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Jade switched the note’s positions for what might’ve been the thousandth time—he was long past caring. Everything would be so easy if he just… knew what he was even searching for instead of just looking for obnoxious links in numbers. Algebra never was a subject he was particularly fond of—in other words, he hated it—but he’d already tried all calculations he could come up with.
Nothing.
At some point he couldn’t remember anymore, it started feeling like the bottles decorating the shelves were watching him. His eyes ached. Probably from sleep deprivation, though it could also be from the dust floating in the air, with how things were working out.
None of it made sense.
He glared at those same aggravating numbers as if they’d reveal something if he intimidated them enough.
The way his hand held his head up didn’t reflect the turmoil of emotion bubbling inside him. Gritting his teeth, he pushed the rage down once again. Pressure built in his chest like the knot tying in his throat. His pulse heightened. One of his hands acted on its own, reaching for one of the notes and forming a fist around it. His jaw clenched. Tears swelled in his eyes. He didn’t even notice he was panting until his vision started blurring.
It was like he was a moody teenager lacking control over his emotions all over again.
Perhaps some alcohol would help soothe the sensation—
No, that probably wasn’t the best idea. Tom was right—he was much smarter when he was sober—there was no way he could solve anything if he was chronically drunk.
His body acted on its own accord, ripping him from his seat. “FUCK,” his arm tore the notes to the ground, voice breaking. “I’LL NEVER SOLVE THIS SHIT!”
Jade fisted his own hair, tugging at it as if it would fix anything. The pain didn’t help much.
The world started spinning. His heaving chest only got worse by the second. Everything hurt. A tear rolled from the corner of his eye. The streak led it to his unkept beard, dampening it.
The man dropped back onto the bench—a creak echoing off the bar’s walls.
“Goddamn this place,” he murmured, to no one in particular.
His glassy eyes locked on the scattered notes. Some were trapped by the old, splintering wood, others rested blandly wherever they’d drifted off to.
He just needed a hint. A singular hint. Was that really too much to ask for?
There were still days where he asked himself if it truly was worth it to lose his mind over.
He never came to a conclusive answer.
The sound of footsteps on wood came from outside.
Jade’s heart skipped a beat. Glancing at the window, day revealed itself to him. At least it wasn’t one of those creatures.
A muffled, intelligible and yet familiar voice came through the door. Well, pretty much every voice in town was familiar by now, so it wasn’t much of a surprise. A soft knock pulled him back to reality.
Jade swallowed everything down as the door opened.
“Hey—” Tabitha started, interrupting herself. Her frown was almost audible. “Is this… um… not a good time?”
Jade sucked a deep breath in, running a hand through his hair as he straightened. “No, uh, it’s ok,” his voice was as unconvincing as the state of his living space. “How can I help?”
“Well, I was wondering,” she gave her son a tiny nudge. “If you could perhaps… how do I put this… take care of Ethan for a bit? For me?”
Jade blinked in confusion. “You want me to babysit?”
“Yes.”
“Me?”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want you to babysit him.”
The man got up, doing his best to act casual despite his racing heart. “I mean, sure. Just… a bit surprising that you want me of all people to take care of him.”
Tabitha shrugged, a gesture so futile—yet it seemed to want to burn itself into his mind. “I don’t see the problem.”
“Pretty sure the whole town thinks I’m nuts, but sure.”
“Jade, you don’t really expect me to bring him to Sara, do you?”
Jade wrapped an arm around the child’s shoulders, leading him further inside. “Hell no! Just wanted to make sure you trust me,”
“Of course I trust you,” she turned on her heel, still looking at him, gaze softening as she eyed him. “I just wasn’t sure for some time.”
He thought to see more behind the prominent worry—something he couldn’t quite place. She… trusts me? “Understandable. Hey, what are you even doing?”
The woman sighed. “Sundown is in like, an hour, and I have no idea where Julie is.”
“Do you need help finding her?”
“You doing this already means so much to me. Thank you.” The genuineness with which she spoke made something inside him flutter.
“Sure.”
Flashing a last—soft—smile, Tabitha disappeared, the door clicking shut behind her.
The tension in his muscles loosened. He hadn’t even noticed it building.
“You two really need to get a room,” Ethan mumbled, seemingly eyeing every corner of the room as he took his jacket off, hanging it on one of the benches’ corner.
Heat rushed to the man’s face against his will. “Excuse me?”
“Get a room.” He repeated, turning around and locking eyes as if to make it sink in better. “You should’ve seen the way you look at each other. Ew.”
“I get you didn’t want to come, huh?” Jade went down, a knee bracing against the ground, starting to gather the notes back up. The headache seemed to already want to return.
“You were the first person I thought about, same with mom. I like spending time with you. You’re fun.”
“Wait, really?”
Ethan nodded like someone turned a switch from before, or put new batteries in. “Yup. Oh, are those those weird numbers from the bottles?” The boy speed-walked over, dropping on his knees.
“You bet.”
“Did you get any further?”
“Not really, you wanna help me?”
His eyes lit up like someone gave him his childhood joy back in a shiny bottle on Christmas day. A bright smile painted his face as he nodded again, even more energetically than before. It was contagious.
“Ok, come on,”
***
Ethan switched two notes’ places again, scratching his head. “This puzzle is really hard,”
Jade let his gaze dart through the mess scattered across the table.
It was perfectly organized—one might’ve thought—in lines and rows, easy to see all of them, with just the right distance not to be too tiring to look at. It was far from that, like an alphabet soup with none of the letters forming cohesive words.
“Tell me about it,” he responded, his head thumping harder with every second he glared the numbers down, as if it had a heart of its own. “I’ve been trying to solve this for hours—and I’m not even a step closer.”
“Sounds tough.” The boy picked a paper up, bringing it up to his eyes, inches away, to the point he had to squint to make sense of the writing beyond just random lines. “Why numbers, though?”
“Trust me, kid, if I knew, we’d be out of here a long time ago.”
Ethan stopped.
Something in the man shook, terrified that might’ve said the wrong thing. He looked up.
“You think we’ll get out if we solve this?” Hope nestled in his voice like the glint in his eyes.
The terror turned to something primal—somehow, that kid could make him want to just shelter him from all the coldness and horrors of the world. “Well, who knows? Maybe this is the key.” Jade nudged him in the side with his elbow. “You could see your friends again, you know, at school and all that. How’s school, by the way?”
Ethan shrugged—that same one-sided shrug as his mother. “I’m not the biggest fan. The teachers are nice, but the stuff is weird. I don’t like it, it’s boring.”
“Yeah, I get it, wasn’t my favourite thing either. What grade’re you in, again?”
“Fourth, everyone got a new class this year.”
“Fun. I’ve known Tobey since fourth grade… I mean, I was obviously luckier—I didn’t get stuck in hell, but what I mean is that… I guess that sometimes new classes can be good. You can make new friends.”
Ethan adjusted the way he sat, facing the man. “Ian stayed in my class, but Zoe had to change schools. We still meet when we can, though, so it’s alright,”
Jade nodded, a smile curling on his lips for the first time in what felt like an eternity. “That’s ni…ce…” His eyes caught on the window. “No, no, no,”
Stars started making themselves known as the orange that had painted the sky merely fifteen minutes ago began to fade.
The dawning realization struck him harder than any vision could.
Tabitha wasn’t returning until the next morning. She couldn’t. What if she… no, she’s smart enough not to be outside at night… right?
The man got up, rushing to the door. His palms hit it as he fumbled to lock it. He took a few steps back, still watching it like it could fly open any moment.
Ethan spun around. His breath caught. “Mom,” he whispered, as if it would make her appear in front of the door.
“Hey, kid, it’s alright,” Jade tried masking his own unsureness, walking back to the bench and sitting down. “She’s probably somewhere safe. She’ll come back for you tomorrow.”
“No—” A quiet sob from deep in his throat interrupted him. “Mom— I—”
“Ethan.” The man grabbed his shoulders, turning him away from the window. “Your mother is safe.”
“You— you don’t know that—”
The poor kid. He couldn’t ever imagine the desperation of having a family, and landing in such a hellhole. The uncertainty that you’ll see all of them the next day.
“Yes, I do.” Jade squeezed his shoulders encouragingly. “She’s a smart woman—there’s no way she’s out there. And even if she didn’t go inside, someone surely dragged her in.”
Ethan sniffled, tears streaking his face like the first droplets of rain after weeks of drought. He’d been so strong for so long. It was about time the kid let it out. “But… Julie—” An uncontrollable sob shattered the air as more tears escaped the enclosure his eyes formed.
“It’s been an hour. She found her.”
“No, I—” The boy shook his head desperately, squeezing his eyes shut.
His heart ached—a sharp sting, somehow worse than he imagined a stab would be—at the sight.
So young, and going through so much. He didn’t deserve this—he didn’t deserve any of this.
“Ethan, look,” Jade scooted closer, wrapping his arms around the child’s tiny, shaking body—stiff at first, before relaxing. “We can look for them the moment the sun rises, ok?”
Ethan held onto him like a lifeline. “He’ll be so mad,” he sobbed.
The man’s blood ran cold for only a second before beginning to boil. Despite having a feeling that he already knew the answer, he still asked, “Who?”
He looked up through teary eyes, seemingly shaking to his core. “You— You know who,” the kid’s voice broke. “Jim—my father.” He spoke like the words were bitterer than citric acid.
He was right.
Jade pulled him closer.
“It’s alright. Let it all out. I’m here. We’ll solve this.” Ethan buried his face in the man’s shirt, his tears dampening it. “Shhhhh, I’ve got you. It’s alright.”
It took long until the boy’s breathing steadied.
The weak lightbulb shining warm light was the only thing granting light when those fateful words echoed in the bar, “Thanks… dad,” Ethan drifted off to sleep.
Two words. Was that really all it took to shake Jade to his core? But those two words kept him up for the rest of the night, replaying like a broken record.
He’d never been called ‘dad’ before.
A shiver ran down his spine, knots tying in his stomach. And yet, the smile spreading across his face refused to stay down. Bliss coursed through his body faster than any dose of alcohol or drugs could ever.
He liked it.
Despite never having thought about having a child, Jade found himself taking comfort in this child looking at him as a father figure. It didn’t make sense, but he didn’t really care.
The most important thing in that moment was Ethan. If it came down to it, he was sure that he’d sacrifice himself if it meant saving the child. He could only imagine that this was how it felt to be a father.
Not like he could ever experience it anymore. There was no way he’d have a child anymore—42 was way too late, for his personal taste—and he didn’t even know if he’d make it out alive.
For the first time since they met, he was jealous of Jim.
***
The sun broke past the horizon, shedding light onto the town and casting long shadows. It was like it wasn’t even there through the grey clouds forming a creeping dome. The creatures slowly retreated to the forest as if nothing ever plagued the night.
Jade opened his eyes from resting them—it was the next best thing after sleeping. His heart raced with the possibility of what they might find out there. Despite how long he’d spent convincing Ethan that it would end well, he wasn’t sure.
His entire body ached from sitting in the same position the entire night, spine feeling like it had melted together to take the shape.
Yet, he could only worry that the night might’ve been cold to the little boy. The bar had the obnoxious tendency to turn into a refrigerator at night.
“Ethan?” Jade spoke quietly, as if he wasn’t even trying to wake him. “Ethan, wake up.” The kid stirred, a quiet groan sounding out of him as he turned, back bracing against the man. “Ethan. Come on, buddy,”
“Just five more minutes…” he murmured, turning over again.
An amused chuckle bubbled in the man’s throat. “Come on, kid, you’re not going to school.”
Ethan cracked an eye open, gazing up at him. “Oh… Hi!”
Jade ruffled his hair. “Morning, kid.”
The boy tilted his head away—as if to escape—but it only gave him a better chance to attack his hair.
The man laughed, stopping and pulling away, getting up. “Come on, we’ve gotta go.”
Ethan blinked in confusion for only a moment before the memories from yesterday came back to him. His child-like expression melted away. Nodding solemnly, he scooted closer to the edge before getting up.
Jade made his way to the door, carefully unlocking it and opening it. A cold wind instantly burst inside, sending shivers down his spine. “Hey, uh, kid? Could you bring my jacket too?”
“Sure,” Ethan said, grabbing his own and sliding his arms in and closing it before scanning the room for Jade’s. The moment he spotted it, he rushed to the coathanger and pulled it off, having to stand on his toes to get all the way up there. Returning to the man, he handed it to him.
“Thanks, buddy.” He said, pulling it on and closing it with one hand, holding the other out to the side for the boy to grab. The somewhat warm jacket muffled the crisp air like a shield.
Ethan grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the stairs. It felt like he was trying to pull his shoulder out of its socket with how hard he was pulling. “Come on!”
“Hold on a second, would you?” Jade managed to close the door.
Ethan grabbed with both hands, letting his entire weight be the pulling force. “Come!”
He groaned, pulling against him so he wouldn’t fall down the stairs. “Don’t die on me,” The pulling stopped. “There we go.”
They descended down the stairs and onto the street. It was like the concrete radiated the cold it’d absorbed throughout the night. The wind blew against them as if it were trying to push them back into the old gas station.
And yet, “Let’s check Colony House!”
There was no time for disputing—Ethan was already running, pulling the man along, into an awkward pace somewhere between a jog and walking.
It sent discomforting static-like bursts through his arm. His breath fogged before him as his throat froze and lungs burned. He should’ve taken his scarf. His legs refused to cooperate, still too stiff for all of this. They rushed past houses and dead grass, disregarding all of it.
Barely anyone was even out of their beds, and they were already running down the damn street.
A woman’s face appeared in a window, her face contorting as her eyes locked on the two. Jade offered an ungracefully crooked smile. Her face only contorted further, the grimace turning from confused to weirded out.
They ran up the hill leading to Colony House.
Somehow, the towering house appeared much more somber since the creatures got in. Especially more somber since the incident with the tower.
“Mom!” Ethan shouted.
“Hey, some people are still sleeping,” Jade hissed, silencing the kid.
The boy slowed down at the stairs before throwing a punch at the door as if he wanted to break it down. Well, he probably did. He tried rotating the knob. It refused to budge.
Jade cupped his mouth. “Can someone open this fucking door?!” He shouted.
Ethan spun around.
He gave him a thumbs-up.
Intelligible muttering came from the other side as a key turned in the lock. A click sounded out as it opened. Donna’s grouchy face welcomed them, still in her nightgown. “People are sleeping—what’re you screaming for?” She rubbed her eye with the same irritability she spoke with.
“What, didn’t think I was one of those things?”
“I think those things would rather die than take your form. And none of those bastards scream like fucking lunatics.”
“Ouch,”
Ethan grabbed his hand again, dragging him into the cramped house.
“What the fuck is wrong with him…” Donna grunted.
“Oh, yeah, Donna, you didn’t happen to see Tabitha, right?”
“She’s been driving me nuts with her pacing the whole fucking night! And stop shouting!” She shouted after him.
Ethan stopped, looking up at the man, a glint of hope shining in his eyes.
Jade crouched down, placing a hand on his shoulder. “See? Told you she’s safe,”
Swift footsteps approached. Tabitha rounded a corner. Panic was clearly visible in her wide eyes and heaving chest. Her gaze fell on her son. The corners of her lips raised delicately like a boulder was taken off her shoulders as they dropped. Her fists loosened. It was as if all her features softened. Looking at her, Jade couldn’t help but wonder where she’d been all his life.
“Mom!” Ethan ran at her, crashing into her at full force. The boy slung his arms around his mother. She crouched down, hugging him back. “I was so worried about you,” he muttered, burying his face in the crook of her neck.
“I should be worried about you, not you about me,” she breathed.
Jade watched tenderly, getting back up and dusting non-existent dust off his pants.
The embrace was so soft, and yet so stable. He tilted his head like a puppy trying to understand something. A mother’s embrace. The feeling was more of a conundrum to him than a rookie’s wall of code. His grandmother had always been too old for most things other children would do with their mothers, and his uncle had never cared enough. Hugs in general weren’t a feeling he was accustomed with.
Tabitha looked up, meeting him. She carefully detached from Ethan like one would from a leech. Pursing her lips together, she avoided his eye, seemingly looking everywhere—on the walls, on the couches—but at him. “Thanks. Sorry that I couldn’t pick him up anymore.”
“Oh, it’s ok, don’t worry about that.” Jade reassured, taking a step closer.
She hesitantly looked at him. “I didn’t mean for the whole… you know, ‘taking care of a child with monsters that’ll eat your face off right on your doorstep’ thing.”
“It’s fine. Really. He was sleeping when they started knocking. And hey, I’ll gladly take care of your child whenever you need help. I’m here for you.”
“Th— Wait, did you just say ‘your child’?”
Jade blinked. “Yeah?” He leaned in, voice dropping to a whisper. “Adopted children are still your children. You know, just in case you…” She shook her head slowly. “No? Ok, um, this is awkward, then. Uh, yeah. Why were you so… scandalized?”
“You mean ‘our child’.”
“What.” His heart dropped. His body tensed, fight or flight instinct triggering. He swallowed it down.
“Oh, shit,” Tabitha’s hand flew to her mouth. “You didn’t know,”
Jade’s eyes darted between her and the child—aparently his child—grappling to her. He brought a hand up, unsure where to even put it. He grabbed the back of his own neck, beginning to pace in tiny circles. “I, in fact, didn’t know.” Despite best attempts at keeping his voice steady, he failed miraculously. His body shivered all over. His breaths sped up.
“What the hell is going on?” Julie asked, watching from the corner she was leaning against.
Her brother speed-walked to her. “No idea, but I really wanna know.”
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?!” Jade paced faster, as if he could catch up to his brain.
“I wasn’t sure it was you, ok? We only saw each other for one day,”
“How does something like this even happen?! What are the chances?!”
Julie leaned down, “They know each other?” She asked Ethan, her only response a shrug.
“Listen, I don’t know, ok?”
“You told me you were single!”
“We were taking a break.”
“Were you?”
Tabitha stayed silent for a few seconds before, “ok, maybe not, but—”
“Shit, I’m a homewrecker…” The man dropped onto the closest couch, burying his face in his hands.
“I wouldn’t call it that, I wasn’t happy.”
“And why would I believe tha—”
“He hit me. I had to get my mind off it, so…”
Jade ran a hand through his hair, an exhausted sigh passing his lips. “Shit… divorce already,”
“What do you think we were trying to do before we landed here?”
He got up again, approaching her and grabbing her arms gently. Sudden worry punched him in the gut. The memory of what Ethan had told him the previous night acted as an amplifier. “Does he know?”
Tabitha leaned in, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her heart beat faster than he’d expected. “No, I was afraid it would change something, so I just lied.”
He could feel multiple pairs of eyes on them, but that was secondary. Jade closed his arms around her waist. “It does change quite a few things—that’s my kid.”
Tabitha huffed a humorless laugh out. “I guess it does,”
“Wait, who’s whose kid?” Someone sitting on the couch asked.
“HE’S MY DAD?!”
***
Silverware clinked as Ethan poked around his plate disinterestedly, the single pea rolling away from his fork every moment the only thing at least slightly distracting him from the revelation.
He wasn’t sure if he should be happy or not. It meant that he at least wasn’t related to the man he’d thought was his father. It meant that Jade was his actual father. But it also meant that who he thought he was wasn’t actually that real. Something in him was overjoyed. Only the tiniest bit in him grieved oblivion.
No. It wasn’t grief. It was better this way.
It was unusually quiet at the table, the tense atmosphere from before having remained intact.
The boy refused to look up from his untouched pea, yet was sure his sister was watching him like a hawk—or like every protective sister in the history of forever.
“Ok, what the fuck is up with everyone?” Jim tried placing his fork down calmly. Failing, it clashed with his plate’s side in an ear-shattering sound. “You were all missing all night, and now no one fucking talks. I think I deserve some kind of explanation.”
“Jim, it’s nothing, I was just looking for Julie and found her in Colony House. It was late, so I didn’t have time to re—”
“And you didn’t tell me anything about it?” He huffed. “Everyone acts like I’m insane because I want to keep my family safe, but I’m just supposed to sit around and let you wander around at sundown?”
“I told you where I was—”
“Bullshit.” Jim let his gaze drift over everyone sitting at the table. “Ethan, eat your damn greens.”
Ethan propped his head in his hand, still only pushing the food around in his plate. “It’s only a pea…”
“And a piece of broccoli, now eat, for fuck’s sake.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.” The boy placed his fork down.
“Excuse me?”
Julie’s head shot up. “He’s joking,” she tried to intervene.
“You can’t tell me what to do,” Ethan held his glare. “You’re not my father.”
Tabitha choked.
“What did you just say to me?” An eminent storm bubbled in his voice.
The boy got up, leaning forward against the table. “You’re. Not. My. Father.”
“You little…” Jim got up like a bomb going off. His chair crashed into the floor.
“HEY!” Julie followed him, throwing her hand in front of his chest as if to stop him from jumping across the table. “Stop!”
Tabitha got up as well, carefully pulling her son away from the table.
Ethan’s pulse spiked at the sight of his father’s ferocious eyes. Instant regret washed over him.
“Kids, go upstairs.” Their mother said without looking at them.
They hesitated, Julie repeatedly glancing between the two as if assessing the chance of something horrible happening. She reluctantly distanced herself from her father, “Come, Ethan,” she said unsteadily, guiding her little brother up the stairs.
Internally, Ethan was already preparing for a screaming match, in the best case scenario.
He should've kept quiet.
A knot tied in his throat, cutting his breathing off as aching pain bloomed in his chest and tears pricked his eyes.
He really should've kept quiet.