fell again in defeat. She crossed her arms and turned away, moving toward the window. She knew he was right; there was no way he could leave any time soon, so she might as well rip off the band-aid.

“Why are you here?” she asked again softly, still not facing him.

Because I love you. Because I miss you. Because the thought of you spending Christmas alone is unbearable.

But he couldn’t say it yet. Not out loud.

“Because we have a tradition to uphold,” he said instead confidently. “I brought you a gift.”

Penelope turned back to him, her brow furrowing.

“You came here instead of Aubrey to give me an ornament?”

“Well, technically, I drove to Aubrey. And when I realized you weren’t there, I got back in the car and drove here.”

“You what?” she said. “Colin, that’s insane. You could’ve mailed me the damn ornament.”

“No,” he said firmly. “I needed to see you open it.”

He handed her the box. She hesitated briefly, but then opened it carefully, revealing a golden compass hanging from a red ribbon. She looked back up at him, silently asking for an explanation.

“I was just in Finland, at Santa Claus Village,” he said. “There were a hundred booths selling ornaments. There was one booth that sold all travel-themed items, like planes, boats, and globes. But then I saw the compass and thought of you. I spent so much time traveling over the years, but you were always my constant. If I ever felt lost, you helped me find my way again. It represents home to me, and you, Pen, are home to me. You are my compass.”

Penelope stood there in shock, clutching the compass as it would disappear.

“Being at this gorgeous place got me thinking. If things had been different, you would’ve been there with me. If I’d been braver last Christmas, if I’d told you how I really felt.”

“And how do you really feel?” she asked. She seemed to be breathing heavy, her chest moving up and down at a rapid speed. To be frank, he was breathing rapidly as well.

This was it. Now or never.

“I love you,” Colin said, his voice breaking. “I am so in love with you. I’ve been completely lost this past year without you.” His eyes filled with tears. “It’s been the worst year of my life. I’ve had no direction. I’ve been aimless without you to support, encourage, and guide me. Without you, I didn’t know where I was going at all.”

Penelope had little reaction, as if she wasn’t that surprised, yet the welling of her eyes gave her away. “But, you said…”

“I was lying,” Colin said immediately. “I was still trying to understand my own feelings, and my brothers bombarded me with questions, teasing me about the ornament I gave you and our relationship in general. I was terrified of ruining our friendship because I didn’t know if you felt the same way. I wanted to be absolutely certain before I took that leap, and I wasn’t going to be bullied by those fatwits into admitting anything to them. I wanted you to be the first to know.”

“The things you said, it was like my worst fears about us had been realized, and it just broke my heart. I felt like such a fool.”

He shook his head, “I was the fool! I swear, Pen, I didn’t mean any of it. I have never regretted anything more in my life. I wish I’d walked away the moment they started their shit. I’m not blaming them—I should’ve known my own heart better. I should have been braver. I should’ve told you how I felt the moment I realized it. I should’ve tried harder to get you to talk to me after I fucked it all up.” His voice dropped. “But I was so broken.”

“Oh, Colin,” Penelope said, tears spilling freely down her cheeks, the ornament still clutched in her hand. She set it gently on the coffee table and crossed the room to him. Reaching up, she wiped a tear from his face, her palm warm as she cupped his cheek. He melted into her touch.

“No,” she said softly. “I was stubborn and embarrassed and hurt. And after a while, I did want to talk to you again, but I just didn’t know how to even approach you. I thought I had lost my chance to mend things. And I’ve been in love with you since forever, and—”

Colin caught her hand, holding it between them.

“Wait,” he said, staring at her. “You’re in love with me?”

“Yes,” Penelope said, a watery giggle breaking through. “Crazy in love, actually. Was that not clear?”

“Oh my God,” Colin said with a chuckle.

Penelope continued, “I was going to tell you that night,” she continued, “but then I overheard you and Ant and Ben, and I just—”

“—were devastated,” Colin finished quietly. He let out a small laugh. “God, Pen. We really are something, aren’t we?”

She laughed too. And it was absurd that after a year of silence, of miscommunication and fear and not being brave enough, they were here together on Christmas Eve, snowed in, laughing.

“I’m so sorry,” Colin said, taking both her hands. “I hope you believe me.”

“I do,” Penelope said with a soft smile. “And I’m sorry for being so fucking stubborn. You were my best friend. I should have heard you out. I should’ve let you explain.”

“I think,” Colin said gently, “we both screwed up spectacularly. So, let’s make a promise, right here, right now, that we’ll always be honest with each other.”

“Okay,” Penelope whispered.

“I’ll go first,” he said, leaning down until their foreheads nearly touched. “I’d really like to kiss you.”

She answered him immediately with a kiss, swift, sure, and shocking in the best possible way.

“Well, alright then…” Colin murmured before diving back in, this kiss deeper, fuller. Her hands slid through his still-damp hair as his arms tightened around her waist, lifting her effortlessly off the ground. When his tongue brushed against her lips, asking for permission, she opened to him without hesitation.

He was finally, finally kissing Penelope.

And he was finally home.

✨ 🎁 ✨ ❤️ ✨ 🎁 ✨ ❤️ ✨

Eloise was beginning to worry.

She’d received a brief text from Colin on Christmas morning: We’re all good. She forgave me. Staying at your flat until the roads clear. Merry Christmas, xo.

Penelope had texted her as well, wishing her a Merry Christmas, but with suspiciously few details.

And then… nothing from either of them. Maybe things had gone OK, and they were friends again. Best-case scenario, they finally admitted they were in love with each other.

Either way, Eloise decided to leave Aubrey Hall early and head home to ring in the New Year with Penelope. She planned to surprise her, get drunk on expensive champagne, order dim sum, and catch up properly. They’d either be wallowing or celebrating; either way, she’d be prepared.

When she reached the front door, however, she realized she couldn’t get in. She’d forgotten that she had given Colin her spare key to the building.

She tried calling Penelope, but it went straight to voicemail.

Perfect.

Luckily, her downstairs neighbor chose that moment to leave, and after a bit of polite small talk, Eloise made her way upstairs. Thank God the building and the flat required separate keys, or she would’ve been furious to be locked out of both.

She unlocked the door and stepped inside.

“Pen? You home?” she called.

No answer.

She dropped her bag in her bedroom, which was the one closest to the living room, and that’s when she heard… noises. Strange ones.

Frowning, she walked down the hall. Penelope’s bedroom door was cracked open.

“Pen?” she said cautiously, peering inside.

And then she saw it.

“Oh my—WHAT THE FUCK?!” Eloise screamed, clapping her hands over her eyes.

“OH MY GOD!” Colin and Penelope yelled at the same time. Colin scrambled and collapsed forward, desperately trying to grab a blanket and cover them.

“My eyes! My fucking eyes!” Eloise wailed as she bolted back down the hallway.

Seconds later, Colin and Penelope emerged, somewhat clothed, hair a mess. Colin had hastily pulled on a pair of joggers, while Penelope wore her robe. Both of them were bright red, looking guilty as sin.

Eloise paced the living room.

“I figured when neither of you spoke to me all week that you’d made up and were friends again,” she said sharply. “I even dared to hope you’d finally sorted your shit out and told each other you were in love. But a warning that this flat had become some sort of sex cave would’ve been immensely helpful.”

“We’re so sorry, El,” Penelope said gently. “But in our defense, we didn’t expect you back until tomorrow.”

“Well, excuse me for wanting to surprise you!” Eloise responded, hurt.

“I mean,” Penelope added weakly, “you did technically surprise us. So, you succeeded. Congratulations?”

“No sister should ever have to see her brother’s bare arse in all its glory. I am scarred for life.” Eloise cried as she promptly gagged.

“El, it’s not our fault,” Colin said. “We were snowed in. And there’s only so much telly you can watch. So we’ve been fucking like rabbits to avoid boredom.”

“COLIN!” Penelope yelled, slapping him on the arm. But she wasn’t fooling anyone; she wasn't mad at all.

“The roads have been clear for days, ya know,” Eloise said, crossing her arms.

“They have?” he said innocently, wrapping an arm around Penelope’s hip. “We hadn’t noticed.”

“Oh God,” Eloise groaned. “You two are going to be insufferable. Finish whatever it is you were doing. I’m going to the shops. Knowing this idiot’s been here all week, he’s probably eaten us out of house and home.”

“We are running low on a few things…” Penelope said pensively.

“I can’t help it,” Colin said cheerfully. “I’m a hungry boy. And Pen’s been keeping me very busy, working up an appetite.”

“Bloody hell,” Eloise muttered. “I’m going to be sick. Get it out of your system now, because I am not spending New Year’s Eve watching you two dry-hump all night. And furthermore, if this” pointing at the pair of them “thing is going on with you two is permanent, then we’re going to have to lay some ground rules.”

“Oh, it’s permanent, alright,” Colin said, looking down at Penelope, smiling widely.

“Yup, anything you want, El,” Penelope said cheerfully as she looked back up at Colin with a matching smile.

By the time Eloise grabbed the keys—both sets—and slammed the door behind her, Colin and Penelope were already back in the bedroom, the door firmly shut, locked… and clothes once again abandoned.

Colin looked down into Penelope’s eyes and said, “Now, where were we?”