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Xe settle down against the trunk of the mountain willow, legs crossed and tail curled around xem. This willow is smaller than the one in Uliz, but it will do for xyr purposes. Technically any tree will do, but xe like the soothing susurrus of the hanging leaves brushing the ground. Xe are safe here in the darkness, wrapped in the willow’s arms.
Xe snap xyr fingers, and a small flame leaps to light where xyr thumb meets xyr finger. Carefully, xe take a sprig of sage and touch the tip of it to the flame, burning it like a candle. Xe hold it in xyr hands as xe pray to xyr god.
“I know it’s no incense, but I didn’t think to grab it when I left.” Xe say softly. The only reply is the whisper of the willow leaves, but xe weren’t really expecting an answer anyways. The U’lukian gods have a far more limited range than the pantheon of five, but that’s okay. Xe trust Inavia will hear xem anyways.
Xe pause, thinking for a moment on what xe want to say. The sage will not last forever.
“I had to kill my best friend yesterday.” Xe say, instead of I don’t think I can claim the name of Tarrensky anymore. But I don’t know if I can claim Flamelighter either or I’ve put my trust and my life in the hands of people I met a week ago and I’m terrified I’m going to lose more of them on this journey or I’m so tired. I want to go home.
“It’s a long story, but he was- he was trying to kill Bhumi. And I couldn’t- we couldn’t just let him, Bhumi fucking- transported us to another plane of existence just to tell us to save her life by- by killing him and I- how was I supposed to choose? My best friend and my- my former goddess? How could he- we prayed to her together every day, and he- he just-“
Xe choke on the words, squeezing xyr eyes shut to block out the sight of horrible green flames against purple skin. Xe clutch xyr talisman with a trembling hand, the cool, familiar stone digging into xyr palm.
Xe try to breathe again.
“When we get there-“ xe say brokenly, “to Hirkudasma, I mean,- I’m going to buy something red, I think. To remember him. I don’t know if they’ll have anything, but- Just…. something. Anything. I can’t forget.”
Xe curl into xyrself, half burnt sage held delicately against xyr chest. The sweet smoke smells of the healer’s nest in Uliz.
Just breathe. Try not to wet the sage with tears.
“I got Brunna’s letter. If- if you’re delivering any messages, please tell someone there that I’ll be there within the week. She can hold out that long. Surely. She’s faced so much, surely-“
A fallen ember on xyr hand prompts xem to open xyr eyes. The sage is close to gone.
Xe watch it for a moment, before letting out a sigh that makes the smoke dance and the flame sputter. Xe look up, out at the stars above, just visible through the trees’ canopy.
“Why did you choose me?” Xix whispers. “You could have chosen any one of your people. They could have had another healer to help with all their hardships.”
The stars have no comment, of course, so xe rest xyr head against the trunk of the tree and close xyr eyes again. Xe are so, so tired.
“Instead you chose me. I’m not even a goliath, for fucks sake, you chose- you chose a tiefling, a being born of darkness and fire, to be your blessed, over your own people? Why?”
A breeze blows through the willow, bringing out the sound of wolves howling in the distance. The smoke wraps itself around xem, and the sage fire lingers at its last leaf.
“I guess I just… wonder what you see in me.”
The sage falls to ash in xyr hands, and xe try to draw the U’lukian healer’s symbol on xyr forehead, like xe were taught. Xyr sure it’s a complete mess, but it will rub off before the morning anyways.
Xe stand, rubbing xyr sooty hands on the moss beneath the tree, and go to rejoin xyr friends.